A new, short lived series called Dating in the Dark (6 episodes in its first season, pending the ok for season number two) has gotten me thinking about attraction, chemistry, and how much looks really matter to singles and dating couples.
In the show, a three men and three women date each other, literally, in the dark. They all meet in a group setting initially in total darkness, then the singles each choose who they'd like to go on a private dark date with. Then another date takes place where the singles get matched by compatibility, and the last date is singles' choice. In the meantime the singles get to see an aspect of the opposite sex that is normally quite private, such as their luggage or a tour of their home, and they also are asked to draw what they think their favorite match looks like using a professional sketch artist. At the end of the show, the singles choose one person they want to 'see' are shown each other, and then they decide if they'd like to date some more or go their separate ways.
I'll be honest: in the five of the six shows I've watched, I've been shocked almost every episode with the reactions and deal breakers. Men who were adamant they'd never date a woman who was 'thicker around the middle' didn't care when they found a connection, women walked off the set because their date was an inch too short even though the mutual attraction was obvious, and people who made out with each other extensively in the dark and pegged their date to a tee in the sketch artist portion of the show suddenly questioned their interest when they saw their mystery date for the first time.
I'm of the camp that although attraction is important, it can change and evolve based on how you know a person as well as how you feel about them. I'm also of the belief that people can change the factors of attraction (initially at least) and using techniques like those discussed in the show The Pickup Artist or the book How To Instantly Connect with Anyone by Leil Lowdnes. But take out one's looks and the whole situation changes, much like how online dating changed the face of how we connect and mate as a society today.
What about you? How important are looks to you, and would you not date someone based solely on how they present? Have you been able to change how people perceive you socially in order to attract someone? How did you do it?
I feel that a lot of men have a pleasing physical appearance, but not as many carry themselves or treat other people in a way that is as pleasing. And these aspects of a man are more important in my book. If a man is sweet and thoughtful, his appearance becomes less important.
We as humans tend to be very very superficially and looks orientated, therefore if you think that look is not important you have to argue our nature itself, and you’ll have a strong battle to fight..
Looks can be a deal breaker. Just because a person acts one way in the dark does not mean that they will be the same in the light. The old adage of “a bag over her head”applies.
There is also the warning bell /alarm inside the head when a person for some reason sets these off. To observers they can’t seem to comprehend why that person is rejected.
I think that looks absolutely do matter, and that if looks matter to you it doesn’t make you shallow at all.
Compatible personalities are important, but this alone is what creates friendships. I have a number of great friends with awesome personalities, but they’re just friends simply because I don’t find them attractive. Good looks are what take that good personality that makes them a friend and it takes it into the realm of attraction, and therefore makes them somebody you’d be willing to date.
Long story short, good looks make the difference between friends and dating prospects.
I think its hard to find a nice man anymore..they may look good outside, but the inside is bad… I could never take them home to my parents… So I decide to try online dating, because you can get to know the people first from chatting with them online and have a lot more to choices….
I have been on the dating scene for almost five years. Although I am dating 1-2 times per week, I have not had a steady boyfriend during this time. At 46 years of age, I have dated men in the range of 21 through 50 (age is not a factor) and have found that I agree with Ryan Mullowney in that “Good Looks make the difference between friends and dating”. I will go a step further to say that good looks make the difference between friends, dating and marriage. I am still friends with the majority of my dates and love each one for their own identity, but the fact remains, I would not want to wake up each morning lying next to them for the remainder of my life. I am still seeking that person who puts me in total awwwe each time he walks through the door.
If at 46 you are comparing apples to organges still, you’ve not learn much from life experiences because, looks are temporary, from the minute you walk out the door anything can happen to that so call “goodlooking person”. When a person places all his “will ask, won’t ask” mentality on a person looks, that just tells me that that person is very insecure within themself. This is why older men (and now some older women) continuously go for the younger person. They can’t admit that they’re getting old fast and probably not very well. If you hook up with that person for looks, you have to also assume that she’s hooking up with you for the same, but once your looks are gone, there is always someone younger and better looking then you are. And no one can take a self esteem hit from a person they love if that person tells them, I don’t want to be with you anymore, found someone better looking then you…no one.
Wow! I’m simply shocked by the shallow comments posted here, although they really confirm what I already know after 6 months on Match.com. Yes I’m overweight. Yes I’m plain. But there’s a lot more to a person than what you see on the surface.
And let me tell you, after 6 months on Match, I despair of ever finding someone.
6 months on Match is a marathon. I did it for 1o days and decided I wasn’t interested in a relationship, just sex. I looked back on my life, and I am like you, but I can’t seem to forget the great looking actor or the perfect 10 who paid attention to me in May. I am independent enough to be fine without someone, always have been, thank God, because I am a little nervous realizing all of this.
u knw wat guys,i dnt thnk looks matter that much as long as u love tha person,once u love the person and appreciate them the way they are then al u gonna c is glow and radience on them.i believe if u r afta klooks then u r just lusting ova the innocent person
nice observation
I would say that up until recently, at 45 (looking bearly 34), looks were very important to me and as a result i found myself dating much younger men with far less gravitas than i would hope for, surprise, surprise. Recently, I met someone on the internet who I engaged in about 12 hours of very deep conversation and was totally convinced this guy ticked all the boxes, he was younger than me by 11 years but seriously had all the other attributes. From his photo I was not convinced I would fancy him, when I met him, he was really nothing to look at, but because of the time we had spent getting to know each other, I just did not consider this a problem. so it’s safe to say that I now know where the bar stands in terms of what I am looking for in a man and really have got over the looks thing. The date didn’t work out in the end because he was younger than me and probably just after sex with an older woman but now at 45 having realised looks don’t matter, perhaps I might consider the bald, corpulent , pasty guys that are available to women of my age, subject of course to them meeting all my other criteria.
yes and they have sagging tit cellulte old batttleaxes like you. Grand
I have been so busy with other issues in my life and so independent, I thought my attraction to an actor was because he was Unavailable to Me, an old therapy theory. This is probably correct in part, but when a perfect 10 paid attention to me recently, well, I haven’t gotten over either one of them. And I am not a 10. As I have more time to investigate loves, and I am not young, I find out the looks thing, a trophy, means more to me than anything, and that tells me I should be doing something else entirely with my life.
Looks is important. And if anyone ever tells you there not, they are lying. Unfortunately there is not enough really beautiful women in the world to go around for every guy, who wants one. So he settles for second best. Most really attractive women feel more comfortable with an attractive guy, because there’s already a likeness. Believe it or not, most really attractive women are quite intelligent, and know what they want and will not waste their time dating a guy that dosent place all the ticks in their list. Too them, it makes more sense to date a guy who’s tall, exersizes consistently, eats healthy and has a positive outlook on life just like they do themselves. It’s a maternal instinct, to reproduce a healthy outcome. I have always shaken my head at some of the choices really attractive women have, in their taste of men. Short bald, fat or ugly. Is it the money? For some of them sure, but to an attractive healthy mature minded women, not so. Money is not everything and it sure dosen’t buy love, and to them, looks and personality is actually important. After all, it is how we make them feel. That initial emotional connection that separates us from all the other guys weather it’s looks, money, personality or status. So my message to all you guys, is to never be afraid of dating an attractive women. Be very afraid of dating an attractive woman for the wrong reasons!
Pretty people get more options and easy things thrown at them. My brother and I both enjoyed our youth and the extra attention our looks got us. He actually really excelled in the dating arena. Life was great in our teens and 20s. Only peril was my brother didnt develop business skills, he relied on the jobs that hire young people. While I was better at school I cant help but think life was too easy for big bro. I am not rich but I did fine. My brother never made it to first base financially. We spend about 80 percent of our adulthood after our twenties. The media likes to focus on young adulthood but really its a fraction of our lives. We have so much else ahead of us after looks are center stage.