Jeff asks: "Me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly four months now. Throughout the whole four months, I've noticed that when we are together she will often oogle other guys. She rarely stares long because if she does she knows I will see her looking. I've confronted her about it once before but it still happens. There is one guy in particular that she seems fond of and it bugs me. What should I do? What does this mean? Is she losing interest? Am I wrong for being upset about this?"

My opinion? You're taking things a bit too seriously. Do you not oogle women at all when you're out and about? Sure, she could be a bit more respectful if she's oogling guys in front of you non-stop, especially if you've mentioned it to her before. But in the grand scheme of life, she's being appreciative of others and not much more.

Now, if she's leering and can't keep her eyes off every hot guy that walks by or if she ignores you completely for five or more minutes at a time to oogle someone - then there's a problem. But you even say she doesn't "do it for long" because you believe she's trying to be respectful to you. To me, that says a lot, and in a positive way. Her natural tendency (from what you've shared) is to oogle other guys, but she's trying to reign it in for you.

Does this spell disaster for your relationship? It could if it matters so much to you that the behavior has to stop cold turkey for you to feel appreciated by your girlfriend - and this is perfectly acceptable if that's a requirement for you, just be aware it may not be something your girlfriend can give you. Some people are natural flirts and others are naturally appreciative. If the oogling is coming in between the two of you to the point of you considering ending things, or if it makes you wonder if she's looking elsewhere, try turning the tables for a day. Don't say anything, but when the two of you are out and about one day, oogle as many girls as she does boys in the exact same way. If she notices and says something, shrug your shoulders and give her the same response she gave you when you confronted her on the topic. She'll likely get the hint and work harder to change her own behavior. And if she doesn't? Then you know there is a major incompatibility between the two of you (to oogle is acceptable for her but not for you), and it may be time to reconsider your four month long relationship.

What do you think readers? Do you agree or disagree? Have you been in this situation? What did you do?

A gent who asked me to refer to him as "stricken" has written in asking for some advice about how he can turn a platonic relationship with his best friend's friends with benefits into a dating relationship for himself. Or in other words, he's looking to ask out the woman who his best friend has been intimate with for the past year.

Stricken says: "My best friend for many years has a friend with benefits he has been seeing for a little under a year now. He met her through a mutual friend and they drunkenly hooked up one night and continued the trend to this day. From the day I met this girl I have been crazy about her. Seeing her has been few and far between but when I do it makes my week. She's gorgeous, funny, amazing personality, basically the whole package. Today me, this girl, my friend and another mutual friend spent the day together and me and this girl and I really hit it off. She completely ignored my friend and spend the entire day flirting and joking with me. When we split off she called me and we spent about 3 hours talking on the phone. I'm completely convinced she feels the same way about me that I feel about her. Now my best friend was recently talking to me about seeing if he could actually date this girl or not and my advice on it. I am a loyal friend and don't want to do anything that would jeopardize our friendship but I als can't get this girl out of my head. Do I just forget about her because there is no way of making this transition? The only thing I can think of that would make this work is if I can get him to date someone else soon and then I could move in on this girl. Any other ideas?

So readers, what advice do you have for Stricken?

A reader has a touchy question about making love with his girlfriend of seven months, and has asked me to post his question here in the hopes that one of you can shed some light on his challenging situation.

In a nutshell, he's frustrated because he feels his girlfriend is "very emotionless and unresponsive" when they are in bed together. He says: "She has never even kissed or touched me sexually in the whole time we have been together and lies there with her arms defensively clamped across her chest looking awkward and uninterested. She tells me she loves me, and I believe she does, but as hard as I have tried to improve our relationship and resolve this problem she does not seem to be willing to help herself to get over whatever it is holding her back. She has told me that there is no particular reason other than not knowing how to express herself and she feels she has made progress in the last 7 months. I try to encourage and support this but inside I am upset that this has only progressed as far as her initiating a cuddle in bed. This is not satisfying my needs that have been neglected since we have been together. I have always had a very high sex drive and thrive on passion but her lack of enthusiasm is affecting my drive, confidence and sexual attractiveness towards her. I have tried to look beyond sex and sacrifice it for the sake of us having a lot in common but this fundamental part of any relationship is causing me to start to distance myself and has led to arguments between us, doubts in my mind and suspicions in hers.

As much as I love her I have a feeling that she will never be able to offer me what I need if she doesn't start making changes and the neglect is starting to make me wonder if I should split from her before I begin to seek my needs elsewhere. I fear that separating from her may emotionally scar her further however."

My take is that Shaun's girlfriend needs to speak with a counselor about what is holding her back. Perhaps she wasn't ready to have sex (Shaun doesn't state how old the two of them are), maybe she has intimacy issues, or perhaps she's even been sexually abused. But no matter what the reason, it is impairing their relationship with one another and needs to be addressed ASAP. I'd advise Shaun to have a heart to heart with his girlfriend in a non-threatening place that isn't sexually charged (i.e. not the bedroom) about what's going on, and suggest maybe she seek some professional assistance. If he's really wanting to make things work, he might even suggest they go together.

But readers, what do you think? What advice do you have for Shaun?

Related: How To Talk To Your Partner About Sexual Concerns, What To Do About Silent Sex With Your Partner, When Your Partner Is A Survivor of Sexual Abuse.

Unusual findings from a Brazillian research study last year confirmed what many of us already know: alcohol affects how attractive we view members of the opposite sex, and more alcohol we injest, the more attractive we find other people. But this phenomena seems to effect men more, and longer.

The researchers used facial symmetry to determine how attractive the men found their female partners, and easily determined that more alcohol equaled less ability to determine symmetry. This would explain why men will pick up women they normally wouldn't find attractive when drinking with friends in a bar.

But another study undertaken also in 2008 found that the beer goggle effect wore off with female drinkers by the morning after, whereas men were still seeing their partners from the night before - and any person of the opposite sex - in a more favorable light.

_{Source: Svoboda, Elizabeth. 2009. "HER BODY ON BOOZE." Men's Health (10544836) 24, no. 4: 104-106. Consumer Health Complete - EBSCOhost, EBSCOhost (accessed June 25, 2009).}

Fred asks: I'm 32, and I've been dating the same woman for the past two years. I love her, I think she's incredible, but I'm just learning now she's a pathological liar. For instance? She has a twelve-year-old daughter, but I've never heard of the child until recently. She's also told me she was raped, but that turned out to be a lie too. I really do care for this woman, but I'm confused and don't know what to do. Help?

So dear readers, do you have any suggestions for this gentleman who is torn between the truth and his partnership?

An article in this month's Women's Health (Buy Direct) discusses the male viewpoint of what makes a woman sexy. In a nutshell? Its all about the moments where women don't go out of their way to be sexy but rather when they just are. Driving barefoot, doing yoga and accidentally showing some skin while leaning over were all mentioned.

Interestingly, the men that took part in the survey that the article was based on stated that (what they saw as) forcing sexiness was a turn off. So high heels are great, but not if you're obviously uncomfortable wearing them. Too much makeup, jewelry or skin showing were also mentioned as being not so sexy.

But what about you? What do you think makes a woman sexy? Why?

_{Reference: "SEXY BY ACCIDENT." Women's Health (08847355) 6, no. 5 (June 2009): 76-76. Consumer Health Complete - EBSCOhost, EBSCOhost (accessed June 23, 2009)}

There haven't been a lot of studies performed about the love at first sight phenomena , but countless books have been written on the subject, and I oftentimes feel surrounded by couples who feel their unions were decided upon exceptionally early into their relationships. eHarmony commercials tout married folks who openly state they "just knew" when they met that they'd get married, Arielle Ford's The Soulmate Secret pretty much relies on the concept to sell its premise, and one of my siblings recently celebrated her eighth year anniversary with the man she married three months after their first date.

As for me? I'd like to think that love at first sight is possible. There is an innate romanticism attached to the thought of meeting someone and having them hitting enough emotional triggers immediately to just know. Now, Have I ever had it happen? Not the love bit, but I've met three folks over a span of twenty years where I just knew they'd be a huge part of my evolution as a person; I just wasn't sure how initially. One became a great friend, another a very emotionally charged but short lived relationship (although we still stay in touch), and one recent, and still playing out. Not one have told I love them, although admittedly love all three very much. And thus, in my head, no love at first sight for me. A strong hunch, and a driving need to get to know someone better? Definitely.

But what about you? Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?

A former Match.com member is suing the dating site for allegedly filling its database with members who are no longer active, or members who were never members in the first place. Sean McGee, the man suing Match.com, says that each time a user is charged the monthly fee, it constitutes fraud - since the folks one is paying to contact aren't able to be contacted anyway. McGee hopes the case will become a class action lawsuit.

Match.com feels the case is unsubstantiated.

More About Match.com: Match.com Profile, Match.com Dating Site Review, Mobile Match Review (Match.com's cellular dating service), Down To Earth Dating Site Review (Match.com's free dating site).

_{Source: Dallas Based Match.com Accused of Misleading Customers}

A friend of mine asked me the other day if it was 'normal' for ex's to request my friendship over at Facebook. As in, did I have any ex's on Facebook, and how did I feel when they befriended me?

Interesting question, as I see this coming up in dating chats more often than even a year ago. It also was timely for me personally, as I also had an ex add me to Facebook recently - one that gave me pause, as we hadn't dated (or spoken) in over 15 years.

So why would an ex add you to Facebook? Depending on the length of time its been since you've broken up, it might be innocuous: maybe they found you through a mutual friend and were curious to see how you're doing. Or, they could be wistful about the past hoping maybe you'll reconnect, similarly to why many folks attend reunions. There also might be an apology in the works or an attempt to gain some closure. But like many of us (my friend included) the fear is that the ex is either trying to keep dibs or employing some sort of online stalkerish-type behavior. In my case the ex was wanting to make amends, but my friend is still pondering the intelligence of adding his ex to his friends list.

In a world where most people can easily find each other online with some basic information, its not a stretch to think that a select few will abuse technology in this fashion. Just like Googling your date is the norm now in certain age brackets, connecting with people from your past via social networking sites is also standard fare.

I suggested to my friend that he review the former Teen Advice Guide's article about Staying Safe on Facebook, as my friends' current Facebook profile is wide open for all to view. Perhaps a bit too much information, considering. Yet at the same time, why be paranoid about someone you've dated? That was the stance I took, and readily accepted my former date into my circle of Facebook friends. But I didn't give him full access to my profile; that was my caveat.

How about you? Would you befriend an ex on Facebook? Why or why not? And if an ex tried to add you to their friends list, would you allow the connection?

Stephany asks: I am 33 years old and single. My problem is that almost every relationship I have ever been in has started as an introduction through a friend. As I am still single however, I think I need to do something different. But while I feel I am passably attractive, I'm not a woman who is proficient at the feminine art of attracting male attention, and I have been told that I'm too serious or that I don't give off friendly vibes. Any advice for someone like me who is seriously looking for something long term, on how to attract someone new?

Hi Stephany! Great question. One that I feel very connected to personally, because it wasn't that long ago that I could have shared the same story as you. I had clients that seemed to know intuitively how to attract someone, but I couldn't do it myself, and I felt a bit of a hypocrite trying to dole out advice advising readers about how to attract someone because of it. And then a good friend of mine showed me a book a changed my situation overnight.

The book, entitled The Surrendered Single, discussed releasing our need to control outcomes in order to learn how to attract someone, although in this book's case it was specifically women attracting men. And although I didn't agree with everything the author suggested, one of my favorite (and most effective) tips was gleaned from that read, and it helped me tremendously to overcome exactly the situation you're describing here.

In a nutshell, the author suggested taking a set period of time (I tried for a few hours one night walking downtown) and smiling at everyone I came across during that time frame. And not just any smile either: a genuine, full face smile that extended beyond just my physical presence. Yes, I realize this isn't easy to do, and no, I'm not suggesting you look like a weirdo with a fake grin plastered across your face. But do try it, just to see how people react differently to you.

I likened my smiling experiment as a real-world version of character building in a role playing game. I could control my charisma score instantly, just by smiling. Why? Because I became instantly attractive to folks I'd never even considered previously. People, literally, came up to me to comment on my smile or to start a random conversation with me. In the space of two hours I was given three phone numbers, had started countless conversations, and even had one group of gents try to get me to join them for a couple of drinks.

The attract someone smiling rules are simple: smile genuinely and fully at everyone you encounter and without judgment. That last one is a bit of a doozy I'll admit, and I got wrapped up in it a couple of times. I hadn't realized that I was 'choosing' whom to smile at before this experiment. Older than me? Didn't get a smile unless I helped them with something. Female? Nope. Don't want to give her the wrong impression. Too attractive? Nuh uh, I'm embarrassed. Oh wait, I don't want to smile at the man peddling for change either.

Will you receive the same kind of response that I did? I'm not sure. But it can't hurt to try, either. Give yourself a time frame so its not too overwhelming (or insincere). Say, an hour during your lunch break, or an afternoon spent at a coffee shop. I'll hazard that if nothing else, it'll do wonders for your self esteem and hopefully even attract someone new into your life.

What do you think, readers? Any suggestions that have worked for you?

Related: Attract Someone Myths, Pickup Lines, Attract Someone New Rules.

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A daily newsletter I read tipped me off to an unusual date rape case that was perpetrated live, online - a story that I feel is now required reading for singles everywhere.

20-year-old Jonathan Hock was arrested in Monday in Phoenix, Arizona, for streaming a live video feed on February 26th of this year of the alleged rape of a 20-year-old woman who he'd been dating approximately two weeks (although some accounts state the two were dating 'less than a month'). The pair had been partying and drinking earlier in the night before retiring to the woman's home, and when she passed out, Hock logged in to a website he'd streamed video on before to post live time video of his taking advantage of the unconscious woman.

Hock is still jailed, and is facing investigation on two charges of sexual assault, one charge of kidnapping and one charge of taking a surreptitious video. Police are concerned there may be more victims, as Jonathan Hock is a reported online 'celebrity' for videotaping his conquests and posting them to the internet, complete with fan sites and imitators, says ABC News.

Viewers of the video were the first to alert police, although the victim was advised by several friends via phone calls and text messages that photos of her lying next to Hock were posted on the unnamed website. Until then, the victim had no idea the rape had taken place. Affidavits show that Hock admitted while chatting online with the victim that he "admits to doing something" which she was passed out, but denies raping her as it wasn't his style, blaming the over consumption of alcohol as the culprit for his actions.

A spokesperson for the website that posted the still photos the victim was alerted to as well as the original video (which has since been pulled from the website and given to authorities), stated in an interview that the company didn't have an issue with posting such information online, as they felt it was a warning for teenagers and singles everywhere that they should take more precautions before getting drunk with someone they'd met off the internet, as allegedly Hock and the victim met using MySpace.

There will surely be a lot of outrage to many of the details shared here, and I'm interested to see in what you have to say, dear readers. Personally, I feel there needs to be a larger outcry for these types of cases, so that more people aren't taken advantage of, don't put themselves in these kinds of positions in the first place, and know what precautions to take when meeting people off the internet.

Related: What is Dating Violence?, Help for Victims of Dating Violence, Safe Dating Tips.

Sources: Woman Raped Live on Web Site, Man Charged With 'Rape Streamed Live Over Internet', Phoenix Man Streamed Alleged Rape Video Online, Police Say.

A New Zealander who recently proposed to his girlfriend and was told no, didn't know what to do with the engagement ring. He couldn't return it as he'd purchased it overseas, and he didn't want to sell it for reasons, so he decided he'd get rid of the ring via a Twitter-based treasure hunt. Interested parties close to Wellington, NZ, can follow the 29-year-old's clues this Saturday, in the hopes that they get to the ring, first.

Feeling better after a breakup is never easy, but I can't imagine proposing to someone, them saying no, and then having a very expensive reminder hanging around. So donating it to a person who can put it to good use is a lovely way to change the negatives into a positive, I think. But what about you? What's your take?

Source: Spurned Man Offers Diamond Ring in Treasure Hunt

The movie the Ghosts of Girlfriends Past has gotten me, as well as others in the dating business thinking - namely, about people we've dated but, for whatever reason, things didn't work out. I'll admit I have one person I consider to have 'gotten away', but it was also poor timing for the both of us. Still, it has crossed my mind that one day, I may want to make contact again for possible rekindling of the romance. Maybe.

But it seems I'm in the minority according to SpeedDate.com, who recently polled their users about the one who got away, and whether or not they'd want to reconnect again. Although 65% of the respondents stated they did have someone who got away, only 29% would want to make contact again to see if they could date once more. Just over 5300 people responded to the poll.

But what about you? Do you have someone that got away? What happened? Would you make contact with them again? Why or why not?

We're on a roll about cheating this week, so I decided to go with it and post a question that showed up in my mailbox a day or two ago; one that I hear a lot of variations of in the dating forums.

Lynn asks: I have been dating this guy for about a year and a half. We have a really good relationship together. We have plans to move in together. But before we do that, I wanted to make sure he wouldn't cheat on me. So I created a fake Facebook profile and added him. We chatted for a bit then asked to meet. I spoke with him the same night he was about to meet the fake person I created. He told me that he was going to take a nap about a minute before he had the date with the fake girl. I went to the place he was going to meet her and waited for him. He showed up. I asked him what he was doing there and he said, "Oh well I knew it was you all along." I know he's lying to me. He's a great guy and everything I ever wanted in a guy. Should I forgive him? Can we look past this?

Bonny's answer: There are so many things to address in this question, I'm not sure where to start - so let's begin with the obvious: if you cannot trust a man, then why on earth would you want to move in with him. And if you have to 'test' to see if he'll be faithful, how 'great' can the relationship really be?

I've noticed a common fear among many young women these days: the fear that their partner will lie to them, betray them, and/or cheat on them. And guess what? It happens. A lot. But there are also a lot of men who have no issue with commitment, no issue with giving their word (and keeping it), and who won't give you any reason to question their loyalty to you. If those are the kinds of things that are important to you in a relationship, why wouldn't you seek out a man who can provide them, without having to test him using carefully created traps?

I realize that none of what I'm saying here answers your question, but what you're asking isn't something I can answer for you. Why? Because (a) he's obviously not everything you want in a man (if you truly believe he was lying to you), and (b) the question isn't whether or not you can forgive him, but rather if he should forgive you. Because who wants to go through a relationship wondering whether or not they are being questioned constantly, or told they are a liar? Either you trust this man or you don't, and if you don't, its time to let you both move on.

But what do you think readers? Should Lynn forgive her partner? Do you think what she did was called for, or 'right'?

An overheard conversation about a magazine article got me thinking the other day about being cheated and betrayal in dating relationships. Specifically, an article that a friend of a friend had recently read stated that one of the newest dating rules was that you didn't tell your partner if you'd cheated, as it would only add to the pain on both sides. Rather, the article suggested (as told to me second hand), if you were remorseful for your actions and knew you'd never do it again, there was no reason to share with your partner about the unfaithfulness.

Although I kind of, sort of, get what the article was getting at (why stir the pot if the issue has been resolved already?), why would any relationship 'expert' tell people that betraying their partner was acceptable behavior? Sure, coming forward might end the dating relationship, but it might also strengthen things after the initial shock. In fact, I know of several folks whose relationships were better off after having been cheated on, serving as a wake up call to all parties with regards to what wasn't working.

Which isn't to say I condone cheating, or that I feel cheating is a good thing for a relationship - I most definitely do not. But I know I'd much rather know if my partner had betrayed me than be left in the dark, so I could (at the very least) make an informed decision about my next step.

But what about you? Do you think that its ok not to tell your partner that you cheated, especially if you've learned from the experience and it will never happen again? Or, if your partner cheated on you, would you want them to tell you?

Related:

• Did He Get Caught Cheating?
• Signs of Cheating
• Predicting Infidelity
• Lust in Translation

This 68-year-old question is slated to finally be answered late this summer with Archie from the Archie comics empire getting married to one of his long time sweethearts. But which one? Mum's the word so far, although part of the story has already been shared via MSNBC and the Archie comic weblog, such as that the story will take place five years after college graduation.

Archie is one of the oldest iconic characters to have not one, but two kinda-sorta-girlfriends. I don't even know what dating term or slang to use to describe Archie's relationship with either Betty or Veronica. Casually dating? Serial monogamy? Polyamory? What would you call their relationship(s)? And who do you think Archie will choose? Girl next door blonde Betty, or raven haired heiress Veronica?

Chemistry.com is offering a free communication this weekend only for all of its users. However, Chemistry.com is currently only available for US-based singles, and is known for its quick and painless compatibility testing features. This is another of those coupon codes that don't actually offer a code, but rather you have to click on the link provided to get the deal. I've used a random affiliate URL I found through a search, as I'm unable to use affiliate links for dating services here. Enjoy! (And feel free to comment if the coupon works - or doesn't - for you).

Coupon Code: none given
Good For: Friday May 15th, Saturday May 16th and Sunday May 17th, 2009 only.
Chemistry.com Free Communication Weekend

See also:

• Review of Chemistry.com Review
• Readers Share Their Thoughts About Chemistry.com

Michelle asks: I met a guy at a bar about two weeks ago. We exchanged numbers when we first met and he called me the next day to setup a double date a few days later. That went well, so we spent some time together at my place a few days after that. He then asked if I wanted to go out to lunch in a few days (which we are tomorrow). However, I'm not sure if he wants to date me or just be friends (we've kissed only once, and I was the one that made the move). He is shy and it is difficult to read him. He is a great guy and I want to date him, but how can I tell if he feels the same way? Or I could just be impatient? I've only known this guy two weeks now.

Bonny's answer: From what you've shared Michelle, I'd say that the two of you are dating already. (See The Definition of Dating for more about my take on why, and what I believe dating is today). You are spending time together to get to know one another better, and you both continue to instigate contact. Sure, you made the first move and kissed him, but what's to say he wouldn't have if you hadn't? And frankly, if someone doesn't want to kiss you, they won't.

I'd stop trying to push things further ahead then they need to be. Things sound great so far, and progressing in a way that many women wish the early stages of a relationship would. If in a week or two things haven't moved towards a discussion along these lines and you are still hanging out once or twice a week, I'd broach the subject gently, thoughtfully and playfully. "Is this a date? Because I'd like to think it is," with a twinkle in your eye might work, but let your own imagination and personality shine though. Then, let him answer at his own speed, and without pressure. If he decides the two of you aren't on the same page, you can start looking for someone else you'd like to date that suits your relationship needs.

What say you, dear readers? Do you think Michelle is being impatient? Does he like her as a friend or more?

_{Have a dating question you'd like answered? Try filling out the dating advice submission form, or jump in the dating forum if you'd like a faster response to a more urgent question.}

Chris asks: I am newly separated after a 19 year marriage, and have started going out with a gal whom I have a great time with. She is funny, bright, outgoing, the works. My dilemma is that I don't want to get serious with this girl. I don't have any feelings for her but I think she is the sweetest person around. How do I draw the line about spending too much time with her because I'm not ready to get serious?

My answer: Dating after separation or divorce is hard, even harder than dating after divorce in my opinion. Why? Because when you're still separated you're still working through your marriage; difficult to do even under the best of circumstances. I advise most folks in your situation to take a serious review of their reasons for dating, and whether or not they are ready to date again.

But my point is somewhat moot as you've already started dating. Dating a woman who, in your own words, is fantastic but not for you. So then why are you dating her? Why not just be friends?

My guess is that your dating relationship with this woman easy, comfortable, and it helps with some of the loneliness you're feeling after separation. Understandable, considering.

At the same time, you can't just think about your own needs here, and you have to realize this because you're already asking the question: how do you make this relationship into something that you need, rather than what she wants? How do you ensure she doesn't get attached, because you aren't and likely won't?

To me, the answer seems simple. If you don't want to get serious with this woman, don't. Let her know where you're at and how you feel, but that if she's wanting something more you won't be able to provide it to her. The honorable thing to do - especially if she's as wonderful as you say she is - is to let her go, so she can find someone who can give her the kind of relationship she wants. Now, if she wants what you have to offer - no feelings whatsoever but a 'good time' - great. But I'll hazard she's wanting something more or you wouldn't be asking the question.

But what do you think, readers? Do you agree with me, or do you think Chris should try a completely different tactic? Have you been in a similar situation? What did you do?

_{Related: Dating After Divorce}

A few readers have asked me to review Dating Direct, the largest dating site in the UK, according to Comscore/Nielsen for 2008, based on average monthly unique users.

I've signed up before with Dating Direct, but could never get anywhere with it. So I left Dating Direct for a bit, thinking perhaps it was a temporary glitch. Alas, I just tried signing in - and the system isn't sending me my password. Signing up with a new handle nets me the error message, "Identification impossible. Your username/account ID or password was not recognised."

So folks, if any of you are members already and are able to access the site, feel free to either post here, or send me an email at dating.guide@about.com. Or, if anyone signs up successfully, I'd love to hear what worked for you.

Johnny Boy asks: Five times I've asked her to stop flirting with my best friend, but it only lasts a day. Each time I complain, she tells me that flirting is healthy and natural, and that I do it too. But she knows I'm only talking to her friends, like I would a coworker, while she's prancing around flirting like she doesn't care. Today I spoke with her again about it, but she was already on the phone with my friend and flirted some more. Even told me about it. What should I do?

Johnny Boy, I feel for you. Really, I do. It sounds like your girlfriend is disrespecting you constantly and purposely no less. So either she's playing games and trying to get your attention, or she's playing games and wants to date your friend. I can't think of any 'good' reason why she'd be doing what she's doing.

But then your answer should be an easy one: end the relationship. Because why would you want to date someone who treats you like this? If she cannot hear that her behavior is upsetting you so much and refuses to tame it down, then obviously this is a dealbreaker. Finding someone who feels the same way you do about flirting and its appropriateness would be a much better solution, because it sounds like your partner isn't on the same page as you are.

What say you, dear readers? Do you agree with my advice, or is there something else Johnny Boy should try?

This is the first Yahoo Personals coupon I've ever come across, so its definitely one worth using if you are interested in signing up to be a new member. Just make sure to read the fine print on this one, because there is a fair amount. Such as? The freebie time frame only comes if you purchase with a credit card either a month, three month or six month subscription, and if you don't want your credit card billed, you'll have to cancel before the seven days are up. As well, the credit card has to be from a U.S. address. Finally, this is another coupon where you have to click on the link provided to get it, but I receive nothing for your clicking other than a smile knowing I've potentially helped a single become a couple.

Coupon Code: none given
Expires: June 30th, 2009
Yahoo! Personals

See also:

• Review of Yahoo Personals Review
• Top Dating Sites

eHarmony is one of the largest dating sites in the world, offering its users a complex matchmaking algorithm that connects people with like minded relationship needs and wants. It is also however one of the most expensive dating sites, and thus, coupon codes are often sought after. This code can only be used by clicking on the link provided, as there is no actual code to enter in. I receive nothing for you to click on this link, other than the satisfaction of knowing you found a deal.

Details: 75% off a three month membership, billed in one installment of $29.85 USD, or $9.95 a month

Coupon Code: none to enter
Expires: May 3rd, 2009
Link: eHarmony

See also:

• Review of eHarmony
• The Gay eHarmony, Compatible Partners

A middle aged female forum member is asking in her True Confessions thread whether or not she should slow things down a bit with the man she's dating, who just admitted his love for her. Specifically:

"...this is going to sound like a High Schooler's question, but I'd like your opinion and any men out there as well. If I'm not ready to have sex yet, is it better to hold off on the passionate kissing too so no one gets too frustrated? Sorry if that sounds dumb, but I really wonder sometimes which is kinder..."

So readers, what do you think?

By contacting loved ones three times a week with messages of affection and love, Arizona State University study participants lowered the kind of cholesterol that clogs arteries by over eleven points in a month. To compare, most folks receive the same kinds of results with medication. The study also found a correlation between a woman's resting heart rate and receiving a hug from her romantic partner: the more hugs she received, the lower her resting heart rate was. And both the men and the women in the study had lower resting heart rates as well as lower blood pressure during a stressful event, if before the event they either held hands or hugged their partner.

Not that any of us needed a reason to be more affectionate with the person we are dating, of course. But for those of you with cholesterol issues, sending a quick note on Facebook or leaving a message on your partner's cell phone three times a week seems minor in comparison to the life-long heart benefits.

_{Reference: Floyd, Kory et al. "Human Affection Exchange: XIV. Relational Affection Predicts Resting Heart Rate and Free Cortisol Secretion During Acute Stress." Behavioral Medicine 32, no. 4 (Winter2007 2007): 151-156. Academic Search Premier, EBSCOhost (accessed April 22, 2009).}

Pink Sofa, an online dating site exclusively for lesbian women, is offering a buy one month, get one month free promotion for the month of April only. A month-long membership at Pink Sofa is $30.00 USD, with auto renewal (if the user chooses this option) costing $27.00 USD a month.

Coupon Code: 4base9
Expires: Thursday, April 30, 2009
Pink Sofa

See also:

• Review of Pink Sofa
• Gay and Lesbian Dating Sites

A reader asks: "I have been seeing my current girlfriend for about 6 months, and everything is going great except for one big issue: guy friends. She keeps in touch with a lot of her ex-boyfriends, hook-ups, and guy friends who have feelings for her. One of them in particular who she dated right before we met, makes passes at her and sends her flirtatious text messages. A couple of them openly admit they're in love with her. We've gotten in several big fights about it, and whenever we do, she insists that I'm the only one she loves and wants to be with. She says they're only guy friends and that I'm being overly jealous. She also brings them up a lot in conversation. It's gotten to the point that I get paranoid that's she's cheating on me and messaging these guys, etc. I don't know what to do because otherwise I'm crazy about her. Do I break up what might be a great relationship over some jealousy issues? Do I try to ignore the problem? Do I ask her to break off her friendships?"

What say you, readers?

Stuart is a 60-something single gay man who hasn't dated in over 30 years, mostly because he's been taking care of an ailing parent in a challenging situation. He's eager to meet someone, and specifically wants to find a kindred soul that understands his unique situation - but he has no idea where to start, much less how to navigate the senior dating waters - which admittedly are very different from those we tread in during our 20s, 30s, and beyond.

Stuart would like suggestions on how to find someone as well as how to make time for a new relationship, and is eager to hear from other singles in similar life circumstances, especially those who identify as being gay or bisexual. I've got my own ideas for Stuart which I'll post shortly, but I'd love to hear what you think.

Related: How To Meet a Guy (for Gay Men), Healthy Senior Sex

That's the email header of a note I received from SpeedDate.com earlier in the week. After asking a more socially-savvy gent what a "bromance" was (a very close friendship with another man that isn't sexual, but borders on more than just friends), I sat and pondered the question for a bit. Would I?

If the relationship was truly a bromance - like in the recently released movie I Love You Man, or Brody Jenner's TV show Bromance - I think I might be hesitant. Not because I'm against a male partner having extremely close same-sex buddies, or that I'd feel like they competed with me for my guy's attention. Rather, I'd be worried that such a close relationship might exclude me completely, or even overshadow the romance in my own relationship - very much like what happens in I Love You Man. But I don't think I'd not date someone just because they had a bromance. No, I think I'd take more of a wait and see approach, and if affected the relationship negatively, we'd have a low-key chat.

SpeedDate.com polled their users (of which 571 responded), asking the gents if they had a bromance, and the gals if they'd mind if their guy had a bromance while dating them. 14% of the men said they'd had or were having a bromance, almost half (47%) felt they had close friendships but they weren't that close, and the remainder (37%) were completely against the concept, stating they were purely romantics, not "bromantics". As for the ladies? Almost half (45%) didn't see an issue with their partner having a close same-sex friendships, 32% thought it would be ok but a tad weird, but almost a quarter (23%) were opposed to the idea, wanting all of their partner's romantic intentions focused on them.

What about you? Have you had a bromance? Has it affected your dating relationship? Would you date someone who was having a bromance? Why or why not?

In celebration of Easter this weekend, Christian LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered) dating site Rainbow Christians is offering new members 50% off a year long membership. Normally Rainbow Christians charges $40 USD a year, but this coupon code allows new members (or those without current paid memberships) to purchase the year's membership for only $20 USD.

Coupon Code: 365 days - $20 (choose from the drop-down box on the membership page)
Expires: Sunday April 12, 2009
Rainbow Christians

See also:

• Review of Rainbow Christians
• Rainbow Christians Culls Member Database

Over on Twitter, inmate dating site Conjugal Dating is all the buzz. Is it real? Can it be? Or its it political commentary, using dating sites as the punchline?

Inmate dating sites exist, yes - usually as an extension of the pen pal inmate offers you've likely seen at the back of some magazines. I've even added an inmate dating sites to my list of strange dating sites. Not everyone wants to date someone behind bars, but there are some folks who don't mind.

Conjugal Harmony however has taken the idea of dating an inmate a step further - a huge step in the direction of distasteful and degrading. Their main tag lines reads: "The nagging stops when the bars slam shut!" Or from their even more inappropriate FAQ: "With a conjugal marriage, you will finally have a wife with the perfect amount of freedoms and rights, and more importantly, you will finally start enjoying your own."

Initially I thought Conjugal Harmony was another of Mingle2's spoof dating sites, like ZombieHarmony. But on closer review, Conjugal Harmony is a bit, er, harsher. There's a theme to the site, and it isn't pretty. Sarcastic, dark and dry? Yes. Real? Doubtful. The clincher for me was the copyright notice at the bottom of every page, which states the site is "in cooperation with the Governor of Illinois". I'm assuming this is referring to the recent news that former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was indicted on corruption charges earlier this week.

But what do you think? Am I being overly sensitive, or is Conjugal Harmony terribly offensive? And is it for real, or a gag?

Or, so says a study undertaken by Northwestern University researchers Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick, which has yet to be formally published. They followed heterosexual speed daters to determine the differences in attraction when women sat and the men changed seats, and then when the men sat and the women changed seats. Their conclusion?

When the women remained stationary and the men moved from speed date to speed date, the gents were more attracted to their dates than the women were to theirs. As well, the men chose more women to pursue for further dating interactions than they did in any other scenario. But when the roles were reversed and the women moved around, the number each sex wanted to see again was about the same.

So how can you use this research to your benefit? Favor speed dating events where the men roam and the women stay seated, or when trying to meet someone new, allow the gent to approach, first.

_{Reference: Bower, B. (2009, February 14). The Dating Go Round. Science News, 175(4), 22-25. Retrieved April 8, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.}

chrissy723 asks: I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 months now but lately things have changed. A week ago or so my car broke down, so I asked him to pick me up from work. He asked me to find someone else because if he picked me up he'd be tired. Then, yesterday my boyfriend accused me of being snoopy because I was checking out his brand new PDA - something totally out of character for him to buy, considering what a miser he is. All I wanted to do was look at the features, but he took it the wrong way. What really upset me though was when my boyfriend asked me to take my things with me whenever I leave his place, because he feels like I'm trying to move in. Is he sending me a message that I'm not seeing, or does he merely want some time and space?

My quick take on chrissy723's question? It sounds like there is a lack of respect in your relationship - on both sides of the equation. If this man thinks you are in a committed relationship and not merely dating, then sure, you should be able to leave a few things at his house without too much worry... but having a suitcase of stuff there might turn off some more sensitive folks, which may include your gent. And what about his being too tired? Well, it happens. Yes it would have been nice if he picked you up, but he's clearly telling you he wasn't able or willing. Pushing it here isn't the best of ideas either, because what you're saying is you're dependent on the guy, and few folks find that attractive.

Which then leads me to your 'snooping' on his PDA - to which I agree with him. Ask first if you want to look at his PDA. Don't just pick it up and start perusing. Now he may have something to hide, and I'm sure some readers of this blog will chime and say he's cheating on you because he wasn't comfy with you looking at his contact list. Me? I believe that asking before looking at something so personal is what really matters here.

So. Does your man want time, space, or a break from your relationship? You don't say how serious things have been during the seven months you've been dating, which makes providing a conclusive answer a tad challenging. But if he is your boyfriend (read: committed to one another and not dating anyone else), then it may be time to talk about what's going on. He may be feeling pressured by you to move things farther than he's ready, and his reactions are his only means of telling you. Or, he's not as committed to the relationship as you are, may be having second thoughts, and could even be doing the elastic band maneuver I like to call the 'pull-back', where many men remove themselves slightly from a relationship to see what their partner does. A test if you will, both to assure them of their continued independence as well a means with which to determine if moving forward with the relationship is merited.

That's my take. What do you think?

The mother of an 18-year-old girl who still lives at home asks:

My teenage daughter is totally dependent on Mom and Dad. Don't get me wrong, she's looking for a job but hasn't found one yet. She's not lazy, she helps me around the house and she plans to start college in the fall. But my question is about her and her boyfriend, who have been together over two years now. Should my teenage daughter be spending the night with her boyfriend when ever she wants? She believes that because she's 18 she can do whatever she wants, and her boyfriend says outright we are 'stupid' for not allowing it. Its a constant fight in our house, and I'm terribly sad because this isn't how we raised her.

So folks, what do you think? Should this woman's teenage daughter be allowed to sleep over at her boyfriends as she pleases? And for those of you with dating teenagers, or even older kids who still live at home - what have you done? What worked to reduce the tension, and what didn't?

A recent reader response to Who Pays on a Date surprised me:

I used to have a rule about money and sex. My friends called me the 40 dollar man. If I didn't have sex by the time I spent 40 dollars I wouldn't see them again. Well guess what? I had sex with 27 women the first year I did that."

The reader then explained that he'd since stopped using this (what I've now dubbed) $40 dating rule, since he was becoming embarrassed and uncomfortable with his behavior.

Of course, pursuing casual dating relationships isn't a new concept, and the Pick Up Artist (PUA) movement is gaining notoriety and fans on a daily basis because of shows like VH1's The Pick Up Artist and books like Neil Strauss' The Game (Buy Direct). But it isn't often that I find followers of these tactics commenting on this site.

What do you think about this $40 dating rule? Do you have a similar idea, or have you tried something along the same lines that worked for you? Does it surprise you? Upset you? Perhaps it fuels you to try it and see for yourself. Comment and let me know what you think.

Related: Dating Rules