In a droopy economy with more cohabitating couples living together than married folk, it doesn't surprise me that a lot of us continue to live with our ex's (or live with our ex's, again) after breaking up. I recently heard of one couple that were married for more than a decade, had kids together, and broke up when the gent announced he's gay. I'm not sure the announcement came as a surprise, but the guy moved out onto another building on the same property, and the former couple now co-parent their children openly and lovingly.
So imagine my surprise when I heard about TV show with a very similar premise. Happily Divorced stars Fran Drescher (of The Nanny fame) as the ex-wife of a now openly gay man, who starts dating again while still living under the same roof as her ex.
I can see the potential humor in the situation, but also the potential blow ups, miscommunication and frustrations. If anything, I would think that living with an ex would be more challenging (by far!) than living together as a couple. But you tell me: have you ever lived with an ex? What prompted the situation? Was it a positive experience for you, and would you recommend it to other former couples?
Related: Are You Ready To Live Together?, Coming Out While Married, Dating After Divorce, Trailer for Happily Divorced.
Ugh! Living with your ex is probably one of the WORST things you can do, but given the financial stability of many couples today, this is probably happening more and more.
In 2008, when I broke up with my ex, we decided to live with each other out of necessity rather than go our separate ways. With the exception of a three day span where they spent the night with the person they cheated with (hence the breakup!) to give me “time to cool off” (GRRRR!), we lived in the same home for another year so we didn’t break the lease.
The problem with this is that seeing your ex day in and day out, sharing many of the same rooms together (and sometimes, the same bed), you don’t seem to get over them very quickly.
In fact, since moving out at the end of 2009, I have finally just now gotten over it. Living with an ex strikes me as a terrible idea, but if it has to happen because of finances, get a separate room and at least a new hobby!!!
And never ever ever hook up with your ex like I did (and it happened more often than I would like to admit), even if it is easy and it is all RIGHT THERE, just don’t do it. I promise, it only makes things worse.
That’s not a good thing to so.
I could barely believe my eyes when I read your article. I’m currently living in that situation! A couple of years ago I came out to my wife of over 20 years. Not too long afterwards, i met someone very special. My wife and “my new someone” met a few months later and guess what? Their first meeting was like they were comfortable old friends. With hugs and pictures all around. A year later, my wife and i sat our 2 teenaged kids down and told them about me, and her acceptance of “him”. Their reaction was phenomenal! So much so that they wanted vacations with the 5 of us, we’ve had dinners together, parties, celebrated birthdays and holidays.
I maintain my home with my kids and my ex(although were still legally married), “he” maintains his. We all visit back and forth and so far it’s been great. My kids have told a few of their close friends and the reaction has been wonderfully positive.
Due to this economy, many are being forced to rethink their views on family. We’ve shared our story with a few friends and are supported by most. My wife and I are happier than we’ve been in years. By staying together we’ve learned to share more, continue to raise healthy accepting children and have have a near built in “sitter” (who’s very good-looking -says she) to watch the kids when we are in late from work.
Amazingly I am the new relationship, and my partner’s ex still resides in the home. Intially I understood that financially neither could live seperately; however it has been four years now and her ex continues to be unemployed. Whatever money he was living off of dried up many years ago, and he is not looking for employment. Nor does he seem interested in living apart from her, in fact he seems to have made himself part of her family. She does not seem concerned about him still residing in the home…I reside there too, but more and more I find myself annoyed with his presence. I do not want to continue financially taking care of a grown man and I feel the situation is not fair to me. I understood that because they lived together for a little over a year before we were together, and they were allegedly not seeing each other but he was paying the bills she felt that she should help him. But now it just seems as if he is never leaving and when I talk about us moving out, she sort of just makes excuses. I love her but I don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to deal with this situation.