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Bonny Albo

First Date Sex

By August 13, 2012

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I was more than a bit surprised in 2007 when a study came across my desk saying that 30% of women who'd met men face-to-face on an online dating site had first date sex. (See: New Study Shows Women Less Cautious), especially since another study released about a month earlier showed only 25% of all US respondents had had sex with anyone they'd met online - first date or otherwise.

So it is with great interest that I share with you the results of a poll undertaken by YouGov on behalf of Craigslist about UK singles' views on first date sex. In a nutshell, every single age group polled stated they'd rather end a first date with a cup of tea.

Over five hundred Brits were asked, "If I like someone on a first date, I would rather end the date with a nice cup of tea, coffee or other warm drink than by spending the night with them." 62% either definitely or strongly agreed. Jim Buckmaster, CEO of Craiglist said:

"The findings suggest that Boy George understood human psychology better than Sigmund Freud,"

...which refers to the 80s lyrics, "I'd rather have a cup of tea than go to bed with someone" in contrast with the psychoanalysts' belief that sex was our primary motivator.

But I'm curious. What do you think? Would you rather share a cup of tea than sex on a first date?

August 12, 2008 at 9:15 pm
(1) salina says:

I recently met and started a wonderful relationship with a man that I met online and we did have sex on the first date. I was never one to have sex on the first date and would not recommended it, I just would say go with what your heart tells you and what the mood dictates. It has always been my beleif having sex on the first date will undoubtedly lead into a sexual relationship and not one worth holding onto, but I am being proved wrong on this one. I would love too and always ended a first date with a cup of something hot like tea or chocolate (not saying you can’t have that after sex.) However I found men that I have not met online and skipped that first date roll no matter how much I liked them or how long they waited was certainly disappointing in the relationship area. Sex is what you make of it, I find myself head over heels in love with a man I met online and had sex with on the first date, the best all around relationship I have ever had. I thought that sex in our world is too over emphasized and more should be emphasized on the making love part of it. I had sex twice on the first date, one with a man I knew prior and he turned into a loser who only came by when he wanted sex, and then with the man I am with now who could not be more attentive and caring. The first man; I wanted a relationship with, the second just fell into the moment. Don’t over analyze everythng you do cause when you fall out of the normal you find just what you want.

August 12, 2008 at 10:20 pm
(2) fluidly unsure says:

I am looking for friendship that might go further … maybe. My main venue is “strictly platonic” at Craig’s List. However, I know I am human and that the moment may dictate my next action. Sometimes it is hard to take the high grounds while being honest and observant at the same time.

August 12, 2008 at 10:47 pm
(3) fluidly unsure says:

Sometimes it works-out that way. But I’ve heard too many stories that go in the opposite direction. Even though I am a man, I am going to continue to be cautious and dream of stories like yours but expect the one that would be better filed with A. Hitchcock.

August 25, 2008 at 8:03 pm
(4) salina says:

Yes, I’m still seeing Mr. Wonderful and he reminded me that even as strong of a sexual conection the two of us have our friendship is what keeps us going… it’s him and I against the world. I am thirty-nine years old and have searched my whole life for the relationship I have now I thought myself even as fliritaious as I am to be a bit of a prude. First date sex is not for everybody and beleive me I still do not recomend it even though it is still working out great for us though we both feel everything moved too fast. I have no regrets in how this relationship started, it’s the best relationship I ever had and now I just hope my other idiotic tamtrums don’t interfer with it. It helps that we both are very highly sexual people… lol. But seriously the sex is not what rules us there are so many other things we have in common and can enjoy our time doing. We can spend hours just enjoying eachothers company where as with others where the relationship did not start that way it seemed it was the only thing we did when we were together and the phone was the only place we could really talk. I once was told by a man that if he had sex on the first date with someone he would wonder who else she did it with and then I was told by another man that it would have made him feel special so to each his own. I’ve felt used by those I trusted and knew well before sex entered into the relationship and yet in this relationship I feel desired and wanted way pass the sex. We take what we want and make it into what we need and find it’s not what we should have, however if we step out of the box and out of our comfort zone we find HAPPINESS. Sometimes we must let go of our moral high ground and take a good look at reality to find what we are really looking for… and that is when we find it in the unlikiest places.

September 23, 2008 at 12:17 am
(5) KevinV says:

I personally think that you don’t have to have sex at the end of a first date…I mean you can have it at the beginning. :]

June 24, 2010 at 10:07 pm
(6) Lucy says:

Yes, thanks everyone, for sharing your lovely stories… -_-;

I for one would rather go for that cup of tea on the first date. But that’s just me.

August 22, 2012 at 10:01 am
(7) Sunny says:

Call me old fashioned you may, but I would rather have a relationship to blossom first. I would rather share a cup of tea on first date.

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