Dating

A few recent emails have asked me what kind of Valentine gifts readers could buy for their partner at the last minute - either because they'd completely forgotten about the event, really had no clue what to do and waited until the last minute, or had just started a relationship and weren't sure if they should get their new partner something special.

For those in the forgetful camp, I've created a small but fun list of last minute valentine gifts, most of which are inexpensive. I've also tried to include a few on the list that were appropriate for newer couplings as well as more seasoned partnerships. I'd also recommend taking a peek at my first date gift ideas for those new to each other - everything on the list is inexpensive, fun, and lighthearted enough to share early on, while still providing ample opportunity for romance and/or get-to-know-you conversations.

Do you have any suggestions for last minute valentine gifts, or has your partner ever surprised you with something truly magical that probably didn't take a lot of time to set up?

More last minute valentine gift ideas:

• Flower Gifts - why last minute? Because they deliver!
• Valentines Day Chocolatesmost of these only have another day to ship, so you may want to order right now if you'd like it in time.
• Plant A Tree Gift - Self explanatory probably; you purchase a tree on behalf of your partner virtually, and the tree is named after them in their honor. Or, you could go to a nursery and purchase a small tree and plant it together as a symbol of your love growing for one another.
• Romantic Valentine Ideas - Everything on this list is something you can create with a day's notice or less.
• Romantic Dinner for Two - I like pairing this one with the dinner and a movie date idea personally, but you could just go all out making dinner instead.
• Romantic Text Messages - Honestly, there's no reason why you can't use your cell phone to create romance with your partner. Maybe a lovey scavenger hunt, or a series of short, cute love quotes throughout the day?
• You Light Up My Life Romantic Idea - Quick, simple, and only as far away as the dollar or toy store.

How important is Valentine's Day to you? The answer to that might determine if you're morose about being alone or happy about celebrating Valentine's Day single.

But what if instead, those who are still single/single again amongst us, decided to claim Valentine's Day as our own? As a day to celebrate love in all of its forms, including most importantly the ability to love oneself - no matter how we feel about February 14th?

So say instead of looking at the cheap Valentine's Day ideas that I've written from the perspective as a person part of a couple, you look at the suggestions instead as a single person pampering themselves like no one else can. Maybe all you want to do is curl up with a good book and a mug of cold beer - why not take advantage, avoid the Valentine's Day crowd, and plan for it? Or maybe being social is more your thing - so why not throw a Valentine's Day costume party for all of your single friends?

Are you single this Valentine's Day? What do you plan on doing, if anything? When single, do you celebrate St. Valentine's Day? To choose an answer, click on the appropriate link, or if you feel I've missed something please feel free to share your comments.

• Yes.
• It depends on my state of mind in any given year.
• I've never thought about it before; I might.
• No.

Finding a decent free dating site about a decade ago was an impossible task; they just didn't exist. Plenty of Fish changed that playing field forever, and now there are more free dating sites popping up every day that I can keep track of.

We're just at the last stretch of the 2012 Dating Readers' Choice Awards, and I'd love to know what free dating site(s) you love. Last year OkCupid took the prize, with Plenty of Fish and Mingle2 in a tie for second. There's no log in requirement anymore - just a quick form to fill out and a submit at the bottom, to nominate your favorite, free hangout to meet other singles online: 2012 Dating Readers' Choice Awards.

I'm curious. How many people really aren't prepared for Valentine's Day? And how many single people shun the holiday completely? Vote now in the poll below by clicking on the link you choose.

• Yes, I was ready months ago.
• Yes, I planned it all recently.
• I have most of my plans solidified.
• No, I haven't started.
• No, I am not celebrating Valentine's Day this year.
• No, I don't celebrate Valentine's Day at all.

A few weeks have passed without much fanfare in the 2012 Dating Readers' Choice awards. Nominations haven't been pouring in like they did last year (likely because of the sign-in requirement to nominate) although you can now share your nominations via Twitter and Facebook. This time last year I had thousands of write-in nominations - and would love a similar number this year for the final voting period. Last year's nominees for Best Overall Dating Site included eHarmony, Match.com, Mingle2, OkCupid, and Zoosk. This year, I'd love to see other well-known sites on that list, such as Plenty of Fish, JDate or Chemistry.com, or up-and-comers that have a lot to offer but don't have a huge following, yet, such as HowAboutWe, easyflirt, or Engage.

Want to nominate a dating site that, you feel, offers the best overall experience for singles today? Feel free to comment on this post, or fill in this form: 2012 Dating Readers' Choice Awards.

With only ten days to go, I'm getting a lot of questions about St. Valentine's Day. Where should we go? What should we do? What do I do with a gift that I bought in anticipation for February 14th now that we broke up? How do I honor a day of love when I'm not feeling very loving or lovable? And the most asked question of late: How do I meet someone before St. Valentine's Day?

Because of (and to answer) these questions, I'll be blogging lots on the topic in the next few days. For now however, I've posted a What To Do For St. Valentine's Day index. Have I missed anything? Let me know in the comments.

Stuart is a 60-something single gay man who hasn't dated in over 30 years, mostly because he's been taking care of an ailing parent in a challenging situation. He's eager to meet someone, and specifically wants to find a kindred soul that understands his unique situation - but he has no idea where to start, much less how to navigate the senior dating waters - which admittedly are very different from those we tread in during our 20s, 30s, and beyond.

Stuart would like suggestions on how to find someone as well as how to make time for a new relationship, and is eager to hear from other singles in similar life circumstances, especially those who identify as being gay or bisexual. I've got my own ideas for Stuart which I've posted (When Taking Care of an Ailing Parent, How Do You Date?), but I'd love to hear what you think.

_{Related: How To Meet a Guy (for Gay Men), Healthy Senior Sex}

A few years ago, About.com's Guide to Instant Messaging started his own Readers' Choice Awards, where the most devoted IM fans nominated, and then voted, on a plethora of their favorite things, all related to Instant Messaging. Three years later, more than 100 About.com Guides are taking part - along with me, your Guide to Dating.

This is the second year that I'm running these awards, and I think I've got a great list of categories that covers many of the major online dating sites. There are quite a few to choose from - nominate someone in all categories, just one, or any combination that works for you - but I may have missed a few. Feel free to email me if you think I should add another next year. Also, please note that you'll have to log in to nominate, but you can nominate as many sites as you like, as many times as you like once you have.

Our categories for this year's Readers' Choice Awards for Dating, are:

• Best Overall Dating Site
• Best Free Dating Site
• Best New Dating Site Started During 2011
• Best Mobile Dating Site
• Best Dating Site for Seniors
• Best Matching Dating Site
• Best Niche Dating Site (that doesn't fit into the other categories)
• Best Dating App
• Most Innovative Dating Site
• Best Dating Blog
• Best Dating Book Published in 2011

There are also a few other categories and sites with dating-related nomination categories:

• Lesbian Life Readers' Choice Awards
• Gay Life Readers' Choice Awards
• Favorite Website for Meeting New Friends
• Favorite TV Bromance
• Best Chat Rooms
• Best Social Site for Teens

There are however lots of other categories that aren't dating-related, so be sure to vote for your favorites. Nominations for the 2012 Readers' Choice Awards close February 15th, 2012, so stay tuned via RSS or the newsletter to hear which dating sites, books, blogs, and apps made the finals and eventually won.

I'm not a huge Valentine's Day person, I'll admit. But the year that the guy I was dating at the time made me both a gift (a photo book) and dinner (a luxurious all-out affair) is one that I'll never, ever forget. So if you're the crafty type who wants to make something special for your sweetie - or hey, even for yourself if you're single - then some of my fellow Guides here at About.com have the digs:

Valentine's Day Knitting Projects
My favorite? The 'hugs and kisses' XOXO scarf, which I've knit a few times myself.

Beaded Safety Pin Patterns
Maybe for the younger set, but still fun nonetheless.

DIY Sexy Valentine's Day Gifts
A whole host of fun, exciting and very sexy ideas to make for your partner.

Valentine's Day Quilts
Ok, you might not have time to make a whole quilt before February 14th, but maybe you do if you start now? Quilters, you'll have to chime in on this one.

Valentine's Day Soap Projects
Ooh, yummy. Ok I think I might have to try a few of these myself. Not for my partner. No, no. For myself! Hm, or maybe I'll try making these cocoa butter massage bars instead.

Fabric Heart Treat Bag
From our Guide to Sewing, a cute little bag to make that could hold something small but significant.

Valentine's Day Pottery Projects
A vase to hold those valentine's day flowers perhaps?

Valentine's Day Painting Projects
Wow, there's a huge list of ideas and projects to choose from here, most of which are perfect for beginners.

Valentine's Day Jewelry Making Projects
A three page list of jewelry projects, mostly for women, that are skewed from beginners to advanced levels.

Draw a Manga Valentine's Day Card
Unusual but perfect for the manga-lover in your life.

Crocheted Valentine's Day Arrangement
With a few flowers from your garden, this would make a lovely gift.

Free Bead Patterns for Valentine's Day
A handful of cute, small projects from the Guide to Beadwork.

Love Coupons
Inexpensive and easy enough for anyone to do, you can use the list of ideas presented here or make your own. Make Your Own Valentine's Day Cards
So much more personal when you do it yourself, with the help of some ink and stamps.

Create a Romantic Presentation
Alright, so its not quite crafty, but it is DIY. Use Powerpoint to make your partner a Valentine's Day themed presentation with the tips and tricks suggested here.

Several websites have recently cropped up that cater to couples looking to meet other couples for friendship, according to The Times Argus and The Telegraph.

The concept is simple: couples wanting to meet other couples for social encounters (not adult dating or swinging, however - there are many sites that cater to that niche market already) can sign up, log in, and create a profile for the kind of couple they are looking for. Think of it as Friendster for couples, or as both of the websites mentioned above call it: couples dating.

I may have been single for a while, but I would never have thought of using a website when in a relationship to meet other couples for friendship, and was surprised to see how many already exist - although all of them are still building their user bases. Kupple already has more than 2500 couples listed, Couplets is offering free memberships to anyone who joins before the site hits 2500 members, Couplicity.com is offering a free six month membership to build its user base, and CouplesWorldWide.com offers free memberships to anyone who hosts a couples dating event in their community.

Do you think couples dating is the newest trend in social networking sites? And for those of you in a dating relationship, would you sign up at one of these couples dating sites to meet new people?

If you or your sweetie have been dropping hints this year to go somewhere special this Valentine's Day, now is the time to plan and book your romantic getaway - or a staycation if the idea suits your pocketbook or work requirements more. Some ideas:

• Valentines Day Getaway Packages in the Western US
• Southwest US Valentine Getaways
• Island Valentine Vacations
• Valentines Day Cruises

• Buy some massage oils or bars (Buy Direct) and make a night of working through a whole book devoted to the subject together, such as Sensual Massage Made Simple (Buy Direct).
• Gather together the fixings for each of your favorite sundae toppings, and then have fun making the ultimate masterpiece for each other instead of doing it yourself.
• Play a couples game together, letting the winner choose his or her prize beforehand. Perhaps breakfast in bed, or a fantasy lived out? Its your choice.
• Ladies, there are a great many Valentine's Day costumes to dress up in, or both of you could dress up and play out some of your more original or unique daydreams with your partner. (For costume ideas, try the Halloween Costumes for Couples or Singles articles - some of the singles options are particular sexy and appropriate).

Are you going away this Valentine's Day, or stay at home and spend some quality time with the person you're dating?

... or so says a study shared in the Journal of Marriage and Family, as reported by Science News. Almost all of the participants in the study (96%!) were found to have "strong distrust" of the opposite sex, yet when asked about their current relationship, they stated it was of a "trusting" nature. As well, the distrust of said men didn't stop these low income women from entering into romantic, long term relationships.

I have to say that reading this study made me pause, as did the friends I shared it with. The actual information didn't surprise any of us. Rather, the percentage of women is what was frightening. Do virtually all lower income women find men untrustworthy? And if so, why are they entering into relationships with essentially the same gender they have obvious unresolved issues with?

The study went on to say that because of this mismatched trust (feeling distrustful of men in general but stating that their current relationship was trustworthy) put the women who were a part of the study at further risk for unhealthy relationships, basically doing whatever they had to to give their partner the benefit of the doubt.

What do you think about the findings of this study? What would you suggest to low income moms, or the men who date them, in response to this study?

Related: When Not To Date

Rani asks: My best friend got me and her childhood friend to start talking, but he lives 6 hours away from me and I've never met him. He told her initially he's not looking for a girlfriend, which was cool because I figured we could be friends. We talked for hours on the phone. For 4 months we were close. Then he started saying things like, I can't wait to see you, you're so interesting, you're my best friend. That got me really excited, and I thought maybe he meant as more than just friends.

I'd planned to meet him at a wedding near his place as a friend of mine had invited me. I told him about it, but then on the advice of my friends started playing games and told him I wanted to meet him, and then told him I didn't... I was all over the map. And then I read He's Just Not That Into You, which got me really depressed. This girl in the book said, "I got empowered and I said I don't need to talk to you anymore," so that night I texted him confessing that I was into him and that it sucks when the guy your into doesn't like you back. For 2-3 weeks after that he didn't call.

I contacted him to see what was up because I got impatient, and he told me he was sorry for everything but just wanted to be friends. So we talked for two hours, and he said he might be coming with my brother to visit soon but, "Don't go all nuts on me if I don't". I told him I'm cool - and I want to SHOW him that I'm cool. I regret playing games with this guy and really want to see him more than anything in the world. Do you think I can get him back, or is he always going to think of me as the crazy girl? Read More...

A handful of reader questions of late have focused on sex: when to have it, what frequency is normal, and what to do if one partner isn't into it. Coupled with some recent research study findings that women are seeking more casual dating relationships, and

Take the poll and let me know, but I'm also curious to hear your reasoning. Why do you wait or take the plunge early on? Does it depend on the relationship or the person you're dating? Has it evolved as you've gotten older, and is that evolution because of mere chronology, societal/peer pressure, or something else entirely?

Related:

• Can Casual Sex Become a Relationship?
• Thirty Percent of Online First Dates for Women End With Sex, Says Study

For year two of the Dating Readers' Choice Awards, I'd like to add a significant number of categories for you, the readers, to nominate and vote upon as being your favorites. These are the categories we started with last year, and with links to the respective nominees and winners:

• Best Overall Dating Site
• Best New Dating Site
• Best Niche Dating Site
• Best Free Dating Site
• Best Dating Blog
• Best Dating Book Published in 2011
• Best Dating App

During the nomination period, I had several dating site owners, readers and experts suggest other categories that I'd missed, and so I took note to add them to this year's list. Therefore, the new categories for the Dating Readers' Choice Awards, are:

• Best Mobile/SMS Dating Site
• Best Adult/Casual Dating Site
• Best Seniors Dating Site
• Best Compatibility/Matching Dating Site
• Best LGBT Dating Site
• Best UK Dating Site
• Best Canadian Dating Site
• Best Australian Dating Site
• Most Innovative Dating Site

Nominations open January 18th, 2012 for this year's awards, so I'll post the forms and final categories soon. Until then, what do you think, dear readers? Have I forgotten an important category in the dating world that needs adding? Are there too many categories?

Do you have any dating-related New Years resolutions this year? I've solicited singles, couples and experts for their views and ideas, creating two New Years resolution lists that I think will be helpful to a lot of readers:

• New Years Resolutions for Singles
• New Years Resolutions for Couples

A couple of the suggestions - such as 39-year-old Megan Reese's of creating a 'Man Plan' for her dating life - are extensive yet focused, while others are simple shifts in one's worldview to improve either the relationships we are attracting, or those we already have. And then there is a whole other level of New Years resolution, and I've found one that is so above and beyond the norm (but fascinating!) that it deserved more than just a quick quip in an article.

The first comes from best selling authors and challenge creators Pastor Kerry Shook and his wife Chris. Their book, One Month to Live, suggest that those wanting a dramatic shift in their lives just need to think about what they'd do if they only had thirty days left. From one of their press releases:

"Arguably, resolutions fail because there's no sense of urgency. With a whole year ahead to reach the goal, it's easy to relegate it to the back burner or forget about it altogether. Indeed, in one study nearly 40 percent of respondents cite having too many other things to do as the reason for breaking their resolutions. But what if instead of just making resolutions you acted as if you had only 30 days to live and to really make a difference in your life?"

What about you? Have you ever gone to extreme lengths to find a date? Would you? Have you resolved to improve about your dating life or relationship for 2012?

_{Related: Tips for Keeping New Years' Resolutions}

"Energy flows where attention goes."

A Huna saying that has found a new set of followers through the book, "The Secret", this is what was emblazoned on a bookmark I received for Christmas a few years back from a dear friend. And although I've heard the phrase before, for some reason this time I can't get it out of my head.

Like many singles, I too get stuck sometimes thinking about the "nts" in my dating life. Some of the ones I've heard recently from readers:

• I don't feel attractive/skinny/smart enough;
• Why couldn't s/he have given me a chance/been faithful/trusted me;
• I'll never find a date/love/satisfaction in a relationship...

You get my jist. We all have our 'nts', and some are a bit more challenging than others. But what if we were to ignore those 'nts', just for a couple of days, and focus instead on what we want to bring into our lives, essentially attracting the kind of energy/relationship we're looking for?

About.com's Guide to Holistic Healing has written a lovely article about Attracting Positives, using a technique that focuses on surrounding yourself with positive images, whether they be physical, mental or spiritual manifestations. I think I'll create my own little Book of Positives, kind of like the one in Queen Latifah's movie, Last Holiday as my gift to myself these next few days. My pre- New Years' resolution, if you will.

What about you? How do you stay positive when dating, or looking for love? What techniques have worked for you?

More on this topic: Relationship Expectations

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A few times in my life, I've had nothing to do for Christmas, or during the holiday season in general. Both of my parents passed away when I was young, and I've always felt self-conscious inviting myself over to a friends' place for Christmas dinner. Throughout the years I've done various things to keep me busy, distracting myself from the thought of being alone:

• Creating a tradition to share with a friend, which at the time was going to see an animated or kids movie in the theater on Christmas Day;
• Volunteering at a soup kitchen or Meals on Wheels;
• Watching sappy, romantic holiday movies; and/or
• Inviting everyone I knew over for Christmas dinner.

Some years however, like this one, I've found myself grieving a loss and not feeling much like celebrating. Friends and family have kept me cheerful, and the Secret Santa exchanges I participated in this year warmed my heart. One gesture in particular from a group of my colleagues here at About.com made me feel more grateful, humble and thankful than I have in years, and I can't thank them enough. It reminded me that people do care and want to help those struggling in any way they can.

So for those of you feeling alone this time of year and with whatever celebration you normally recognize, this post is for you. I've written an article about Being Alone During the Holidays in response to this feeling I've had since mid November-ish, and I hope it provides assistance and comfort to those who need it. For everyone else, I'd love it if you shared how you cope with being single, alone, or otherwise sad during the Christmas season, or how you're currently struggling with it and how you plan on working through it.

Last night, I went to see Prince. The ticket price was well over what I've ever paid for a concert in the past, and I was somewhat leery that I'd get my money's worth. Once I arrived at the arena however, I had nothing to worry about. When I got to my seat I was both flabbergasted and overwhelmed: I was maybe a foot or two from the stage, at eye level of The Artist himself, and smack in front of the piano - right where a lot of the action took place. I was so close, I could hear him singing without the microphone at times, could see the sweat on his brow, and all of his facial expressions, little moments and other tidbits that folks sitting further away missed completely. I laughed, I cried, I sang and danced, and felt inspired, passionate, and alive. It was worth every penny.

So what does this have to do with this dating blog? For me, lots. I want to help create that sort of feeling, excitement, and passion in all of you, just like Prince did for me last night. And although I'll never be a rock star, I'd like to think that what I write here helps people, makes their lives better, and helps us all to find, keep, maintain and nourish the kinds of relationships we all long for.

So I ask you, dear readers: What can I, or any dating blogger or expert for that matter, do create that kind of positive energy in your life, in your relationships, and in your heart?

There's a lot of holiday-themed posts on my Facebook page of late, but none that grabbed my attention as much as one about Christmas music. Without breaking any confidences, the person posting stated they love this time of year and the happy feelings it engenders in many of us,but that if they had to listen to one more Christmas tune from their partner's playlist, they'd go berserk.

What followed was a fun debate about what kinds of Christmas music was appropriate to share, and which tunes make us all cringe and wonder why we're in a relationship with the person enjoying said music in the first place. Some folks bemoaned the Celine Deon, Jessica Simpson and Justin Bieber Christmas CDs, while others suggested trying the holiday editions of Annie Lennox, Rat Pack and Putumayo. While I don't normally listen to Christmas music at all, I'm quite fond of Vince Guaraldi's A Charlie Brown Christmas, or Boney M's Christmas Album. For me, a tad odd, since these are both CDs that came out well before my time, and don't fall within my normal music-listening spectrum.

What about you? Do you enjoy listening to the same holiday tunes as your partner, or do you cringe each time they load their playlist, CD player or start signing along to the radio?

_{Related: Top 10 New Pop Christmas Albums for 2011, Essential Classic Rock Christmas Albums, Top 15 Country Christmas Albums, R&B Christmas Albums, Top 15 Alternative Christmas Albums, Top 10 Classical Music Christmas Albums, Top 5 Rap and Hip Hop Albums for Christmas, The Best Blues Christmas Music, Top 10 World Music Christmas Albums, Canadian Christmas CDs, Holiday Albums by Female Artists.}

I currently live on an island - one that doesn't often get snow, much less temperatures in the freezing range. And yet, one early, sleeping night, I woke up to huge fluffy white flakes everywhere.

I'm sure I'm not the only single snowed who feels snowed in (even if the snow didn't stick), wishing he or she were out and about meeting new people, socializing, working, or planning Christmas party shenanigans. And I'm also quite positive there are more than a few dating couples who are also frustrated, either unable to get to their partner's place or feeling cooped up with nothing to do together.

Although I love the snow (as I'm sure the local ski hill does as well), I sometimes find it challenging to get out and socialize when it's as cold as it is here today. Once I actually get to my cozy destination however, I'm usually quite content with wherever I've ended up -- until I need to go back outside again. So I coax myself home with the knowledge that a good book and a comforting soup are waiting for me at home to curl up with.

I've heard several stories of late from readers and friends who've admitted they met the person they are dating during inclement weather, or who were out enjoying activities only partaken during the winter months, such as skiing or ice fishing. I even heard from one couple who met during a snow camping expedition for an Outward Bound -type organization.

What about you? Do you find it harder to meet people when the weather is challenging? Do you use nasty outside temperatures as an excuse to spend more time with the person you are dating?

Related:

• Brush up on your Conversation Starters
• Meet Someone During the Holidays
• Get out of town on a Singles Cruise
• Try some Sexy Games for Couples

It's during the holidays that, when single, I become a huge sap. Even if I'm happy not being in a relationship, I still find I long for a partnership during the holidays.

Readers of this blog already know I'm a romantic at heart, even if recent studies are showing more and more people are favoring a lifestyle of hooking up, casual sex and friends with benefits instead of actual dating (see The Definition of Dating and The Death of Dating? for more on this topic).

Having said all of that, this doesn't mean that I'll jump into a relationship because I'm feeling a bit lonely by myself under the mistletoe. Being swept off one's feet by a romantic stranger just seems better in the movies sometimes -- which is why, whenever I find myself in this frame of mind, I watch movies like While You Were Sleeping and When Harry Met Sally. Again.

I don't normally go out of my way to watch romantic comedies, or even sappy romances for that matter. Yet during the holidays, I can't seem to get enough of the romantic holiday movie fare. Especially when I'm single.

Am I the only one, or do other singles feel this twinge of something or other this time of year? What do you do about it, if anything at all?

Just over five thousand users of dating website FreeDating.co.uk were polled a few years back,

What was a "bad" gift, in the pollsters' minds? Some examples included, "cooking utensils, cleaning products, and a sticky tape dispenser".

Interestingly, highly educated women and women working in the legal profession had even higher requirements, with two thirds of respondents in those categories stating they'd dump their partner for poor present choices.

What about you? Would you end a relationship over a bad holiday gift? Have you ever received a gift that you deemed in poor taste and ended a relationship because of it? What did you get?

_{Related: Romantic Stocking Stuffers, Inexpensive Holiday Gift Ideas, Holiday Gift Ideas for Dating Couples.}

Psychology Today had an interesting article in their November 2008 edition that spoke of how men with either a bit of stubble or a short beard were more attractive than a clean-shaven or fully bearded man, and that guys with longer facial hair were deemed more manly, powerful, aggressive and seasoned than their baby-faced counterparts.

There was a caveat to the study however: the sixty women interviewed found the men with light stubble the most suitable for both short and long term relationships, which the article explained away as saying stubble means you're mature enough to have facial hair, but a full beard is too much of a good thing. Still, several of the study participants felt the need to share with the researchers at Northumbria University that, even though they found a clean-shaven man less attractive, they preferred their partners to have a smooth face when they were intimate together.

What do you think? Do men with a bit of stubble appeal to you more, or would you rather they sport a clean-shaven look?

For More Information:

• In Romantic Gifts for Men, what to use after the initial stubble has done its job;
• Psychology Today Subscription (Buy Now)
• More Dating Research

_{Reference: Hutson, M. (2008, November). In the Rough. Psychology Today, 41(6), 24-24.}

Its rare that a week goes by where I don't get asked by a reader through the dating forums or dating advice request form whether or not I think their love will last. Thing is, its a very difficult question to answer - especially since I'm only getting as much information as the reader cares to share. Plus, even a healthy relationship can be thrown depending on a variety of factors no one really wants to plan for: the passing of a loved one, losing a job, a sudden health crisis, etc.

Still, there are some common factors that can help guide us towards seeing whether or not a love relationship will stand the test of time. Things like trust and levels of commitment, how friends and family view the relationship and how long you've been together for instance. So I've compiled these known traits into a quiz to help those of you asking along the path: Will Our Love Last? Quiz

But what about you? What do you think are the markers for a long lasting, healthy relationship?

A recent blog post by HowAboutWe, a dating site matching people based on their date ideas (i.e. How about we... go snow golfing?), got me laughing. In it, writer Chiara Atik discusses what her single friends and family members are thankful for this year. My favorite included a bit of salty language, but still one I think many single folks can admit to feeling at some point: "I'm thankful I'm no longer dating an ****." Replace the stars with any number of negative words and you'll get the jist.

The article reminded me of a time when, years ago, I gave a workshop about dating, and in turn, getting over your ex. At one point I asked everyone to come up with something they were grateful for, in relation to their dating life. Most of the folks had something amazing to say, such as they loved the time and money they had now to spend on themselves, or even small things like they didn't have to leave the seat down or up. One man waited until the very end, and said quietly, "She left me for my best friend." No one said anything for maybe 30 seconds, until a woman next to him gently touched his shoulder and said in the same tone of voice, "Well, then you should be grateful she's HIS problem now!"

We all got a laugh out of that, and it helped diffuse the tension. Every year when I think of Thanksgiving, I think of that story, my Thanksgiving date disaster story, and now this HowAboutWe blog post.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving in relation to your dating life, whether coupled up, single, or somewhere in between?

A few days ago while researching an article I'm working on about the history of advice columnists, I came across a piece about the man who took over for Ann Landers, Jeffrey Zaslow. The journalist commented on Zaslow's reach, including his ability to ensure that no letter to Santa went unanswered by asking his readers to pitch in.

That got me thinking about being single during the holidays, and how to feel connected to the world if you don't have family nearby (or even if you do and aren't close). I know that, for the years I was single and childless, I really had to get creative to feel like I was a part of something bigger than myself. For many years, I volunteered at soup kitchen -type events on Christmas Day, and as a teen I helped deliver care packages to local low income families for organizations like the Salvation Army and Meals on Wheels.

All of those activities made me feel good, and I was more than happy to share what I could. Call it selfish or whatever you'd like however, but more than once all I really wanted was a gift under the tree that I didn't buy for myself. Other years, I wanted nothing more than to have a reason to go buy or make a gift for someone else, taking my time to share something memorable.

Many of you can probably see where my brain lept to next: a secret Santa exchange. It seems like a natural conclusion, yet the logistics and legal issues stopped me from moving forward. Yes, I could use something like Elfster to create my own Secret Santa gift exchange for all of you, my dear readers, and I seriously considered it. But then I did a search for other, similar, random gift exchanges, and found that Reddit has their own gift exchange, and they're trying to break the Guinness Book of World Records this year for the largest Secret Santa exchange ever.

So without further ado, I invite you all to join me in this year's Secret Santa exchange at Reddit. I've used my referral code here not to get anything from it, other than to give you all a (cursory) connection to me and my account, without any access to my personal information. Unless of course you sign up by the deadline (November 25th) and get me as a match, or I get one of you in turn.

What I do suggest, for those wanting to partake, is to read the fine print carefully before signing up. No one but your matched gift giver will have your contact information, but they will have your address and both first and last name. As well, if you don't send a gift (and keep proof of such), your full name will be posted on the Reddit site for all to see.

Having said all that, there were some pretty amazing gifts shared through this process last year. If nothing else, check those out and let me know what you think. Good idea, or not?

Roy S. Gutterman wrote a great (although somewhat unrelated) article a few years ago at the Jewish Exponent, discussing what he felt to be a "bogus" online dating profile. It seems a newspaper wedding announcement struck him as odd for a couple of days,

"...until I went on to JDate, and saw the same photo for the 30-something woman whose impending nuptials were just announced in the paper. It seemed peculiar that she was maintaining an active profile on the online dating site. In fact, she had just logged on within the past few days."

Which led me to question: when do people remove (or hide) their online dating profiles after starting a relationship with someone new?

Do you have an expectation as to when someone you are dating removes their online dating profiles? Does it even matter to you?

_{Related: 20 Questions To Ask Your Date About Communication, When Not to Date, Couples Communication Skills Quiz}

When Thanksgiving rolls around, it means the start of Meet the Parents Season - or at least it does for me and many of you, if my email inbox is any indicator, as well as my own personal experiences. A few years back I shared my Thanksgiving date disaster story (and encourage you to share your own date disaster stories). But my question here doesn't revolve around bad dating experiences, but rather, when you met the parents.

What time of year did you meet the parents of your current and/or past loves? Did the holidays push you into meeting the parents earlier than you normally would have? I'd love to hear your experiences by filling out the poll questionnaire, or if your situation doesn't fit the choices, by adding a comment.

Related: Thanksgiving Date Ideas for Couples, Thanksgiving Dinner With Your Partner.

While researching and talking to other dating aficionados about the newly introduced dating boot camp, I spoke with the gent who runs 100RedFlags, a dating blog that discusses "...the small things that women do that drive men away." [Note: The 100RedFlags site is not work-friendly, and uses language that may offend some readers.]

I plan on covering dating red flags in the boot camp eCourse, so of course I wanted to take a closer look. Many of the red flags already listed I agreed with, such as She Wears a Slutty Hallowe'en Costume. Seems fairly straightforward to me.

But once I looked a bit closer at the red flags listed, I started to get confused. "She Was Homeschooled," and "She's Run More Than One Marathon?" "She Carries Condoms In Her Purse," and "She's Never Smoked Pot?" Really?

I disagreed with the blog owner, and sent him a note specifically regarding the last "red flag" (not having smoked pot). Here's his response:

"...absolutely it's a red flag, and believe it or not one of the ones that we've posted/talked about to date is most commonly met with approval amongst guys. It could mean rigid views of the world, it could mean a conservative stance on societal issues. I won't belabor the issue, but maybe will just make it clear that these things are all representative of potential character and lifestyle flaws that would inhibit a healthy, successful relationship. It's quite possible one could say she's never smoked weed and yet can sit across the table on a first date and it'd never even be a thought - but without enough evidence the assumption could still be there and there may never be a date two if women aren't aware that some men may take issue with it."

In the hundreds of men I've worked with and coached with regards to their dating lives, and the thousands that have emailed me throughout the years sharing their opinions, not once have I heard any of these as issues. The ones I most commonly hear from gents focus on larger personality traits that some might find stereotypical (i.e. acting like a princess or being bossy), or frustration with what they feel is a 'bait and switch' (i.e. how you presented yourself isn't really who you are). Rachel Greenwald, who wrote the book, "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date" (Buy Direct) found similar themes.

But, you tell me: what are your dating red flags? Do you agree with the ones presented here, or do you have a differing opinion?

_{For those of you participating in the dating boot camp, looking for today's installment, here you go: Dating Boot Camp Day One.}

In the four-and-a-half years I've written for About.com, I've had countless readers ask me to create a free, accessible, uplifting and powerful boot camp -type process. Folks wanted a day-by-day and week-by-week series that they could read anytime, find support from other singles just like them, while learning how to take ownership of their dating lives in a positive way.

I've taken your advice, suggestions and ideas, and for the next 90-or-so days, will provide each and every one of you with a daily dose of inspiration and to-do's. Essentially you'll become your own dating coach, with some help from readers just like you, as well as experts, matchmakers, dating-advice-giver-outers like myself.

Tomorrow I'll begin the series, and you can read about it every day in this blog. I'll post links to read and questions to answer, and you can work through it all on your own time. Subscribe now to the RSS feed so you don't miss any updates, or switch your homepage to this blog as a daily reminder.

What will you get from this dating boot camp? Here's an abbreviated list, which I'll update as we progress through the series. The general intent however is to help single men and women disconnect as much as possible from a previous breakup, whether it was a day or ten years ago, and move into a better, more positive, attractive place so they can meet the person of their dreams.

• Work through any residual issues with past relationships, family, friends and/or loved ones so that you're ready and able to welcome new love into your life;
• Focus on the positive, without dwelling on the negative or getting 'stuck'. For those who struggle with the more serious blocks to love such as working through a divorce, and you'll get lots of guidance as to where to go next, along with suggestions for professional intervention if need be;
• Learn what you really want, need and must have in a relationship, as well as how to meet folks that fit your specific criteria;
• Create a support system both virtually and in real life that will help you to make decisions with regards to love and relationships;
• How to flirt, ask someone out, where to go and what to do on a first, second, third and beyond date;
• Concrete advice dealing with long distance relationships, jealousy, confidence, attraction, safety, gift giving, ex's, and more;
• Help and specific information for folks of all sexual identities, single parents, divorcees, seniors, teens, and more; and
• How to fight 'fairly' and deal with conflict in your romantic and personal relationships.

I've created a small badge that you can display proudly on all social media, blogs or your personal website, to share with other folks that you've committed to this process. I'll create something bigger ASAP, but in the meantime, feel free to use this badge, making sure to link back the blog post you're reading now:

As well, I'm open to suggestions for content to cover in this dating boot camp, so please feel free to comment honestly and openly here and share your thoughts, or email me directly and privately at dating.guide@about.com.

Ready to start? Here's Day One.

Dating Advice

• How To Get Over a Breakup
• Using Props To Attract Someone
• How Do I Ask Her Out?
• Are There No 'Real' Dating Sites Left?
• Why Would She Choose a Casual Relationship Over a Serious One?
• Should You Take a Dating Break?
• Long Term Relationship Valentine's Day Gifts Under $100

Dating Sites

• 2date4love
• Video-Chat-Blog
• Newly Divorced Dating
• Find My Soulmate at MyLoveWebsite
• Ebony Encounters
• Downtown Dates
• Adventure Dating UK
• Add a Dating Site

Dating Site Reviews and Apps

Halloween Dating

• Playboy Bunny and Hugh Couples Costume
• Magenta Halloween Costume for Singles
• Halloween Dating

Dating Books

• The Relationship Revolution
• Submit Your Own Dating Book

Dating Videos

• How Ta Make a Lucy and Ricky Couples Costume
• How To Choose an Online Dating Site

I've been told on more than a few occasions that Halloween is the best time of year to meet someone. Why? Because everyone in a costume has a built in conversation starter.

So then why not use this same idea and integrate it into our everyday lives? The concept is an integral one to the pickup artist culture (although they call it peacocking), where the person trying to attract someone wears or has on at least one conversation piece.

Which isn't to say I think you should go all out and become something you aren't. But at the same time, if you can inject some of the fun and frivolity of Halloween into your day to day life, and it allows you to meet someone truly special, why wouldn't you try it and see?

Have you ever used a prop to attract someone? Did it work? Why or why not?

I love Halloween and look forward to it every year. An excuse to dress up and act silly, with a built-in reason to talk to strangers, by asking them about their costume? In my mind, it doesn't get much more exciting than that.

Still, it can be a bit stressful to either come up with a unique and fun Halloween date idea or a costume that's appropriate for the two of you [See: Halloween Costume Ideas for Couples]. And what about those of us singles on the hunt for someone interesting? Attracting attention is the first step in the five phases of courtship.

So even though you've got just under two weeks to go, it's time to start thinking about what you'll be doing this Halloween either solo or with your sweetie. What's your plan?

Shawn asks: "I've started college and there's a girl on my dorm floor that I really like. We don't have any classes together, but we talk all the time in the common area. It's at the point where I go to study in there just to see her, and then we end up talking for hours. The last time I saw her, she went on and on about some guy she had a crush on, but then found out he wasn't old enough to drink so she wanted to move on. Am I in the friend zone, or is there some way I can ask her out?"

Bonny's answer: There's an easy way to find out if she's open to dating you, and that's by asking her point blank if she'd like to go on a date. The next time you see her, try something like, "I had a great time talking the other night. How about we do it again on Thursday, but this time over dinner?"

It's simple, easy, and lets her say no if she's not interested, doesn't want to date someone who lives so close to her, or is still really interested in that other guy and just wanted your opinion on the matter. If she says no, you can assume it has nothing to do with you, and it saves you both from feeling embarrassed when you inevitably run into one another again. If she says yes, you know she's interested - at least a little bit. But if you don't ask at all? You'll never know, and you'll slide deeper and deeper into friends-only territory, with no hopes of ever getting past conversation starters alone.

There's a Pick Up Artist (PUA) "rule" that you have to talk to a woman you're interested in within a few seconds of seeing her. The longer you wait, the more difficult the introduction gets and the less chance you have of getting the girl. Now, I'm not asking you to start studying to become a PUA, but I am suggesting you keep this one tactic in mind when talking to this girl again. The longer you wait, the harder the approach, and the less chance you'll have of dating her.

What do you think, dear readers? Would you give Shawn different advice, or do you agree with what I've said?

_{Related: College Dating, Pick Up Artist Blogs, Dinner and a Movie Date Ideas.}