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Bonny Albo

My Girlfriend Won't Stop Flirting With My Friends

By April 30, 2009

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Johnny Boy asks: Five times I've asked her to stop flirting with my best friend, but it only lasts a day. Each time I complain, she tells me that flirting is healthy and natural, and that I do it too. But she knows I'm only talking to her friends, like I would a coworker, while she's prancing around flirting like she doesn't care. Today I spoke with her again about it, but she was already on the phone with my friend and flirted some more. Even told me about it. What should I do?

Johnny Boy, I feel for you. Really, I do. It sounds like your girlfriend is disrespecting you constantly and purposely no less. So either she's playing games and trying to get your attention, or she's playing games and wants to date your friend. I can't think of any 'good' reason why she'd be doing what she's doing.

But then your answer should be an easy one: end the relationship. Because why would you want to date someone who treats you like this? If she cannot hear that her behavior is upsetting you so much and refuses to tame it down, then obviously this is a dealbreaker. Finding someone who feels the same way you do about flirting and its appropriateness would be a much better solution, because it sounds like your partner isn't on the same page as you are.

What say you, dear readers? Do you agree with my advice, or is there something else Johnny Boy should try?

Comments
April 30, 2009 at 4:03 pm
(1) Justin says:

I agree with your advice, she has a different opinion about what flirting is. she doesn’t feel its disrespectful, but you do. so in that aspect you guys have competing ideas but Johnny Boy ultimately should decide if shes worth it. If he ends up breaking up with her there’s a possibility that she may just end up going out with your friend if shes interested in him or the type to do so.

May 1, 2009 at 11:52 am
(2) Trevor Hohenthaner says:

“If he ends up breaking up with her there’s a possibility that she may just end up going out with your friend if shes interested in him or the type to do so.”

@Justin

Well, I think that that depends on how good of friends Johnny Boy is with this guy. I also think that his friend understands what’ll happen if he starts to date Johnny Boy’s ex. Johnny Boy would drop the friendship faster than you can say “FRIENDSHIP OV-”.

May 2, 2009 at 8:53 am
(3) johnny boy says:

well she thinks of my friend as a “brother” she said she’ll never date him… but she still flirts with him… i just hate it when she does stuff to him, and doesnt do it to me. for example – her parents gets mad and she takes the anger out on me, then a few hours later she tells me friend “ily bro” it just pisses me of… is there any way of making her stop with out the break up? because i love her, i really do…

March 5, 2011 at 7:06 am
(4) james says:

my girlfriend has done the same thing and i have let her get away with alot of lies that she’s doesn’t think i know about because i love her. but when she is texting or talking to another guy i talk to another girl just to show her how jealous she can get. it got to the point where i get the guys number and said ” listen her m**********, i’m the baddest dude thats walked these streets and i want you to quit texting my girlfriend, delete her number, delete her from your myspace or i will knock your dick in the dirt”. its worked so far and now she’s knows that i’m not going to play games she’s 17 and we have a kid together its time to take responsibility upon your man and your child.

May 2, 2009 at 9:12 pm
(5) K Black says:

Johnny Boy, take it from an older man who’s still young enough to get any girl. You should end the relationship until she can show you she knows how to respect boundaries. Trust me when I tell you that if she gets away with this, she’ll do much worse later on.

If she’s behaving like this, she doesn’t respect you. Leaving her will show her you respect yourself whether or not she’s willing to do so. Then, if she loves you, she’ll straighten up and fly right. What is it they say “If you love something set it free, and if it doesn’t return it was never yours to love to begin with”.

In fact, stone cold walking on her while not pretending you don’t care is a great way to gain her respect. Don’t act like you don’t care, for example if she wants to date your friend, let her know you consider this straight out dis-respectful. If she continues anyway, and your friend is okay with that, I suggest you completely re-evaluate the people you are surrounding yourself with.

In either case, if you don’t show some self respect by breaking it when she’s not willing to respect boundaries, she’ll NEVER respect them in the future.

Basically its like this. You can love someone even if you aren’t with them.

May 3, 2009 at 2:39 pm
(6) johnny boy says:

thanks i told her ill break up with her if she doesnt stop it right now. i warned some more times but instead of her flirting less she does it even more. i told her not to say “i love you” to my friend. and she goes and tells my friend on facebook “sorry i cant say i love you anymore because my boyfriend gets jealous of it…”

May 4, 2009 at 12:55 pm
(7) LoveShack says:

After reading your responses, I’ve concluded either you like being treated like dirt and have masochistic tendencies. Or you are too weak to demand respect for yourself. She knows this and will continue to treat you like a door mat. Get used to it and stop complaining if you aren’t going to fix the problem.

May 4, 2009 at 3:25 pm
(8) albert uriel says:

excuse her,let her have her way. know who you areand forge on towards your goals in life. diseases are abound and its costing doctor alot to find cures. you are the master of your own life,you are not jesus to lay your life for her. dont risk even a strand of your hair. be wise and love yourself

May 4, 2009 at 8:21 pm
(9) Frank says:

Dude just break up wit the chick. if she treats u like dirt be a man and say if u dont respect me then im done. if she doesnt respect u and keeps flirting with your friend then dump the chick and look for new friends and a girlfriend who will actually Love you.

May 17, 2009 at 10:07 pm
(10) Jake Gordon says:

dude dump her.
This happened to me my gf always flirts with my friends and I dumped her

So do the same and dump her

May 18, 2009 at 11:31 pm
(11) Jossy says:

hey im a girl and i so agree wiht that…leave that girl…yeah when we girls flirt its because we either want attention or because we’re not serious about the relationship…leave her ASAP

May 27, 2009 at 4:15 pm
(12) Patrick says:

yo johnny boy, i got the same problem. dude u gotta leave that chick. my gf wud say i love you to my best friends (like 5 guys) and her txt signature wuz i love joey!!!! (my best friend) the best thing i ever did wuz leave her. but i wuz too late so i lost my best friend too. so do it like asap. even if u think u love her (i did 2) THERES ALWAYS SUM1 BETTER.

May 27, 2009 at 8:09 pm
(13) Trevor H. says:

You’re not thinking with a mindset of abundance. I did the same thing in my previous relationship and it dropped me to the floor for 2 and a half years. You’re focusing on one girl. THERE ARE 3.5 BILLION WOMEN ON THE EARTH.

Step 1: DROP HER. Find someone more faithful.
Step 2: Let him know what’s at stake if he doesn’t know already, “like a brother to her” or not.
Step 3: Get out there and MEET MORE FAITHFUL WOMEN.

If I knew what I know now, I wouldn’t have been sulking for as long as I did. Life is too short. Seriously, it is.

May 31, 2009 at 10:10 pm
(14) Diego says:

It’s good to leave the girlfriend free to see if she is wroth it.

But when you see that she likes to flirt with everyone else you know the girlfriend is not worth it.

What real men do in this case is dump the gf, if she comes back to you and proposes to change her behaviour towards you and starts to give you the respect that you deserve, then maybe you can give her another chance, but if she doesn’t and doesn’t come back any more, then she never loved you.

But don’t think you have lost something big, you just have lost a girl that never loved and cared about you in the first place.

July 6, 2009 at 11:17 pm
(15) manda says:

hey im in a realationship now if she tells you she loves you and constantly fights for you when u tell her to stop and argues and says sorry trust me she means it so threaten her to break up but dont do it because my boyfriends is doing exact same to me and i hate he wont talk to me because i started talking to his bestfriend more as he was always busy so spend more time with her show her u care and u want to her about her more yourself :) goodluck

August 4, 2009 at 4:35 am
(16) ricardo.f says:

just dont dump your girl like that..if its just a normal relationship and its open or you are not having a serious one thens its ok to break up.but if you realy love her and if you want to be with her for ever then find out wot would make her feel interresting towards you or what can you do to make her happy.choose one..

August 8, 2009 at 1:21 pm
(17) chris says:

Hey dude, I had the same problem. What I did was flirted with her friends only in front of her. This made her mad so I told her “You do this to me all the time so I figured It’d be OK for me.” Well needless to say I dumped her. Anyways Good luck dude – I feel for ya

September 6, 2009 at 8:42 pm
(18) E-ricky. says:

Hey man i feel for you…i know what it feels like to have your girl friend flirt with your friends or even other guys right in front of your very eyes. I have sought for the same advice…what do i do…and have gotten the same response. break up with her…however, love is a difficult thing to just “break up” so i know the struggle. however, if it is with your friends, then you need to dump her now, or you will get more hurt then you know. Not only will she be more involved with some other guy, it will be your closest friend…not only will you lose her, you will lose your best friend as well. Let her go, you wont be the only one she does this too. i promise.

September 25, 2009 at 2:13 am
(19) Jake Herd says:

yeah the same thing is happening to me. She flirts with all my friends even more than she does with me an this really hurts me cause i love her with all of my heart. Though being men we are naturally a little bit possessive over our women an it feels like i have to watch her when she’s with my friend incase she makes a move. I act like it doesnt bother me but inside i get soo pissed. i know my friends are loyal and woodnt try anything but as someone stated before..if i let her get away with it now, she could do a lot worse in the future. Ive considered breaking up with her but thats only as a last resort..i really dont want to end this realtion ship. Jake .M. Herd

October 6, 2009 at 5:54 am
(20) Nick says:

What about your mate? What does he say? Ask him if he thinks she is coming on to him…if he is your mate, tell him next time she does it tell her that you don’t like as Jonny boy is a good friend.

I had a GF that did the same thing! I said don’t do it but she did it again and again – you end up not trusting them! I always thought she must be worse when she goes out.

Honestly, flirting is not cheating but trust me it gets it side your head! It is almost worse as you sometimes think it is ok but it happens again and it hurts, it really messes with you. As you have said this to her I think you should leave her and if she goes out with your mate, then he is a loser too! Women love guys attention nowadays, but when you dump her she will see that it is better to have love then just attention.

I don’t think she fancies your mate just loves the attention.

I am guessing you dont flirt then, so why can she! Think about it she is mean to you! I bet she flirts when you have a fight too – to get back at you.

To sum up – leave her, have some fun, let her see that she was it the wrong! Be strong, she will cry etc and say sorry it will not happen again! but she will just do it behind your back…Dump her!!

October 16, 2009 at 3:33 pm
(21) Pedro says:

I know for a fact that the “asker” is of low self esteem, but if i didn’t know that, which i really do, i would say, flirt with her friends, and plan to break up with her as fast as possible, but the important thing is… don’t get mad. get even.. no wait.. don’t get even.. get winning, make her feel the same and worse and dump her. Instant life lesson to you both.

October 16, 2009 at 3:42 pm
(22) pedro says:

OH gawd.. i just read ur reply johny, ffs stop being a wussy, would you kick your woman on the face if she kicked you in the balls for no reason.. YES, its the same principle!! She is kicking your balls OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. She is destroying your masculinity and making you more and more girl than you ever want to be. MIND you i don’t mean to offend, but you need to see it this way, cause this really is very critical to you and this point in early life to get it straight for your self.
READ AND REPEAT OUTLOUD. “I Do NOT accept second class behaviour from anyone”. Now if you haven’t told her to “love herself” off you should NOW. In person. Don’t let her answer you either.. say it and leave.. u’ll see the beast crawling out of her inside when she tries to make a comeback. And THAT was the person who you “loved”.
PS: EVEN if she cries or whatever, maintain your decision, theres nothing more wussy and coward than changing your mind, especially about girls. Its better be wrong than changing your mind.

October 25, 2009 at 12:43 am
(23) Pedro E says:

Hey dude I know how you feel…the thing I did to improve my relationship was trying to talk to my friends about it and saying that it bothers me when my gf flurts. I told her about it and she said she doesn’t do it but it’s obvious when your right infront of her. The thing I did was like stopped walking her to her classes and all that kind of situations. She asked me what was wrong an I would always say “nothing” but it wasn’t true. It made her think and so she started feeling sorry and there was a point were she was really sad an that’s that’s when I struck and told her that it bothered me…and ever since she always grabbing me and cuddling with me(more than usual) and so I’m happy with her still ;) hope this helps jonny boy!

December 7, 2009 at 10:12 pm
(24) doyle says:

no! jonny boy is one of the many guys that get dissed by their girlfriend. everyone takes the girls side because they’re “so innocent” but that’s rarely true. they believe it’s ok but flirting ain’t cool. this is for all the dudes who this shit happens to. never forgive a cheater

January 8, 2010 at 10:45 am
(25) johnjohn says:

You see thats why you need to put your foot down.Since she is doing that treat her even worse than she is treating you.Dont talk to her at all and once she starts to notice and feels sad about it and asks why tell her something like shouldnt yo be flirting with my bestfriend? that will hit her hard and make her bow down and start treating you better.Ive learned from experience.

January 15, 2010 at 5:44 pm
(26) gary says:

ive got a similar prob m8 if i were u i wood try once more t tel her if no then break up with

March 22, 2010 at 7:30 pm
(27) hunterx says:

hey johnny, dont know how old you are but you have to realise you dont have a girlfriend or a best friend. If that were true you would not be here today. Most of us feel for you as life is full of these hurts for all of us. You have to read between the lines and be a fortune teller to eveade these hurts. I think you only have to tell the girl once …and should never have to tell your ‘best’ friend even once. He should have put her in her place by now if he saw she was hurting you. Obviously he hasnt. So your problem is???? hmmm…what problem Johnny?. Ditch the girl, dont worry if you loose the so called best friend and just move on and enjoy life while your young. Be prepared to do this again at some time untill you find the woman who just clicks with you and cares about your feelings as much as you care about hers. Be strong, your not a wuss, just confussed. But remember, your not loosing a cheating girlfriend, or best friend, your gaining pride and freedom and a future of happiness. Let your friend have her and let him feel the pain of his betrayal to you later when she does the same to him. She will, dont worry ;) . So move on and wait your chance Johnny, you will meet a nice young lady who will love you like you love her and with same ideals. You can change your current girlfriend now, but she will become even worse if you ever got together and married. If she is this cocky now, dont give her a legal paper to make her feel even stronger lol.
Move on and enjoy life friend…you will enjoy it better.

July 9, 2010 at 4:55 am
(28) D-Unity says:

Johnnyyy boy, OH BOY OH BOY, Your girlfriend sounds like a little *** to be honest. If she really cared about you, she wouldnt do half the stuff shes done to you. And i’m sure she dosent even care either, because thats how some people are. You need a real girl who will treat you with respect and now walk all over you like a door mat. Shes playing you like a piano, and you’re letting her do it. Hopfully you’ve broken up with her, and everything is better for you at the moment. Keep your head up! and you’ll find love someday, a love thats right for you, and only you. Were all out to find the same thing friend! Stay Strong!!

July 31, 2010 at 8:02 am
(29) Franco says:

You can’t turn a ho into a housewife. hos don’t act right.

October 31, 2011 at 8:08 pm
(30) Frank says:

+1 for great judgement

August 12, 2010 at 12:27 pm
(31) Rahul Sharma says:

I’d similar issues with my girlfriend, and it still arises sometimes. But we both trust each other and love each other a lot. When I told her about my problem, she took it seriously, and we both decided to come to an interim. I tolerate a bit while she reduced her talking to other guys while ignoring me. But we never doubted that we don’t love each other. Nevermind. Its you who’s the best guy who knows what to do. Just see if she can compromise a bit. And even you should tolerate it a bit. That’s what love’s about. Someone comes up and someone bends down to complete each other and fix loose ends. But yes, if she refuses to come down even a bit then that’s a problem and maybe she has taken you for granted. Either you can do a test to see if she also feels the “jealousy” part. If she does, then you can straightaway point it to her and she’ll then be bound to correct herself, and if she doesn’t, then its ok according to her to flirt like that in a relationship. Just see if she can compromise a bit (even you should). If she doesn’t, most probably she has taken you for granted and doesn’t respect you.

Take care. Wish you all the luck. {:-)

August 31, 2010 at 9:12 pm
(32) I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD says:

Jessh.By now, this problem’s been resolved.

I hope you unloaded her before she unleashed her evil on you by running off with your friend or something.

November 24, 2010 at 8:19 am
(33) CC Mcgee says:

If this girl has all this pent up sexual energy, do you really wanna dump her? The grass is greener on the other side? If you start “fin” up, like you most likely will, are you gonna listen to stipulations? Well, me, I’m gonna be young forever and always be at the strip clubs…thats worth it! yeah!

May 4, 2011 at 5:41 pm
(34) Dean says:

Johhny dude.. U know what I did?.. I just went and every guy my girl talked to/flirted with and gave them more than just a bloody nose including brother so she stopped immediately and I Love her ever since and now she’s the one chasing away boys

September 19, 2011 at 3:28 am
(35) shubham says:

but it is not the matter

October 2, 2011 at 12:58 pm
(36) andrewb says:

History repeats itself..she will do again and again and again to u. If your “girlfriend” flirts with anyone..bestfriend, friend, stranger..its only a matter of time when that flirt turns into a accidental kiss(esp if people are drinking)..and since shes now knows your looking out for that, she will just learn how to hide it better..truthfully arent things some what more exciting knowing u could get caught?.. i have an idea for u,go out with all ur friends on night at a bar, make sure to sit close to ur “bestfriend” and jus act like nothing is bothering u..after a few drinks when ever1 is loose, excues ur self to the bathroom..just leaving them alone. but the dont really go to the bathroom..jus go across the room and look..it may seem like a satlker lol.. but u will then see, if she will flirt without u there, u just have to make sure they cant see u, and i bet u any amount of money..that you will be very upset on what u will see..DUMP her..she those girls are just snakes..

October 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm
(37) Edward blake says:

Hey my girlfriends dad dosent want me talking to her on the phone and now shes after my best friend. What should I do? Im 15 and shes 16. Is it because I got her a touchscreen phone or what I really need help. Every time my friend flirts with her shes like even holding his hand. Is she a whore or does she just use people or what?

October 18, 2011 at 10:34 pm
(38) Colin says:

Johnny boy I’m in the same situation my girlfriend always is telling to and flirting with my best friend and it pisses me off. I’m considering ending our relationship and even though I’m only 13 I know what it’s like to feel like this. Don’t say that I font know anything cuz I’m just a kid but I know when a girl should respect you and give you more attention than anyone else because if she is dating you then that means she liked you not anyone else. If she doesn’t respect you then this means she isn’t right for you

January 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
(39) joeywall says:

I had the same problem… Break up with Her!!! I did that and a few days later she was telling me how much she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. We eventually got back together and are still together today. She does none of this now and any thing i tell her to stop she does right then and there.

February 14, 2012 at 4:38 am
(40) ben says:

dude same with girlfriend she wont ever talk to me or smile at me or even look at me i have broke up with her 9 times in 1 month or so it is ridiculous!

March 4, 2012 at 3:26 am
(41) Fu says:

To these stupid guys if she is flirting with him bad like it seems she is and hitting on him your already screwed you either man up on your friend telling him to hit it or tell her to stop or your gone. If these do not work and she goes for him then leave it was never going anywhere and she just used you to find someone like him… or that she is playing games and loves the fact that you may or may not be thinking of what they might be doing right now because chances are she is going to weather you Say so or not you pasy so man UP or SHUT UP get some f****** balls man.

March 12, 2012 at 11:26 pm
(42) Fiona First says:

Wow, as a girl I’d say the best thing to do is, as much as you don’t want to hear it, is to end it. My boyfriend is older than I am and his mates are all attractive guys, but I have never flirted nor felt inclined to do so, especially in front of him. I have attractive friends too and he no doubt thinks they are, but just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean that everyone else on the planet is suddenly ugly. But feelings, and especially actions, towards people who aren’t your spouse who are attractive should be different.
I think part of the problem for you Johnny is that you are a little submissive. I don’t think your GF knows that if she messed around with your feelings there’ll be repercussions. With my boyfriend we’ve had moments where we’ve had an argument and it would be easy be stupid and petty and flirt with his friends to piss him off, but one reason why I don’t is because I know his attitude is a “f*** that s***, I don’t play f***ing games” and I’d probably be left bf-less. Same with me, if I thought he was flirting with some other chick, trying to get a rise outta me, or testing to see how far he can get, I’m not going to stick around and let it happen, I’d end it cause who needs that s***?

April 22, 2012 at 3:52 pm
(43) Ria says:

If you find that you don’t want to end the relationship, that it is worth salvaging then talk to her about it one more time in a calm manner. If she doesn’t care and goes ahead flirting with your friends then give her some of her own medicine. The best way to do this is to flirt with her friends.
That ***** deserves it!

July 16, 2012 at 2:05 am
(44) Bella says:

Ok if it is not resolved by now it is just ridiculous so drop it people and as for Johnny boy I feel you I really do but some people do need to flirt so get over it

August 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm
(45) SARU says:

I AGREE WITH YOU.. THESE SORT OF GIRLS SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE..

September 2, 2012 at 4:13 am
(46) Denis says:

It has just happent 2me n hav left her 4 gud.du da same dude.thea r more beautiful gals out thea.

December 20, 2012 at 8:18 am
(47) Texashokies says:

Grab the keys and drive off into life bro ya just cant have a disrespectful person be your love and as they say there’s plenty o’ fish in the sea

August 26, 2013 at 7:15 pm
(48) Frankenfurter says:

Johnny Boy: Ditch the b#%$@ ! You two are NOT on the same page. She is a flirt and is just using you. Like so many have said, man up and dump her, or shut up whining.
Too many other fish in the sea. Don’t be afraid to be single. In fact it might be the best thing so that you can decide exactly what it is you are looking for in a girlfriend. Bonny is spot on, on this post!

April 11, 2014 at 1:56 pm
(49) Been there says:

My girlfriend use to do this. And would just say sorry I won’t do it again. When the flirting didn’t stop I ended the friendships. What I didn’t think at the time was that I would have many more friendships to end. That was 15 years ago and now I have been with my now wife of 13 years and like zero friends and a pretty sad personal life. A person who does not respect me as a father partner and much less husband. I should have ended my girl then the friends who didn’t respect me. You don’t need a person like that next to you. See you hear my story and you picture this looser guy with no presence. I have a great job where all my peers and bosses respect me and my advise. Leader and with a good personality. Great at parties always good at making people laugh But for some reason anyone around her seems to just make them loose respect. I lost respect. I have no power over her. Run. Run. Don’t trust her she will cry lie tell you she is going or has changed. If u have to ask over and over for these things. It’s a clear sign of a person who is self center and never will love anyone other then them. Not even kids.

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