What Do Teenage Boys Want in a Relationship?
Based on movies like American Pie, I'll hazard a guess that most people would immediately answer, "sex" to this question. Interestingly enough, a study published in the Journal of Adolescence undertaken by the State University of New York at Oswego found that eighty percent of the teen boys responding to the survey (all in grade ten, mostly 16 years old) said the prime motivator for starting a relationship was because they liked the person. Of course sexual attraction was a factor; it tied with wanting to get to know someone better as reason #2 for starting a relationship.
After taking a quick peek at the study results, I found that the researchers tried to cover their bases by asking other, related questions that had easily-found statistical references to use as touchstones - meaning they asked the boys questions that other studies had shown to be relatively stable (such as how many boys of this age are sexually active - approximately 40% in North America) to compare the answers with. If the "stable" statistics matched, then the probability that the answers to the questions about relationship motivations were accurate increased.
But you tell me: do you think today's teenage boys are more motivated by romance than sex to start a relationship?
Related Content: Relationship Motivations & Expectations
Comments
yo,
i’m a teenage boy and i have a girlfriend. sex was not one of my motivators to start a relationship. the main reason (for me at least) was to just love this beautiful, caring, nice girl that i know. so sex was not my motive in my relationship with my girlfriend.
well i think sex is definitely on a lot of teenage guys’ minds but i don’t think that they’re all obsessed with it. i mean, i think other things factor into a relationship too, for them, not just sexyness (although it is a relatively large factor).
My boyfriend has neva mentioned sex, he sed he likes me andd that we dont need a sexual relationship to make it perfect.
i think that sex is def on their minds trust me i have gone out with alot of guys and everyone except one of them all wanted to have sex with me.
There’s a girl at my school I like and sex is the LAST thing on my mind, I just like her. IS THAT SO WRONG?
Aaron, gosh no. I wasn’t trying to imply that it was wrong to like a girl for reasons other than sexual. All I was commenting upon were some of the societal stereotypes, which of course aren’t applicable to everyone (thankfully, in this case).
I live in washington, dc and the saying for boys here are “F*** B****** GET MONEY”…Because of this and before this saying most boys here have sex as being their motivation in a relationship. All boys here are not like that, it is really important that they know that they can get more out of a relationship besides sex.
i think all boys want is sex my boyfirend is aways trying to
im 14 and my boy is 16 yea he kinda trys & he talks bout every once in a while but he told me he dosnt care if we wait or if we do it now!! soo i got a sweet 1!! but its kinda harder cuz we live n da south soo theres hoes everywhere but no guys va mess wit em!
Aight I’m 14, almost 15, im a guy. I dont know i may be a lil too young for the age group but i dont think guys are sex-crazed at all. Guys always pick and choose carefully who they would/will have sex with…i kno personally im in no rush really, im just gonna kick it and wait for the right time yo
I’m in a relationship right now and the reason l like the girl cause she is fun to be around, extremely pretty,etc. Sex is probably the last thing on my mind.
Hey, well like i have been with my bf five months and we talked about things like this a few times. But he says that he respects me and my parents too much to try anything. Plus if i got pregnannt then what would we do because i can’t have an abortation or give it up for adoption. And he doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable. But i’m sure he thinks about and he calls me beautiful atleast once a day. I’m not saying that all guys are like him but most of the guys i know just want to let their gf know that they love her and wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.
i have a bf but he never mentiond sex in our relationship,he is so cute and handsome the problem is every girl in our school want him! theres this grl who always hugs my ex and my new bf!!!i hate annloraine sooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!my bf is maorisho
Well, there’s this guy that I’m pretty sure likes me, we’ve dated before. I’m not the most attractive girl, and I take things slowly. He knows that, so I think that if all he wanted was sex he’d go looking somewhere else. I don’t think all guys want is sex, just some perverted ones.
My boyfriend and i have been together for 7 months now and we think sex will happen in the moment if it’s meant to be. There’s no rush in planning it or anything.
I don’t think sex is the only thing on a guy’s mind. Sure there are the stereotypical maybe 20% who only want sex. I think that a guy wants satisfaction and love from a relationship, kind of the same thing girls want. Of all the couples I’ve seen, the guy is just as romantic as the girl, but maybe more masculine. I think guys can’t really help but to think of sex every once in a while, a sexual fantasy or whatever, but that doesn’t mean they only want sex out of a relationship. They want to love and be loved
It’s also a stereotype too that it;s always only boys that want sex. I want to wait ideally until I’m married but my girlfriend put a lot of pressure on me to have sex, and yes boys are not always ready either. We ended up breaking up because I was not about to sacrifice something of mine for her own selfish desires. Sorry Charlotte.
Well I have a b0yfriend and we d0 talk ab0ut sex,he t0ld me that I d0nt have 2 d0 anything if I dnt want t00..I mean sex is 0n my mind,because Im a gr0win teenager and I d0 wanna experience it s0meday..but im in n0 rush t0 d0 s0.
I’m 13 & my boyfriend is 15. There are some girls in my school, the same age as me, some younger, who are having sex. When I told my boyfriend about this he thought it was disgusting that someone so young would have sex. The new thing that seems to be coming into schools is that people gets taken the piss out of if you havn’t had sex, instead of having had kissed a guy/girl. Well, maybe that’s just my school. But really, me & my boyfriend both know that sex is for someone you really care about and love, and even though we really care about eachother and we really do love eachother, we’re both not ready & not mature enough to have sex or the consequences of it if you’re not safe about it. There’s a legal age for it & I don’t see why people can’t wait for that age at least.
okay i personally think that sex is for two married people, but thats just me. but i think if you’re going to have sex both of you should be on the same page and should be able to talk about it. if either the boy or the girl is worried about the other person just being in the relationship because of sex they deffinatlly aren’t ready to have it. but i’m friends with a lot of guy friends and i know that they talk about it A LOT, but i also know that when its just one on one talking to me, they’re just looking for a good girl, who’s gonna love and treat them well. i honestly think that the whole sex conversation in the hallways is just talk between guys who try to make everything a contest.
My name is Branden and I am 14 and a half years old. My girlfriend is Thirteen. I have to admit she is extremely beautiful, and intoxicating everyday. Before we started dating we got to know each other first in school and then outside of the premisis, we talked about what kind of careers we want to pursue when we are “older ,” and the types of vehicles as well. There was a time when sex came up and it was from her but I said when we are over 18 and we are still together then yes *maybe.* So not all guys think of sex it usually comes from the gals.
Branden DePoyster
Richmond, Virgina
I’m a tenth grader and I’ve liked this one girl who happens to be my friend since like the eight grade. Sex never even crossed my mind, nor is it one of the motives to why I like her. Honestly I think that she is very cute, and her voice only enhances that factor. Her personality and likes is just a simple matter that happens to appeal to the type of girls I like, due to the way I grew up. But that whole stereotype about all boys only wanting to have sex is obviously false since there are boys out there just wanting to have a relationship with a great girl.
Im a boy. Ive never had a relationship with a girl. Every day I have to see the most beautiful girl in the world in three of my classes. I start hating my life cause all I want to do is hold her hand but I cant. We hung out and I kissed her but the next day she said she doesnt want a serious relationship. She texts me almost every night at midnight. I dont know what she wants. I have never thought about sex as a motive. I just want to hold her hand. I cant stop thinking about her.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH SOME BOYS DO WANT SEX.IM NOT SAYING THAT ALL BOYS WANT IT BUT SOME THAT HAVE EXPERIENCES DO WANT TO EXPERIENCE IT AGAIN.FOR EXAMPLE MY BOYFRIEND HAS ONLY HAD SEX THREE TIMES BEFOR WE GOT TOGETHER THATS NOT A LOT BUT WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT AND HE SAYS THAT THERES NO RUSH BUT HE DOES WANT TO OD IT AGAIN. I TOLD HIM THAT I DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX OR LOOSE MY VIRGENITY ANY TIME SOON BECAUSE IM NOT READY.
HE WAS REALLY SWEET ABOUT IT AND SAID THAT EVERYTHING IS UP TO ME BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT THE ONE TO DO SOMETHING THAT I DONT WANT TO HAPPEN.
I think that most teens (guys included) today are starting to see the reality that sex is really reserved for a committed [marriage] relationship with a mate that you truly love and care about. Sex is much more than just a physical feeling, but it’s very emotional and should be done with someone you are truly committed to. Cheers to most of the people here posting the comments! You are on the right track when you say that you should focus on a RELATIONSHIP first not SEX. Finally, a new generation of teens not into themselves!
I think most ppl are right that guys don’t care about sex all the time. But i had a bf and we had only been going out 1 week, stupidly i thought we should go to the movies, we did but he started pushing me and feeling me up, it was wrong.
Okay, so I’m 14 and dated a guy for the first time a few months ago. He’s 13, and he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, not even ready to hold hands or kiss or anything. So I highly doubt he’s sex craved if he can barley even hold my hand right? I guess that proves it. We did get back together though, but took it SUPER slow.
As a matter of fact, I’m probably more sexual then my guy (13), and I’m a girl (14). Not that I’M sex craved, but you know the questions and fantasies sort of thing. I imagined doing “things” with him, imagined his “privates” and all that, and this still does cross my mind often. Every teen imagines this stuff, but that doesn’t mean they’re ready to do it, I know I’m not. And I also am pretty sure that this guy thinks of this stuff too, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to work up on me or anything.
Me and my guy (I’m 14 and he’s almost 14) have been dating for almost 6 months and the most we’ve done is lightly kiss and cuddle. We’ve talked about doing things though, and I think we probably will after being together a little longer, but we’d never take away each other’s virginity at our ages. By things we mean like fingering, making out, just letting each other see and maybe touch each others parts…stuff that can’t get you prego and that are good for curious teens when, and only when, they love each other. I love him with all my heart and trust him more then anyone else. From the moment I met him before I ever even considered dating him I could tell he was a trustworthy person, so I don’t see anything wrong with him touching, tickling and kissing me in naughtier places and him seeing me in less clothes. However, I’m defiantly NOT okay with having full-fledged sex.
I know exactly what you mean inLOVEandCURIOUS, and I totally agree. I’m 15 and my guy is 16, and we have a lot of sexual fun but are responsible about it. He’s not sex craved at all, and neither am I. We’ve been dating since we were 13 and 14 and we didn’t start doing things like that together until a year later, although sex wasn’t one of these things. It’s so satisfying and all, but not unless you REALLY love and trust each other. We started by my suggestion, cause we’d talked about it before and where we liked to touch ourselves through masturbation, but he never made the move, I did. He’s been proven not guilty for sex craved.
well me personally i think that is something that a teenage boy would consider ina relationship, especially when getting into high school and more in their sophmore year. Alot of boys may say certain things to make a girl believe that they dont need sex, don’t always believe it, but sometimes a boy really do mean when they say they dont want/need sex in their relationship. But as ive been told, a boy would practically say anything just to get into a girl’s pants. Boys out there, im not saying that ALL boys want it, its just a majority of them. Don’t take it in the way to mean that every single boy looks for that while having a girlfriend.
i think it is so extremely cool that most of the guys (and girls) commenting here are not obsessed with sex. my boyfriend is cool like that too.
I am a 13 year old boy going into 8th grade. It is disgusting that people my age that are already sexually active. It is gross, you are so young that is why there is a legal age for having sex why can’t they just wait..?! It ALSO DRIVES ME CRAZY THAT JUST BECAUSE I AM A BOY AND 13 I AM ASSUMED TO BE A BAD GUY AND ONLY WANT SEX IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I DON’T WANT SEX I AM YOUNG AND NOT READY. and not only boys think about sex but girls do to EVERY single teenager thinks or has thought about sex i mean look GIRLS have answered comments on here so that mean they think aobut it too and also WE are forced to think about sex because we see commercials for condoms on t.v and the internet so how could we not think about it.?! I JUST WISH PEOPLE WOULD REALISE THAT JUST BECAUSE I AM A BOY THAT DOSN’T MEAN I WANT SEX EXSPECIALLY PARENTS THAY ALWAYS PULL THIS CRAP ABOUT SAYING HONEY I WAS A TEENAGER ONCE AND I WANTED SEX I HAVE AN OLDER SISTER AND THAT IS ALL MY DAD SAYS TO HER!!!!!!!!!IT ISNT FAIR I MEAN I HAVE A NEIGHBER in 6th grade and i am goin to be goin into 8th grade her parents won’t even let her come inside my house unless my parents are home! she can’t even come inside my house to play wii even if my 20 year old brother and 17 year old sister is home!! IT ISN’T FAIRE THIS IS LIKE IN THE 60′S WHERE BLACKS WERE DISCRIMINATED, WELL BOYS ARE DISCRIMINATED AND SOME ARE COMPLETLY INNOCENT! sry about the caps but it just infuriates me that just because im a boy i am the bad guy!