Can Casual Sex Turn Into a Relationship?
Friday December 5, 2008
A challenging question and one that I get fairly often, although usually more from women than men. Other than for the obvious reasons, its challenging to answer a question about casual sex, if only because there is only so much information one can provide me with. For instance, you may know what you're thinking, but what about the person you're having casual sex with?
This week I've attempted to answer it, using one specific reader's question as a guide:
I met this guy about 5 months ago and we agreed that we were both not ready for a relationship (him just getting out of a serious relationship and me not ready for one at all), so we began having casual sex. We have since both admitted to having feelings for each other and have thought that there might be something else between us other than just casual sex. Does the fact that we know each other so intimately hinder our ability to get to know each other better on a more relationship-oriented level? I know that I am interested in him, and I know he is interested in me. But I want to build what we have beyond a purely casual sex. Is that possible?
My answer can be found here: Can Casual Sex Become a Relationship?
But, you tell me. What do you think?
Comments
I’ve been down this path, and I am sad to report it was not a smooth ride. I was seeing this guy (it was strictly casual, which was what we both wanted when we met) for several months when he expressed an interest in more. And I thought, gee, that sounds nice. But it was too weird, to suddenly start spending the whole night and waking up together, to start meeting one another’s friends. To be completely in each other’s lives. I wish your reader luck. Maybe she’ll be able to succeed where I failed.
Hi,
From man point of view…
I can’t see any reason why you could not have a great relationship.
It simply depends how you two feel together.
To start any relationship as a casual may have many advantages. Imagine yourself dating a guy for a year without being intimate.
You may love each other to death. Just to find out after a year that sex ’sucks’.
Sex is as important as all daily activities, romance,work, living together… – simply life in general.
If you started from the other end (intimate) – you have an assurance that you will not fail in a ’sex department’. During all this time you had chance to know each other.
Because you like each other more than just for casual sex you have no problem to develop it as far as you feel. As long you are both genuine (I mean you really think what you say to each other) – there is no need to speculate.
Past is past. Move on. Do what is the best for both of you. If you keep thinking you might miss a train.
And yes – it may work – it might not. There is no guarantee to any relationship.
It is for sure – it does not make any difference if you started casual or with dating each other for five years.
Love and compability are important.
Wish you best of luck.
Tibor
So my boyfriend and I went threw this same situation. We decided that just friends with benifits would be best for the both of us becuase niether of us were ready. After about 6 months things started getting more serious. Then about a year later he asked me to move in with him and so far so good. Becuase we were so compatable in the bed room everything after that seemed so easy. I didnt feel uncomfortable around him and we just have so much fun. I wish you the best of luck!
Apparently the latest thing with younger generations is intimacy BEFORE a relationship. It’s all about “hanging out” with no strings. I find this disconcerting.
Not being of that generation, I don’t see how this can work. I was brought up and have always been told to “get to know someone” before becoming intimate, unless of course, the goal is simply a sexual relationship with no commitment. Call me old-fashioned, but sex with someone is not only vulnerable, but one of the most intimate actions one can share. It only seems this a natural progression towards developing a relationship with someone.
And then there is the whole “male conquer” aspect. Not that women should play games, but rather keep a thrill of a little bit of chase. Let the person have something to fantasize about, look forward to, and…chase! After all, you can never take back your “virginity” with the other person. There is that wonderful sexual tension that is there before two people have been intimate. It’s such an amazing feeling that is not there after the ice has been broken…
@mod_mila:
Geez, I haven’t heard advice like that since my days as an elementary student at church. Abstinence is great, sure. Save yourself for that one special person, and if they turn out to be a bad pick, just grin and bear it:)
No I don’t think it’s a good idea to sleep around just for the hell of it, but if two responsible adults can agree on terms of a sexual relationship that they can both live with there isn’t a reason in the world to fool around playing childish head games.