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Bonny Albo

Is He Always Going To Think Of Me As The Crazy Girl?

By January 27, 2013

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Rani asks: My best friend got me and her childhood friend to start talking, but he lives 6 hours away from me and I've never met him. He told her initially he's not looking for a girlfriend, which was cool because I figured we could be friends. We talked for hours on the phone. For 4 months we were close. Then he started saying things like, I can't wait to see you, you're so interesting, you're my best friend. That got me really excited, and I thought maybe he meant as more than just friends.

I'd planned to meet him at a wedding near his place as a friend of mine had invited me. I told him about it, but then on the advice of my friends started playing games and told him I wanted to meet him, and then told him I didn't... I was all over the map. And then I read He's Just Not That Into You, which got me really depressed. This girl in the book said, "I got empowered and I said I don't need to talk to you anymore," so that night I texted him confessing that I was into him and that it sucks when the guy your into doesn't like you back. For 2-3 weeks after that he didn't call.

I contacted him to see what was up because I got impatient, and he told me he was sorry for everything but just wanted to be friends. So we talked for two hours, and he said he might be coming with my brother to visit soon but, "Don't go all nuts on me if I don't". I told him I'm cool - and I want to SHOW him that I'm cool. I regret playing games with this guy and really want to see him more than anything in the world. Do you think I can get him back, or is he always going to think of me as the crazy girl?

Oh Rani, I do feel for you. I get a lot of these kinds of emails every week, the "I acted crazy now how do I fix it?" kind of requests. Unfortunately, there isn't much I can suggest to you that you'll want to hear. If the two of you had been in a relationship for six months? My answer might be different, but not by much.

My advice is to take a huge step back from this guy. He's already got it in his head he's not into you like that, and with a six hour difference between where the two of you live, I doubt that will change. Plus, with your admitted 'crazy girl' antics, it makes anything romantic that much harder.

I understand that you feel this guy is worth it, but there are many people in this world that you'll meet throughout your travels that will wow you. I think its time to take a step back and really get over this guy - get over a relationship that was nothing more than a friendship, because at no point did you ever meet, nor did he say he was into you - and start living your life for YOU. What struck me the most in your question was all of the maneuvering you were trying to do - from seeing him in the first place, to arranging to meet after the whole blow up so he'd see you weren't crazy. It's time to take a break from this guy and start doing things for YOU. Forget if he'll be somewhere or not. Forget trying to arrange your schedules. Forget about even interacting with the guy until you honestly feel like you can be just friends.

It's time to take your power back. Focus on getting yourself to a place of happiness with or without a guy and work on cultivating your self esteem. Spend some time mourning the relationship that could have been, kick the relationship bad habits, and make sure you've figured out some boundaries for yourself for the next time someone you like comes along. Then, be your amazing, feel good self - and you won't feel the need to play games to get a guy, because they'll be flocking to get YOUR attention.

Related: Self Esteem Quiz, Does He Like Me As A Friend Or More?, What Not To Do After A Breakup, Am I Ready To Date Again?,

January 19, 2010 at 1:52 pm
(1) Dot LeSage says:

Good advice: definitely time to back up!

January 22, 2010 at 3:38 am
(2) tomboygurl says:

For some stupid reason, a girl playing the same games that guys do just do not seem to work. It all plays out good and well IF you are a guy.
Yet, it seems some of them know when a girl is TRYING to play their game; and they just plain don’t like it.
Maybe it’s because they want to play with a girl; not another (guy)???
As a tomboy, I’ve tried this; whats good for the goose is good for the gander; but it doesn’t ever seem to hold true in the gender roles.
He would most likely be TOTALLY INTO YOU, if only he took the time to get to know you, yet only AFTER he ever gets over the stupid boy-girl games that you started. jUST KICK BACK AND DON’T KEEP ON TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF OR SOME FOOLISH THING YOU DID. Everyone does foolish things, especially at first!
Keep on JUST BEING HIS FRIEND! Then, after you two meet and YOU decide the chemistry is there FOR YOU; start ever so slowly being feminine and sensuous towards him and see where it may go!

January 22, 2010 at 1:28 pm
(3) Dale Francis says:

By your own admission, you started playing some silly games.It is not surprising that he has pulled back from you and you now dont know where you stand.
I dont really know what to say to you,except cut out the games and you may have better relationships all round.
If you dp end up losing this guy it would really serve you right

January 28, 2012 at 10:56 am
(4) Melz says:

Oh well you got what you deserve..Don’t play games..and things like that won’t happen..

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