Is Living With the Parents a Turn Off?
xXHankXx asks: "I'm not in school but I was recently and am saving money to return. I don't make much money and I don't have a rich family (well off and comfortable but not rich, I pay for my own school), so I'm pretty much stuck with them, unless I want to give up my educational and career dreams.
I consider myself to be independant in my endevors but when it comes to a place to live I don't really have much of a choice.
Would a girl of the same age or older take that as a turn off at all or is it sort of trivial? I know I wouldn't care if the person I was interested in lived with their parents but then I'm in that situation so I'm kind of biased."
So, what do you think? Does Hank living with his parents make him a less desirable date?
Comments
Any girl worth your time would understand your dilemma. Of course, this is not necessarily something you need to bring up when first meeting someone. Some girls can be very judgemental & shallow when it comes to things of this nature. So, your best bet would be to let them get to know you a little first. Then explain that you are currently in college pursuing your dreams & future career path. Your family is unable to foot the huge tuition bills (which most normal parents can’t) and because of this you are living at home while paying your way. If a woman can’t respect this she is DEFINITELY not worth your time. Good luck with everything. I personally think it’s very admirable. Dream Big!
It doesn’t say anywhere how old he is. It’s one of those things that’s acceptable in your 20’s but not in your 30’s or beyond.
I certainly would hope that people are not that shallow. I, for one, am in the same type of situation, however slightly different circumstances, BUT, I just want people to be aware that not all of us young adults living at home are losers that sit in the basement playing video games and living off our parents! Don’t judge someone until you know their whole situation, because I know there’s a certain stigma attached to living at home.
I too would agree that living with your parents shouldn’t be a stigma anymore, although there does come a time when you have to branch out on your own. Still, Stats Canada and the US government’s recent census figures show that youngsters are living at home much longer than the generation before them, so it’s more common than I think many people of the older generations realize.
As long as you have a job and are working towards career goals (AKA there’s a good, non-loser reason you still live at home) you’re all set. I have neighbors in their 30’s who are far from losers and are still living at home!
do you have a paper route too? get off your butt and get a job dude, why worry about dating and finding your true love(what a joke) when you can’t even support yourself.
Although I agree that a really great girl could think about your living situation as a temporary need, it’s also a girl’s job to be cautious. Women too often fall in love with a man’s potential only to find out that the Oscar winning actor, rap artist, or even soccer coach that she thought lived inside of her man was just a faint dream. That is not to say that men don’t live up to their potential, but it is to say that it’s not anyone’s responsibility to wait for you to live up to yours. My advice about love to my friends is usually a philosophy that life is like a journey and most adult relationships do best when you meet someone on the same path as you. So if you’re just finding your way, a really established person might not have much in common with you. Just like if you are really settled, a girl who is just discovering independence might not be right for you. Now surely people from different spots on the “life path” can make love work but I’m suggesting you don’t take the rejection too personally.
hmmm I’m a filipina and in my own opinion. It doesn’t bother me at all. In our country. Kids live with their parents till they got married. So it’s not a big deal.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with your situation. You’re getting college education, and that means a lot. You also plan on going back to school. You have goals, and that is admirable. What you’re doing is actually smart. Instead of racking up credit card debt and focusing on a job (and overworking), you are focused on a bigger goal that just getting your own place. True, it might be a little annoying to a girl who wants to come over and spend time with you, but someone who truly understands, respects, and appreciates what you are doing will stick with you. At least you’re not complacent and have no plans whatsoever for ever leaving your parents’ house and you are headed somewhere.
I totally agree that it is an age thing. 20’s is fine…30’s I really don’t think it’s a good thing. I agree that it’s good to try to better yourself, but when a man lives with his parents alot of times they tend to get in the middle of his personal life. Been there done that!
This is going to sound cliched, but if she doesn’t understand your situation then she just aint worth it…
I live with my parents and I see nothing wrong with living with your parents until you can afford a place of your own. I know a guy who lived with his parents into his 30’s and he found a woman he fell in love with, got married, and they obviously live together now. Age has nothing to do with living with your parents.
Dave you are not my hero.Your father should have left you as a stain on the sheets.
Sweetie, the fact that you even have to ask if its ok leads me to think you’re old enough to have moved out. Kids that are in college still live at home a lot and its to be expected. but i get the impression that either you’re trying to date out of your ‘price range’ with someone who is out on thier own and settled financially or you are old enough to be out but arent. And i have to say, Dave is right. Worry about your job/future for now and get a place of your own. -this is coming from a woman who did live with her’rents longer than she should have but got her act together and is a loser no more. (that is to say-i been there, honey!)
Man it does depend on your situtation, for example my parents were recently left unemployed and I had to help support them, we barley made it, who’s gonna tell me i ain’t a man(25 yrs old), whoever would say that ain’t no real person, they couldn’t do what i do, so yea don’t judge just realize your lucky not to be born in that situation. I got a 3.5 gpa in college, paid my first 3 years, worked 2 jobs and still went to school on 2 hrs of sleep. But then again, that doesn’t matter to some who are just looking for a meal ticket who want to be lazy and immature w/ a sugar daddy. Women wonder why a guy who makes a lot of money in his 30’s could still be single, these men realize 90% of these women would be a waste of his time. Think about it women complain about men cheating, not meaning what they say, etc. and its true, good men are those who can rise above these insticts, but at the same point women have to realize their basic instincts are just as savage, they wish to have somebody take care of them, well they have an easy life, thats why deep down its all about control for women, they want to secure their man as a base for their convienent lifestyle and make sure he can never leave, he becomes so dependent on the woman. Now, I know if anybody reads this they will curse me out, and women do have a good reason to be this way, it takes a lot of time and effort, money to raise a child, and they want somebody who will stick with them and offer security, its totally natural and reasonable, my only point is that women need to realize their emotions do not hold the answers, and that just like men, their are basic instincts that drive them as well, and its important for women to recognize this and rise above it, rather than wallow in insecurity and expect a man to be the solve-all, its a flat out stupid assertion.
I would not date a guy living at home.. unless he has a good reason, which you do. I don’t think it’s shallow to think this way, I’m young single mother who paid her way through collge and plans on going back soon. I wouldn’t date someone who is sitting at home with his parents for no reason. The fact that your in between school is admirable. But, don’t hide it from the girl, she might think something is up.
Independence does not solely mean where you live. If you are capable, you are capable no matter what your situation is, and where you live.
If you are not capable, you can live out and be “independant” while be broke and drink your own tears to bed.
A woman should be mature enough to understand the reason why you are with your parents. Some parents require help around the house because they are old. Some parents require financial assistance.
Offer to pay your share of the bill, utilities, etc. You are then truely independant if you can pay your share. Then when it is time to move out, you will know what to do.
Do not get discouraged when women give you grief about these kind of things.
A capable man is capable whether he is up high in a tower or sinking in a sewer. It’s YOU that really matter.
One guy who really like me a lot and he want to be relationship with me. The problem is, he have no job, he is 36 y ears old, and he is living with his parent their house more than 10 years. How does it feel like, uh? What can I do with him?
A grown man living with his parents is a MAJOR turn-off.
I take care of myself, and I expect the same of anyone I date, regardless of the circumstances. There are too many fish in the sea for me to compromise my standards on this or any other issue.
If he’s that great a guy, maybe I will run into him again after he grows into his big-boy pants.
Sometimes people put their family first. All these people who slam others for their choice of lifestyle. Not all are losers. If you live in a home that you can’t afford have a crap FICO score and credit card debt beyond belief. I would be careful who you would judge. Life does not throw everyone the same situations in life. Sometimes people make sacrafices in life even when it’s hard being judged by everyone else.
I’m a 43 year old guy. I had my homeless mother move in with me when I was 26. That was the end to any normal social life I had because most woman think your a loser if you live with one of your parents. No matter what the situation.
I just was on a date with a 29 yr old who still lives at home and i’m not bothered. He is building a house to sell at the moment and then buying his own place later in the year. As long as its not ur life plan to live with ur parents and its for a good reason i wouldnt have a problem
If he lives at home with his parents – run the opposite direction. I can understand if it is a ‘temporary’ situation or if the parents are ill and require assistance. Acceptable, the following is not. I had a friend that is 37 and he never left his parents house. Ever. His parents paid for his schooling and he has never ventured out on his own. He has no real world experience and has never been responsible for anything – ever. He lives by his parents rules (never took a sick day because ‘his dad would get mad’). His mother still makes his lunches for work and has supper on the table at 430. I know for a fact he’s never used a washing machine – he’s 37 years old!!! Not sure if he’s ever had a real girlfriend. It is super hard to have a decent conversation about relationships/struggles/anything because he cannot relate. I may be describing the ultimate in the mamma’s boy syndrome but if this is what you want for your future, have at er!
How about this one. I live at home and definitely want to move out now. I’m 36. Great job as a teacher, great money, work two other jobs as well, but can make time to go out and socialize. Girl’s love my looks, athleticism, manners and sense of humour and how well I treat them. I’m an enigma though because everyone wonders why isn’t this guy married and a dad? He’s perfect(p.s. I”m great w kids too.)
I pay rent, I have since High School. I’ve dated girls all through life(but let alot of good ones go, because I thought I could do better), I’ve never been needy or insecure,quite the opposite, I’m a pretty confident and in a jokingly way “cocky” guy. I have money saved up for everything that would be needed to make a wife and family happy and secure. My only worry is, is it too late? I don’t want to lie about it. One parent was slightly ill and I hung around to help out and raise nieces and nephews that my mom(their grandma) babysat. They’re are wonderfully adjusted with all the positive attention and teaching they received, hence one benefit. Is it too late? Women can be very judgemental, is there a non judgemental hotties for me? lol Any responses ladies?
What about my situation? I’m 29 and just recently moved back in. I’ve been on my own since I was 17. I just got out of an eight year relationship. We were engaged and ready. At least I was. I’ve always had a good job but now life has thrown be a curve ball. No woman and no job. I’m going back to school and live off what I had saved for the wedding. Only thing is school will take years. I’m embarresed to be home and don’t know how I would ever explain my situation to a potential mate. Will I ever find before 35?
I’m 29 and still live at home. In all honesty, most people don’t take advantage of any potential resource because they are stupid. I worked through multiple higher degrees using the security of a stable house and study area. Sharing bills has allowed me to live a nice life that is above my means. Smart choices have also allowed me to achieve around $200k net worth on my own. I even own a house that I don’t live in.
Are families really that bad? I love my family. Even if I had millions of dollars in worth, I would want them with me. Sure, you need your own space… that is it though. My friends and I have always leaned toward communal living. We have talked about setting up some land and all sharing it. So, it goes beyond even family connections. I think some people just have social instability. They can’t exist in a group setting very well.
I have been happily engaged for a while, but I always laughed at girls who judged guys for living at home. They were always dating some loser who was piling up debt that would last decades to come. Most of the time, those guys had reached a peak in their life. The $20-40k they thought was enough in the modern world usually turns out to be the end of the line in their social progress. In a lot of cases, that stability isn’t even long lasting. Those guys hit tough patches and often move further back down the ladder.
It isn’t easy. You get a lot of grief. My relationship even suffers some stress because it feels like it has been on pause a while now. In a decade, when my worth is up over a million, I will still be living with other people. I might even move in my wife’s mother. It will be about time to start taking care of them. About that time, all of the other guys will be showing up asking for loans or help (like they already do now). I will remember that they had their time and already reaped their rewards. Either way, you hit 30 with money and the whole picture changes. It takes until about 30 for girls to realize what debt is and who actual has worth rather than loans.
Well, I think there’s nothing wrong with still living at home with your parents.
Take my fiance’s case for instance. He’s 30, has a stable job, his own house, but still lives with his parents so he can rent out his property.
When we met and started dating he explained to me his situation, and I found it acceptable. Still do.
Now we’ve just purchased another investment property together, are getting married end of this year, and moving into the home that he had rented out previously.
So just because a guy who’s entering his 30’s is still living with his parents doesn’t mean he’s an unemployed good-for-nothing. It depends on the situation, so girls, don’t judge.
And as joseph @#26 explains above, some guys can also choose to still live at home cos they want that family ties of living together, not because they are financially incapable.
This is for Summer, and all the women who think like her.
Why are you being cautious if you have a career of your own, and are working towards something yourself? What are you afraid of? If this guy has dreams to be an actor, a person who actually loved him and not his possible dollar value would support him when his dream seemed to fall apart. Do you have no empathy? How many women want to be actresses, and their boyfriends support them?
My advice is, be careful of women like Summer. The are the worst type, simply because they justify their shallowness. Women don’t have to be cautious anymore, financially, since they should have a career themselves.
Women seem to be less likely to stick with a guy if his financial viability falls apart. Though I don’t know if this is generally true. A girl I worked with was openly talking about breaking up with her boyfriend, and going out with a guy who hit on her who had a motorcycle shop simply because he boyfriend couldn’t find a job. On the same coin, I had a friend who let his girlfriend live with him, paying all the bills, while she went to school, and was jobless. The latter is the way to go if you actually care…but girls who would do that are rare, and men like that are common – so far as my experience tells me.