A handful of reader questions of late have focused on sex: when to have it, what frequency is normal, and what to do if one partner isn't into it. Coupled with some recent research study findings that women are seeking more casual dating relationships, and
Take the poll and let me know, but I'm also curious to hear your reasoning. Why do you wait or take the plunge early on? Does it depend on the relationship or the person you're dating? Has it evolved as you've gotten older, and is that evolution because of mere chronology, societal/peer pressure, or something else entirely?
Related:
It can be a relationship but I don’t think that it can last that long if it’s based only in that aspect. Women in particular, in my opinion should be careful enough when meeting anyone during a first date whether it is online or not.
I strongly believe sex in a relationship other than marriage is wrong. No matter how intimate u may get,if u are not married,God doesn’t approve of physical intimacy of sort. I’ve practised this for yrs;it worked with most of the guys that wanted to settle down with me but didn’t work with those that just wanted sexual relationship. Hugging and kissing can happen between people with good self control.
In my opinion, if we are really going to take the relationship further I mean we really want to make something out of it, I believe sex is inevitable, it is not just a tool for fun but a magnum that seals and enhance the bond of any relationship, it should also be understood that some people love sex, and I am part of those, so since I love sex (not making obsession here) and I would love to have it, then I want to have it from my-wife-to-be, that’s my idea of sex in a relationship, it does not matter if it is a first date or something, what matters is individual goal, am I going to make love to you and after that we part ways? Or after sex we continue our journey of love? So to me it is goal! And we should not judge forgeting some biblical implication which suggest do it when you get married, so since one can’t hold it till you get married, pick a partner not a sex slave and move along…. If there is not going to be sex, there a serios committment should surfice and trust.
I had a relationship that lasted a year with a guy that I had sex with on first date but we had been friends for about two months prior to the date.
I believe the longer he has to wait for it the better. That usually makes him think that the woman he got is a very special one. Its like a little boy who needs to work the whole summer holiday to buy his bike finally when he gets that he appreciate and cares about this bike more then the boy who gets his bike as a present from his parents
I wait 8 dates or 2 months,whichever comes first.Though Most of the time I get dumped by the 5th date.
I have waited and was dumped after the 5th date because I wouldn’t have sex. He said it was a way of communicating. He wasn’t worth communicating with I guess. I think if you have sex quickly you will be perceived as having sex with a lot of the opposite sex and loose their respect. Wait until you really feel this person truly cares for you. Besides sex..it will be making love.
I am 20 and have never been kissed. But I’m not necessarily waiting until I’m married…the answer I really wished to give was not an option. I just want to be in love. You can’t put a timeline on love. I put “when we get engaged” because hopefully we will be engaged when we love each other that much and will spend the rest of our lives together.
I think its sad that other women have sex so soon these days because it seems to have changed the standards of dating. I thought for the longest time that maybe something was wrong with me because I’ve never even kissed a man, but finally I realized I don’t think the problem is me. With such an ample supply of women who will have sex so much more casually, even on the first date, it gives us classier girls a harder time finding guys. Why would they want to take the time to get to know me when they can get what they really want from so many other girls? I really hope the standards change as I (and the men around me) get older because I would love to be in love but I’m not willing to sacrifice issues that are important to me. I hope that there are others out there who feel the same because the number of percentages so early in the relationship is depressing me. You cannot possibly know each other well enough and be in love with someone you’ve only known 3 months. Sorry.
@Molly – good for you. Respect yourself and do what is right for you. There is nothing more lovely in a woman than confidence and self-respect. I hope when my 11 yo girl is a young woman she has the degree of respect for herself that you express. A good man will value you.
Finally I hear someone that has self respect, so many casual sex and fwb out there.
Molly, I think your comment speaks to your naiveté. While I do agree that people should wait until they are in love to consummate their relationship, the time line for love happens differently for different people. I would venture to say that if I spent every day for a month with someone, I would know them pretty well. I may not know every detail about the person, but I would have a good understanding of the basic tenets of their character. I have been in love with someone by the three month mark, and I’m sure others have as well. The way society is should not depress you. There are men who are looking for a wholesome girl like you. They may not be as abundant as those men who will have sex on the 1st date, but you just have to be patient.
Having sex by the third date is l great I just take sex because my man barley wants to that is y I go to men stripper places I have sex two or three times a week with strippers and oce a Monte or once every two months with my bf
I’m 20, and will reach the three month mark with my first boyfriend next week, so this question has been coming to mind often recently.
When I was younger, I was convinced that people should be virgin brides in almost all circumstances. A mixture of coming to college, hearing about friends’ relationships, and reading books or stories or just plain information on the topic has lead me to believe that it’s, at the very least, unlikely. When talking with my friends last summer, I assessed the question, and my response from my beliefs had changed to “When you’re comfortable with the idea.” Now, ‘being comfortable with having sex’ can be at a different place for everyone, and I can’t say that I’m completely comfortable when I hear about other peoples’ relationships, especially the more casual they are, but at the same time, I think most people do know when it’s all right for them to have sex, simply because it’s a different level of importance for different people. As long as they won’t regret having had sex, no matter how the relationship turns out, I think they have reached the point where it’s okay.
Does the idea of having sex with my boyfriend any time in the conceivable future still weird me out? Yes, yes it does. Will I wait for marriage? Possibly, but I no longer consider it necessary, or even expected.
I’m 19, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, but we’ve not yet had sex. In fact, the “L” word has not been dropped from either of us. I know it varies from person to person, but whatever. If you’ve known someone for 3 months, that’s more than likely not love. You’re just in the moment. That feeling could easily pass, so why waste yourself that way? Wait until you’re absolutely ready. I do love sexual gratification, but I’ve never had intercourse because it’s a completely different level in any relationship. If they’re worth your time, you’re worth their waiting until you’re ready. It’s something I plan to be sure about wanting to remember forever as my first time. And you’d better bet that means being completely in love with someone who I know loves me, as well.
How long to wait??? Answered!
http://www.askaden.com/2010/02/how-long-should-i-wait-to-before-we.html
Think of this
Case 1
male and the female at age 20 the female says wait till marriage. The man waits for 5 years… then the girl meets a new man breaks the first… wants to get married at age 26… loses her virginity… to a man he only knew for 1 year…
Case 2
Male and Female at age 23, female said wait till I have no obligations left to my family. Carrer type female then at about 1 to 2 years waiting the girl got pregnant because her officemate got there first… or if not she had a fling that you don’t know about. Pity
My point don’t waste your time for so long if it did not turn out the way you wanted to it will be very dissapointed and hard to move on…
Woudnt that be unfair to the first man ?
Molly hang in there. You’ll find that there are guys out there that want to wait untill they are truely in love with some one I’m one of those types of guys. Sex is a special bond to be shared with some one you truly love I am commited to waiting I had a girl turn down dateing me a few months ago when I told her I wanted to wait she obivously wasn’t right for me. So my advice is wait and hang in there.
I’ve been in a relationship for not quite a month. I’m still a virgin but my bf isn’t. He wants to have sex but knows it won’t be till I’m ready. He already tells me he loves me but I told him I can’t say it back yet. He knows he will have to wait awhile. Plus I am younger and alot less experienced than him. How long do u think he would wait for me?
My advice would be to wait until you feel like someone cares for you, and is interested in you as a person. If not, sex is dull, and men are very selfish, just want to get down to business. I am sure there are women out there who will tell me that they have had passionate one night stands, or sex early on, but for me itīs been cold and unsatisfying. Once you feel comfortable with someone, itīs the right time.
My reasons for waiting to have sex are very different from the ones described above. I have found, in my experience, that men are VERY prone to attachment. I am not ready to be in a relationship at all, so I go on plenty of dates but avoid sex and intimacy at all costs because that is exactly what makes men assume you are in an exclusive relationship with them. Society loves to talk about the male tendancy towards desiring sex Above all else. While this is true to a degree, men also have a pretty strong tendency to “mark their territory”.
I say as a woman this is entirely your call. Only have sex when you’re comfortable with it, whether that be on the first night or on your wedding day. You don’t owe the guy anything.
On a side note I have dated men who didn’t even try to kiss me until the fourth date and I have to say, I find that exceptionally intriguing. Guys, if you want to stand out to women, control your urges. Women will find it mysterious and even sexy.
Hey.
So my bf and i have been together for about a month.
I’m fifteen and he is 17. I’ll be 16 in February.
I want to wait until I’m 16 because that seems like a decent ageto make love.
And we have talked about it. And I feel ready, but I’m scared that I might regret it.
But I feel ready and yeah.
And I dont want to make him wait.
I most likely will do it when I turn 16…
Advice please?
Generally I don’t even bother hitting on girls I just get drunk and then chicks hit on me and I slay everything between a mut and a pin up. I don’t really care who I’m having sex with when I’m single just as long as I don’t have to wait too long between shags. I only settle down with girls who are an 8/10 or higher, at the moment I have a great girl she hardly talks and is smoking hot. I know this makes me an ass hole but I do treat her like a princess I take her out to dinner every night we spend together, fly her to places she’s never been, give her massages whenever she’s sore the whole nine yards all this because she meets the criteria perfectly but I never wait more than 2 nights/dates to have sex and I have never had a girl want to wait longer and I’m sure I’ve slept with more than your average. Is that strange?
OMG! u r such a jerk
I am 27 years old, and have never been married, but what I have done is had casual sexual relationships with 15 different divorced women in their 30s or 40s, most were mothers.
I usually meet all these women the same way, but older women are almost always curious in discovering the way I have sex with women, because they all can tell I am that guy. First dates are not first dates, they are almost always a celebration of lust and pleasure, not feelings and emotions. These women typically love and engage in more erotic and wild sexual escapades than women who are in their teens and twenties.
I am the man that has sex had sex with 100s of women, many are girls and women that other guys wish, dream, and and fantasize about, and when they are divorced older women, our Casual Sexual Experiences we have with each other are what people watch in porn.
I am the guy that has model looks, college level athletics, ivy level intelligence, and what has been described many times a a ‘perfect’ penis. This means I am the guy that the Beautiful and suddenly adventurous Ex-Wife, of the Miserable and Freshly Divorced Ex Husband, has been fantasizing about having sex with for years, many of them she spent married. The Ex Husband who is watching their children repeatedly calls her phone while we engage in very passionate raw sex in the backseat of her small SUV just 60 minutes after meeting! The first session was so enjoyable and satisfying that we both decided it was in our best interest to drive 40 minutes to my place instead of her picking up her children. Once we arrive at my place it seemed children were very much in her plans but not the two who were with her ex. More on that in a minute though. where we had a second session that was quite memorable.
If I am intrested in getting know that person that I will make him wait, If I could care less if I ever speak to you again..Then if the mood is right and we click, then I might just give in..But like I said I could care less if I never heard from that person again, because I wasn’t intrested in getting you know you..
I believe in abstinence until marriage and so my soulmate and I haven’t had sex yet. We’re planning on getting married in May and then we’ll explore that last aspect of our relationship. We connected on so many levels– spiritually, mentally, and creatively, so I anticipate a very fulfilling sex life.
I didn’t end up sleeping with my husband until after like a dozen dates because I thought he was special. But all the while I was still having sex with my old boyfriend. Hubby now knows and thinks it’s a touching story.
So you were cheating on your husband the whole time you were getting to know him… touching, indeed.
Good for u audrey.Am 16 and still a virgin though my boyfriend of few months wants sex but am not ready for that kind commitment not until i see a wedding ring on my finger.
Me and my bf have been friends for almost 2year and we have just started to date. He has always made it known that he wanted to be more then friends but I was not ready and was still hung up on my ex. We have been dating for little over a month and want to know is it to soon to have sex? We are still trying to get out of that friendship stage so do u think having sex would help that?