More First Date Sex Debates
Since I've been the Guide to Dating here at About.com I've blogged about first date sex a fair amount. The topic seems to be a favorite among researchers and pollsters these past few years, and since all of you are always willing and ready to chime in on the topic, I wanted to share some new research on the debate. This time the information comes from Adults Only List, an adult sex dating site that is still in its beta testing phase. Their findings show that, out of the 20,000 female users they polled, 34% would wait less than one date (or six hours) before having sex with someone they'd just met.
The bias in these findings is obvious, as the main page of the Adults Only List website only houses three major categories of users: casual encounters, gay and alternative. But the other research I've blogged about has had mixed results:
- YouGov on behalf of Craigslist found that 62% of respondents would prefer a nice cup of tea to sex at the end of a first date. On this site, 40% of respondents said they'd prefer tea to sex.;
- The University of Texas School of Public Health found that women who actually meet someone face-to-face from an online dating site takes more risks than those who meet using other means - such as 30% had sex on the first date, and of those women, three quarters did not use a condom; and
- Only 12% of About.com Dating readers answered that they didn't wait to have sex, but a total of 55% would have sex with a new partner within the first month.
What can we all glean from this data? For starters, I'd say it makes a pretty good case for safe sex. But separate from the issue of condom use, it points to a fascinating trend with online dating. Are dating sites speeding up the courtship and seduction process, very much like the pick up scene in bars do? What do you think?
Comments
I’d be curious to see how the questions on these surveys were phrased. There’s a big difference between someone being “likely to” have sex on a first date versus “open to” or “ever had”. I have had sex on the first date, though it’s not something I do often (it’s been years) nor is it something I advocate. But depending on how the question were asked, I might end up in the YES column.
I have been talking to someone I met online for two months. He lives on the west coast and I live on the east coast. We have made arrangements for me to come out there and meet each other and go on some dates. We talk everyday we send each other cards in the mail and he has sent me some gifts to show he is thinking about me. When we actually meet in person and if the chemistry is there is it okay to have sex with him in the first meeting or will this signal a wrong message?
And of those 62%, how many were female? That’s the question that immediately springs to my mind. The information isn’t worth much if it isn’t broken down by gender.
Sex on the first date has been going on for years. I was dating in the 70’s and it happened a lot. Nothing has changed except more people are being asked about it. Everyone thinks the online dating phenomenon has changed things when it comes to the dating world. Its still meeting people you don’t know just like in any other capacity. If the chemistry is there many people will have sex on the first date.
I know that some men use these datingsites just to be able to quickly select girls who they want to meet. They have ‘conversations’ with different girls at the same time. And the aim is (of course) to get them in bed as quickly as possible. A lot easier than going to a bar or club…
XXX does not always mean “triple easy”. In fact, to survive such lifestyles, those of us who want multiple partners are less likely to engage in sex for a number of months or even a year or more after first meeting face-to-face.
There’s no question of right or wrong in these cases. That’s a value judgment which reflects society’s double standards on sex, particularly with regard to women. It also does not take into account the gender differences in approach to sex which often dictates the situation.
For most women, having sex is is a prelude to something else, to the possibility of a long term relationship. Sexual overtures are also tied up with personal appeal and how a woman feels about herself. To be desired and wanted is very powerful, so few women can resist such seduction, especially when a man will try anything to get it. I personally would not have sex on a first date because I believe that, if that is all the man is interested in, he is simply responding to his need, not mine and any relationship is a two way process.
The subject here is highly controversial. Basically, men are more propensed to be aroused by phyical outlook on a first date even if the subject never came up in their minds prior to the dating time.Consequently, this could result to sex if the other party falls for it.I am not an advocate for first date sex and don’t condemn it either but women should be decisive before going on a first date so they can fight obvious sexual overtures from the opposite sex.The guy might just want a fling a get them laid for fun.