Linds asks: "I was in a relationship with a guy 14 years younger than me - I'm 37 and he's 23. He adored me, the sex life was great and he was the one who was always saying he loved me and that he wanted to be with me forever. I also have a 6 year old boy but he felt that wasn't a problem.
Suddenly, four months into the relationship he started saying that he wasn't good enough for me that he wasn't good at relationships. Of course he still loved me and it was nothing to do with my wee boy, although he did state he was not ready to be a family. Interestingly, I have never mentioned us being a family and was certainly not looking for it, although I had always stated that I came as a package with my son an my son always came first. He said that was never a problem and went so far as to praise me as a mum.
Anyway. Now wants us to see each other but with no commitment and no relationship - although there would still be sex. Neither of us would see anyone else but if someone came along for me he wouldn't stand in my way. I don't know what to do because I do love him deeply and thought we might have a future but never mentioned it to him. What do I do?"
Linds, I think this might be a situation of too much, too soon. Four months isn't a long time to be in a relationship, much less "love him deeply" or have your six-year-old involved. What it IS time for however is for both of you to review the relationship and see if it has legs - meaning, if it can go the distance. The 4-6 month mark is about where most folks start thinking about this.
This might sound harsh, but it sounds like your relationship has run its course. Your ex-boyfriend has thought about what's next, and he's made it clear he's not ready to be a family man and only wants a casual sex (yet committed) relationship with you now. Thing is, you can't go back, and it isn't your fault that he has realized (quite suddenly) that its not the life he's ready for.
My recommendation? Don't agree to his terms. You want a relationship - and there's nothing wrong with that. But right now, he doesn't. Let him know that you'll think of your time together fondly, but that a casual sex relationship isn't something you are ready for at this time in YOUR life. Then, break contact with him for a bit. Take some time to mourn what you had, learn from the breakup, and find some new ways to make yourself feel good. Then, in a month or two - if the relationship was only a few months old anyway - its time to brush yourself off and start dating again. Try reading Love in 90 Days (conservative thinking but a ton of fun) or The Four Man Plan (could offend some readers but refreshing and practical) for concrete ideas and tactics to get you back on your dating feet again.