Is It Ok To Occasionally Hit Your Girlfriend?
It's rare that a dating question riles me up, but today someone posted a question in the dating forums has me steamed.
I don't normally hit my girlfriend but when she starts bitching at me but I just can't stand it anymore. The woman just deserves a smack when I don't want to deal with her. How do I make my girlfriend stop nagging me?
I answered his question already with a standard "break up and get help" reply, but I think there is a greater issue and debate at stake here. Yes, the poster could just be a schmuck looking to rile me and the other dating forum members up, and it is unlikely that he actually smacks his girlfriend around when she annoys him. But - what if he does? Just the possibility will keep me up tonight.
And its entirely possible that he's serious. If I look at recent studies, dating violence is still a silent yet rampant destructive force in many dating relationships. One U.S. Department of Justice report stated that 20 out of every 1,000 women between the ages of 16-24 have experienced dating violence. Another posted in the Journal of Contemporary Justice showed 34% of all college students have experienced dating violence in a previous relationship, and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence contends that 71% of rape or sexual assault victims knew their offenders.
These statistics all hit close to home for me personally, as I too have also experienced dating violence first hand. Approximately five years ago, a man I met from a dating site followed me home unawares and forced himself on me. Luckily one of my upstairs roommates heard my cries for help and intervened before anything serious happened. My first serious relationship was also a physically abusive one, which pains me to this day since I'd always thought of myself as too smart to endure any dating violence whatsoever. By the time I realized I was in danger however I was trapped. I was able to extricate myself when several coworkers noticed my sudden behavioral change and called the police.
Because of my own personal experiences, I have to wonder how many victims of dating violence are suffering in silence. I know that anytime I've answered polls on this subject, I forget that I was once a victim myself, thereby underreporting and skewing the final results somewhat. How many others - men and women - have done the same? I can only imagine there are more men who are underreporting than women, considering the added shame involved.
So with this in mind, I will do everything in my power to determine if the dating forum poster is just pulling my chain or if he is actually a violent man who thinks "occasionally" hitting his girlfriend is okay when she nags him too much. But you tell me. What would you do?
Related Content:
- Dating Violence
- Textathon Raises Awareness to Reduce Dating Violence in Youth
- Anti-Violence Resource Guide
Sources:
U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics. (2001) Special Report Intimate Partner Violence and Age of Victim, 1993-1999. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office.
Dating Violence: Facts. Retrieved April 24, 2008 from http://www.ncadv.org/files/datingviolence.pdf
C. Sellers and M. Bromley. "Violent Behavior in College Student Dating Relationships," Journal of Contemporary Justice. (1996)
Comments
I say, that there is a truth behind the man beating up his boyfriend. We’ve got to ask, where did it come from? Did it start at home, with his father abusing his mother? Or was it from school while growing up? Or did he develop that because he couldn’t deal with his own anger internally? The only way to stop abuse, is to resolve the issue that came up during these incidents before. That’s the only natural, healthy way. Fara
Maybe I’m traditional, but I was raised to never hit a woman for the fact they are physically weaker than men. I don’t think it’s sexist to say that either (I’m only talking about physically weaker).
If a guy wants to push someone around, he perhaps should try taking a swing at another male. I guarantee you, a fist will be responded in kind.
I totally agree with you, Raymond!
What a pityful creature is unable to express what he thinks and feels verbally?
With that attitude towards women he can hardly be considered a civilized person; rather, he belongs into the zoo.
Tinytoon
The question should be, is it okay for your girlfriend to have someone beat you down twice daily every day for the rest of your life?
people, let’s be real. why is it okay for a woman to nag at you all day and not get hit. it is just like when your dog pees in your house, of course your going to smack it with a rolled up newspaper, so maybe the guy shouldn’t hit her with his fists maybe he should keep a rolled up newspaper around. How else is she going to learn to stop nagging him.
I think to be honest with you, that if the girl is nagging him that much he should just leave her. And you know what, maybe he was reaching out for advice, and using the “hitting” out of context. But what about the girls out there that smack their boyfriends, I see it in public all the time, a girl will get mad her man and smack him in the arm, or on the head or where ever, is that ok??? Or is it just another double standard. And by the way I am a female, and I have been abused by a man, and believe it is wrong for anyone to be hit. So before you girls go off on this guy for asking, ask yourself how many of you have hit your man when he has pissed you off?? And I hate to say it verbal abuse from woman is wrong as well, just as it is wrong from a man. So please think twice before saying things to people or judging. Like I said I am a woman and don’t believe in hitting anyone or anything. not even my dog or cat. But if a woman hits a man, she better be prepared for him to hit her back in self defense.. or if she doesn’t know when to shut up and stop nagging him when he asks her to stop, be prepared for him to leave you or start bitching and nagging you.
You, Bonnie, should get his ISP and report him to the local police. There is not only no reason ever to hit a woman, especially if you are a man, there is in fact no reason ever to hit anyone. That is assault. There may be a rare instance of so-called “self defense,” but it is rare when any situation demands hitting someone. He sounds so sure of his reasoning that he needs to be stopped before he kills someone.
I did report this post, as David suggested, as soon as I read it (and took other measures as well). I also updated the rules of the forum to read that posts of this nature would be reported to the authorities.
As a male - I’ll state my opinion briefly - It is never OK for a ANYONE to hit another in ANY relationship.
I’m a martial artist and throughout my life i’ve been around violence, but controlled violence.
Hitting your partner, in my opinion is wrong whether its the man or the woman. I look at women as equal, not ‘Lower than men cos men are physically bigger’ and i would never hit a woman and if a woman hit/kicked me i’d defend myself to the point i could stop her but i wouldnt hit her. In relatioonships i dont think that violence is an answer to anything.Your in that relationship because you love them not so you can hit them. I was finding relationships annoying as the women always used me so now i dont date.
But ne, i cant say i believe its ever ok to hit someone cos there bugging you but if they hit you then ending it is for me the only option. Women should never feel lower then men either-1 good kick in the nuts and he wont hit you again.