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Bonny Albo

When Do You Take Down Your Online Dating Profiles?

By November 8, 2012

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Roy S. Gutterman wrote a great (although somewhat unrelated) article a few years ago at the Jewish Exponent, discussing what he felt to be a "bogus" online dating profile. It seems a newspaper wedding announcement struck him as odd for a couple of days,

"...until I went on to JDate, and saw the same photo for the 30-something woman whose impending nuptials were just announced in the paper. It seemed peculiar that she was maintaining an active profile on the online dating site. In fact, she had just logged on within the past few days."

Which led me to question: when do people remove (or hide) their online dating profiles after starting a relationship with someone new?

Do you have an expectation as to when someone you are dating removes their online dating profiles? Does it even matter to you?

Related: 20 Questions To Ask Your Date About Communication, When Not to Date, Couples Communication Skills Quiz

Comments
November 4, 2007 at 11:46 pm
(1) online dater says:

I know that I think about this often and if I have had what I qualify as a great date, it is potentially damaging to the relationship and to my self esteem to discover the other person online and checking the profiles daily. I find men can be very touchy when suggesting that we mutally take down our profiles while seeing if we have a chance to learn about each other. I think if you have been dating for say a month that both should mutually agree to take down their profiles.

November 9, 2007 at 5:23 am
(2) Mike says:

I think that leaving your profile up while your in a relationship shows that you have one foot out of the door, and can prevent a relationship frow growing fully. Your still advertizing yourself as single!

November 10, 2007 at 10:19 pm
(3) Kate says:

It’s definately a touchy subject. Inevitably, one or the other is spying to see if the other has been “active” online. It can be frustrating and painful to see an imbalance in online activity. Generally speaking, the “hook” in any relationship is the “L” word. Once spoken, it changes everything..and most definately the profiles should come down. If they don’t come down naturatlly (without talking about it) at that point, then perhaps there may be some flight risk that could lead to heartbreak.

November 13, 2007 at 1:06 pm
(4) Mike says:

Thanks Kate. You’re right. Just having your profile online can put a limit on trust and you can’t really have true intimacy without trust.

November 14, 2007 at 8:29 am
(5) Cat says:

Here’s my two cents: I’ve been dating online on and off for a few years, and I’ve had to face some truths about my own expectations. Communication is as important as trust, and two people have to define what a relationship means to them. One or two great dates doesn’t automatically make you exclusive, and until you have a commitment, you can’t expect someone to not date others. Your self-esteem should never be dependent upon how much someone else likes you. It’s important to remember that although you might get along well with someone, you might not be looking for the same things. Not everyone on a dating site is looking for commitment, and it’s important to find that out early. Also, someone who is spying to see what the other person is doing after a few dates is setting themselves up. I only know about how Match works, but I’m auto-signed whenever I’m online, so it doesn’t mean I’m on the site. Also, my email goes to my personal email, so it could say I’m active just because I opened the emails; I could have responded that I was seeing someone and waiting to see where it goes…you just don’t know what is going on if you can’t be honest and ask. Someone who just spies, is bringing pre-existing trust issues to the table. You don’t have to wait and see what happens naturally; if you are really into someone and want to pursue it exclusively, tell them. If they don’t feel the same way, you know, and you can move on. Not discussing it is just a way of avoiding hearing that the other person doesn’t feel as strongly as you do.

November 15, 2007 at 10:07 am
(6) Mike says:

Hello Cat, these are all valid points but you didnít answer the core question. When would you take down your profile? As for spying, I agree that after a few dates the expectation that a committed relationship exists would be unreasonable. However, we have been hurt by a relationship and taking a reassuring peek to see if the other person is still on-line isnít totally unreasonable. For me, I disabled my account as soon as I decided to pursue a long-term relationship. I assumed that she would check and wanted to send the signal that I was serious, could be trusted and wanted to give the relationship a chance. Besides it only takes a few minutes to activate of even recreate a profile.

November 15, 2007 at 1:14 pm
(7) Eric says:

It definitely is a tricky subject. You have 1 person who is dating multiple people therefore leaving the profile up. You have another person who is trying to build a relationship with just this one person then starts spying.. or maybe feels he might get rejected, or is bored at home alone so he goes online anyway and sees the other person on. Then he doesn’t know if he should even contact the first person. I stay away from the “you looking” “no strings attached (nsa)” people online because to me they seem skanky. Quality not quantity.

November 15, 2007 at 1:26 pm
(8) Early 30's says:

I’d like to add that there are “Gay Relationship” books out there in helping with the “Gay Dating World”. I think the world of gay dating is a very complicated subject and one that needs to be addressed more often and more specifically within the gay community itself. Gay people have a unique background due to societal effects that differ from heterosexuals who are almost expected to marry. The fact that gay marriage is not legal in many states in my opinion hurts the basic foundation of long term relationships. There are many people who want relationships and other people who have been hurt, feel bitter, and in turn have a tendency to say things that disparage an honest soul’s quest for a relationship. I think relationship searching and building should be encouraged and not discouraged by the confused and defensive Gay Community. If not in a traditional sense, let’s at least explore what two same sex partners really want without outside society affecting us.

November 18, 2007 at 12:43 pm
(9) Z says:

in my opinion you should take your profile off after you and the person you’re with have established that you are now a couple. if you’ve been in a relationship past 3 mths, why would you even bother still having it? there’s no need to further advertise. thats basically all that it is, an advertisement. so you should diffently take it down after you’ve become serious with someone.

November 22, 2007 at 1:11 am
(10) GW says:

A note to say how grateful I am to have found this site, and to read all the above comments. I am in currently in a situation that’s been described, and it is quite unsettling. (I’ve taken my profile off, he hasn’t )
And, I’m afraid to bring it up……wierd ……
Why should someone get upset if you ask them to
hide or remove their profile?
by the way – Happy Turkey Day :)

November 23, 2007 at 12:15 am
(11) Mike says:

GW,
I had the same thing happen to me. Just look him in the eyes and ask him why. Thats what I did and turner she just didn’t thing about it. With this I got us each a glass of wine and we removed our accounts together in a ceremonial fashion. I’m sure it will go the same for you. But if he insists on keeping it he’s… so run! Especially if its been active.

November 24, 2007 at 11:12 am
(12) GW says:

Thanks Mike. Good advice. Love how you made a ceremony out of the occasion!

January 16, 2008 at 1:33 pm
(13) Schmarol says:

I have no idea!!! I really like him. We have been talking for a month and have only gone out 3 times. We both have crazy work schedules. Believe me it’s not an excuse. I would love to take down my profile but don’t know if it’s too soon. I would love to be with him exclusively. I don’t think it’s time yet to bring it up to him. We women always assume that men think like us. THEY DON”T AND THEY NEVER WILL… They are more simple, logical and analytical than us. We women over analyze everything based on our feelings. SUCKS doesn’t it?

April 21, 2008 at 10:06 pm
(14) METOO says:

My BF just took down his profile about 5 mins ago. lol In our case, I have been very experienced in online dating and this was his very first time, he was on there only about 2 weeks before we felt exclusive. He was the one who initiated “quitting” and “unsubscribe” but as some of you may know, on Match.com, “unsubscribe” and “hide profile” are 2 different steps, and I think there are all sorts of trick to keep you “online”.
So I noticed his profile was on even after “unsubscribing” and also he was logging in here and there. :-(
On the other hand, I felt our relationship was going better. I understood his curiousity to “look” even if he says he is not “responding”, but started to bother me. So, tonight, I politely request to take it down, he did it in matter of few mins. I still wish he did without me telling. Well after all I feel better now… As some of you said, I think communication is most important! :-D

September 29, 2009 at 10:53 am
(15) Rehab says:

hmmmÖ.youíre being naive Bonny if you think that just by writing the right paragraphs a person will ďattractĒ dates. Because 95% of the people checking out dating profiles look at the photo first. Actually most of them ignore the profiles without a photo, so if you look as hell or close to it, no matter what you write in there will hilt. And besides, I donít think anyone actually believe whatís written in a profile, because they are all so general and say the same thing (most girls love dancing, reading, listening to music, long walks, a caring man/with loads of money if possible, especially if the girl is YOUNG:P). SoÖ getting to meet face to face mainly depends on how good you look on the PROFILE PHOTO, not on what it writes in the profile.

A friend of mine (man) met a girl on a dating site, chatted on messenger and on the phone for a month or so, exchanged photos (he sent her a photo, she didnít), things were looking good, they shared many things in common. But when they met face to face, she was so boring and was in fact ugly. so he excused himself after 30 minutes and got together with his beautiful ex-girlfriend again. So you get the point:))

September 29, 2009 at 11:33 am
(16) lisa says:

I donít think youíre being dishonest if you donít mention it. If you say youíre a super model type or skinny, then that would be misleading. But, I donít believe itís a lie if you just donít talk about it. I agree with you that there are just way too many people out there right now who are WAY too into physicality. We need to take a look into peoplesí souls a little more before we judge them for how they look on the outside.

September 29, 2009 at 12:00 pm
(17) dating says:

Rehab, I’m not sure if you meant to reply to this specific blog posting or not, as this one is about taking down your profile when you’re in a relationship.

Still, I’m not sure if naive is the word; I’ve used the Internet to meet people for more than a decade now, and I agree with you that photos are important. Extremely! Which isn’t to say that photos don’t lie, but at least it gives you a general idea of who you are speaking with.

October 2, 2009 at 3:47 pm
(18) Vince Ocean says:

This is a huge grey area, so one must delve deeper into the intangibles. First off, who normally pays for initial dates ? That would be the man. Second off, who normally gets more “hits” with regards to online dating ? That would be the female.

Next up, lets agree that we are talking about people that are older than 35 ( those that have been around the block, and should know what they are looking for ).

So lets say you go on 1 date, have a great time, have a few phone calls, go on another date…if she is checking out her profile every day, chances are good she is fishing for someone else.

In the meantime, how beneficial is it for the guy to be paying for all these early dates, when she is looking elsewhere ?

October 13, 2009 at 10:40 pm
(19) mom2gr8kids says:

Vince, so I’m reading your response and it leads me to further questions. I am older than 35 and a female, recently (6 weeks ago) began seeing a gentlemen also older than 35; he has paid for all the dates thus far; I made my cupid profile inactive 2 weeks ago and told him that I did. I am not fishing any longer, but he still checks his. Incidentally he doesn’t have a pic up on his so probably gets very few hits, but I don’t want to assume too much.
So do you think he’s still fishing?
I liked the comment earlier about the “L” word and I had just figured I would wait around for it and then say something about the profile. That is his decision, I just wish he would make it!

February 10, 2010 at 8:37 pm
(20) Chris says:

Thank you for posting these comments. I just ended a relationship with a guy that I care alot about. I needed reassurance that I did the right thing.

We just met this past NYE we hit it off from the beginning and have been talking and spending alot of time together. We told each other that we weren’t going to date anyone else yet we both remained on Match. As time passed and we got closer, I felt really uncomfortable when I logged on and saw him on the site. I felt like I was cheating on him when I read or replied to other mens emails. He told me that he wanted to be on the site because he liked chatting with women about single parenthood issues.

In my opinion, its like having your cake and eat it too, not taking that step toward a future but leaving your options open.

February 23, 2010 at 10:10 am
(21) Go Figure says:

Actions speak louder than words . . . I believe that it shows good character to removed your advertisment in the singles section once you and your sig. other decided to date only each other.

Once you two decied to date exclusively and the other person doesn’t remove their advertisment then it implies that they are not really committed to dating just you – no matter what they say, actions speak louder than words.

As far as people saying someone has trust issues because they are not okay with their sig. other keeping their advertisment active; that is a trust issue. You either are in a relationship or you are not; kind of difficult to kind of be in one don’t ya think?

June 1, 2010 at 7:03 am
(22) Zdrowie says:

Iíve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.

July 28, 2010 at 11:14 am
(23) tahitian noni says:

I find myself coming to your blog more and more often to the point where my visits are almost daily now!

November 30, 2010 at 9:02 am
(24) Brooks says:

I am a women in my 40′s. I have been dating online on and off for about 4 years. I once dated a guy for about 3 months. We did not fall in love and it never really got serious. He was online everyday. This really hurt because I’d spend the night there. Then as soon as I left he was online. I fianlly woke up on that one. If the person guy or girl says the words that he/she wants to date exclusivly…then the profile needs to come down. I have heard every excuse in the book as to why it does not. I forgot..I don’t know how to deactivate it…I never think about it when I’m on my computer….on and on blah blah blah.. It takes less than 5minutes. And if they are not taking it down it is because this:::: THEY ARE STILL HOPING TO FIND SOMETHING BETTER. I know that can hurt..but it is the truth. I am see a guy now that I met on line. He told me several times that he took his profile down to just date me. I left mine up. We have only been going out a month. So the other day I found him on another dating website!! Hahah can you belive it. Well I knew it was too good to be true. I told him I found him on other dating websites. He said he is not active on the other ones,…..and this is true. Since we’ve only been dating a month. I am letting it go for now. But I will be watching. Yeah…watching is a little pathetic…but if you have ever been cheated on via online dating while married…you learn to watch! We all come from different background and stories and we can’t help the hand we were dealt.

December 14, 2010 at 1:39 pm
(25) Phillyhfi says:

What’s up, is there anybody else here?
Is anybody here looking to network, let me know.
Oh, and yes I’m a real person and I hope are you too. What’s up?

Peace

March 20, 2011 at 8:34 pm
(26) Nico says:

This is one of the tricky issues that comes with online dating, and one that left me with a bad experience (young male).

Since the dating site becomes essentially the go-between between two people interested in each other, this virtual aura hangs over any relationship that is built and creates, like others have said, an imbalance of trust. My advice would be to be an open book to your dating partner when removing your profile the minute you do it.

May 11, 2011 at 10:00 pm
(27) Nicole says:

Ah wow, so many of these stories sound like mine. I met a guy on one dating site. We were talking back and forth via the email, then text for about a month. We finally met for dinner a month ago, and have been out a few times since them. We have a lot of fun together, and a lot in common, etc… He pays for all the dates, initiates contact with me, comes out of his way to see me and go on dates. We did talk about the whole profile thing online. His told me his is still active, but that he did not renew it and should be expiring soon, but he still logs in regularly. He says he doesn’t get a lot of action, or people even contacting him. I am new to the dating scene after being married, so I don’t know when it’s appropriate to hope or expect to deactivate the profiles or stop checking them. As others have said this really raises a red flag in the trust department to me. We have talked, we are dating, and not dating other people and seeing where this goes. He is extremely open, and honest, and has told me many times to talk to him and ask him anything. So I’m planning on it this weekend when we see each other. Am I over reacting, should his profile be deleted by now, or does it just need more time. I hate to jump to a conclusion on this, but do not want to be used and played.

November 16, 2011 at 2:11 am
(28) 100% free online dating service says:

You’re a cheater if you’re still posting as Single in a dating site.. or at least you’re still have an account in a dating site while on a relationship.

November 16, 2011 at 9:00 pm
(29) Arby says:

Wow! So many people don’t have the basics down. Don’t force your moral code on others. Right? I am assuming that people would agree, but maybe I shouldn’t seeing how so many people seem to proceed from a position that it’s okay to assume that everyone sees things the way they do. Also, If not communicating with those with whom you want to share intimacy is normal, expect problems. Sure, It may lead to a lot of discussion online in forums like this, but if the only way for people to have discussions (a good thing) is for them to create problems for themselves that they needn’t create (a bad thing), then nothing matters.

In my POF profile – which girls usually like even when it also infuriates them – I make a point of suggesting, as one thing to do on a first date, that we are clear up front about what we are looking for. It may not seem like fun, but I actually think that ‘not’ doing so is problematic.

November 17, 2011 at 4:50 am
(30) Stig Larsen says:

Well I always keep my profile until it get serious. I will never play on more than one horse, but if the relationship crack right quickly, well then it will be easy to return to the online dating with a open profile. I probaly already have used a lot of hours building it up with great text and pictures.

November 19, 2011 at 6:52 am
(31) Russian Women Marriage says:

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November 27, 2011 at 9:30 pm
(32) Kaoskitty says:

I’ve read every comment on this dubious question.
The way I see it, once you’ve made it clear to someone that you really like them, having your profile up is moot. That does nothing but make the person you’re dating uncomfortably curious, and there is no legitimate excuse for leaving it up. You either want to flirt online or you don’t, it’s very simple. If a man is a decent gentleman he will be interested in you enough to focus on you and hide his profile, without you having to ask him! Don’t ever doubt your instincts if you feel you’re being played, self-respect is key. You don’t need to see his status as ‘online’ more than once after a date of sweet talk, to know something is off. Nowadays it’s extremely common for men to date without any intentions of commitment, so they can continue to online shop for perfection (which will never arrive). Online dating is becoming a harmful addiction in the ‘new age’, as people become too comfortable with a computer screen, instead of face to face or voice to voice contact. Play the game and you may be lucky, but always be aware.

November 29, 2011 at 11:15 am
(33) Kaoskitty says:

From experience and conversations with others, it seems every guy that stays online blames the female for insecurities. It is NOT a difficult concept to grasp that after they have confessed feelings for a woman, that staying up on the site makes women uncomfortable. Even innocent attention from others is a lack of focus. A man cannot possibly put all his attention into a possible relationship with a potential mate, if he’s flirting online. If he’s truly interested, the only fun & games he needs is you. It does not take long to weed out the ones who subscribe to find love from those who subscribe to play online. And the committment-phobes will use every excuse possible to convince you staying online is perfectly innocent. Think for yourselves ladies.

November 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm
(34) Jess says:

I completely agree with the comments that say a man (or women in many cases) will either delete or hide their online dating profile without being spoken to about it as soon as they are serious about the relationship. I didn’t even know that the guy I was dating had a profile anywhere (i don’t do online dating myself). When I asked him what we were to each other about a month into dating, he told me we were together and exclusive and told me he had hidden his online profile because we were together. That’s what any decent person who is serious about their partner will do. As soon as the idea of exclusivity comes up, any profiles should be gone.

December 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm
(35) William says:

What a bunch of trash. I met a girl online and we went out twice. She initiated contact as her profile is always off. We had a great time both times and I really like her. But I fear that her insecurity of seeing me online is an issue because she is more distant now but hasn’t said anything. Most places tell the guy to ditch her if she is online but that is retarded to me. She may just be seeing if I’m on. I go online to see what emails etc I have. I only date one woman at a time. I just wish she would ask.

December 31, 2011 at 8:13 pm
(36) Stella says:

William, darlin’, grow up! You are 35 and saying ‘you wish she would ask’! YOU ask! Or TALK with her about her asking! Life’s too short to have to read people’s minds. Lighten up and just live it! Make some mistakes, talk about what’s real, what you expect or want, or just think about it instead. Your thoughts are your own, you can share them. Or not. It’s not illegal/immoral to think whatever you want. Phoning someone and/or dating is not a marriage proposal! But you’ve gotta start somewhere. If you really don’t want to know what they are doing online, then don’t look! But … mebbe talk about the difference between cyber-relationships (all theoretical, maybe looking for ‘miss/mr perfect’?), and reality. Both are OK, but the real one is easier to really make something of. Everyone’s just doing their best, I reckon. Best to you all and Happy New Year. May true love and friendship come your way. (And if you know any gorgeous over 50′s men, just let me know!).

January 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm
(37) Emma says:

I have never done any online dating myself. I have been seeing a guy for 3 months now. It’s going extremely well. He is a gentleman to me. He seems to trust me, has confided various private information to me. After nearly 2 months of dating he told me he really liked me, could we be exclusive and would I be his girlfriend.

But, two weeks ago my friend who has her own dating profile online told me that she had seen a profile for him on the same site. Curious, she clicked on his profile to see that it listed him as “online now” and his profile states that he is “looking for women for dates”
I thought maybe it was an old profile he has forgotten about. My friend and another friend of mine (he hasn’t met either of these girls by he way so would not recognize their profiles) emailed him from their accounts. To see if he would respond. They have messaged him 3 times in total and he never responded. Also one of them saw him online one evening and tried to “chat” with him but he didn’t answer. I have also set up a profile with a fake photo and emailed him from that. He never responded.

I am very confused by this, I know he is not physically seeing anyone else. He wouldn’t have any time to. Also if he was actively seeking dates online why didn’t he respond to numerous offers from the “fake” me and my friends? But if he isn’t responding to any offers why bother still logging in from time to time to check? I log into the site from time and he still visits maybe twice a week.

It is very upsetting for me as this guy is wonderful and is constantly telling me how much he likes me and how great a time he has with me. We also have a great sex life by the way. His friends have all accepted me into the circle and are always inviting us out as a couple , they even contact me directly, so they obviously know he is serious.

But why the active dating profile. Please help. If a guy could give me an honest opinion I would really appreciate it.:(

January 20, 2012 at 11:16 pm
(38) EXCERNEHOURSE says:

Wow, amazing post. ?

February 2, 2012 at 1:28 am
(39) Margie says:

Iíd appreciate some adviceÖ My story is somewhat different from the others in that he and I live in different states. Met on fitness-singles. Emailed for two months. Scheduled a visit to see me. Prior to his visit, my subscription ended, so I hid my profile so as not to get any more emails, though I did get some from previous corresponders. I logged in now and then, and noticed for about a week his was still on. Another week goes by and his profile is gone. Clearly hidden. Though Iíve noticed he was still active. I can still see his profile because weíve emailed and thatís how fitness-singles works. So then I got to checking his activity, while I was hidden. Silly cat and mouse. What do you make of that? I know why mine is hidden and active now Ė checking on his activity. I wonder why his is hidden and activeÖ any ideas other than he could be doing the same as I am? I have deactivated my profile, so what he sees of me is Ďno longer a memberí, and he cannot see that I have logged in.

Anyway, we finally met in my state a couple of weekends ago. He stayed at a hotel; though that did not stop the Ďintimacyí after a couple of dates. Now I feel like such an idiot because heís been back for a week and has contacted me only by email 3 times, no phone call. This is his typical MO from before we met, I just thought after meeting, claiming he had a great time, wants me to visit, wants to come back that he would contact more. I want to add he has been a perfect gentleman (heís late 40s, Iím early 50s), emails always proper, but in person is more fun and engaging. So I dont get it, other than to assume heís just not that into me. Iíd be OK with that, just want it defined. Part of me wonders if heís following my lead; he knows Iím not into rushing things, not interested in marriage. Thoughts anyone?

February 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm
(40) confused Tee says:

SO i am in this situation. I found out after suspicion that my current gf of over three months now is on a website and actually sending and recieving messages. when i confronted her about it she said she was bored and was just doing it for fun. I on the otherhand am completely insulted, i feel used, hurt and like the last 3 months have been a lie. but the problem is i really care about her. she took it immediately down and none of the messages were really that bad just sort of casual talk/flirting. no plans to meet phone numbers etc. but now im worried about trust and wether i should even continue. maybe i should just take the heartache now? or is there hope.

February 11, 2012 at 12:40 am
(41) Orphan Annie says:

No, there is no hope. She is acting in a dishonest and disrespectful way. Her message to you is……I’m staying with you until something better comes up. Find a girl who does not get bored and who has a life!

February 15, 2012 at 4:58 pm
(42) northeast title loans says:

When I open your RSS feed it seems to be a bunch of strange characters, is the malfunction on my reader?

February 15, 2012 at 10:51 pm
(43) Jodi says:

I am new to online dating. I would like some feedback please. I have gotten so many different opinions it makes things quite confusing. If I have been talking to the same person for two months now online only and we have not met yet but he assures me we are going to in a few weeks is this considered a real relationship. Some say yes and some say no because we have not met in person. I have found though that your really do get a bit emotionally invested though. The only reason we have not met yet is because he is in the service and is retiring and again will be here in a few weeks. He emails me everyday. We chat online everyday and he expresses his feelings for me everyday. He has also sent me maybe pictures of himself and his children and I have to. I am a realist so for me no expectations no disappointments and then I keep from getting my hopes up. What do you guys and gals think about this. Does he seem like he is on the up and up. He has not revealed any personal information as far as a phone number yet but then again neither have I. He lives in the same city as me though when he does come home.

Thanks,
Jodi

February 16, 2012 at 7:48 am
(44) news says:

1 potato

February 28, 2012 at 9:29 am
(45) HAyley says:

I have been dating a guy from the net for the past 5 months. He has closes at my house which he left here, is either at work or with me so why the dating profile? I can see it clearly when he his on his laptop and hasnt hid it from me so is he playing games or is he just not bothered it is still up. Its on his fb page and is are you interested which is easily removed. I havent spoken to him about it as I know its a touchy subject. I am unsure of what to do next as he has told my friends that he wont hurt me and intends to be with me for a very long time..

March 1, 2012 at 6:30 pm
(46) Susie says:

I have been seeing a guy from online for five months. We go out once a week sometimes twice, because of his schedule is different from mine. When we are together he talks like he likes me alot. He said he can not have a committment now. He is still on line and said he is paying for it so he will stay on. He just looks at his emails and etc. He is very good to me, gentleman. He is not dating anyone else. What are your comments on this?

March 28, 2012 at 12:21 am
(47) MOMO says:

Wow all these posts have convinced me that I made the right decision! I was dating someone I met on Match for over 2 months. things where wonderful! We spent a lot of time together and always had a great time but he would still log in almost everyday. When I spoke to him about how much this bothered me and how this made me feel “Like he was still searching and was taking time away from him to really get to know ME” he said he still had a few months left on his membership and that he would do it just to kill time, he also used the “You are insecure” card. It bothered me so much that he continued to search even after I communicated to him how it made me feel, that I realized he was just not that into me..so I broke it off. He still blames it on my insecurities and almost had me thinking it was insecurities until I read all these posts! Glad I did because it just reassured me I definitely made the right decision!!

March 28, 2012 at 11:18 am
(48) JJ says:

I met a guy online and we were dating for about two months. Spent every weekend together. He said he only wanted to date me and to see where it world go. I told him I took my profile down. We went away for my birthday and spent a wonderful weekend together. He told me he had nothing to hide and gave me his passwords. I found out that he was active on two dating sites and sent out four messages after our weekend together (the same night we returned). Telling the girls they were cute and if they would like to chat sometime. Needless to say. I kicked him to the curb!

April 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm
(49) Mike says:

I met a girl recently on match.com. We emailed for 2 weeks (longest ever for me as I usually eamiled afew times and then meet), we met, 2 hour meet and greet, then met again a week later. The 2nd date was great, we almost had sex though we both agreed not to. Since we have talked about a 3rd date.

What’s strange is she turned off her profile before our first date. I did not. She turned it back on 2 days after our 2nd date. I turned mine off. 2 days after our 2nd date. She told me how much fun she had, that she wanted to go slow though she really liked me. I felt the same. I like her, a lot, though the almost having sex was too fast for me too.

Prior to our first date she said she turned her profile off as she was getting too many emails. She turned it back on briefly before our first date to share 2 more photos with me, she said. I do not understand why she turned her profile back on after our 2nd date, and after we made plans for a 3rd date. Now I am hesitant to go thru with the 3rd date.

May 6, 2012 at 10:20 pm
(50) Jennifer says:

Help! I’m a head case.

I’ve been online dating on & off for years. I went on a date on Friday. We went to the movies then talked for an hour or. We seemed to click. When I got home I checked to see if he had logged into the dating site. He hadn’t which made me feel good. Then I thought , he prob just went home and crashed. The next day he was on & off all day long.

He brought dinner over Saturday night. We watched a movie, ended up having sex, which I regret. I should have slowed things down. After he left I texted him asking if he wanted to see me again & he said “of course, I’m free Monday” i said “cool” Because im a head case i got online & he wasn’t on, then i checked 5 minutes later & he was online! It hadn’t been 15 minutes after he left & he was checking his online dating messages. I am a complete psycho for checking. After all we had only 2 dates.

It’s Sunday & i checked on & off all day and he was on a few times Its evening now & i just got on to see if he was online and YUP he was online. I called him to see how his day was but he didn’t answer. Soooo here is where I just typed impulsively and it’s been eating at me since.

I said

How can u be online here yet not answer your phone? I’ve noticed you’ve been on a lot since we met. I had fun this weekend, blah blah blah blah. I’m canceling Monday. It was nice meeting you. Good luck.

What did I do?!? What is wrong with me. Ive been thinking about this situation since I messaged him. Now I’ve been sad and don’t get to be excited about seeing him tomorrow. We went out twice. I know I look super crazy and insecure.

Also I had left him a sexy message on the site to flirt and he didn’t reply WHEN HE WAS ONLINE. I also called. He hasn’t contacted me since last night so I slammed the door on this.

Id really love to hear from MEN. I’m a beautiful woman with a great personality. I have just been mind screwed by all the guys I’ve met online. Sigh

May 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm
(51) Jennifer says:

Also

Any advice on learning how to trust. I’ve never been cheated on but I’ve been lied to in the worst ways. The guy has never come clean. I’ve always just figured out the lie. It has messed me up bad. I know this is why I am single. One of two things happen. I ask insecurity questions too soon or I just slam the door shut like I did above sending him the message to take care. This acts as my wall so I can’t get hurt.

May 27, 2012 at 1:54 pm
(52) James F says:

Hello,

This is a very good topic. I have been on dating sites for awhile now and has been good for meeting women but also good for ending relationships. I just broke up with a Lady I really liked because I kept seeing her on the site but the topper for me was when she add another guy from the site to her facebook the day after she added me. I had been talking to this lady for about 7 months before we decided to meet we went out four time in a about a week and I did tell her I was interested in seeing her exclusively . I mentioned he profile to her but said she has friends on there she checks in with and she uses it for net working. This was the second Lady that said the same thing to me they have friend on there they talking to.

May 28, 2012 at 3:19 am
(53) Igmont says:

Jennifer-

After two dates to expect him to have yanked his profile? A little too soon.

Iggy

June 5, 2012 at 9:03 pm
(54) Zebedee says:

Must agree this is an awkward subject. But from my own experiences ( as a male) the ladies out there online just presume us men are telepathic and can read their thoughts, we can’t, yes i know you women pride yourselves on being great communicators but when it comes to men your basically appalling, so we give up…..why should men have to ASK YOU if the relationship is worth committing too, afterall your commitment is emotional and will be forgotten within a short period whilst our commitment could possibly be financial for years if it fails (on top of any previous financial commitments to ex’s)?

Best thing you ladies can do is talk to the guy and don’t expect it all to come from him, because it wont unless your in cuckoo land!

June 11, 2012 at 8:48 am
(55) JoDee says:

First of all I find the internet fasinating that I can type in a question like “When should you take down a profile…..” and this blog pops up!

I just got out of an 11 month relationship. Stupidly I guess I should not have remained that long in it. We had been dating for about 3 months….when I was clearing the history on MY computer I found that he had been on the sites..from MY computer! That is not “automatic” that is wilful activity. Since we were early in our relationship, I asked him about it, he said he was just “looking”. So I thought, we are new, I will wait. Caught him again at about 6 months….had the chat with him about where we were at and that I was not ok with him being on there. He said he was dating just me, the “love” word had been said…so I “assumed” he would deactivate his profiles. At the 11 month mark he seemed to be “letting me in” to his life more with talk of future and making gestures such as me leaving stuff at his place, letting me put a woman’s touch on things etc. So, since I need to feel safe before coming completely vulnerable, I checked again on-line…guess what! Still active!!!! AND best part was he had not answered my e-mails or texted that day…so when I caught him on-line…I messaged him straight from there! He tried hiding the profile thinking he could hide – too funny.

My thoughts now are I am NOT gonna stay and invest my time or energy into any man that leaves his profiles active. They are totally NOT trustworthy. As stated many times on here, they can easily be reactivated if things do not work out…love the one you are with…be committed enough to them to take down your profile to see if things will work…and if not, begin again byt setting them back up. This is especially necessary for us older daters who have most likely suffered trust issues with past relationships…just my 2 cents worth.

July 15, 2012 at 4:23 am
(56) annorbaerobre says:

Dogs, cats, hamsters, fish, parrots – who do you prefer? Or perchance what that non-native animals – snakes, crocodiles, lizards, monkeys?

July 16, 2012 at 3:53 pm
(57) Andy says:

I met started speaking to a girl on a dating site in March 2012. We met up by early April after regular texting and phone calls, we really got on! After a few dates we classed ourselves as in a relationship and discussed it, and I removed my profile on the dating site as the subscription would end. She said she would cancel hers but had problems removing her profile, which I accepted. She even commented on the cheesy email you get asking you to talk about your story of meeting somebody through the site!

Fast forward two months where she had emerged as a bit of an OCD control freak about my new flat (we were not living together) and started ripping my head off about minor things, not spending time together and making me feel like crap. When I asked her what was wrong she turned it on me saying my flat needed to be sorted out properly so it was “nice”. She then said I had annoyed her by not listening to what she had said about the flat, and asking others for advice!

We were going to talk things through but I had a gut feeling…I signed into the dating site as a guest, and saw her profile online. I saw it again and again through that day into the next and saw a lad she added on facebook was also from that site. When I questioned her about this she immediately said I was jealous, paranoid, lack of trust. She denied going on there. Then the next day said she had got a “friend” to check and that she knew I had looked at her profile. After it is over she sends me messages through the site telling me not to look at her profile!

The fact she was using this site, I would have been happy to have talked through but she had made her decision. She said we could have talked things through other than my “moment of madness” looking on that dating site. What are people’s views? I do feel I skipped a bullet with the OCD and turning blame onto me etc but then the low self esteem kicks in and I think about how we got on, and wish it could go back to that.

July 29, 2012 at 4:23 am
(58) kabbie says:

I agree with most of the comments. I really believe that once you become a couple, remove your profiles off the chart. This action shows that you’re sincere toward the other person. However, I know a friend of mine who’s on match.com and met this guy, and really falling for him. They see and get together 4 to 5 times a week. She decided to remove her photos, but the guy was supposed to do the same. He only eliminated the green highlight on his profile for a day, then put it back the next day. When they’re not together, he goes online 6 to seven times from the minute he wakes up until he goes to bed while my friend doesn’t even go online anymore. Now she asked me if this guy is really serious about their relationship and I told her I will help her post it and see what you guys think about it it. Any comments, thoughts, ideas, or advice you can post will be great. I told her how I feel and think, but she’s not covinved. I need more ideas please……..Thakns!

July 30, 2012 at 10:33 am
(59) Mel says:

Glad I found this site as I did feel very confused. Similar story to everyone really, met this guy on Match, I’d had a few dates and was beginning to be disheartened, but this guy seemed really nice, funny, genuine – you know I’ve been hurt before so I wouldn’t do it to you’ kinda guy. We have dated for three months and have had ‘The Chat’. I found three weeks ago that he was still on-line and we discussed it. I even said that if he wanted to still date I would back off and see how it goes, but no he was happy with me and he would take his profile off. Needless to say, he didn’t so for three weeks I have had a friend who has been checking for me and he seems to go on every day. We see each other alot and he has introduced me to family and says we are girlfriend/boyfriend. Anyway my friend (asked by me) sent him a contact request. The weekend after the contact request was sent, we again discussed on-line dating and he was saying how much he hated it and he would never use it again and how lucky we were to have found each other.. funny how he brought it up!! I did say that I knew he was still on the site but he tried to tell me it wasn’t him, that Match do this on purpose to keep people on line! Anyway I asked him if he would take his profile off as it would mean alot to me.. he said yes of course. I went home happy, only to find in the morning that my friend had had an e-mail from him saying he was accepting the contact request and looking forward to hearing from her. Worse he did it before I had even got home after spending the weekend with him. He is still denying it, he hasn’t been on line…is this possible?!

September 23, 2012 at 9:33 pm
(60) runnergirl says:

Being on match on and off for a few years has changed my perspective a bit. I typically get a lot of hits via emails and interests. I am candid and honest and tend to hate that time period where men are asking me what I am doing tonite bc it is a natural part of our daily conversation and I may have a date with someone else. If I have seen that they are still active it sort of validates for me that I am within my rights to keep dating. If they ask I will be honest and tell them that I thought they were still dating also as they still were active on match. Believe me when I say if they don’t want me to date anyone else, they initiate the conversation to be exclusive and take the profiles down. U can’t have your cake and eat it too. You have to stay in control. if u are both on the same page you will communicate before it gets uncomfortable, if not than maybe one person isn’t ready to committ. cest la vie.

October 13, 2012 at 12:42 am
(61) Stephen says:

Online dating is like the light bulb that attracts bugs. I’ve been burned so many times thinking women like me only to find them online within hours of a date or even sex. I’ve become so jaded now I stay online. But it drives me crazy because this is not a normal way to date a person. I always get depressed when I go out with someone thinking we hit it off only to view her profile and see that she is still on line. So where does it end? I’ve met women who have been single for 4 or 5 years after their divorce and don’t know why. I’ve met women coming out of bad relationships who just want to explore their freedom but can’t come to terms with booty call dates. Then there are the less than truthful, I hardly go on anymore – but they are on every night. And when asked, the answer is well I paid for it right so why not use it. These online date sites are the death knell of relationships. One success out of millions is not very good odds.

November 11, 2012 at 7:49 pm
(62) Holly says:

A year ago, at age 24, I met a boyfriend through POF. He seemed to really want a long term relationship, and sees to really like me. He dropped the L word after 1 month. And yet, he never took down his profile. I became suspicious and went on POF to check. (I, on the other hand, had been faithful since meeting him and until then had never even logged on.) Well, what do you know – he was online at that very second! Well that sent me thru the roof. I confronted him and he begged for forgiveness and said he was just going on because someone sent Gina message. Dont ask me ehy I forgave him – I should have dumped him right there. Also don’t ask me why I didn’t demand him to take his profile off!!! I was stupid, and thought I loved him. I wanted to act like the chill gf who doesn’t let much get to her. Never do that. By 3 months, he had left me for a different girl he found on the site.

Learn from me, please. You MUST FORCE your man to remove his profile. He will likely not do it otherwise. It is almost irresistible for men to leave their profiles up and see what else might come along, in case (I’m sorry to say it) it’s better than you. That’s how men are. Even if he says “but I never log onto it, so why does it matter.” it matters because he is waiting to see what other girls will email him, that’s why. If he never logs on, then why would it matter if he takes it down.

I am happy to say I have been in a relationship with a loving, sweet, wonderful young man for 5 months now. We did not meet online, and after 3+ yrs of online dating I am convinced that is why it’s working out so well. I believe online dating relationships are almost impossible to make work. For me, at least.

November 11, 2012 at 8:05 pm
(63) Holly says:

^^^ That’s supposed to be left him a message*

November 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm
(64) Robbie says:

I was widowed last year. After a while, I put up my profile on seniorpeoplemeet. I met a gentleman April of this year. Wonderful man. Kind, thoughtful and we get along fine. It’s a long distance relationship. He’s been divorced for 8 years and has been on dating sites for some time. We’ve made future plans, we spend at least every other weekend together. sometimes 8 days at a time. He’s planning on retiring and moving here. He’s met my family and friends, and I’ve spent holidays with his. Yet, through a friend of mine, I found out he still has his profile up and checks it every few days. She’s looked at his profile, he looks back but no contact. What do I say? He’s wonderful and says he’ll never hurt me. He does not know that I know. I’m scared to death of how to approach. I’m going to be 60, he 69.

November 16, 2012 at 10:37 am
(65) CAR33 says:

My guy and I have been dating for approximately 3 months. We haven’t established an exclusive relationship status, per se’, but he told me last week that he deleted his dating profile. I quickly followed suit, and deleted my profile later that day, when I had access to my computer.

November 19, 2012 at 2:17 am
(66) Ross Felix says:

Your profile and your “exclusivity” at the very least should follow hand in hand. If you’re dating exclusively, then there’s no reason to have a dating profile.

The problem is that many sites sell 6 month memberships, and people don’t want to feel like they wasted their money if they meet someone two months in.

I was a serial online dater. Between 1997 and 2007 (when I met my wife) I went out on about 400 first dates. During that time I had a number of semi-serious relationships. My internal rule was after 3 dates with someone I stopped dating other people. I figured by that point I should know if there was potential. I’d either cease dating that person, or cease dating anyone else (and with that, I’d hide my profile).

November 20, 2012 at 3:18 pm
(67) AKA Lucifer says:

Hi all,
I agree to most or all above…

One should take down his profile when a commitment has been done.

My issue here is slightly different.
We met on Match about a month ago. we had a few wrinkles to iron on so had kept it as “hanging out” but last week we commonly decided to commit to it.
(I must say that when I do commit, I do)
Slowly I was making myself unavailable on the sites I was on.
She had noticed I was on them and got suspicious about me.
I have not contacted anyone since I have met her. Not been active on most even before I met her.
Nonetheless I started closing everything down.

Here’s the problem:
Last night, I have not logged on to any of those sites. Yet she logged on and saw me as online on Match. Obviously, she got pissed-off and hell broke loose and everything called off.
Nothing I could say as she had seen “proof” I was there…
The only thing I did last night was to go through my emails to delete all the past junk I received from those sites.
So as (5) Cat says: it could say Iím active just because I opened the emails.
Has anyone had a confirmation of this happening?
I have not been back to Match to ask the question as going back would only feed the fire. (My account is closed anyways)

Again I have been faithfull in action and in taughts from our start.
I feel cheeted by the system as I really wanted this to work.
Any info would be appreciated.

Thanks,

AKA Lucifer (Yes this is the nickname she gave me)

November 21, 2012 at 7:53 am
(68) sammy says:

Have had 3 dates with a lovely guy, we clicked.
About a week ago, he saw me on POF, he texted me, ‘you in POF?’ I texted him to say just hiding my profile’ which was true, i asked him if he was still on POF, he said ‘just to see if you were.’
From that response i naively thought he had stopped using it.
Last night, as he didnt return my text, thought i’d have a look to see if he was on POF, suprise, suprise there he was chatting on POF..
I feel a proper idiot . I dont really object to him being on POF at this early stage of our ‘potential relationship’ just the impression that he wanted ‘us’ to stop using it…he mislead me ..Anyway i feel that POF is more for hook ups than a relationship site..

November 25, 2012 at 4:57 am
(69) top that... says:

I guess I can play top that… Met “the one” on POF…by the third date he asked if I was going to keep my profile up and really…there was no reason. We passed the love stage and I got that feeling while he was visiting his kids for thanksgiving. Yes, his profile was active, he was on line today and to win or really lose at top that… his profile pictures were updated with the ones I took. I was photo shopped out of one, he was wearing the shirt I bought him in another and I took the one of him alone. Perfect pic match to my phone. He’s in his 50′s. Don’t you know by then? I did confront him… and he said he would take them down, his secretary put them up… and he loves me. Am I a fool? :-(

November 26, 2012 at 3:25 am
(70) Fran says:

Ok ok I was really stupid. I put up with going out with a bloke for two years when he kept his profile live and logged on regular. We were ‘exclusive’ and I killed my profile 4 weeks in. He didn’t despite me discussing it with him in an open and considered way. Doh! Guess what? Just had an eye out so he could trade up. So I wasted 2 years! I met new bloke. He took his profile down immediately- no trust problems what so ever. I should have left Mr Commitment phobe much earlier.
I have a pal still on line and she told me that my errant ex is still trawling despite being blissfully going ‘steady’ with a lovely lass. So guess what? He ain’t gonna change his spots- there is a reason a 41 year old bloke never gets beyond the 2 year mark in any relationship. He’s always window shopping.

November 26, 2012 at 7:30 pm
(71) M says:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2years, and he still has his profile. He says he doesn’t veiw it as a dating site, but a social network. It bothers me because I know only women will contact him…is this just an ego boost for him. Should I feel weird that this bothers me?

November 29, 2012 at 6:53 pm
(72) Same boat! says:

I’m glad to see I’m not the only one confused and frustrated about the online dating scene. My experience tells me that it’s a great place to meet dozens of different people, but not really a place to meet someone for a relationship…unless I’ve been really unlucky! Talk about love triangles!…with all these people online each dating multiple people who in turn are dating multiple people..you end up with octogons…never mind triangles! I’m a divorced 43 year old woman. I remember the days before the internet. Beginning a relationship seemed so easy…not filled with all the insecurites I have now (with meeting online). Back then (in my 20′s), when I’d meet a man…I knew from the get go that he was probably just dating me. Nobody likes rejection, so it seemed only guys that were players or had nerves of steel could go up to a multitude of random women they didn’t know and ask them out. The average guy would set his sites on one woman he liked…ask her out…and then the relationship seemed to fall into place without all this outside interference. It’s also an eye opener for me reading these comments that it’s just not the women having problems with the men they’re dating online…it’s happening to the men too. What I’ve found really interesting though, is that the men I’ve met would probably think I’m expecting too much for them to be exlusive to me after the first month or so…..but don’t think it’s way too soon to expect sex after the first few dates!….shouldn’t exclusivity come before sex?? If you’re dating and sleeping with someone….and still active online (and this goes for women too)…aren’t you having your cake and eating it too! Just say’n.

December 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm
(73) lilbird says:

Dated a man (50) for 5 months, couldn’t understand why he would say I love you…your the only one…let’s get married, move in together, have a family and blah blah blah…then i realized his social profile was not only filled with single women, but new ones day by day…. wants to have his cake and eat it too I guess…asked him for an exclusive relationship and no more social profile….hasn’t spoken to me since…. WOW, 50 and still not grown up..But for me, I am set free and learned that the old fashioned way is the only way. If a man won’t let go of his internet honey’s he’s not worth holding on to…

December 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm
(74) Curious says:

I went on a first date with a girl I met on POF on Friday night. We just met at a bar close to her house (my idea, in case she got too tipsy, it was close for her to get home). We totally hit it off! Lots of laughs and non stop conversation. We talked about seeing da bother again and I even caught her texting her friend saying that I was cute and funny and she was having a great time. She even invited me to meet her friends at a party the next night. I politely told her I’d like to see her a few more times before I meet her friends. She texted me the next morning at 6am to tell me she was hungover and it was my fault (jokingly). She told me that she wanted to be honest with me and that she has been talking to a couple other guys online and did have plans to go meet them, although she still wanted a second date with me. This confuses me, in a way. Although I know the point of online dating is to find your match and someone you can be with long term, why would she want a second date with me if she has plans to meet other guys? I’m not sure if I should just walk away now or see where we go.

Any feedback would be great!

Thanks

December 3, 2012 at 9:31 pm
(75) Adel says:

Im in a relationship where my parnter wont stop these date he says his single call them beautiful and sweetness. Its a real stain on the relationship. It should stop and all be deactivated they shouldnt stay open for any reason. I met him on one i canceled that straight away due to respect. Im confused and do trust any more he drives a truck interstate how do i know whay he is up to when he is in brisbane or sydney. I use to trust 100% before i looked on his ph and saw pics of other girl and a few textes. It wrong it should stop

December 4, 2012 at 8:08 am
(76) Adel says:

Also gives u the chance to met some that is already in a relationship. And helps them to be untrue and hurt the other one . People on them just dont care i would stop all dating site and people should get back to do what they use to do. Go out and met people furst hanf and no im not old im 37 and have better value for my self and others out there then most.
Hard to control when girls cheapen them selfs in pics on them. So glad i didnt have to do that to get a man. I respect myself and im true to the man im witj

December 9, 2012 at 7:28 pm
(77) Rainalot2112 says:

I’ve tried the internet dating thing, even for a lesbian such as myself it was a mine field. Which is why l now listen to my Bishop when she says “Stay off of internet “dating” sites. Because after being burned by skanks and losers i’ve learned my lesson. There ain’t crap wrong with being single and celibate, it only requires discipline, self-love, and self-respect.

December 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm
(78) Daisy says:

I have been online dating for the past year & after kissing lots of frogs I met someone I really connect with. Things are going great after about 2 months – see each other on weekends & talk/text everyday. He said in the first couple dates “once I start talking to someone I don’t go back on” & asked if I did. I said sometimes I do to check messages but not to attempt contact with anyone. We haven’t had “the talk” about any long-term relationship but have told each other we’re not dating anyone else. We are in our 40′s so not kids and he is recently out of long term marriage. He’s given me no reason to not trust him & I don’t think I have either but when in best time in everybody’s opinion to bring up either hiding or taking down the profile? I don’t want to bring it up too soon. Thanks!

January 5, 2013 at 12:16 pm
(79) Deirdre says:

Be cool for awhile. I met an awesome guy on line and his profile was still up after a few dates. Not wanting to appear insecure (seems men hate that), I just played it very cool and said nothing about it. He soon after deleted it. We are still dating and I must admit I have a peek now and then, and NOPE~ he is still not there :) I am very glad I did not jeopardize this new relationship by scaring him off by coming off possessive or insecure. And that is how I am letting this play out. I don’t text or call, he calls me. Consistently! All those self-help gurus are on to something when they say let the man come to you! Try it. You will be pleasantly surprised.

January 6, 2013 at 5:36 am
(80) utah33 says:

In my opinion, online dating profiles should be deleted immediately when starting a relationship. It just has the potential to cause way too many problems. I recently registered on a site that forces you to deactivate your profile when a relationship is started. Date2020.com If either one of you ends the relationship, your profile is reactivated. I really like this feature because you never have to guess if someone is still able to talk other people online.

January 31, 2013 at 4:16 pm
(81) MGutt says:

Hello,

This has backfired on me. After 3 weeks of seeing and talking to only 1 person, I deleted my account. A day later she called and asked where my account went. I told her that I deleted it as I was just interested in getting to know her and didn’t want the distractions. She came back with “I still want to see other guys”. I said that’s fine as I didn’t want to the one that she just settles for. Well, ever since then, her texts are short(but she still texts every morning), but no calls. I feel that I have scared her away? I shouldn’t be wondering IF I should call or text, right? I’m at a loss here. I thought I did the right thing. Apparently, not.

Mike(MN)

February 8, 2013 at 3:22 pm
(82) Candy says:

@Mike…you did the right thing. I mean I would be more than happy if a guy did that. That’s the normal thing to do.
But I think she is not serious. So it’s not you who did something wrong, it’s her who doesn’t want to commit.

She even said she still wants to see other guys. Fair play. So be prepared that you are not the only one and if she feels that you are serious maybe she will disappear. Only because it’s not what she wants. So again: not because you do something wrong.

Btw: I met a guy online and due to distance (I’m in Europe, he is in Canada) we couldn’t meet yet, but we’ve been talking since November every day. We are planning to meet in the summer.

Long story short, we said we are serious, we don’t want to date with others, we are committed to each other, bla bla, but he is still on that dating site, checks his msgs, etc.
When i told him it’s not ok with me and kinda hurts me, he said I have nothing to worry about, he doesn’t talk to anyone, he just checks his msgs, that’s all.
So I asked: then why keep it? Answer: cause what if things won’t go the way as we wanted.
I told him then you can still reactivate your profile. He didn’t say anything to that just changed the subject. So…I’m waiting and we will see.

But it’s pretty annoying :s

February 16, 2013 at 7:48 pm
(83) mysterylady says:

I dated a man from a website this past week, and he had many pictures of himself up at first (I’ve known him for some months now online) during the fall. We only spoke and left messages a few times. By mid January when I began talking to him directly online he had taken off some pictures, one of him was with another woman and he had blacked out her face. After our date this week, he took ALL of his pictures off but has not deleted his account. He seemed to like me and had asked me if I was interested in seeing him again and I said yes, but he hasnt called or messaged me yet. All I notice is the difference in the account he has. I wonder why this is? Any thoughts are appreciated.

February 22, 2013 at 2:26 pm
(84) Jenn says:

My question: How did my name get onto one of these places, and what does it take to get those people to take my name off their list?

The one spamming me is some slimepit called Olderwomendating.com – not a lot of brain power there – or they’re too stupid to understand the words “Not available.”

March 1, 2013 at 3:54 pm
(85) madison says:

I have been talking to guy on dating site for 5 months now, we have not met as yet. We started off with e-mail and then IM then phone calls, and now texting we spend many hours talking about everything. I found out a month ago he started back online, before that he went out of his way to tell me he not looking online, I confront him then he turn around and told me I was still on the dating site, why he should get off and that we have not met, He has talk about marriage and having children. He does not want me to have sex with other people or anyone touching me or me touching anyone. We went back and forth about this for awhile finally he said i had no time to meet him. But he is the guy he has not come up with a plan to meet when i bring it up he says in a couple of weeks it comes and go and after that he says nothing. I have to make plans because I work and go to school. The next day after the fight he text me saying good morning cutie, and the next day after Hey cutie he wanted to see if i was still mad at him. i forgave him but i don’t understand him he was calling me sexy all week calling me during the day, we had hot sexting and then he said he was falling asleep if we can continue this tomorrow. The next morning i
I send him a nice text I have not heard from him so I decided to check the dating site last night he was on there again he also is on on another dating site he was also there to. I am confused about this he even pose as a another guy to catch me if I will answer but I did not.he did this three times to see I will answer. he was stupid to send it to my business e-mail he was the only I give it too. He sends me tons of pictures of himself he always asking me to send him pictures of myself I even send him one on Sunday he responded back thanking me for sending it calling me sexy I don’t know what is his game. I need help with this. ing site I told him no I go there to delete e-mails and match-up that is all.

March 30, 2013 at 5:34 pm
(86) foxy lady says:

I met this wonderful guy about a month ago and we have been on different dates (hiking, dinner, movies, brunch, sex) about six times (not including sleeping over and spending the next day with him.) I have gone online a few times to see if he was on and it did say “active within the last 24 hours.” I would get that initial feeling of let down and confusion whenever I would see this, but this is so inconsistent with how wonderful he is with me, and the passion we share. I am not seeing anyone else, and although we have not spoken about this, I feel pretty confident that he is not either. He invited me out to meet his best friend and his best friend’s gf about a week ago, and they too had met online on the same site, and are coming up on their 1 year in the next few weeks. The best friend and his girl brought up how the awkward conversation they had when they mutually decided to close down their online accounts went well, and I could see that for them it was easy because they really were meant to work out long term. The guy I am seeing has been bringing up future plans to do activities with me, and how this or that will be fun when he takes me there. So I can only assume that this means he is taking dating me somewhat serious, especially if he is showing me off to his close friends.

March 30, 2013 at 5:38 pm
(87) foxy lady says:

Through watching my single friends nuke their relationships over and over again by pushing things too fast, I have come to determine that my personal preference is to not do what they do, and to rather wait 6 months at a max before addressing the bf status. By that time you should really know as to how you feel about the other person, and have established enough trust and communication to move forward together or not at all.
The best advice I can offer anyone, online or not, is to remember that you are a super fox, that a lot of people would kill to have a chance to date you. Past experience has shown me that my outgoing personality and confidence is what guys are attracted to, and when you play the insecure card, guys hate it and things get weird. I refuse to let his online dating activities (possibly still being on the site?) bring me down emotionally or screw up this relationship so early on, so I am staying confident and playing it cool. We will have the talk about bringing down the profiles when the time is right, and I am choosing not to worry about it. I mean think about it: if he is Mr. Right then things will fall into place. If not, then he is just not the guy for me. Remember you are a superfox!!!!!

April 19, 2013 at 11:58 am
(88) Ghilant says:

Online dating can be tricky. And dangerous at some point, but once you feel comfortable with the site and people there, everything goes smooth. The other problem is that its so hard to find decent website. I checked out dozens of sites and sadly I didnít work out for me. But now I am on globogirls.com and just met a girl from there. Those who are fans of Slavic women, then especially its heaven for you.

May 9, 2013 at 11:31 am
(89) MED says:

I need advice people. I met a guy a few times already from a dating website and we talk on the phone almost every night for hours. We have a very strong connection already. I can’t describe it. He has told me that he really likes me and the more time we spend together he’s going to like me more and more. He has already assured me he is not seeing anyone else. This is where I’m confused. He still goes on to the website and checks his messages. Hmmm help please?!!

May 26, 2013 at 8:23 am
(90) Knowledge is power says:

Okay, I am a man that believes when you ask somebody out for a date, whether you met them online or not, there is an active interest in starting a potential relationship. Most normal people want to meet just that “one somebody special.” However, with the internet, and all the crap that people go through today, although people want to commit, they have actually no desire to. Nowadays, there is always a backup plan, something better, or they just like to meet as many people as they can to feel fulfilled. It a self esteem issue folks. YOURS! Yes, there are wonderful people out there. However, most who date others after meeting the potential “one”, feel they are missing something else, something better. Yet, in each one of these newer dates, the non-committals, they merely jump from person to person to person. These are the people that I figure will end up by themselves and lonely. These are the people that will finally stop and think, “Why the hell am I alone?” Well, duh, you created the issue when you met the “one”, but passed him or her up to find the “something better”. In reality, you found the one, but while looking for something better, let the one go. When you always look for something better, guess what,. YOU’LL NEVER FIND IT! So, when you are alone, blame yourself. Our society is screwed up. Morals and ethics have changed the landscape folks. It’s not going to get any better. It is a “me” generation. It is a selfish generation. In turn, it breeds many issues later on in late. I am a one woman man. That means, I date ONE woman at a time. I get to know her, what makes her tick. When you have many opportunities waiting you cannot simply understand this.

June 6, 2013 at 11:17 pm
(91) Life is a game of chance says:

Hello everyone:

I am a Psychiatric RN by trade. Tonight I want to personally thank everyone for posting their issues. Why: Because over a month ago I met the most charming man on a dating site. We hit it off immensely. A month later, he tells me that I am “exclusive for now”! When I asked him what that meant, he said he was only seeing and talking to me.

We both hid our profiles after a couple of weeks. Then I found he was active on the site. After confrontation, I found out this to be the truth. So tonight I sent him 25 of your comments about: was it morally or ethically right to stay on the sight if you are “exclusive” with someone? After all, I agree isn’t it the sincere people’s intent to find that special partner? Well after he read the original comment site, I was sent a notice that he had promptly deleted his site. If he hadn’t done this, I was going to move on for my own self-preservation! After all, I like myself and deserve to be treated with courtesy and respect…don’t you?

As many of you posted, if he/she stays on the site after sharing intimacy, etc, then use your gut feeling and move on. A wise and dear friend once told me: “They’ll show you who they really are, you just need to be listening.” So if he/she is showing you who they really are, you need to be listening and then act accordingly. If you become upset, it’s ;probably because it is something they are doing that may not sit right with you. Stand your ground and state your cause.

So in conclusion, if you are upset about something, share your feelings with them. The key word is “communication”! If they don’t quite understand, then show them why you feel that way, they might not understand how much you care about the relationship. If need be do what I did and then see how they react. If they don’t get off, then move on…he/she is still out there waiting for you. ;]

Sincerely,

Sirena~

June 14, 2013 at 5:19 pm
(92) Confused-Girl says:

Met a great guy on eVow (supposed to be serious, long term only site).
-We exchanged numbers right away and he txts me daily all day long. -We get along famously and have plenty in common.
-We txt for one week non stop, then he left for trip to Cuba, txt’d me from Cuba a few times.
-Txt me as soon as he got home from airport.
-We went on our first date a few days after he returned. It was a great, comfortable date the lasted 7 hours yesterday.
-He text me after he got home and mentioned he’ll be putting me on his calling plan so we can talk on the phone.
-He seems really into me and we’re making plans to see eachother couple days next week and on following weekend.

So what’s the problem? For me it’s not that his dating profile is still there… as it is too soon to completely remove after 1st date and two weeks of txting BUT the problem is I KNOW he is initiating contact with other women even though he told me he wasn’t…. :(

So do I just wait patiently until he feels assured I am someone he’d like to exclusively date or is this the first red flag?

June 30, 2013 at 11:40 am
(93) JoeyJoe says:

Met a girl via an online dating site. Didn’t really correspond that much prior to meeting, which is how I like it (don’t truly think you can judge chemistry / compatibility until you meet in person).

Took things a bit slow – first kiss on date # 4, she had me meet a big group of her friends on date # 7 (which I initially thought was much too soon, but was also kind of flattered and viewed it as a good sign that she was viewing us as long term potential), and had sex on date #10. This was about a month and a half into it. Things seemed effortless – I wasn’t “chasing” all the time, she initiated communication, date ideas, etc. That night after date #10, I told her I was removing my profile and she said she was doing the same (and she did in fact do so).

Just a week later, she told me she has “commitment issues”. Despite that, we kept hanging out together for the next couple of months, mostly at my initiative, sometimes hooking up, sometimes not. Now she tells me not only is she struggling over whether or not she sees us as short or long term, she’s also not even certain whether she wants a romantic relationship or friendship. FML.

Lessons learned:

#1 – As a guy, I will NEVER be the one to volunteer that I’m taking down my profile. Let the girl bring that up, ask “what are we?”, etc. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. By telling her I was taking down my profile without any prompting on her part, I gave her my “commitment” too soon, and suddenly the “thrill”, the “chase”, and the “challenge” for her were gone.

#2 – When a girl says she has “commitment issues”…RUN!!!

July 15, 2013 at 5:01 pm
(94) Ashley says:

I have really enjoyed reading this blog post. I have recently met a guy online, been dating about two months and things have been wonderful. We find ourselves spending tons of time together. Driving up and seeing one another on our free time. We have been making attempts to see each other every week. I tried to bring up the dating exclusivly conversation one time prior because I simply like only dating one guy at a time, yet he kinda acted as if it was too soon. So I have now waited another two months with the hopes that he would bring it up on his own.Yet I constantly find him logging into his pof account. When I ask him about it he says that he just logs in to read the funny messages people send him, and that his phone keeps him logged in all day. Yet I find that hard to believe. I think after three months of dating and seeing each other all the time – it would be time to give up on the dating sites? But how do I bring this up without sounding insecure? Is it even worth mentioning? Help!

July 20, 2013 at 10:10 am
(95) Whatever says:

But what after dating someone for 2 years? When I found old dating sites over a year ago, I scoped out everything. Now a new one pops up. You want to trust , but sometimes it just makes you wonder. Everyone has a past, but when your being exclusive and giving up a lot in this ” exclusive” relationship, you just would feel better in not knowing that your boyfriend is still currently marketing himself.

July 23, 2013 at 10:25 am
(96) Lolita says:

We ‘ve been dating for just two weeks but we’ve seen each other daily. I stopped entering the dating site after the 3rd date cause I thought he was enough for me. One day last week I sent him messages on messenger while he was at work. we had the habit of chatting during his break. He wasn’t online and he didn’t reply to my offline. I thought he didn’t use his computer that day because he was busy but not busy enough to stay off the dating site (as I later found out). I didn’t want to seem weird so i kept quiet waiting for the right time. On Monday i told him i had checked his profile and seen he had been online on Sunday. he said he wasn’t that he was 2 days before just to change his status (to mention that now he is in a relationship) or just to read the mails he got. useless to say that i feel betrayed yet i haven’t mentioned him I checked him 5 day in a raw . As an excuse for him (i’m stupid i know ) i should say he wasn’t online for too long and he could not meet other girls as we went out daily, Part of me can’t forgive his lying part of me want to see if it’s worth continuing this relationship. what do you think?

August 10, 2013 at 11:25 pm
(97) augustine hinman says:

mine kinda different dating on line and texting and talking everyday then face time on our phone for 3 months he is owns his own truch he hauls heavy equipment across the USA lives out his truck with his big hound dog he contact me off pof well after r 4 month we became sexual involve even before we met we kept telling each other we love each other and not dating nobody else well after we met spent a weel together I told him I felt that we should delete our profile he said he had no problem doing it I hid minefor because earlier in the relationship before I met him he was log in a lot yeap email thing yeah but I watch how long too but anyways we had a fight about it before we met but I kept mine up because he did but we met and hit it off so why have it up he told me to keep mine up he don’t care that he trust me . but I hid it but he still on line everyday he says he not taking to no body just reading his email but it was funny when we was together for a week he never log on or checking his emails but he was on his phone a lot that day well I told him if your still looking what the hell you doing waistng my time loser woman or men never never in your life sleep with nobody until their profile off

September 22, 2013 at 6:59 am
(98) Joyous says:

I’ve been seeing a guy for 4 months after we met online. This weekend I’ve discovered he’s still online & updated photos that have been taken since we’ve met. I’ve set up a fake acc to see if he takes the bait. This hurts so much. He wanted to take it slow, meanwhile I discover this… I don’t understand while we’re slowly growing together he’s doing this. Please help!

October 7, 2013 at 11:41 am
(99) Jay (Essex England) says:

Some fantastic comments on here. One thing that no one has pointed out, is that dating rules are different from country to country so i’ve heard. In the U.S apparently its seen as ok for the man or woman to be dating say 3 people at a time, until they would in theory come to a decision who they are most suited to..or not.! The idea that that would be ok as ”the norm” in say England where i’m from, is a real no no.

It probably goes on with the other not being aware but its not considered acceptable. To me, you have a first date, maybe a second, and at least by a fourth date, you must have an idea of a potential relationship.! You would only multiple date, if you have a lack of trust or very short attention span in my view. Hard enough getting to know one, without confusing the issue. I;m about to go on a 2nd date after a great night last saturday, but the girl has been online sunday and monday, which is irritating to see the least. Ok it is soon, but at the same time, if you have made a 2nd date, with boy or girl (or both) still logging in – surely you’re losing focus, and it just seems silly to me.

November 17, 2013 at 4:16 pm
(100) Carly says:

I agree with a comment above that if you meet someone and you click and you make arrangements to see them again you’re obviously interested in that person. Why keep your profile on when all it’s going to do is distract you from putting 100% into making a potential relationship work. I’ve just walked away from someone who wanted to keep his profile on match … To me he was keeping his options open, if he can find someone better jog on!!! I will not be someone’s option when I can be someone’s priority!!

November 23, 2013 at 3:28 pm
(101) Elysium says:

I didn’t even think about it since the guy I’ve been dating has behaved so lovingly when we’re together, told me I’m “the one”, and told me he loved me, after less than a month together. But one day he told me about someone who had viewed his profile and then it started to bug me. It’s one thing to have a profile up that you never look at, but another to keep using it. Then others think you are actively seeking contact. His excuse was that he had paid for it and they would continue to send him matches and flirts even if he cancelled his subscription. It didn’t seem to matter to him that it bothered me. Personally, I remove any profiles online as soon as I become intimate with someone. I don’t think it’s fair to others looking for that special someone or to the person you are sharing a lot of time with-you are not giving the relationship the energy it deserves.

December 11, 2013 at 1:39 pm
(102) Matty7 says:

Knowing “when” to bring up the subject of deleting profiles is indeed tough. And ‘how’ to bring it up can be difficult as well. After dating for about 2 months, and becoming intimate, I simply told him “I don’t think anyone should be having sex with anyone active on a dating site” and I am going to delete mine to set an example.I’m not going to ask or tell you to, it will have to be your decision, and yours alone, and not under pressure. We’ll still go out and do all the stuff we’ve be having fun doing, but you’re not getting “any” until you delete.” He deleted it about ten minutes later while I was sitting right there.

December 30, 2013 at 9:45 am
(103) A player free zone says:

I agree with setting boundaries (sex) as well…and every woman dating online should too. If the guy wants to date other women…ok, I’m up for that..so let’s go for dinner, go to a movie..a hike etc…but sex should be out of the question. When was having sex with other people when you like someone ever considered acceptable? Yes, there are people who are in friends with benefits relationships…but this isn’t the topic we’re discussing here. I’ve met guys online who actually thought this way.
I’m not some car a guy can test drive for a few months and then decide he likes the other model better. If you’re properly dating someone and being intimate…then yeah…it’s time to take the profile down. If you’re in a new relationship like this with a man (or woman) and they’re hesitant to take their profile down…Run! They can’t possibly be that serious about you..they may like you a lot..but not enough. They’ll make it look like you’re being unreasonable by expecting exclusivity so early in the relationship…..but they’re the same types who consider it unreasonable for you to be upset when you’re married to them and you catch them flirting/texting/emailing others of the opposite sex. Before Internet dating, I wouldn’t have involved myself relationship wise with a guy that had a billboard up on the street corner inviting women to contact him…so why do it now? If the ad is still up and they’re logging on…that’s an invitation to be contacted..period!

January 28, 2014 at 10:23 am
(104) Paul says:

Very interesting posts.
I am a gay man and I have been dating another guy for 3 weeks. We hit it off straight away and have seen each other twice a week. There is intimacy but as yet no full on sex. We kiss and hug and hold hands. He says he loves me though I am not sure of his definition of love – I guess it means he feels warmth.
He was going online up to date 4 and we spoke at date 4 and agreed we were a couple. I also mentioned that I don’t go on the dating website when I am dating someone and he said he is the same.
After date 6 he is going online a lot – I mean yesterday, he was online for most of the day!
I am going to speak to him about it in a gentle but frank way. I will ask him why he is going online – if it is to meet another guys than that it not what I am looking for. To be honest, there isn’t really a good reason for going online which I would accept so it will not be an easy question.
Basically…. I am going to say…tell me where you are at with “us”, be honest and then I will make a decision what to do. I will not continue to date someone that is going online. It is just not in my moral code.
If someone is going on line still, to me it demonstrates a lack of true interest.

February 23, 2014 at 9:26 pm
(105) MZL-10 says:

“Online Now/Active Within” status field indicates how recently a member has used various Match.com services. This status field is updated under these circumstances:

ēThe member has signed into the site
ēThe member has accessed their Match.com by Mail messages in their registered email address
ēThe member has sent or replied to Match.com messages from their registered email address

Generally speaking, if “Online Now” is indicated, the member has performed one of the actions above within the last hour. “Active Within” displays the time since the member has used one of the services in hours, days or weeks.

I recently experienced the profile issue. Take it down or leave it up. I began dating a woman, (her definition), via on-line dating. Slow and steady progress eventually leading to intimacy. Personally, I knew I wanted to see her and only her so my profile came down after the third date. I never gave a thought whether she took hers down. After 6 months of dating, I was bragging to friends about my girl. One friend jokingly pointed out how he just saw my girl on-line. We laughed, but then actually checked. Not only was she ON on-line, but she had new pictures posted. I pasted the info from the web-site above for others to see. I heard every excuse in the book when I confronted her. Bottom line, trust your gut. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck………..

February 27, 2014 at 5:55 am
(106) MZL-10 says:

Hi MZL-10,
I read your post with interest.
I am interested to know what you did after your conversation with her.
I personally think it is unacceptable to continue to go online when dating someone after it is obvious the two are in a mogonomous relationship.
I am still having issues with this and I am going to suggest we both take our profiles down.

March 8, 2014 at 1:35 am
(107) Lynn says:

I have had to remove my profiles just because of the responses I get assuming that I want one night stands even though my profile clearly states otherwise. Also, I have dated several guys that it seemed extremely important to them that I remove my profile if I even wanted second date. Then, shortly after, the dates turn South. Therefore, I have gone through the trouble of removing profile for nothing. My personal opinion is that if you feel like they are actively being on the site, you feel like they are still open to possibilities. Communication is the key to any relationship, you need to say your feelings & make your decisions based on the physical actions they take on the matter.

March 17, 2014 at 10:30 am
(108) fairy says:

I recently gone back to online dating after a break up with my ex boyfriend. I found a guy online and wrote to him. We exchanged phone numbers soon and started chatting. In his text he said I was beautiful and I think he is falling in love with me because of my inner beauty. Later I found out that he hide his online profile. I wonder if he hide it because of me or any other reasons. Shall I hide mine as well? We just text and chatted on the phone a few times.

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