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Bonny Albo

How Monogamous Are You?

By May 23, 2012

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Just how monogamous are we, really? The results of my very non-scientific poll surprise me already, as they aren't as high as some recent studies have shown. The poll hosted below shows much a much higher incidence of cheating than the studies quoted in, "Lust in Translation," a book that discusses how infidelity differs both in definition and deed around the world.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on cheating, monogamy, and dating relationships while I muddle through the statistics on my own, to provide some real science you can use in your day-to-day search for love. Feel free to add your own views to the mix below, or just add your vote.

June 17, 2008 at 1:46 am
(1) Sherry@sherrylove.net says:

To me, the answer to this question depends on what part of life I was in. Let me go through it in descending order:

Now, I have a happy family with 2 wonderful daughters. I believe I am VERY monogamous at this stage. I must be insane to throw what I have established for the last 25 years away just for some guys on the street.

When my marriage is a bit rocky, I do think about other options. But the thought was just a by-product of my anger and frustration. So I think at this stage, I am PRETTY monogamous.

Before I got married, I was young and quite ambitious. I like to consider my options. So at this stage, I am NOT QUITE monogamous.

When I was young and used to daydream, I thought every guy I met was perfect. So sum up, I was NOT monogamous at all.

May 23, 2012 at 5:34 am
(2) Grace@RomanceNeverDies.com says:

I’m with Sherry. Family is too important at this stage and what I have with my hubby would never be worth jeopardizing. That said I would say I fall into the second category although to say I “occassionally lust after others” would be wide of the mark. I may turn my head if I see someone particularly handsome but it’s never more than that as even internally I’m only thinking “handsome guy” and never “wow I wish I could tear his clothes off.” That sort of thing just doesn’t interest me.

So I guess I fit in that category if that part of the question was changed to “occassionally observational of other people.”

I was once in a doomed relationship but even then I only made it to number 3 and never even thought of 4 or 5. I just don’t see the point of being in a relationship if you’re always that close to not being!

Great post Bonnie. It’s getting a tweet from me.

May 24, 2012 at 1:06 pm
(3) Michael Patrick says:

Cheating, cheaters and whey we cheat.

As a rule of thumb, about 10 to 12% of people are going to be unfaithful and should have never entered to marriage pool. For the rest of the normal people, 50% of them will cheat at one time in the marrage. A study examining a medical condition in Canada found that while examining the DNA 20% or one in 5 women had a father different than the one listed on the birth cert.

The US is having affairs at an alarming rate with likely 50% of people will cheat at some time in the marriage.

Michael Patrick, Dating and

May 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm
(4) Marc says:

This survey doesn’t leave much room for people that are ethically non-monogamous, or as Dan Savage refers to it as monagamish. Also, doesn’t distinguish bwteen sex outside of a marriage with consent (honesty, open/swinger/poly/etc.) and and without (lying cheater).

I am in a relationship, do not cheat, and occasionally have sex with others with my wife. So not quite monogamous, but mostly so, and unable to select one of the available options.

May 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm
(5) dating says:

I agree Marc. There’s a lot of leeway when it comes to non-traditional monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, or consensual non-monogamy. The poll was created before my time with About.com and I wasn’t able to edit the options, but I’ll make a point of adding another voting element to future polls to take this into consideration. A fairly large number of readers here fall into the poly and/or swinging communities (if my email is any indication) and I’m definitely remiss by not including them, and in turn, yourself. I apologize for my oversight.

May 31, 2012 at 11:42 am
(6) JJ says:

Being monogamous is like being pregnant; you can’t be “mostly” or “a little bit”. You either are or you aren’t.

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