Reader Question - Was He Going To Cheat On Me?
We're on a roll about cheating this week, so I decided to go with it and post a question that showed up in my mailbox a day or two ago; one that I hear a lot of variations of in the dating forums.
Lynn asks: I have been dating this guy for about a year and a half. We have a really good relationship together. We have plans to move in together. But before we do that, I wanted to make sure he wouldn't cheat on me. So I created a fake Facebook profile and added him. We chatted for a bit then asked to meet. I spoke with him the same night he was about to meet the fake person I created. He told me that he was going to take a nap about a minute before he had the date with the fake girl. I went to the place he was going to meet her and waited for him. He showed up. I asked him what he was doing there and he said, "Oh well I knew it was you all along." I know he's lying to me. He's a great guy and everything I ever wanted in a guy. Should I forgive him? Can we look past this?
Bonny's answer: There are so many things to address in this question, I'm not sure where to start - so let's begin with the obvious: if you cannot trust a man, then why on earth would you want to move in with him. And if you have to 'test' to see if he'll be faithful, how 'great' can the relationship really be?
I've noticed a common fear among many young women these days: the fear that their partner will lie to them, betray them, and/or cheat on them. And guess what? It happens. A lot. But there are also a lot of men who have no issue with commitment, no issue with giving their word (and keeping it), and who won't give you any reason to question their loyalty to you. If those are the kinds of things that are important to you in a relationship, why wouldn't you seek out a man who can provide them, without having to test him using carefully created traps?
I realize that none of what I'm saying here answers your question, but what you're asking isn't something I can answer for you. Why? Because (a) he's obviously not everything you want in a man (if you truly believe he was lying to you), and (b) the question isn't whether or not you can forgive him, but rather if he should forgive you. Because who wants to go through a relationship wondering whether or not they are being questioned constantly, or told they are a liar? Either you trust this man or you don't, and if you don't, its time to let you both move on.
But what do you think readers? Should Lynn forgive her partner? Do you think what she did was called for, or 'right'?
Comments
lynn the mear fact that your boyfriend repeatively caried on a conversation with this”new friend” ( and they’r always just friends , even as cetch the two of them in bed together)and that he even followed threw with this first time meet with this”friend” says everthing A he’s disshonest(if it was a inacent friendship he should have told you from the get go) and Bsince ha actually showed up to meet this friend thats says hes always seeking other interest other then yours, so backk to your question should you forgive him? well not if you want to spent the rest of you time together repeating this same deal only for reals next time,you see my dear ,once a cheat always a cheat, and theres no two ways about it you will never change him and they never ever do wake up and smell the coffee they just come up with a hole lot of things to do with thier time other then spend it with you . trust me on this i ‘ve spent 13 years of my life with the top dog of cheaters and the only out come from that is i’m a realy good investagator on the matter. know yourself and what you want in life, now and 30 years from now, always remember your self worth and sell it to no man. so my appenion “WALK AND DONT LOOK BACK” good luck
Lynn exercised an entrapment ploy and was disappointed when it worked.
She ought not see him again, but she ought to give some thought as to why she felt the need to test him.