In the dating forums, a reader asks: "Why is it that when i eamil women onlie,most don't even give me the courtesy of a "no,thanks?"I've emailed or winked at hundreds of women,but hardly anyone responds.I compliment them and tell them that i'd like to get to know them better.
Nothing... what is with these ladies?why are they online if they don't want to date?
Its not that we don't want to date. Its probably one of several reasons:
- The dating site you're on doesn't purge their database regularly, so folks could be long gone and you'll never know (this is most of the major dating sites BTW);
- The profiles are merely dummy profiles, i.e. dating scammers or smaller sites trying to pump up their numbers;
- The women are overwhelmed with responses and can't reply to everyone. When I first signed onto a dating site, I received no less than 100 people contacting me a DAY. There was no way I could say, "Thanks but no thanks," to everyone;
- Keeping the last one in mind, when there are a lot of people contacting a woman, they have to use some sort of method to weed folks out easily. Spelling, grammar or typing mistakes are usually the first things they notice, and thus, rarely get a response.
- Another way of weeding out lots of online suitors is to see if the person has really taken the time to look at their profile and reply with something that seems genuine and interested. If all you're doing is copying and pasting the same, "Hey, you seem cool, wanna talk?" to all of the women you are contacting, then you're unlikely to get a response.
Several dating sites have posted their reply rates, meaning, how often people receive a reply to their first email. 1-3% is normal, anything more than 5% is excellent. Sad, I know - but if you really hear what I'm saying, you can easily increase your response rates by really reading someone's profile, commenting or joking about something they've mentioned, and making the email personal. I'd also take a look at your dating profile, as there may be something in it that's turning women off from replying to you.
Related: Why Am I Not Getting Responses To My Dating Profile?, Dating Profile Don'ts, How To Write a Dating Profile.
I am in my early 50’s and have been online many times to these dating sites. Most of the men that contact me either just send an email that says they like my profile, they have poor grammar/ spelling, the pictures on their profile are of their car, dog, backyard, shirtless, or with other women. All are turn offs. Just as much a turnoff is someone who is too flattering and complimentary in an opening email. I happen to be one of those women that always sends a “not interested” or “no thanks” note to someone who either contacts or winks at me. (many of them don’t take no for an answer, which is an entirely different column for you to write). Oh….and let’s have a column about the men that send out hundreds of winks then when the woman replies; she never hears from him back. What’s up with that? Shooting fish in a barrel with a shotgun? Bottom line: Realize that if I am really interested in you; you will know it.
This is so true. I’ve experienced the same things. The guys do it too. And it’s not only sending “winks”. I’ve sent out genuine, well written, personal notes over the years and received nothing or next to nothing in return. I don’t personally feel the internet is a good investment of time.
This is so true, they might even either be too shy or just not serious about dating. Some might work out well but if not, better find other ways to find a partner.
Me and this gurl has been talking on webcam for almost every night and I think we both like each other. For me I totally love her and I am dead sure she feels the same way for me. Here is the problem we haven’t meet each other in real. I live in Toronto and She lives in Chicago. So its very hard for us to actually meet in real. I will soon move to Windsor on campus to attend university so I’m now at Windsor which is much closer to Chicago but still far away. I am planning something this summer to go visit once but I’m not sure if thats gonna happen because of money issues. I really don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I should find someone else and I should give up on her and move on but I feel it’s the hardest thing to do. I’m really confused :S .
Part of the problem with a site like match.com is that you have to pay to play. A look at match.com’s parent company’s annual report shows match only has 1.2 million paying subscribers each quarter. Yet some reports say match has 20 milliion profiles. That’s a lot of “dead” profiles who aren’t going to respond when you write to them.
http://dadshouseblog.com/2010/04/21/match-com-okcupid-online-dating-falls-short/
Personally, I never use dating sites nothing takes the place of an intimate face to face interaction.
I’ve also signed to an online Dating site I also got many many mails. But I wouldn’t spend most of my time to respond them all. so I only respond to the mails which interests me.
Like all the other people in here, i certainly agree. I have to say that it is not really all bout the system messing up but they are just too busy to get back to some messages. If you are not really into online dating then bettet not be on and leave some souls waiting.
Online dating is truly a number game. It can be compared to looking for a job. You send out a lot of resumes and rarely receive a reply. But when you do, you need to act in a timely manner, as the man or woman writing to you, is writing to many more as well. Just like you won’t give up on your job search, you should look at online dating as a way to select someone online and meet them offline as soon as possible. Great post Bonny.
its simple, stop complimenting them, point out some thing funny or odd in there photo, or just ask if they were having a bad hair day. every guy that writes them kisses their bum. stand out !!
and say something stupid in the subject line…attractive women are hit on daily and unless you do something cool then your just another meat head trying to get in her pants.
I do not respond to emails with poor grammar or spelling. If someone wants to meet me, they should send at least a sentence/question or two in order that I would have something to which to respond.
Dating sites should purge their databases of inactive members at least ever three months. There should be a system in place that the person receives three email warnings, and then the membership is deleted.
Nevertheless, it is important that members don’t email and expect reply’s from other members who have not been active in a month or so. Personally, I only email other singles who have been on in at least the last few days.
i have been on every lesbian dating site and have not found anyone that was interseted in me i really don’t know what i must do to have a girlfriend/life partner. i’m not such a bad woman to date if only theses single ladies would give me a chance rather than base there opinion on someone online profile based on there looks and should really get to know the female inside.
@ Leisha I completely agree with you. The not-so-good thing about dating sites is that like 95% of the people look on the superficial beauty of a person. BUT just keep looking, you’ll find a partner soon.
I think the most important thing is not to take it personally. You have no way of knowing why the person is not responding. It has nothing to do with you, so I would suggest concentrating on the process, and not the end result.
Thanks Mr(or Mrs)Moderator. I ve always wondered the same all along but with all this explanations i can now understand, such sites as dating sites is clearly not a good way to invest ur time. I ve observed also that criminals make use of female pictures to entice men to patronise their sites. What an eye opener!
I was a rather active member of several online dating sites and then I went to graduate school and had NO time to date. I was still curious to see who was on (when you’re frustratingly bored, you want to know how the other half lives) and the sites wouldn’t let you browse unless you had an active profile. When people wrote to me, I didn’t have the time or energy to write back. I would have taken it off if they would allow me to browse without the profile.
I consider myself a veteran guy of online dating, three different sites at one time. I finally found the love of my life on eHarmony after a lot of effort. I learned that woman have a lot of reasons to be reluctant to dating. Perhaps a bad previous experience online or a busy life that leaves little time for dating (remember, a well-grounded person “has a life” and is just looking for someone to share it). Most often, I believe, is many women are just unsure about the protocol of online dating and are uncomfortable.
I’ve had women who broke off a date that morning, because their previous guy called from Florida. I dated a woman for three weeks before she decided she still loved her ex, four years after their divorce. I emailed and talked for weeks to three women, who would never consent to a date.
The solution, guys, is to go for quantity. I was always in open communication with ten or twelve women and emailing three or four. My limit for actually dating was two at one time. Enjoy the dating experience, and don’t get hung up when someone doesn’t respond – simply move on.
And, of course, when you find “that special person”, be kind and honest to those to whom you say goodbye. Some day you might be back in the dating game. And you also don’t want to be the cause of someone’s mistrust of men.
Incidentally, I am a 57year-old widower and my sweetheart is 56.
I am also on online dating and every time I log in I usually have so many emails. Rich and handsome men are my favorite to chat with. And I only reply on man that passes on my standards. Maybe that’s the other reason why girls don’t reply on other guys.
I don’t know about other dating sites but on Plenty of Fish, most of the men are very strange, cold-hearted creatures. There is something very wrong with that website. And the people on those forums…nasty, nasty, nasty.