Tina asks: "A guy I've been dating has just told me he loves me (3 days ago). Today I get a call asking if I know about computers. I called back and said no, not really. He tells me his computer is not working, someone in has "hacked" it and I was the only person in the house! I told him I would never do that. He won't believe me."
Thanks for your dating question Tina. It's simple but a good one, because it covers how much you can trust someone early on in a relationship - a concern that comes up often with readers just like you.
First, some basic information. A person does not need to be in your house to hack a computer. It's much more common for hackers to target folks through the internet, and that's not even touching upon the rampant viruses, trojans and other nasties one can attract just by surfing the web or clicking on a link. Accusing you of hacking seems odd, and tells me that your partner doesn't know a lot about how these sorts of things work. About.com's Guide to the Net for Beginners has a huge category devoted to such information and discussions: Viruses, Spyware, Hacking, Scams and Identity Theft and an excellent article on the topic called, "Help! I Think I've Been Hacked!"
Now, you can't change your partner's behavior or how he reacts to his computer falling prey to a hacker. If he doesn't believe you, there isn't much you can do to convince him.
It's time for you to review your relationship. Just because the man said he loves you doesn't mean that he trusts you (unfortunately) - and his actions are saying either he doesn't trust you, is paranoid, or both. A loving partner might get upset considering the circumstances, and they may even get mad at you and accuse you - but love means listening to your partner and hearing what they are saying. Most reasonable folks, after calming down a bit, would realize their accusation unwarranted and apologize. From the sounds of it your partner isn't.
You need to ask yourself some difficult questions now, ones that involve how you feel and what you want. Do you want to be with someone who automatically assumes you want to do harm to him? Can you continue a relationship with a person that doesn't trust or believe you? If he doesn't trust you now - three days after professing his love for you - when will he? Can he? Is this trust issue really about you, or are the walls finally coming down and his true self shining through?
I can't answer these questions for you because I don't have enough information - but you must. Convincing your partner that you're trustworthy isn't the answer here, but rather focusing on yourself and your needs, and whether or not your guy is the guy to provide them.
What say you dear readers? What would you do in this situation? Do you have a suggestion for Tina?