Joe asks: "I am 34 and dating a 44 year old woman. We met in kinda questionable circumstances as she was still married and living with her husband. Two weeks after we started to see each other, she told me that she was going to meet some friends in another state for the weekend. One night in a drunken spillage she told me that she really flew there to meet and have sex with a 20 year old.

I knew that she was married and I was wrong but I thought that I was the only other guy. She is divorced now and wants to have a serious relationship with me but the fact that she flew away to have sex with a 20 year old boy kinda bothers me. I tried to talk to her about as I do feel that it is a bit sick to do so as she could be his mother not to mention that I feel that she found this boy more attractive than me in order to fly to meet him. She claims that she didn't think that we were exclusive but then I don't know why she did lie to me about it. Is it me or is this kinda sick? I feel that what she did is almost the equivalent of me having sex with a 10 year old. Advice please?"

Joe, your disgust at the age difference between this newly-divorced woman and her fling seems to be the most pressing issue in your advice request, but let's clarify first. If I read your email correctly:

• You met a woman who was married and started a sexual relationship with her, knowing it was wrong but doing it anyway;
• Two weeks after meeting, she flew out of state to have sex with a man 24 years her junior and lied to you about it initially;
• This woman is now divorced and wants to pursue something serious with you, but you're hung up about what she did prior to a commitment, and how you feel it reflects upon you.

I'm hoping that reading all of that information in point form will help you see the situation for what it is: something to run away from, and fast. This woman wasn't able to uphold the commitment she made to her husband, and she went out of her way to lie to you about the other, other guy. My question to you is this: why would you want to be with this woman? If she wasn't able to be honest with her husband, why would she be with you?

Separate from this question is your comment about the behavior 'being sick' because of the age difference. Here's the thing Joe: she had consensual sex with an adult, albeit while she was married to someone else. Her behavior doesn't reflect poorly on you or your attractiveness. What it says is that she's impulsive and wanted a fling with someone younger, but she wanted something more substantial with you. And while I'm not condoning her behavior, there is nothing 'sick' about the age difference between her and her fling.

Now, if you feel its sick, again, I'm wondering why you'd want to be with this woman. You can't change the past, and you can't change what she's done - and it sounds like you'll be unable to forget what happened. So why not invest the time to find a woman whom you can trust, and who doesn't bring this kind of baggage that you obviously find untenable to the table?

Related: Would You Tell Your Partner You Cheated?, Predicting Infidelity, Dating Younger Men.

Last week I walked into a local retail store and the owner struck up a conversation with me. "What do you do for a living?" she asked. When I answered, her eyes lit up and she started to tell me about a friend of hers whose 6 month long boyfriend had popped the moving in question the night before. Her cautious response - could she think about it and maybe they could discuss it more later - was met with anger. Eventually, her bf decided to recant his offer because she "didn't immediately jump at the suggestion".

Here's the thing: sure, there is something to be said for being impulsive, acting in the moment and letting passion reign. Telling someone "I love you," is a leap of faith, and asking someone about moving in is a similar proposition. You have to know the person really well, or at least know they really need a place to stay. (Ok, I'm joking on that last one, but its not that uncommon either in today's economic climate).

So although I understand the gent's reaction and disappointment, I didn't understand his recanting the moving in offer. Perhaps he felt he had jumped the gun a bit and was embarrassed, but I didn't hear enough of the story to be sure. I did however applaud the woman in the equation for standing her ground. She wasn't bullied or coerced into making a decision she wasn't ready to. And frankly, its doubtful the gent had never though of her moving in before the conversation took place either; he likely stewed it over for some time before he asked. So why shouldn't the person moving in be offered the same courtesy? Moving in is a huge decision, especially after only six months of dating.

I've got to stop by the store again to hear what the outcome was of the moving in conversation, but I'm curious as to what you all think. Do you think there is a right way to ask the moving in question, and if so, what is it? Do you think this man was in error, and do you feel the woman in the relationship did the right thing?

A USA Today article recently discussed the early results of a study that has many more years to go before it completes, where researchers found that (so far) the 18 to 34 year old respondents chose to live with the person they are dating not as a relationship test or as a trial for marriage, but rather that they wanted to spend more time together; more than half of the men and women chose the latter answer, whereas only 9% of men and 5% of women stated it was to "test the relationship before marriage".

Of the 1,294 participants in the study, the 32% that are currently cohabiting said:

• 66% moved in together before making any marriage plans;
• 23% wanted to get married but hadn't made it formal, and
• 11% got engaged and moved in together.

Most of the respondents stated they'd 'slid into' moving into together, or talked about it vaguely or briefly but it just happened, whereas one third said they'd formally had a discussion about moving in together before taking the plunge.

Interestingly, related research published in the scholarly journal Family Process has found that although cohabitation is on the rise (13.6 million Americans are cohabiting but not married according to the 2008 census data), couples married less than ten years who cohabited beforehand were less satisfied in their marriages than those who had waited to live together.

References: Allen, E., Rhoades, G., Stanley, S., Markman, H., Williams, T., Melton, J., et al. (2008, June). Premarital Precursors of Marital Infidelity. Family Process, 47(2), 243-259.

Jeff asks: "Me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly four months now. Throughout the whole four months, I've noticed that when we are together she will often oogle other guys. She rarely stares long because if she does she knows I will see her looking. I've confronted her about it once before but it still happens. There is one guy in particular that she seems fond of and it bugs me. What should I do? What does this mean? Is she losing interest? Am I wrong for being upset about this?"

My opinion? You're taking things a bit too seriously. Do you not oogle women at all when you're out and about? Sure, she could be a bit more respectful if she's oogling guys in front of you non-stop, especially if you've mentioned it to her before. But in the grand scheme of life, she's being appreciative of others and not much more.

Now, if she's leering and can't keep her eyes off every hot guy that walks by or if she ignores you completely for five or more minutes at a time to oogle someone - then there's a problem. But you even say she doesn't "do it for long" because you believe she's trying to be respectful to you. To me, that says a lot, and in a positive way. Her natural tendency (from what you've shared) is to oogle other guys, but she's trying to reign it in for you.

Does this spell disaster for your relationship? It could if it matters so much to you that the behavior has to stop cold turkey for you to feel appreciated by your girlfriend - and this is perfectly acceptable if that's a requirement for you, just be aware it may not be something your girlfriend can give you. Some people are natural flirts and others are naturally appreciative. If the oogling is coming in between the two of you to the point of you considering ending things, or if it makes you wonder if she's looking elsewhere, try turning the tables for a day. Don't say anything, but when the two of you are out and about one day, oogle as many girls as she does boys in the exact same way. If she notices and says something, shrug your shoulders and give her the same response she gave you when you confronted her on the topic. She'll likely get the hint and work harder to change her own behavior. And if she doesn't? Then you know there is a major incompatibility between the two of you (to oogle is acceptable for her but not for you), and it may be time to reconsider your four month long relationship.

What do you think readers? Do you agree or disagree? Have you been in this situation? What did you do?