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Bonny Albo

How Much Is Too Much Information?

By October 1, 2008

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I spoke yesterday with a single friend of mine, who told me about a first date with a gal he's interested in pursuing a serious, long term relationship with. He then casually mentioned some of the questions said gal asked him during this date, and at one point in time I almost choked -- he'd mentioned me in passing, and the girl wanted to know my name, user handle at Plenty Of Fish, and various other personal details about my life.

"Please tell me you didn't say anything," I asked immediately. My friend looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head. "Are you kidding?! No. I'd never do that," he replied, thankfully.

My curiosity getting the best of me, I asked him what other kinds of things she'd inquired about. It seemed this gal had quite the penchant for asking questions that were, in my mind, a tad personal for a first date: his first and last name, where he worked, how much money he made, where he lived, the names of his coworkers, the names and personal details of any other women he'd been recently dating or spending time with, and believe it or not, how well endowed he was.

Now, some of these questions I can see asking to keep on safe in a blind date or online dating situation; you never know who you're going to meet, and having at least some information about the person can protect you should anything go wrong. But (in my opinion) there's a fine line between asking questions to protect oneself and asking questions that make you fearful for your own safety. Plus there's the question of tact. Although my friend diffused the situation with humor, I'm not sure how well that kind of question would have gone over had the tables been turned, especially since the date's intention was in no way adult in nature. For instance, if they'd met on Adult Friend Finder or on the Intimate Encounters section of Lavalife, I'd think the question perfectly normal. But this was no casual date, and he'd made it very clear his intentions were more along the life partner lines.

But you tell me: Can you ask for too much information on a first date? Would you balk if someone asked you the same thing?

October 1, 2008 at 5:18 pm
(1) MichelleB says:

I’d say there’s a fine line of what’s normal and what’s more like someone being investigated. I met my husband on a blind date and he was inquisitive. 20 dates later he asked me what kind of ring I wanted. So in that respect after a few dates its fine. Not the first one though!

October 1, 2008 at 6:40 pm
(2) Guide On Dating says:

I think the amount of information you ask for and provide is dependent on your comfort level. Me personally I would take a woman asking these questions as confidence which I enjoy and value. Whether I choose to answer these questions and if I decide to ask her them back is upto me. If I wanted to discourage her from asking the questions I would playfully deflect them. So at how much money I would say: oh I’m currently unemployed and plan to sleep under the closest park car, honk before you reverse out”, etc.

October 15, 2008 at 9:08 pm
(3) Fluidly Unsure says:

That tells me 4 things about her:
1. She is obnoxiously presumptuous (like a man asking about breast size). Sounds like a female Archie Bunker to me.
2. She doesn’t care that her priorities are different than his. Be ready for her to do something you don’t expect.
3. She might be preparing for stocking or ID theft. I’d watch my SS, CC, DMV, and PD reports.
4. She doesn’t realize she is out of context and offensive. Get ready for a real raspberry later.

July 29, 2010 at 10:58 pm
(4) Indy says:

Hmm… You said the guy (in the article) is interested in pursuing a serious, long-term relationship with this woman, even thinking she might potentially become his life partner. Yet you think it’s too personal for her to ask his first and last name and where he works???

I don’t get it. I can’t believe anyone would go out with someone whose name they don’t know! And asking where he works is just a normal conversational question that just about anyone would ask.

But actually, I’m more surprised at the guy for thinking he might want a serious, long-term (even possibly life-partner) relationship with someone BEFORE he even had a first date with her! And how could she possibly determine whether someone might be “life partner material” for her without asking LOTS of questions?? They BOTH should be asking lots of questions on that first date; it would be the best way to help them determine whether it would be worthwhile to take the relationship any further!

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