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Bonny Albo

How Long Do You Wait To Have Sex?

By January 8, 2013

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A handful of reader questions of late have focused on sex: when to have it, what frequency is normal, and what to do if one partner isn't into it. Coupled with some recent research study findings that women are seeking more casual dating relationships, and

another poll I conducted not that long about about whether or not readers were more interested in a cup of tea or sex after a first date, I was left wondering just how long singles and couples (in general) wait to have sex.

Take the poll and let me know, but I'm also curious to hear your reasoning. Why do you wait or take the plunge early on? Does it depend on the relationship or the person you're dating? Has it evolved as you've gotten older, and is that evolution because of mere chronology, societal/peer pressure, or something else entirely?

Related: Can Casual Sex Become a Relationship?, Thirty Percent of Online First Dates for Women End With Sex, Says Study.

Comments
January 3, 2009 at 4:26 pm
(1) Anne Yo says:

It can be a relationship but I don’t think that it can last that long if it’s based only in that aspect. Women in particular, in my opinion should be careful enough when meeting anyone during a first date whether it is online or not.

December 1, 2011 at 12:48 am
(2) chinny says:

I strongly believe sex in a relationship other than marriage is wrong. No matter how intimate u may get,if u are not married,God doesn’t approve of physical intimacy of sort. I’ve practised this for yrs;it worked with most of the guys that wanted to settle down with me but didn’t work with those that just wanted sexual relationship. Hugging and kissing can happen between people with good self control.

December 1, 2011 at 4:10 am
(3) ben nigeria says:

In my opinion, if we are really going to take the relationship further I mean we really want to make something out of it, I believe sex is inevitable, it is not just a tool for fun but a magnum that seals and enhance the bond of any relationship, it should also be understood that some people love sex, and I am part of those, so since I love sex (not making obsession here) and I would love to have it, then I want to have it from my-wife-to-be, that’s my idea of sex in a relationship, it does not matter if it is a first date or something, what matters is individual goal, am I going to make love to you and after that we part ways? Or after sex we continue our journey of love? So to me it is goal! And we should not judge forgeting some biblical implication which suggest do it when you get married, so since one can’t hold it till you get married, pick a partner not a sex slave and move along…. If there is not going to be sex, there a serios committment should surfice and trust.

January 6, 2009 at 4:19 pm
(4) Ms. Melissa says:

I had a relationship that lasted a year with a guy that I had sex with on first date but we had been friends for about two months prior to the date.

January 11, 2009 at 6:55 pm
(5) zofia_life_coach says:

I believe the longer he has to wait for it the better. That usually makes him think that the woman he got is a very special one. Its like a little boy who needs to work the whole summer holiday to buy his bike finally when he gets that he appreciate and cares about this bike more then the boy who gets his bike as a present from his parents

January 25, 2009 at 6:32 pm
(6) ls says:

I wait 8 dates or 2 months,whichever comes first.Though Most of the time I get dumped by the 5th date.

September 24, 2009 at 4:10 pm
(7) worththewait says:

I have waited and was dumped after the 5th date because I wouldn’t have sex. He said it was a way of communicating. He wasn’t worth communicating with I guess. I think if you have sex quickly you will be perceived as having sex with a lot of the opposite sex and loose their respect. Wait until you really feel this person truly cares for you. Besides sex..it will be making love.

September 25, 2009 at 4:01 pm
(8) Molly says:

I am 20 and have never been kissed. But I’m not necessarily waiting until I’m married…the answer I really wished to give was not an option. I just want to be in love. You can’t put a timeline on love. I put “when we get engaged” because hopefully we will be engaged when we love each other that much and will spend the rest of our lives together.

I think its sad that other women have sex so soon these days because it seems to have changed the standards of dating. I thought for the longest time that maybe something was wrong with me because I’ve never even kissed a man, but finally I realized I don’t think the problem is me. With such an ample supply of women who will have sex so much more casually, even on the first date, it gives us classier girls a harder time finding guys. Why would they want to take the time to get to know me when they can get what they really want from so many other girls? I really hope the standards change as I (and the men around me) get older because I would love to be in love but I’m not willing to sacrifice issues that are important to me. I hope that there are others out there who feel the same because the number of percentages so early in the relationship is depressing me. You cannot possibly know each other well enough and be in love with someone you’ve only known 3 months. Sorry.

January 19, 2011 at 4:54 pm
(9) caight says:

@Molly – good for you. Respect yourself and do what is right for you. There is nothing more lovely in a woman than confidence and self-respect. I hope when my 11 yo girl is a young woman she has the degree of respect for herself that you express. A good man will value you.

September 15, 2011 at 7:48 pm
(10) Eddie says:

Finally I hear someone that has self respect, so many casual sex and fwb out there.

January 23, 2010 at 10:41 am
(11) Jesse says:

Molly, I think your comment speaks to your naiveté. While I do agree that people should wait until they are in love to consummate their relationship, the time line for love happens differently for different people. I would venture to say that if I spent every day for a month with someone, I would know them pretty well. I may not know every detail about the person, but I would have a good understanding of the basic tenets of their character. I have been in love with someone by the three month mark, and I’m sure others have as well. The way society is should not depress you. There are men who are looking for a wholesome girl like you. They may not be as abundant as those men who will have sex on the 1st date, but you just have to be patient.

February 10, 2010 at 12:52 am
(12) Sexlover says:

Having sex by the third date is l great I just take sex because my man barley wants to that is y I go to men stripper places I have sex two or three times a week with strippers and oce a Monte or once every two months with my bf

February 11, 2010 at 9:24 pm
(13) Cassie says:

I’m 20, and will reach the three month mark with my first boyfriend next week, so this question has been coming to mind often recently.

When I was younger, I was convinced that people should be virgin brides in almost all circumstances. A mixture of coming to college, hearing about friends’ relationships, and reading books or stories or just plain information on the topic has lead me to believe that it’s, at the very least, unlikely. When talking with my friends last summer, I assessed the question, and my response from my beliefs had changed to “When you’re comfortable with the idea.” Now, ‘being comfortable with having sex’ can be at a different place for everyone, and I can’t say that I’m completely comfortable when I hear about other peoples’ relationships, especially the more casual they are, but at the same time, I think most people do know when it’s all right for them to have sex, simply because it’s a different level of importance for different people. As long as they won’t regret having had sex, no matter how the relationship turns out, I think they have reached the point where it’s okay.

Does the idea of having sex with my boyfriend any time in the conceivable future still weird me out? Yes, yes it does. Will I wait for marriage? Possibly, but I no longer consider it necessary, or even expected.

February 13, 2010 at 7:25 pm
(14) Lena says:

I’m 19, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, but we’ve not yet had sex. In fact, the “L” word has not been dropped from either of us. I know it varies from person to person, but whatever. If you’ve known someone for 3 months, that’s more than likely not love. You’re just in the moment. That feeling could easily pass, so why waste yourself that way? Wait until you’re absolutely ready. I do love sexual gratification, but I’ve never had intercourse because it’s a completely different level in any relationship. If they’re worth your time, you’re worth their waiting until you’re ready. It’s something I plan to be sure about wanting to remember forever as my first time. And you’d better bet that means being completely in love with someone who I know loves me, as well.

February 25, 2010 at 9:59 am
(15) Aden Ford says:
March 6, 2010 at 3:55 pm
(16) Think of it says:

Think of this

Case 1

male and the female at age 20 the female says wait till marriage. The man waits for 5 years… then the girl meets a new man breaks the first… wants to get married at age 26… loses her virginity… to a man he only knew for 1 year…

Case 2

Male and Female at age 23, female said wait till I have no obligations left to my family. Carrer type female then at about 1 to 2 years waiting the girl got pregnant because her officemate got there first… or if not she had a fling that you don’t know about. Pity

My point don’t waste your time for so long if it did not turn out the way you wanted to it will be very dissapointed and hard to move on…

Woudnt that be unfair to the first man ?

June 17, 2010 at 1:29 am
(17) Anthony says:

Molly hang in there. You’ll find that there are guys out there that want to wait untill they are truely in love with some one I’m one of those types of guys. Sex is a special bond to be shared with some one you truly love I am commited to waiting I had a girl turn down dateing me a few months ago when I told her I wanted to wait she obivously wasn’t right for me. So my advice is wait and hang in there.

July 12, 2010 at 2:17 pm
(18) Haley says:

I’ve been in a relationship for not quite a month. I’m still a virgin but my bf isn’t. He wants to have sex but knows it won’t be till I’m ready. He already tells me he loves me but I told him I can’t say it back yet. He knows he will have to wait awhile. Plus I am younger and alot less experienced than him. How long do u think he would wait for me?

March 13, 2011 at 4:50 pm
(19) jennifer says:

My advice would be to wait until you feel like someone cares for you, and is interested in you as a person. If not, sex is dull, and men are very selfish, just want to get down to business. I am sure there are women out there who will tell me that they have had passionate one night stands, or sex early on, but for me itīs been cold and unsatisfying. Once you feel comfortable with someone, itīs the right time.

May 1, 2011 at 12:47 pm
(20) Rei says:

My reasons for waiting to have sex are very different from the ones described above. I have found, in my experience, that men are VERY prone to attachment. I am not ready to be in a relationship at all, so I go on plenty of dates but avoid sex and intimacy at all costs because that is exactly what makes men assume you are in an exclusive relationship with them. Society loves to talk about the male tendancy towards desiring sex Above all else. While this is true to a degree, men also have a pretty strong tendency to “mark their territory”.

I say as a woman this is entirely your call. Only have sex when you’re comfortable with it, whether that be on the first night or on your wedding day. You don’t owe the guy anything.

On a side note I have dated men who didn’t even try to kiss me until the fourth date and I have to say, I find that exceptionally intriguing. Guys, if you want to stand out to women, control your urges. Women will find it mysterious and even sexy.

August 19, 2011 at 2:10 am
(21) Xoxolover says:

Hey.
So my bf and i have been together for about a month.
I’m fifteen and he is 17. I’ll be 16 in February.
I want to wait until I’m 16 because that seems like a decent ageto make love.
And we have talked about it. And I feel ready, but I’m scared that I might regret it.
But I feel ready and yeah.
And I dont want to make him wait.
I most likely will do it when I turn 16…
Advice please?
:)

August 24, 2011 at 9:01 am
(22) Tom says:

Generally I don’t even bother hitting on girls I just get drunk and then chicks hit on me and I slay everything between a mut and a pin up. I don’t really care who I’m having sex with when I’m single just as long as I don’t have to wait too long between shags. I only settle down with girls who are an 8/10 or higher, at the moment I have a great girl she hardly talks and is smoking hot. I know this makes me an ass hole but I do treat her like a princess I take her out to dinner every night we spend together, fly her to places she’s never been, give her massages whenever she’s sore the whole nine yards all this because she meets the criteria perfectly but I never wait more than 2 nights/dates to have sex and I have never had a girl want to wait longer and I’m sure I’ve slept with more than your average. Is that strange?

November 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm
(23) Marisol says:

OMG! u r such a jerk

December 30, 2011 at 10:27 pm
(24) I.Only.Count.$.&.Touch.Honies. You Know, Regular Stuff says:

I am 27 years old, and have never been married, but what I have done is had casual sexual relationships with 15 different divorced women in their 30s or 40s, most were mothers.

I usually meet all these women the same way, but older women are almost always curious in discovering the way I have sex with women, because they all can tell I am that guy. First dates are not first dates, they are almost always a celebration of lust and pleasure, not feelings and emotions. These women typically love and engage in more erotic and wild sexual escapades than women who are in their teens and twenties.

I am the man that has sex had sex with 100s of women, many are girls and women that other guys wish, dream, and and fantasize about, and when they are divorced older women, our Casual Sexual Experiences we have with each other are what people watch in porn.

I am the guy that has model looks, college level athletics, ivy level intelligence, and what has been described many times a a ‘perfect’ penis. This means I am the guy that the Beautiful and suddenly adventurous Ex-Wife, of the Miserable and Freshly Divorced Ex Husband, has been fantasizing about having sex with for years, many of them she spent married. The Ex Husband who is watching their children repeatedly calls her phone while we engage in very passionate raw sex in the backseat of her small SUV just 60 minutes after meeting! The first session was so enjoyable and satisfying that we both decided it was in our best interest to drive 40 minutes to my place instead of her picking up her children. Once we arrive at my place it seemed children were very much in her plans but not the two who were with her ex. More on that in a minute though. where we had a second session that was quite memorable.

January 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm
(25) Melz says:

If I am intrested in getting know that person that I will make him wait, If I could care less if I ever speak to you again..Then if the mood is right and we click, then I might just give in..But like I said I could care less if I never heard from that person again, because I wasn’t intrested in getting you know you..

January 20, 2012 at 3:21 pm
(26) Audrey says:

I believe in abstinence until marriage and so my soulmate and I haven’t had sex yet. We’re planning on getting married in May and then we’ll explore that last aspect of our relationship. We connected on so many levels– spiritually, mentally, and creatively, so I anticipate a very fulfilling sex life.

January 27, 2012 at 6:33 am
(27) Petra says:

I didn’t end up sleeping with my husband until after like a dozen dates because I thought he was special. But all the while I was still having sex with my old boyfriend. Hubby now knows and thinks it’s a touching story.

January 28, 2012 at 8:23 pm
(28) Really!? says:

So you were cheating on your husband the whole time you were getting to know him… touching, indeed.

February 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm
(29) Oyindamola(nigeria) says:

Good for u audrey.Am 16 and still a virgin though my boyfriend of few months wants sex but am not ready for that kind commitment not until i see a wedding ring on my finger.

February 22, 2012 at 2:32 am
(30) Emily says:

Me and my bf have been friends for almost 2year and we have just started to date. He has always made it known that he wanted to be more then friends but I was not ready and was still hung up on my ex. We have been dating for little over a month and want to know is it to soon to have sex? We are still trying to get out of that friendship stage so do u think having sex would help that?

May 25, 2012 at 10:54 am
(31) mike says:

it makes me sad when i hear women say they make a guy wait for ( insert generic reason here ) . i believe there is only one reason a woman should have sex , because she wants to !

when a woman says she thinks a man will lose respect for her if she has sex with him on the first date i say this , do you really want to be with a man who respects you or doesnt respect you based on when you had sex with him ? seriously you should definitely strive for more . i would lose respect for a woman who has some generic timeframe for sex . to me that signifies that she has no self confidence and is completely fake . that she would deny herself and lie to the guy she hopes to have a relationship with about who she really is .

May 25, 2012 at 11:01 am
(32) mike says:

MELZ , let me get this straight …. if you dont want to get to know a guy you have sex . if you do want to get to know a guy you dont have sex .

first , what kind of backwards , retarded , nonsensical , way is that to decide if you have sex with a guy ?

second , shouldnt you have sex with a guy if and only if YOU want to have sex with a guy ?

third , i wonder how many great guys you had sex with because you didnt want to get to know them ?

June 23, 2012 at 12:54 am
(33) Rachael says:

I think it’s ridiculous to wait until you get married, especially for those who do not believe in divorce. First of all, what happens if you get married and “get to know each other” sexually, and you aren’t compatible? What if the guy is in to some really unusual stuff, and you just want to have normal sex so you can have kids? Then you’re both miserable and fighting about it. And you can’t get divorced, because you think that’s just as wrong as the sex-before-marriage thing.

Second of all, I know exactly one person…ONE….who successfully made it to marriage without having sex…despite the fact every single one of my friends claimed it was immoral/wrong for religious or personal reasons. The rest of them all either moved in with significant others or admitted to secretly having sex. And the one person that did make it? Her boyfriend cheated on her and slept with another girl when he changed his mind about waiting and his girlfriend wouldn’t change hers.

Sex is a really important part of choosing someone to spend your life with. And I think it’s ridiculous to say you can’t love someone after x-amount of time and therefore shouldn’t have sex with them until then. When you know its right for you, then go for it. Personally, I waited about a month or so because of a lot of peer pressure NOT to do it. It’s been six years since then and we’re still happily together. But we were over 18 and therefore more mature, and that’s important! If we were 15 or 16 it would have been less of a good idea. But people get so caught up on whether sex is right or wrong…just do what makes you happy!

June 24, 2012 at 6:37 am
(34) Mark says:

In terms of marriage, my opinion is it is nonsense because how many religions there are there, and who to say what one is right? All with their own code of ethics (wont get into that), and most just hide behind it because they’re scared for whatever reason; be it pregant, infection, sickness, attachment, sorrow, parent disaproval, (God) disaproval, or what have you. Also FYI, 87% of men will just masterbate, ifa woman wants to keep them waiting, so they’re not really (pure). Also dry humping? That’s just trying to find a loophole to the “rule.” Think God approves of loop holes?

Now, to those who hold it as a tool of men, or the “power” maybe if one has seen theirselves go through many men over the years, it’s not them it’s the woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying sleep on the first date or something like that. But some is utter nonense to me, 6 months, even a year or more? And then tthe man leaves and women think it’s because they didn’t want to get to really know you? What are you? The longest story book in history? Sure you can always learn something new about someone from time to time, but bloody Hell get realstic! If one can’t get to know enough about someone in 3 months, they’re not trying, or not compatiable. Then if one STILL doesn’t know enough after a year, well I truely don’t know what to say to that. Stop treating sex as if holding it utterly long will net the perfect match. That’s why to me it is utter rubish too me, and sexless relationship is like putting Unleaded Gas in a Super Car. You can drive it, but it wont go very far, or last very long will it? My last point to be made is, it is statisticly proven that relationships that have an active, and regular sex life, last well beyond any “dry” relationship.

July 13, 2012 at 6:45 am
(35) guest says:

Waiting is not for everyONE. Some people wait some people can’t. I believe that you can fall in love in the course of a short time. And also, maybe you’ve noticed but you have to keep you man grounded and stable in the bed room. Im not giving anyone a specific time. But if your eager to meet, talk, and have sex with your partner go ahead. Everyone is different. But I have a feeling that mollys just going to meet an old crud in the bed. When you talk and think to much about a specific partner you start to have high expectations of them. So when your in bed and you realized he can’t please you like the next man it’ll bee to late. Because you ELOPED!!

August 17, 2012 at 6:26 pm
(36) laurie says:

I started dating a wonderful guy a couple of months ago.. early on in the relationship things started getting hot and heavy, and heading towards sex one night. I said no. And he passionately kissed me and said he was so glad I said no. What a beautiful moment..
But, point is, we both liked each other so much that neither of us wanted to ruin our growing connection with sex too early. Neither one of us wanted it to become a purely physical relationship, so we waited until a strong emotional and intellectual connection came to the forefront. I can’t imagine doing it any other way.

September 26, 2012 at 10:38 pm
(37) Aly says:

My boyfriend and i were great friends before we started going out. I have known him for 6 months and have liked him for a long time and he has always liked me for a long time and almost 2 months ago he finally worked up the courage and asked me out and we have been doing great. he tells me he loves me and i tell him i love him and i am starting to think about having sex with him but im not sure if i should or not. i want to and it feels right but im worried that its going to ruin the relationship. What should i do? advice please :)

December 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm
(38) N says:

Me and my other half waited for about three months until we first had sex. I was a virgin in all aspects until we started date ing.
I wouldnt realy say that we moved too fast. We spent alot o time together, an realy got to know each other before hand. Most people will say that you can love some one in just three months. But i could prove u rong on that. I love my other half and wan to marry them, and i can say that its truthfull not about sex.
I believe you need three things to have a long lasting good relationship.
1: they need to be a great friend.
2:an interesting companion
3: and an awsome lover
Those are my thoughts on the subject but honestly thats just me.
PS. Im 15, and a female. I know what im talking about.

January 10, 2013 at 2:33 am
(39) Simon says:

Clap your hands.

January 14, 2013 at 7:00 pm
(40) Dolores Cabana says:

My name is Dolores Cabana and I’m from Cebu. For me scamming is okay. it’s my job. I steal men’s money over the internet coz they thought I’m going to show them my body once they send money to my account. I love scamming so much!

January 17, 2013 at 12:13 pm
(41) Jermaine says:

I have a 5 date rule for those I am interested in pursuing things further with. And I usually let them know up front, that it will be at least 5 dates – that way we get to know each other before the fun and excitement of sexy times gets in the way. Because for most women the intimacy and closeness of sex can cloud our judgement, at least that is true for most of my friends and myself.

February 16, 2013 at 3:55 pm
(42) Kelly says:

11 years ago I had sex with my husband on our first date. It was unprotected sex in which he did not wear a condom and I was not of any type of birth control and he did not pull out of me when he came. I did not get pregnant but not until 2 years later.

April 1, 2013 at 11:13 pm
(43) Megan says:

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a month, not very long, and we’ve had intimacy between the two of us within this month but my answer was 6 months give or take, but honestly I think more along the lines of a year which wasn’t an option. I mean you can’t put a timeline on sexual intimacy and tendencies of a relationship. To me it’s just important to already be closely attached and deep in a relationship, not time wise but feeling wise. It varies due to situations etc but to me a year sounds appropriate for sex. I mean me and my boyfriend have just started to have sexual and intimate interactions with each other and it’s only a month and that’s okay, I feel that it’s brought us closer together, and it’s opened him up because he’s kind of just an awkward butterfly haha but its opened him up more. We’re really close and I feel like this helped our relationship grow. Sex is completely different to me, to me it isn’t even a matter of when to have sex, it’s a matter of when we should create the bond of making love. That’s the way I look at it at least. But everyone has their own perspective of it and their own decisions to make. This is just the way I look at it.

April 14, 2013 at 10:18 am
(44) Kristina says:

To love and be truely loved is waiting with patience b/c no matter how long it takes that person would wait forever just to be in your arms. Some random guys will say wat they think will trick you to get down your pants but when you’re truely inlove even tho the trust is already there still waits patiently and do wat needs to be done to make things the right way b/c

he knows u r worth it and she knows he is. You will feel it deep down. Its not just coming from the physical body you will feel it in the soul.

April 15, 2013 at 2:29 pm
(45) Jane says:

There is no right or wrong answer to this question, the right answer is when both people are ready to.

May 17, 2013 at 10:41 pm
(46) marcus says:

My name is marcus and me and my girl been going out for like two years and we had sex real early in are relationship and when been going strong for like a year and a few months until around like last november she told we wont be having sex That much because, she to focus on school and i was like ok i understand but, come to find out four months later she tells me its her religion and she want to wait until she get married and now it Middle of may so, i waited about 6 months with no sex and now we on the verge of breaking up because i told her im not waiting to we married to have sex

June 13, 2013 at 10:06 pm
(47) Hawkeye says:

A number of the comments suggest the female makes the male wait (for whatever reasons) before allowing him to have sex with her.

That implies the male receives the pleasure the female provides, only.

Doesn’t sound right, does it?

Women/Girls – WhenEver you are ready, make sure part of the planning includes showing your partner what is needed to please You.

There will then be more of you who are as eager to begin the life-affirming experience as your men are.

June 23, 2013 at 6:22 pm
(48) Laura says:

Friendly reminder to all on here that people who have sex often, or “casually”, are not beneath you. Just because you’re a virgin or have only had sex with a person that you’ve known for a long time does not make you classier or a better person. Everyone has their own life and they can decide to live it any way that they wish – just because you choose to live your life in a specific manner like this does most definitely NOT mean that you’re better than other people who don’t.

Also, let’s refer to Molly’s comment: “With such an ample supply of women who will have sex so much more casually, even on the first date, it gives us classier girls a harder time finding guys”. This is simply not true. There is an ample supply of men in the world who are not just looking for immediate sex in a relationship. It’s demeaning to men to think that all of them who are worth having relationships with are being taken from you by women who are willing to have sex quickly. This makes them sound like brainless, sexually-driven pigs who have no thought for anything in women other than sex. Molly, yours is what seems to be a personal problem – I suggest getting off of your high horse and going out to meet some real men.

July 14, 2013 at 4:26 pm
(49) just me says:

In this situation, I’ve been married for over 20yrs. I recently divorced 4 yrs ago. I’ve been dating and doing all the things people do after they are ready to get out there
But a few friends and I went on a minI trip and had met blast. I met someone early Sunday morning after being out at the clubs.

I am 44 at my peek, so I didn’t wait….we danced talked most of the night and we hit it off great. We are still un communication and he’s moving to Austin.I’m in Houston..yay us

July 29, 2013 at 9:27 am
(50) jane says:

The last person I had sex with, we did it on our 2nd date. It was supposed to be a fling, but lasted 5 years. During that time, I learned that my horniness is directly correlated to how well the relationship is going. Case in point, for the last year of our relationship, we were having sex about once every couple months. Now I’m 26 and newly single and starting to date casually. Ive been on 3 dates with someone, and I’m starting to think about sleeping with him. I haven’t really dated casually before, since I was just starting to get into that scene when I met my last boyfriend, so I asked my friends’ advice about how long to wait. They all said: when it feels right. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but after making a little bit of headway in the physical arena with this new guy, I know that I cant sleep with him yet. Just kissing him makes me nervous. Honestly, I wasn’t even this anxious losing my virginity! Don’t get me wrong. He makes me unbelievably turned on, but as soon as things start getting physical, I run away (figuratively). Which is really strange because i’ge never been the shy type when it comes to sex. So I guess the “right time” would be when I’m turned on without the nausea-inducing nervousness.

September 9, 2013 at 6:04 pm
(51) Vancity says:

I had my first boyfriend when I was 21. He is the same age as me. He says he was a virgin, but off-handed comments made me realized that he has done everything, but sex, with his ex-es. After 6 years of just foreplay, things got pretty boring. When I asked for more, he said he didn’t want to risk having a kid.

I think I got tired of waiting for nothing – no end goal. He never said he loved me in the 6 years. We never talked about marriage. He had never invited me to his family events. He didn’t invite me to his university graduation. He would go out with his ‘girl friends’, take cozy pictures with them and never tell me. It still hurts when I think about him and how bad the relationship was.

Thing is, after 4 years of breaking up with the ex, I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and adores me know BUT I still miss my ex, who had denied my physical and verbal love. I really did love that guy….but was too scared of giving him my heart because he didn’t give me his heart or tried to enhance our 6 year relationship. It was a good 6 years learning experience – painful, heartbreaking, but an experience.

September 13, 2013 at 7:27 am
(52) Nikki says:

What I don’t understand is woman that have one night stands without a second thought, but when they want a boyfriend they make them wait?

If sex is that special to them, why even have a one night stand in the first place?

So in my experience, I’ve had two boyfriends, 3rd time meeting them I had sex with them.

I’ve had one rebound one night stand which I regret drunk.
I’ve had a one night stand I choice to have, which I was happy about but drunk.
And I’ve had another one night stand I was to drunk to remember, Which I regret obviously.

If I wanted a boyfriend, I’d at least like to go on a few dates first before sex, it feels right to me after the 3rd, if the guy comes onto me. I wouldn’t like it on the first date sober I’d say no, but if the chemistry is there after the first couple of dates i don’t see a problem? If i feel it could work out?

Is this the wrong way to think?

October 15, 2013 at 9:51 pm
(53) Theresa says:

I know many wont agree with me cause i read most of the comments left here but a few people asked for advice on when to have sex and I think there are so many Great, Great things that come with waiting until you’re married to have sex. It isnt a easy thing to do which is why most don’t wait but, for a woman especially, it brings so much security to the relationship. Also, its fun to learn and grow together. You wont be unsatisfied by a man who isnt sexually experienced…u wont know the difference and neither will he:) Some people say u need to test things out first to make sure everything is compatible…… At some point in every relationship (married or not) things are not compatible. That’s why it’s nice having that marriage commitment, you figure it out and work through it, especially if kids are involved. For me, waiting until i was married turned out to be the best decision….and I’ve never regreted it.

December 17, 2013 at 1:25 am
(54) Amy says:

We dated about 4 years and we were 60s kids and never had sex before marriage. Things were different back then!
When we married we did have sex on our wedding night, it was nothing I would brag about. He hated sex with me and I was told I and sex was a waste of time. To him it was disgusting, messy, smelly, gross and nasty plus he couldn’t understand how any one could do some thing so horrible to another human. He refused to go on our honey moon instead we went home and with out saying anything he moved his stuff to the basement, and here it is 45 years later and he still lives down there. He has no friends, has no TV, radio, phone , computer no communication with the outside world. Hes not gay or into porn, no one would want to be with him, long straggly beard, and past shoulder length hair. Also old holey 60s clothes. Looks like ancient hippy, who is lost in a time warp.

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