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Bonny Albo

Dating Question About Flirting While In A Relationship

By October 11, 2009

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Dawn asks, "What is your opinion on flirting with others when you're in a relationship? I have a friend who's been dating a sweet young lady for about a year, but he flirts with other women-- including me-- incessantly. I think flirting with a stranger is OK. You see an attractive person in the store, you smile at each other, maybe have a very brief conversation, and never see each other again. It makes you feel good about yourself and gives a little lift to your day. But flirting with people you know is risky; there's a chance that it could turn into something more, and it's simply disrespectful to your partner. What do you think?"

My opinion is short and simple: if the 'sweet young lady' doesn't have a problem with it, then its really of no consequence to anyone. If they've been dating for a year, then she's well aware of her partner's flirtatious nature. If it was a deal breaker for her, then I'd hope she'd have either spoken to him about it, or ended the relationship. Plus, for all you know flirting is okay in their relationship; I have a male friend who is also dating a nice young woman, and they've agreed flirting with other people is okay just as long as they are both sexually faithful to the relationship.

Some people are natural flirts. They aren't doing it to offend their partner, they are doing it because that's who they are: outgoing, friendly and teasers. These kinds of folks are harmless and aren't going to let flirting amongst friends "turn into something more", because frankly it takes two to tango. Its the folks who hide their flirting from their partners that are of more concern - but a concern to their partner, not to you.

If this gentleman's flirting with you is bothering you, I would recommend speaking with him briefly about it the next time he flirts with you. Let him know you don't feel comfortable and if he blows it off as nothing or it being harmless, just smile and say you understand, but you'd still rather not be flirted with. If he continues to flirt with you after your conversation, slowly start spending your time with other folks, or at the very least do not allow yourself any alone time with the man.

October 12, 2009 at 12:54 am
(1) Praveen says:

my opinion is is how lovers live after dating.

October 12, 2009 at 12:55 am
(2) Praveen says:

we can explain how lovers live after dating

October 12, 2009 at 10:09 pm
(3) efe says:

flirting can become an addiction . and it can also results to problems if some one emotion is excited with no outlet. guys should learn to mind their biz.

October 14, 2009 at 2:10 pm
(4) Sally says:

It all depends on what the people in the relationship agree with. I know in one relationship I was in, we thought it was OK to flirt with other people. My most recent relationship I do not feel comfortable with it. I think it all depends on the stage of the relationship you are in. When you begin to to love, that is probably something that will eventually come up. Or you’ll experience it at some point in the relationship where you both will decide whether you are OK with it or if it’s something that makes you upset.

October 14, 2009 at 9:13 pm
(5) Dating Review Guy says:

I agree – flirting with people you meet with regularly (whilst in a dating relationship with someone else) is playing with fire. It confuses everyone involved.

October 18, 2009 at 2:00 pm
(6) Dating Site Reviews says:

I agree with the author but I feel litter disagreement as well. I agree with the fact that “sweet lady” knows about her boyfriend’s flirting nature as they are dating for one year and she doesn’t mind. But at the same time, flirting within the close circle is not always healthy. It might turn into something you never know. Personally I would say, it is ok to flirt, it is healthy for the person but not too much within close circle.

Apart from all, I would say flirting is an art. I believe probably “sweet lady” knows about it and that’s why she doesn’t mind that her boyfriend is flirting.

October 20, 2009 at 5:51 am
(7) Cyndi says:

How about flirting with the one you are involved with and feeling secure with what they feel for you. Seeking satisfacation from flirting outside of the relationship is only inviting trouble and belittling the one your involved with. Learn to flirt with each other because how they feel towards you is All that matters, isn’t it?

April 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm
(8) Dixon says:

cyndi you are absolutly right,why flirt outside your relationship when your pertiner is right there with you,people who do that do not apriciat what they have en will never be happy coz they easly invite complications in there relationships.

May 12, 2010 at 6:51 am
(9) John says:


October 18, 2010 at 4:54 pm
(10) Meghan says:

Nice article Bonny – I’d have to agree there’s always a risk involved in this and can sometimes be a thin line between being friendly and flirting.

January 7, 2011 at 11:45 pm
(11) qui qui says:

I feel like flirt is bad. u just need to kno your limint. i thinks u should trust each other and if u dnt then its no reason to be together. flirting is a good and bad thing just becareful who u flirt with thats all

November 2, 2011 at 7:41 pm
(12) lee scott derick parker says:

I’m enterested in a girl named erin sheppard and if anybody touches her I will kick there ass especcially her ugly black boyfriend jordan I already beat hom up please god do not make me do it again……..

April 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm
(13) K_9_k says:

Ok I just got in a relatationship but im a big flirt I cant help my action on flirting with some one Else

April 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm
(14) eenicker says:

October 15, 2012 at 10:57 am
(15) Frank says:

how f..up is this?. No wonder marriage in North America is in such bad shape, divorce rate is around 50%, insatisfaction is rampant. Flirt is good to kick your ego?, how about the ego of your partner?. The same people that dream about having a wonderful relationship, dont realize that it takes commintment and respect to the other to achieve such wonderful relationship. If you like beauty, how about enjoying and praising your partners beauty, if you like compliments, how about giving them to your partner and receiving them from he/she. these days many look with admiration to our elders marriages, but they dont want to see they weren’t flirting on fb with others, they lived for each others

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