It's during the holidays that, when single, I become a huge sap. Even if I'm happy not being in a relationship, I still find I long for a partnership during the holidays.
Readers of this blog already know I'm a romantic at heart, even if recent studies are showing more and more people are favoring a lifestyle of hooking up, casual sex and friends with benefits instead of actual dating (see The Definition of Dating and The Death of Dating? for more on this topic).
Having said all of that, this doesn't mean that I'll jump into a relationship because I'm feeling a bit lonely by myself under the mistletoe. Being swept off one's feet by a romantic stranger just seems better in the movies sometimes -- which is why, whenever I find myself in this frame of mind, I watch movies like While You Were Sleeping and When Harry Met Sally. Again.
I don't normally go out of my way to watch romantic comedies, or even sappy romances for that matter. Yet during the holidays, I can't seem to get enough of the romantic holiday movie fare. Especially when I'm single.
Am I the only one, or do other singles feel this twinge of something or other this time of year? What do you do about it, if anything at all?
I used to be somewhat sappy, especially when Christmas came, but I have developed a way around that, because in my heart, I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of having someone on my arm at Christmas or the ever looming New Year’s Eve celebrations. What I do, I keep busy with life, all of the things that I normally do, and the big change, I volunteer. It is the best thing I could have done for myself. Volunteering and helping those that cannot help themselves, grounds you and gives you a whole new direction to take those thoughts of romance and put them in a back drawer somewhere. I watch commedy movies and funny Christmas movies, it lightens your heart and reframes your perception of the holidays. Happy Holidays!
I feel more than a twinge! It’s very hard. Try to concentrate on making others happy and planning not to be alone too much. It isn’t working all that well, but I’m trying………….
Hi,
‘To be loved’ is a natural desire. But I think as other desires, there is a healthy and unhealthy part of it. What I discovered in myself is I judge myself by the value people impart to me by caring or loving for me. This is another aspect of people-pleaser personality in me. I am sharing this because may be some of us have the same problem as well. The solution is not to indulge in escapist pleasures like watching romantic movies, romantic fiction, etc and satisfy that desire vicariously, but to build a solid foundation of self-esteem. I recommend one book highly – The psychology of Self-steem – by Nathniel Branden. I learned a lot from this book.
I’m finding the holidays especially difficult. The woman I was dating broke up with me this past weekend, after already committing to another date (the fourth) and having made plans for New Year’s Eve. She simply changed her mind about continuing our relationship (we were getting serious). But why just before Christmas!? Now all I think about is my deceased wife and how happy we were for 32 years. Back on the topic, sappy movies at this time just make my emotions worse. Best to keep busy. Shopping, wrapping, eating, sleeping. Wake up and repeat. Just hopping to survive until January!
I feel the same way. The rest of the year I am not sappy but Christmas just brings it out. I watch Christmas stories on hallmark and LMN! HAHAHA Crazy huh
Single and the holidays, curse or blessing in disguise? After surfing tonight and finding nothing but “Diamonds are forever ads” as a constant reminder of being alone (to include one on at the top of this post, lol), most may argue that it is a curse. I think it really depends upon what kind of person you are. I would think those that are the hopeless romantics tend to be the ones that have the biggest problem with being single over the holidays; On the flip side, those that enjoy the single life would thrive on the fun partys and the next season of fun. Regardless, everyone, I would assume, has a bit of a void they can’t fill whether they enjoy single life or not. Me personally, I had the longest lasting relationship just end this past spring. She made me feel extremely special over the holidays and that was something that is a seemingly irreplaceable vacancy in my life. It hurt when she broke my heart and each holiday ushers in feelings of resentment and is a constant reminder of the loss. At just over 30, most of my friends are married with young children, and every thanksgiving, easter, etc, furthers my conscience awareness of that void. I think my biggest problem is that most typical single life ways of dealing with this kind of stuff is life at the bar and knowing which party to socialize at. Unfortunately, I gave up drinking about 2 years ago, for the better, and it is hard to find socially acceptable places to try and be with people as opposed to watching another comedy on TBS (not that there is anything wrong with that, because I love my TBS); What’s more, what is open after 9 pm to do stuff with people that doesn’t involve a drink? Okay, so enough with the obvious, what can we do to not just pass the time, but enjoy life without a solemate? So far the best ideas I have seen are volunteer and compete in a run or something of that nature. I tend to try and keep busy with projects at home, but that tends to cater to social isolation. So Bonny that is what I think; Perhaps your audience can throw their suggestions out on a good holiday fix that keeps them happy over this time of year. Of course I just now read that this blog is 2 years old, so I doubt I will see much.. LOL, well enjoy anyway!
It is not a requirement that you should a partner during christmas. What’s important is you have those people you love and the people who love you.