The Meetcha Live blog talked about divorce being catchy earlier in the month (see: Have you caught the divorce bug?) but I hear more about 'taking a break' than anything else these days. The problem is, most folks don't really know what taking a break really means, which leads to more heartache than I have time to counsel.
One reader summed it up for me nicely the other day: "Taking a break means not cutting ties to each other, but postponing the relationship temporarily to see where things are at." I like the definition, other than the 'see where things are at' part, because its vague and doesn't list specifics.
To me, taking a break means taking a step back from a relationship that isn't meeting one or both partner's needs, and reviewing how the relationship fits into their life picture over the long term. Its about re-evaluating or redefining the relationship without the stress of the relationship itself.
The problem with 'taking a break' is that few people actually define what it means for their relationship. Does it mean one or both of you can see other people, or do you not want to muddy the waters with more? Can you contact each other (like texting), or do you really take a break from interacting on all levels? When does the break end, and how will either of you know it? What outcome(s) are one or both of you hoping for from taking a break, and do both parties know it?
The only book I've read that tackles this touchy subject is one I've talked about briefly earlier this month: Don't Break Up, Make Up by Dr. Bonnie Weil (Buy Direct). In it, Weil suggests that couples she counsels take a break to save their relationship, and outlines specific requirements to ensure everyone's needs are met. For those of you currently taking a break, I highly recommend it.
But what about you? Have you ever taken a break? Why? What happened? Was the outcome positive, or worth it to you? Why or why not?
Related: Take a Dating Break, What Not To Do After a Breakup, Can You Break Up to Make Up?
‘Taking a break’ suggests one or the other partner is feeling ’smothered’ or ’stifled’. If someone wants to ‘take a break’ from you, one thing you should never do is ‘contact’ that person in any way, shape or form. Never act ‘desperate’ …bawl…or make a scene. Make yourself a little less ‘available’. Enjoy the break and see other guys. The best revenge is to live life to the fullest. Don’t mope around or lay in bed watching re-runs of ‘Desperate Housewives’. Men can smell ‘desperate’ like a bloodhound smells a cadaver. Let him know you can live ‘with’ or ‘without’ him. And if you ‘are’ smothering him, you would be wise to remember that men sometimes need to ‘run with the pack’. Give him some breathing room and try not to act like a jealous bitch.
I would say taking a break is good because it makes one get revitalized and freshen up. But then it puzzles even further when you decide to give the other person space but they keep on sending you messages with mixed signals. Coz i think in the first place the break was as a result of a misunderstanding and you want to figure out something but someone continues to drag you back in the confusion.
I love my girlfriend and I asked for us to take a break because I felt that the problems in her life plus some of my own situations was having in effect on our relationship and holding us back from being able to have the type of relationship we could have. she had asked for time and space but wanted for us to keep contact as usual via txt and calls and just us not being around eachother as much( not that we were to beging with), I agreed but was making me feel rejected because she was acting distant and different so I asked her for us to take 2 weeks apart with out contact, my reason being not that I wanted to break up, AT ALL, but that it was to give us time and space to miss each other and to let the stress and emotions level out also to not feel rejected and wanted for us to miss eachother and not let problems ruin what we had or still have, we never really argued we always able to communicate and we get along great, she didn’t seem wanting to not have any contact so I said to forget the suggestion but she is now mad and seems not wanting to continue and ask that now she is the one that wants to to take the time to figure if she wants to continue or not… what will happen? I don’t know…. I do know that I love her and if she loves me she will see and want for us to be together
So me and my boyfriend agreed on taking a break a few days ago, it hurts like hell but I totally understand it. He’s older than. Me 8yrs to be exact. I’m just starting to get on my feet as in ill be buying my 1st car in less than 2months. He’s financially paying for everything we do all the dinners, movies, golfing, mavs game b4 they won everything. Plus he’s coming back and fourth to come and pick me up about 35mins back and fourth so I understand this break. I’m just scared as to how long its going to be. I asked him does he think it’ll help us and he said yes. He told me he needs at least 50/50 or 50/40 coming from me which is why I understand this break. But then again he said were able to date he said he Is not getting into any other relationship with anybody, but why date hmm idk that’s the part that had me thinking but I have to give him his space I’m forcing myself not to contact him even though he said we should still keep some kind of communication going. I can only hop and believe what he says because I don’t want to lose him. Me trying to get on my feet will be good for me to get on track with things. Of course I would love to pay for dinner or a movie every once in a while now that I have a job I can do that. So I’m praying that this break is a good thing in the end and that we will get back together. Praying that it’ll make the relationship better for the both of us. If anyone has any advice please reply to Kianna, thanks
me an my boyfreind were exactly 8 months wen he asked for a break.. at that time i didnt understnad, i couldnt face the fact that he was gna be gone.. i tot that we were still toghether bt jst didnt talk…. no it want like that he told me ..that it was better if we seen other people and dt wtevr we had was veryy special but we couldnt be toghter.. i got really depressed even lost 20 pounds.. i didnt want to face realty.. i never did i was soo blinded by the word he usyo tell me.. he would say i love yuh.. i dont knw wt i would do withoutnyuh..( BLAH BLAh)… he was the sweetest ting that ever happend too me..
we eneterd high skol and wt a sursprise i had him for 1st period..it scared me by the time we got bak toghther, caused becuse he got jelous.. he seen me wen i was dateing my boyfriend.. he realized i moved on,he tot i wasnt strong enough too get over him but i did… and it hurt him,he wanted me bak.. we did go bak and broke upp.
last time that we went bak, we were seperated by family,his family tryed too seperate us,for a bad dicion me and him did that day,… we kouldnt be toghther till he fixed things with his family..he did bt he decided that it was better to move on…
it hurt me becse i tot all the things he promiised me that this time it would work out were reall. bt they wornt.. he told me this a day after winter brake… i ishh that wen we go bak to skol and he sees me he will realixe that he loves, me hopefully he doesnt realize it toolate… wen im already wit soemone eals, becuse nits hard trying to decide who to saty with… when yuh love themm both. ive been in this sittuation 4 time.. only 2 of the times ive done the right dciond..
but i dint regret enything and yuh shuldnt either.. all the mistakes we doo is our choices, and wtever good or bad comes out of it,we are gna have to face and live wit..the rest of out life we like it or not….