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Bonny Albo

The Definition of Dating

By September 24, 2007

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A large number of the emails I receive from readers ask me to define what a "date" is. If the guy at work asked me to coffee, is it a date? We hang out almost every day, but haven't kissed yet - are we dating? Does having sex mean we're now a couple, or are we just dating?... and so forth.

A recent discussion in the forums (The Definition of Dating) also debated this same question recently. What on earth is a date? And does the definition of dating differ depending on the circumstances of the two people involved? (i.e. sexual orientation, age, culture)

In my opinion, a date refers to an activity two people share together with the intention of getting to know each other better on a potentially romantic level. This differs greatly from 'hooking up' which usually describes a casual get together between two people that may or may not be sexual in nature. Two people who are "dating" therefore, have shared several dates together and have made it clear to one another they are interested in more than just a friendship - even if so far the exchanges have been purely friendly in nature. Dating is, essentially, getting to know someone over an extended period of time to determine if a relationship is something worth pursuing.

Still, I am curious. I'd love to hear from the readers of this blog what their definition of dating is, and why.

Comments
September 25, 2007 at 9:07 am
(1) Brian says:

Yeah I supposed so that speed dating and hooking up are almost similar and normal dating is a normal getting know more of the opposite sex in a romantic level.

November 19, 2011 at 6:32 am
(2) personal loans 1000 says:

Not so bad. Interesting things here

September 26, 2007 at 7:20 pm
(3) Tiana says:

I think speed dating is ridiculous…I’d much rather naturally let a connection happen. I’ll just stay home and play with my adult toys instead of putting myself through that agony!

March 14, 2011 at 11:40 pm
(4) m.murali says:

dont use toys it is not good for helth

October 9, 2011 at 11:02 pm
(5) SANDRA says:

This is hysterical! But her honesty rocks!

September 27, 2007 at 12:06 pm
(6) traci says:

Is it a date? The answer to this question probably has a lot to do with the honesty of the person who is to reply. Are they being honest with themselves – and – are they being honest with you? I spent 7 months with someone (romantically involved) only to be told that we are more “friends” than a “couple. Needless to say I was puzzled and pissed, and now we are “nothing.” This would be where the honesty issue comes into play. Was he dishonest from the beginning? I don’t think so, but who knows.

I guess I really don’t have the answer to the “What is a date” question … now do I?

September 27, 2007 at 7:08 pm
(7) Ed says:

Dating should be what it is, a man and woman who get together with with the goal of a potential relationship. As for online dating, what do we call that first encounter? A ‘meeting’, well wasn’t it once called a “blind date”? Then if it doesn’t work out and an emotional bond develops we say, “we are just friends”. That was getting out of control and at age 46 I cannot understand how he/she will call, go out with me and even e-mail every night, but that is where it ends? There is a lot of self-deception, in the form of ‘fear of being hurt again’or what is called baggage. Why do so many claim that romance and ultimately marriage, doesn’t occur between friends of the opposite sex? My first marriage lasted a lot longer than it should have because we “married as friends”. Based on certain factors ours should have ended after 7 years, but went 20 years. In fact the first 10 years were great. I wonder what is happening to us and how it will effect the next generation?

September 29, 2007 at 3:17 am
(8) dies says:

agree with Ed

September 30, 2007 at 7:01 pm
(9) Bonny says:

Brian, I hear you there – although I’ll hazard a guess that you are probably in the under 35 range by your response. The casualness of dating today has definitely altered what the actual definition of a date is.. if they even exist anymore.

Traci – I feel your frustration! I think communication is key in any relationship, and if both parties aren’t being honest with each other about their needs, wants and expectations, it can be a challenge and people end up hurt like you seem to have been. That’s why I think a definition of some sorts – even if it is different for each relationship – is important.

Ed, I don’t think the term dating implies merely heterosexual relationships personally, but I get what you are saying. As for how these new interpretations will affect future generations, now THAT is a fascinating question, and I plan on looking at the current research and blogging about that exact topic in the near future.

October 8, 2007 at 12:41 pm
(10) Shell says:

I find when I say I had a boyfriend for a while, or even if I say “I date some”, the new guy automatically thinks we slept together. Not sure what to do about this because I always end feeling I have to further explain what that meant.

October 11, 2007 at 6:22 pm
(11) Ronald says:

I think that dating is just getting to know each other. But some people have a hard time dating because they dont know what to do, some people move to fast. I think that you shouldn’t go for a kiss untill after the 3rd of 4th date, but others go for a kiss on the 1st date, and some people would consider that going to fast. I like what Tina had to say in comment 2,that made me laugh.

October 11, 2007 at 6:26 pm
(12) Ronald says:

I asked my friend what she though dating was and she said going out, like being a boyfriend and girlfriend and when i told her what it was she had nothiing to say… I have not acctually been on a date, i think that is because at the age of 15 us boys and girls don’t do much dating. We ask questions as we come up with them. I think you should get to know someone, like they have been your friend for years, then go out with them that way you don’t feel akward around them and can speek your mind.

October 12, 2007 at 10:08 am
(13) linda says:

I have been on dating sites for many years but I haven’t met my special someone until one of my friends referred me to richmingle.com site. i did get a nice date there.

October 16, 2007 at 7:54 pm
(14) analyn says:

Is it dating a game?

November 19, 2011 at 1:54 am
(15) marinara says:

hmmm if you say “”dating”means.. If woman and man were hanging out together and do some interesting stuff..that is Dating” but i Disagree this kind of date when the two people are having sexual intercourse..! ofcourse what if he only want sex ..so girls are always looser hehe:)

November 28, 2007 at 9:35 pm
(16) Morgan says:

Yes, I just had a question about dating? What if a man tells you that he really likes you and doesnt want to see anyone else but at the same time says that he does not want a realashionship …. and we have a been seening eachother daily and intimantly for the past four months. What do you think that means?

December 11, 2007 at 12:32 am
(17) Nancy says:

Morgan, it means he’s using you for sex.

October 9, 2011 at 11:08 pm
(18) SANDRA says:

BINGO…NANCY HAS BINGO!!!!

December 16, 2007 at 1:56 pm
(19) Georgez says:

Dating has several definitions:

Most common and usually, an “appointment to meet” with someone of the opposite sex in a social setting to get to know them better, with hopes of finding compatibility and furthering the relationship toward intimacy.

May 10, 2008 at 7:50 am
(20) Briony says:

Well i have no idea what dating is.I met a guy around new years seeing him romatically he said to begin with dosnt want a g/f but to me it feels more serious i thought we had been dating for like 4 months but then he says yeah sure casual dating? ok… i didnt know that and dont really want that so i have no clue

July 17, 2008 at 4:33 pm
(21) LJ says:

Dating… 1st of all, Bonny I must say thanks for all the info you provide for all of us.
I used to think dating was a pretty generic term.
Based on current society, (ie. age groups, gender, culture, upbringing, etc..) it’s so different now. Learning to date after a long term marriage of 17yrs., divorced now 3.6 yrs. is difficult at times, but interesting and fun when I want to date.
Each new encounter with a woman is a learning experience, as Bonny has said ” to understand the wants, needs, and the expectancy of each other in order to see if there is any long term value toward a committed relationship.

And I think coming to understanding sooner than later is key.

November 21, 2008 at 1:53 pm
(22) Christian C Eneh says:

please can somebody be in love when dating

November 26, 2008 at 10:18 am
(23) Joel says:

My daughters ask me if I am dating. No is my immediate answer. Dating refers to an activity two people share together with the intention of getting to know each other better on a romantic level. Therefore if you are having one-offs, a dinner and done or even a dinner or two, its not dating to me. Today we live in the world of online everything. Is online shopping shopping? I miss the feel of the items in my hand. I read on a Kindle. But long for the joy of wandering the aisles of the bookstore, picking up a random title, reading a few pages and moving on to discover another. Online dating is so…online. You’re not seeing a person, in person. You are reading a review, as you read the review of a movie, with previews of coming attractions. In this cast previews of past actions would be more accurate. Photos of her on the back of a burro in Mexico, with her dogs romping in Central Park, laughing at a party with some random hand left dangling on her shoulder, a remnant of a relationship, sliced out of the photo. You don’t get the visceral impact of eyes across a room, the way it’s happened to me one or twice in my life. Breathless discovery.

Online dating is shopping. Shopping for people. You browse the online store, you set up requirements, so tall, so thin or heavy, likes to juggle, reads comics, and when you write, wink or respond, you set up a meeting. Not a date. Back in the old days we had blind dates. Probably politically incorrect to say now. Then it truly was blind. No photos, no long involved biography of who and what they think they are our wish they were. You relied on your friends to “match” you up. It was friend.com.
When I was under twenty-five, you were not dating until you were an “item”, boyfriend and girlfriend. Then you were dating. Going out to dinner or a movie was not dating, not even after several. Not until you committed to the step of we are “together”. Easily indicated by sharing an ID bracelet with your girlfriend, or giving her your school ring, always to big, for her to wear around her neck or to wrap with adhesive tape and yarn to fit her slim finger. Therefore when asked, are you dating, my answer is no. Because at this point I have not seen anyone more than a few times, have not felt any romantic, this-could-be-the-one feelings. Nice dinners, sometimes. Good conversations occasionally. To much information to soon, frequently. Frightening first date revelations, many. Fireworks, cherubs flying around shooting me full of arrows, heart palpations, none of the above. So I’m not dating. Not yet.

September 22, 2010 at 10:59 pm
(24) Deanna says:

Wow. Spot on. If you’re still single & in WI (doubtful) I’d love to have coffee with you. :)

September 30, 2010 at 2:33 pm
(25) Carme says:

I thoroughly enjoyed that! You put words to much of what I have felt trying to navigate this “forties with kids” era in my life. thanks!

January 29, 2011 at 10:47 am
(26) Searcher says:

fantastic.

November 29, 2008 at 9:41 pm
(27) Rodelinde says:

Good question, Bonny! And good, thoughtful answer, Joel! Words are wonderful, aren’t they? The website dictionary.com defines “date” as “a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person”; romance isn’t necessarily included. But most of the words we use in general speech have about as many meanings as there are people who use them. That’s why it’s so important to make sure the person you’re talking to knows what you mean when you use a particular word. I stay away from the word “dating” altogether, preferring the term “introduction,” because that’s what comes first. “Back in the old days,” as Joel says, we had friends introduce us. Now we have websites. One of the great advantages here is that people can learn quite a bit about one another, assuming that they like to write (or talk on the phone) and are willing and able to be open and honest. Then, when they do meet, it’s not really a blind date. Time and again, people who use my service tell me that they felt comfortable the very first time they met, because they had taken the time and trouble to get to know each other before their first meeting.

November 30, 2008 at 12:42 am
(28) dating friend says:

Nice definition about dating. Normally dating is a like a meeting of two persons. who share their feelings, emotions & body.

December 3, 2008 at 6:45 am
(29) Cynthia says:

I totally agree with your opinion on what the definition of dating is. When I tell my friends that I’m dating such and such guy,I really feel that they take it in the wrong way. Your definition explains exactly what I think dating is, thanks :-)

September 15, 2010 at 4:46 am
(30) darrel c. berdos says:

thank you alll for beautiful answers…….now can i have my as….:42:

December 9, 2008 at 4:45 pm
(31) Lisa says:

The term “dating” is so confusing! Here is my situation. Been hanging out with this amazing guy for a month now. We are together every weekend, talk on the phone/text during the week, spend the night together on Fridays & Saturdays (no sex tho), kiss, cuddle, go out to eat & see local bands play, stand close together in public, bought each other something for Christmas, share the same views on things, get along flawlessly. Its nice that there is no pressure for sex. Feels old fashioned and I love that. Are we dating or just hanging out? I dont make out and cuddle with anyone I consider “just a friend” so that would make me think we are dating. Dating doesnt mean bf/gf..its the 1st step to determining if you want to pursue a relationship to me. However, its not like we have talked about how we want this to turn into that. I dont want to ask him if we are “dating” because I dont want to scare him off..what do you all think? Would you consider what we are doing dating? I want it to be. I like him very very much and want to be his girl one day as juvenile as that may sound! LOL! Thanks for any advice!

December 19, 2008 at 10:32 am
(32) Orefuwa Dotun says:

In my own words – Dating is a tryout course where errors are underlined for future review and consideration by two aspirant lovers.

December 23, 2008 at 7:15 pm
(33) SadNConfused says:

Lisa….wow – - you and I could be twins as far as our ‘situations’ go! Met a great guy – we’ve been hanging out for a year in the same way you mentioned – - together just about every night, we go to parties together, he sleeps at my house more often than not but we’re NOT sleeping together…if we’re not dating what the hell is this?!?! I was the one in the most recent relationship but it ended close to 6 months before I met him – his last ‘serious’ relationship was two years ago so I don’t think either of us has commitment issues ( I know I do not ) – I’m with you though – do I ask what the heck is going on or just keep enjoying what we have? I am not sure that it’s fair to me (wanting more!) if he’s not going to actually give it to me….at the same time, how do I throw away essentially my best friend?

December 24, 2008 at 4:21 pm
(34) Lisa says:

A YEAR!?! I dont know if I can go that long without being able to say we are an item. LOL! Of course I probably would if thats how long it takes, but I want to be with this guy. However, its tricky because I am afraid of getting super invested and falling in love hardcore only to never have him take it to the next level. Thats the risk you take tho I guess. He was married for like 5 years..been divorced for a 1 1/2 years. They were together for awhile so thats his deal I think. He said he just isnt emotionally ready. My 3 1/2 year relationship ended in July and it was hard on me. However, Im over that and want better for myself and have found that in this guy. I think with some time & patience he will see he can trust me and not be afraid to try love again. There is definitely a connection between us. I feel it and he shows it. Just not having sex. I told him that until he feels he is ready to say we are “dating” that we dont need to have sex..no need to add something to the current situation that may confuse or freak him out. Im down for the ride, I just hope it doesnt take a really long time. I want to be the girl to prove to him love is real and will be forever if he will open up and give me that chance. Sadnconfused let me know if you’d like to email or talk more about this! Id love to!

June 18, 2011 at 2:05 am
(35) Shiva says:

All of these dating seems to be no wrong. its in our vision whether we are sharing good thoughts. the time we are in together enjoy and love that time. being positive. if lust enters then there is no need for continue that relationships….

November 2, 2011 at 10:28 pm
(36) Tina says:

I’ve been dating this guy for over a year! To find out after we’ve been sexually active that we aren’t exclusive! Meaning he can go out with whoever and so could I! I just assumed we were exclusive! Am I wrong for assuming this?

I assumed that once your sexually active that your now a couple! No i don’t want to get married or live together, but still i think there should’ve been some understanding! Now I’m extremely hurt! But he still wants to see me on a sexual basis!

December 24, 2008 at 7:39 pm
(37) Richard says:

Hmm. A guy’s take on the situation. I’ve been spending nearly every off moment i have with this wonderful girl since july. My roommate (who introduced us) has been there with her roommate. It’s like a group of friends. It started like joel’s blind dates, kind of old school. We sleep together and cuddle, but there’s no sex. I dont think it’s a good idea to add that to the mix right now. I’m confused, and when asked by others if we’re dating, the answer is that we’re complicated. we just went on vacation together and i’ve been spending all my time coming up with things to do with her but i’m not sure if she’s interested in me, or just the going out and doing things. I havent asked her to be in a serious relationship with me because she’s made it plain that she’s afraid of a relationship. Her last one left her with little trust in men, and she says she wants to take it slow.
-7 months, are we dating? are we in a relationship? Should I risk what we have and ask for more or should I just continue behaving as if i’m in a serious relationship with her and wait?

December 28, 2008 at 2:28 pm
(38) Rafael says:

Joel, I just have to say your comment was one of the most well articulated comments i have seen in years. just thought you should know.

Anyhow, to the rest of you, I have felt romantic with women before, but it is only to my undoing. Often I try and tell myself that I wont become too attached too quick but after the first few “dates” I feel a pretical addiction to the person. eventually this undoes everything as the woman usually is not that worked up yet, oh well.

January 8, 2009 at 3:14 pm
(39) Joseph says:

Should people who are going through Divorce date? If so, why?

January 19, 2009 at 11:31 am
(40) Lisa says:

Ok so I finally told the guy I have been hanging out with for the past two months that I really really like him and its becoming hard to keep doing what we are doing and to feel like I really dont stand a chance. He plays the role of the boyfriend on his own free will & gladly. Its so natural. The things he says and the way he acts are contradicting themselves. He doesnt try and pressure me for sex so I know he isnt using me. He told me he likes me too but is scared to death & doesnt know if he can ever be in a relationship ever again. So I dont understand if he really feels that way then why does he do the things he does with/for me? He said he doesnt want anything to change between us & doesnt want to lose me however, I think you cant have your cake and eat it too. I mean really! I told him there is no pressure per say, and that there are no time limits but if I dont stand a chance to prove to him not everyone is the same then Im going to have to start distancing myself from him a bit so I dont get hurt any further. Everyone says its blantantly obvious he wants the same things I do only difference is that he is scared and Im not. I dont know what to do. Im fine with playing it cool, but I dont want to be still doing the same things a year from now and be totally invested and in love and still cant be in a relationship with him. He either has to take a chance on me and what we could have or let one person continue to ruin his life/hold him back and walk away from someone who would do anything for him. What do I do in the meantime?

January 20, 2009 at 11:06 am
(41) Nemo says:

Just yesterday a friend asked if I was dating “Joe”. After barely a hesitation I said “NO. We’ve been hanging out a bit though”. And he says “whats the difference”. Well, that’s what lead me to this site- its been great to read through these comments. I think the term dating has certain implications that are attached to it. Joe and I are getting to know eachother on our own terms. I don’t think either one of knows what will come of the situation or maybe even what we want to. So- dating, no. Hanging out, yes. Se la vi!

February 1, 2009 at 4:25 pm
(42) Kaye says:

I have a situation at work — a male coworker and I have spent a lot of time together. We go to lunch, chit-chat during the day — I considered that friendship. Then he took me shopping one day out-of-the-blue and bought me jewelry and an outfit — not cheap!. This surprised me, and I began to look at things differently. Then he took me out to dinner and paid for everything. There has been no physical intimacy at all though. A friend said, “So would you say you are in a with him relationship? Are you dating?” Um…from my perspective, I’d say yes. But I feel silly to be unsure. I’m in my 40s and I think it’s funny that I haven’t a clue! Would he do all this and still consider me “just a friend”?

February 6, 2009 at 3:03 am
(43) Rajesh says:

Dating mean just have sex with each other regularly without marriage.

August 22, 2011 at 12:21 pm
(44) Shep Shep says:

i agree to Rajesh

April 4, 2009 at 7:44 pm
(45) Denise says:

I met a man online. We talked every night. I couldn’t wait to talk to him. He had a great sencse of humor. He made me laugh and smile. Even just after weeks my feelings started to become strong the guy. I felt we were building a relationship. He work unusual hours, so we would compromise and be flexible as far spending time together. The first date went well. We shared the first kiss on the first date and it was very sensual. When we met, we clicked. We both liked each other. I would tell him how I felt about him. And Yes, every time we were together we’d make love. We talked about what we like concerning sex. And Yes, we pleased each other. Make a long story short, He had to move 2 hours away because of of his job. He told me to be prepared for whatever happened, meaning we might have to break up do to the distance and he might not be able to see me as much as he wanted. Of course, I didn’t want to loose him. Where he moved, he didn’t know anyone. But a lady he worked with was so willing to help him with everything. He called one night and said he was having dinner with a co-worker. I asked if it was a female. He said yes. But since, she’s done so much to help him and he so appreciative for what she’s done. She’s flirting with him, their having dinner together, etc. He said he told her he had a lady friend, not a girlfriend, who he was very close and intimate with. I was hurt, because he said lady friend. Every man has a lady friend. He even mention what if she caught him at a weak moment what was he to do. This hurts. Because all the things that she’s doing, I told him I want to do for him. I can’t, when I live 2 hours away. She’s right at his reach. She’s 29, he’s 39 & I’m 49. I tell him how I feel and he says I should stop thinking negative and that I have nothing to worry about. I told him when I fell for him, I fell hard. Just wanted him to know how strong my feelings for him were. He said, “I’m not there where you are” I told him that’s why he can’t tell me how he feels about me, because he doesn’t feel the same. I know I need to break this off, because it hurts. He’s spending time with her and I know sooner or later they are going to sleep together. I feel I made the mistake of jumping into this too fast, feelings grew to fast, we became intimate too fast where my emotions took over and he just liked me. I feel he was just not that into me to let his feelings show like mine did. I don’t want to make this mistake ever again. I allowed him to become my priority while I allowed myself to be an option. So many women allow themselves to get caught up emotionally, and that’s what I did. I will be breaking this off.

April 4, 2009 at 8:06 pm
(46) Denise says:

Denise again, what was I doing, what the hell was I thinking? Now I feel caught up emotionally with this guy. I feel he’s been honest and upfront with me. But I keep thinking I can handle this, but I don’t think I can. There are times when we talk and I ask him are we breaking up and he says no. Lets see how we handle this relationship long distance. But still, he’s spending time with her. I know what to do, I just need to do it. If he’s not emotionally in this like I am, then it’s not worth it. I felt we were dating. Must have been wrong.

April 8, 2009 at 5:02 pm
(47) richard says:

When two people are dating does this mean that they are boyfriend and girlfriend? I am dating someone who i believed to be my girlfriend untill a friend of the “girl i was dating” said we were just dating and that we were not boyfriend and girlfriend. This left me some what upset but mostly confused because if we were to meet new people i would say this is my girlfriend and then they would automaticly figure out that we were dating just as if we were engaged i would say this is my fiance and they would figure out that we were engaged as with being married i would say this is my wife and they would figure out that we were married. but aparently we are just dating so do i say “Hi this the the girl i am dating?” that sounds stupid. I believe that i am correct in thinking that dating someone and being boyfriend and girlfriend with someone is that exact same thing any comments to this would be great.

May 13, 2009 at 7:49 pm
(48) Renee says:

How long does a person date before making a further commitment? We have been dating for 7 months. We make plans for going out for supper, going out with friends. We live in seperate towns. We have sex every other week. He tells everyone we are dating. We are a couple. What is the next level? When does it happen? I think a lot has to do with I work out of town. If I push for more am I going to lose what I have.

July 26, 2009 at 9:44 am
(49) JILL CREAMER says:

MY COMMENT IS ACTUALLY A QUESTION I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE AN ANSWER FOR. IF A GUY ASKS YOU OUT FOR COFFEE, I ASSUME I’M PAYING FOR MY OWN COFFEE. OK, I’VE MET HIM, PAID FOR MY OWN DRINK AND FOOD AND AM GETTING TO KNOW HIM. I TALK TO HIM SEVERAL TIMES AND THEN HE WANTS TO MEET FOR COFFEE AGAIN. I SAY DOES THIS MEAN YOU’RE ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE. OH, NO, I’M NOT INTERESTED IN DATING, JUST TALKING EVEN THO ONLINE IN HIS PROFILE HE’S LOOKING FOR WOMAN FOR DATING. MY IDEA OF A DATE IS THAT THE MAN PAYS. HIS IDEA IS DIFFERENT. I NEVER DID HEAR HIS DEF. OF DATING BUT IT OBVIOUSLY WAS GOING TO BE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER WITHOUT IT COSTING HIM. MY QUESTION- DOES A DATE MEAN THE MAN PAYS? IF HE WERE A GENTLEMAN, I WOULDN’T HAVE TO ASK THIS QUESTION. I’D APPRECIATE AN ANSWER. THANK YOU.

August 3, 2009 at 1:45 pm
(50) cantell says:

I recently asked what dating is as well.. I went out to dinner and he kissed me good night asked if we could see each other. I simply asked what does see each other mean? He replied “dating!” and asked “if I knew what the meaning of dating was?” My reply was this..

Is it casual dating where you go out when you find time see a movie, eat dinner and then go home? and Can date other people? or

exclusive dating where we are only dating each other?

Or just hanging out like friends?

Or are you looking for a booty call in disguise?

There are alot of definitions of dating and I think it is determined by the two people and what they are truly looking for..

Oh by the way it is still unclear to me what his definition of dating in his mind is.. When I find out Ill let ya know.

August 5, 2009 at 3:23 am
(51) collin says:

dating is between two indivual who make a decision to getting to know each other better.
but when does dating becomes cheating

August 29, 2009 at 1:26 am
(52) Teresa says:

I have been “hangin out” with this guy for almost 2 months. My instincts are telling me he is into me. But, he totally keeps me at a distance. At times i can feel him lean tward me, an when he does his body language is total relaxation.. like he belongs there~ but it never lasts very long. He’s told me that he is not looking for Ms. Right Now… In one of his txts he said: “I try to keep everything in the open an in plain sight. I feel we are just hanging out and having fun. I said when we first met that I take it very slow especially when there are kids involved, :) ” He comes over an has dinner about 3 times a week. We sit at the table… Him, the twins an I an eat like a family. We txt an IM all day long. He drove his motorcycle from Texas up to Canada an back. He was gone 2 weeks an called an txtd me EVERY SINGLE DAY. He has not kissed me or even held my hand. He knows how I feel. He is very skillfull at avoidance. We have the same values, we are the same religion, WE HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY. I am a VERY patient woman but without even the tiniest bit of encouragement i just dont know….. ANY input is GREATLY appreciated.

September 10, 2009 at 4:59 pm
(53) Kevin says:

I’ve a collegue we are sort of very close I think we are great friends, but sometimes i feel he is too much into me. we talk almost everyday n he says he cant stay without talking to me, our talks are very much in general, we talk about the office issues and some general topics. he has been at my place couple of times for drinks and dinner he starts to touch me n he likes to feel me. he gets me gifts which i dont accept. i’m not a gay, he knows i’ve girl friends when i ask he says he is neither a gay or a bisexual, he often calls me out for a movie or for a hangout. can some one tell me is he dating me?? or what is he trying to do?? your response will be greatly appreciated folks.

September 21, 2009 at 1:46 pm
(54) Rhonda Keelin says:

How long shoud u date befor a decission is made for a relationship ? Is a year too long to introduce you as your girlfriend ?

October 9, 2009 at 12:49 pm
(55) LaKesha W-W says:

Dating.. this has been a topic of discussion amongst me and a dude I “hang out with” and his sister. Okay, so, My definition of dating is:
when two people go out for lunch, brunch, dinner, movies, any type of venue together. This “dating” occurs when one is interested in another and wants to spend time getting to know the other person and visa versa. You can never CHEAT on a person when you are in a dating stage, because your options are still left open. You can date as many people as you have time for. Once you and the other person mutually agrees to stop dating other people and become “exclusive”. That is the start of your commitment to a relationship. If you are just “hanging out” with someone with NO intentions of getting to know this person on any type of level.. It is what it is.. hanging out. When someone says “I’m going out on a date with ****” does that mean, “I’m going to have sex with ****” NO it doesn’t!!! some people equate dating to sex. It is not that by far. Now once sex starts to come into the equation, now your dating someone and having a “sexual relationship”. Still may not lead to a boyfriend/girlfriend situation.
And someone asked should people going through a divorce date.. HELL YES.

May 26, 2011 at 4:28 am
(56) praveen says:

HI lakesha.. i read all d cmnts or definitions given by different ppl and i felt dat urs isd clear nd suitable ans 4 d word dating means. wonderful job done. thank u

October 28, 2009 at 8:40 am
(57) kiran says:

girl and boy booking a room in a hotel taking bath together going home without doing anything

November 10, 2009 at 7:08 pm
(58) Wing Girl Kim says:

A date is “a purposeful event arranged for two people to get together with personal intent.” This is the definition in my book (tongue-in-cheek), AlphaDog, Get The Bitch You Want: A Man’s Guide to Dating, by a Woman. I think if we get rid of romance from the definition, we take off a lot of pressure for countless people. Intent is the key. If the intent is romance, then let that be decided between the people involved.

November 21, 2009 at 10:38 pm
(59) Mirror Image says:

For me personally, dating means: Official relationship (as opposed just being interested in each other), expected to be fairly long term, exclusive, committed, accountable, and there is genuine consideration and/or possibility of marriage.

December 9, 2009 at 8:03 am
(60) Aniketha says:

My whole education went in a girls school and college. So i didn’t had any ideas about guys or dating and all. In India dating is really new thing. Accidentally I got a boy through online, we chatted more than a year through online as well as mobile. Many times guy asked me to be his girl friend and asked to go out. But at the end he was telling he don’t take anyone seriously and any girl into the mind. He was always asking for my other friends contacts.What i feel is Many guys will take chance of dating to just enjoy their life. Many times emotionally girls are trapped by them.But when I asked seriously, the guy said he wanted an arranged marriage with a very cute n traditional girl, and he wanted to date with girls till his marriage. what do you think about that guy do you think he is dating or cheating or just using girls for time pass.

April 12, 2011 at 10:14 am
(61) Ola says:

Aniketha, I would say that he wants to have fun with girls before marriage. Some men don’t consider any pre-marital involvement with a girl to be a relationship. This is especially true if they plan to have an arranged marriage. They want to have a lot of sexual partners and then stop and have an arranged marriage and a dowry. Just girls for time pass.

December 23, 2009 at 1:34 pm
(62) Susan says:

I feel that yourdefinititon of dating is right on. I looked this up because of my experiences in the dating scene. It seems to me, the word date has lost its meaning to men. They some how think it means they get to have sex with me. Hokked up on the otherhand is just that,to me. I have hooked up before and things go bad. That is why I have gotten back to basics with expressing the word dating to the prospective date. Unfortunately, men in todays society dont remember the definition. I feel we need not redefive the word, but rather define it loud and clear. Then there will be no hurt feelings. I am 38 and was married for 18 yrs. Ive dated and hooked up. Im clear on the meanings and i am agrivated by the pure ignorence of and or disregaurd for the word and meaning on the part of men in the world today just because they want to- – - – !!!

December 31, 2009 at 5:54 am
(63) Ni-ves says:

Dating is enjoying the sexual life , those who are interested either male or female . marriage life is different from dating friendship life. in that enjoy a lot 100% . but enjoying after marriage with life partner is 75%.

January 9, 2010 at 9:12 am
(64) Lost In Paradise says:

I have been seeing a guy since about Aug. (We spent a week together then.) We live 5000 miles apart. We talk everyday. He asked me to spend Thanksgiving w/him – for a 2 week-long period. I agreed. We had a great time! He asked to spend 2-weeks with me at Christmas – we are STILL having a wonderful time! We also went on a cruise together. We are intimate.

I want to know how to ask if we are in a relationship without scaring him away? I certainly don’t want to date anyone else – exclusivity is the game for me, but… there are so many miles between us when we are not visiting with one another.

January 13, 2010 at 1:24 am
(65) Lost in Paradise says:

Well, I asked him and he gave me such a mixed message for a response, that I was left to presume the real answer is a simple, “No.”

Why do so many single men go through the motions of being in a relationship with you, but when held accountable, they scurry and run for cover? Guys, seriously, STOP giving affirmitive indicia of being in a relationship if you only punk-out when asked if one really exists. Let your actions and your words match…for once in your adult lives. Seriously.

January 17, 2010 at 12:35 pm
(66) selma says:

ok reading all this i am confussed more.. i have been i don’t know what to call it for 3 years. i want to know is it a relationship when you dont have his number because he does not want you to call you can’t come over unless he tells you to, and we only see each other when he wants yet we have only gone out in public 2 times. he has small kids. and he says he loves me but he does not show it we have been off and on for three years always under his term. i dont cheat on him been faithful because he does not want us seeing someone else but a friend was showing me the guy she was talking to on a dating site and as she pulled it up there he was. the man i love. i walked away and he never told me why he did that and we are now trying again. but so what is that. gf/bf, dating, hookup, what ???

January 27, 2010 at 9:08 am
(67) Sarah Grogan says:

Hey Bonny, thanks for the info. I’m a senior in high school and writing a research paper. I was wondering if you could please give me your definition and opinion of courtship.

February 9, 2010 at 1:28 am
(68) jeff says:

Thank you for your insight regarding the word ‘dating’… i found your definition supportive of my understanding of the word/term dating. i would be interested in learning more or seeing more on this word.

February 16, 2010 at 1:50 am
(69) Thomas says:

I kind agree with your definition with an exception though. I am in a dating relationship and it seems I cant get past it. The girl i have been dating for over 2 months now says she really likes me and we hang out and go on dates, enjoy similar interests and so on… But she is afraid to commit to something official. She thinks that if we are official we “have to hang out” and I was appalled to hear that definition. Its isnt just dating, it is getting to the next level in my opinion.

February 22, 2010 at 2:36 am
(70) Subhashree says:

Now my doubt is cleared !!! Thank you so much guys

March 26, 2011 at 12:48 pm
(71) damu says:

Hi Subhashree, please can u conclude what u understand about dating.Please if u dont mind call to this number and explain clearly.My number is 9731763005.

March 30, 2010 at 8:52 am
(72) steve says:

romance is not to be included in a date. it should be left for marriage. romance during dating obscures your ability to judge and will almost always lead to a divorce if romance is included before marriage.

April 4, 2010 at 2:51 am
(73) Amanda says:

Dating is so different these days, I think that if 2 people are dating it is Exclusive once you have become sexual!! Does anyone agree?

April 26, 2010 at 4:55 pm
(74) french catholic girl says:

what about when you have sex on the first date, sex on the second date, and sex on the third date, are you more than dating or you can still call it dating?

May 8, 2010 at 7:21 am
(75) Chris says:

Going on a date – If you are meeting someone even for coffee because you are curious about them, (they are beautiful, smart, rich, kind, interesting or just make you feel good inside) is considered going on a date. By definition going on a date is meeting someone you have made an appointment with, but in this case because of your curiosity it is with some form of romantic intent and there for should be considered a first date. Consider this – if after that first “meeting” for coffee two people become a couple that first “meeting” will for evermore be considered their first date to all their friends and family, you can’t have it both ways. If these two people get together after the first “meeting” it’s a first date and if they don’t work out it was just coffee. Case closed.

June 7, 2010 at 6:07 am
(76) fru obed says:

in my opinion i would say dating is an act of two presons of the oppposite having a good time to share ideas

June 23, 2010 at 4:19 am
(77) bobo!! says:

mamatai na kyung lahat

June 23, 2010 at 10:49 pm
(78) jaime says:

I have been with my man of 2yrs, and because i don’t spemd enough time with him he wants to start dating and thats what i thought was going on dates with each other to bring the firer back, but i found out today that he is seeing another women. I am very sad and don’t know what to do he tellse me he wants to be with me but when i told him i loved him he did not say it back. I am scared and don’t know what to do he says he doesn’t intend on sleeping with her but i know how he is and if he does that i don’t know if i could go back to him. I thought he was my world and because of all the crap i been going threw inmy life he says he feels like he is at the bottom of the list, its always about him. Should i just end this relationship or see what happenes

June 24, 2010 at 1:53 am
(79) Greta says:

Selma, if you will read this again… The man you are talking about is only interested in him, in his own needs, and whatever else this “all about him” might mean. You are there jst to serve him a purpose, either is sex, adult conversation, what that might be. But, you are not “an item” and, more so, you will never be the way you want it. Go and tak to a psychologist, but I am more than certain that either you are too naive about relationships, or that man is a narcissist, meaning his way of thinking and behaving revolves only arounds his own needs, in his own terms, not you…Usually, this is a personality disorder or you made it too easy for him and he is JUST A GUY with an instinct a lot of lack of respect for you…

July 19, 2010 at 5:11 pm
(80) Allyson says:

Dating or Not?

Our first “date” was breakfast after a night out with a group of mutual friends, followed by a nap at his house…woke up, ready to go home, and he jumped up and asked what we were gonna do for the day…ended up riding to his best friends house for a little while, then to his brothers for a visit with his nephews…that evening he stopped by where I work to say hi

throughout the week I recieved a text messages…then the next weekend he asked if I wanted to come over after work…he stayed up until I got off of work, and he layed on the couch and watched a movie…after a nap we spent the afternoon riding on his bike and meeting up with a couple more of his friend

after i got off work that night, I recieved a text message saying that he just layed down in his bed…it smelled like me and he liked it.

throughout the week I recieved txts indicating that he wanted me to come over more often.

the next weekend I got off work early and went over…we had a few drinks and went to bed…ended up kissing a little but nothing more

the next weekend we spent 4 nights together ( no sex at all) but on the 4th night ended up making out a little…

I’ve met several of his friends, some of his family…and I have no idea what’s going on…at first I thought this was all strictly a just friends thing, but it’s starting to feel like we might be dating…only I haven’t dated in a very long time and am completely clueless….any help?

July 23, 2010 at 12:41 pm
(81) Traci says:

I love and agree with LaKesha’s comment. Very well said:-)

September 9, 2010 at 1:51 am
(82) Saira says:

I think that making plans with romantic or sexual intentions is what make a “date” different from just hanging out with someone in a platonic way. If you have a friend that you end up liking as more than just a friend, making plans with them wouldn’t be considered dating unless you make your intentions clear to them.

September 19, 2010 at 6:51 am
(83) Tekla Hemisha Jacob says:

Previously I was thinking that dating means going out to night clubs with love mates having sex or something relating to sex……

Now I get the point here by reading all you people have written.

Thank-you all
I very much appreciate the comments made by Lakesha.
Well written…

September 22, 2010 at 11:35 pm
(84) Deanna says:

I’m less concerned about what the word means after reading the comments and want to know when it is ok to date multiple people simultaneously.

At what point does ‘dating’ becoming ‘playing the field’ or even cheating?

September 25, 2010 at 11:44 pm
(85) Dawn says:

Deanna,

You need to read the book the “Ethical Slut” for your answer. Don’t be put off by the title… it really is a good book that does speak to boundaries in multiple relationships.

Dawn

September 25, 2010 at 12:34 pm
(86) Dwayne Tamaya says:

What I have is more of a question than a comment. Any input or response is more than welcomed. Last evening I went out with a friend whom I had not seen in over 20 years. While we were chatting, the debate of what a date was. Since dating revolves around two people getting to know each other for the purpose of being more than friends, how would you term two people just going out as friends? Is that hooking up? Getting together? Or perhaps Being Social?

September 26, 2010 at 12:02 am
(87) Smokey says:

Dwayne Tamaya,

hmmmm…. i have a similar situation as you but now I have to get the guts up to just ask her if we are dating. Right now it doesn’t really matter.

It sounds like u two were just “being social”. Is there intent to see this person again?

Smokey

September 25, 2010 at 11:51 pm
(88) Smokey says:

I am horrible at knowing if I am dating someone…

Situation:
I have been spending a lot of time with a high school friend the last few months. She helped me through a rough patch and I helped her through a divorce.

That being said, I never really hung out with this person before. She has made me breakfast and I made her dinner. We have laid out what we want in our future lives. We have gone to theatrical performances. We have gone to festivals, we have shopped together. We have talked extensively about boundaries…but in the third person.

I don’t spend time with my other FRIENDS in this way… so now I need to find the words to ask if we are dating… I know this seems absurd… but this is life.

October 4, 2010 at 9:44 am
(89) Smokey says:

My new theory for those of not sure if they are dating someone or not is Just ASK!!

Yeah it is hard and you will have to find a moment.

So I asked…
I wasn’t left on the tracks to expire
I wasn’t picked up either
I was shown hope for the future.

Not today… the future.

October 15, 2010 at 1:55 pm
(90) sandra says:

I have related to just about everyones situation… now im talking to this 33 year old guy who juat recently left his wife, im 20 n it was love at first sight when i met him at a party…. he says he likes me and wants something intimatd with me… im just confused if he really wants intimate or just wants to use me for sex… what do you think?? What should i do?

October 25, 2010 at 3:45 pm
(91) Dale says:

Hi Sandra

Looks to me like you are both attracted to each other from the very onset, & it may be your intention to get to know him more before any sex takes place, & it may be the same for him too.

But also, people can be a little devious at times, both men & women, especially when it comes to sex, & a guy especially may detect a woman’s interest in him for just potential sex & possibly take advantage of this whole situation.

So I would suggest you both arrange to meet again (date) to get to know each other first (unless your intention IS to have sex on your meeting) but if it is not then try to hold back on sexual advances & see how you fair from there onwards.

Things take time & assumptions are automatically made concerning what the other person is up to, but all said & done, if you fancy him, you may need to take this opportunity otherwise you will never know, so I would suggest you take your chance & arrange a date then go from there.

Be safe & let your friend or family know you are going on a date with someone.

November 1, 2010 at 2:31 am
(92) kiran says:

hiii frds am kiran now am 25y guy i know now a days feelings & habbits
am here to tell one thing to all frds the dating means it is name instead of sex in now a days but few years back it not a name of dating it just frndship nd when we have to know eachother thn we have to choose parks, peaceful places to share this both but now a days y dating should be in a secret place r in the rooms..? it is not tht dating this is the way of getting in sex yar soo if u hurts SRRY frds to all am kiran frm india at hyderabad city nice to meet u frds bye nd takecare of ur life frdsssss

November 5, 2010 at 10:37 am
(93) Kris says:

I send atleast good night message everyday without fail to her, bymistake if i miss, she will give a call and make me reminded. we had met outside couple of times and have shared kisses(not lip to lip). does all this mean she will agree to have sex with me.

November 7, 2010 at 12:49 pm
(94) Mark says:

Hi,

When my daughters were teenagers they had the following definition of a date:

1. it is one-on-one
2. it is after 6 PM
3. it costs more than $20

Just thought you might enjoy this perspective

November 21, 2010 at 10:50 am
(95) Amal says:

I saw the word in fb and i was dreaing wht the hell is this and
I had a feeling that its sumthing else bt now i know the correct meaning of it……….. !

November 30, 2010 at 3:21 pm
(96) ruben says:

I really think there are two stages one in where you are friends and one in where you are married. A married couple are friends but they pursued to go further an intimate relationship. This is where i find for people to be dating

December 15, 2010 at 5:32 pm
(97) Tina says:

Okay after reading some very good posts, I thought I knew what dating was, but apparently I am in the dark along with everyone here. We all have are our expectations/definitions of what is dating or not dating. So here’s my story:
I met this guy on a site at the end of August of this year. We met up at Panera and stayed there for literally 6 hours talking and cracking each other up. It did not seem like 6 hours had past until we went to get up and leave. I didn’t hug him before or after the “meet.” I extended my hand and said it was nice to meet you and thank you for lunch. A couple days later we start texting and hanging out. His job sent him to Miami for about 3 weeks and he called him me to let me know where he was. Well while he was down there, I got bad news that my company was consolidating with our Ft Lauderdale office and if I wanted to transfer down there I could have that option. Well I told him about it in a text and I never heard back from him. I emailed him and was perfectly honest and asking him I feel like ever since I told you about me possibly relocating your avoiding me now. I got an email and text back from him saying that he wasn’t avoiding me and that he was possibly looking forward to seeing me again when he got back. It gets funnier, after he returns from Miami, he has to go to Saudi for 3 weeks. We emailed each other every other day and he even brought me something back. His job is very demanding (he’s a civilian with a military job). So he doesn’t exactly have a lot of free time and when he does, it’s usually spent with me. We have been hanging out and just recently in the 3rd month we finally kissed and had sex.

December 15, 2010 at 5:35 pm
(98) Tina says:

it’s me again, this is the ending to my comment….

He even spent Thanksgiving with my family and will be spending Christmas with my family as well. It will be 4 months this month that we have been seeing each other. I finally sent him an email asking where we stand, are we exclusively dating or are you dating other people because I am not. I haven’t heard anything back from him, but I know that he has had to read the email. He’s not acting weird and we still txt and hang out as if the email was never sent. So how would you define this situation?

April 12, 2011 at 12:34 pm
(99) Ola says:

I would say that he’s immature and if you want a mature relationship you’ll probably have to find someone else. I hate to say it, but I’ve been there and men who choose careers involving a lot of travel are really not interested in long-term, exclusive, committed relationships.

December 27, 2010 at 2:07 am
(100) Alex says:

To me, what classifies a date as a date, is if it has been made clear or agreed upon that it is/was a date. I always try to let the girl know what my intentions are to avoid confusion. One benifit is that you can avoid any guessing or wondering whether you should make any sort of move or not. And even when the other person would rather it be more of a “hang out”, in my experience they respect your honesty and it doesn’t make them feel awkward.

January 2, 2011 at 8:43 pm
(101) Sienna says:

Well Im in my late forties, divorced and really pretty if I may say so. I am a teacher in high school and go out each weekend with a guy. It maybe a male teacher or one of their friends or their siblings or cousins or randomn friends I know from other towns. So there is no pressure since I know these people from before and we have a fun time. Women find a lot to gossip from this but in reality I am having a good time while they cook and clean for their kids and husbands. I dont sleep with any of these guys but there is an occasional kiss here and there. So dating dffers from person to person obviously.

January 16, 2011 at 7:07 pm
(102) Confused Mind says:

I met this woman at church and we occasionally spoke to each other at church. After about 4 Sundays pass by we exchanged phone number. Our first phone conversation lasted for about 4hrs, and we hit it off immediately. for about a mth all we did was talk on the phone. When we went out on our first date. I just knew that I wanted this girl. So about 3 weeks later we developed a relationship. About a week later we had intercourse. I experienced some great sex, then it turned into a love relationship and I felt that this could be the woman who I could marry. After about a mth passed she starts to feel convicted because we’re having sex rapidly free at will. So she said this is not how God wants us 2 be. She says she needs space and that I forced her into a relationship that she didn’t want and all she wanted was to date and be friends. So now she says we should just date other people and let God lead us and just let God. She wants my friendship and suggest that we should be friends and date. She said I need to know what dating means … So Hello … can u help me ? How do u date and not lose feeling for something that could have lead to a married ? Instead it moves backwards which lead to a friendship. But I told her as my woman she became my bestfriend. So how do u accept the dating card ? ~ confused mind

February 14, 2011 at 11:50 am
(103) Jus Tired says:

Ive been with this guy now for over a year. When we first hooked up it was on a sexual nature. But friendship came out of it. After 3 months I admited to him that I was catching feeling for him. He did tell me that he wasnt ready to be in a relationship. And that he wouldnt be a good boyfriend. I heard him out but I continued with him and so did he. I have on several occasions have gotten mixed signals on alot thar hes told me. A year later and he lives with me although hes working on getting his own place. I babysit his kids. I pick them up when needed. I take him to work, pick him up, make sure he eats ect. He aswell contributes to the house hold. I do everything a woman would do for her man but in his eyes we are friends. Or he refers to us as dating. What is it really?

March 3, 2011 at 11:20 pm
(104) Tanya says:

Me and this guy we’ve been kinda seeing each other for about a month and all and like we already kissed and cuddle….. Would that be dating or seeing someone. … Or is that the same thing

March 7, 2011 at 9:16 am
(105) Mariz says:

whew!so confusing…I recently going out with this guy actually we will see each other again tomorrow and we’ll stay on his condo again..I met him in a site then he asked me for a drink so I go out with him on our first meeting he already told me that he really like’s me..I was very happy bcoz he is my type of guy so we go out again and after 3 meet up’s I asked him what are we? bcoz were always sweet when were together even in public,he text me that he always miss me and he’s thinking of me..he replied to me “let’s not complicate things too much right now,I guess were “dating” and at the same time getting to know each other”…but now I’m really confused what’s dating means…I thought before dating means going out and getting to know each other also but after I read most of the interesting comments here I’d become confused…I think I am falling in love with him…I don’t know what he really wants from me but me I want a serious relationship,,,I want to know where I stand…hmmmm now I made up my mind,I will ask him tomorrow “what’s dating means to him”….bcoz as I see”words have different meaning to different people”…hayzz how i hope I will love what he will say..wish me luck:)

July 26, 2011 at 7:03 pm
(106) bluedove says:

I see the postings in this forum is rather old, however I have a burning question…

Used an on-line dating service for the first time. A guy contacted me, liked my profile, sent me an intelligent e-mail saying that we had a lot in common.

For four days we logged in several hours of phone conversations. We then took a break for four days and then talked again and met for dinner the next day. The date went okay, he tried to kiss me after walking me to my car and I acted a little hesitant and didn’t technically make-out with him. He mentioned making plans for the weekend.

I texted him the next day to see if he wanted to talk and he came back that a family member was admitted to the hospital and he would call me the next day. After not hearing from him for three days, during which he had been logged onto the dating site, I sent a text saying I really enjoyed his company and I wouldn’t wait around for him to call but I hoped he would. He came right back saying he thought he missed out (?) and wanted to meet me that evening, but we ended up going out the day after that.

We talk, we laugh, we see eye to eye. I haven’t heard from him in two days, yet he has logged into the dating service (this sounds awful, but I checked with a friends profile).

I don’t get it…is he into me, is he turned off that I’m not making out with him right away, is he playing me? Is he just looking for sex?

Should I let it go or wait a few more days and contact him again???

July 31, 2011 at 8:04 am
(107) F says:

Okay.

So, we flirt all the time an hang out and kiss and all the stuff couples do, we even go to the movies and stuff. Yet, he says we’re not dating.

I don’t get it though, I would understand if we were just friends with benefits but we’re definitely more than that.

Here’s an example; if I were to start dating some other guy, he would not be happy with that and I’d feel like I am cheating on him. And vise versa.

But he tells me we aren’t dating. What are we, then?

September 27, 2011 at 9:17 pm
(108) Ms. B says:

All he wants is sex. Why don’t people just be patient and wait on God to send the right person. If he loves you he will wait. if he doesn’t love you then he’s not worth it. There are a lot of guys that will respect you for who you are and not because women have sex with them. How can you feel like your cheating when he is not your husband. Who wants to be emotionaly tied to someone if their not your spouse. Do the right thing and put God first.

August 30, 2011 at 9:25 am
(109) Mystic says:

Dating…back in the day dating was when 2 people went out to the movies, dinner, coffee, or even for a long walk in the park. Didn’t mean that you two were a couple until you both agreed to only see each other. Now today dating means jumping in the bed together just to see if you like each other (in other words if you were a good lay). What ever happened to taking it slow, oh thats right if you take it to slow then they may run to someone else. forgot about that. Dating doesn’t mean you fall inlove..dating should be to where you find out if you have anything in common with each other. what your likes or dislikes are. and if you two can get along with each other.

November 17, 2011 at 11:39 am
(110) Phillippe says:

i am seen my friend for over a year,she just got a divorce,I been her moral support through the divorce.
I love her very much and she loves me as well,we only see each other.
For some reason she keep telling her kids that asking her if we are dating that we are only friends.
Sex is great,we have lots of respect to each other,i love her so much,i cook for her,do her wash,go shopping for her.
For some reason she isnt strong enough to stand up to her family that want us to break up…………..we having a great time going out,dancing etc
But to her family and close friends she is afraid to admit to we are dating.
I think hey know better
what shall i do ?

December 10, 2011 at 8:51 am
(111) Violet says:

Really enjoyed reading the comments here. I’m 50 y/o widow just started dating again. At least thats what I think I’m doing. lol

I seeing a guy on and off for 9 months, he still considered us as just friends. Until his divorce is finally finalized (been to court at least 5 times in the past 3 years),, he isn’t ready for anything serious. things would be great for a few weeks, (I found out later) he felt I was getting attached so he’d back away for anywhere between 1-3 months before seeing me again. Yes we were intimate every single time. when he told me recently that he fell for someone and she rejected me thats when I understood, he was just using me for sex. I have since moved on. Yes, naive at my age!

in fact, met someone online, met in person. We text frequently. been on a few dates. He’s studying to get his degree in chemical engineering and is pretty preoccupied with that and sering his 15 y/o son on most weekends. So we try to see each other when we can. I don’t want to make the same mistake I did with my previous “relationship”. S told me from the start he wasn’t looking for a hookup. He even deleted his fast dating profile after we met in person. he made me breakfast the last time I stayed over and he mentioned seeing me again. So, yes at this age, I don’t know if I’m in relationship yet. He did ask to photograph me so he had a picture of me with him all the time. Is this still casual dating? or are we dating?

December 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm
(112) 760Erika760 says:

To me dating can go on forever. It really is all about communication. If your so hung up on if you guys are together or not you need to speak up seriously. If you guys are having sex then I really don’t know because he could just see you as someone to sleep with especially if you guys just met. People use dating in different ways there’s many definition for dating. I use dating not to find a relationship but just to out and have a good time and enjoy being single and if I do meet someone I really like I can cut off the people I’m dating and go out with that person. To me I know if a Guy really likes me when he tells me straight up “ay I like you I want you to be my girlfriend Boom! That’s when you know when a Guy really likes you he wants to make it official cause he wants you to himself.

December 22, 2011 at 7:37 am
(113) Serena says:

A date in the contect discussed here is an activity where two people come together to get to know each other on a romantic basis. At the end of a date – you may walk away and not feel the romantic chemistry, that does not mean it wasn’t a date.
I think it is important to differentiate between “a date”, “meeting” (ie. meeting for coffee for the first time is NOT a date), a “booty call” (where the emotional intimacy is eliminated and is purely based on physical intimacy) and in the context we have been talking an activity with a friend is not “a date”.
Sleeping with someone is not considered dating unless you actually go on “a date” and plural.
I think there needs to be some clear lines as to what things are… We end up feeling messy if the lines are blurred and we don’t know what we are (however that does not eliminate the need for relationships to evolve)

January 4, 2012 at 11:43 pm
(114) Dawn says:

I’m very very confused on dating. I’m currently doing online dating. I had two dates with this woman. I really like her a lot but I know that she is shy and it is hard for her to express her feelings at times. On our second date, we hung out all day and night and she spent the night. We just kissed and cuddled all night long. Now, I’m not sure where we go from here. She said we just take it slow and get to know one another. I’m really not interested in meeting other people on the site. I’m not a serial dating kind of person. We have been talking since November. Shall I just give it another month and see what happens to tell her that I would just like to see her? Keep in mind that we are 37 and 40 years old, we are not kids. Thanks!

January 7, 2012 at 5:08 am
(115) james says:

as far as being introduced by friiends “in the old days, vs NOW with dating sitng. I would MUCH rather have friends introduce me vs the later for SO many reasons.
1. with dating dating sites, obvously you may NEVER get the opportunity to see that person IN person, talk to them live. and here them speak. and with the way too many women are looking guys up and down on this sites and most not responding to the 100′s of emails they get each week. at least with the formal intro you can see them live in person, say hi to them, even though you may or may not get a phone number. sorry if I repeated a few things. I will say that with THIS site. its a SHAME that NON paying MALE members cant see what a women’s photo looks like since men are such “visual creatures.

January 7, 2012 at 5:16 am
(116) james says:

sorry for the typos: I meant dating SITES.

January 7, 2012 at 10:54 am
(117) Rock Chick says:

a few friends and i were having this conversation the other day. one friend is older and other is younger than me. they both agreed that if you see only one person then that means they are your bf or gf. if dating they think that means that you may be seeing one person but can or are seeing other ppl as well. i dont agree with them. I think dating is when you like someone and you want to get to know them and are interested in them in more than a friend like you want more than just a friendship and there is some feelings developing. You hang out you talk about whats important what your hobbies are deal breakers etc. Then after a said amount of time and if your feelings grow stronger one of you asks the other to be your bf or gf and you start a relationship. But like said I suppose it depends on your age, where from and what your definition is and what you have discussed between you and other person of what is dating what is relationship and what both intail etc.

February 6, 2012 at 10:36 pm
(118) Pretty nena says:

selma….I’m in shock ….why did you stay with a man who don’t appreciate you? In my opinion, you have to move on and find a person who love you and be proud to be with you everywhere ….he is a controlling as****ole and he always will be ….people don’t change…you are the only one who can change this situation …good luck

February 16, 2012 at 5:54 pm
(119) Rachel says:

hi there!
I do know and feel what dating is,but I have a friend who needs a definition to the phrase BE MY DATE..in her language !..I will tell her…that if I say to smb BE MY DATE – it will mean: let’s meet,know each other,spend time beautifully.No sex involved..a kiss?..yes..not kisses!
BUT !…maybe in future,if we like each other and keep dating we’ll have whatever the relationship will bring:-)
Will it be a good translation,explanation for my friend ?
What do you think ?!
Bye!

March 23, 2012 at 10:10 pm
(120) bike riding and impotence says:

wow, awesome article. Much obliged.

May 1, 2012 at 10:44 am
(121) Melissa Shank says:

Okay, can someone please help me? Me and Jareth hang out all the time. We love each others company. He has told me that he likes me very much, and I have the same feelings. He spends the night and sleeps in my bed. We have kissed. And we hang out at all the chances we can get. Are we dating?

May 13, 2012 at 12:22 am
(122) Sultan says:

I think so @Melissa.

June 1, 2012 at 10:29 pm
(123) holly says:

Seriously?! I’m saddened by some of these women’s ‘predicaments’…not because i think they are being used but because they meekly stand back and leave all the power the hands of a guy who doesn’t appreciate what he has. Why would you want a guy who can’t make a decision? You deserve much more than being some guys convenient sex toy. why would he change the situation when you’ve let him get away with how he treats you now? ‘if a guy doesn’t know what he wants, he doesn’t want what he has right now’. stand up and let the guy know what you expect…is it a relationship?…is it casual sex? Find some self esteem and use it to find a guy who will bend over backwards to show the world your his! You don’t even need to manipulate someone with ultimatum like a crazy woman…just dump his ass, tell you need more than what he’s prepared to give and find someone who deserves you.

July 11, 2012 at 5:22 pm
(124) Niki says:

There is dating and being in a relationship. I always thought that the whole purpose of dating is so you can see a couple of people at once otherwise your in a committed relationship. The purpose of dating is to test the waters wether it be emotionally or physically. I have dated a couple of people at once before and I have told both of them that I was dating other people. Yeah they get upset but I have recently found that it is more of a territorial thing than a love thing. It is human nature to not want to share what is “yours”. But I think people need to be honest. If you say your dating you have every right to see other people. Otherwise commit yourself whole heartedly to one person.

July 18, 2012 at 11:01 am
(125) Vicki says:

Some of the comments on this blog are quite funny. Never assume you are exclusive with someone without you two sitting down and having a verbal agreement early on in the relationship. That way especially for ladies you avoid being used. Get that sorted early on! Relationships are based on communication not assumptions if you’re afraid to talk to your potential partner then he probably isn’t the right guy for you, love requires trust that should be your best friend; no topic is taboo.

July 20, 2012 at 8:14 am
(126) Chazz says:

I have been “dating” this lady (we are both over 60 years of age) for about a month and a half. We both have said I love you to each other, but I’m afraid of asking her what our exact “relationship” is. I did give her a “promise” ring before she went on vacation last week (had to explain what that meant, though I’m not sure either) and she is returning tomorrow. Does the fact that she accepted and wore this ring mean we are in a committed relationship? All these terms are confusing for me, at this stage in my life. Thank you

July 21, 2012 at 10:20 am
(127) Mimi says:

I’m involved in a distance relationship. My boyfriend has various cultural outings with friends (restaurants, museums, movies, concerts, travel, etc.). Seems like continuous casual dating, but I’ve informed there’s usually addtnl. seats if care to participate.

There’s a difference between “casual functions/hookups” & intimate dating. Having your cake & eating it too … drawing a thin line. Daily communication, love, trust & monthly visits help until I can relocate (just graduated, job hunting now)

August 10, 2012 at 9:52 pm
(128) illi says:

iam confused my x text me and saids i wish i could have done better ? and i ask him are u with someone he replys no im just dating. im like what but he wants to have sex with me wow im i confiused or what . i was just getting over him now my feelings are all aroused again what to do help!!!

August 14, 2012 at 5:57 pm
(129) yvette says:

I just started dating for the first time 4 months ago..We were friends for over a year. and decided that we didnt want to just jump into a bf/gf relationship we should date each other first and see where this may lead to. Don’t get me wrong it has some ups and down but that just comes with learning each others ways. He is a good person, with an unbelievable heart. I’m glad we are taking it slow. I’m learning alot from dating him.1. have alot of patience. 2. You can’t love every man the same. some men comes with alot of scars and heartache. so it brings me back to 1. be patient….

September 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm
(130) Aaron says:

Personally, I wouldn’t assume “we” are dating until we have had a conversation, and agreed that we are dating. In terms of online dating, the first meeting isnt necessarily a date. But after meeting a few times I think I’d want to establish if we are dating exclusive or not.

September 24, 2012 at 11:30 pm
(131) Allan says:

MAY THE ALMIGHTY PROTECT YOU ALL. ALL GLORIES TO HIS HOLY NAME.

October 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm
(132) Annie says:

I have been dating a guy for almost a month but still relationship status isn’t clear to me but he has asked me several times to moved in with him. I guess we’re bf/gf? Right?

November 7, 2012 at 2:53 pm
(133) Don says:

Dating is when two people go out with the expectation of intimacy or commitment later on.

Hanging out is when a woman uses a guy for free meals, movies, etc. when she clearly knows that he expects intimacy later on, but she only wants to boink the hot guy who buys her one drink at the local bar. Commitment in this situation only comes when the guy finally gives up and has himself committed to a mental institution.

December 9, 2012 at 5:24 pm
(134) Dark Haired Beauty says:

WOW!! well i would just like to say, that it seems to me that everyone is talking to someone else except the one they really need to be talking to. it seems to me that communication is the key because everyone has their own definition of what dating is…so do not let issues arise that may become a burden on you. discussions are necessary when two hearts are involved…..get on the same page, be honest and open and let things flow as they will. know what you want for yourself , don’t settle for anything less than that and don’t string people along. be honest always!!!!! but most definitely have an understanding what you each think dating means…:-)

December 19, 2012 at 8:34 pm
(135) sammiez01 says:

Ahhh yes! A place where the word “dating” us more way more specific!:)
thanks so much.

December 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm
(136) original URL says:

This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something which helped me. Cheers!

February 22, 2013 at 12:01 pm
(137) life2hard says:

An outstanding share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been conducting a little homework on this. And he actually bought me dinner because I stumbled upon it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending time to talk about this subject here on your blog.

March 12, 2013 at 9:14 pm
(138) Samuel says:

Thanks Bonny Albo for this great information you provided here. Dating is knowing someone who are very special for you, having a romantic relationship, understading one another, what she/he likes and doesn’t.

March 17, 2013 at 8:29 pm
(139) robert hernandez says:

But the question i ask is can you date more then one person at the same time? is that wrong?

April 7, 2013 at 7:16 pm
(140) rafal says:

i think date is what u call a date, People in relationship or marriage regards of their sexuality should not never stop dating. if you invite someone for a date using specific word “date” so its clear and there is no misunderstanding. if you not sure if u date someone just ask “Is it a date” in kind and romantic way o course and make it special.

April 26, 2013 at 1:21 pm
(141) gift with purchase says:

Hi! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog before but after looking at some of the articles I realized it’s new to me.
Anyhow, I’m certainly pleased I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking
it and checking back regularly!

April 28, 2013 at 4:52 am
(142) John says:

Wife and i are seperated and it isnt going well as far as recorery.I asked her ,since “she doesnt beleive in love”(stupid thing she she has said now coming back on her),and thinks its silly that i wont mess around becasue im trying to honor our marriage and, sneek in the back door to heaven.Messed up the front!So i asked her if she was dating?
She responded with NO IM NOT FU#&ING ANYONE,NO NOONE IS IN THE HOUSE,NO IM NOT GOING OUT AND F”ING PPL.
WOW!
I really was just wanting to know if a movie or dinner ,out were cool if we met someone.We are married and sex shouldnt even be on the table in this conversation.So do i adopt her radical answer as my way of thinking.Do i think,thats why im not with her since Dec.Does that shut my doors to go out under what i am calling a plutonic date since it would be wrong to lie,To yourself or another person.So perhaps being clear that you would like to call it a date for smiles,have a nice time.,,maybe more events if you have fun.thats how friends get made too!
So is it fair after crearley stating your intentions to others,to still enjoy the old way of calling it a date”to meet” and share something fun?

July 31, 2013 at 1:36 am
(143) curious says:

So dating means we can date other people right? We been on 3 dates and i meet his son. But tonight he said out of the blue you can go out i don’t care were still having fun getting to kno each other. I was like ooh alright. I want asking for permission. Lol

August 17, 2013 at 7:48 am
(144) jillairahgie says:

DATING is have interested in more than just friendship,and getting to know each other on potentially romantic level

September 10, 2013 at 3:49 pm
(145) karen says:

Just need to know my boyfriend had affair saI’d first it was once then found out it was twice so I spoke to her she said they seen each other occsaionally is that a relationship or or they didn’t see each other very much

September 10, 2013 at 6:37 pm
(146) Karen says:

I been with this man for nine yrs I went away to work just being with me prior two weeks and after a month he tells me he had affair and it only happened once but found out he was with her more then that so he wasn’t giving me any answers when I asked about it. Wouldnt tell who she was untill soneone told me so I sent her a mgs asking she says they occasionally seen each other….I like to know what OCCASIONALLY means

November 13, 2013 at 6:36 pm
(147) Roger says:

I think a date is when a guy ask a girl or a girl ask a guy out > to go to a movie or to get lunch or dinner together doesn’t madder how pays these days since “its all to do with equal rights”. Also its a date if you both want to just hang out for the day together hold hands and hung each other go for a walk together or have a picnic at a park or just anyplace. Some dates just suck all way, it’s because its a half-ass date by some one that wants a free ride with no considerations to the other person. Then its not a date.

December 9, 2013 at 6:53 am
(148) dating for married men says:

whoah this blog is excellent i really like reading your articles.
Keep up the great work! You already know, many people are searching
around for this info, you can help them greatly.

December 10, 2013 at 8:02 pm
(149) geelow says:

can someone give me sum advice i have been dating this guy 8months and we are intimate we spend a whole lot of time together he sleeps at my house every night we tell eachother we love one another he has met and been around my kids, we attend church together the only problem is when i ask what’s our status he tells me im someone he is seeing and dating, he wants to take it slow and dont want to rush into it . He also leaving town to pursue his career , he say he will come back and spend time with me and the girls ,he even said once he get situated he will move me and the girls out ther with him i love this man should i stick around and see if this friendship go futher or should i let it go

December 16, 2013 at 12:47 am
(150) Autumn says:

Ok so great info but I’m not allowed to date and my dad says that once I can tell him exactly what dating is then we can talk about dating but I have given my dad so many definitions on what dating really is and he said I was close but not quite there so I geuse I’m just wondering is this the right info to tell him or will he say I’m still not there yet

December 23, 2013 at 3:20 pm
(151) sue says:

These days the definition of dating is confusing. Old days a guy would ask a permission to her father to take her out, meaning he met her before, talked a little bit and they knew they had a chemistry. This is clear in the old days, they are dating.

These days, online dating is not a dating until you both are sure at least you both have a live chemistry going. Now it’s up to the ladies, but if you don’t have a support system as in old days, do not trip yourself emotionally until you know he thinks he’s interested to take you see his parents. Until that point, you are best friends with some (not all) benefits. You’re the gatekeeper and you keep living your life and asking him questions. He could run away or he could stick around with you and keep answering your questions. His interest with you shouldn’t be just the cuddling, kissing, what else that he sees in you that he’s willing to be there ? You shouldn’t have doubt that if you two have become better persons, deep down you know you are meant to be together. To get to this point, you both must communicate well, have trust and support each other goals. Focus on these skills, yours and his, and keep learning about each other and improve the skills. Until you are engaged, you ladies do not plan or ask where the relationship stands, you had your answers already. Until that day comes, you lean in and do not settle.

January 19, 2014 at 11:18 pm
(152) Nilufer says:

I have been seeing someone for more that 4 yrs, we have out on many occasions even sexual only with this one person . What would this be considered as, what we are or share ? I’m curious and confused.

February 21, 2014 at 6:57 am
(153) Sivaram says:

I feel Date can mean entirely different things. It can be just hanging out or getting involved in a romantic relationship. My friend hangs out with several guys for different common interests. For example we go together often for horse riding, play golf together, i drop her often for sports activities and back to her place, have dinner together often either with just her or with her friend. No kiss or sex. And just because we share some common interests it doesn’t mean it is a date which can mature into a romantic one. But when she travels abroad it is always with another guy but never shares that info with me. Not that I am not inclined to travel with her but she prefers the other friend. She wants to hide that from me for her own reasons. Now are these dating in the real sense or just hangouts? It could be just a casual hangout with me and a more serious one with the other. Or it could be just casual hangouts with both. Good friendship and dating comes with honesty, communication and respect.

March 8, 2014 at 11:56 am
(154) RB says:

After my second divorce, I decided to jump into dating. In the past, I was crippled with shyness and never approached women. When my ex’s drifted into my life and latched onto me, I naturally latched on too. My last ex wife left and told me to date, get exposure, and learn to be a man in bed. The first date I had after that offered me sex on the first date, which was what I was looking for. Unfortunately, she assumed that by taking her up on it I was looking for marriage and she laid the guilt on me. We decided to continue seeing each other, and she promised she would set up 3sums with other women since she was bi. Before long, I realized I was in love. We broke up and reconciled several times in the next 2 years, got engaged, and planned a life together. She also changed her mind on the 3sum thing, which made me feel I’d been tricked, but what we had together was okay without that. The vast difference in our sexual experience levels ultimately destroyed the relationship. Moral of the story: always get to know someone first, and discuss your goals and intentions. I’ll always love her. Now I’m back to square one, starting dating.

March 14, 2014 at 10:34 am
(155) narender says:

the two members who are have to date , both talk to
each other alot, express
your love in your way &
everything you both like
and want to do, thats
dating,

it is just meeting or expressing lovely movements

April 8, 2014 at 11:38 am
(156) Joe User says:

I don’t want anything to do with any of it. All of this confusion and the way it has been perverted in modern culture has caused some of us to not want anyone. I would rather be alone than waste my life playing these games. Things that are intended to be just happen – they don’t require trying.

April 29, 2014 at 4:34 pm
(157) StraightGate says:

“Dating,” when I was a kid in the 1950s meant spending fun time with someone of the opposite sex such as movies, ball games, etc. Nobody presumed that it would involve sexual activity.

Sadly, it seems, today, that the term presumes fornication. Otherwise, they’re just friends.

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