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Bonny Albo

How Much Does Mood Affect Your Attractiveness?

By May 26, 2013

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A single friend of mine is down in the dumps. He's miserable, angry, frustrated, you name it - and it shows. So when he asked me today why no one wanted to meet him off a dating site, I paused before answering.

Because in my opinion? Mood does affect one's attractiveness. Without question.

A number of years ago I did something I've since labeled my smiling experiment, where I spent an evening sharing a 100-watt smile to everyone I encountered on a busy weekend night. Prior to my very non-scientific test, I was in a similar head space as my friend. I couldn't attract someone for the life of me and it was really starting to mess with my head. So instead of moping about it, I went out and tried something new. I genuinely smiled. At everyone. Even though I really didn't feel like it. Within two hours my mood had changed dramatically - and with it, my attractiveness meter skyrocketed. I had several people stop me on the street to ask for my name, number, or just to say hello, and one group of men invited me to join them for drinks.

With that story in mind, I wanted to tell my friend that all he had to do was change his mood. Somehow, he had to start feeling better about himself before he'd be attractive again. "Try some Wii Boxing," I suggested initially, thinking the endorphin rush would assist him in feeling better while still remaining tactful. He did, and it helped, but he was still frustrated - so I decided to share my smiling experiment trick. "Go for a walk and smile at everyone you encounter. I don't care who they are or what they are doing, just give them a smile that would light up any room, and then continue on your way. As for nothing, and keep moving, just as long as you smile. Then call me when you get back."

My friend hasn't called me back yet, so I'm hoping that my tactic worked for him as well as its worked for me. But I'm curious: do you find that your mood affects your attractiveness? If so, what do you do to change it?

Related: Attract Someone Myths, Why Can't I Create Chemistry?, How Low Self Esteem Affects Dating Relationships.

May 4, 2010 at 8:58 am
(1) JT says:

Nothing is more attractive than a smile…

May 5, 2010 at 7:45 am
(2) over40dating says:

I completely agree with you. My mirror seconds your agreement. I find a completely unattractive person staring at me when I look into a mirror with a sour mood.
Well…….there are only two solutions to it, either be happy always, which is not an easy thing to do or whenever you are unhappy stay indoors and avoid your mirror.

May 8, 2010 at 2:08 pm
(3) dateclasswebsite says:

mirrors will always tell who you are however who you a re are cannot be changed in the mirror you can change it yourself so begin working on yourselves first and the mirror

May 12, 2010 at 4:07 pm
(4) bipolar says:

Moods affect the way that your react to pretty much anything. A potential partner can sense your reactions and being in a good mood will make your reactions far more positives. A major part of attraction is a shared positive vibe – so it stands to reason that the better your mood the more attractive you become.

May 24, 2010 at 12:18 am
(5) Arrby says:

Interesting post and comments. I discovered the importance of smiling (and, if you’re older and you have drooping eyelids, opening your eyes wider) for myself. I’m a 54 year old (gulp!) virgin. Don’t ask me how that happened. But watching (Japanese) porn sort of flipped a switch in my head and now something I want/need badly isn’t within my reach. Young (Asian) women don’t want un-cute, old men when there are plenty of cute, young hard bodies around. But I still have my needs.

I realize that I have zero chance of attracting anyone, any age, without being in better shape (no belly). And the smile is critical. And it’s not easy, especially when your face’s natural resting state doesn’t show a smile.

However, Your body language – very much along the lines of your mood and it’s affect on your appearance, mentioned here – can reveal, to a large extent, the smile within. Thankfully. And I’m a ‘youngish in spirit’ person. As well, There are smallish smiles that even those who don’t naturally smile can do that aren’t physically difficult, and that, together with the right body language, can help.

I’m additionally challenged in that I’m super broke. In this money system, everything – sneakers to run to get in shape with, nice clothes, the freedom to invite a person on a date because you know you can pay for it – costs money. (Capitalism is against me. Therefore I’m anticapitalist.)

I’m so up and down emotionally, I sometimes honestly don’t want to live. And until that switch got flipped, I was fine. But, While I continue to drag my tired, sorry bones through this awful world full beauty and pain, I do what I can to play the romance game that I got into too late.

May 16, 2012 at 8:09 am
(6) karen says:

I choose thoughts that make me feel good. You have to start small and work yourself up the emotional scale when in a bad mood as a giant leap from frusteration to joy is impossible. Pay attention to how I truly feel and stay with the better feeling thought for 17 seconds then a higher realm of better feeling thoughts can come in

May 23, 2012 at 5:21 pm
(7) Randall Amore says:

I’ve done this time and time again. I start to feel low and physically start to ‘act’ low. By that I mean I stop smiling, start stooping, dragging my feet when I walk etc. When I’m conscious of these moments and catch myself doing it (often due to the general stresses of life; money, relationship worries, and so on) I start to smile.

Along with smiling, I start to be conscious of how I am walking, making sure I walk tall and proud. I often take it a step further and greet people with a friendly ‘hello’. Just like you said, after just a short while, you find you are no longer forcing it, you are genuinely feeling happier.

Along with your worries, they seem so much easier to deal with, think about, when you are in a happier state of mind.

Well worth practicing until it becomes a habit that you adopt every time you start feeling low.

May 28, 2012 at 11:46 pm
(8) Rachel says:

There is a definite link between acts of kindness and altruism, and happiness. It’s generally accepted within the scientific community that people who do volunteer work and give service to others are happier. Small acts of kindness, such as helping somebody reach a can on a supermarket shelf, or offering to carry a heavy box for an elderly person, stimulate the pleasure and reward center of our brain. Even giving somebody a compliment or praise will cause endorphins to be released in the brain. I’ve no idea why this is why simple acts of kindness between human beings will cause a rush of dopamine akin to that which drug addicts feel. Shopping, gambling, and participating in extreme sports (such as skydiving or bungee jumping) are other drug-free stimulators or the reward center. Dopamine is a chemical produced by the body, but it’s effects are powerful. This is why addictions can be formed by repeated behaviors and not just repeated administration of substances like drugs or alcohol. So basically, by being conscious of others around you and tuning into them and their needs, you’ll find opportunities to practice kindness. If you see somebody who needs cheering up, look at them and find something about them to praise. It might be their efficiency in a job; their patience with small children, for example. Or to really bring on a smile, make them feel special by gushing about how well they look in that dress/shirt/hat! Giving compliments is a surefire way to make friends and get on somebody’s ‘good side’. “Wow.. your nails look fantastic. Did you have them done?”; “OMG I can’t believe you are __ years old!”; You have a 20 year old son? But that’s impossible – you must have had him when you were 12!” The point is that making others feel happy causes YOU to feel happy. And when you are happy, you radiate. Your skin glows, your eyes sparkle, and your features soften when you smile. It really is a matter of “Beauty Is – As Beauty Does! Try it and see. :-)

May 31, 2013 at 8:53 am
(9) Jos says:

For me it is very difficult to be in a good mood even if u want to try to be nicely and funny with other people. Society makes a very big pressure on us trying to be perfect looking and in manners. I have some friends that achieved to have finally a good looking boyfriends and finally got married with them, and some of my friends are trying to steal their men because envy the appearance which make their life look very nice. So I feel scared to love someone and donīt be at height of good looking people, or also be scared that any women very good looking steal my boyfriend before our engagement or wedding.

May 31, 2013 at 9:06 am
(10) Jos says:

I would like to say that me too I am a virgin, but my case is different, I am a 35 years old, and I have been with many men but drunk only so I consider myself a virgin because I haven’t being with anybody sober mentally, so I am not a virgin physically but wether mentally, so it is very difficult for me to face a sexual meeting with someone, maybe for reasons of shyness or to be rejected.

June 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm
(11) Chloe says:

it’s hard and complicated always to be in a good mood with people you don’t like, it’s depend on wether u like someone or not….i’ve found “my special one” on a dating site ….and now i’m really happy and almost always in a good mood

June 17, 2013 at 11:40 pm
(12) gina says:

well, for me as what i’ve experienced in my life, its really a big factor in our personality to always wear a smile, its because we can make people happy unexpectedly, and with that positive things happend along our way.. there are things might come up beyond our control and its not reason to get mad,,perhaps a challenge to remember that we cannot change the setuation, but we can always change our mood.. so what ever it is, always wear a sweet smile….

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