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Bonny Albo

Should My Teenage Daughter Have Overnighters With Her Boyfriend?

By April 12, 2012

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The mother of an 18-year-old girl who still lives at home asks:

My teenage daughter is totally dependent on Mom and Dad. Don't get me wrong, she's looking for a job but hasn't found one yet. She's not lazy, she helps me around the house and she plans to start college in the fall. But my question is about her and her boyfriend, who have been together over two years now. Should my teenage daughter be spending the night with her boyfriend when ever she wants? She believes that because she's 18 she can do whatever she wants, and her boyfriend says outright we are 'stupid' for not allowing it. It's a constant fight in our house, and I'm terribly sad because this isn't how we raised her.

So folks, what do you think? Should this woman's teenage daughter be allowed to sleep over at her boyfriends as she pleases? And for those of you with dating teenagers, or even older kids who still live at home - what have you done? What worked to reduce the tension, and what didn't?

Comments
April 2, 2009 at 7:51 am
(1) Momtoo says:

Maybe my age is showing, but sorry, daughter, no way. My house, my money, my rules. I am uncomfortable having your boyfriend spend the night, so that’s the end of discussion.

April 2, 2009 at 10:53 am
(2) Courtney says:

I’m 20 and I’m still living at home with my parents and working of course, but I couldn’t even bring myself to even ask my parents if I could sleep over with my boyfriend. That’s just not an option, out of respect for myself and my parents.

April 2, 2009 at 11:13 am
(3) Laura says:

How soon do they want to be a grandparent? Teen pregnancy? Who do you think will be raising the baby if so happens? Grandma!

October 12, 2010 at 1:27 am
(4) Nicole says:

Totally not true. I’ve lived with my boyfriend since I was 18, and I am now 21. Never been pregnant. It’s the decisions people make, whether they decide to have sex, whether they decide to use protection, etc..So don’t just assume the worst in people all the time. Chances are they are already having sex anyways!

July 30, 2011 at 12:13 am
(5) Jasmine says:

HaHa, you totally contradicted yourself.

April 2, 2009 at 12:55 pm
(6) ATUL KUMAR says:

hello miss,
i am atul kumar from india. your problem is jenuine. your daughter should not sleep with anyone before marrige. if your daughter think that her boyfriend will marrie her then ask frequently to your daughter about that. this age groupe is very sencitive, so takel him patiently. if she don’t want to marrie, then plz don’t give her permission. if your daughter don’t obey you, then plz tell her about precautions and saftey during sexual relationship, its only last way to protect to your daughter. i hope that every thing will be all right. good luck.

ATUL KUMAR

May 25, 2011 at 8:49 pm
(7) Juju B says:

Atul, don’t bring your stereotypical beliefs about sex before marriage. you are FORCING YOUR KID TO GET MARRIED. you have no idea how out of whack that is!

August 29, 2011 at 12:38 pm
(8) ddart says:

hmm JuJu – Atul did not offer any “stereotypical beliefs” other than he would advise no sex before marriage and if she does have sex use protection. Unsure where your hatred came from but he basically stated what many other ppl have on this thread, however he is the only one you struck out at. Hes comment is no different than “no way my house”. Perhaps your racism should be evaluated!

April 2, 2009 at 1:37 pm
(9) chris artist says:

I agree with the first comment…” no way. My house, my money, my rules” Why should daughter get all the benefits of a relationship without any of the responsibility. Even if she were to rent a room from someone other than her parents the house rules may state “no overnite guests” It was until I was going to college full-time paying my own way by working part-time and contributing financially to the household that I even broached the subject with my parents. I was 20 at the time, however, and they agreed that he could stay occasionally and out of respect to let them know ahead of time. So I would advise Mom to say “NO” until daughter has a better idea of what life is really like and that the world does not evolve around her boyfriend and sleeping together. Daughter should get over it or move out.

September 18, 2011 at 6:15 am
(10) Jonathan says:

I don’t believe that you really think “My House, my rules”. Do you mean that if, for example, your daughter had inherited the house from an uncle and you were all living in it, her sexual choices would be her own?
If she is legally an adult, then sooner or later you will have to form an adult relationship with her. If you insist on keeping a adult/child form rather than moving to an adult/adult one, you will either stifle her maturity or breakup the relationship.
In either case, nothing will change whether she has a sexual relationship with her boyfriend. At her age it would be surprising if she didn’t.

April 2, 2009 at 5:33 pm
(11) Dave Fredenburg says:

I believe that since they have been together for 2 years that they are fairly serious about each other and they are more than comfortable with each other so I think that if you are worried about the sex part it either has happened or will happened so I would stop worrying about that and start talking to your daughter about contraception. Either getting on the pill or the morning after pill or condoms and accept the fact that they are having sex and learning how to live together but at this point in their lives they do not need a baby to look after.Most guys at this stage of their lives are just looking for someone to replace mother and that is to do laundry,make meals,keep their apartment clean.So this is my opinion.

April 2, 2009 at 6:36 pm
(12) James C says:

The girl is 18 years old, a legal adult. I think it’s time to “let go” and stop sheltering children Let them LEARN responsibility and live a little. What happened to speaking with kids about safe sex and pregnancy issues? Believe it or not folks, your children are going to have sex, whether they sleep over their significant other’s or not, they will find a way to experiment sexually. It’s human nature. Don’t you remember when you were a teen? Sexual relations can happen anywhere (and I do mean ANYWHERE) at anytime. You let your teen go to their significant others during the day don’t you? Newsflash — Sex can occur during the day, not just at sleepovers. Unless you have a watchful eye on your kid at every second of every day, you don’t know what they’re doing. Although some parents would love to have their teens on a leash, it’s very unhealthy for both the teens development and the psychological mentality of both the parent and child. Let’s stop trying to keep the kids from growing up. Let’s educate them so they make good choices and safe decisions.

April 2, 2011 at 4:33 pm
(13) Darlene says:

If you are raised in a christian home, then this simply is not an option when living at home with your parents. Sorta like the comment “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” But this sounds like a young man’s response to such an sensitive question.

April 2, 2009 at 10:47 pm
(14) cam says:

I am a 17 year old girl and I personally do not think that it is reasonable for your daughter to be upset with you because she wants her boyfriend to sleep over. In your house, there should be rules, your rules. If she doesn’t want to abide by them, then maybe it is time for her to move out. As for the sex aspect, it is true that yit is hard to stop her from doing it if she wants to but allowing her boyfriend to sleep over is almost ok-ing it. Teens tend to push towards having more freedom and less responsibility but i believe that the two must come together or else she’ll never grow up. Do not let her tell you what to do, you are the adult and you have a right to make the rules of your own household! It’s really not an outrageous rule at all!

April 3, 2009 at 3:09 am
(15) Trent says:

Hi, I am 18 and my girlfriend and I have been having sleepovers with each other since we were both 16. Our parents don’t mind at all and we respect them by asking before we do. All I really have to say about this is: sex is going to happen no matter what. My parents started teaching me about safe sex when i was around 13 years old and if they had not, I would be in a very bad situation now. I just know it. My girlfriend and I have been practicing safe sex for 2 years and our parents have known about it for the entire time. Why shelter your kids when you can be teaching them so much more by acting mature and having an open relationship with them? I have learned so much from my parents and feel sorry for any teen who has parents who shelter them.

September 2, 2011 at 1:42 pm
(16) Dad says:

Do you really think that me as a dad of a 16 year should have to allow my daughter to have sex in my house while i am in the other room. Or her younger sisters in the other room. That is just outrageous. Its not just about having sex we know it happens what about respect for the girls father. At 16 no way no how.

April 3, 2009 at 7:09 pm
(17) Gyan says:

It’s hard to believe many of the comments read here. I am a father of a now 19 year old. When my child was reaching puberty, I asked the question “Do you know what they call teenagers who have sex without protection?” The answer being “Parents”. My child knew at 11 about condoms, about sex, about safer sex, about pregnancy, etc. I made certain that condoms were always available in case they were needed. With all the knowledge and resources, guess what folks, no pregnancy, no STDs, and no fighting.

The problem I see with so many of the comments (and Puritanical “morality” more generally) is the idea that sex is bad/wrong/immoral/etc. Come on! Sex is a wonderful thing. Sex is pleasurable on an emotional, mental, physical and spiritual level–there is nothing wrong with it. Try going past the indoctrination and brainwashing given by religious institutions that want you to believe that something that feels so good on so many different levels is bad/wrong/immoral/etc. Consider that if on the one hand you do something that is so satisfying, but you have this hangup imposed on you that says it’s bad, guess what…you need to go to your religious institution. And the more often you go to your religious institution, the more likely you are to give money and give up your ability to think for yourself. It’s all about social control. So, have sex. Let your 18 year old sleep with his or her partner, and forget the indoctrination.

April 3, 2009 at 7:54 pm
(18) Ashley says:

If it makes the mother uncomfortable, then she should tell her daughter that if she wants to have these sleepovers, she can find somewhere else to live and pay her own bills.

April 4, 2009 at 1:52 am
(19) wilamina says:

i think so im 22 and my fols let me when i wuz 18 choose what i want to to do with out their consent i dont see what the big deal is it aint like shes 15 or something shes grown let her live her life she could move out your house and doesnt legally need your permission by law she doesnt need your permisson to leave or moveaway and it is a real law as soon as a person reachs the age of 18 nolonger needs consent or approval by the parents

April 4, 2009 at 8:50 pm
(20) Eric says:

sure she can go sleep with him, but mom at the same time can also say “hey, the night you go to sleep over with him the next day you are living on your own”

so if she can’t be grateful for what she has now, maybe she can go look somewhere else for it.

she’s been living by the house rules for 18 years, why should they just change.

April 5, 2009 at 1:16 pm
(21) Enchanted Evenings says:

I can only speak from personal experiance, and it relates pretty well in this situation. I began dating my now ex boyfriend at the age of 16. I had a curfew of 11 pm, and we started having sex about 2 or 3 months after dating. So, mom, if you are thinking that stoping the sleep overs stops sex, you would be wrong on that account.

I did live at home for a few months after I tuned 18 and I would never have dreamed of asking if I could sleep over with my boyfriend. That is just disrespectful. Period. However, I chose to move out and get an apartment. My parents weren’t at all happy because they felt it would disrupt my education. My boyfriend did move in with me, which didn’t help relieve their concern.

Now, to sort of give an example of how the scenario played out. I stayed with him for about 6 years in all. We had a baby when I was 21. We only lasted about a year after.

In my oppinion, you are not only within your right, but it is your responsibility to lay down ground rules, whether she is 18 or not. If she wants to stay with her boyfriend like an adult, then she should try out the rest of the package by living on her own. If she does get pregnant, then at least she would have more life experiance of what the real world (bills, housekeeping, work, etc.) is like.

Also, it is your home she is living in, don’t know if there are little siblings, but if so, what kind of example does that set for them? Explain to her how her wishes and the arguments effect the rest of the family. Give her the option to respect your rules or move out. You are the parents and you are still in charge.

April 5, 2009 at 5:59 pm
(22) Kelly says:

my answer is : Stick to your guns. If you initially said no, then stay with it. There is no point in being uncomfortable in your own home. Let them go have sex in a car or where ever. It’s your house, you said no. Respect the mom. You are not intruding onto her life. The actual SEX isn’t the issue, it’s the boundaries you set and whether your child will abide by them. “Adults” who are free to make their own decisions understand discretion and respect.

April 5, 2009 at 7:10 pm
(23) Yuliya says:

I must say that if your daughter’s boyfriend says that it is stupid that they can’t have sleepovers, then he is not mature enough for them. Sex is their problem, you taught them all you could up to this point. But if you said no to it in your house, stick to it and don’t budge. She doesn’t like the rules, she should get a job and move out, but otherwise the rules are the same even before she became a legal adult. If they think it is stupid that they can’t have sleepovers, then they are clearly not ready for them. I am also only 16 and I think that it is innapropriate for them to have sleepovers, only if they live together.

April 6, 2009 at 2:17 am
(24) Tom Head says:

I’m troubled by the fact that this boyfriend actually refers to y’all as “stupid.” He sounds like a jerk.

That said, I don’t see how you can win this one. Of course you’re within your rights to say no (which is what I would probably do), but what you allow or don’t allow, per se, is no longer really an issue; she will do what she decides to do. You can’t make her not have sex with her boyfriend.

Most people who move out from their parents’ house to go somewhere other than college do it because they want to do things they feel they can’t do while living at home–sex being at the top of the list. So it seems to me that the probable outcome, if you put your foot down and say she’ll have to find another place to live if she sleeps with him, is that she gets her own place or moves in with the boyfriend.

If she does this, that doesn’t make you a bad person by any means–it’s called tough love–but it doesn’t sound like the outcome you want.

April 6, 2009 at 2:35 am
(25) Clayton says:

You need to talk to them both about sex and what is expected of them on sexual matters. Don’t let her stay over, she needs to mature a bit more before you openly let her have privileges like that. You need to make sex something open and something she can approach you about so its not something she has to hide from you. I am 18 and when I started to have sex, I sat down with my girlfriend and my parents and talked to them about it. Awkward? Yes. But productive as well.

It’s unlikely that she will start the conversation with you though, so you should start it with her AND her boyfriend.

April 6, 2009 at 9:11 pm
(26) Princess says:

HELL NO! She is still under her parents’ roof. If she wants the privilege of having her boyfriend stay overnight, she can get a place of her own. Her parents are just opening a Pandora’s box if they let her do this. And her boyfriend being so outwardly disrespectful by calling her parents stupid means she needs to get another boyfriend.

April 7, 2009 at 11:32 pm
(27) CMS says:

NO WAY, NO HOW! Tell her they can MARRY and you’ll let them live there till they’re on their feet. You know, this is what is wrong these days….whatever happened to being the PARENT! Then they’ll want to smoke dope there too! Make it as HARD as possible for them to have a place to have sex! Tell her NO and that you DO NOT APPROVE and that if she continues to have sex with him before marriage then she’ll need to leave NOW! Such BS to even consider this. It’s that old attitude “well they’re gonna do it anyway, so I might as well make sure they are safe’ BALONEY! Are you gonna wash her “used” sheets too????

April 7, 2009 at 11:35 pm
(28) CMS1 says:

Oh and by the way, I forgot to tell you that I have told my two daughters that if they choose to shack up with a guy before being married………..then they’ll pay for their own weddings too. My money, my rules.

April 9, 2009 at 4:29 am
(29) Curtly says:

I absolutely have no problem with an 18 year old girl spending the night at her boyfriends house, even if it were my own daughter. Where I live, at 18 you are legally an adult. I(and every parent) should feel confident in how I raised my child and trust her to make the correct decisions based on the situation. If I cannot trust my child to make the proper decisions, then there are some other underlying issues there that probably need attention.
Now as for her still living at home. Her parents should suggest that she find a place of her own, if they disagree with the way she conducts her own business.

April 10, 2009 at 12:38 pm
(30) Katie says:

ok…CMS, you spelled ‘baloney’ wrong first of all…it’s balogna. but onto the sex portion of the discussion…it IS true that if teens want to have sex, they’ll figure out a way without their parents knowing, trust me. I’m 17 and so is my boyfriend. We have had sex before, but it’s b/c we love eachother and we know we want to be together. but most teens just do it for the wrong reasons, these are the ones you have to watch out for. You still shouldn’t let your kid have sex before theyre moved out tho thats just wrong and disrespectful. sex IS a normal thing though. My opinion is that if youre in a stable relationship, youre safe about it, it’s for the right reasons, and youre both comfortable (and over 16), it’s perfectly fine. and of course it’s fine when youre married. BUT if youre living with your parents, don’t have a job, and theres ANY doubt about the trust in the relationship DO NOT do it. Sex is a HUGE deal. Once you do it, you can’t just turn back time.

It sounds like you need to have an open and honest discussion with your daughter about how you both feel. don’t argue about it, it’ll only make things worse.

April 13, 2009 at 4:02 pm
(31) africa girls says:

This girl should not be allowed to sleep over. She might get pregnant.

April 15, 2009 at 9:10 am
(32) Terry says:

No way. NO how. Never….
Yes kids have sex, but I am not obliged to condone or enable the activity.
Not in my house. If you want to sleep together then setup your own household.

April 15, 2009 at 6:35 pm
(33) Jen says:

The girl is asking to sleep at HIS house…not the mothers house. So we’re saying she cant sleep anywhere but at her mothers house? OK, then she should be told when you can pay me rent, or you do these chores every day to earn your keep then you do not have to sleep in my home everynight. Sounds like sex education is not the issue..just a matter of responsibility and respect. If she can pull her own weight..she should be able to sleep at his house. If she cannot pay rent, then its moms rules or the door. All in all, this guy sounds like a candidate for the biggest loser boyfriend club anyways…

April 15, 2009 at 8:40 pm
(34) delilah says:

well im 16 and i think its not appropriet unless she has your permission until shes not living with u anymore this is probably because i have a 2 year old boy i am deffinantly not proud of my self … i just want u to know she should be prepared before she has sex aka condums and the patch

April 19, 2009 at 4:39 pm
(35) Dan says:

I’m an 18 year old male and just had this problem with my parents. I asked my paretns if it would be ok if my girlfriend that is 17 could stay over the house. They said it was ok (I expected them to say that because I had my first girl sleepover when I was 15) and gave me the talk about being smart and always using condoms and blah blah. I told them they had nothing to worry about and that I’m smart enough not to make a stupid mistake, like getting a girl pregnant. If kids wanna have sex there gonna have sex ypu cant stop it. I think that parents should start trusting their kids because most girls/guys my age dont wanna have a kid and are smarter than that.

April 22, 2009 at 1:04 pm
(36) GMC says:

I am a legal guardian of a 17 year old daughter, who will be 18 late this year. I understand her “thinking” that she will be an adult at 18 and should be able to do what she wants. I also feel that way, but only if she is adult enough to support herself. If she has a job, moves out on her own, and has the means to support herself, what she does in the privacy of her own home is her “adult” business. But, if she is still dependant on me and her father, NO WAY. My house, my rules. Just because you are 18 does not mean you are an adult. An adult has responsibilies and an 18 year old who lives at home on mom and dad’s money is not a responsible adult. Make your rules mom and stay firm. If daughter wants to live her life, she can do so when she has the means to support herself!

April 22, 2009 at 1:13 pm
(37) Susie says:

Katie, CMS spelled baloney correctly. Baloney is slang for foolishness. You, on the other hand, spelled balogna incorrectly. The proper spelling for the popular luncheon meat is bologna (remember the Oscar Mayer jingle) Spell check before criticizing others.

April 25, 2009 at 1:12 pm
(38) Zara says:

Wow. I’m shocked by the fact that the majority of these comments seem to be very conservative and old fashioned. I see many refernces to the good old NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE rule. This is the year 2009. Many mature couples these days chose not to get married at all or cohabbit for many years before they take that leap.

I think this mother is fully within her rights to say that her daughters boyfriend can not sleep over as it is her house and she gets to decide the house guests.

However, personally I see no harm in this 18year old practicing safe sex or sleeping at her boyfriends house. She is legally an adult now and if she is being safe and responsible then i say MOM ITS TIME TO ACCEPT IT – your daughter is a woman now. Let go.

You have the option of threatening her with kicking her out and implimenting your rules that way – or you can treat her like the adult she is and let her live a little and and have her own expieriences.

April 26, 2009 at 1:38 pm
(39) Doug Johnson says:

If you have a daughter DON’T let them do it in your house. Comming from a Dad who made the wrong choice when my daughter was was 16 – the boyfriend turned out to be a psycho and has had a negative effect on her life for years after. They both lost respect for my wife and me and abused our laxness to the nth degree. Take a stand because you are setting the example she will follow for years, whether you realize it now or not. Nobody teaches you how to be a good parent so it’s easy to try to be a friend to your kid. The main thing is to allow her home with you to be a free of hard choices when played by your rules. If the question is whether you should let her stay over at her boyfriend’s house I guarantee that if you say YES the next issue will be them having sex at your place. To the teenage mind it’s exactly the same thing so you are stupid/old/not to be believed if you say YES to letting them have sex at his house and NO to letting them have sex at your house. The fact that this disrespectful little creep has said that you are stupid should clue you in to the fact that he has no appreciation for your feelings in this matter, and if you need a big GET A CLUE moment from an internet message board – the kid has no respect for you or your daughter! and you should plan accordingly. If you give him permission to have sex with your daughter, which is what we’re discussing here in essence, then you’re teaching him that he is correct in his assessment of your feelings. You need to act in a way that may seem unnatural to you – you need to say no even though you feel it might be ok if you say yes. He probably thinks using birth control is stupid too. And if she gets pregnant after you gave the OK on them having sex you’ll be sitting right in the middle of a BIG PAINFUL DISASTER watching your little girl suffer. Sure the parents of boys say to let them have fun, sex is joyful, and whatever other crap has been posted here by morons. But the bottom line is that YOU will be the one holding her hand when she has the abortion, or gives birth to the baby you put up for adoption, or has the miscarriage that scars her for life. Realize – these people may talk intelligently, cleanup the house, go to school and have jobs but most of them are not equipped to make these decisions without firm guidance until they’re older. Even if you say NO and they do it anyway you have made your feelings known and if it goes wrong your child will know you were right, and why you were right, and will carry that lesson with her throughout her life. Sorry to go on but I lived the wrong decision on this one and if I can help you then maybe some good came out of it.

September 2, 2011 at 1:52 pm
(40) ADad says:

Excellent! excellent! excellent! People think it is only about Sex but there is so much more to it. Emotional health of a young girl, what she learns about repsecting herself and how she should be treated. These young kids have no idea how to rationalize risk and not just getting pregnent but the risk of dealling with emotion of being intimate and treated like a door mat, etc… Teach your kids morals and values no sex in our house no sleep overs. Its all about respect for themselves and others. if you teach your kids only on thing focus on respect it goes a long why to raising a kid to be a good and healthy adult.

April 29, 2009 at 6:19 pm
(41) Audriana says:

So hi. i’m 18 and i just asked my mom if I could spend the night at my boyfriends, well as you can guess she said no. I’ve been through this before and i moved out because of a topic such as this one. i left thinking 18 i know it all, I’ll move out . well I was wrong. grass isn’t greener on the other side. i just want people my age to realize that and parents only say no because they care. and parents you too, i wish more parents would learn to trust their children, you did raise them. and realize just because we don’t sleep over it doesn’t mean we don’t have sex.daytime is also time for sex. relax a little and let us live and just because we’re labele young adults and what not, it still doesn’t mean we’re not capable of being in love and having feelings. yeah I can understand if the child is 17 or under, trust us not all 18 year olds are the same. promise. so needless to say my parent gave me a free card back home, one and only. we are now honest and get along better. just don’t say i told you so…

May 1, 2009 at 7:07 am
(42) AmyGF says:

Hey Everyone, Im 18 and I read every single one of these comments. All i must admit have GREAT contributions. I personally think it is fine that an 18 year old stays the night at her boyfriends house. My boyfriend and i have been dating since we where 16. yes we started having sex 3 months after we got together but we where great friends before hand. We have now been together 2 years and live together in our own apartment. Time is an issue though. 1# if they have only been going out a few weeks i would personally make them wait until they got to know each other alot better. 2# sex, ok yes it is correct when people say. Some guys are just in it for the sex. So talk to your daughter let her know what your views are. let her know the precautions she should take. Though after all they are teenagers and teenage years are the years of experiment the time that human beings explore each other and there sexual wants. Once you are married and have kids you cant do the same stuff you do when you are a teenager, and you will regret it if you dont. so my personal opinion says let your daughter stay over. Just tell her everything you think she should know. Thankyou to people who agree

Tarsha x

May 4, 2009 at 5:23 pm
(43) Tessa says:

I’m sixteen and i’m going to be as honest as I can with you. The truth might scare you a bit but, you need to hear it. As I think most parents should hear it.
If your daughter wants to have sex- she’ll have sex. Furthermore, if your daughter wants to spend the night at her boyfriend’s house- she’ll spend the night at her boyfriend’s house.
ALL of my mom’s rules have only strained our relationship because I outsmart her and find a way around all of them. My mom is very intelligent and sneaky. But in all honesty, when it comes down to it, she has no control over what I do. She only has an illusion of control.
I’m not a reckless idiot that’s out doing drugs and having crazy sex with everyone. I have morals and values, and am very aware that I’ll be learning new things my entire life. I know that i’ll make my fair share of mistakes and that I might be making them now. But that’s life. No one, including my mom, will be able to protect me from my mistakes.

My mom is aware that I have sex with my boyfriend and I am currently on the pill. However, she doesn’t allow me to spend the night at his house. So what do I do? I say i’m spending the night at a girlfriend’s house and then go to my boyfriend’s. Honestly, nothing usually happens other then we stay up late, watch movies, and eat junk food. Just like at any other “sleepover”. I don’t necessarily want to spend the night because of sex. It’s moreso that my boyfriend is my best friend and it’s nice to be able to have fun late at night with my best friend.

Your daughter will more than likely spend the night at her boyfriend’s, regardless of what rules you put in place. Wouldn’t you rather have an open, honest relationship with your daughter where you know where she is at night?

I hope I helped put things in your daughters perspective.

April 21, 2011 at 1:10 am
(44) Simone says:

Beauifully said and I have allowed my 17 yr old daughter to have sleepovers with her 18yr old boyfriend for the same reasons you have stated.. Much better to have an honest open and trusting raltionship with your daughter:)

September 2, 2011 at 1:55 pm
(45) Dad says:

you can have an open relationship with your kids with allowing them to have sex in the next room of the girls father. One has nothing to do with the other.

September 2, 2011 at 1:59 pm
(46) Dad says:

Yes you are correct you can not be protected from your own choices but your mom is there to guide you to make good choices that will impact you in ways that you do not understand. No you do not have good morals and values, that is only in your mind, you are disrespectful of your mother and to yourself.

May 13, 2009 at 6:10 am
(47) KATHY says:

Actually most posts here are NOT Conservative..I know Morals are something to argue against because it’s 2009..It’s still Morals.. It is areality that there are those that will hold strong to the deceny of a precious thing as virginity.. It is also not a Moral issue.. It is a respect issue too. It especially degrades the female. And she is the one considered to be TRASH..It takes away the very worth that a girl had before she gave it up to someone that just wanted “recreational sex’,and not cared/loved her enough to marry her. The latter is a desrespect towards a girl,and she slowly loses respect for herself,and thus thrustihg in to world of loveless relationships. If anyone is looking for real love,this will not get you there.. (and anyone that is 17 etc. and claims it’s love is so kidding themself,and is not fully mature.. So if what you want is for someone to truely love and care for you this is not the way. If it’s for loveless sex,I guess this is the path.. And anyone that eventually marries a guy, or girl like this would need to worry, and look over their shoulder because they are more likely to cheat,and end the marriage.. I feel sorry for all you that use the 2009 bull.. There are decent moral people out there,and they are happy…

May 13, 2009 at 10:07 am
(48) AusssieMum says:

Let them sleep together with your approval & your guidance. Isn’t it better that they are safe & you know where they are & who they are with? Lead by example. Teach them that sex is part of a caring, loving relationship.
I have a 17 year old daughter & her partner has been living with us for six months. We have talked about commitment & contraception & what would happen if it failed.
I think it is the best thing for both of them & they are both able to concentrate on their studies as they are together all the time.

May 15, 2009 at 12:56 am
(49) Taz says:

18 and living at home? Parent’s rules. Move out? Your rules. When you rent elsewhere, you follow the rules or you are evicted. That sometimes means sleepovers too. That’s called life.

May 15, 2009 at 12:34 pm
(50) Reno says:

I really don’t see the problem here.

If she wants to sleep over, let her. Trust that you raised her well, and trust that she’ll make the right decisions. Even if she makes the wrong ones. What is the absolutely WORST thing that could happen?

Think about it. The answer may not be as frightening as you make it seem.

People learn from their mistakes. That’s how they grow.

June 1, 2009 at 11:16 pm
(51) Ann says:

I just turned 19 and still live at home with my parents. My boyfriends and I live 13 hours away so we have to stay at each others house when we visit.
Our parents trust us to do the right thing. Of course there are make-out sessions after everyone goes to bed but I am pretty sure that is expected.
We have been dating a year and are still virgins.
I think parents just need to have faith in their kids. And all honesty, I wish I could sleep with my boyfriend…and i mean just sleep in the same bed. But out of respect abide by the rules and we always sleep in different rooms.
But if a teenager does want to have sex, they can. There are other place then the bedroom at home so maybe talking to your daughter about birth control and letting her have an overnight would be that bad.
Plus,who wants their parents to hear what is going on in the next room …

June 17, 2009 at 4:22 pm
(52) Art says:

You write in you letter, and I quote, “and her boyfriend says outright we are ‘stupid’ for not allowing it. Its a constant fight in our house, and I’m terribly sad because this isn’t how we raised her.” You’ve said it yourself, “it’s a constant fight in your house”, and “it isn’t the way you raised her”! Don’t change your ways now because some boyfriend thinks they should demean your rules. If you think it’s a fight now, give in and you’ll see what a major battle is! If you are sad now, again give in. Your sadness with become ten times worse – major depression!! Lastly, what moron boyfriend would call his girlfriends parents, STUPID for setting standards and rules? For any reason? He is not only disrespecting her parents, the moron is showing no respect what-so-ever for thier daughter!!! You better think about this situation and fast! You’ve apparently been very good parents up to this point, why change now?

June 21, 2009 at 12:04 am
(53) Shirley says:

I have a 26 year old daughter she moved back home after college. She stays out all night with her boyfriend and comes home the next day like it’s ok that she does this. I’ve talked to her about this and she tells me to get over it and deal with it. She doesn’t pay rent because she has student loans to pay plus credit cards. I think she is being disrespectful to us.
At 26 should I just leave her alone and let her do this?

June 23, 2009 at 10:06 am
(54) lawson says:

WOW! I am going through all of the above. My daughter is 19 not working and will begin college in the fall. O yea, and does nothing around the house, will barely clean her room. Me and my husband ask her not to stay out during the week. (and the fight begins) On the weekends I do not mind. It has just gotten out of control. She says all of her friends do not go through this with their parents and how she’s grown and so on and so on. I have had it!

June 23, 2009 at 10:18 pm
(55) Kate says:

I think the European approach works best – it’s the girls decision, I don’t want the details, but you had better be on birth control and using a condom.

June 28, 2009 at 12:25 am
(56) Hayley says:

I’m 13 and I don’t agree! They could do things they are not supposed to be doing which can ruin her college plans. I would say no! It’s not even an option!

July 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm
(57) Jennifer says:

Hi my name is Jennifer and I am 19 almost years old, living at home still. I have been best friends with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have been together for a year. I was allowed to have sleepovers with him for the first 6 months because it didn’t bother my step dad. (thinking it wasn’t serious) When he realized it was he suddenly told my mother he was uncomfortable with it, but my best friend Steven could stay the night whenever he wanted because it isn’t uncomfortable for my step dad even though Steven has a thing for me. After this happened my mom said my boyfriend could stay the night when they were out of town as long as I don’t tell my step dad and they let me stay the night at other places with him. It’s all about trust. My mom trusts me to be with him and my decisions on whether I have sex or not…she knows no matter what I will be safe about it. The reason my step dad can’t handle it is because he is afraid I will turn out like my sisters and be pregnant too young. I think you should give your daughter some rights to that. If you know you raised her right then you know she will make the right decisions about everything. Remember that not giving your children a chance to prove themselves trustworthy and responsible lead to more rebellions and problems between you. Giving her the chance to have sleepovers could keep her from doing other things. However her boyfriend calling you stupid should not be acceptable! GOOD LUCK!

July 10, 2009 at 8:09 pm
(58) Monique says:

I’m 19 years old and I my mom won’t let my boyfriend sleep over either. I’m working on that one though, I stay over at his apartment all the time. He is 21 and has been very compliant with my moms wishes.

However, parents DONT think that, as one woman here said, “not giving them a place to have sex” is going to change anything. Trust me, speaking form experience that only made things more adventurous! Sex in bathrooms, cars, the woods, etc. If anything I should be saying thanks mom for ehancing my sex life and I’m not even 20.

Just because I like sex and am going to have it no matter what my parents say, doesnt make me a bad person. I’m doing incredibly well in college, I’m a smart student, and very involved in campus/community activities like community leadership and big brother big sister.

SO think whatever you want but parents you’re just trying to close the barn doors after the horse is already out.

July 16, 2009 at 1:15 am
(59) Zara says:

How dare her boyfriend call her parents stupid!

At any rate, sex outside marraige is NEVER right. Sure, this is 2009, but does that mean morality has changed? Sex is for married couples and married couples ONLY.

My boyfriend and I have a “no touch” rule. This is not flexible. We do not makeout, hold hands, have sex, or even kiss. We want to save that for our future marriage.

Most normal men want a bride who has not been petted and pawed by some previous possessor.

Even if you marry that person, will the fact that you gave your virginity to them make them trust you more? If you have no respect for marriage before you married them, are you going to be faithful AFTER marraige???

Think about it.

July 20, 2009 at 4:37 pm
(60) Doraemon says:

On Your Daughters Side:
I am a 19 year old girl that has had a boyfriend for over two years.I’ll admit I’ve had sex but im not/never have been pregnant.You ask how can she not be pregnant? Well I was taught contraception. It is ignorant parents such as yourselves who assume your teenage daughter is going to get knocked up.Teach her a thing or two about sex and being safe.As for your 18 year old daughter she is 18 an adult legally she can move out of YOUR house with YOUR”Rules” and have as much SEX as she wants with her ignoramous of a boyfriend.The parents that act like “oh well my kid would get it if they did such things” Well to tel you the truth parent most of these teens and tweens have lost their virginity long before they were 18, including your so called sweet innocent child. Yes we lie to save our fit little behinds, and our relationship with you.
On The Mothers side:
This boy has no right to call you stupid or your thoughts stupid. You of course are the owner of your own house and if you feel uncomfortable with him staying the night then say no, but brace yourself for rebellion.If it makes you feel better make them sleep in seperate rooms. Chances are they have slept together already. I’ve never had my boyfriend sleep over, doesnt mean she hasn’t slept over there.Have your heard this “I’m going to go sleep over at jillians” Well to my knowledge she could be going to her boyfriends house. My best friend uses that line so she can get drunk with her friends and sleep over at a friends house.
My message to you:
Ma’am I’m not trying to be rude, but these are just tips for you and the rest of you parents to look out for. It’s going on behind your blind backs already so just let her stay the night at his house, if you feel it unnecesary to stay at yours. I myself am not allowed to have my boyfriend overnight nor have i technically broke the rules but there are many hours in a day and I can tell you I dont need to spend the night at someones house to do scandolous things she can also spend the day with him too =]

July 23, 2009 at 3:08 pm
(61) Kathandra says:

Okay I am 18 and I also recently asked if my boyfriend could sleep over at my house. My parents said No and I plan to abide by that decision, at least for the time being. My boyfriend and I have been “active” for a while now and my parents are aware. I have also stayed over at his numerous times without question. Although at first his parents were not happy with the idea. What I ask is; what makes everyone so certain that this couple will have sex? I personally feel uncomfortable and awkward at the thought of having sex with the parents in the next room and if staying at my boyfriends we would usually wait until his parents have left for work the next morning to do anything if at all. While the cats are at work, the mice are at play so to speak. We have plenty of time to have sex during the day-time hours. We both have part time jobs and are planning to go to uni at the end of the summer but still we usually have the opportunity during the day. My desire for my boyfriend to stay over has very little to do with sex. We just want to be able to wake up beside each other. Itís something so simple and innocent yet it means a great deal to us because itís the one thing we never get the opportunity to do. I ask the parents whether they have ever just cuddled up to their partners and fallen asleep. I personally think itís important to be able to have that sort of closeness especially if they are doing other stuff. If you know you have raised your daughter to be mature and responsible, I personally donít see any problem with her staying at her boyfriends for the night. On another note, all this talk about morals and how it is wrong to have sex before marriage is spawned from religious beliefs. What makes it so wrong if two people, of the appropriate age and maturity make love? Your child is old enough to make her own mistakes. Donít shelter her, let her live her life. If you have a problem with them staying at your house, they should respect that, but if his parents donít have a problem then I honestly think it would be wrong to stop her. Although, expressing your disapproval is perfectly acceptable.

July 25, 2009 at 7:06 pm
(62) Jeffrey Holt says:

Let’s all try to remember something. If we raise our children as we intend to, this issue will not become a question at this time in our childrens’ lives. They will already know how to reapond. It is never my place to determine who my childrens’ friends can or can’t be. All I can do is to share my value system of beliefs with my children, live the way I preach, and be a role model for the things I believe.
Think about the times when you have told your children they can’t have something. They almost become obsessed with it. Getting that one thing will become a quest. That’s why diets that don’t allow cookies, cakes and sweets fail. Weight Watchers works because it teaches you how to balance all of the foods you need. Parents should be like W.W. Teach your children how to make decisions. Then let them make some decisions, allowing them to make mistakes. This takes practice, and patience. Discuss with your child the consequences (good and bad) of each decisional path. The fork in the road will only lead to another fork in the road (decision time again).
For those of you who are now infuriated thinking I am living in a fantasy world, take a deep breath, and let me explain.
When my wife and I decided how we would raise our children, we realized that we wouldn’t always be there when they need us, and ultimately, they would have to make a decision on their own. The best thing my wife and I could do is to help them recognize when it was time to make a decision, how they might consider which one to make by weighing the alternatives. Leading up to this means talking about the difficult subjects along the way (safe sex, drugs, drinking, smoking) with a calm demeanor.
By living this way with our children, we have been blessed with 3 very responsible, respectful, and level-headed children who discuss EVERYTHING with us. I keep waiting for the ‘rug to be pulled out from underneath us’ but so far this really has worked.
This does not mean that we haven’t had arguments and disagreements – we have. But when the dust settles, and we come together, our children and us see eye to eye, and they understand what we meant when we talked about it both before and after.
Okay, now for those of you who read the whole thing and then come to a conclusion:
By raising our children to make their own responsible decisions as they are growing up, they then are equipped to make the difficult ones when they have to, when they are on their own.
We can’t say we want our children to be responsible and poof! they are responsible. We have to allow them room to become themselves and this involves trial and error. Many people and parents especially, think that who they are (the parents) is who their kids should become. After all, you didn’t turn out so bad, did you? Despite all the agreement I just got with that statement, parents fail to see the rest of life’s buffet. We are merely one or more choices on a buffet stocked with hundreds of choices, and honestly parents, some of the choices look better than what we chose, either by having it chose for us, or choosing it for ourselves. We need to help our children choose a balanced plate. We wouldn’t necessarily choose chicken nuggets, cottage cheese, and jello for our plates, but guess what? Our kids might. Just because they choose something different that us, does not make them wrong. As parents, I think it is pretty safe to say, you only want what is best for your children. Only we have to remember that we don’t necessarily know best, we only know one combination that worked, and wasn’t worst. Your kids are smart, and even if you think they aren’t listening, they surely are watching, and will use your example, one way or another when it comes time to decide. So give them freedom to decide in the small things, and when it comes time to decide the big things, the biggest compliment you will get is….”Mom, Dad, what do you think I oughtta do?”
Please remember, the world is changing, and our kids with it. Our kids learn faster today than we did, because someone somewhere was smart enough to realize they could. And in that, they are learning more than we were allowed to – when we were in school, we could only learn what the teachers let us. Now teachers have to learn that they don’t have all the answers of WHAT to learn, but need to be able to help kids learn HOW to learn for themselves. If we get off our hell bent on being right attitudes, we’ll get on the path of living with our children, and not for or through our children. Trust me. It’s a great place to be.

July 26, 2009 at 12:09 pm
(63) None says:

Okay parents…here’s the deal. I’m a 23 year old male, When I was 22, I was living with my parents, and went to see my girlfriend everyday. She had her own apartment. Soon I was spending the night. Within the first month, we had sex. It was OUR decision…my parents brought me up right, I wasn’t a trouble maker, and was a virgin until that point. Granted they really didn’t like the idea of the sex, but..at that point it IS NOT YOUR DECISION. You cannot run your childs life at that age anymore. Sex is an addiction after soo long, even for a virgin, hormones power it. You want is really bad. And as well all know, addictins are hard to deny. Now, house rules are house rules, but setting house rules that going another place to have sex isn’t allowed…congratulations, you’ve just found succcess #1, on how to get your child to move out, probably prematurely. If you really LOVE your child (at that age(even at 18)), you’ll tell them you don’t approve of it, but you support them because you love them. Get them contraception of some sort, and tell them, if they wish to have sex, it must not be under your roof. Or if you’re REALLY smart, you’ll allow it under your roof, because otherwise, trust me on this…if they cannot..they’ll want to find the quickest route out of your house..because they’ll want that rule gone.

As everyone else has said, stop sheltering your child! Your job is to teach them BEFORE they reach 18-20, once they are there.. there isn’t a DAMN thing you’re going to do to control them. My parent (one of them) tried, and found when he said (My way or get out), that he had a spare bedroom.

Remember, at 18 THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT, whether or not its in your house. So if you really want to help them, pay more attention to just how bad it would be, if they had sex, or whatever it is they’re wanting to do. You cannot change who they are, but you can assist them to keep it legal, and safe. At least under YOUR roof, you can be assured of that..if they move OUT..you have NO CONTROL, and under that scenario, probably NO COMMUNICATION as well. Give that some thought.

July 27, 2009 at 1:42 am
(64) Lavendermoon57 says:

I’m a senior in college and live at home during summer vacation. Since I was 17, I’ve had my boyfriend(s) sleep over. I respect my parents and they know that I wouldn’t bring anyone home that I wasn’t serious about, or that I wasn’t already sleeping with. I’m sorry to say it, but your daughter is having sex. I understand that it makes you uncomfortable, and if it’s a source of tension, then give the OK for them to spend the night at HIS house if you don’t want it to happen under your roof (which is completely reasonable). They’re just trying to be honest with you. They’re probably having sex in other places-car, work, whereever, so you should make sure your daughter knows how to protect herself from STDs and pregnancy. At this point, they actually just want to Sleep in each others arms, which is more romantic than anything. They’ve been dating for 2 years, which is an eternity in teen-time, so I’m sure they care about each other very much. Good luck getting through it Mom, your little girl is all grown up!

July 31, 2009 at 11:22 am
(65) shay says:

the girls already snuk out and dun it so waaaaaa if she gets pregnet its her fault for not being safe

August 26, 2009 at 2:20 pm
(66) Heather says:

“(and anyone that is 17 etc. and claims itís love is so kidding themself,and is not fully mature.. “

I’m 17 now, and I read most of these comments on here, until I read this one I pretty much understood everyones opinion. I have to say i’m 17 and I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I am completely in love. I am mature, and I do understand what this world is about and you don’t have a right to say we don’t know what it is because we are a bit younger. My boyfriend and I are going to be engaged to be married after we graduate. I am not allowed to stay over at his house, and he isn’t allowed to stay at mine either, but that is more because of my Dad then my Mom, and those rules only came up once, because I have respect for my parents and woudn’t ask again. My Mom did say I was allowed to go on a cruise next year when i’m 18 though so we will be allowed to stay together. I am pretty sure that his Mom knows we have sex, she knows theres condoms in his room, and i’m sure she thinks its better to have condoms then no condoms, we are very smart about it.

Heather.

August 30, 2009 at 12:04 pm
(67) penny says:

Even if we can’t practice what we preach, we should preach: do as i say, not as i do and continue to push the values of sex before marriage as being wrong. Sex is a big commitment and should be indulged in within the confines of a good, stable and very preferably, married state. Indulging your child in sex at home is lowering your standards and not giving him/her principles to live by and undermining their respect for you. They will be better off for following this.

September 12, 2009 at 11:20 pm
(68) Natasha says:

..ok..wow..I’m 15 and i think that you just need to “let go” i mean wow shes 18..trust me shes probably already had sex with him anyway..And FYI you can go to a boyfriends house and NOT have sex.

September 25, 2009 at 7:49 am
(69) Martha says:

This is NOT about sex, this is about respect. Respecting your parents and especially the BOY respecting the parents. Sex is so rampant these days, everyone seems to forget it is not the only part of relationships.

If the boy, he hasn’t earned man, doesn’t respect the parents or girl, he will press for her to sleep over. Gets all the benefits without having to do much. Young ladies need to draw the line and demand respect for themselves first and foremost and their families.

I believe you will have many failed relationships this way, so your parents are protecting you by saying NO, you shouldn’t be that EASY!

September 28, 2009 at 1:11 pm
(70) Talina says:

My Husband’s daughter who just urned 17 has bee sleeping over at her boyfrineds house for tow years. Her Mother has sole physical & Legal custody. We do not approve of this and feel it is not in the daughters best interest to stay the night weeksa at a time wih her boyfriend. She couldn’t stand it that she did not know his every move while we took her and her siste camping for 2 days. She got so upset when she could not get service on her phone on the way back to talk to him. We felt very unappreciated and disrespected. What can we do?

October 15, 2009 at 3:12 pm
(71) sbell says:

i dont think it has any thing to do with my respect. Many of the teens say if theyw ant to do it theyw ill find a way in a car or somewhere else. Why should they have to be that degrading about sex. Maybe she cannot afoord to move out and maybe she will help out more often if she gets these rights, and at least you can keep a handle on things if they are doing it at your home. Night day it doesnt mattter if they are asleep or awake they can still do it. If the sex is in thier home them the girl has more control of respect from her boyfriend. It doesnt have to be every nite but at least it is special in their own home. Like some of the writers said you cannot stop this and watch them every minute why are we making sex dirty? Its part of a relationship and theriu can be rules attached to that. They can learn alot of it not attached to the fact t hat they waited thill they were older and HAD to live with some one in order to have sex and then what kind of rules do the boyfrind have for her if she does live with him? Does it mean she does all the work in the apoartment and HAS TO have sex with HIm? SEX is a learnign process all in itself and while are we so focused on jusrt the sex in the relationship? SHouldnt there be other important parts of a relationship then just sex? WHY DO we HAVE to wait before we are married to have sex? Obviously we have religious beliefs that are the reason, but there are also other reasons to bypass those reasons. I do not know many teens these days that do not have sex because of their religious reasons. If it is why are they the ones sneaking around at places or doing at their house when their parents are out or at work. We are just teaching our kids that they need to be more sneaky or that they can do it but just dont tell us a bout it. That seems so hypocritical. (the writer who said do it in a car some where..how awful and cheap). And what happens if they are living together one day and over 18 can they then stay over and have sex or do we once again say it is dirty. We are not going to control the actions of our kids 100% of the time, and by no means am i saying theys hould have sex with just any one but they have been seeing each other for a period of time and get along whya re we teaching our teens that sex is bad and wrong?

November 7, 2009 at 7:08 pm
(72) confusion101 says:

My situation is different. I am 19 years old. I have my own apartment, a full time job, and I’m a full time student (2nd year). I pay for my own rent, electric, water, car payment, credit card bills, gas, and food. All my parents pay for is my car insurance and my phone/interent air card bill. About 3 months ago I got into a relationship with a guy I work with. What is complicated is that my dad and I used to work at the same place alongside with my boyfriend, and my dad stays at my apartment because my family home base is about 2 hours away from our work place. He is still staying with me now that he has another job because its easier and costs less for him travel wise. Now that I am in the relationship he does not like that I stay the night at my boyfriends house (he lives with his dad and dad’s gf). Just recently he has been putting his foot down about “How serious is this?” He does NOT like the fact that we stay the night together. I have confronted him about the fact that I am 19 years old, I do support myself for the most part and I deserve the respect of making my own decisions. I do everything for him (ie. take his clothes to the cleaner, bring him lunch, anything he asks) Yet he feels the need to put a guilt trip on me anytime I want to stay with my boyfriend or go out with him or when he thinks we are seeing eachother too much. I feel that I am supporting myself, I am a responsible adult, and I have the right to make my own decisions. Mine and my bf’s first date was my DAD’s idea! He went from liking the guy and thinking his is intelligent and driven to completely hating him and thinking he is not good for me. He also thinks that my bf is going nowhere in life, but hello! they worked at the same place. My dad was above him, but they were in different departments. So, I feel I am completely within my right to stay the night with my boyfriend whether at his house or my apartment. I just needed to vent because sometimes I feel like my parents rely on me for their success whether its being put in the middle in an argument or needing money or a car. I am the oldest child and only girl, so I can see where it is hard to let go of your only little girl, but I am 19 and I want to be free to make my own decisions without any guilt trips from my father or mother. My bf respects me in what I say and do, so I don’t see what is so wrong with it. I’m a legal adult right? My dad feels that I’m not fully raised until I’m 21 or 22. Crazy, I know.

November 9, 2009 at 2:35 pm
(73) Chelsey says:

I am 19 years old and began seeing my boyfriend in July. Sometime near the end of August I began staying the night with him, though my parents didn’t know, and he live 55 miles away from me. I stay there just about every night. Just recently my parents found out about it and they are pretty upset. I’m confused though, by everyone’s general reaction to a boy and a girl staying the night with each other. We’ve been staying with each other since July and haven’t had sex yet. We’ve talked about it, and of course we want to but we realize that when the time is right that is when it will happen. I also realize this may be hard to believe for a lot of people, but it is true. I’m not a virgin and neither is he, being 24.

Everyone has their own beliefs, and I’m not one to push my ideas onto others or have ideas pushed onto me. I only believe what I believe. I just can’t understand why parents get so bent out of shape about the sex topic. They were our age once, and they know how we feel. I believe that when you are young you imagine things, and when you’re an adult you pretend. Parents need to stop pretending their kids aren’t doing these things. Stop lying to yourself and realize that you can not control your child. You can only hope that they are a mature, young adult with all of the right tools (provided by you) to make the right decisions based on their beliefs, morals and needs.

Sex isn’t wrong if you are in a monogamous relationship with a person you care about. A relationship is talking, holding hands, kissing, group dating, traveling and yes…even having sex.

Religion isn’t for everyone, so assuming that your child will wait until marriage is very naive.

Life is a journey and a learning experience. I’m not going to live my life the way someone else expects me to. I want to make my own decision and be held accountable for them. I love my parents more than anything, and my intentions by staying with my boyfriend were not to rebel against their rules, or to hurt them. I just simply feel that as a young woman it is my right to have a say in my relationships and sex life, and what I can and cannot do. It is my body, my mind and my life.

Maybe the issue here shouldn’t be all about SEX SEX SEX. Maybe it’s really about the parent questioning whether they raised their child well, and if the child end up pregnant then they will blame themselves.

It’s your child’s life. If they have snuck out and are sleeping over with their boyfriend already there is nothing that you can do to stop that. Trust me. I have been doing things like that since I was 13. Now I am a mature young woman who is responsible with a job, going to college and that has dreams. Letting myself not be held back by my parents but also going out into the world knowing what they had taught me has made me a very smart person. I am very luck that I have gotten to experience things for myself. So do your child that favor, give her the tools she needs and set her free to live her life they way she wants. She will thank you when she gets older.

November 19, 2009 at 2:03 am
(74) anthony bleusse says:

Butterflies in your stomch are strong when you are knowing this person. You have not kiss her yet, or even hug her but you know the connection or chemestry is there;strong and latent. well, in the majority of cases ,this great illussions and butterfly’s desappear when sex happens and we become like a hunter; staring to deer head stuck on the wall while saying: well , i did it so it is time to move on to the next trophy lets go git it;so 18 years old does not give the right to fornicate at home or out but if it happens , it will probably be heartache mostly for the pray;your girl. GOD is the only capable power to reject this proposals but if you accept the gift of strength from him, and you have the capacity of understanding and assimilating GOD’S teachings

December 3, 2009 at 10:46 pm
(75) Ashkaun says:

All of you thinking you can sit here and act like your such adults. U women saying u dont want your children spending the night at guys houses or vice versa….. You did it yourself when you were that age. Hypocrites.

December 7, 2009 at 3:10 pm
(76) JD says:

I didn’t read everything posted since it pretty much was one way or the other.

My experience:
I was 16 when I started to sleep over/had boyfriends sleep over. I could have been smarter about the whole situation, but I was independent at this age (with out anyone to show me the right or wrong way to do things. I had to figure it out myself) since my Father had separated from his wife. I didn’t ask to have people over or to go places. I did what I wanted, how I wanted without any condemnation that I was doing something wrong, however my father never prohibited me from these sleep overs or anything. If I wanted to be grounded, I grounded myself (yes I have done that).

His view, I know many will disagree with, but he felt I was responsible enough to make my own choices (I was taught right from wrong since I was a child) and he was also trying to be a friend instead of a father due to our past. When I first moved in with him was the first time some one gave me choices for many things instead of telling me what i believed and how to act. I don’t suggest this approach, but while i was in high school I was responsible for my education and my needs (cloths food getting myself to school and work, in other words, managing my life)

I was gone most of the time so i didn’t have “chores”. I worked a part time job until I could have a full time job legally. I passed all 4 years of high school while having a full time job and by the end of 11th grade I had an apartment and a car. I also partied three to 4 nights week and managed all of these ( I maintained the same job through high school). I earned most of this by my actions, and had help with down payments and co signing from friends of the family and such.

I am 26, and am still independent, working a full time job, living with my boyfriend of three years and still do not have a child. I have done 3 years of college and am still working toward my goals in life.

Point being, the longer you procrastinate with teaching responsibility, the longer she will be immature and wont be able to weigh decisions and understand the concept of give and take/checks and balances. Have her earn the right to sleep over, but don’t force her to stay a child, because she is not a child anymore.

At the age 14 I realized that there were consequences for my actions/decisions. Good, bad and neither. I understood that no matter who was “teaching” me the “right” choices that there are many variables of right or wrong. I understood that I and only myself am ultimately responsible for my actions, no matter my upbringing (In and out of foster care from age 4 to 14 until I moved in with my father at age 14).

Teaching a child to be an adult starts much earlier in life, not at 18. The goal to to have the kid ready to be out of the house by 18 so they can contribute to society in a mature manner instead of expecting someone to hold their hand each step of the way.

December 15, 2009 at 10:27 pm
(77) Emma. says:

This is not nessicarilly about sex. She could just want to go hang out with him and just be with him for alittle, and trust me, if you say no, she will find a way. It’s not that hard to sneak around and fool your parents, even if their very protective. I’ve done it. And if it is about sex, it is her decision, not yours. And like I said, they could have sex in the day. Nothings special about staying the night. You should have full trust in your children. If you don’t, you apparently raised them wrong, and that’s your fault. And the people who say there waiting till mariage, seriously that’s just crazy this day in age. No kissing or holding hands? God you ruined your teenage years. I truely feel bad for you.

December 28, 2009 at 10:47 am
(78) anne says:

Guess what, I’m 14; I had sex.

There is no way around it.
theres no avoding it.

I’m not saying i’m proud about it; but seriously?
teens have just as strong hormones as you, if not stronger.

you say you’d kick your kids out, all you people do?
but why?
because they are BEING a teenager?

If you wanted to teach her about sex, you should have done it before it poked her intrest, to be honest.

She’s a legal adult.
Were you never a teenager?
Did you honestly wait till marragie?
I doubt that.

Look I understand that she’s your daughter and you want the best for her, but sometimes the best isn’t seen through a parents’ eyes.
you just want her to still be a little girl, your little girl.
and you can’t see that she’s not,
Frankly, I pity her.

December 30, 2009 at 5:17 pm
(79) Kay , 17 nearly 18 says:

hey im a 17 nearly 18 year old girl. i see myself as an adult and im going to make sure this year my parents realise it. unfortunally you can not stop your daughter from having sex if she is going to do it she will do it theres no way about it. she is an adult and is old enough to look after herself its a hard lesson but you will have accept you need let go, just as one day she will have children and will need let go of them. i have a boyfriend i love and care for, my boyfriend even has a medical condtion so anyone who says you can’t be in love at this age is totally wrong it is possible cause i can feel it every day i wake up. we are getting married in 3 years and we are already engaged, if you are meant to be with someone age doesn’t come into it. However about the sleeping issue yes it is your house so it is your rules, at the present moment it is hard for us young adults to find a place of our home with no jobs going means no money. however both my boyfriend parents said we can sleep together at 18 which im fine about. we have already had sex and shared that special connection there isn’t alot anyone can do to stop us. and theres nothing you can do to stop your daughter. it is about time you loosend the apron strings and realise your daughter is a woman as hard as it seems she is you have had your time with her as a child you brought up now you need to let her live her own life. it is the only way she will survive in this world. You will never stop being her mother but you need surport her with adult issues and not treat her like a child. From expierence that is the worst thing you can do with a young adult as it pushes them away trust me i know. best of luck hope you work your way around your problems with your daughter x

January 6, 2010 at 3:58 pm
(80) andrew says:

and what if they are’t having sex and their fooling around?my gf and i always respect our elders and parents and in this case heres an example for my situation..all 6sisters of mine had”magical”babies and im the last man standing in my family.im 22 and i can see why parents don’t allow it…but when you have a guy like me who’s told my parents that i’ve been having safer sex than ever(bc i dont want it to happen to me like my sis’s)and that were playing safe and all that than what makes the difference if im telling them that im having it over at their house or over at their parents..they know of this and they haven’t stopped me from sleeping over at her parents yet they will slap me to death if i even asked them too..thats just wrong isnt it?when my gf’s mom asks me to sleep on the couch instead of w/my gf i actually respect that n do so..but my parents say no everytime..if there was a f-ing hurricane or blizzard they would still send her home driving(which is an hour drive for both of us)which btw has happened and almost got my gf killed..so i will disrespect all the parents who say no on here..bc you know whats going on,i pay for the bils around my house i do more chores than anybody so if you parents would love to argue against my situation than by all freaking means i will rip you a new one.but in this persons case i would probably say no unless theres a circumstance of some sort.like too late or drunk or something along those lines.like everyone on here that has been saying this i compltely agree..if you dont beleive your kids are having sex already than youre just plain out pardon my french dumb..get with the 21st century..this ain’t back in the 50′s plus where kids actually say thank you for dinner or ask for the consent of marrying their kids..this new age isnt like the old.its scary to think that these days theres more teens having babies and all..but guess what..its going to happen whether they sleep over or not..like others claim coming from a used to be porn addict…people will find ways whether its in your bed or in space..doesnt matter.so id say no unless they were paying for things or if i truly trusted my kid and believe he or she wouldnt be stupid..you know some people sleepover not just bc of sex these days either..

January 26, 2010 at 6:07 pm
(81) selina says:

well my 19 yr old thinks its ok to bring a boy into here room with her son and let him sleep there nononono

January 29, 2010 at 4:43 pm
(82) SuMc says:

I struggle with the same issue over my daughter.
She is 17 and having sex with her boyfriend. I was relieved she told me. At the same time I found out it is happening in my own house.
I tried to research what is normal today and what is reasonable to expect. I know my daughter and do not think it is about this relationship or boy. I worry about her judgement in general, but don’t think I can control this. At least it sounds like she is having safe sex.
If I insist she end the relationship with this fellow, I fear what other guy she will get involved when I know who she dated in the past.
Now she says that she thinks telling me was the problem.
I want to keep the line of communication open.
I would prefer if she would wait to make these decisions when she is self supporting. I can’t follow her around 24 and 7 or make sure she doesn’t have sex.

So by coming down too hard I run the risk that she won’t talk to me about her problems and do what she wants to do anyway.So do I say go have sex in a car or his house, because that is all that will happen. I don’t like it, but I don’t like the alternatives.
Someone else want to walk in my shoes. Parents need to decide on the nature of their kids as well. I’ve tried ultimatums in the past and we have had awful fights.
Once I didn’t see her for two days. It’s fine to say how life should be and theoretically I agree, my house my rules and you should be self supporting, etc.
But looking at the consequences, we all have to make our own decisions and live with the consequences.
She is having a doctors appointment and I’ve already seen a counselor. She has an appointment. She doesn’t look at her experiences or sex in the same way I do and the mores that were a part of my generation.

It is also a women’s right issue. The double standard is part of the anxiety and what others will think.
So I say none of that here with that boy, then there will be another boy in another place that has an even worse potential consequence. Advice is appreciated. I am doing the best I can

February 3, 2010 at 11:10 pm
(83) glen haley says:

I think you have to look at this carefully .. If the reason you don’t want them to have a sleep over is because you think they will be having sex than you are not very wise.. they are already having sex .. you might pretend they are not and wish to believe they are still innocent and young and that your daughter would never do that but she probably is .. this doesn’t make her promiscuous .. its just normal in todays times.. and if by some chance they are not sleeping together.. than that is because they choose to .. really has nothing to do with your discipline .. so .. a sleep over..

does it mean it has to be in the same bed? no.. but is there anything wrong with sleeping over ? why not .. unless you intend to put a curfew up for them to leave at lets say 11 oclock .. they are going to be up half the night anyways.. and if you refuse them that they will do it anyways.. or it will cause alot of anger towards you .. so my advice … allow it .. support it .. but with guidelines.. not in the same bed .. no sex while you guys are in the same house.. you can either ignore it or accept it.. doesn’t change whats actually happeneing though ..

February 4, 2010 at 6:48 pm
(84) DAD says:

To all fathers.. never let your daughter have her boyfriend sleep over(NEVER). This situation results from the boyfriend putting pressure on your daughter to have sex. Raise her with dignity and respect for herself. NO means NO.

February 11, 2010 at 6:12 am
(85) Rachael says:

I’d have to say that restricting them having sex in your house is your right, that is reasonable. Thinking that sleepover = sex is illogical. Thinking that you control them is illogical. Rather than trying to yell them into avoiding pregnancy try talking and you have no right to stop them from having sex; legally or morally, if they are 18 and consenting.

Also her staying at his house “overnight” frankly you could disapprove, but you have to realize you are infringing upon her rights if you deny her that. If you got mad at her for doing it anyways you should think about it objectively I mean what if someone suddenly told you now “You have no right to eat pizza on your own time, even if you bought it. It isn’t allowed, why? because I’m the parent.” Wouldn’t that be unreasonable? sex is no different.

-16 year old girl who has been in a relationship for 3 years and is still a virgin even though her boyfriend has stayed the night consecutively for 2 weeks on occasion.

February 21, 2010 at 11:36 pm
(86) doug says:

I’m 14 and I somtimes spend the night at my girlfriends house. I mean we sleep in the basement on seperate couches. I say let her

February 24, 2010 at 10:12 am
(87) nellek says:

Do you think they are not having sex? Get real. Accept she is a grown woman not a little girl. You have a choice – let her have sex at your house where you know she is safe or don’t allow her and push her down the route of sex in a car, round the back of a building, whereever. Your choice.

March 15, 2010 at 10:31 am
(88) Michael says:

I’m a father of a now 17 year old girl. When she was 14, she had her first boyfriend. We thought it was going to be short-lived as most young teen relationships are. However, 18 months later they were still together. By this time we’d had the discussions about prevention of infection and pregnancy, and above all that before 16 its illegal. As she was approaching 16 they were still together & we had to be realistic. Most importantly, we knew the boy and he was overall a good kid. My wife organised birth control for her. After her 16th birthday he was allowed to sleep over. This was all done with the knowledge and agreement of his parents.

She lost her virginity in our house, in her own bedroom, with a caring partner. Unfortunately the relationship did eventually end, but I don’t think that’s anything out of the ordinary.

She now has a new boyfriend and at the moment we don’t allow sleepovers for two reasons. Firstly the relationship hasn’t been going long enough, and secondly we know that his parents wouldn’t approve. We will review this when they are both 18.

March 21, 2010 at 10:35 am
(89) SUE says:

IF THEY WANT TO RUIN THEIR LIVES BY BEING FOOTLOOSE AND FANCY FREE THEN IT WILL BE DISASTROUS.A PREGNANCY AN ABORTION COULD FOLLOW AND LEAD TO A LIFE OF GUILT.THERE IS NO RESPECT THESE DAYS WHEN THE LAW SAYS YOU CAN BUT COMMON SENSE SAYS HELL NO .THERE ARE PARENTS THAT SAY OK BUT WHERE ARE THEIR BRAINS, IT IS THE WORST THING A PARENT CAN DO . THIS IS NOT REALLY ABOUT SEX SO MUCH AS LACK OF RESPECT FOR THE FAMILY UNIT.THE GIRL SHOULD BE TAUGHT ABOUT CONDOMS IN ANY CASE AS YES THEY PROBABLY ARE ALREADY DOING IT . KIDS THESE DAYS DONT WAIT FOR PERMISSION THEY DO WHAT EVER THEY WANT . THE LAW SHOULD BE CHANGED I FEEL TO 21 .THATS MY PERSONAL OPINION AND I’M SURE NO ONE ELSE SHARES IT . I KNOW OF KIDS WHO HAVE BEEN RAPED BY BOYFRIENDS WHO DRANK AND THIS WAS IN THEIR FAMILY HOME.

March 26, 2010 at 3:04 pm
(90) Anonymous says:

I just turned 17 and before that was not aloud to hang out or go over to boyfriends house. i have been dating my boyfriend since i was 16 and we waited till i was 17 to hang out at his house…waited vert patiently. and when im 18 (a legal adult) i expect that i can stay then night at his house. we have already had sex and i didnt have to wait to even go to his house for that because like someone else said happens ANY TIME AND WHERE. it is hard to have a true relationship with someone if you have restrictions on it put on by your parents. i hated my mom for keeping me so sheltered i just recently started having new freedoms and therefor our relationship is soooooo so much better.

and for those who say she can move out if she doesnt like it, get real. she will then, why make her move out just to stay the night at someones house she is most likely alreay having sex with? that is stupid. because she can get a job a car whatever she needs but i dont think she needs that stress so young. what she needs is a good relationship with her mother and her boyfriend. let her spend the night and if your that worried about it put her on birth control.
=/

March 28, 2010 at 4:35 pm
(91) Kay says:

This is not advisable. Sleepovers just set the stage of having sex. Let’s not rush it.

You may need to discuss with your daughter the reason for her request.

April 5, 2010 at 3:31 pm
(92) Teenage Daughter says:

From personal experience unless your daughter is contributing to bills or living on her own, its your house and your rules. If she can’t support herself she shouldn’t be making decisions like that.

June 3, 2010 at 1:17 am
(93) viewdemonde says:

I recently moved out of the family home temporarily for 6 weeks. When I returned, I discovered that my 17 year old daughter had installed her 19 year old boyfriend in the house. Although he does work most days, he has most meals here, she buys the liquor (when they go to parties) and his gas (he lives a few suburbs away) and he gets to have sex with her almost every night. Her father will not confront her about it because I feel he’s afraid she’ll leave. I’ve told her how I feel, that I think it’s disrespectful to us as parents, but don’t know what to do as her father will not back me up. She says cockily: “well, at least someone’s having sex in this house.” It makes me angry, but I don’t want to say something that I’ll regret. How can I make her see that this boy is using her as a meal ticket?

July 22, 2010 at 5:46 pm
(94) Irish2u says:

I have read a lot of good stuff, But the bottom line is your house is your House, like said their are rules here and if you choose not to abide by them then get your own place. Now its funny turning it around they move out , you go to visit and if they don’t like the conversation or the way its going they can tell you to leave and to respect their Privacy and if you don’t your not welcomed any longer so what has changed here very little to nothing, Owners house , owners rules, UNLESS their is something going on liker drug use or Bad, illegal stuff, abuse which crosses over a line and one must take the appropriate steps looking out for ones but interest and safety.
Yes things do change but their are somethings that do not change because theirs a few called respect and values . Many have loss sight of the true meaning of Respect and Family Values and it stems from greed , it doesn’t matter how much or little one has but whats in their heart.
Everyone has choices , their are good choices and bad one has the choice to follow what path they choose, just like their are winners and losers, stick with the winners, the positive people for only good comes out of it, you run with the losers and its problem after problem playing the blame game.
This is your choice and your life But remember do not bite the hand that feed or fed you….

September 17, 2010 at 9:25 pm
(95) sammie says:

OK I have 4 girls- 20,18,7 & 1. 20 year old engaged lives with her dad, 18 old in college and her step dad whom has brought her up for 10 years (great man) changed the curfew from 12 to 10– there had been a few accidents in our local towns some of which were fatal, and others my daughters friends – and they are lucky to be alive. Anyway – she is a very good daughter helps with the younger girls all the time, and he changed the curfew due to her girlfriends car accident. being that she is 18 legally an adult I think it should be later – she doesn’t party and most of her friends work til 10 or 11. It is a very touchy subject with my husband but of course he adds ” Our home, Paying the bills, our rules.” but it should be “HIS” I don’t agree and turn blue in arguing.. any suggestions on how to compromise. (sorry if any word spelled wrong or it doesn’t make sense, very tired). I am letting her come home late tonight and he does not know yet. Thank You for any comments… Just don’t be too harsh if they are going to be harsh..

October 14, 2010 at 11:04 pm
(96) Sarah says:

I’m 17 and i am trying to convince my parents to let me stay at my boyfriends house. We’ve been going out a year and 11 months (almost 2 years) and his parents are totally cool with me sleeping over… we’d be in different rooms even.
My parents still think its not appropriate, but I don’t see a reason why it would be. Different rooms, parental supervision…it’s no different then when i stay with them in the country.

Its just frustrating..any advice on my situation?

and I think you should let your daughter sleep over…you not letting her might result in her sneaking out to sleep there…perhaps set rules on WHEN she can sleep over(which is reasonable) but i think you should give her freedom…(speaking from a teen perspective)

October 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm
(97) patty says:

It is not only about the sex, it is about respect. My children ask me if it is ok to invite somebody for dinner, why not to ask for a guess staying to sleep?
I am like the above comment my home, my rules!!

November 18, 2010 at 10:08 pm
(98) chris young says:

you parents are stupid, retarded, and stuck up. This is exactly why when your kids get into fights with you, they say “i hate you” not everything is about sex. You sound ridiculous and selfish gosh!, just listen sometimes. If you honestly think that they’ll have sex check up on them every 5 min. you sound so stupid. If they ask to sleepover its not because the want to have sex……. If the have been together for a year or more they are in love most likely. the first couple of comments make me sick..this isnt the 70′s just because you may have had sex when you were young doesnt mean your kids will..

November 26, 2010 at 12:40 pm
(99) Dave says:

Stand by your rules. Your house, your rules, as you say. I find it amusing how these kids, 16,17, 18 years old, are offering their opinions and recommendations, based upon the vast wealth of knowledge and experience they have gained in the short time they have lived. They imply that they are reasonable, intelligent people, yet fail to consider that those who have lived twice as long may actually have accumulated twice the amount of wisdom and knowledge. Look, I have spoke with many many young adults that say they wished they had waited to have sex (that’s essentially what this conversation revolves around). Despite efforts to engage in safe sex, a number of them have found themselves pregnant or with some STD. Others simply wished they had saved themselves to give to their life partner only. I’ve yet to meet someone who refrained from having sex until they were a mature adult, who says they wished they had had sex when they were much younger. I’ve yet to meet one who regretted their decision to wait. It’s true, we are in 2010 now. And only in this day and age would we find young people who feel that it’s not only the parents responsibility to not only provide for their teenager, but to condone and encourage every activity that their son or daughter wants to engage in. Yeah, we’ve sure come a long way. Listen kids, in our society you are never going to be able to just do whatever you want. Responsible parents should be preparing their children to live life by the rules. There will always be rules. As for the moron calling the adults hypocrites (this is an argument I hear quite often), I think you should rething your position. Just because a parent may have engaged in premarital sex doesn’t mean that parent has forfeited the right to caution against it. I began drinking when I was 12. I started using drugs when I was 14. Started having sex when I was 16. Started stealing when I was about the same age. Had been expelled from school when I was 17. Been to jail 3 times by the time I was 18. Received a drunk driving citation when I was 18. Had an affair with a married woman when I was in college. Now, according to your logic, I’m a hypocrite if I tell younger people not to engage in the activities that I chose to engage in. You call me a hypocrite? Fine, I’m a hypocrite. A hypocrite that wants to relay my mistakes to a younger generation, hoping to spare them the consequences of making such poor decisions. Would it be more responsible of me to say to them, “hey, it’s your life, go live it, make some mistakes, it’s what life is all about”? Why not instead offer the kids the benefit of our life experiences, and let them learn from them, rather than having to learn on their own, and possibly live the rest of their lives with the permanent consequences that result from a poor decision? I wish I had had more guidance when I was younger. I wish I had had parents who set some boundaries, and didn’t just allow me to do whatever I wanted. The “if it feels good, do it” motto isn’t all it’s made out to be. Those who live by and promote it are usually selfish, self indulged people, similar to your daughter’s boyfriend. Hell, when I was his age I would have argued that the parents of every beautiful teenage girl should let them do whatever they want, including staying the night at my house. Now I say stick to your principles. In the end, your daughter may decide to move out and move in with her boyfriend. But at least then you will not be feeling guilty when she gets pregnant, or when the boy breaks up with her and tells all his friends about the nasty freaky sex he had with the slut who’s parents didn’t care. Teenage boys are looking for vulnerable girls like this, who’s parents have a very liberal outlook on life. Protect your child, set some boundaries, and stick to them. When it comes to my kids, I chose to err on the side of caution.

December 30, 2010 at 2:12 pm
(100) Chuck T. Richards says:

As a parent, I would never want my children to break the rules in my home. It is a matter of respect. If my children don’t respect my rules, they don’t respect me.

I don’t care how old you are! If you are 40, living on your own and not married, don’t expect to come to my house (even for a visit) and sleep with your partner if you’re not married!

Respect yourself enough to do what is right…not what the world is doing!

If my children can’t follow common sense rules, (my rules even if they are not common sense) then get your own place!

That’s life!

I hope you can make the right decision mom.

Chuck

January 6, 2011 at 6:20 am
(101) Porche says:

I mean what really can u do? She’s going to do it anyways, look at it this way at least she told u rather than she sneaking off, right

February 13, 2011 at 4:39 pm
(102) Kitra says:

If she was 13, 14, 15, even 16, then the obvious answer would be no. But she’s 18. Talk to your daughter. Truthfully. I’m not saying it’s right to let her boyfriend call you stupid, but she sounds like a mature girl with good morals. Don’t let her go completely, but…

April 26, 2011 at 9:34 pm
(103) Jenna says:

I’m 12 years old, and I don’t have a boyfriend. My mom lost her virginity at a young age and she doesn’t want me making the same mistake. No boyfriend AT ALL until I’m 17. And I’m fine with that. I truly believe that this jerk of a boyfriend does NOT respect you in the least and I would say ABSOLUTELY NOT until they support themselves. Just because I am 12 doesn’t nessecarily mean we’re dumb and clueless! We have our own opinions and mine is that he has no respect and until he finds it he’s not going to be with your daughter. 18 or not!!

July 6, 2011 at 1:00 pm
(104) Pam says:

As the mother of a 19 yr old college student who lives at home, I understand this problem. When she turned 18, I let her know she now has the freedoms but also the responsibilities of an adult. She has had the same boyfriend since she was 17, who also lives with his parents. He is allowed to come over and they can hang out in the basement until late but I’m not comfortable with him spending the night here. I’ve let her know this and both of them respect our decision, because it is our home and our rule, not because we are ‘stupid’.

If the boyfriend is so disrespectful as to call you ‘stupid’ because of your decision, perhaps your daughter should re-evaluate her relationship with this young man and decide if she wants to be with someone who is so immature and disrespectful to her parents. Because in the long run, he might not be the right person to spend her future with. If your daughter agrees with her boyfriend and not you, then I would let her know that this is your decision and you aren’t changing your mind. If she accepts that, then she can continue to live with you but if not, then it may be time for her to look for a place of her own.

July 30, 2011 at 12:42 am
(105) Jazmin says:

Im 17. and WHOA, her boyfriend called you stupid? Wow… thats a bad sign to begin with. If i were her parent, wouldn’t trust him as deep i could bury him.

but dont be foolled into thinking thats how ALL kids are, it has nothing to do with being in a christian home or horny teens, or time of the day…. Its all about your kids personality.

I am raised with the idea that Sex (by the bible) is for marriage. And i know that i wouldn’t turn into a promiscuous heathen JUST because the opportunity arose to do so. and i know others that are the same way.

… AND I know kids (16-19) that would rip their clothes as soon as they got the chance (mormons, christians, aethists…its doesnt discriminate)

Its a case by case thing.
Clearly your daughter isn’t one to be trusted (since you asked the internet of all places). Or this disrespectful boyfriend for that matter.

I’d imagine they WERE trustworthy and the you WERE comfortable with the boyfriend, putting them in separate rooms would be all that would need to be done.

You could say something like, “Say good night at 10pm. go to your own rooms and no late night visits.”

and the children say “yes, Ma’am.”
and actually listen.

sounds crazy. But if they REALLY wanted to spend the night (innocently without sex in mind), they would probably follow whatever rules the parents set, to make it so.

If you KNOW they are just try to set up a Sex date? NO way in heck should you allow it. She’s still in mom’s house, so mom is still responsible for her. Age isnt everything.

You’ve had your daughter for ALL her life. If anyone knows her, its you. So ask yourself, “Can i trust her to make smart choices when im not there to stand over her shoulder?”

If the answer is “well…” or “maybe” or something thats not a Yes 100% then dont let her go. plain and simple.

at least, i’d hope thats how my mom would treat me.

October 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm
(106) Brandon says:

All I have to say is that some parents should have a little faith and trust in their, kids, I mean young adults. We are living in modern times, people still have sex, yes. But if you raised your kid with morals and self respect, I don’t really see how this can be a issue. Trust.

November 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm
(107) Ashley says:

Honestly on this question, I am 18 my self and I live with my parents still and I asked to stay with my boyfriend and they said no because I am in college and that didnt really give m a reason why I couldnt. They want me to grow up and get married to the one I am with but how am I going to do that if they wont let me just spend one or two nights with them… In my opinion it doesnt matter what religion or anything you believe in. The girl is 18 and she has every right to do what she wants. According to the law she is grown and you can’t tell her what to do… But in my case I have a older brother that got to what ever he wanted when he was 17 and that includes staying the night with his girl friend… I think you should let her… shes never going to grow up and learn if you shelter her at home….

December 13, 2011 at 9:40 pm
(108) Court says:

Why does staying the night have to relate to sex…I mean they been dating two years so I’m sure they can stay the night together without having sex.I’m only 16 and also have been in a2yr relationship and sulk with him.I’m trying to get my mom to let me.we dont even have to sleep in the same rom.respect is a two way street.if you respect her by laying her make her item decisions she will respect you by not having sex.ghats my opinion.but I’m also just a kid add kids know nothing…..

December 22, 2011 at 6:19 pm
(109) Rachael says:

Just because they want to sleep over doesn’t mean they want to have sex and if they have been dating for two years they’re probably doing it anyways

December 30, 2011 at 8:20 pm
(110) Heather says:

Hello people wake up! some parents are just going to set in there ways of being austintatiously stuck in there ways saying something like “no self respecting girl would ask something like that.” When the reality of it all is that they all want to just to afraid of there parents to ask. Some times its best for them to go to get out of the situation that they are in at the current moment.

January 8, 2012 at 11:10 pm
(111) Morgan says:

What do u think if you are 19 years old n have been dating this guy for 5 years n love him so much. The only time u slept over was on prom would u let them sleep over each others house

March 21, 2012 at 8:05 pm
(112) nikki says:

no way am 13teen and i even now better then that if she leaves under house ur rule . i have a boyfriend and he came over around really late and my mom sat me down and talk to me and u need to to from nikki 13

April 19, 2012 at 8:35 am
(113) bekah says:

im 18 and been with my boyfriend who is 24 for 2 years. i was aloud to stay over at his after my mam and dad met him. i know that i would have hated my parents for letting me. 18 you are classed as an adult and feel you should be given that breathing space. its just so they can see more of each other and if they want to do it then they will no matter what you say.. i would let her she will respect you more but if your so concerned set rules…

April 19, 2012 at 12:08 pm
(114) mike Gutierrez says:

i have a similar quesiton. Im 24, about to be 25, my girlfriend is 23 about to be 24. We both live with our own parents. Her parents are very traditional and dont let her do anything with me unless its just for a few hours or its with her best friend. Im not asking her to spend the night with me everyday at all but they never let her come with me and my family to events. We’ve been on and off for about 1.5 yrs now and i told her i dont mind going with her to her families things. I hang out with her family more than she does with mine. It just hurts thinking that our relationship mite not make it because she can never spend time with me or my family. We dont see each other everyday and i dont mind that because we both work, and go to school, and have outside activities we do. What do you think about this?

April 20, 2012 at 2:05 pm
(115) Rachel says:

I’m a 19-year old girl living with my parents. What everyone else is saying about ‘sex happens’, is true. I am still a virgin but I know everyone does it. I’ve have even had a couple of chances. Being raised in a christian household has influenced my point of view on abstinence. I have thought about having sex but I quickly thought about the consequences that my parents and schools have educated me with. I have a boyfriend of 2 years and we haven’t ‘done it’ because we both respect waiting till marriage. For your daughter’s boyfriend to call you ‘stupid’ was not a respectful thing to do. If my boyfriend were to do or say anything disrespectful to/of my parents he wouldn’t be around much longer. By him calling you names makes me think he isn’t at all serious about the relationship and is only thinking about himself. Your daughter lives with you, therefore he should respect you (as parents) and your daughter. I think the rule, ‘my house my rules’ applies but if you don’t give our ‘stubborn’ generation a logical reason, we won’t care. You can’t just tell us ‘No!’ that will make us want to do it even more. I’n this case you would have to trust that you raised your daughter right. I wouldn’t allow my daughter to have sleepovers with her boyfriend, but i would still educate her in a ‘if it is going to happen’ view. Hope that helped.

April 25, 2012 at 7:18 pm
(116) Skye says:

NO,….Do not give your permission for her to sleep over her boyfriend’s house or for him to stay at yours. IF you do, and things go badly, (a pregnancy, a severely broken heart….she may blame YOU for allowing her to get in so deep.

Tell her she can have sex when she is financially secure enough to care for a child until they are 18, and has the desire to spend Friday and Saturday nights at home with the baby, when she is strong enough that if she chooses abortion, she will not think about what she has done and feel guilty for the rest of her life, and mature enough that if she gives it up for adoption, she will be at peace with her decision, and not spend sleepless nights wondering where her child is and if she is healthy and happy.

I cannot believe most 15 to 17 year old girls really feel a strong desire for sex. They want love, attention, hugs, and kisses, and be made to feel special…..but, the strong desire for sex kicks in a bit later. So, most of the time, IMHO, they give in to the pressure of boys or their boyfriend, whose sex drive peaks at 18 to 26 years of age.

Sadly, many young girls and women turn to drinking and drugs to dull the pain they feel when the boyfriend decides to move on to another. Women are suppose to feel a strong attachment to a man they have sex with. It is programmed into them. This is why many young girls will stay and put up with a boy that treats them badly.

True, she can have all the sex she wants without your permission, but at least she can fault no one but herself if she is left with emotional scars or the heart-wrenching decisions she will be faced with if she gets pregnant. And you will know you did everything you could to protect her.

P.S. I would casually mention to the boyfriend, that if she gets pregnant, and decides to keep the baby, you WILL be coming after him for child support until the child is 21!

April 25, 2012 at 8:59 pm
(117) Sierra says:

I’m 18 and I suggest having him sleep over at your house on the couch or guest room first. You need to ease her into this to show their should be guidelines, plus in your house you can tell if they’re up to anything. If that doesn’t work then it depends, if the boyfriend still lives at home tell his parents to make sure their not doing anything you don’t approve of, if he lives alone then tell your daugher, she wants to stay the night with him then she can move in with him. She is a teen though, she has to learn from her own mistakes sometimes, no matter how much you wish she wouldn’t make him. Also tip, tell your daughter to make sure he’s tested for STD’s.

April 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm
(118) Sierra says:

Also you should seriously talk to your daughter about the men she is dating if her boyfriend would call you stupid. My parents might allow my boyfriend to spend the night someday but they know he respents them and me, any man that would discriminate their girl’s parents shouldn’t be a keeper because he probably doesn’t respect the chid of them.

April 27, 2012 at 9:56 pm
(119) Mark says:

Views are views. Morality doesn’t change. When we should be asking the purpose of our life, we are so focused on releasing the “inner beast” and becoming a slave to our carnal desires. ‘If it happens, happens’ kind of view is not logical, does not display human quality, but displays carefree, robot-like attitude. As a human being, we should be striving to mature in our mentality and psychology, instead, we find the easy way out to just ‘follow our instinct’ as a mammal. Should we continue to waste our time in trying to justify, humanize, rationalize, and beautify the animal instinct? Or should we continue to search the purpose of life, grow spiritually, psychologically, mentally, and philosophically? Don’t fall into the brainwashing culture of our time that moralizes many of our demoralizing behaviors. Be a human, think before you speak, strive towards maturity, and be the better person we should all try to be. Don’t stay at the bottom of maturity and be satisfied with fulfilling mere animal instinct. Be something more than an animal with a human form. Act and think like a human. If you want to argue what’s wrong and what’s right, start by reading the book called ‘Morality’ by Kant. It’s all there, we are just being lazy. If you are not going to read it or something close to it to find what could be right and wrong, then just admit your immorality and stop trying to rationalize why you should be justified in carrying out such immoral and immature act.

April 30, 2012 at 5:22 am
(120) Crystal says:

Honestly I think the parents commenting here are kidding themselves. You can’t protect your “child”, who at 18 is a legal adult , from losing her virginity. Assuming that she is a virgin. If they decide they want to have sex, trust me it’ll happen. In the forest, in the car, anywhere, it doesn’t have to be at a sleepover. Not letting her stay at her boyfriends house won’t change that. What happens under your roof is your call. However trying to control what she does outside your home is something you’re going to have to let go of.
By treating her like a child, you’re going to drive your daughter out of your house before she’s financially stable. Also, the way the economy is right now, it takes longer to become financially independent than it did before. Don’t shame or judge younger generations because of the mistakes of those before them.

May 2, 2012 at 11:49 am
(121) L says:

I think it’s a great idea! Especially is you want grandchildren soon!

May 5, 2012 at 1:55 am
(122) sc34441 says:

Mike Guiterrez says: mike Gutierrez says:
i have a similar quesiton. Im 24, about to be 25, my girlfriend is 23 about to be 24. We both live with our own parents. Her parents are very traditional and dont let her do anything with me unless its just for a few hours or its with her best friend. Im not asking her to spend the night with me everyday at all but they never let her come with me and my family to events. Weíve been on and off for about 1.5 yrs now and i told her i dont mind going with her to her families things. I hang out with her family more than she does with mine. It just hurts thinking that our relationship mite not make it because she can never spend time with me or my family. We dont see each other everyday and i dont mind that because we both work, and go to school, and have outside activities we do. What do you think about this?

****************

I think you are old enough to propose marriage, once engaged her parents will be more trusting of you.

If I were her parents i wouldn’t want her sleeping over your house either till she was self supporting.

JMO.

May 5, 2012 at 8:54 pm
(123) bella black says:

ok so first
to kathy: its so not true a girl/guy can decide when ther are or aren’t in love at ant age. take me for instance im only 14 and have been going out with this guy for about 6 months now and from the very start i have been absolutly positivley head over heels in love with him.We started talking about having sex about a week ago. we went to my mom and me and him have talked and talked and talked about this and made sure we are 100% sure were ready for this kind of commitment.

as long as you talk to your kids and make sure that the door is open for them to come talk to you then you shouldnt have any problems at all. and yes ive stayed over at his house befor and hes stayed at mine

May 6, 2012 at 6:14 am
(124) Steve says:

Isn’t it funny, that the same adults that would prohibit their 18 year old daughter from having a “sleep-over” at her boyfriend’s parents home, happily and gladly send their 18 year old daughter off to some college somewhere, where the 18 year old could likely have many many “sleep-overs” with a boy friend.

Parents should preach that sex is either okay outside of marriage, or sex is not okay outside of marriage. Parents need to train up their children to become responsible adults. Sending your 18 year old child to a college f*** factory, is not a responsible action, imo.

May 9, 2012 at 6:50 am
(125) Kay says:

I think you should allow it. She’s 18, would you rather her leave home during the night and somehow get kidnapped? Once she turns 18, I believe you should let some rules lighten. You should TRUST her, that she will make the right decisions. That’s the only way, if you (the parents) trust her.

May 9, 2012 at 10:43 am
(126) Charles S. says:

NO. Why would you even consider this? Why would you need to ask this question? NO. Your daughter should NOT have overnighter’s with any boyfriend. What is wrong with being a couple and living like they have good sense. IF they want to live together get married. Sleeping around get them pregnant. Are you ready for that? Come on, be the grown up and say NO, it is wrong.

May 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm
(127) rosemary says:

You said you wanted to reduce the TENSION in your house. Then you need to say NO!!!! I’ve raised 8 children and the last one is a young man who just turned 21. THere is NO WAY he would ever ask that question of us because he already knows the answer. It’s your home. Don’t ever give in to unreasonable demands. and guess what it’s YOUR home so anything any CHILD is demanding is UNREASONABLE. ……by the very fact that she would even dare to ask or demand what she knows is absolutely AGAINST your wishes. SHe’s just like a 3 year old who wants ice cream every day and her boyfriend is even worse…….He wants your family’s ice cream, no matter what you say or want. He’s got some nerve and some kind of arrogance. SAY NO, clearly and unequivocably OR she can move out, find housing and then start her life without all the help you’ve given her all these years! She’ll be back pronto and without any worthless little boy-male attachments who want to live off of you and your accomplishments.

May 11, 2012 at 1:11 am
(128) Lynne says:

I do see your point. It is quite frightening to think of your daughter, who is, in a sense, your own flesh and blood, in this way. But the truth is, we all have a sexual side. Unfortunately, sex did not cease with your generation. Nor will it with hers, if and when she becomes a mother. Whether you raised your daughter “this way” or not, her generation influences her socially, and sex at a her age has become much more acceptable. I think it may be good to call attention to the fact that she’s waited for a guy she loves and trusts to come along before getting into sex. That is a positive. So, I’m sure the way you raised her still influences her. However, in her generation, it’s very rare to be abstinent once one has become an adult. While you’re feeling protective, and concerned, as mothers naturally do, she’s feeling excited about this newer, mature aspect in her life. She is legally an adult, and she feels entitled to her own decisions as one. Yes, she may be making a mistake, but this is the point in her life where she has to start learning from them all by herself. It is certainly okay to be there for “guidance.” You might warn her that you see her decision as dangerous, or a bad idea. But ultimately, she has now earned the role of making her own decisions. She can technically “do whatever she wants.” But the upside? It’s still fair to have rules. You can’t forbid your daughter from sleeping with her boyfriend, but you can fairly make a rule that they cannot engage in sexual activity in your house. Wherever else they find to do that is they’re business, but it’s fair to put your foot down, and feel good that you are not handing them any opportunities to act on decisions that you don’t support.

May 12, 2012 at 10:39 am
(129) Aarik says:

I’m so tired of that stereotype well lets not try or anything cuz shes probably done it already. Pisses me off. If you don’t trust your daughter to not sleep with her boyfriend wat then have you taught her as a parent? I may be 18 but my parents have been the best role models in the world for me. They may not give me as much freedom as I like but at least they trust me. You shud let her make the decision she shud have enough respect for you and herself to say no or if she is mature enough say yes. I dont have my girlfriend sleeping over at my house cause I know im not ready, and I know wed get tempted to try something. That being said id only advise it if your daughter knows she can say no to her boyfriend.

May 13, 2012 at 7:32 am
(130) joe says:

What is so wrong with spending the night? Honestly, besides having sex which is gonna happen eventually if it already hasn’t I mean all it is being able to sleep next to the one that you love and being able to wake up to them. I don’t see any harm in that

May 13, 2012 at 11:00 pm
(131) Darcy says:

Hahaha! They are probably have sex anyway! As long as she’s not getting any diseases, getting pregnant, or doing it under your roof WHAT ARE YOU TRIPPING ABOUT?

May 16, 2012 at 5:20 am
(132) sss says:

I think most parents should let their kid no matter if its a boy or girl let them do what they want. They can easily have sex where ever they want ethior way so why try to control them. the best thing you can do is hope u raised them right.

May 16, 2012 at 11:56 am
(133) Sue says:

I want to say that I have experienced this with my son who is non nearly 20. At first the girlfriends parents allow it. I did not until he turned 18. I have experienced though that always a sexually experience when the girlfriend spends the night. Sometimes it is about sleeping…..clothes never come off. Also, after careful thought I realized that even if I prevented the sleepover they could have sex in my home while I was at work. Where there is a will there is a way. I have spent many countless hours talking about safe sex and how a baby will change all of the plans they currently have….I still talk about that even if they find it annoying and they of course think they know it all. Trust that you have raised them well.

May 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm
(134) Dave Thomas says:

If they have been dating for 2 years, they are already having sex. Big deal. It’s just as normal and acceptable as breathing or drinking water. Trust her judgement and let her enjoy her boyfriend’s company.

May 22, 2012 at 12:23 am
(135) Claira says:

I think that is very stupid and your being uptight, I am currently 16 and my mother lets me have sleepovers with my boyfriend, we have been together a pretty long time to know the safety’s of sexual activity, my mother actually sat my boyfriend and I down before he slept over the first time and talked about having sex with us and how to be safe, my mother told us its not in her control on when I lose my virginity and that she said its no different then us hanging out we could have sex pretty much at any point, so she didn’t get mad at me but she supports me, put me on birthcontrol buys my condoms so on, and let’s my boyfriend stay over once and awhile, also you don’t want your child doing rebellious things towards you, and out of any mother daughter relationship I have seen my mother is the most supportive, not once have I name called her and never done anything to make her mad because I’m always willing to make her happy, never done drugs. Always told her the truth. And can talk openly about sexual activity. I think you need to loosen up and she is nearly an adult, if any other boys slept over and were not my boyfriend though she would make them sleep in a separate room, so let her go on sleepovers she is practically an adult and you have to think of her as one and support she makes the right decision.

May 22, 2012 at 3:54 pm
(136) Melody says:

Personally I don’t think that letting him sleep over is a big deal. If you trust your daughter and raised her right then I’m sure that she will respect you and do whats best. Im 17 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We’ve been together now for 16 months and we’ve never had sex before. I won’t say that it hasn’t come up or been considered but then we both think of the consequences and chances that we’re taking. He occasionally spends the night with me sometimes even for two to three days and my mom is cool with it. Most teenagers with morals of their own will automatically choose to not do just whatever in front, around, or near their parents, but its different with everyone. I feel that in the end its your decision what you allow her to do, but I also think that you shouldn’t underestimate everything that you have instilled into her these past 18 years

May 23, 2012 at 5:33 pm
(137) Summer says:

I find this question funny. I hate how people always assume that “sleepovers” mean that they’re going to have sex. I have had “sleepovers” with my boyfriend before being over the age of 18 and we don’t do that. The whole point of having a sleepover or staying at another’s house when you’re in a relationship is to spend the night in the arms of someone you love. If you don’t trust your son or daughter then don’t let them do it, if you do, then let them be. You can’t assume that they’re having sex all the time, it’s most likely not true.

May 26, 2012 at 3:36 pm
(138) ParentingisNOTeasy says:

They will find a way to still have sex. We have a 23 old son and when he was 18 started having sex. We firmly told him not in our house. He would not ask to stay at girlfriends, but lied. He found girlfriends that had parents that would let him stay at their house and sleep with their daughter. He is now married to one of these girls and they live on their own. He is adored by her family and has become his NEW family. We are shunned because we were to hard, but I guess that is the price you pay so they turn out alright.

May 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm
(139) Ariana says:

I decided to sneak out to my bf house to sleepover.
He ended up not being able to buy a condom but we decided to do it anyways. Worst mistake of my life, i totally regret it. Now im just waiting till the right time to tell my parents and bf that im pregnat.

May 29, 2012 at 6:03 pm
(140) Ariana says:

One night i snuck out to my bf house. He wasen’t able to get a condom because the store clerck refuesed to sell it to him. But we decided to have sex anyways, now im just waiting for the perfect time to tell my parents im pregnat.

May 30, 2012 at 12:38 pm
(141) Dave Muzzy says:

I have read through a lot of the posts and am happy i am not alone with this. My daughter tries to push this boundary constantly which i just am not happy/comfortable with. I have noticed a lot of comments about “well we are having sex anyway so whats the problem ?” Having sex isnt the problem at all as i am very aware my daughter is but there is something totally different about allowing the boyfriend to stay over whether they have sex or not.
There are times i think i am out of touch but surely the best thing for a couple is to strive for their own independence and get their own place where they can create their own rules.

May 31, 2012 at 3:47 am
(142) jenny chris says:

are you kidding, she’s 18, let her have some freedom, i have friend who stay at there boyfriends and they are 16, 17, people who are saying do you want to be a grandma are stupid, you dont need to have sleepovers for you to have sex.
they have been together for a reasonable amount of time so it seems that they are very serious about each other, why not?

June 1, 2012 at 6:14 am
(143) Zoe says:

This is really harsh on your daughter. I’m 16 and I sleep at home with my boyfriend or with my boyfriend at his every single night. She’s 18, she’s an adult. You’ll only push her away. She obviously loves him if she’s been with him that long. You really need to stop controlling her.

June 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm
(144) nate says:

Iv bine with my girlfriend for almost 2 years i sometimes sleep at her house or sleeps over at mine. Aslong as we let the parents know that we are there okay with it. they respect our privacy in home and give it to us aslong as the kids respect the rules given to them. Im 18 and very much inlove with my girl.

The idea that sex is bad/wrong/immoral/etc. Come on! Sex is a wonderful thing. Sex is pleasurable on an emotional, mental, physical and spiritual levelĖthere is nothing wrong with it. Try going past the indoctrination and brainwashing given by religious institutions that want you to believe that something that feels so good on so many different levels is bad/wrong/immoral/etc. No matter what if they have bine together for 2 years they prob already had intercourse and if shes not prego shes practicing safe sex which means shes responsible…no need to be controling and destroying the relationstop with your daughter and let her be a adult.

June 4, 2012 at 7:04 pm
(145) Gabbie says:

I’m a 17 year old and I slept at my boyfriends house once. My aunt freaked out and said something to my mom and when I asked her again she said no. But I think if you’re going out with someone for almost a year or more they should. You should trust your teen and if they are responsible then you should let them, but then again you are the parent so it’s you’re decision. I’m just saying I wouldn’t sleep over my boyfriends house if we were going out for only a few weeks that’s wrong, me and my boyfriend are 17 and we are already talking about marriage, kids, where we are gonna live basically our future together, my boyfriend even called my mom and told her, If you see that they really care about each other you should let them.

June 13, 2012 at 4:27 pm
(146) Owen Morgan says:

The thing with parents is that you never listen or understand us teens. The one thing paretns should remember is that you was a kid once. some of us (like me) are just nervous as hell about kissing, never mind anything else, we havent even hugged yet, some say ‘why are we even going out?’ its just because we’re nervous and aking it slow

June 15, 2012 at 12:15 pm
(147) JLW says:

My son is 18 and I am going thorugh some issues myself regarding letting him grow up. I do believe that in my house I can make the decisions and I wouldn’t want a slumber party with my son’s girlfriend. If they were self sufficient and wanted to get a place of their own well then I couldn’t stop that could I. But he is still living at home as well, I am supporting him in every way. I would say no way.

June 22, 2012 at 4:26 pm
(148) amanda says:

Your daughter is clearly a responsible young woman. She’s actively looking for a job and you say she helps you out around the house a lot. This isn’t some guy she’s picked up off the street, they’ve been together for two whole years. Turning 18 is another age where your teens are going to want to test their limits, because they are legally adults but they don’t know the length of the reigns and where you stand about all of this.

Asserting your authority with “my house, my money, my rules” is just going to result in either A. your daughter going crazy in college because she’s finally free from your insane and irrational power trip (from her perspective, not mine) or B. A young lady who feels like she has no voice in her own house.

You have to discuss this with your daughter. If she wants to have sex or do other intimate things with her boyfriend, she’s going to do them whether you allow her to or not. Wouldn’t it be better to know she’s doing it somewhere safe instead of in a car in a back ally where she could get mugged, raped, or god forbid, killed? You can’t stop her or her boyfriend, but giving her an immediate “no” without a legitimate reason that she can understand (read: NOT “my house, my rules”) is just going to cause rebellion.

The best thing you can do is educate her and make her feel comfortable to come to you if something bad DOES happen.

Now, about her boyfriend openly saying you’re “stupid” for not allowing this. He probably (hopefully) means irrational, and while I don’t necessarily agree with that, the reason he probably thinks so is because you’ve lacked to give your daughter a reason she understands. I would sit them both down and explain why you don’t want them to stay the night together, explain that this doesn’t make you stupid, you are just a concerned parent for the safety of your child.

I hope everything goes well for you and your daughter and her relationship.

July 24, 2012 at 6:51 pm
(149) Patrick TV says:

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August 17, 2012 at 4:11 pm
(150) Jessk says:

Okay so just for clarification I am twenty five and married now and have a beautiful daughter. Now when I was sixteen my mom allowed me to date a guy we both knew. She knew in the beginning he was over the age of eighteen and so talked to both of us about sex. We were both virgins at the time so it was a little disturbing to say the least. I moved a few hours away after sophomore of high school and so my parents allowed him to come and spend the weekend. My mom lost her virginity at a young age so she believed that if we are going to have sex we would find a way. But she talked to us numours times about making sure its right and keeping it safe. She said she felt safer knowing if we were going to continue the relationship we at least stay somewhere we I am safe. Lasted a year and we never had sex. By eighteen you have to realize that while she is still young she is coming into womanhood. So your relationship will have to shift to more friends then a parent with a shaking fist. Talk to your daughter and let her know your feelings and let her know you are open to hers you might be surprised.

August 21, 2012 at 3:41 am
(151) omgbadparents says:

Seriously! No one will ever wonder why we called our grandparents the greatest generation. Its cause as.parents we suck! we ask questions like this… my grandma would have backed handed her daughters for even a notion of disrespect like this in her house. When they woke up i promise you none of them would dared to say anything else of the matter. I say give her a hard smack across the bow. When she comes to tell her she can take anything she bought and stay with her boyfriend. As she leaves remind her whom it is that pays bills. Promptly call the cell phone company cancel the cellnphone contract. Keep YOUR computer and ipods. Keep your car and craigslist it. XFER her insurance. Then hand her a calendar with the due dates and amount of her tuition. Give her a kiss say good luck and say sorry Hun I rule this house not you! She’ll. Be back in 5 weeks. When you anwser the door remember to be kind but remember that she is 18 as she put it!

August 21, 2012 at 3:55 am
(152) badparents says:

I’m sorry everyone here saying they have no problem with a 18 kid living under their roof having sex is none of the parents business would blame everyone else if that same daughter got drunk at his house and died in a car accident!

Here’s your rebuttal: “well its illegal to drink under age.” To which I say “you think just because its illegal they wont find anyway?”

October 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm
(153) Lisa says:

For me as a Parent,it’s not about the Sex so to speak,but the RESPECT! if you say this is ok it just ups the anty,whats next?????

October 12, 2012 at 10:57 am
(154) Seriously? says:

Okay so I have read through all these comments and I have just a few things to say.

1. I have been in a committed long term relationship for two years now. We have been having sex since about five months into the relationship and yet we are still together. I have never had a pregnancy scare. My boyfriend and I were both virgins so STD’S were never an issue however, I still insisted we BOTH get tested before anything happened.

2. My parents raised me to make independent choices and live my life the way I believed to be right. Yes this has been hard with my parents not always agreeing with my choices however, even if they disagreed, they have still supported me and told me they loved me. They raised me to believe that sex is a natural part of a healthy relationship and that it was a serious and important thing – not to be given to just anyone. My boyfriend’s family raised him the same way. He comes from a very Catholic family while I come from a Christian family. I chose to be atheist however.

3. This goes to show that religious beliefs are important in shaping values but when it comes to sex, they shouldn’t be the be all or end all of a relationship. I know many people in their 40 and 50s who divorced their SO because of the terrible sex. Therefore, for a relationship to work, a couple has to be compatible in all areas of the relationship – intellectual, emotional, physical and even spiritual.

4. My boyfriend and I have discussed the possibility of me falling pregnant but we have also discussed how we plan on raising our future children (We are planning on getting married in a few years). So open communication is important.

Read part two please.

October 12, 2012 at 10:59 am
(155) Seriously? says:

Part Two

5. I have discussed with my mother the seriousness of my relationship with my boyfriend. She adores him, my grandparent’s have told me to start organising our wedding and start having grandkids and his family refers to me as his “wife”. So everyone in our family is aware of how serious we are.

6. Now to the important part. Neither of us is allowed to sleep over at the other’s house in the same bed. Some of you may be saying thats a good thing but it has really affected our relationship. Sleeping over and having sex are not mutually inclusive events. We have the options to have sex during the day. I would never have sex in a car or in the forest “just because” as I think it is degrading of the nature of sex. Sex is something to be shared between people who love each other. But being able to fall asleep in his arms, wake up in the morning and kiss him hello is a simple pleasure that most parents fail to appreciate. I honestly would not mind if I could share the couch with my boyfriend in the living room where anyone could walk past at any time because we would be asleep – not having sex.

7. I think that the best plan would be for you to evaluate what your reasons are for not wanting to have the boyfriend over. If you are worried about hearing them have sex then I need to tell you something. It is only a fair punishment because your daughter has most likely heard you having sex before. But if you feel that the boyfriend himself is bad for your daughter, then explain that to her. You can’t just say no. Give a reasonable and logical explanation. Ask her her reasons for having him sleep over. Sit them both down and ask them questions on what would they do should your daughter fall pregnant.

And part three please. I am just really passionate about this topic.

October 12, 2012 at 11:00 am
(156) Seriously? says:

8. My boyfriend stays on the couch whenever he stays at my house and I do the same at his. It is a respect thing. But we have been trying to tell our parents that its also important for them to respect us as a couple. This means respecting our need for privacy and alone time but at the same time allowing us to be a part of the family and help out. My boyfriend helps do a lot of the errands that require driving such as grocery shopping on the weekends so that my mother can concentrate on doing her things at home.

9. Open communication is key. If you use the “my money, my house, my rues” argument, I can guarantee you that she will lose respect for you. If you use the argument “I understand that your need for intimacy with your boyfriend is important however I am concerned about the following: x, y and z” then you will open up honest communication with your daughter and allow her to explain her reasoning better. It is highly disrespectful and condescending to simply tell your legal adult daughter “NO!”. Just as it would be should she yell “NO!” back at you over something like washing the dishes or doing any other chore. Do you approve of the boyfriend or not? That is important. As her mother you have the right to look out for her safety.

10. And just to let you know, I am only 18. So those that say being a teenager means you have no experience and are not mature, I disagree. Then it is the parent’s failure rather than the teenager’s because we behave the way we do due to the actions of our parents not their words.

I really hope this helps you. I am for the sleeping over but only if certain requirements (age, length and seriousness of relationship, maturity level, responsibility, final grades, job, chores etc) are there. In this case it sounds like the boyfriend does not have adequate respect for your role as being a parent and for that, I’d kick his ass to the curb.

Good luck with making a decision.

November 11, 2012 at 11:57 am
(157) stephanie says:

we fixed our 17 year old daughter good! she started wetting the bed due to stess and and some emotional problems.she has a boyfriend and had been pressuring us to let him stay over night a few times.this went on for over a year.after she turned 18,she told us she is an adult now and can do what ever she wants.so we decided to let her have her boyfriend sleep over.for her bedwetting she was wearing a disposable diaper with plastic pants over it every night.the saturday night he came to stay over,i took my daughter into her room and got out a disposable diaper and a pair of the plastic pants and told her she had to put them on now as i was going to bed.i called her boyfriend into her room and told him to watch her getting ready for bed.she was embarrassed as she fastened the diaper on then put the plastic pants on.i asked him if he knew she was a bedwetter and he said no and was surprised.he stayed over night that night ,but slept in our guest room.the daughter was so embarrassed that she never brought the subject of sleeping with him up again!

December 7, 2012 at 9:44 am
(158) Dani says:

I understand it’s a moot point for the original poster, but who knows. Tomorrow someone else with the same problem could view this thread. So il leave my view.

Saying no will not stop her from having sex with him…and. saying yes won’t mean shes going to have sex.

I slept over ast my boyfriend house at 18(and no,i didn’t have my own place) . Even on prom night, the night of l list virginity for most girls who arent starting at their boyfriends house. However, I was 20 before I ever lost my virginity. Shes 18…her choices are hers.

That said, it is your house. You can say he can’t sleep there. But if you try being authoritarian, you will lose her. If you keep making her choose between you and her boyfriend eventually, youre going to lose. And if that happens, you’ll lose her. Oh, if she feels obligated, you might see her once our twice a year, assuming she lives nearby. But youre mother/daughter relationship will be over. For the next 5-10yrs your influence is lower then it’s eve been…but it’s not gone. That’s healthy. Your daughter is am adult and needs to figure out who adult her is. Eventually, if you don’t push her away, shell be ready for your input again. Until them, give advice when asked for our you feel strongly, but do it from grown up to grown up….and no matter what she chooses, be there for her. And rememner, you can make rules for your house (he can’t stay here) but not for her (you can’t stay with him)

believe me, I know. And I’m 26…so guess from who’s side? I went into the military to get away from my mother. The only contact I have with her is so my 5yr old daughter can see her grandmother.and that I can only tolerate because it’s so rare.

January 12, 2013 at 4:56 pm
(159) young woman says:

I’m a 17 year old girl and I think that it is totally OK for her to sleep over. When the parents say they are uncomfortable with their daughter having sex then think about how the teenagers must feel, knowing that their parents are having sex in the room next to theirs. In my view, parents should talk more to their children about safe sex, not try to control their decisions. Like it or not, teenagers still have sex. So the only reasonable thing to do is to make sure they use protection. Be supportive and everything will be OK.

February 4, 2013 at 12:57 am
(160) Chelsea says:

I may sound like every other 18 year old girl here but stop and think about this. I waited till I was an legal adult to have sex out of my own choices. I asked my mother if my boyfriend could stay the night here, guess what she said. YES. she gave me the ok. Iv been raised to be smart about my actions, there is always the with an action is a reaction. But couples dont always revolve around sex. I promise. In fact just last week my boyfriend stayed with me for a WEEK. But it wasn’t for sex. In fact he was there to care for me after my tonsilectomy. He helped me heal, my mother was greatful for someone who cares so much for me to be there for me! My mother even told me and I quote “do not tell me if you have sex, I dont want to know, but if you do just please PLEASE use protection and the knowledge I have given you” my mother raised me to have faith in my self! She respects me because I have always been completly and totally honest with her and boys. And my boyfriend is extremely respectful of her as well which helps. Yes her boy friend is extremely rude, I wouldnt let him over. If he respected me then I would think about it. Try it from my view, dont be so straight edged, its the mondern era.

February 4, 2013 at 1:32 am
(161) Chelsea says:

And to continue my point, for the first couple of months he stayed here, he was in a seperate room. Only just recently has he stayed in the same room as me. Our relationship does not revolve around sex. Its making each other happy. Were not all naughty sneaky kids. My mom has said no to alot to me, but with those no’s I dont sneak off to still do it, I accept it and move on but if I feel strongly about the subject I politly give my opinon and we go from there. My boyfriend even helps clean the house with me in thanks for being accepted by my parents! It really truely depends on the situation. Its your decision but truely think if you know your child enough!

February 4, 2013 at 5:14 pm
(162) Kailyn says:

of course you should! you need to be able to trust your kid. If she is a trustable girl then you need to show her that you think she is. Me being 14, my mom never lets me sleep over and I’m totally trustworthy! so she is just being so unfair. I’m never allowed boys in the house when she isn’t home… it is just ridicules, you should think about how this will affect about how she thinks about you.

February 11, 2013 at 2:13 pm
(163) Mary says:

I just want to put my 2 cents in.
I am 34 and have a daughter that is sixteen. Yes I was a teen that got pregnant. Her father is one of my older brothers friends. My mom and dad had no clue that I was having sex. Jerry would come over to visit my brother and on over night stays we would have sex. I found out my daughter was having sex when se was 15. I put her on BC and basicly opened my house to her boyfriend. I feel that they are going to have sex either way so I wanted to make a safe place for them, and to make sure that I’m not a grand parent to soon. Her boyfriend is truely inlove with her and they have been together for about 2 years. It is not like she is sleeping with 10 different guys a week or something. I just took what happened with me and tried to make changes so that my daughter with not have to go though what I did.

February 25, 2013 at 12:34 am
(164) Kristy says:

Hi, my dad let me start staying the night at my boyfriends when I was 16 and we were having sex but I never got prego thank goodness. Now that am older i really wish that my dad would had stepped up and said No. I was with the guy for 5 years didn’t work out, but if your daughter wants to stay the night with her boyfriend then she need to wait till they are living on there on.

March 5, 2013 at 8:55 pm
(165) Beverly says:

Hi, I’m 21. I have a part time job. I give my parents $100 a month to help out around the house. I know its not alot but on my salary its all I can afford. I’m in college. I have known my boyfriend since the 4th grade. We were friends all the way up until last year when we started dating. We practice safe sex. Both of our mothers know about this. Me and my mother have a very open relationship. She knows everything about me because I tell her everything. The good, the bad, the dark, the ugly, and the freaky. She would rather me have an open relationship with her than go behind her back and lie to her. But even in that I still wouldnt dream of asking her if my boyfriend can spend the night. Even if she’s known him since we were both kids. (Shes scary…lol) But he comes over all the time. He was even here for new years till like 1:30am. She said he can always come over anytime but I still kick him out around 11 on a normal evening. Because im pretty sure that just because she said he can come over that doesnt mean she meant spend the night. And im not trying to ask her anytime soon lol. The last time me and him spent the night under the same roof was 4 months ago. But that was only because he is friends with my best friends brother. I was spending the night with my best friend and he was spending the weekend with her brother. My best friend ended up going to sleep around 1. Me, him, and the brother who is like my brother stayed up till 4 playing Xbox 360 till i started nodding off on his shoulder. Then I got up like a responsible human being and took my ass to the back where my best friend was sleeping and went to bed. I had way too much respect for my best friend, her brother, my boyfriend and my bestfriends parents to sleep in the same room as him.

-Beverly-

March 26, 2013 at 2:52 pm
(166) Katie says:

I am 18 years old and I live with my parents. I am not allowed to stay at my boyfriends house but he is allowed to stay here, of course in a seperate bedroom. However, my ex girlfriend was allowed to sleep in my bed with me. Why is that any different to a boyfriend? Can someone please answer me that.
I can see the reasoning behind why not to let your children stay at their boyfriends or girlfriends house, but they are legally allowed to by law, since the age of 16! Parents need to loosen the leash a little bit. Yes they will most probably have sex, but who is to say they have not already? They are adults, and I think by saying no you are just going to cause a strain on your relationship. School teaches us about safe sex even if you parents don’t. We know the importance of contraception, we know that there will be consequences. We also know that it would be our mistake to make. Let us make it.

April 2, 2013 at 8:43 am
(167) Marisela says:

So.. I was dating this guy for three years. He was a bit older like about 2 years and by the time I turned 18 well let’s just say that he started getting a bit more needy! I went to his house and there was a lot of temptation.. I eventually wanted to stay over! But my parents had no clue still I was even dating! I felt so embarassed to ask or to say I had a boyfriend! One day I planned On lying and saying I was going to stay at my “friends house” but then I decided not to because who knows what would happen if they find out Im lying! Well eventually we broke up and he moved On in two months and well three months later got engaged.. So I’m glad I didn’t spend the night that night.. If he loved me.. he would’ve waited.. if my parents would’ve let me stayed.. I probably wouldn’t have been in college … But probably at home with a baby honestly and in a unhealthy relationship.. Parents are their to shape us and form us.. we want it our way, but like me.. I thank my parents for being a bit strict with me.

April 14, 2013 at 9:38 pm
(168) Stacey says:

I’m bothered by the fact everyone thinks a boy and a girl spending the night means sex. My boyfriend and I have spent the night together without having sex. That doesn’t mean we don’t have it, because we do. We want to spend the night together for the same reason parents do- we love each other, and falling asleep in eachothers arms connects you on a deeper level than anything other than sex can. You’re completely vulnerable to the the other person when you’re asleep, and it’s a beautiful thing that two people can trust each other to keep them safe when they’re that vulnerble.

April 15, 2013 at 12:57 pm
(169) Jane says:

Its not all about sex, its about so much more. I have 2 daughters and they know they can both bring their boyfriends home to spend the night and yes have sex if they want to. I would rather they have sex in a safe and secure environment, in other words home. I do not set limits on the amount of nights per week, their boyfriends are welcome anytime day or night. I would rather keep the lines of communication open with my children, I trust them and can talk openly with them. I want my children to be safe at all times until they are ready to go out into the big wide world.

April 22, 2013 at 10:39 am
(170) Rob Dad says:

my 18 year old daughter wants her boyfriend of two months to stay overnight in her room, she is on the pill. she says my other son who stays sometimes in the univercity holidays with his girl friend of two years, is allowed, and says I’m sexist, but I can’t seem to make her understand that my 16 year old daughter, my 14 year old son, my wife and I simply don’t want a stranger staying in the house , we don’t close any doors, we often walk to the bathroom naked, i don’t like the idea of him useing our towels,apart from the fact that I constantly ask her to tidy her room which is a tip, and every time we try to talk to her (and I meen talk not shout) we are met with groans and moans

May 10, 2013 at 9:40 am
(171) Jane says:

Just a couple of points I would like to respond to…perhaps while the boyfriend was there close some doors and put on a dressing gown when going to the bathroom. As for the towels, wash them after he has used them or give him his own towel. Our children are going to have sex no matter what we say and I for one want my daughters to be safe, and their home is safe…

May 29, 2013 at 11:01 pm
(172) Melissa says:

The daughter should be allowed to do what she wants. She is an adult and should be treated as such. The mother should just flat out ask her why she wants to sleep over and discuss contraceptives! The last few years with a teen can determine your relationship in the future. If you approach with a helpful but understanding and accepting way, they’re more likely to stay around and want you in their lives.
You can’t just assume that they’re going to have sex and from being in a relationship of over two years, it’s very possible. The parents just have to put more trust in their child and how they raised them to know that they will make the correct choices and be aware. Trust is key.

June 7, 2013 at 9:40 am
(173) Kaycee says:

I’m not sure how old this is but I’m 18 & I have a boyfriend of 2years now :) & we are very much so in love with eachother & has talked about marrying eachother after I am 21. I am still living with my mom and we are Christian and go to church every Sunday & some days of the week. I love The Lord & my mom & if she told me she was uncomfortable with me & her future son in law (her words) sleeping in her house as a night cap I wouldn’t do it he has a house. She started letting him stay when I was 17 but NO SEX in the house. I can control my hormones n my mom next door why would I want it with her so close. But I’ve been at his house @ 6am 3pm 5pm & have had sex we aren’t insecure about our body so daylight sex was fine but then I decided to become pure again & basically no matter what you say we make our own decisions maybe she should move with him then how would you feel? My boyfriend is always opening his door to me. Just teach her safe sex .

June 7, 2013 at 11:04 am
(174) Amy says:

For all of you who say “If she does she can move out” what happens when your financially dependent 18 year old has signed a lease and is ready to move? People don’t understand expenses until they are out on there own, and no mater what you say will change that. So now not only is she sleeping over with him every night, she is also poor and has a horrible relationship with her parents.

If they have been together 2 years even the most moral kids are going to at least think about having sex in the near future if they haven’t already. All you can do is educate them and say no to it in your home, although if your room is near by and there are no younger sibilings I think 18 is when you should start to think about allowing sleepovers.

I’ll be 20 in a week and my boyfriend and I will have been together for 5 years by the end of the month. Their is no easy solution to this. I’m stuck in the middle right now- paying rent to an apartment I don’t live in and lying about where I go on the weekends to my parents, just to retain a remotly decent relationship with my parents.

My boyfriend and I didn’t have sex for the first 3 years, meaning I would have been 18 when we started to. We have always done so safely, I have a friend who is a teen mom so we know what that is like and that we aren’t ready. We also know however that waiting for marriage is impractical. So as not to be in debt from school, the wedding etc. we don’t plan on getting married until we are 27 ish. We will have been together for 12 years at that point, you really think we are going to have a lasting relationship for 12 years and not?

I’m not really sure what the best answer is. Just make sure your kid knows you can talk about things without getting upset.

June 9, 2013 at 12:20 am
(175) Ash says:

Ohh my lord you do What ever you kid says looks lik you need to lay down some boundaries. It is your house not hers just cause she’s 18 dosent mean she is not young. She still is a little girl and dosent knows what she wants.

June 12, 2013 at 10:36 pm
(176) Christine says:

I don’t think it is a good idea to let your daughter sleep with her boyfriend, because her boyfriend will have no respect for her when she marry him. She has to wait after marriage to sleep together, i’m also 18 years old and i’m college my mom would never let me sleep with him without marrige first because it is completly wrong to sleep with a boy without marriage first.
You are her mom, it is your job to tell your daughter to do best in her life. If she does not want to listen to you, then let her sleep with him she will regrets it when she get pregnant.

June 16, 2013 at 4:01 pm
(177) Jocelyn Johnson says:

Parents are different as are their 18 year olds. I agree with the “my house…my rules” ideology. Nothing changes because they are 18 except for their chronologically-challenged delusions. They seem to think that adulthood is predicated on turning 18. Adulthood is a “process,” not a number. Teach them accountability!! This translates to: if you want to play house with the bf…then by all means “experience” it to the fullest. Do it on your own turf, pay the bills and contend with everything necessary to be an adult. Any guy that takes advantage of “sleeping over” does not respect you or your daughter. DO NOT LET THEM BEND YOUR RULES. Stick to it because if you don’t you are merely enabling “spoiled” behavior. I am between a rock and a hard place right now because I have a very strong-willed 18 year old daughter who is foregoing her studies and future because she wants to “play house” with an emotionally manipulative BOY (notice how I didn’t say man?). Arguing with her simply fuels the fire for her obstinate attitude. Hard as it is, she will have to work through this struggle because I will not play into her “I’m an adult now bs.” So be it. She needs to go out there and discover how hard life is and what a manipulative loser this guy is. The hardest thing to do as a parent is to watch your kid fall. Find solace in knowing that you raised her with a backbone, decency and a drive to do something of service. Be stern, but loving….”you do what must, but know that you have a home here and support should you decide to go back to your studies.”

June 18, 2013 at 12:18 pm
(178) louise says:

i am 15 and i my boyfriend stayed with me on the weekends all the time. my dad wanted to see what i would do and he seen i was even responsible when my boyfriend was there. no matter what you should give it a chance. dont let other people tell you horrible things. Thats a part of life. you have to let your child try things

June 24, 2013 at 1:32 am
(179) Alondra says:

Hi I’m 17 & I don’t believe it’s right. Let me make this simple, if she feels she’s old enough to do whatever she wants then guess what? She’s old enough to find a place of her own & not depend on her parents. Otherwise, your house, your money, she’s under your roof still & has to listen to you, if she doesn’t agree, she can go find her own place where she can do what she wants. Sorry that’s my opinion.

July 1, 2013 at 9:45 pm
(180) The Human Experience says:

She’s 18, and technically there’s nothing legally you can do. If you keep oppressing her, it’s just going to make her resent you in later years to come.

July 2, 2013 at 9:50 am
(181) Lee says:

Let me state this, I first had sex when I was 14 years old. I had a strict curfew of 10:30 pm every night. Was not allowed to sleep over anyone’s house without the approval of my parents (by calling their parents) and never slept over a boys house. My mother at the time had not spoken to me about protection, but I took it Into my own hands. I use condoms everytime I have sex, and used birth control as well. I have been sexually active for 4 years and NEVER been pregnant. Let me tell you, that all those restrictions only helped for me to resent my parents instead of respect them. I am now 18, and have been with my boyfriend for two years. We both go to the same Uni, 8 hours away from home, and at college, yes we do sleep together. But let me ask the adults something, do YOU have sex all night just because you’re sleeping in the same bed with the person you love? Because if that’s all you think teenagers are doing you have another thing coming. We just enjoy each others company, and love making late night snacks together, playing video games and watching movies. And trust me, I’m sure as parents you’d prefer this over your kids being so far away from home, and getting drunk to the point of passing out, or getting high all the time. So please don’t be ignorant or push your kids away. If you raised them right, they will make the right decision. If you’re freaking out, that means you don’t trust your own parenting skills.

BUT, in the case with the girl and boyfriend in this article, I would have to say no. Why? Because the boyfriend disrespected the family by calling the family’s decision stupid. And that’s the only reason why in this particular case I’m saying no. they should not have sleepovers

July 3, 2013 at 1:33 am
(182) Dan says:

Hey as a 18 year old boy I would just like to say that I would never have sex with my girlfriend while either of our family members were in the house. It would just be weird thinking that my/her parents were three rooms away.

July 6, 2013 at 3:26 pm
(183) Experienced says:

Mom you know what you want to teach your daughter. Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean its ok. I have a 17, soon to be 18, year old daughter who will NEVER sleep with her boyfriend (who I adore) in my house until she is married. NO! She will never get my blessing to have sex with him before marriage. I am a counselor at a pregnancy crisis center and this goes WAAAAAYYYYY beyond any religious values. Sex prior to the commitment of marriage causes so many painful issues. STDs and unwanted/unplanned pregnancies are just the tip of a crumbling iceberg. The emotional damage done to particularly young men and women are never discussed. Betrayal and abandonment are a common problem for people who give themselves to someone who is not worthy of that gift. This should only be given to your spouse on your wedding night. Studies have shown that the bonding that takes place puts these couples at an advantage when striving for a strong and successful marriage. Please, do not ever let your teenagers think it is ok to have sex with whomever they wish. Unplanned pregnancy effects everyone in this country. Just look and see where your tax dollars are going. Children need a mother and a father to thrive. Do your homework and look up statics for fatherless children.

July 12, 2013 at 8:57 am
(184) meslia says:

I am 19 and started spending the nights as soon as I turned 18. I lived with my mom but she was never home and still wanted me to be there. she didnt agree at first and just told me (and still is) to not get pregnant. she told me she wanted to go live with her bf nd told me to move out and had no other choice but my bf so i guess is not a prob anymore. i have no car since i been brought to this country illegal at age 2 and no college for money. if she is not paying rent then she must follow your rules . it is your roof

July 15, 2013 at 3:19 am
(185) nate says:

Ok, look, I’m 20, my girlfriend is 19, her father respects me alot, now, we are prepared to ask , well, SHE, is prepared to ask his permission to be able to stay the night places together, like the beach an places like that, I think she is smart enough to know the consequences of her actions, same for me, and I think we are mature enough, we both work, but we both live in our parents homes still, we want to see the world an do things, to build our relationship, DO YOU THINK IT IS IN HER DADS PLACE TO SAY NO, SHE CANT DO THOSE THINGS WITH YOU? I MEAN SHES 19 , I THINK ITS PRETTY REDICULOUS that dads have control over there 20 or 19 year old daughters, where is the trust? I’ve been around long enough to earn that kind of trust, so should dads have control over there 19 to 20 year old daughters?????!!!

July 15, 2013 at 3:27 am
(186) Nayy Salazar says:

I wanna spend the night with my girlfriend at the beach an stuff, an go see the world, we are young so we want to do a lot of things, I’m 20 she’s 19, the only thinhg holding us back is her father. He won’t allow us to stay the night anywhere together, is that right? Shouldn’t he trust her more?

July 28, 2013 at 2:31 am
(187) Mariaaxoxo says:

I believe it is disrespectful to have your boyfriend sleepover your parents house, I feel like when you live with your parents you need to have respect for them and their rules especially if you have younger siblings! I am 19 years old and was raised by a single mother, she has always been really strict and makes clear what the rules in the house are, for example I have a boyfriend, we’ve been together for a year now and she lets him come over whenever, as long as were not in my room, he goes out with me & my family, but isn’t allowed to sleepover. she always says that if i don’t agree with her rules theres the door! I think her rules are fair enough…the point is there’s nothing wrong in having sleepovers it’s normal but when it comes to living with your parents there needs to be respect, I know my mom wouldn’t like the idea of me sleeping with my bf in my room & my siblings sleeping next door it just doesn’t look right or sets a good example for them, i just know that everything happens at its time !

August 1, 2013 at 6:35 am
(188) Esm says:

I think the issue here that many are not addressing is that she is 18 now. Technically she has the right to do do what she wants. But, having ‘sleepovers’ with her bf in her parents house should not be allowed. There are several reason that doing that is so wrong, but mainly out of respect and appropriateness she should not. I am a teenager myself so I can relate, but having the boyfriend over for a night is very inappropriate. I wouldn’t dare ask my parents. If she wanted to move out of the house, since she is 18, overnighters would not be a problem, of course they’d probably be living together. But until she chooses to start living her own life with her own rules, it isn’t appropriate.

August 18, 2013 at 1:07 am
(189) Maria says:

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t deal with or even acknowledge a boyfriend of my daughter’s who flat out called my decisions stupid. That’s rude and it’s not something you should have to listen to from your daughter’s boyfriend. If he were to respect your decision and try to reasonably reason with you and your husband, I’d give him the time of day, but without the respect, I’d make it a no.

September 5, 2013 at 3:54 pm
(190) Amy says:

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September 18, 2013 at 4:42 am
(191) Liz says:

Ok everybody listen here!! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years…and we have been sleeping together for 2 years…. And we are 17/20. 15-17 when we got together…I am not pregnant …never have been. And now were living together!

September 24, 2013 at 2:53 am
(192) Courtney says:

Im a 13 year old girl and I think, what’s wrong with them having sleepovers? I have them with my bf now. Just warn them not to do anything like that under your roof. Let their relationship breathe and give her space and let her decide if she’s going to obey them or not

October 7, 2013 at 2:49 pm
(193) Jade says:

She is an ADULT. If you don’t agree with her and her boyfriend having sex in your home, then what makes it okay for YOU to have sex in the room next door ? You’re both adults, sex is natural & normal, why have we got to make it sound like a crime? Please, your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, let her mature & be the adult she is.

December 30, 2013 at 10:33 am
(194) AnotherAnnie says:

No, your totally dependent daughter should not have permission to sleep over her boyfriend’s house, and it has nothing to do with them having sex. First off, your daughter and her boyfriend are both immature twits. They are probably having lots of sex and feeling real grown up about it, but that doesn’t mean you have to condone it.

Secondly, for me, it is more about respect for you and your rules. I can’t imagine any guy I dated ever telling my parents they were stupid. My father would kick him out on his a$$! And I’d probably have been forbidden from seeing the jerk again.

Now, I worked, paid rent (from age 13), AND was subject to parental rules, including curfew! After I graduated from university and got my first FULL-TIME job, I didn’t have restrictions any more. My parents basically asked me to let them know when I was coming or going. I would never have asked to have a guy spend the night, but if I planned to stay over somewhere, I’d just tell them I wasn’t coming home, and it was no big deal. Of course, by then, I was an adult.

Finally, I moved out on my own, got my own apartment, and got on with my life around age 26. Then, my boyfriend could come spend the night – never at my parents home.

At 27, I got engaged and married. We were going to live several states away. He’d already moved there a few months before. 2 weeks before the wedding, he came to pack my apartment and drive the U-Haul. After a whole day packing, we decided to spend the night at my parents’ house and get an early start the next day. First time I ever asked my parents if he could spend the night – with me, in my room. They hated the idea, and even then they thought it was disrespectful.

January 4, 2014 at 9:43 am
(195) Meg says:

Let me break it down to you, number one YOU are the parent, period. Your house YOUR rules-done! And unless you want to play a part in delaying or possibly screwing up her future of her having missed opportunities because she ends up pregnant go right ahead. You are the adult/parent if she asks tell her no and that is your final answer your not going to change your mind no matter how much she asks, and walk away no point in giving her what she wants by arguing! And where the boyfriends opinion comes in, who cares what he thinks he should be worried about what’s best for her and his future Instead of trying to get you to give him a place to have sex with your daughter! Ridiculous! I was stupid and got pregnant at 16 had my daughter at 17, don’t get me wrong I love her!! But i know I missed out on plenty of opportunities and now that she is 17 I watch her like a hawk and educate her on important decisions and how she should look at all the opportunities sitting right in front of her! Take back your spot as the mother! I call it the alpha spot!

January 17, 2014 at 7:50 am
(196) Layla says:

If I was you let her go its love its gonna happen one way or another tell her what your comfortable of and she has sex so what she might think that she wants to get pregnant trust me she will learn I went through the same thing at 16 I got pregnant and I’m fine let her go she will live just let go

January 28, 2014 at 11:58 am
(197) Amanda says:

I think that you should allow your daughter to, she’s going to college in the fall and who is to say she wouldn’t be having sex or any of your other concerns while she is there. Saying no isn’t going to keep her from having sex with her boyfriend, you need to talk to her about all the negative effects about having sex at such a young age, legally she is an adult and can go to his house. Just because she is at his house doesn’t mean she is going to have sex with him. Just talk to both of them as to why you are uncomfortable with it, maybe suggest that he spend the night at your house first so you can keep an eye on what is going on and then maybe take baby steps.

February 4, 2014 at 11:49 pm
(198) Ashley says:

Okay so I never ever leave comments on these things but I decided this was one that I felt strong enough I should voice what I feel. Remind you this is just MY opinion. I do agree that it was not right of him to call her parents stupid. That as wrong and I would be saying something about respect. With that being said…. she is going to do what she wants to whether you like it or not. Trust me I have been there. If he isn’t staying at your house then she is lying about where she is to be with him at his. You do not have to allow him to stay at your house but you cannot stop her from doing what she is going to with him. The best thing you can do is talk to her. Not yell TALK. Talk to her and make sure she knows the consequences of what she is doing ( or what you think she is doing) Just because you think she is being stupid and irresponsible does not mean she actually is. Have a little confidence in her to make the right decisions. Remember you raised her.

February 23, 2014 at 12:12 am
(199) Aaron says:

Yeah… I sleep over my girlfriend’s house and she sleeps over at my house. My family and her family had a talk over dinner and our family’s came to an agreement… I wouldn’t be surprised if that happens to you.

February 26, 2014 at 7:53 pm
(200) Anonymous says:

I think many of you are missing a small detail that means a lot. The post didn’t specify whether the daughter was staying at her boyfriends or having him stay at her mothers house. Now if she is staying at her boyfriends, what are the objections to an 18 year old doing this?

March 17, 2014 at 2:00 am
(201) Alexandria says:

I’m 18 and my boyfriend is17. We have been together alittle over a year now and me and him have had 3 sleepovers ( one at his house and 2 at mine) ,all of which I would like to point out we did not have sex, eventhough yes ne have before. Due out of respect you should listen to ur parents wishes. If ther are not ok with it then it is NOT ok.

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