When Do You Take Down Your Online Dating Profiles?

I know that I think about this often and if I have had what I qualify as a great date, it is potentially damaging to the relationship and to my self esteem to discover the other person online and checking the profiles daily. I find men can be very touchy when suggesting that we mutally take down our profiles while seeing if we have a chance to learn about each other. I think if you have been dating for say a month that both should mutually agree to take down their profiles.

I think that leaving your profile up while your in a relationship shows that you have one foot out of the door, and can prevent a relationship frow growing fully. Your still advertizing yourself as single!

It’s definately a touchy subject. Inevitably, one or the other is spying to see if the other has been “active” online. It can be frustrating and painful to see an imbalance in online activity. Generally speaking, the “hook” in any relationship is the “L” word. Once spoken, it changes everything..and most definately the profiles should come down. If they don’t come down naturatlly (without talking about it) at that point, then perhaps there may be some flight risk that could lead to heartbreak.

Thanks Kate. You’re right. Just having your profile online can put a limit on trust and you can’t really have true intimacy without trust.

Here’s my two cents: I’ve been dating online on and off for a few years, and I’ve had to face some truths about my own expectations. Communication is as important as trust, and two people have to define what a relationship means to them. One or two great dates doesn’t automatically make you exclusive, and until you have a commitment, you can’t expect someone to not date others. Your self-esteem should never be dependent upon how much someone else likes you. It’s important to remember that although you might get along well with someone, you might not be looking for the same things. Not everyone on a dating site is looking for commitment, and it’s important to find that out early. Also, someone who is spying to see what the other person is doing after a few dates is setting themselves up. I only know about how Match works, but I’m auto-signed whenever I’m online, so it doesn’t mean I’m on the site. Also, my email goes to my personal email, so it could say I’m active just because I opened the emails; I could have responded that I was seeing someone and waiting to see where it goes…you just don’t know what is going on if you can’t be honest and ask. Someone who just spies, is bringing pre-existing trust issues to the table. You don’t have to wait and see what happens naturally; if you are really into someone and want to pursue it exclusively, tell them. If they don’t feel the same way, you know, and you can move on. Not discussing it is just a way of avoiding hearing that the other person doesn’t feel as strongly as you do.

Hello Cat, these are all valid points but you didn’t answer the core question. When would you take down your profile? As for spying, I agree that after a few dates the expectation that a committed relationship exists would be unreasonable. However, we have been hurt by a relationship and taking a reassuring peek to see if the other person is still on-line isn’t totally unreasonable. For me, I disabled my account as soon as I decided to pursue a long-term relationship. I assumed that she would check and wanted to send the signal that I was serious, could be trusted and wanted to give the relationship a chance. Besides it only takes a few minutes to activate of even recreate a profile.

It definitely is a tricky subject. You have 1 person who is dating multiple people therefore leaving the profile up. You have another person who is trying to build a relationship with just this one person then starts spying.. or maybe feels he might get rejected, or is bored at home alone so he goes online anyway and sees the other person on. Then he doesn’t know if he should even contact the first person. I stay away from the “you looking” “no strings attached (nsa)” people online because to me they seem skanky. Quality not quantity.

I’d like to add that there are “Gay Relationship” books out there in helping with the “Gay Dating World”. I think the world of gay dating is a very complicated subject and one that needs to be addressed more often and more specifically within the gay community itself. Gay people have a unique background due to societal effects that differ from heterosexuals who are almost expected to marry. The fact that gay marriage is not legal in many states in my opinion hurts the basic foundation of long term relationships. There are many people who want relationships and other people who have been hurt, feel bitter, and in turn have a tendency to say things that disparage an honest soul’s quest for a relationship. I think relationship searching and building should be encouraged and not discouraged by the confused and defensive Gay Community. If not in a traditional sense, let’s at least explore what two same sex partners really want without outside society affecting us.

in my opinion you should take your profile off after you and the person you’re with have established that you are now a couple. if you’ve been in a relationship past 3 mths, why would you even bother still having it? there’s no need to further advertise. thats basically all that it is, an advertisement. so you should diffently take it down after you’ve become serious with someone.

A note to say how grateful I am to have found this site, and to read all the above comments. I am in currently in a situation that’s been described, and it is quite unsettling. (I’ve taken my profile off, he hasn’t )
And, I’m afraid to bring it up……wierd ……
Why should someone get upset if you ask them to
hide or remove their profile?
by the way – Happy Turkey Day

GW,
I had the same thing happen to me. Just look him in the eyes and ask him why. Thats what I did and turner she just didn’t thing about it. With this I got us each a glass of wine and we removed our accounts together in a ceremonial fashion. I’m sure it will go the same for you. But if he insists on keeping it he’s… so run! Especially if its been active.

Thanks Mike. Good advice. Love how you made a ceremony out of the occasion!

I have no idea!!! I really like him. We have been talking for a month and have only gone out 3 times. We both have crazy work schedules. Believe me it’s not an excuse. I would love to take down my profile but don’t know if it’s too soon. I would love to be with him exclusively. I don’t think it’s time yet to bring it up to him. We women always assume that men think like us. THEY DON”T AND THEY NEVER WILL… They are more simple, logical and analytical than us. We women over analyze everything based on our feelings. SUCKS doesn’t it?

My BF just took down his profile about 5 mins ago. lol In our case, I have been very experienced in online dating and this was his very first time, he was on there only about 2 weeks before we felt exclusive. He was the one who initiated “quitting” and “unsubscribe” but as some of you may know, on Match.com, “unsubscribe” and “hide profile” are 2 different steps, and I think there are all sorts of trick to keep you “online”.
So I noticed his profile was on even after “unsubscribing” and also he was logging in here and there.
On the other hand, I felt our relationship was going better. I understood his curiousity to “look” even if he says he is not “responding”, but started to bother me. So, tonight, I politely request to take it down, he did it in matter of few mins. I still wish he did without me telling. Well after all I feel better now… As some of you said, I think communication is most important!

hmmm….you’re being naive Bonny if you think that just by writing the right paragraphs a person will “attract” dates. Because 95% of the people checking out dating profiles look at the photo first. Actually most of them ignore the profiles without a photo, so if you look as hell or close to it, no matter what you write in there will hilt. And besides, I don’t think anyone actually believe what’s written in a profile, because they are all so general and say the same thing (most girls love dancing, reading, listening to music, long walks, a caring man/with loads of money if possible, especially if the girl is YOUNG:P). So… getting to meet face to face mainly depends on how good you look on the PROFILE PHOTO, not on what it writes in the profile.

A friend of mine (man) met a girl on a dating site, chatted on messenger and on the phone for a month or so, exchanged photos (he sent her a photo, she didn’t), things were looking good, they shared many things in common. But when they met face to face, she was so boring and was in fact ugly. so he excused himself after 30 minutes and got together with his beautiful ex-girlfriend again. So you get the point:))

I don’t think you’re being dishonest if you don’t mention it. If you say you’re a super model type or skinny, then that would be misleading. But, I don’t believe it’s a lie if you just don’t talk about it. I agree with you that there are just way too many people out there right now who are WAY too into physicality. We need to take a look into peoples’ souls a little more before we judge them for how they look on the outside.

Rehab, I’m not sure if you meant to reply to this specific blog posting or not, as this one is about taking down your profile when you’re in a relationship.

Still, I’m not sure if naive is the word; I’ve used the Internet to meet people for more than a decade now, and I agree with you that photos are important. Extremely! Which isn’t to say that photos don’t lie, but at least it gives you a general idea of who you are speaking with.

This is a huge grey area, so one must delve deeper into the intangibles. First off, who normally pays for initial dates ? That would be the man. Second off, who normally gets more “hits” with regards to online dating ? That would be the female.

Next up, lets agree that we are talking about people that are older than 35 ( those that have been around the block, and should know what they are looking for ).

So lets say you go on 1 date, have a great time, have a few phone calls, go on another date…if she is checking out her profile every day, chances are good she is fishing for someone else.

In the meantime, how beneficial is it for the guy to be paying for all these early dates, when she is looking elsewhere ?

Vince, so I’m reading your response and it leads me to further questions. I am older than 35 and a female, recently (6 weeks ago) began seeing a gentlemen also older than 35; he has paid for all the dates thus far; I made my cupid profile inactive 2 weeks ago and told him that I did. I am not fishing any longer, but he still checks his. Incidentally he doesn’t have a pic up on his so probably gets very few hits, but I don’t want to assume too much.
So do you think he’s still fishing?
I liked the comment earlier about the “L” word and I had just figured I would wait around for it and then say something about the profile. That is his decision, I just wish he would make it!

Thank you for posting these comments. I just ended a relationship with a guy that I care alot about. I needed reassurance that I did the right thing.

We just met this past NYE we hit it off from the beginning and have been talking and spending alot of time together. We told each other that we weren’t going to date anyone else yet we both remained on Match. As time passed and we got closer, I felt really uncomfortable when I logged on and saw him on the site. I felt like I was cheating on him when I read or replied to other mens emails. He told me that he wanted to be on the site because he liked chatting with women about single parenthood issues.

In my opinion, its like having your cake and eat it too, not taking that step toward a future but leaving your options open.

Actions speak louder than words . . . I believe that it shows good character to removed your advertisment in the singles section once you and your sig. other decided to date only each other.

Once you two decied to date exclusively and the other person doesn’t remove their advertisment then it implies that they are not really committed to dating just you – no matter what they say, actions speak louder than words.

As far as people saying someone has trust issues because they are not okay with their sig. other keeping their advertisment active; that is a trust issue. You either are in a relationship or you are not; kind of difficult to kind of be in one don’t ya think?

I’ve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.

I find myself coming to your blog more and more often to the point where my visits are almost daily now!

I am a women in my 40’s. I have been dating online on and off for about 4 years. I once dated a guy for about 3 months. We did not fall in love and it never really got serious. He was online everyday. This really hurt because I’d spend the night there. Then as soon as I left he was online. I fianlly woke up on that one. If the person guy or girl says the words that he/she wants to date exclusivly…then the profile needs to come down. I have heard every excuse in the book as to why it does not. I forgot..I don’t know how to deactivate it…I never think about it when I’m on my computer….on and on blah blah blah.. It takes less than 5minutes. And if they are not taking it down it is because this:::: THEY ARE STILL HOPING TO FIND SOMETHING BETTER. I know that can hurt..but it is the truth. I am see a guy now that I met on line. He told me several times that he took his profile down to just date me. I left mine up. We have only been going out a month. So the other day I found him on another dating website!! Hahah can you belive it. Well I knew it was too good to be true. I told him I found him on other dating websites. He said he is not active on the other ones,…..and this is true. Since we’ve only been dating a month. I am letting it go for now. But I will be watching. Yeah…watching is a little pathetic…but if you have ever been cheated on via online dating while married…you learn to watch! We all come from different background and stories and we can’t help the hand we were dealt.

What’s up, is there anybody else here?
Is anybody here looking to network, let me know.
Oh, and yes I’m a real person and I hope are you too. What’s up?

Peace

This is one of the tricky issues that comes with online dating, and one that left me with a bad experience (young male).

Since the dating site becomes essentially the go-between between two people interested in each other, this virtual aura hangs over any relationship that is built and creates, like others have said, an imbalance of trust. My advice would be to be an open book to your dating partner when removing your profile the minute you do it.

Ah wow, so many of these stories sound like mine. I met a guy on one dating site. We were talking back and forth via the email, then text for about a month. We finally met for dinner a month ago, and have been out a few times since them. We have a lot of fun together, and a lot in common, etc… He pays for all the dates, initiates contact with me, comes out of his way to see me and go on dates. We did talk about the whole profile thing online. His told me his is still active, but that he did not renew it and should be expiring soon, but he still logs in regularly. He says he doesn’t get a lot of action, or people even contacting him. I am new to the dating scene after being married, so I don’t know when it’s appropriate to hope or expect to deactivate the profiles or stop checking them. As others have said this really raises a red flag in the trust department to me. We have talked, we are dating, and not dating other people and seeing where this goes. He is extremely open, and honest, and has told me many times to talk to him and ask him anything. So I’m planning on it this weekend when we see each other. Am I over reacting, should his profile be deleted by now, or does it just need more time. I hate to jump to a conclusion on this, but do not want to be used and played.

You’re a cheater if you’re still posting as Single in a dating site.. or at least you’re still have an account in a dating site while on a relationship.

Wow! So many people don’t have the basics down. Don’t force your moral code on others. Right? I am assuming that people would agree, but maybe I shouldn’t seeing how so many people seem to proceed from a position that it’s okay to assume that everyone sees things the way they do. Also, If not communicating with those with whom you want to share intimacy is normal, expect problems. Sure, It may lead to a lot of discussion online in forums like this, but if the only way for people to have discussions (a good thing) is for them to create problems for themselves that they needn’t create (a bad thing), then nothing matters.

In my POF profile – which girls usually like even when it also infuriates them – I make a point of suggesting, as one thing to do on a first date, that we are clear up front about what we are looking for. It may not seem like fun, but I actually think that ‘not’ doing so is problematic.

Well I always keep my profile until it get serious. I will never play on more than one horse, but if the relationship crack right quickly, well then it will be easy to return to the online dating with a open profile. I probaly already have used a lot of hours building it up with great text and pictures.

your blog always gives us useful information.

I’ve read every comment on this dubious question.
The way I see it, once you’ve made it clear to someone that you really like them, having your profile up is moot. That does nothing but make the person you’re dating uncomfortably curious, and there is no legitimate excuse for leaving it up. You either want to flirt online or you don’t, it’s very simple. If a man is a decent gentleman he will be interested in you enough to focus on you and hide his profile, without you having to ask him! Don’t ever doubt your instincts if you feel you’re being played, self-respect is key. You don’t need to see his status as ‘online’ more than once after a date of sweet talk, to know something is off. Nowadays it’s extremely common for men to date without any intentions of commitment, so they can continue to online shop for perfection (which will never arrive). Online dating is becoming a harmful addiction in the ‘new age’, as people become too comfortable with a computer screen, instead of face to face or voice to voice contact. Play the game and you may be lucky, but always be aware.

From experience and conversations with others, it seems every guy that stays online blames the female for insecurities. It is NOT a difficult concept to grasp that after they have confessed feelings for a woman, that staying up on the site makes women uncomfortable. Even innocent attention from others is a lack of focus. A man cannot possibly put all his attention into a possible relationship with a potential mate, if he’s flirting online. If he’s truly interested, the only fun & games he needs is you. It does not take long to weed out the ones who subscribe to find love from those who subscribe to play online. And the committment-phobes will use every excuse possible to convince you staying online is perfectly innocent. Think for yourselves ladies.

I completely agree with the comments that say a man (or women in many cases) will either delete or hide their online dating profile without being spoken to about it as soon as they are serious about the relationship. I didn’t even know that the guy I was dating had a profile anywhere (i don’t do online dating myself). When I asked him what we were to each other about a month into dating, he told me we were together and exclusive and told me he had hidden his online profile because we were together. That’s what any decent person who is serious about their partner will do. As soon as the idea of exclusivity comes up, any profiles should be gone.

What a bunch of trash. I met a girl online and we went out twice. She initiated contact as her profile is always off. We had a great time both times and I really like her. But I fear that her insecurity of seeing me online is an issue because she is more distant now but hasn’t said anything. Most places tell the guy to ditch her if she is online but that is retarded to me. She may just be seeing if I’m on. I go online to see what emails etc I have. I only date one woman at a time. I just wish she would ask.

William, darlin’, grow up! You are 35 and saying ‘you wish she would ask’! YOU ask! Or TALK with her about her asking! Life’s too short to have to read people’s minds. Lighten up and just live it! Make some mistakes, talk about what’s real, what you expect or want, or just think about it instead. Your thoughts are your own, you can share them. Or not. It’s not illegal/immoral to think whatever you want. Phoning someone and/or dating is not a marriage proposal! But you’ve gotta start somewhere. If you really don’t want to know what they are doing online, then don’t look! But … mebbe talk about the difference between cyber-relationships (all theoretical, maybe looking for ‘miss/mr perfect’?), and reality. Both are OK, but the real one is easier to really make something of. Everyone’s just doing their best, I reckon. Best to you all and Happy New Year. May true love and friendship come your way. (And if you know any gorgeous over 50’s men, just let me know!).

I have never done any online dating myself. I have been seeing a guy for 3 months now. It’s going extremely well. He is a gentleman to me. He seems to trust me, has confided various private information to me. After nearly 2 months of dating he told me he really liked me, could we be exclusive and would I be his girlfriend.

But, two weeks ago my friend who has her own dating profile online told me that she had seen a profile for him on the same site. Curious, she clicked on his profile to see that it listed him as “online now” and his profile states that he is “looking for women for dates”
I thought maybe it was an old profile he has forgotten about. My friend and another friend of mine (he hasn’t met either of these girls by he way so would not recognize their profiles) emailed him from their accounts. To see if he would respond. They have messaged him 3 times in total and he never responded. Also one of them saw him online one evening and tried to “chat” with him but he didn’t answer. I have also set up a profile with a fake photo and emailed him from that. He never responded.

I am very confused by this, I know he is not physically seeing anyone else. He wouldn’t have any time to. Also if he was actively seeking dates online why didn’t he respond to numerous offers from the “fake” me and my friends? But if he isn’t responding to any offers why bother still logging in from time to time to check? I log into the site from time and he still visits maybe twice a week.

It is very upsetting for me as this guy is wonderful and is constantly telling me how much he likes me and how great a time he has with me. We also have a great sex life by the way. His friends have all accepted me into the circle and are always inviting us out as a couple , they even contact me directly, so they obviously know he is serious.

But why the active dating profile. Please help. If a guy could give me an honest opinion I would really appreciate it.:(

Wow, amazing post. ?

I’d appreciate some advice… My story is somewhat different from the others in that he and I live in different states. Met on fitness-singles. Emailed for two months. Scheduled a visit to see me. Prior to his visit, my subscription ended, so I hid my profile so as not to get any more emails, though I did get some from previous corresponders. I logged in now and then, and noticed for about a week his was still on. Another week goes by and his profile is gone. Clearly hidden. Though I’ve noticed he was still active. I can still see his profile because we’ve emailed and that’s how fitness-singles works. So then I got to checking his activity, while I was hidden. Silly cat and mouse. What do you make of that? I know why mine is hidden and active now – checking on his activity. I wonder why his is hidden and active… any ideas other than he could be doing the same as I am? I have deactivated my profile, so what he sees of me is ‘no longer a member’, and he cannot see that I have logged in.

Anyway, we finally met in my state a couple of weekends ago. He stayed at a hotel; though that did not stop the ‘intimacy’ after a couple of dates. Now I feel like such an idiot because he’s been back for a week and has contacted me only by email 3 times, no phone call. This is his typical MO from before we met, I just thought after meeting, claiming he had a great time, wants me to visit, wants to come back that he would contact more. I want to add he has been a perfect gentleman (he’s late 40s, I’m early 50s), emails always proper, but in person is more fun and engaging. So I dont get it, other than to assume he’s just not that into me. I’d be OK with that, just want it defined. Part of me wonders if he’s following my lead; he knows I’m not into rushing things, not interested in marriage. Thoughts anyone?

SO i am in this situation. I found out after suspicion that my current gf of over three months now is on a website and actually sending and recieving messages. when i confronted her about it she said she was bored and was just doing it for fun. I on the otherhand am completely insulted, i feel used, hurt and like the last 3 months have been a lie. but the problem is i really care about her. she took it immediately down and none of the messages were really that bad just sort of casual talk/flirting. no plans to meet phone numbers etc. but now im worried about trust and wether i should even continue. maybe i should just take the heartache now? or is there hope.

No, there is no hope. She is acting in a dishonest and disrespectful way. Her message to you is……I’m staying with you until something better comes up. Find a girl who does not get bored and who has a life!

When I open your RSS feed it seems to be a bunch of strange characters, is the malfunction on my reader?

I am new to online dating. I would like some feedback please. I have gotten so many different opinions it makes things quite confusing. If I have been talking to the same person for two months now online only and we have not met yet but he assures me we are going to in a few weeks is this considered a real relationship. Some say yes and some say no because we have not met in person. I have found though that your really do get a bit emotionally invested though. The only reason we have not met yet is because he is in the service and is retiring and again will be here in a few weeks. He emails me everyday. We chat online everyday and he expresses his feelings for me everyday. He has also sent me maybe pictures of himself and his children and I have to. I am a realist so for me no expectations no disappointments and then I keep from getting my hopes up. What do you guys and gals think about this. Does he seem like he is on the up and up. He has not revealed any personal information as far as a phone number yet but then again neither have I. He lives in the same city as me though when he does come home.

Thanks,
Jodi

1 potato

I have been dating a guy from the net for the past 5 months. He has closes at my house which he left here, is either at work or with me so why the dating profile? I can see it clearly when he his on his laptop and hasnt hid it from me so is he playing games or is he just not bothered it is still up. Its on his fb page and is are you interested which is easily removed. I havent spoken to him about it as I know its a touchy subject. I am unsure of what to do next as he has told my friends that he wont hurt me and intends to be with me for a very long time..

I have been seeing a guy from online for five months. We go out once a week sometimes twice, because of his schedule is different from mine. When we are together he talks like he likes me alot. He said he can not have a committment now. He is still on line and said he is paying for it so he will stay on. He just looks at his emails and etc. He is very good to me, gentleman. He is not dating anyone else. What are your comments on this?

Wow all these posts have convinced me that I made the right decision! I was dating someone I met on Match for over 2 months. things where wonderful! We spent a lot of time together and always had a great time but he would still log in almost everyday. When I spoke to him about how much this bothered me and how this made me feel “Like he was still searching and was taking time away from him to really get to know ME” he said he still had a few months left on his membership and that he would do it just to kill time, he also used the “You are insecure” card. It bothered me so much that he continued to search even after I communicated to him how it made me feel, that I realized he was just not that into me..so I broke it off. He still blames it on my insecurities and almost had me thinking it was insecurities until I read all these posts! Glad I did because it just reassured me I definitely made the right decision!!

I met a guy online and we were dating for about two months. Spent every weekend together. He said he only wanted to date me and to see where it world go. I told him I took my profile down. We went away for my birthday and spent a wonderful weekend together. He told me he had nothing to hide and gave me his passwords. I found out that he was active on two dating sites and sent out four messages after our weekend together (the same night we returned). Telling the girls they were cute and if they would like to chat sometime. Needless to say. I kicked him to the curb!

I met a girl recently on match.com. We emailed for 2 weeks (longest ever for me as I usually eamiled afew times and then meet), we met, 2 hour meet and greet, then met again a week later. The 2nd date was great, we almost had sex though we both agreed not to. Since we have talked about a 3rd date.

What’s strange is she turned off her profile before our first date. I did not. She turned it back on 2 days after our 2nd date. I turned mine off. 2 days after our 2nd date. She told me how much fun she had, that she wanted to go slow though she really liked me. I felt the same. I like her, a lot, though the almost having sex was too fast for me too.

Prior to our first date she said she turned her profile off as she was getting too many emails. She turned it back on briefly before our first date to share 2 more photos with me, she said. I do not understand why she turned her profile back on after our 2nd date, and after we made plans for a 3rd date. Now I am hesitant to go thru with the 3rd date.

Help! I’m a head case.

I’ve been online dating on & off for years. I went on a date on Friday. We went to the movies then talked for an hour or. We seemed to click. When I got home I checked to see if he had logged into the dating site. He hadn’t which made me feel good. Then I thought , he prob just went home and crashed. The next day he was on & off all day long.

He brought dinner over Saturday night. We watched a movie, ended up having sex, which I regret. I should have slowed things down. After he left I texted him asking if he wanted to see me again & he said “of course, I’m free Monday” i said “cool” Because im a head case i got online & he wasn’t on, then i checked 5 minutes later & he was online! It hadn’t been 15 minutes after he left & he was checking his online dating messages. I am a complete psycho for checking. After all we had only 2 dates.

It’s Sunday & i checked on & off all day and he was on a few times Its evening now & i just got on to see if he was online and YUP he was online. I called him to see how his day was but he didn’t answer. Soooo here is where I just typed impulsively and it’s been eating at me since.

I said

How can u be online here yet not answer your phone? I’ve noticed you’ve been on a lot since we met. I had fun this weekend, blah blah blah blah. I’m canceling Monday. It was nice meeting you. Good luck.

What did I do?!? What is wrong with me. Ive been thinking about this situation since I messaged him. Now I’ve been sad and don’t get to be excited about seeing him tomorrow. We went out twice. I know I look super crazy and insecure.

Also I had left him a sexy message on the site to flirt and he didn’t reply WHEN HE WAS ONLINE. I also called. He hasn’t contacted me since last night so I slammed the door on this.

Id really love to hear from MEN. I’m a beautiful woman with a great personality. I have just been mind screwed by all the guys I’ve met online. Sigh

Also

Any advice on learning how to trust. I’ve never been cheated on but I’ve been lied to in the worst ways. The guy has never come clean. I’ve always just figured out the lie. It has messed me up bad. I know this is why I am single. One of two things happen. I ask insecurity questions too soon or I just slam the door shut like I did above sending him the message to take care. This acts as my wall so I can’t get hurt.