The Disadvantages of Being Single
I realize the intro to this post isn't the most optimistic, especially considering I've recently blogged how frustrated I am that single parents rarely get a good rap for being great dating prospects (The Perks of Dating a Single Parent). Yet there have been several reports in the media of late that remind me being single can sometimes, for lack of a more tactful word, suck.
Take CNN's recent story about a single Croatian woman who was just recently found in her apartment - approximately 35 years after her death. I had to search around the internet to confirm this wasn't an urban legend (unfortunately it isn't), but while doing so I couldn't help asking a million questions, such as who paid the rent all these years, why the apartment didn't smell and therefore alert the neighbors, or why nobody went to look for this missing-in-action woman. The answers: It is unsure as to who owned the apartment (in the 70s the state owned all apartments in Croatia), no one knows who paid the bills (then again, who would complain if there wasn't any heat or hot water?), her windows were open at the time of her death, and it seems few people were in close contact with the woman. In fact she was only found because her neighbors wanted ownership of her apartment, and broke into the place not realizing there was a deceased resident inside.
Esther Kustanowitz over at JDaters Anonymous for tipped me off to this story, and like her, it raised a number of goosebumps on me as a fellow single-and-looking gal. Sure, the likelihood is slim that I, or many other people who enjoy being single will fall to a similar, heartbreaking fate. But at the same time it gives me a kick in the pants to go and meet new people, and not just so as to find a date.
Reference: CNN. Woman's Dead Body Lies in Flat for 35 Years. May 18, 2008. http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/05/16/croatia.body.ap/
Comments
It is a give and take. Much of what you are saying can be handle with friends and family.
To me the biggest downfall is that we don’t have the emotional support of another.
When I use a close friend or family to emotionally “lean on”, many married couples think I am leaching off that person. Sorry, but while I don’t have the 24-7 support they do, I still have the need. How many marriages are dissolved because the other is emotionally distant?
When I meet a woman there is the image that I am a predator since men only thinks about having sex. Sure, fantasy sometimes kicks in but so far I’ve been able to keep it in check and still get most of my emotional support from those at an arms reach. Sex takes a back seat to having a good friend.
But then there is the positive. I’ve seen people hurt because both partners in a marriage required support at the same time. I’ve seen people let their need for a partner interfere with their need to be an individual. I’ve seen people who were much more secluded that I’ve ever been even though they have someone to sleep with on a regular basis.
I may live without the benefit of another, but I live without the stress of living with another imperfect human being.
Being single is tough, and sometimes it does feel lonely. But look at some couples, and you may see that they are also not happy, many of them are lonely too in a different way. I guess it is a mix - some people who are in a relationship are less happy then they would be single, so single would be better for them. Others need the companionship (but it might be better for them to be comfortable being single first).
I have had ups and downs myself. In fact, I tried a lot of ways to meet people and some were better then others. I tried online dating for awhile, tried introductions from friends. Nothing is a silver bullet. After my experiences in the online dating world, I started my own fee online dating site to fill some of the gaps I saw elsewhere.
In any case, I hope you don’t stay lonely for long!