Have you ever had a date that was so fantastic, so perfect, that you were on cloud nine for days (or even weeks) on end - just to have the other participant disappear? I know I have, and I've heard more than a few folks of late both asking for dating advice and posting in the dating forums about this very topic. I find the disappearing date phenomena seems to come in waves, in that I get a lot of questions about the topic around the same time every year.
Its not an easy question to answer either, i.e. "Why didn't he call me back?" or some variation thereof. There are so many variables to the question - how long have you been dating, did anything weird happen on your date, do you know if there is any behavioral history along these lines, have you been intimate - that there is no one-answer-fits all. But what I can say is this: there is always a reason why someone doesn't call back after a great date, and it likely has little to do with you.
Rachel Greenwald has written an excellent book the topic called, "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date." The book isn't just for women trying to understand why her date disappeared though, as there is a chapter that outlines women's top five dating deal breakers too. But the meat of the book discusses the main reasons why a guy won't call you back - even if things seemed amazing during the date - and how to prevent the same thing happening over and over again to you. Are the pointers surprising? Definitely. Will some women find the comments shared by some of the men quoted in the book abrasive? Without question. But if you've struggled with disappearing date syndrome in your life of late, its a book I highly recommend.
I should note however that I did read some of the chapter headings to a male friend of mine, who promptly said, "That's common sense for any guy. Trust me." So, if you can't get a copy of the book for whatever reason, ask your male friends about their biggest turn offs on a date, and why they wouldn't call a guy back.
But what about you? Have you ever not called someone back after a seemingly good date? Why? Or if you've been the one waiting for the call back that never came to be, how did you deal with it?
Good advice. Not having a guy call you back is the worst feeling. I think it is hard sometimes to tell a person face to face that you are not interested so you just act like everything is going well. Then you just never call the person back.
Just to break up a little this “why didn’t HE call back” myth: I am a man and it also happened to me, twice. First one I found out she was engaged with a man. Ok, it’s not excusable while she cheated on him and messed with my feelings but at least I have the reason.
As for the second one, I still have no clue WHY?!
I believe most reasons come from the fact something like meeting someone or realizing “hey, he is not the one, I do not enjoy his presence anymore” has happened. However, I find these practices rude and senseless, and I, as a guy, would at least try to contact her and tell her: “hello, you know, it doesn’t work, sorry bla bla” rather than just somehow vanishing…
So here’s my thoughts on why a guy does not call after he asks for your number (based on feedback from a number of single males in the dating game). Often, when guys ask you for your number, at that precise moment he intends to use it. After that moment has literally passed, a new game comes into play. The next morning he will mull over it, questioning whether he had his beer goggles on? How well he connected with you – does he see any long term potential, or is it best left as a night of fun? Is he ready to, or can he even be bothered to, have a relationship? And the list could go on. But in a nutshell, if he hasn’t called you within 72 hours, he’s just not interested in pursuing things. It doesn’t matter how busy a guy is, if he genuinely likes you, he will find the time to contact you.
The reason behind one not calling back may be he is in search of someone better than you. Probably,what was a great date for you was not exactly so for him………forget it gal, why waste time on some insensible guy?
Guys and girls sometimes change their minds or are distracted with their own lives to continue dating someone. It’d be nice if they all let us know, but more often they’d rather let it drift away.
I’ve blogged about this topic. All I know is that it’s frustrating and guys more often than not do it.
It might just be that you are not what I hoped for, and I don’t want to tell it to your face. What kind of pain would you prefer? The pain of knowing that some aspect of you is unattractive, or the pain of thinking the guy you dated is a jerk?
Girls disappear as well after a few good dates. The woman I am (I was?) dating is doing exactly the same, and it really hurts. Sorry girls, these things happen unfortunately.