Jeff asks: "Me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly four months now. Throughout the whole time I've noticed that when we are together she often oogles other guys. She rarely stares long because if she does she knows I will see her looking. I've confronted her about it once before but it still happens. There is one guy in particular that she seems fond of and it bugs me. What should I do? What does this mean? Is she losing interest? Am I wrong for being upset about this?"
My opinion? You're taking things a bit too seriously. Do you not oogle women at all when you're out and about? Sure, she could be a bit more respectful if she's oogling guys in front of you non-stop, especially if you've mentioned it to her before. But in the grand scheme of life, she's being appreciative of others and not much more.
Now, if she's leering and can't keep her eyes off every hot guy that walks by or if she ignores you completely for five or more minutes at a time to oogle someone - then there's a problem. But you even say she doesn't "do it for long" because you believe she's trying to be respectful to you. To me, that says a lot, and in a positive way. Her natural tendency (from what you've shared) is to oogle other guys, but she's trying to reign it in for you.
Does this spell disaster for your relationship? It could if it matters so much to you that the behavior has to stop cold turkey for you to feel appreciated by your girlfriend - and this is perfectly acceptable if that's a requirement for you, just be aware it may not be something your girlfriend can give you. Some people are natural flirts and others are naturally appreciative. If the oogling is coming in between the two of you to the point of you considering ending things, or if it makes you wonder if she's looking elsewhere, try turning the tables for a day. Don't say anything, but when the two of you are out and about one day, oogle as many women as she does men in the exact same way. If she notices and says something, shrug your shoulders and give her the same response she gave you when you confronted her on the topic. She'll likely get the hint and work harder to change her own behavior. And if she doesn't? Then you know there is a major incompatibility between the two of you (to oogle is acceptable for her but not for you), and it may be time to reconsider your four month long relationship.
What do you think readers? Do you agree or disagree? Have you been in this situation? What did you do?
I was in a situation exactly like that. My ex couldn’t stand me looking at other men. It was to the point where it has gotten physical. In my opinion, if your looking what harm is in that??? The look but don’t touch saying is true. As long as nothing physical comes out of it, why worry? As long as she is with you and not with other men I don’t see anything wrong with it…
Looking at other men or women is natural – specially if the person is goodlooking. No matter how goodlooking the person you looking at this moment there is always someone more goodlooking walking around the corner. Girls looking at guys and guys looking at girls is very natural. And it should be that way. If this guy can not tolerate his girl friend checkingout other guys then he should end his relationship with her and try someone else. But it will be hard to find a girl who will only look at his current boyfriend. Come on it is 2009! Freedom of Expression.
are you people serious? If any guy looks at another girl your gonna get hell from your girl. So men should let their girl oogle other men? hahaha yeah right. Ive met hundreds of friends whos girlfriend would go crazy if they even suspected their man was looking at another women. Why cant it be the same for men? this is stupid. yeah women leave your man cuz he doesnt like you looking at other men. and im not bitter or anything. i have the love of my life and we are EQUAL.
It sounds to me like you’re worried that you can’t compete with these attractive guys that your girlfriend is oogling–particularly the one guy you mentioned. That comes off as insecurity, which isn’t really attractive in and of itself, and it sends the subtle message that you don’t trust her (do you have any reason to distrust her?).
So my advice: Don’t bug her again about the oogling. That increases, rather than decreases, the odds that she’ll leave you.
I have a similar problem but it’s my boyfriend who is the one looking at the women. I get so upset to the point where I feel I should end things but the truth is that I am terribly insecure and am so afraid he’ll leave me for one of these hot girls. I guess it is my issue to deal with. He doesn’t do it all the time but he subtlety looks and that STILL makes me angry. I don’t know what to do but I figure now by reading your responses that if he is only looking, then that’s fine.