How Much Do Looks Matter?
A new, short lived series called Dating in the Dark (6 episodes in its first season, pending the ok for season number two) has gotten me thinking about attraction, chemistry, and how much looks really matter to singles and dating couples.
In the show, a three men and three women date each other, literally, in the dark. They all meet in a group setting initially in total darkness, then the singles each choose who they'd like to go on a private dark date with. Then another date takes place where the singles get matched by compatibility, and the last date is singles' choice. In the meantime the singles get to see an aspect of the opposite sex that is normally quite private, such as their luggage or a tour of their home, and they also are asked to draw what they think their favorite match looks like using a professional sketch artist. At the end of the show, the singles choose one person they want to 'see' are shown each other, and then they decide if they'd like to date some more or go their separate ways.
I'll be honest: in the five of the six shows I've watched, I've been shocked almost every episode with the reactions and deal breakers. Men who were adamant they'd never date a woman who was 'thicker around the middle' didn't care when they found a connection, women walked off the set because their date was an inch too short even though the mutual attraction was obvious, and people who made out with each other extensively in the dark and pegged their date to a tee in the sketch artist portion of the show suddenly questioned their interest when they saw their mystery date for the first time.
I'm of the camp that although attraction is important, it can change and evolve based on how you know a person as well as how you feel about them. I'm also of the belief that people can change the factors of attraction (initially at least) and using techniques like those discussed in the show The Pickup Artist or the book How To Instantly Connect with Anyone by Leil Lowdnes. But take out one's looks and the whole situation changes, much like how online dating changed the face of how we connect and mate as a society today.
What about you? How important are looks to you, and would you not date someone based solely on how they present? Have you been able to change how people perceive you socially in order to attract someone? How did you do it?
I feel that a lot of men have a pleasing physical appearance, but not as many carry themselves or treat other people in a way that is as pleasing. And these aspects of a man are more important in my book. If a man is sweet and thoughtful, his appearance becomes less important.
We as humans tend to be very very superficially and looks orientated, therefore if you think that look is not important you have to argue our nature itself, and you’ll have a strong battle to fight..
Looks can be a deal breaker. Just because a person acts one way in the dark does not mean that they will be the same in the light. The old adage of “a bag over her head”applies.
There is also the warning bell /alarm inside the head when a person for some reason sets these off. To observers they can’t seem to comprehend why that person is rejected.
I think that looks absolutely do matter, and that if looks matter to you it doesn’t make you shallow at all.
Compatible personalities are important, but this alone is what creates friendships. I have a number of great friends with awesome personalities, but they’re just friends simply because I don’t find them attractive. Good looks are what take that good personality that makes them a friend and it takes it into the realm of attraction, and therefore makes them somebody you’d be willing to date.
Long story short, good looks make the difference between friends and dating prospects.
I think its hard to find a nice man anymore..they may look good outside, but the inside is bad… I could never take them home to my parents… So I decide to try online dating, because you can get to know the people first from chatting with them online and have a lot more to choices….
I have been on the dating scene for almost five years. Although I am dating 1-2 times per week, I have not had a steady boyfriend during this time. At 46 years of age, I have dated men in the range of 21 through 50 (age is not a factor) and have found that I agree with Ryan Mullowney in that “Good Looks make the difference between friends and dating”. I will go a step further to say that good looks make the difference between friends, dating and marriage. I am still friends with the majority of my dates and love each one for their own identity, but the fact remains, I would not want to wake up each morning lying next to them for the remainder of my life. I am still seeking that person who puts me in total awwwe each time he walks through the door.
If at 46 you are comparing apples to organges still, you’ve not learn much from life experiences because, looks are temporary, from the minute you walk out the door anything can happen to that so call “goodlooking person”. When a person places all his “will ask, won’t ask” mentality on a person looks, that just tells me that that person is very insecure within themself. This is why older men (and now some older women) continuously go for the younger person. They can’t admit that they’re getting old fast and probably not very well. If you hook up with that person for looks, you have to also assume that she’s hooking up with you for the same, but once your looks are gone, there is always someone younger and better looking then you are. And no one can take a self esteem hit from a person they love if that person tells them, I don’t want to be with you anymore, found someone better looking then you…no one.