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xXHankXx asks: "I'm not in school but I was recently and am saving money to return. I don't make much money and I don't have a rich family (well off and comfortable but not rich, I pay for my own school), so I'm pretty much stuck with them, unless I want to give up my educational and career dreams.

I consider myself to be independent in my endeavors but when it comes to a place to live I don't really have much of a choice.

Would a girl of the same age or older take that as a turn off at all or is it sort of trivial? I know I wouldn't care if the person I was interested in lived with their parents but then I'm in that situation so I'm kind of biased."

So, what do you think? Does Hank living with his parents make him a less desirable date?

Comments
February 22, 2008 at 9:15 am
(1) gina says:

Any girl worth your time would understand your dilemma. Of course, this is not necessarily something you need to bring up when first meeting someone. Some girls can be very judgemental & shallow when it comes to things of this nature. So, your best bet would be to let them get to know you a little first. Then explain that you are currently in college pursuing your dreams & future career path. Your family is unable to foot the huge tuition bills (which most normal parents can’t) and because of this you are living at home while paying your way. If a woman can’t respect this she is DEFINITELY not worth your time. Good luck with everything. I personally think it’s very admirable. Dream Big!

February 22, 2008 at 11:09 am
(2) Amanda says:

It doesn’t say anywhere how old he is. It’s one of those things that’s acceptable in your 20′s but not in your 30′s or beyond.

February 22, 2008 at 2:51 pm
(3) Aim says:

I certainly would hope that people are not that shallow. I, for one, am in the same type of situation, however slightly different circumstances, BUT, I just want people to be aware that not all of us young adults living at home are losers that sit in the basement playing video games and living off our parents! Don’t judge someone until you know their whole situation, because I know there’s a certain stigma attached to living at home.

February 22, 2008 at 4:35 pm
(4) Bonny says:

I too would agree that living with your parents shouldn’t be a stigma anymore, although there does come a time when you have to branch out on your own. Still, Stats Canada and the US government’s recent census figures show that youngsters are living at home much longer than the generation before them, so it’s more common than I think many people of the older generations realize.

February 22, 2008 at 9:03 pm
(5) Laura says:

As long as you have a job and are working towards career goals (AKA there’s a good, non-loser reason you still live at home) you’re all set. I have neighbors in their 30′s who are far from losers and are still living at home!

February 23, 2008 at 10:28 am
(6) dave says:

do you have a paper route too? get off your butt and get a job dude, why worry about dating and finding your true love(what a joke) when you can’t even support yourself.

April 29, 2011 at 10:05 pm
(7) Albert says:

Dave, you are narrow-minded and insensitive, to say the least. I am disabled and, because I have not been able to solve all my independence problems (all of them physical), still live with my parents although I am in my 50′s. I am also currently unemployed (that is, I do things that you could call “work”, but I don’t get paid for them, and even if I did, it’s doubtful I could make a living doing them.

I am about to experience a huge change which involves living in my own apartment adjoining my parents, and I will enter a situation which involves meeting an interacting with a lot more people than I used to. Hopefully, this might lead to dates and maybe a relationship. So I wouldn’t even think of giving the advice you gave. There are situations in which living with others and being unemployed are unavoidable, and I don’t intend to let them stop me from having a social life.

February 23, 2008 at 8:53 pm
(8) Summer says:

Although I agree that a really great girl could think about your living situation as a temporary need, it’s also a girl’s job to be cautious. Women too often fall in love with a man’s potential only to find out that the Oscar winning actor, rap artist, or even soccer coach that she thought lived inside of her man was just a faint dream. That is not to say that men don’t live up to their potential, but it is to say that it’s not anyone’s responsibility to wait for you to live up to yours. My advice about love to my friends is usually a philosophy that life is like a journey and most adult relationships do best when you meet someone on the same path as you. So if you’re just finding your way, a really established person might not have much in common with you. Just like if you are really settled, a girl who is just discovering independence might not be right for you. Now surely people from different spots on the “life path” can make love work but I’m suggesting you don’t take the rejection too personally.

February 25, 2008 at 1:19 am
(9) filipina pen pal says:

hmmm I’m a filipina and in my own opinion. It doesn’t bother me at all. In our country. Kids live with their parents till they got married. So it’s not a big deal.

February 28, 2008 at 3:05 pm
(10) Emmioa says:

I don’t think there is anything wrong with your situation. You’re getting college education, and that means a lot. You also plan on going back to school. You have goals, and that is admirable. What you’re doing is actually smart. Instead of racking up credit card debt and focusing on a job (and overworking), you are focused on a bigger goal that just getting your own place. True, it might be a little annoying to a girl who wants to come over and spend time with you, but someone who truly understands, respects, and appreciates what you are doing will stick with you. At least you’re not complacent and have no plans whatsoever for ever leaving your parents’ house and you are headed somewhere.

February 29, 2008 at 4:23 pm
(11) Laura says:

I totally agree that it is an age thing. 20′s is fine…30′s I really don’t think it’s a good thing. I agree that it’s good to try to better yourself, but when a man lives with his parents alot of times they tend to get in the middle of his personal life. Been there done that!

March 2, 2008 at 2:34 am
(12) Glamour Girl says:

This is going to sound cliched, but if she doesn’t understand your situation then she just aint worth it…

March 2, 2008 at 2:35 am
(13) Lauren says:

I live with my parents and I see nothing wrong with living with your parents until you can afford a place of your own. I know a guy who lived with his parents into his 30′s and he found a woman he fell in love with, got married, and they obviously live together now. Age has nothing to do with living with your parents.

March 2, 2008 at 2:52 am
(14) Des says:

Dave you are not my hero.Your father should have left you as a stain on the sheets.

March 3, 2008 at 5:16 pm
(15) Michie says:

Sweetie, the fact that you even have to ask if its ok leads me to think you’re old enough to have moved out. Kids that are in college still live at home a lot and its to be expected. but i get the impression that either you’re trying to date out of your ‘price range’ with someone who is out on thier own and settled financially or you are old enough to be out but arent. And i have to say, Dave is right. Worry about your job/future for now and get a place of your own. -this is coming from a woman who did live with her’rents longer than she should have but got her act together and is a loser no more. (that is to say-i been there, honey!)

March 7, 2008 at 8:26 am
(16) AP says:

Man it does depend on your situtation, for example my parents were recently left unemployed and I had to help support them, we barley made it, who’s gonna tell me i ain’t a man(25 yrs old), whoever would say that ain’t no real person, they couldn’t do what i do, so yea don’t judge just realize your lucky not to be born in that situation. I got a 3.5 gpa in college, paid my first 3 years, worked 2 jobs and still went to school on 2 hrs of sleep. But then again, that doesn’t matter to some who are just looking for a meal ticket who want to be lazy and immature w/ a sugar daddy. Women wonder why a guy who makes a lot of money in his 30′s could still be single, these men realize 90% of these women would be a waste of his time. Think about it women complain about men cheating, not meaning what they say, etc. and its true, good men are those who can rise above these insticts, but at the same point women have to realize their basic instincts are just as savage, they wish to have somebody take care of them, well they have an easy life, thats why deep down its all about control for women, they want to secure their man as a base for their convienent lifestyle and make sure he can never leave, he becomes so dependent on the woman. Now, I know if anybody reads this they will curse me out, and women do have a good reason to be this way, it takes a lot of time and effort, money to raise a child, and they want somebody who will stick with them and offer security, its totally natural and reasonable, my only point is that women need to realize their emotions do not hold the answers, and that just like men, their are basic instincts that drive them as well, and its important for women to recognize this and rise above it, rather than wallow in insecurity and expect a man to be the solve-all, its a flat out stupid assertion.

March 17, 2008 at 4:36 am
(17) Amanda says:

I would not date a guy living at home.. unless he has a good reason, which you do. I don’t think it’s shallow to think this way, I’m young single mother who paid her way through collge and plans on going back soon. I wouldn’t date someone who is sitting at home with his parents for no reason. The fact that your in between school is admirable. But, don’t hide it from the girl, she might think something is up.

June 24, 2008 at 2:22 pm
(18) Rob says:

Independence does not solely mean where you live. If you are capable, you are capable no matter what your situation is, and where you live.

If you are not capable, you can live out and be “independant” while be broke and drink your own tears to bed.

A woman should be mature enough to understand the reason why you are with your parents. Some parents require help around the house because they are old. Some parents require financial assistance.

Offer to pay your share of the bill, utilities, etc. You are then truely independant if you can pay your share. Then when it is time to move out, you will know what to do.

Do not get discouraged when women give you grief about these kind of things.

A capable man is capable whether he is up high in a tower or sinking in a sewer. It’s YOU that really matter.

September 6, 2008 at 10:31 pm
(19) Veronica says:

One guy who really like me a lot and he want to be relationship with me. The problem is, he have no job, he is 36 y ears old, and he is living with his parent their house more than 10 years. How does it feel like, uh? What can I do with him?

September 9, 2008 at 8:20 am
(20) Penny says:

A grown man living with his parents is a MAJOR turn-off.

I take care of myself, and I expect the same of anyone I date, regardless of the circumstances. There are too many fish in the sea for me to compromise my standards on this or any other issue.

If he’s that great a guy, maybe I will run into him again after he grows into his big-boy pants.

June 22, 2011 at 5:35 pm
(21) Albert says:

Perhaps you have not taken into consideration the fact that a man who lives with his parents is disabled and may need some assistance. Or is that another “major turn-off”?

Don’t generalize before you speak, and don’t be so intolerant. There may be exceptions to your strict standards.

November 5, 2008 at 12:46 am
(22) Quit Judging says:

Sometimes people put their family first. All these people who slam others for their choice of lifestyle. Not all are losers. If you live in a home that you can’t afford have a crap FICO score and credit card debt beyond belief. I would be careful who you would judge. Life does not throw everyone the same situations in life. Sometimes people make sacrafices in life even when it’s hard being judged by everyone else.

January 9, 2009 at 11:38 am
(23) Daniel says:

I’m a 43 year old guy. I had my homeless mother move in with me when I was 26. That was the end to any normal social life I had because most woman think your a loser if you live with one of your parents. No matter what the situation.

January 9, 2009 at 7:54 pm
(24) em says:

I just was on a date with a 29 yr old who still lives at home and i’m not bothered. He is building a house to sell at the moment and then buying his own place later in the year. As long as its not ur life plan to live with ur parents and its for a good reason i wouldnt have a problem

March 25, 2009 at 4:39 pm
(25) dont do it says:

If he lives at home with his parents – run the opposite direction. I can understand if it is a ‘temporary’ situation or if the parents are ill and require assistance. Acceptable, the following is not. I had a friend that is 37 and he never left his parents house. Ever. His parents paid for his schooling and he has never ventured out on his own. He has no real world experience and has never been responsible for anything – ever. He lives by his parents rules (never took a sick day because ‘his dad would get mad’). His mother still makes his lunches for work and has supper on the table at 430. I know for a fact he’s never used a washing machine – he’s 37 years old!!! Not sure if he’s ever had a real girlfriend. It is super hard to have a decent conversation about relationships/struggles/anything because he cannot relate. I may be describing the ultimate in the mamma’s boy syndrome but if this is what you want for your future, have at er!

August 19, 2009 at 11:58 pm
(26) Joe says:

How about this one. I live at home and definitely want to move out now. I’m 36. Great job as a teacher, great money, work two other jobs as well, but can make time to go out and socialize. Girl’s love my looks, athleticism, manners and sense of humour and how well I treat them. I’m an enigma though because everyone wonders why isn’t this guy married and a dad? He’s perfect(p.s. I”m great w kids too.)

I pay rent, I have since High School. I’ve dated girls all through life(but let alot of good ones go, because I thought I could do better), I’ve never been needy or insecure,quite the opposite, I’m a pretty confident and in a jokingly way “cocky” guy. I have money saved up for everything that would be needed to make a wife and family happy and secure. My only worry is, is it too late? I don’t want to lie about it. One parent was slightly ill and I hung around to help out and raise nieces and nephews that my mom(their grandma) babysat. They’re are wonderfully adjusted with all the positive attention and teaching they received, hence one benefit. Is it too late? Women can be very judgemental, is there a non judgemental hotties for me? lol Any responses ladies?

October 12, 2009 at 11:44 pm
(27) Damon says:

What about my situation? I’m 29 and just recently moved back in. I’ve been on my own since I was 17. I just got out of an eight year relationship. We were engaged and ready. At least I was. I’ve always had a good job but now life has thrown be a curve ball. No woman and no job. I’m going back to school and live off what I had saved for the wedding. Only thing is school will take years. I’m embarresed to be home and don’t know how I would ever explain my situation to a potential mate. Will I ever find before 35?

October 13, 2009 at 12:57 am
(28) Joseph says:

I’m 29 and still live at home. In all honesty, most people don’t take advantage of any potential resource because they are stupid. I worked through multiple higher degrees using the security of a stable house and study area. Sharing bills has allowed me to live a nice life that is above my means. Smart choices have also allowed me to achieve around $200k net worth on my own. I even own a house that I don’t live in.

Are families really that bad? I love my family. Even if I had millions of dollars in worth, I would want them with me. Sure, you need your own space… that is it though. My friends and I have always leaned toward communal living. We have talked about setting up some land and all sharing it. So, it goes beyond even family connections. I think some people just have social instability. They can’t exist in a group setting very well.

I have been happily engaged for a while, but I always laughed at girls who judged guys for living at home. They were always dating some loser who was piling up debt that would last decades to come. Most of the time, those guys had reached a peak in their life. The $20-40k they thought was enough in the modern world usually turns out to be the end of the line in their social progress. In a lot of cases, that stability isn’t even long lasting. Those guys hit tough patches and often move further back down the ladder.

It isn’t easy. You get a lot of grief. My relationship even suffers some stress because it feels like it has been on pause a while now. In a decade, when my worth is up over a million, I will still be living with other people. I might even move in my wife’s mother. It will be about time to start taking care of them. About that time, all of the other guys will be showing up asking for loans or help (like they already do now). I will remember that they had their time and already reaped their rewards. Either way, you hit 30 with money and the whole picture changes. It takes until about 30 for girls to realize what debt is and who actual has worth rather than loans.

October 17, 2009 at 5:52 am
(29) Adpaul says:

Well, I think there’s nothing wrong with still living at home with your parents.

Take my fiance’s case for instance. He’s 30, has a stable job, his own house, but still lives with his parents so he can rent out his property.

When we met and started dating he explained to me his situation, and I found it acceptable. Still do.

Now we’ve just purchased another investment property together, are getting married end of this year, and moving into the home that he had rented out previously.

So just because a guy who’s entering his 30′s is still living with his parents doesn’t mean he’s an unemployed good-for-nothing. It depends on the situation, so girls, don’t judge.

And as joseph @#26 explains above, some guys can also choose to still live at home cos they want that family ties of living together, not because they are financially incapable.

October 22, 2009 at 10:22 pm
(30) maika says:

This is for Summer, and all the women who think like her.

Why are you being cautious if you have a career of your own, and are working towards something yourself? What are you afraid of? If this guy has dreams to be an actor, a person who actually loved him and not his possible dollar value would support him when his dream seemed to fall apart. Do you have no empathy? How many women want to be actresses, and their boyfriends support them?

My advice is, be careful of women like Summer. The are the worst type, simply because they justify their shallowness. Women don’t have to be cautious anymore, financially, since they should have a career themselves.

Women seem to be less likely to stick with a guy if his financial viability falls apart. Though I don’t know if this is generally true. A girl I worked with was openly talking about breaking up with her boyfriend, and going out with a guy who hit on her who had a motorcycle shop simply because he boyfriend couldn’t find a job. On the same coin, I had a friend who let his girlfriend live with him, paying all the bills, while she went to school, and was jobless. The latter is the way to go if you actually care…but girls who would do that are rare, and men like that are common – so far as my experience tells me.

December 1, 2009 at 8:45 pm
(31) jason johnson says:

why would you even care what a girl thinks about you. If she don’t like you living at home, let her go find somebody else. I don’t think people realize that our country is in an econonmic crisis. You do what you have to do to keep your head above water. Doesn’t matter what some other idiot thinks about ya. Nuff said!!!

December 4, 2009 at 11:34 am
(32) jim says:

I’ll be 26 in a month and I moved back in with my parents two years ago because I got laid off, girlfriend left me, and I was nearly broke. I went back to school and got a master’s degree but have been job-hopping and severely underemployed since moving back home. Here’s the deal: Took me a while to get over my ex, but even now that I emotionally stable and starting to get back on my feet financially, meeting women and dating is simple out of the question. I know the stereotypes of an older man living with his parents (I hope I am not one of those) and I also know that women generally feel that it is a huge turn-off. Bottom live is – I am embarrassed that I had move back home, embarrassed to tell anyone that I had to, and unwilling to try to meet anyone or start a serious relationship with a woman until I have moved out. I have turned down women that approach me and stopped myself from asking women out even if I like them. Just the way it is.

December 11, 2009 at 2:03 am
(33) Brian says:

I really want to date as well. I’m personally self conscious about living at home. I have a degree and I have a professional license. I had lost my apartment and I’m 39 embarrassed I had to move back home. The jobs are tough to find right now. I’m networking trying making an effort to get a job, but it’s this stigma, funk, or whatever you call it thats out there. At this point, I wouldn’t blame women for rejecting men. I would ask her out and tell her the situation. Be friends. I want my own home and I don’t want to throw my hard earned money away to rent. I have goals as well. I’m in a situation that I don’t want to be in right now, but it is what it is !

Most women can’t afford to have another jobless guy around. If you had a woman you were seeing and all you do is pay for everything. Wouldn’t you think that she would be using you ? To some extent ?

That is why they have Gentleman’s clubs !! Yes, gentleman’s clubs. For us guys having hard times, there is always a release at the “Gentleman’s Club!”

Just kidding. I’m trying to bring a sence of humor here to break the ice.

I feel, irregardless, that she, or he needs to be friends first. I mean, know each others strong points and exercise them. Friends usually help each other when times are tough. Don’t they ? Then they love you when you have faults, or in a tough situation. There has to be a trust in the relationship. Commonality. If you really, genuinely, in your heart, want him/her, then you do what it takes to make it work, because you want to be with him, or her. No matter what. You can’t see yourself without him/her. You see, a relationship has to start somewhere. If it was a woman I wanted to be with and she wanted me, then there would be no question. If she/he really loved me, or cared about me, then she/he would help, or suggest new networks, jobs. There has to be more than sex,or money. If you don’t have a solid foundation for a relationship, then both parties will not last long at all.
There is a famous golfer having problems and that fidelity didn’t work out to well. They both have plenty of money. Obviously, he thought he could do better. Money will do that to you, because you have more options…Unless there is a solid foundation in the relationship. Why waste your time?

December 18, 2009 at 1:05 am
(34) Chris says:

Everyone seems to mistake the idea that to be a man means to live on your own with your own goals. This is so far from the truth. To be a man means to follow through on your responsibilities, this is all. There is honor in folowing through on the work that you have been given to complete in life. However we must relize that in order to fully do this there must be room for bettering ourselves and our lives. This does not mean living on your own nessarilly. But it does mean reaching out to new goals completing them and improving your life. This is everyones responsibilty in some way or another. Males who don’t do this are just little boys the same with females who end up just being little girls stuck in the past and not getting older even after many years…

December 24, 2009 at 6:24 pm
(35) Lena says:

I am 27 and living with my parents. Have never even had so much as a boyfriend cause I am painfully shy with guys I like, and hurt easily. Tried to go on blind dates, eharmony, but they didn’t work out. Maybe Im just not meant for marriage.
Anyways thanks for posting cause I at least feel better about living with my parents knowing others are.

January 1, 2010 at 8:06 pm
(36) Ann says:

I have been going out with a guy a few months who is 41 and except for going to a 4 year college away (while still technically living at home) he has been living at home his whole life. I’ve been on my own since I was 22. Before we went out the first time he lied to me and said he had his own apartment. He has been very nice though. Last night he didn’t even try to hug or kiss me at New Year’s (or hasn’t at all!) (even though I’m pretty sure at the time I probably didn’t give him the go ahead signals anyways!). This guy is very immature I think, lacks confidence and courage. He is the youngest child.

January 11, 2010 at 7:38 pm
(37) Nate says:

I wasn’t going to comment until I saw jason johnson’s post. That’s what’s up Jason!! I agree 100%.

I’m 27. Graduated in July of 2009 in Nashville. Unsuprisingly in todays economy I found no work in my field. The economy is so bad I couldn’t even find anyone hiring for a pizza delivery guy.

I moved back in with my parents in October. I become depressed a lot thinking about it, but I am very blessed to have such a great family. I’m single and rarely go out. In todays society most women won’t give you the time of day if you don’t have a good paying job, let a lone un-employed and living with your parents. But you know what, I can’t help it. I apply for jobs daily. The job market is a frickin joke. So like you Jason, I don’t care about what some idiot thinks of me. I’d never want to befriend that type of person anyway. Major Props jason johnson! You speak the truth!

February 5, 2010 at 4:13 am
(38) Joey says:

Hang in there Nate….you’ll find somethin soon enough. I’m 25, with a decent paying job, and still living at home. I do it for the sole reason of saving up money. Sometimes it isn’t as convientient living at home, but if a girl doesn’t understand the reasons she’s not worth it.

February 12, 2010 at 7:02 am
(39) Will says:

I’m a 21 year old recent graudate but can’t find any area of work in my field so instead of going unemployed.
I work day and night on 2 part-time jobs.
Still live with parents no car.
Would girl’s considering dating this person or would this be a major turn off?

February 26, 2010 at 12:48 am
(40) Sammie says:

Come to asia, everyone lives with their parents till they get married (at least) and some still do with their spouses after they’re married. Sure there are some who move out early on in their lives, but that is rare.

I understand the differences in culture in the US, however, many people actually still live with their parents, they just keep it a secret. Nothing wrong, shouldn’t affect who you are AT ALL. I mean you could still live alone but still be completely irresponsible or live at home but be very responsible. That’s the way it works! It’s just overated this living alone thing!

March 10, 2010 at 8:04 am
(41) ant says:

I dont think there is anything wrong with living at home with your parents at any age.i personaly would not judge anyone,I my self am 41 i live at home not by choice but due to curcumstances.i am saving for a deposite for my own place but have had to put my life on hold .in my 20s i suffered with depression and i wasnt in a good place then when i recovered i hit my 30s my dad had cancer so i stayed at home to help my mom look after him and help towards the bills,when he died i stayed to help my mom finacialy,I want my own place of course house prices have risen and it get harder to get on the property ladder but staying at home helps me save,i am fully independant i live my own life and i pay to wards all the bills i look forward to buying my first home ,people shouldnt judge some of us put others first and not all of us are delt the same cards in life,

July 30, 2010 at 2:52 pm
(42) Rich woman hunter says:

I donít think so. If there are really reasons for staying at your parentsí house then its fine but if the reason is that you cant get away from your parents then that is biased. Do you know that rich woman like younger men that are much more like a baby to them? They will care for you even though when it comes to financial. Why donít you try to date a rich old woman? Thatís only a suggestion because a friend of mine has been dating like that for 1 month and he is now living in his own apartment. So think about that.

September 5, 2010 at 12:24 am
(43) Still at home. says:

Im 26 and I have never moved out of my parents house. I want to get out but, I honestly dont know where to start. My friends and I would always talk about living together but that never happened. Ive gone to school and I am considering going back. Only one of my parents are working. The other is jobsearching. My sister also lives at home as well and she is over 18. Money is very tight so i not only have to deal with my parents financial problems but my own as well. Sometimes I cant even pay my bills because Im stuck paying theirs. I still have to follow my parents and it is very embarassing, especially when I still have to ask them if I can take MY car, if i can go out and stay out until 4am at the latest. I cant stay the night at a guys house without getting into an arguement with my parents and they have the nerve to want grandchildren someday in the midst of all of their cock blocking!!! I dont have a problem dating a guy that lives with his parents because it is something that we have in common and it takes a lot of pressure away. Ive found that guys that live at home are more understanding and empathetic when it comes to things like this. Dont get me wrong, Ive had a few guys that still lived at home make fun of my lack of freedom and my parents controlling grip. I cant tell you how many disasters ive had in the past when a guy would be like ‘and your how old?’ ‘cant you make your own decisions?’ I am old enough to make my own decisions and I have unfortunately allowed myself to become so intimidated and ruled by my parents that Im scared to make a move. They have told me many times that If I was to move out, not to even think about moving back in!!!!! If I bring up the topic of moving out, they accuse me of just wanting to run away!! How backwards is that!?!

September 20, 2010 at 11:36 am
(44) louie says:

hey baby….dont sweat it…just turned 39 and going on .my 3rd year of living at home….saving for a place…..lost my job in jan 2006 now working for 1/3 of the $ i was making…..set ur goals and u will make them……if people look down on u cause u live at home f*** em i say

September 22, 2010 at 2:26 am
(45) Jeff says:

Take a look around. There aren’t jobs anywhere, and now college kids who are up their eyeballs in debt to pursue the American dream can’t even get a minimum wage job wiping the butts of the old people who created this ponzi scheme because they’re “overqualified”. Peak oil and financial meltdown are going to make multi-generational families the norm for the next thousand years.

October 20, 2010 at 9:15 pm
(46) Sevillano says:

I dont understand why so many people here and on the net, think this is a problem…. this seems to be the attitude in the USA, Canada and Northern European countres (Ango saxon)….these countires are well know to have wome of the worst family-oriantated, family life in the developed world….
Unless the sons or daughters are reckless and rude and in general bad to be around then i understand, but if they are good people then hows it a bad thing….in the UK for example the average first tme to buy a house is about 37, ten years older than their parents generation…and now the Univercity fees are in the tens of thousands…so how do you pay off that debt quickly?….

In the reast of the world multi-generaltional homes are the norm and isnt seen as a problem…because lots of people are the same…in Brazil most people only leave when they get married…..These countries are not wealthy but seem to have a much better family life situation…teenage pregnancy rates are less there than in the USA….that tells you that the US has a major family break-down.

Many kids after leaving come back, this is getting more common……and who are these “special women” that think they are so above the guy?.. not very understanding are they, and they cant be the special otherwise they wouldnt be single themselves..
Not all families are the same around the world…try a worldwide perspective for a change..

February 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm
(47) MAC says:

I think it’s really easy for some people to judge others in this situation.
Who out there knows someone or has friends who have been left money by relatives or financially assisted by their parents. That never gets attention, or recognized. No criticisms are really made. It’s just assumed they made it on their own,

I call BS.

Maybe in some cases people do, but how would some of those people deal not having that support. Maybe they would find themselves having to move back home since they couldn’t manage the cost of living, then they might be singing a different tune.

I’ve been on online dating websites and seen women saying it all the time, DEALBREAKERS – LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS. Obviously she dated someone in the past who NEVER moved out, did drugs, played video games, never paid rent, couldn’t do his own laundry and slept in everyday until noon. He may or may not have children.

Sad thing is she could be missing out on someone great, who has always worked hard, is responsible, has goals, a job, can cook, do laundry, getting further education and is smart. He also moved back home because he cannot afford the cost of living in 2011.

I say, her loss.

April 18, 2011 at 10:51 am
(48) Mike says:

I stumbled across this thread, which looks kinda dead, but I’ll post anyway even if it’s just for my own benefit.

At 36 I moved back in with my parents when I left a job due to stress. At that time, I was applying for various “career” jobs and was selected for a very good federal position. Unfortunately, 1.5 years later that job STILL hasn’t started due to financial issues at the fed level. In the meantime, I’m working 2 part-time jobs (one could lead to a new career) AND I have a registered/insured landscaping business. It’s funny that people mention video games since I actually enjoy playing some of the games in my spare time! ha!

I live w/ my parents in a small town and I find it very hard to meet/find women here that I’m actually attracted to. I’m very athletic, have a MS degree, and play classical guitar, so I think women find me interesting general – at least historically. I tried online dating, and have had initial conversations with maybe half a dozen women, but when I reveal that I’m currently living with my parents, that’s the end of it – I don’t hear from them again. I feel like it’s easy for women to interpret “living temporarily at home, but with an obvious plan” as “indefinite loser”. It seems (right or wrong) that, in general, women want to see significant financial stability in order to be interested… but maybe my view is skewed because I live in a small MI town, and the online “scene” is not the best sample of the female population?

May 22, 2011 at 1:54 am
(49) Mike says:

I believe it is no ones business why adult children are living with their parents. The only reason why some people make a big deal about living at home is because they are jealous of a person’s living situation.

Living with your parents does not mean an adult child is unable to be independent and self-supportive. Unless that adult child chooses not to make anything of his or her life. I had two cousins living at home well in their 40′s before moving out on their own, and another cousin who is in his 40′s that is still living with his mother. So, I do not understand why some people are making a big deal out it? Get a life! People who spend too much time criticizing other people’s living situation must not have better things to do with their time.

June 22, 2011 at 5:31 pm
(50) Albert says:

Is this thread still active?

August 2, 2011 at 10:49 pm
(51) CrazyInLove says:

I think the only ones defending a guy who still lives at home is THAT GUY or some desparate woman who can’t do better. Sure age and circumstances play a part, but other than that, if you’re over a certain age you need to grow up and have your own. Your arguments sound good in theory, but I would like to meet the woman that doesn’t have a problem with spending every weekend (if not longer) at her place. I’ve been there personally and listened to dumb advice like don’t be so shallow, but here’s how it turns out. After you fall madly in love, he’s spending 3/4 nights at your place that you’re paying over a 1000 bucks to live for rent only, eating YOUR food, messing up YOUR place and YOU”RE cleaning up after him, showering, washing his clothes with YOUR washer and dryer, working out at YOUR apartment gym, surfing the internet all day on YOUR computer…and barely contributing a dime and if YOU mention money (because trust me he won’t)…oh but then YOU’RE a gold digger. It’s not fair when you’re an adult to be a burden on anyone and that’s not how you “prove” you love someone. If he truly loves you, he’ll get his situation together and then come back and give the relationship a fair shot where both parties are giving their all and no one is feeling slighted.

August 3, 2011 at 3:27 am
(52) Nathan says:

Human beings who are idlers in life or who after retiring live their lives in such a way that they only indulge in idleness, view life in the wrong way and view old age as a big battle and as a massacre. That, however, has nothing to do with reality because this attitude arises solely from the incorrect way in which these human beings lead their lives. Truly life is neither a battle nor a massacre, but a joy and a path of progress and development. Still all those who complain about life and their situation etc., be it in regards to a lack of health, missing or inadequate interpersonal relationships, lack of money and so on, form their own lives, their prevailing situation, their behaviour, their work or their idleness, since every single person is the master of his or her own destiny. Thus, if they suffer, then they create their suffering themselves, their financial debts, their quarrels with other persons, with their partner, a friend, acquaintance or any other fellow human being. And if they are sick, then it is also their own attitude and their behaviour which determines how they face their sickness, either suffering, grouchy, snivelling, self-pitying Ė or brave, patient, with a good sense of healing and progress etc.

http://theyfly.com/spiritual/Human%20Beings%20Without%20Work.html

January 2, 2012 at 2:47 am
(53) broken hands says:

well im another man who lives with his mother im 34 and for 30 years of my life ive lived in the house i grew up in and i hate it but nothing was ever handed to me like a lot of other people ive seen in the beginning i stayed because my mother was suicidal and i would have to watch out for her when she get depressed ive worked full time since i was 17 all hard labor jobs im now an independent truck driver i have a home but i rent it out for the last three years since the economy went to s*** ive been threw more shit and made real hard choices and you could say ive lived a life of disappointments so now hear i em 34 truck driver living at home with my mother who is soon not going to be able to make a living with no retirement and theres nothing more i want to do than to get the hell out of this house but i know im going to have to take care of my mother like i always have since having a relationship is out of the ? since women are so selfish and judgmental so to answer your ? hank yes its a turn off i dont care what any women says hank because women say all kinds of things to them your not a real man unless you have your own place paid for by your self or your parents paying for it with a second mortgage stupid as it sounds thats how it is its not what you got its where your at hank so get a spot and get some or just lie until they find out and get another one but the trick is to always have another one lined up so you dont go dry hank you dont wanna live like me going to hotels and gambling and risking catching stds cuz your drunk and you dont wear a condom hank you can have something meaningful for real

January 6, 2012 at 1:10 pm
(54) Stacy says:

If the person is mooching, total turn off!
I feel that women think a man who still lives at home is looking for a woman to support him.
The only people I want to support will have to come OUT of my vagina, and then for only 20 years thereafter, max.

June 14, 2012 at 5:25 pm
(55) Elise Renee Gingerich says:

I Just Had My 40th Birthday On May 17th, And I’m Now Living Back With My Parents Again, Here In Greenville Texas, Where I Lived Before (Meaning I Lived Here In Greenville Texas Before, A Few Years Ago Also) Moving To Lawrence Kansas, From Greenville Texas, From Lawrence Kansas, From Greenville Texas, From Northern Iowa (I Lived In A Group Care Home In Northern Iowa MORE Than A Decade Ago) From Iowa City Iowa (My Home Town Of Iowa City Iowa, Where I’m Originally From, Before Moving To Northern Iowa, To A Town Called Mason City Iowa, I Think The Town In Northern Iowa, Was Called Mason City Iowa Anyways) And So On And So On. And Like I Said Before, I Just Turned 40 On May 17th Or Whatever, And Now I’m Living With My Parents, Again, After MANY Years Of NOT Living With My Parents, And They Are Making Me Crazy, And I’m Making Them Crazy! (I’m Making Them Crazy, They’re Making Me Crazy, Whatever!) This Has Totally (Killed) My Horny Drive (Just An Example,For Example, Is That Moving Back In With My Parents Here In Greenville Texas, Again, Has (Killed) Off My Horny Drive, For Example….) And I Now Don’t Have A Garbage Dumpster Of My Own (My Parents Live Way Outside The City Limits Of Greenville Texas Uhg!) I Cannot Run Around In My Skivvies Even! (You Get The Picture Here People! I Can No Longer Run Around In My Skivvies Like I Was Just Doing In My Own Apartment Less Than One Month Ago, And There’s No Garbage Dumpster To Use, Like There Was, At The Apartment I Just Moved Out Of Less Than One Month Ago, Because My Parents Live Way Outside Of The Greenville Texas City Limits, And It’s Making Me Go Bats, I’m Going Bats Out Here, Uhg!) And I Don’t Really Have A Bathroom Or Bedroom (Not Really A Bedroom Or A Bathroom Of My Own Now Either!) Of My Own Either All Of A Sudden Now Either! :( Weep, I Just Want To Move Back Out Now, I Just Suddenly Want To Move Back Out Now, Weep! :(

June 21, 2012 at 12:33 pm
(56) collated says:

Well, my situation is that I live with my mom because we found that living arrangement to be the most do-able, because I also have to take care of things for her because she is somewhat immobile and can’t get around.

She would be sort of trapped in her own house if there wasn’t someone around to help here, and none of my mom’s other worthless relatives are willing to make room in their lives for her.

Even with this situation though, women are still really turned off big time. I don’t know that’s it’s necessarily that they are shallow, but they aren’t very understanding, that’s for sure.

September 12, 2012 at 2:33 pm
(57) Keephopealive says:

If a female wouldn’t date me because of living with my parents, and we met in the future, and I was then doing well (financially well off) and she was interested. I would tell her to have a nice day and then ignore her. That’s like a guy telling a chick,”hey babe, I’ll get with you when you lose 50lbs.”
Till then you are a major turn-off.

September 13, 2012 at 2:06 am
(58) Failed@life says:

Hi Hank,
Just say stick to a growth market career goal, keep your credit, and work history good. My personal experience has brought me down the wrong path of lots of mistakes and poor decisions. You don’t want to screw up your future by doing the wrong things now. I followed my passion, then realized technology made everyone an expert for my trade. I’ve been out of college going on 7 years. I couldn’t find a decent job w/ benefits, went into independent contact work, that’s basically unemployed. At 31 I found myself moving back in with my dad after being away at college for 8 years. No, I’m not a doctor either! It’s a hard reality to realize failure is an option, it’s even harder to climb out of the rut I’ve dug myself into, due to my bad decisions. As for dating, hahaha… I’ve heard legends about that, but I’ve never been, most girls i meet run hard and fast. Can’t blame them a bit, I was just searching online for the most dignified form of suicide. One day after my parents pass away, i imagine that will be my fate, but not until then. It’s hard coming to the fruition of being 100% bonafide loser, it doesn’t feel good knowing I never made my parents proud. I wish you all the best, Take care.

September 14, 2012 at 11:01 pm
(59) Phil says:

I too am @home with mum and it has come between my relationships and confidence. I am 32 and i believe now that to be a man i need to move out at all costs . i know that this will create discomfort for my mother however i cant suffocate any longer

September 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm
(60) Phill says:

for you the day they die will be the greatest day of your sad life period

September 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm
(61) Crista says:

All things being equal, I would much rather date a guy living at home and going to college than living on his own and waiting tables. There’s nothing sexier on a man than an education.

October 26, 2012 at 2:50 pm
(62) Di says:

I found this thread really interesting. I’m 28 (today) and just recently moved back in with my Dad and step Mom and can’t decide if I’m embarrassed or ok with my “return home”. I got married young at 21, divorced at 23 and continued living on my own for five years after my divorce. In October of 2011 I moved in with my boyfriend of 6 months; three months later he admitted he was an alcoholic, six months later he’s in and out of rehab. Needless to say, I was paying all the bills. And I mean, ALL THE BILLS; rent, food, electricity. I knew where all the food banks were in my community. :)
In the past, I tried to continue school while working 40+ hours and it didn’t work once I started my Junior year due to too much stress. I want to finish school and I feel like moving in with my Dad is going to allow me to accomplish that goal. I wanted to let guys out there know that there are women out there who are in your same situation. I do laundry, cook and clean for my family, attend school, work and have goals of not living at home forever. And, btw, I don’t think all men are alcoholics; I’m aware I made a bad decision moving in with someone I had been dating for less than a year.

November 9, 2012 at 3:41 am
(63) Borzoibob says:

I had a marriage of just over 2 years that ended in losing my wife and daughter to a drunk driver when I was 22 and moved back home at 25. No women seemed to be able to accept my circumstances, despite having a good job. I got sick of the refrain “If you live at home, please move on” At 39 years old, I travelled to Eastern Europe – Czech Republic, and Ukraine. I am now 41, married to a 29 year old woman by the name of Larissa that I met in Zolochiv, Ukraine. For me the greatest challenge was her limited knowledge of english, and motivating myself to learn Ukrainian.

For all you guys out there – if a woman judges you solely on your living arrangements – she’s not worth your time, she’ll probably end up being a hell of a gold digger, or a high maintenance prima donna. Go international – there are a lot of beautiful women waiting to be had in other countries like Ukraine, Czech Republic, Romania, Hungary, Moldova, Mexico, Brazil, Argentina, Phillipines… For them it’s not about money, it’s about love and be loved. Just stay away from the bigger cities like Kiev, Prague, and Moscow and stick to smaller cities and villages, and be prepared to learn a new language.

November 20, 2012 at 10:49 pm
(64) Jaykayelle says:

I live on my own. I have been living on my own since 21 (I’m a 29yr old female). For a year, I’ve been dating a 42yr old lady that moved back in with her parents a few years ago. She has a Masters Degree and is a Owner of a small company (that as of now, is failing). When I met her, she didn’t tell me that she lived at home, and drove her parents car (she doesn’t have one). Her parents aren’t sick and are very active. She’s just.. there. Her bedroom is right next door to theirs. All of her brothers and sisters live elsewhere. She has stated to me that she has never held a relationship anything over 3 years.
In the beginning, I really tried to be biased of her “situation”, but its becoming more and more shady… she claims that she can’t afford to live on her own, but she takes me to dinner a lot and the bill is never less than $60.00. She is very careless with her money. Though it is not really my business what she does with her money, I find it odd that she’d rather blow it on food, rental cars and her next “business venture”, rather than obtain steady employment and work on a real future with me.

Bottom line, I believe that relationships have to be on an even plane. Maybe if I was living at home with my Mom, her situation wouldn’t be that big of a deal. I’ve lost my job and had to move home for 7 months, but I didn’t wallow in my feelings and give up. Now, I have a steady job (which I had to climb the ladder for 2 years to obtain!!) and struggle/save to maintain a decent life for myself, and my future. Its not about golddigging, but I realize that if a partner can’t offer me anything except for a night in her parent’s basement, its not worth the long haul.

December 29, 2012 at 8:07 pm
(65) Asian says:

Living with your parents until you get married is pretty acceptable in Chinese culture. Singles who move out of their parents’ usually do so because they leave town for jobs. What’s not acceptable is to not make the effort to buy/own your own home post marriage – home ownership is very much a pre-requisite for Chinese men who intend to marry and start families!

January 30, 2014 at 10:18 am
(66) James says:

I would say it depends on the circumstances (i.e. economic hardships, college student, etc…), but many potential wives/GF’s would see living with parents as a major turn-off if an economically well-off adult lived with parents by choice. It would be really awkward to get relationship to a point where you would be getting intimate, and to be forced to find a hotel or other location in order to avoid waking up parents. Even if you come from a culture that believes in no sex before marriage, being forced to spend time with parents and siblings every time you visit BF/GF would get annoying after awhile.

Being independent of parents is a sign of growing up, and it shows a potential spouse that you are not a Momma’s Boy/Daddy’s little girl incapable of living away from parents.

I speak from experience. I dated my wife while she still lived with parents in mid-20′s (she was broke college student). Almost broke up with her because of future in-law’s spying into our daily business. It almost got to the point where they established an un-official curfew and had to check in with them on regular basis (she got yelled at one time after coming home at 2 AM, and was expected to let them know every time she left house). We moved far away from this craziness after wedding , and don’t regret it one bit!!

February 8, 2014 at 1:41 am
(67) chris says:

Leaving the nest is part of the growing up process. It is part of your personal development.

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