Last year I used to host a dating and relationships blog carnival here, but because of lack suitable posts I had to discontinue the carnival. However several readers and a few colleagues have mentioned the carnival and how much they enjoyed reading it, so I've decided to revamp to see how it goes on a monthly schedule.

If you are interested in sharing a blog post that related to singles, dating and relationships with our readers, please read over the dating blog carnival guidelines for more information.

As a Canadian, I've already celebrated Thanksgiving this year, and am grateful that I avoided another Thanksgiving dating disaster. It is my firm belief that I was able to reduce holiday stress with some careful planning and forethought.

So don't let the pressure of the holidays get to you! Start planning now, whether its to meet someone new during the holidays, celebrate being single, meeting the parents, planning a romantic dinner or trying to please both of your families.

Only a few months after introducing their new, free dating site, Match.com's Down To Earth has morphed into Stir.com, a portal for what's new and hot in the nightlife scene. According to their tagline: "People. Places. Parties. Stir is here to help you find the best of all of them."

Users who had previously registered with Down To Earth have automatically been moved to the new portal, although members who aren't interested in the lifestyle site can log in to either company and go to the account preferences page to have their account removed. However when I logged into Stir.com to see what the story was for myself, I was unable to locate this page. Users will however receive an email informing them of this change, and how to unsubscribe if need be.

Is it worth migrating to Stir.com, or keeping your profile active? In my opinion, it depends on what you're after in the dating world. If Stir.com becomes anything like long-standing nightlife portal ClubZone, you'll definitely meet new people through the service that have similar interests and tastes. But when I went to look and see who else in my area had signed up - or even what was going on this weekend - I was met with an error message that repeatedly stated, "Our site may be experiencing technical difficulties, or we may be working to improve this area of the site," along with an ad to another singles dating site.

UPDATE: A kind gentleman from Match.com contacted me after I posted this blog entry, advising me that Stir.com "doesn't currently have any event data in Canada," which would explain why I wasn't able to see much on the site (being a Canadian). The company however is looking into the errors to see if something else is amiss. If you've used Stir.com, feel free to post in the comments your experiences with the new service.

Related: Get Over Your Fears About Meeting New People, Places To Meet Singles, Top Free Dating Sites.

A new, short lived series called Dating in the Dark (6 episodes in its first season, pending the ok for season number two) has gotten me thinking about attraction, chemistry, and how much looks really matter to singles and dating couples.

Read more...

Dawn asks, "What is your opinion on flirting with others when you're in a relationship? I have a friend who's been dating a sweet young lady for about a year, but he flirts with other women-- including me-- incessantly. I think flirting with a stranger is OK. You see an attractive person in the store, you smile at each other, maybe have a very brief conversation, and never see each other again. It makes you feel good about yourself and gives a little lift to your day. But flirting with people you know is risky; there's a chance that it could turn into something more, and it's simply disrespectful to your partner. What do you think?"

Read more...

Break ups suck, no matter whether you're the one being broken up with, or the one doing the breaking up. Its going to hurt no matter what happens, and thus, some coping skills are needed.

Over the years, surely you've found some things that have helped you move on and get over someone. I know that for me, the worst break ups have also been the times in my life where I've grown the most, and been the busiest - more out of necessity than anything.

How about you? How have you coped with a bad break up? A new feature still in its testing phase is being tried out on this site, which allows readers like yourself to share a story about how they overcame or did something that is dating related. I'd love to hear your stories about coping after a break up (form), and what worked for you, as well as any feedback about the form and process itself. You can reach me at dating.guide@about.com if there are any problems.

Related: What Not To Do After A Break Up, Kick Bad Love Habits After A Break Up.

I've been told on more than a few occasions that Halloween is the best time of year to meet someone. Why? Because everyone in a costume has a built in conversation starter.

So then why not use this same idea and integrate it into our everyday lives? The concept is an integral one to the pickup artist culture (although they call it peacocking), where the person trying to attract someone wears or has on at least one conversation piece.

Which isn't to say I think you should go all out and become something you aren't. But at the same time, if you can inject some of the fun and frivolity of Halloween into your day to day life, and it allows you to meet someone truly special, why wouldn't you try it and see?

Have you ever used a prop to attract someone? Did it work? Why or why not?

Confused City Girl asks, "I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months now whom I met from a Craigslist ad that I had posted stating that I was looking for an awesome boyfriend. This guy replies with an awesome e-mail and was very cute too so I make plans to go out on a date with him. We clicked immediately and have been seeing each other since then. We have been to concerts together, spent many nights together, planned a vacation next month, I have even met his family and they love me.

A while ago I noticed that his Facebook and MySpace claim he is still single. I didn't let it bother me too much but I did feel a bit hurt. Recently I have noticed that his text messages are less frequent and much less romantic than they had been. He has also been claiming to need a lot of alone time because he has only been out a long term relationship a few months longer than knowing me.

Read more...

Julian asks: "I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and since the beginning we have been having sex. All of a sudden though, she tells me that she does not want to "disrespect" her body and that she does not want us having sex anymore. I feel like she should not have made such a big decision that affects both of us without even talking to me about it beforehand. I love her very much and to me the sex was a way of showing that love. It seems to me that if a relationship was sexually active, and that factor is suddenly taken away, the relationship can't be expected to be the same. Any advice?"

I agree that your relationship with your girlfriend cannot be the same as it was before, as what sounds like a big part of the way the two of you share your affection was through sexual intercourse has now been removed from the equation. However, I think that having sex or not having sex isn't the question.

Yes, it would have been much easier and kinder if your girlfriend to have talked to you about what was going through her mind before she made a decision. When you enter into a relationship with someone, part of that process is agreeing that any major decisions that affect the both of you are discussed, first. Someone gets offered their dream job 400 miles away, an ex invites you to their wedding, or whom to spend the holidays with are all conversations better had, together, before a decision has been made.

Sex however is a tricky one, because for many people it is very difficult to talk to their partner about their needs and wants. Using the word "disrespect" tells me that your girlfriend has been struggling with this for some time and needs you to understand her dilemma. It wasn't easy for her I'm sure to tell you about her decision, but I'll hazard a guess that it had very little to do with you. Rather, some outside force is "telling" her that sex is shameful, bad or not to be shared with someone she isn't married to. Problem is, it doesn't sound like you know which category her decision falls into.

Ask her why she feels sex is disrespectful to her body, and try to really listen to what she's saying. I know its difficult to hear from the person you love that they want to stop an important aspect of your relationship, but if you want to make things work with this woman, you are going to have to bite your tongue (and pride) and find out the reasons why she feels this way. When did this become a problem, and why? What is she hoping to gain from not having sex with you anymore? Is all affection off limits (kissing, touching, hand holding), or just sex itself? Has she talked to a mental health professional, medical expert, sex therapist or someone in her religion and/or family about her decision?

Once you have a better idea as to what the reasoning is behind her decision, you can sit down together and talk about how a sexless relationship will affect the both of you, and whether or not it is something you can go back to. I know of women who have stopped having sex with their partners to prompt a marriage proposal, others who have found a religious calling, and yet others who were feeling depressed and didn't find sex at all satisfying anymore. Whatever her reason, you'll have to weigh your feelings on the matter, see if the two of you can come to a compromise (or at the very least get some professional help on the matter), and if not, determine whether or not your relationship can evolve into something new or if it is time for the two of you to part ways.

Related: Should We Take This Relationship To The Next Level Or Breakup?, The Problem of Desire in Long Term Relationships.

Everywhere I go, I see mention of cougars. No, I don't mean the animals in the wild, but rather the relatively new terminology that associates older women with younger men. The first mention of a cougar in this context (and please do correct me if I'm wrong) was Valerie Gibson's book, Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men, which was originally released in 2001 and has seen an upswing in sales since its re-release last year.

But although calling someone a cougar wasn't the nicest of labels a few years ago, older women seem to be wearing the title in stride, somewhat in part to the character of Samantha on Sex in the City. There are reality shows about cougar women (TV Land's The Cougar), movies (2007's Cougar Club), a cougar convention held this past August in Las Vegas, and Courtenay Cox's Cougar Town is coming to a TV near you this fall as well.

So it only makes sense that the "first" cougar cruise would be held next year too, where cougars and their "cubs" (men who hook up with cougars) can meet in a no-holds-barred, sexually charged setting. Although billed as the first of its kind, I did find mention of another cougar cruise from Canadian dating and sex columnist Josey Vogels, who described in great detail her experiences on the four-hour tour. Still, this new cruise under the Carnival line boasts a bit more get-to-know-you time, with three days of on-board fun and frivolity including a pit stop in Ensenada, Mexico.

Is being a cougar different than dating younger men? I think so, as the cougar mentality seems to focus more on the casual sex aspect of dating relationships, rather than the friends with benefits or actual relationship scenario. Yet, every mention of cougars in a relationship context was combined with tales of May-December romances, such as Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate or real-life couple Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. So which is it folks? Is a cougar a woman who merely seeks out relationships with men significantly her junior, or are cougars more the older version of a male player?

I must say I'm impressed at how many of you are already thinking, looking, researching your Halloween costumes this year - be it a couples costume or singles costume, people are planning ahead.

I spoke briefly with a representative from Spirit Halloween, a Halloween costume retailer, and asked them what was hot this year. Anything Twilight-related (either solo as a vampire or tandem ala Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart) are in hot demand, as are gladiator, flapper and gangster-related costumes. And online costume retailer Buy Costumes (Buy Direct) is showing anything superhero related or star trek/star wars flying off the shelves.

I've listed a few of my personal favorites for the year below, but I'm wondering: what will you wear for Halloween this year?

• Knight In Shining Armor Costume
• Twister Halloween Costume
• Ally Capone (Buy Direct) and Rob N. Banks (Buy Direct)
• Corpse Groom (Buy Direct) and Corpse Bride (Buy Direct)
• Gladiatrix (Buy Direct) and Gladiator (Buy Direct)
• Flapper Girl (Buy Direct) and Prohibition-Age Gangster (Buy Direct)

Mercedes asks, "What does it mean if you find an unwrapped condom in your boyfriends truck, and he says his friend accidentally left it there because he lent out his truck so the friend could see a girl?"

Touchy question Mercedes, and a lot of how I'd answer this dating question depends on your relationship about both how the information was shared, as well as how it went down. Have you been dating more than six months, or is this a relatively new dating relationship? Has your boyfriend given you reason not to trust him before? Are the two of you using condoms? Have you been tested recently for STDs? Does your boyfriend routinely lend out his truck to friends for similar reasons? Was the condom merely unwrapped or (ick) used?

These types of situations are always shocking to someone who didn't see it coming no matter how solid your relationship is or how long you've been dating. Sure, your boyfriend could have warned you that he lent out his truck before the nasty surprise, but if he really did do as he's saying, then its also not unheard of to have that kind of detail slip his mind either. I'll talk more about this in a moment.

At the same time, you don't want to be risking your sexual health with a man who isn't trustworthy either. Has he given you reason to be suspicious before? Have you been going through a rocky patch? Has he shown any other signs of cheating? If he has, I'd be both having a discussion with him about it as well as not having unprotected sex with the man. But if he's given you no other reason to question him, why would you start now?

Case in point: when I first started dating the man I'm seeing now, he had an ex-girlfriend invite him to a going away party. He asked to borrow my car so he could attend because his was in the shop, so I willingly gave him the keys. I knew there was nothing between them anymore and he merely wanted to wish her well. The next day when he returned my car, I got into the passenger seat (he usually drives when we're together) and found the seat pushed way back, and a headband with sparkly balls attached with springs (the kind of thing people wear at a bar party) next to the seat. My first reaction wasn't a positive one - so I kept it to myself. What I did say however, as I pulled out the headgear, was, "Oh my, and what is this?" My guy turned beet red and shared, "I know how it looks. The ex got really drunk and I couldn't let her drive home like that. So I offered her and her friend a lift. The seat is pushed back because I had her playing tunes off my computer since you don't have a stereo, and I had to see past her to drive properly."

We've only mentioned the incident in passing since, and its always been with laughter. Why? Because his story was not only plausible, he was so embarrassed that he hadn't beaten me to the punch that I couldn't have believed otherwise. As well, I know he's not out to hurt me, and he hadn't given me a reason not to believe him. So although my first reaction was a visceral, reactive one, it had very little to do with reality. I trust my partner, and I like to think it shows. If I had to question whether or not his story was true and tear myself up over it, I'd have to stop dating him.

But what do you think dear readers? Should Mercedes be worried, has she not given us enough information, or are there other things you'd suggest she try?

I've had a lot of fun this week reading about some of the slang terms used both in the past and currently with regards to dating and relationships, and how much I take for granted some of the words I use daily that might not make a lot of sense to someone not familiar with the English language, or even someone not familiar with regional variations. For instance, hooking up is an oft-used slang term, but the age of the person using it as well as where they live will determine what "hooking up" really means. For some, hooking up refers to having casual sex, others use it to define casual dating or friends with benefits, while for yet others it means merely spending time together.

Every subset of the dating world seems to have its own slang terms as well. Pickup artists use words like kino, avatar and peacocking, folks in the UK refer to sailor's elbows, relationship therapists are hearing words like umfriend, textationship and exing being used by their clients, and poly folks refer to slang terms like NRE, abundant love, and open relationships.

Do you have any slang terms that you use to refer to a partner, a relationship or a fling? What are they, and how did they get started?

I'm working my way through the book The Rules of Love by Richard Templar (Buy Direct). In it, Templar outlines what he feels are the rules everyone must follow in order to find and keep a happy romantic relationship. Some of his rules are contentions, but none more so (in my opinion) than #46 - Your Partner Is More Important Than Your Kids.

More important, you say? Tell that to the hundreds of thousands of single parents around the world today, and see what their reaction is. I'll hazard most of them would blanch at this suggestion, much less agree with it. And frankly, the first thing that came to mind for me when I read #46 was a horrible story where a single parent did rank their partner over their kids: a woman - whose boyfriend was in jail for stalking her and uttering threats - was told by one of her children that they didn't like said boyfriend. The Mom in turn defended the boyfriend's actions, saying he was a good, solid man. Not the best of thought processes for sure, but I'll hazard many single parents think of a similar type of situation when discussing who has priority in their lives.

As I read Templar's rule however, I softened a bit. He wasn't saying that single parents dating shouldn't spend less time with their kids. Rather, he says that a single parent's children will take up the brunt of one's time. I quote:

"... it's crucial that your partner is the primary focus of your life, even while your responsibility and time commitment to the children is greater. I'm not saying you should love them best because there's enough love for everyone and it's a very different kind of love. But never lose sight of the fact that having children at home is temporary (albeit long term temporary) whereas your partner is for life."

Templar is obviously speaking of folks who have made a lifelong commitment to one another. But I'm not sure if what he's suggesting should apply to everyone... or maybe he has a point. Should our partners - once we've hit that magical dating period where the kids are involved and everyone's lives are deeply intertwined - be our #1 focus to keep a dating relationship burning bright? Or are the rules of love not the same as the rules of dating?

Related: The Perks of Dating A Single Parent

Sarah asks, "My boyfriend is a really bad kisser. Is there something I can do?"

You don't say specifically why your boyfriend is a bad kisser, so I have to assume he's doing something that you don't enjoy. Too much tongue perhaps, or maybe he doesn't understand the tempo or rhythm of a great kiss. Either way the fix is fairly straightforward: make a game out of it. Tell your boyfriend you want to try something new, and ask him to follow what you do - a mime if you would. Ask him to close his eyes, open his mouth slightly, and be flexible with whatever comes his way. Then kiss him the way you like to be kissed, teasing him gently if he starts doing his own thing instead of taking your lead. "Ah, ah, this is my version of Simon Says, and Sarah says close your eyes and relax!"

You could also try different methods of kissing to get some new ideas for the both of you to try. Make a night of it even, attempting to mimic the kisses in your favorite movies, or teach each other how to give a 'screen kiss' just in case one of you decides to become a famous actor and, well, you know. Take kissing quizzes, make a list of all the different types of kisses there are, or tell him you read about a new kissing technique you'd like to try out. Point is, have fun with it, and be open to learning something new yourself. And whenever your partner's bad kissing turns into something divine, make sure to moan or otherwise display your pleasure so he knows without question he's on the right track.

Related: Should I Hold Off On Passionate Kissing Until I'm Ready To Have Sex?

One of the dating forum regulars tipped me off to a new dating show called Dating in the Dark, where participants meet other singles in an attempt connect minus the use of their sight. The prsemise is simple, although so far the results have netted almost exclusively the same end result: the men were more willing to date the women they'd met in the dark than vice versa.

The concept makes me think of a book I just finished reading called Sex Comes First: 15 Ways To Save Your Relationship Without Leaving The Bedroom. In a chapter focusing on lack of intimacy in a romantic relationship, the authors discuss a study undertaken where the participants were left in an unlit room together. 90% of the people in the room went out of their way to touch someone else, and 50% hugged another person in the room. In the control group hanging out in a lit room however, none of the participants made any attempts to touch anyone else.

It also makes me think of the smell dating event that Dial put on a few weeks back that I also blogged about (see: Smell Dating?), where the female participants were blindfolded and asked to smell the robed male singles in attendance, half of whom had showered with a new pheromone-laced body wash Dial recently released. The organizers sent me a note afterwards to inform me that the event was a huge success, with several couples wanting to date after the event, and one couple in particular that hit it off so well they went home together.

What does surprise me however are the women in the Dating In The Dark show, who aren't finding the same connection with the gents on the series as they did when they were, literally, left in the dark. Are the women on the show really that judgmental, or were there other reasons for their unwillingness? And so much for the maxim that men are more focused on looks than anything else; most of the gents profiled waited for the women at the end of the show to demonstrate their interest, but were left with no one joining them in the end.

US viewers can watch the show for free online at the ABC website for the show, Dating In The Dark.

_{Note: My memory didn't serve me right, and Dial is the name of the company with the new pheromone-laced body wash for men. I apologize to Dial, and to the readers looking for more information about this product.}

Is 73-year-old Morgan Freeman dating his 27-year-old step-granddaughter, while still married to second wife Myrna Colley-Lee? The net is all abuzz about the age gap relationship, but Freeman's publicist has been quoted as saying the rumor is "complete garbage".

Yet the National Enquirer has run a story stating E'Dena Hines, who Freeman has raised with Colley-Lee since the end of his first marriage, has been having a decade-long affair with Freeman. How did the Enquirer get this information? Supposedly, Freeman's divorce documents mention the relationship with Hines as a reason for the breakup.

I can't find any reliable sources for the alleged relationship and whether or not Morgan Freeman dating his step-daughter is bogus or not, but this isn't the first time an age gap dating relationship has made headlines; in 1997 Woody Allen (then 55) married Soon-Yi Previn (then 22), the young woman he'd raised as his own with former live-in lover Mia Farrow. Reports stated Previn was Allen's step-daughter, however Farrow and Allen never married and thus was never Previn's legal guardian. Photos show the couple still together in 2009 attending film festivals together, hand in hand.

What do you feel about age gap relationship, also known as May December romances? Does age mean anything to you when dating, or is it just a social construct? How about if you were in a parental-type relationship at one point, and then later dated them - does that change how you feel?

Sources: Morgan Freeman Won't Marry Step-Granddaughter, Is Morgan Freeman Dating His Step-Granddaughter?

Toto asks: "I have been dating this guy for 5 weeks now. The first two weeks were great but by the 3rd week I began to notice that there was a distance building between us. He was calling less often and we were spending less time together. Last week I asked him if there was a problem and he said that he felt that the dating was moving quickly towards a relationship/ commitment when he was not really ready for one. He said that he was experiencing financial difficulty at the moment and he didnt want to get into anything serious unless he was sure his career was headed in the right direction. I really want this to work because I feel a connection with him and I think that this can be really special. But he is making it more and more difficult for me to get through to him, and I dont want to lose him. What should I do?"

Miss Toto, you are coming on too strong for this guy that you've barely started to date. You're asking for way too much, way too early, and your gent has been kind enough to say so. Him telling you what he needs is a great thing - now all you have to do is hear him, instead of continuing to try and "get through to him". He's made up his mind, and no amount of cajoling on your part will change that. If anything, it'll make him run for the hills.

Let's break down what he's told you so far:

• He's under a lot of stress with his job and can't commit to anything while he's working things out;
• He feels things between you are moving too fast;
• He's not ready for a commitment or a relationship right now; and
• He's not able or willing to spend as much time with you as he did in the first two weeks of your relationship.

To me, your answer here is clear. Continue to push for a relationship and you'll be left in the cold. Now, you may not have said outright that a relationship is what you're after (to him or to me), but that message is still coming across loud and clear. And if that's the impression I'm getting, then what do you think the man you're dating is hearing?

Take a step back and do as your gent has requested. Stop putting so much pressure on the relationship to 'be something' right from the start, and just enjoy dating again. Plan some fun dates together, and give him the space and time he needs. I'd even suggest you start dating other people if the two of you aren't exclusive, following a plan like The Four Man Plan (a bit racey but fun) or Love in 90 Days (tamer and very thorough). You might be surprised at how he reacts to you taking a step back as he's requested, and either way it will give you a better idea as to whether or not the man truly can be special to you, or not.

Related: Does My Boyfriend Want Space?

Confusted asks: "My boyfriend and I split up over five months ago. He cheated on me and then left after three years. Its been really hard on me and I miss him more then anything. Lately he's been calling my friends trying to get back into my life. I don't know what to do at this point. I can't trust him but I feel like I can't be without him. What should I do?"

I get this question a lot, although usually there are some variations, either in the form of getting caught cheating, wondering if he/she was going to cheat, or getting back together but repeating the same issues that were present before (sometimes cheating related, sometimes not). My answer for each of these situations is quite similar: if you can't trust your partner, then you shouldn't get your ex back. Period.

Can trust be re-earned? Definitely, but it isn't a quick, easy or terribly pleasant path for anyone involved when cheating is a factor, in my experience. The person who behaved poorly has to recognize their mistake(s), admit responsibility, get help with whatever behavior led them to the breach of trust, and then actively work with their partner regularly to ensure it never happens again. But the other person isn't off the hook either, they'll still need to review how their actions contributed to the situation - just as long as dating violence wasn't a factor - and work through any unfinished business as well.

Are either of you willing or able to move through this process together? I can't tell for sure from what you've shared, but my hunch is telling me no. Your ex could merely be curious as to how you're doing, and you are still very invested in making your ex your boyfriend again - without having worked through the breakup, as you state you "can't be without him". Frankly, you can be without him, and you already have been for the past five months. Don't put your romantic life on hold for this man who couldn't uphold his commitment to you, and work towards moving on from this painful relationship. I know its not easy, but you must in order to get ready to date once more, in order to find someone you can trust and adore.

Related:

• How Negative Self Esteem Affects Dating Relationships
• Feel Better After A Breakup
• Kick Bad Love Habits After A Breakup

Science Daily reported on this advance in modern biotechnology in December of 2006, stating the 'molecular condom' would take a minimum of five years of testing and another ten before it would be readily available, but this week the news has changed. According to several sources (Globe and Mail, Macleans, About.com's Guide to Sexuality) this medical marvel might be available to the public in the next three to five years after human trials have been conducted.

How does this condomless protection work? Researchers from the University of Utah have developed the chameleon-like gel. When it comes into contact with semen, the gel turns into a more solid formation that encapsulates the AIDS virus completely. Created to assist women in African countries where AIDS is at an all time high, the gel would cost approximately 0.10 cents a dosage to manufacture, as compared to male condoms (0.o3 cents) and female condoms (0.60 cents). Several of the reports also stated that the gel may be used to reduce pregnancy or the risks associated with other STDs, but the researchers hadn't tested it for those purposes yet.

This gel has received a lot of press these past few days, some of which I found incredibly distasteful - the worst being the Globe and Mail's first line in their coverage of the story:

"Women who are fed up with their partners not wearing condoms during sex may soon have a new tool to protect themselves against HIV infection."

Either way, I'm eager to hear how this research pans out (although I'd hate to be a human tester - how could it be tested without exposing oneself to the AIDS virus?), and how it'll change the face of dating and relationships as we know them today.

Ashley asks: "My boyfriend told me he never wanted kids. It wasn't very surprising when he told me that his ex wife stopped taking birth control pills so she could get pregnant. It also wasn't surprising when he told me that he signed all of his parental rights for his own child away and got a divorce. The thing that surprises me is that we met through an online dating site. He knew from my page that I had a child that lives with me part time, yet he pursued me anyway. I do not try and force him to spend time with my child, but at the same time it would be great if he did. Is this relationship worth staying in?"

It depends on what your definition of "worth" is, as well as what your relationship expectations are. If you'd like your boyfriend to one day become your husband, then yes, I'd say you and him need to have a talk pronto. If you want him to be a more active role model in your child's life, once again, the two of you need to discuss your wants and needs. But if he's already been married and chosen to divest himself of all parental responsibilities, then its highly unlikely he's going to change his mind now - although of course, anything is possible.

There is also the chance that this man may see your relationship a means to an end: he needed to rebound, learn to trust again after such a horrible betrayal, and/or (maybe) see that raising a child isn't so bad. He likely doesn't see your relationship as being something lifelong however, but rather one to help him through a difficult time in his life with someone he cares about, and with someone that doesn't pressure him into dealbreaker situations.

Have you spoken with your boyfriend about the situation? Casual and low key would be best here, because the conversation is weighty for the both of you (but for different reasons). When the two of you are alone, ask him what kind of role, if any, he sees himself playing in your child's life. Tell him outright you aren't looking to pressure him into anything, you'd just like to know to avoid confusion, as well as what would be the best way to go about interactions with your little one, if at all. Because frankly, if he doesn't want any role in your child's life, it would be best for you to stop all contact between them now to alleviate any serious issues down the road, as well as to re-evaluate the relationship between the two of you, and whether or not you have a future together or if you're ok with the way things stand.

Related: Should We Take This Relationship To The Next Level Or Break Up?

Its the age-old chicken or the egg question - what came first? And in this case, the debate is regarding whether or not Facebook creates jealous people, or attracts already jealous people to their folds. Case in point: a recently released Canadian study found that the more time users spent perusing Facebook, the more jealous they were.

Now, the sample size was small (just over 300 people), and used a young age range (17-24). But the 'Facebook jealousy scale' that they created seemed very, very real, dishing out questions - such as how much of the green eyed monster a person felt when their significant other befriended someone of the opposite sex that they didn't know. However no conclusions were drawn regarding whether or not Facebook created jealous people or not, saying the options were "inexorably intertwined". I'd be interested in seeing a study showing how jealous you are before using Facebook, and then measuring jealousy levels again after signing up.

_{Source: Time Magazine, Could Facebook Be Sowing Seeds Of Jealousy?}

_{Related: Zelophobia, I'm Jealous Of Her Guy Friends, How Strong Is Your Love?}

Last month's Cosmo found that 70% of their readers believed it important to marry their soulmate, but more that 50% of the respondents thought it would be impossible to find that person. I'm not sure how many of you feel this way, but I'm of the opinion that that's an awful lot of pressure to put on someone you're dating.

Is there really only one person out there for all of us, or are we able to connect deeply and intensely with more than one human being? Fans of polyamory think its entirely possible - even while in a relationship and/or in love with someone else - and the experts interviewed in the Cosmo (Buy Direct) article I read also felt the concept of one soulmate didn't exist in reality. If anything, those interviewed for the article felt that people who believe in The One and one and only, were doing themselves a disservice by either staying in a relationship that wasn't a good one for them (because they'd convinced themselves there were no other options), or were so picky that they'd overlook their soulmate because they didn't immediately fit.

How about you? Do you believe you'll find your soulmate? Have you found your soulmate already? Do you think soulmates exist? Why or why not?

The dating younger men posts have a significant number of readers chiming in on their thoughts, so it was only a matter of time before a male reader asked about dating younger women in response. This comment was originally posted in the dating younger men blog thread, but I've moved it here because, to me, its a whole different conversation and deserves its own response.

Bryan asks: "Since this thread seems to be only women responses I would like to ask all of you for your opinions positive or negative. I am a 53 year old recently divorced man getting back in the dating game. My problem is I can easily pass for being in my late 30's. I am fit, toned and dress younger than most men in their 50's. Honestly, I don't feel much different than I did when I was 30, and younger women are attracted to me. Should I start dating younger women? What happens when they find my true age? I find myself resenting having a number placed on my back by society. I really don't know how to get older, and am confused by all this. I am attracted to younger women because I still have the vigor and attitude of a younger man. Am I an old fool? Thanks in advance."

I've got a personal take on this question, which I've answered in Dating Younger Women. But what you do think readers? Is it possible for this man to start dating younger women? Why or why not?

Jennifer asks: "I need tips and hints for an attraction I have to a co-worker that's married. He's made comments to me and to others at work that things are not great at home. I don't want to be a home wrecker but I also don't want to pass on a chance with a great guy. We've only flirted with each other, nothing serious has been said or done between us."

Jennifer, I'm going to be frank with you, and I'll hazard a guess you won't like my response by the way you've phrased your question. But here it is: there are oodles of single, available, attractive, 'great' guys. Why would you put yourself out there for someone who is obviously, completely unavailable, and may never be anything else as it stands now?

It sounds like there is a lot going on behind the scenes with this gentleman, most of which already says a lot about who he is, and what kind of person he'll be in a relationship: he openly talks to coworkers about his personal issues (would you want him to blab about the two of you at the office?), and he is using the attraction between you to take the edge off of the unhappiness in his marriage (would you feel comfortable if he flirted with other coworkers when things were rough, if you ever got together?).

Even so, he's not available. You've stated you don't want to be a home wrecker - so don't be. If his marriage ends, let it be because it wasn't meant to be and not because of temptation from elsewhere. If they do separate, and if you're still single a year after that happens, then you can think about acting on your attraction. Until then? Put him out of your mind, ponder why you'd choose someone who is unavailable, focus on the things that make you feel amazing about yourself, and work on meeting someone and/or attracting a guy who is ready and able to give you the kind of relationship you deserve from the start.

Related: Attracting Positive Relationships, Attract A Love Relationship Using Feng Shui, When Not To Date.

Heartbreak asks: "A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I got engaged. The past year of our relationship has been nothing short of amazing, and we've both often spoken about how truly special our love is for each other. Last night, we got into a bit of an argument (which happens every few weeks or so), and when it was clear that nothing constructive was being said, I grabbed my laptop that he had been using and went upstairs to be alone for a while. When I opened my laptop, his online social network account was open and in the "messages" section. To my utter shock and dismay, there were messages that he sent to almost 10 RANDOM, foreign women, introducing himself and saying he would "like to get to know them better".

I confronted him about the messages which, at first, he denied being anything more than spam, but when I showed him the impossibility of the messages being spam since HE INITIATED THEM, he fell silent. I packed up my things, hysterically crying from heartbreak, and went to stay at my friend's house. When I got back in the morning to grab my toothbrush, he tried hard to reconcile. I told him that I didn't know if I could get past his lying to me and what it meant regarding the commitment we'd just made to one another.

He insists that he's had this "problem" for a while and that its started up again because he's not getting the affection that he needs from me. He brought up wanting me to be more "effusive" with him in the past, maybe a few times at most, and never let on that this inadequacy was driving him down an old vice of his. I am lost and heartbroken and don't know if I can believe him or trust him ever again. Can someone please lend any advice on what I should do? Has anyone experienced similar lying and, if so, was a reconciliation possible and how?"

Thanks for your challenging question Heartbreak, which is more common of a situation than you might think. I've answered it in an article about Lying and Commitment, but in the meantime readers, what advice to you have for this heartbroken woman?

_{Have a dating question you'd like answered? Try filling out the dating advice submission form, or jump in the dating forum if you'd like a faster response to a more urgent question.}

Related: Getting A Loved One Help, Tips For Communicating With An Addicted Loved One.

How does a city earn high rankings for singles? A variety of factors are taken into account, such as 'coolness' factor and the cost of living alone. But this year New York edged out the others because it had the highest number of singles using online dating sites. What do you think? Previous years readers have stated they thought New York was the best city - do you think the Forbes ranking got it right this time?

Out There asks: "I'm 41 and have been dating a guy for about six weeks now. We've been out 7 times and each time has been great. We have good chemistry, great conversation, lots of laughs and get along very well. In between dates we email/text/talk daily. It seems to be a good match but so far he has barely kissed me. A goodnight kiss is all. I even asked for him to kiss me once and he made it quick and said it wasn't the right moment. We've talked about wanting to take it slow which I am fine with, but I am an affectionate person and I feel like I can't be myself in this way. I'm not ready to sleep with him, just want to be able to hold hands and kiss! Starting to wonder if there is an issue? He is admittedly guarded but says he has let me into his world and I am special to him. Could he just want to be friends? Do guys really invest this kind of time and energy into someone they are not really into?"

I'd love to hear some 40-something men chime in on this one, because, well, I don't fit the demographic. But my take is that he really does want to take things slow, and perhaps is even a romantic. I can think of several men I know who go out of their way to take things a lot slower than they normally would with a woman they see potential in for a lifelong relationship.

But the issue isn't that he wants to take things slow, but rather that you feel clipped in your ability to express your affection for the man. For you, holding hands and kissing is important in a relationship, even in the early stages, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. So why not take his hand the next time the two of you are out walking together and see what happens? Worst case scenario is that he tells you he doesn't want to and then you can broach the subject, just make sure to be kind and listen well. I do however believe he's into you, its just a matter of how and if he shows his interest in a physical way.

But fair readers, what do you think? Is this man trying to take things too slow, or is there something else going on?

Melanie asks: I am 20, single and am seeing this 24-year-old guy named Adam. When we met a month ago we went on a date to go see a movie, and it was obvious that we liked each other. Our second date we went to his house, watched a movie and then became friends with benefits. About 20 days ago and handful of dates later, and I told him that I wanted a relationship with him because I liked him so much, and that friends with benefits wasn't working for me anymore. His response? "I'm not looking for a relationship."

Two days ago I asked him out, but he replied quite angrily, "I already told you I don't want a relationship!" Yet just before I asked him out he said he thought about me the day before, and hast he wanted to cuddle with me even though he normally hates it.

I really want a relationship with Adam and not just a friends with benefits relationship! Is there any way I can convince him?

Its highly unlikely that you'll ever get more from this guy other that what you've already had - friends with benefits. If you want more than friends with benefits, its time to end the interaction and find someone who wants the same thing you do, as he's been very clear with you that he's not interested in anything else. Try next time you meet someone you're attracted to and interested in to be upfront from the start about what you're looking for. In the meantime? Forget about this guy. Don't call, email, text or otherwise get in contact with him. Don't reply to his obviously disrespectful requests - you don't want just sex while he's pushing for it - and invest your energy into meeting someone who is on the same page and respectful of your needs.

But you tell me readers: can Melanie turn this friends with benefits relationship into something more? If so, how? If no, why not?

_{Another reader Friends with Benefits question}

Like many of you, I read a lot of dating blogs on a regular basis. One of my favorites is Evan Marc Katz, who some of you may be familiar with for having written Why You're Still Single. Although he's no longer single, having gotten married last year to a woman he met online, he's still dolling out excellent dating advice to his readers.

One such advice column is, "Is It Ok To Love Someone But Not Be In Love". In it, a reader asks what his girlfriend of two and a half years means when she told him she loves him but isn't 'in love' with him anymore, and how that affects their plans to buy a house together and marry within the next year. Katz's response to the reader is bang on, but that's not the reason for this blog posting today.

Rather, I want to talk about the feeling of being 'in love', and how it can blind us to a partnership of our dreams. Katz's blog posting got me thinking about this elusive but oh-so-wonderful feeling, and how we know we're in love in the first place. Also, is saying to someone that you care for them deeply, but aren't feeling that passionate oozy goodness anymore really a bad thing, or is it more an evolution of what truly loving someone is?

Its my opinion that love evolves, similar to what researchers have found when reviewing long term relationships and how feelings change throughout the lifetime of a relationship. There is the 'honeymoon' period, which can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to 18 months or so, where the 'in love' feelings are the most present. The highs are incredibly high, the lows are sometimes a bit scary, and as a whole its a pretty powerful, earth-shattering feeling. This is the stage where people act more impulsively than normal, and say things that they normally wouldn't.

Afterwards, most of us move into a more stable type of love (if the relationship can last through that crazy 'in love' process). Something more dependable, resilient, unconditional appears. Its not as heady for sure, but its the kind of love you know you can spend the rest of your life basking in, enjoying, growing old with.

For some of us, moving from the one stage to the other might feel a bit like 'falling out of love', or not being 'in love' anymore. For others, a crash not unlike a sugar high, and we crave more of that high again so we seek it out again elsewhere. Although I have yet to read any scientific proof that coincides with my feelings on this topic, but its my guess that this is why (and when) many relationships go south. To me, this is the stage where love becomes a choice, not a wave to ride, and for some of us, that wave is a bit too heady and exciting to not live with every single day of our lives. But is it realistic to think we can find that, and are we ending perfectly good, stable, loving relationships in search of it?

There's a relatively new trend in dating spheres these days, one that takes people's DNA and matches them via smell, immunity and/or biochemical matchmaking. The creators of such dating services, such as DNA Dating and GenePartner, ask users to pay a fee ranging from one hundred to several thousand dollars, take a DNA sample, and then match singles with other users in their databases using complex matching algorithms, primarily taking into account ones immune system.

I was interviewed on this same topic earlier last week by the New York Times, which owns About.com. Blinded By Science In The Online Dating Game touches on some of the issues and debates regarding these kinds of programs, although it focuses more on online matchmaking science a la eHarmony and Chemistry.com. What the article didn't touch on was the pheromone side of the science of matchmaking, namely the use of a scent that supposedly makes folks irresistible to others.

Personally, I've used used pheromones to attract people, and tested them while on a date as well as randomly. In both instances, the people whose company I kept either mentioned the fragrance, or reacted differently to me than they normally would have. But I still have to wonder if the use of these pheromones masked my natural scent - and thus messed with my own personal 'DNA compatibility', similarly to how women taking birth control pills choose dramatically different men (from an immunological perspective) than when they were Pill-free.

But what if a dating company took these types of 'dating science' and blended them into a real-world application? Dial Body Wash is trying to just that this weekend in a speed dating extravaganza, where the women are blindfolded and the men are in bathrobes. Nine men and women will 'meet' one another where some of the men will have have used Dial's new pheromone-enhanced body wash beforehand. Author and Matchmaker Janis Spindel will also be in attendance, assisting the singles to connect during the event.

Will it work? I haven't a clue, and I'm not near enough to New York to attend and see what happens in person. But I'd be interested to see who moves in the speed dating portion of the event - do the men approach the women, or the women approach the men? I'll bet that the men are approaching the women, as the women are blindfolded. This is a good thing, as evidenced by other recent research, which found men to have a stronger attraction to the women they met in speed dating events when they moved, as opposed to the other way around.

Via a flurry of Twitter posts today, I learned through Mashable that a man who'd been surfing Facebook recently had an ad pop up that showed a photo of his wife, along with a caption that urged him to contact local hot singles today. Luckily both members of the married couple have a good sense of humor, as the wife blogged about it. (Note: page worked earlier today but hasn't for the past two hours).

How could something like this happen? Easy. Facebook sells ad space to various companies, allowing them (if your profile settings show its ok) to access your data as well as your friends list to provide supposedly contextual and highly-targeted marketing messages. I've had several friends tell me they'd seen my photo in similar ads, but I thought it had something to do with this blog or my Facebook fan page and thought nothing of it. After reading the Mashable piece however, I went and changed my settings.

If you don't mind your face showing up on your friends' Facebook pages along with a similar caption, you don't have to do a thing. But if you - like me - would rather your face not used for advertising purposes, then log into your Facebook account and do as Download Squad suggests:

"All you have to do to prevent this is sign in to Facebook and click through to (get ready) -> Settings -> Privacy -> News Feed and Wall -> Facebook Ads -> Appearance in Facebook Ads and click 'no one.'"

I'll admit this isn't a Facebook issue, but rather what paid advertisers are using the data for. And this isn't a new tactic either; years ago when I was an active member of Lavalife, I had numerous friends tell me they'd seen my photos plastered on the dating site and in online advertisements in a similar vein. Thing is, I knew this was a (remote) possibility, as Lavalife requires its users to choose whether or not they'd like their photos used in advertising materials.

Do you care if your likeness is used on Facebook to sell online dating ads? How about at an online dating site that you already belong to? Why or why not?

Related:

• Facebooking the Ex
• Social Networking Apps for Singles

Lady Christian asks: About a month ago my fiance got addicted to a computer game World of Warcraft (WoW), and now I get no time with him. He used to be all about being a family, but now he will spend hours on that game. One night it was for 11 hours and last night it was 8 hours. He is on night shifts so I understand him having to staying up all night on his days off. Still, I'm so lonely!

I've told him how I feel repeatedly, but he thinks I'm being stupid and is mad that I'm hurt. I don't know what to do! I love him so much. But I'm also tired of being lonely and doing everything all the time while he is sitting at the computer. What should I do? I'm so confused right now. His sister and her husband play too, so he keeps telling me I need to play so I won't be so "pissy". Well, I don't want to play. I want to spend time with him, but he just doesn't get that. Help!

I've got a lengthy answer to Lady Christian's question about game addiction, and what she can do to reconnect with her partner, so I've written a corresponding article about it: Game Addiction Advice.

If you have been or are addicted to gaming in any form, or if you've been in Lady Christian's situation, please post and let us know what worked, and what didn't in your situation, along with any other advice on the topic that you'd like to share.

Resources:

• Gamer Widow: Dedicated to supporting the partners of folks who have a game addiction.
• Strangers in Paradise: Information about a documentary by Canadian-based journalism TV show The Fifth estate that focuses on a couple who is consumed by game addiction issues.
• Online Gamers Anonymous

If you find a chemistry.com coupon, unfortunately its probably bogus because they rarely exist. What Chemistry.com does do however is offer free communication weekends once every three or four months - such as this weekend coming up. Billed as the matchmaking site that doesn't turn away users because of their sexual orientation, Chemistry.com is currently only available for US-based singles. I've used a rando URL I found through a search, as I'm unable to use the kind of link required to make this Chemistry.com coupon work with an About.com blog. Enjoy! (And feel free to comment if the Chemistry.com coupon works - or doesn't - for you).

Coupon Code: unfortunately must use link, codes are not valid for this program - Free Chemistry.com Weekend
Good For: Friday July 16th, July 17th and Sunday July 18th, 2009 only.

See also:

• Review of Chemistry.com Review
• Readers Share Their Thoughts About Chemistry.com