Reader Question: Dating a Younger Man
grrl_geek asks in the dating forums: My love interest (a man) is nearly 10 years younger than I. He knows that I am older, but he doesn't know exactly how much older, although he may have an idea.
Because of the way I look and dress I don't seem my age--I look and seem 10 years younger, and some people think I am even younger than that. My love interest did exhibit interest in me when we used to work together. I did not act on the attraction because we were co-workers. Now that we are no longer, I would like to woo him, but I am wondering whether the difference in our ages would be an issue.
Men, what do you feel about the possibility of having a partner who is 10 years older? I am certain that you wouldn't intentionally seek out a much older woman, but if you happen to come across one that you are very much interested in, would the age difference bother you?
Comments
I wouldn’t let that bother me. If there is a genuine interest, age wouldn’t be a factor.
It would depend upon what common goals you share. That having been said, true love in this world is so incredibly hard to find. I would say to go for it. Women’s sexual prime is later than ours and they tend to outlive us anyway.
The only thing i would be concerned about is his maturity level and is he picking up his responsibilities. i believe you should not rush into it and really analyze his character to see if he’s someone that can take care you and more. I ran into this dating game simulation online and it’s hilarious! If a man ain’t treating you right don’t mess with it.
If you think you seem 10 years younger because you dress 10 years younger, think again. What you most likely seem like is someone who dresses 10 years younger than she ought to.
Really their is no differences on age factors . I’ve been with older women since I was 18. I am now 27. Preferably it up to the individual who has the insecurities and getting over them . Believe it or not these day younger guy are dating older women. From my experiences older are a lot better then the young.
Ok well I’m a 29 yr. old woman who has been dating a 19 yr. old guy for a yr. and a half now. I don’t see how age is really an issue. As long as u both are happy and in love why should age be an issue? I say go for it what do u have to lose?
Having been President of a large singles organization I have seen this scenario played out many times. The younger male usually eventually ditches the older woman, once she ages. Then she is less desireable/attractive to males overall and lives her remaining years in loneliness. Sorry to say that, but it is a reality and a shame.
I liked the responses here so far. Well, I read the first three and here goes.
I am going on 6 yrs steady with a man 34 yrs old. I am 40. He walks around like he has his shit together in all facets ( did I spell that right ) and is a flake. Doesnt pay bills on time, tickets as well. I am starting to see, well maybe I always have seen; its all about him. I HATE TO GENERALIZE, but it’s like an OCD is going on. He has no romantic bone in his body and I really dont know what I am doing with him. We have never been on and off yet I tell him, find someone else, leave me alone for awhile, it doesnt work.
He is a workaholic and spends money on wrong things, with no goals to speak of.
IT IS HARD TO HAVE AN INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION with him without it leading into a fight.
I could go on and on.
Lis
Hi.. okay first don’t listen tothe nay sayers.. I have been dating two men over the last 7 months one 9 years younger and another 14 years younger, younger men do love a confident secure older woman. If you are looking for some fun and do not have big expectations you could have a really great time. So, to your question, you don’t need to woo.. don’t over think it. Just text the guy and tell him you would like to go out to dinner with him. HE WILL SAY YES. I continue to date and have more younger men then I can ask for asking me out. I can’t keep up… but I am enjoying life. Isn’t that what it is about.. who said marriage? Us older women aren’t usually ready to give up everything and run and get married if we are confident and independent. Just what the men love. GOOD LUCK!!
I am 45yrs young and I have raised 2 sons (1 is 28yrs & the other 26yrs) to be real men. I have numerous relationships with loser men my age and never considered dating anyone that was more than 5 yrs younger.Until 1 yr ago I started seeing this 25 yr old., the difference of 20 years is large, no future in it but it’s the best sex I’ve ever experienced. Now I have a boyfriend who is 35yrs old and much more mature and very committed to the relationship. I try to stay physically fit and the age difference doesn’t bother him or myself. I say if it makes you happy and you trust and love him, you go for it! You only live once.
I have had the best sex of my life with a man 16 years younger than me. I have not called or pursued him he has called me. I do not think we will be together in the future but want to continue the friendship for what he has offered to me. He has woke me up to life and to enjoy it for me. After divorce and being mistreated by my ex husband he has given me life again. I do not regret a day of our friendship and relationship.
I’ve always attracted younger men and was married to a man ten years younger than me for twenty years. Our marriage broke up, not because of the age difference, but because of other bog-standard issues that could occur between any couple. Now I’m seeing a guy 16 years younger than me and it’s just brilliant. I have no intention of getting married again (been there, done that), but I intend to enjoy life to the full, especially while my young lover is so full of energy and passion! Mmmm
the age difference only becomes an issue when it comes to children- having them..
if he is 35 and you are 42 when you meet, chances are you will have a hard time conceiving at 43 or 44, if he wants children.you stand a better chance if he has kids already. you can look 28 and be 48 but the inside never lies..
I am a 44 year-old woman and dating on and off a 10 years younger guy for over seven months now. I do look fantastic for my age too. However, he backed off after he found out exactly how old I was. After my husband left me after 22 years of marriage, he helped me to brush up on social skills and showed me how to have fun. We both have so much in common, background, culture, personality, and goals. In different circumstances we would be perfect for each other. However, I don’t think there is a future for us, because age does bother him alot. I love him very much, and I know he has feelings for me too, but our relationship is falling apart day after day. He doesn’t want to take me out anywhere anymore, just his or my house. If you know that the number doesn’t bother him, go for it. You will enjoy his company, no doubt.
I, too, am in love with a younger man. I am 55 and he is 34. I am afraid to do anything since he is a good friend. How do I proceed?
I can’t believe this happened to me…. I am in love with a man 12 years younger than I and he loves me too!…I know I can’t believe this…I surely didn’t go out and look for this to happen and I never dreamed we would be talking happily ever after either…but we are! At first I told him it was his decision to have this awesome relaionship or not…but now I am having some second thoughts, and am working through them as best as I can….I worry about ten years from now….??? but these risks you take with anyone….right?
i am 35 and my current man is 25. and oh is he awesome. i was married to a 40 year old and its amazing how much more my new boyfriend can connect. its not about age. its about who you are.
Isn’t it interesting? We wouldn’t even be discussing this if the genders were reversed, because no one would bat an eye. 10 years is not that much of a difference. If you’re both happy, than what’s wrong with it? Listen to your heart, not the nay-sayers. You never know how life and love can surprise you.
Wow, I’m so glad to read how common this situation is…I’m a 44 year old woman who has met at 29 year old man and am apprehensive about a relationship. I guess you never know where life will bring you…go ladies!
I am head over heels in love with a man who is 14 years younger. The feeling is mutual. I am 39, he is 25.
My only concern… having been around the block a little bit more than him (married), is that he doesn’t REALLY truly get how unique and amazing, and hard to come by our relationship is. Clearly this is not too big a concern.
I definitely thought I was done with children, but would squeeze one out as late as 44/45 for him / us.
I am 42 years old, divorced, and have no children. The man that I really want to be with is 41 and like me has no children (he has never been married though).
I had been seeing a 41-year old since May 15, 2009. I went to a conference in North Carolina the second week of June 2009 and felt inextricably draw to a man that I later found out is 24 years old. I broke up with the 41-year old because he started playing phone games. You know, the one where they TELL you to call them back in 2 minutes, they don’t pick up the phone and then call you the next day (and don’t leave a message). I told the 41-year old ON THE FIRST DATE that I’m one for games, and I REALLY THOUGHT that we were on the same page, until he started with the games. I think that he’s seeing (sexing) another woman, OR he wants to give me the impression that he is. Either way, I felt that I needed to end things because the relationship was about him trying to get the upper hand.
After I thought about all of the things that we have in common, as well as how much that I miss him, I called him 2 days ago to see where we stand BECAUSE the 24-year old has been calling me non-stop! The 24-year old is irritated that I won’t give him a chance. Because I am the type of woman who feel it responsible to end one thing before beginning another, I must say that the 24-year old is making it INCREDIBLY hard for me to say no. His spirit seems so free and unencumbered while the 41-year old, although without children, seems to have more emotional baggage. I’m beginning to close the book on any chances with the 41-year old because it’s been 2 days and he still hasn’t called. My heart is aching, but it’s not the first time, so I am sure that I will get over my hurt. Whether it’s his pride in me breaking up with him, or whether it’s to teach me a lesson, I’m sick of his games. I want to tell the 41-year old that I WANT to be with him, but am mature enough to realize that a relationship cannot work unless BOTH people want it.
On the other hand, I wonder WHY I gave a man my card who is so much younger. When I met the 24-year old, he was just so open and honest. Specifically, he TOLD me that he remembered me from last year. He also TOLD me that he vowed that if he ever saw me again, he would talk to me and try to get to know me. This man is DOING JUST THAT. The problem? I am scared to death of getting hurt. I worry that he will NOT be the same person at 30 years old, and that he will leave me for someone younger. I think that the MAIN reason WHY I am so scared is because I have a connection with this man (we live in different states). I am so attracted to his spirit, his honesty, and his candor. But the REALITY is the 18-year age difference. For anyone out there who can relate to my feelings, PLEASE share your thoughts on this.
I was married to my husband for 23 years and found out he was cheating the last 9 months of it. We have been divorced for 1 1/2 year.
I had a one year relationship with a man 4 years older then myself and it was safe and healing and I am afraid I broke his heart.
Two days later I met a guy who I knew casually for a year.. He ran after me and I now know he is 17 years younger..
we went out and to my surprise I really like him.. And we have such Chemistry!
I am 49 and he is 32 and OMG how will that work? I only know I can not wait to see him again!!
im 33 and dating a 25 yr old he worships me, best sex, ive told hem several times to go get woman his age and he refused, we hav been dating for 4years now, we do all the things couples do together, he is so in love with me, im confortable with the relationship, older man are boring,
I am dating a 5 years younger boy. and we are planning a family together, my family is against it we both love each other very much. what do i do???
I am 45 and was recently dating a 24 yo – I can relate to the writer named “Confused” above….I was so attracted to his free spirit, youth, and the fact that he pursued me a lot! He made me feel alive again, attractive, HOT! Anyhow, after a few months of this, he kept telling me that he was scared be cause he was becoming very attached to me and we both knew there could be no future with a 22 year difference! So, he pulled away – of course I felt horrible, hurt, and lonely again. But that’s the risk you take I guess, and I have some great memories! I would do it again in a heartbeat!
I have read all of the comments posted and I too can relate.
I am a single mother of the most adorable 8 year old. Ive met so many men in my past however none compair to the man i met approx 1.5 years ago. I was born in 1975 and he was born in 1984. Simply put there is an 8 year difference in our age.
In a year an a half I have enjoyed his company, and committment to our friendship. Just recently he mentioned that he is and will be dating other women…preferably younger more in his age bracket.
As I understand this is so important…part of my insecurities came out….as in why am I not enough…etc….
This past weekend we went hiking, one of the better weekends I’ve ever had. One of the young ladies he has begun dating texted, called etc….and he shed light on our “friendship”. Very basic from what I gathered from the other end.
I mentioned that I will not go for this kind of disrespect. If he wants to date and see other women then so be it. Because the young lady he is currently begun dating “5 days” now…is playing for major keeps. I just told him to DO IT!
He seemed soo confused, he mentioned that he didnt want the feelings he has for me. He said he just thought our relationship would be very casual, nothing emotional.
For the first time he mentioned that he cared for me and wants for me to trust in what he is doing. He said the MORE i date the MORE i see I want to be with you!
I dont know its an interesting relationship by far. I have my insecurities about dating a younger man but why? I can only pray that what is to be will be. God does answer prayers.
My first husband was 8 years older, he was a liar and a cheat, he never clean up after himself he wouldn’t help out around the house, he drank all day on the weekend and wouldn’t bulge from wherever he was sitting. He worked and made decent money but never brought any of it home, so bills went unpaid, the utilities would get disconnected, and there was never any food in the house…I could go on and on.
My new husband is 18 years younger, he cooks, clean and keeps the house immaculate, not to mention he pays all the household expenses, he helped me to finish paying for my son’s tuition (college). He takes me on vacations around the world, pampers me with gifts to the spa, jewelry, and electronic devices. Again I could go on and on. It’s an individual thing, not all older men don’t have their lives together, just as all younger men aren’t screw-ups. I realize that my husband might one-day look at me and see a much older woman, but for now I will keep on loving him just as he loves me and I can only hope for the best.
I married my younger man (by 17 years) this July 4th. We had dated for two years and knew we wanted to be together…not just cohabitate.
I personally don’t know how people can date someone in the age range of their child. It feels wrong to me….but I guess, to each their own.
” Younger man and Older Woman ”
I can’t speak for others, but for myself.
Am a 45 yrs old man in excellent shape and form, and had my first wife for a very brief period who was 4 yrs younger.
Then came along my ex who was 3 years older than me.
Now, am in love with a pretty and matured 53 year young lady also in excellent shape and form.
The point I am trying to bring here is that age is not a mere factor or any right or wrong age/age difference. Obviously, extreme differences say 15-20 (or more)might be more challanging, but hey, Marriage and it’s success is a challenge anyways.
Better being with an older compatible lady than a younger lady with whom the relationship probably might break..AND VICE VERSA TOO.
BOTTOMLINE: GO FOR IT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD.. GIVE IT SOME TIME AND LIVE TOGETHER FOR SOMETIME AS WE CALL IT COURTING RELATIONSHIP, BEFORE TYING THE KNOT.
I’m 35 and dated a guy that was 22. It was the best relationship, at least that’s what I thought. He said he wanted to marry me, and he loved his life with me. Then one day he took his things and moved out. Yes overnight! He said he wanted to see what was out there, and that he wanted to be 22. I was heartbroken and I still think about him everyday. Its been 2 weeks and he still hasn’t called. I love him soooo much. I hope he sees that the grass isn’t always greener on the otherside.
Hmm. This is interesting. The comments seem evenly split between “It’s the greatest thing ever” and “It sucks.” I have an attraction to someone who is 29, nearly 30 and I am 44. Since he is in a relationship, it’s not going to happen, but it got me to thinking about what issues would come up if it did. It also got me off my butt and into exercise class! So I guess it hasn’t been all bad!
I’m really not sure. One man in our circle is 48 and married to a 27-year-old woman, so as we were discussing it, I ventured the opinion that really, it would depend on the guy. And it would. If he were mature enough to handle the age difference, and genuinely interested in me and vice versa, it might be worth a shot.
I am almost 45 yrs young…I am divorced w/ a 23 yr old son and a 20 yr old daughter who has a 21 mo old son. I seem to only attract much younger guys or older ones (which are usually married). The younger guys are a true “turn-on” to me! It really flatters me when these young men try to hit on me. About 3 wks ago I met this cutie – who is 24. I told him that “my daughter would love him” when I first met him. This guy makes me laugh and treats me like a real lady! I don’t look my age and I love to smile and have fun. I try to eat properly and some exercise helps me to look and feel good. almost The guys I have been with around my age group are very immature for their ages, they expect too much from me and they want to keep me locked up! I haven’t told my children about this young man yet. This is the youngest guy that I have actually thought about dating. Last year I was seeing this 31 yr old – I thought the 13 yr age gap was tremendous but this tops it all!
I am a divorced Asian woman at age 45 and met a 32 year old man 19 months ago. He pursued me 7 months before we started dating. We just had our first anniversary this weekend. He is pure, understanding, responsible, and incredibly cute (from Romania). First two months after having such a romantic trip together to Napa Valley, I was thinking we would go separate ways because I thought he didn’t know age. Even while we were having a great time together on our trip, I was afraid of losing him anytime, so couldn’t enjoy the entire time. His response was he knew about my age from day one and never cared about the age difference as long as I look and feel good like now. He never had a girlfriend in America for 9 years until he met me. We got along so good and so attached to each other. He never went out alone and always liked to do things with me.
He moved in with me after 9 months of dating and one day over one small & silly argument he moved out. I was devastated and brutally hurt. For two weeks he only sent me one neutral email and offered me help on anything anytime. I took a trip to L.A. to ease my pain but nothing helped me. I initiated first phone call and he responded. We met at a restaurant and went to my business office and both cried so hard. We both realized how much we miss each other and wanna be together. We got back and started a new and mature chapter in our relationship. It was rather bumpy in the beginning but we figured out what takes to make it work Ladies out there who date younger men don’t need to have a fear about the outlook or the hurt from the break-up because it can happen in any form of relationship not just from the age difference. We overcame the challenge in the beginning of our relationship with his persuasion and help. Sometimes, I have experienced his lack of relationship skills, but as long as we stay focused on what we want for our life, the difference that we have could happen in a relationship with the same age. I never feel confident about my having a full control when things go wrong between us. I think he sometimes learns the wisdom and gain maturity indirectly from my past mistakes that I often share with him. His friends also told me that I look younger than he. I exercise and get skin care on regular basis and look and feel more youthful than ever unlike my marriage with 9 year older husband who made me feel like 65 with no glow on my face.
We are planning to get married on our second anniversary day next year. I am sure there will be some challenges ahead of us to level our different experiences in our past life, but I can’t wait to see our maturing and growing together next 12 months. IT’S ALL WORTH IT!!