Online Dating Mistake #1
Earlier today I received an email at the popular free online dating site Plenty of Fish. It read:
hey there do you like tall sexy athletic men?
Confused, I looked at the gent's online dating profile. It was empty other than to say he was tall, sexy, athletic, and in his late 20's. No photos, no description of what he's looking for - nothing. And when he picked a category to share with the world what kind of dating relationship he was looking for, he chose the uber-frustrating, "Hang Out."
Now I didn't go so far as to think that the email was a dating scam, but it did set off a couple of bells in my head. Nothing urgent mind you; more of a 'I think we're after something different, you and I' kinda feel. So I replied as tactfully and kindly as I could muster:
"That's a loaded question, isn't it? I'm sure most women would say yes to that, but I'm more interested in who you are as a person. To me, sexy is about one's brain (and how they use it), and rarely about someone's height or athleticism."
A friend of mine commented that she felt my response was a bit harsh, and perhaps the gent felt so as well. (He read the email but hasn't replied). Yet I felt good about my response, because I was true to myself. Mr. Tall Athletic and Sexy (now TAS for short) made a couple of fairly severe online dating mistakes that, when corrected, could increase his response rate tenfold. What are they?
- Used the Spray Technique. What is the Spray Technique? Essentially, by aiming a pickup line, email or attention grabber at a bunch of people at once without catering your initial interaction to the person you're trying to attract. Instead of one precisely-aimed attempt, you're spraying and aiming again only after you've seen what you hit. I'm sure someone else has come up with a spiffier name than I, but the gross-out factor is intentional.
- Didn't Write a Profile. Ok, so I'll admit that I've been hit by a couple of Sprayers without realizing it until much later. But that's only because they had a carefully crafted online dating profile I could become intrigued by. But to not write a profile tells me a couple of things, and none of them are very endearing.
- Didn't Read the Profile. I don't need to go into the details as to why, but it was obvious to me that Mr. TOS hadn't bothered reading my profile. And as flattered as I am that he found me attractive enough to make first contact, if he can't be bothered to read a thirty-second blurb describing the object of his attraction, its unlikely we'll get along.
I've written a further list of dating profile don'ts, but I'd love to hear from you, the readers: What online dating mistakes have you encountered (or perpetrated yourself)? What could the person have done differently?
Comments
Yes, I’ve found many issues like this with online dating sites.
I hate to say it but the woman are just as bad as we men are. When trying to meet someone, i think it is a great start to be oneself than post pictures of Jessica Alba copied from a web site….
I have to disagree with you here. Sorry!
Because of privacy I have two different online personas. I don’t want my clients to Google me and read my feelings about sex, religion, or politics. So my personal persona uses a pseudo-nym. While I know I can be found by someone with enough determination, this will at least trump the casual looker.
Personal info will happen later, when I am sure that I am emailing a real person. The free online dating sites I use are plagued with prostitutes and others that don’t care about the LTR I am looking for.
Fluidly unsure – how could someone Google your photo if your name isn’t attached to it – but rather a handle? I don’t see the issue there. As for not providing personal information? I understand, but only to a point. If there is nothing at all in a dating profile, there is nothing to tell me that this is a real person. I’ll hazard a guess that you’d receive many more responses to your profile from people looking for an LTR as you yourself are if you provide readers with a tiny bit of information about yourself that shows who you are and why you’re special – but not going so far as to explain where you live or what you do for a living.
Fred – I hear you loud and clear. Men are definitely not the only ones making these kinds of dating mistakes.
So many of the men don’t have pictures. That missing element and their poorly done profile just demonstrates that they aren’t at all serious about wanting to date. And most are not capable of arranging a date. That is clearly stating “I would like to meet you. Could it be (give day) at (give place) at (give time?)”
Bonny, if you Google “fluidly unsure” you will find several pieces of information that I don’t want attached to my professional image. I made that mistake years ago. As far as the responses, I’m more concerned about quality than quantity.
In my profile, one will learn some basic things about me. Only what I don’t think is enough for a less-than-determined identity thief. I know what it takes even though I’ve never used it.
They will learn more once we connect through email. If they are not patient enough then I’m less than interested in them anyways.
A couple of other angles I just thought of.
When I worked at a dating site, a fake picture was always included in the fake flirts to market paid membership. They just copied the pictures from the profiles of their more alluring customers. At least my picture was safe.
Every one of the responses I suspect were from prostitutes had a non-explicit picture posted online. The picture was tempting but didn’t raise any red flags. Now any picture is a red flag (literally).
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