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Bonny Albo

What Does 'Take Things Slow' Mean To Him Dating Question

By June 18, 2013

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Out There asks: "I'm 41 and have been dating a guy for about six weeks now. We've been out 7 times and each time has been great. We have good chemistry, great conversation, lots of laughs and get along very well. In between dates we email/text/talk daily. It seems to be a good match but so far he has barely kissed me. A goodnight kiss is all. I even asked for him to kiss me once and he made it quick and said it wasn't the right moment. We've talked about wanting to take it slow which I am fine with, but I am an affectionate person and I feel like I can't be myself in this way. I'm not ready to sleep with him, just want to be able to hold hands and kiss! Starting to wonder if there is an issue? He is admittedly guarded but says he has let me into his world and I am special to him. Could he just want to be friends? Do guys really invest this kind of time and energy into someone they are not really into?"

I'd love to hear some 40-something men chime in on this one, because, well, I don't fit the demographic. But my take is that he really does want to take things slow, and perhaps is even a romantic. I can think of several men I know who go out of their way to take things a lot slower than they normally would with a woman they see potential in for a lifelong relationship.

But the issue isn't that he wants to take things slow, but rather that you feel clipped in your ability to express your affection for the man. For you, holding hands and kissing is important in a relationship, even in the early stages, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. So why not take his hand the next time the two of you are out walking together and see what happens? Worst case scenario is that he tells you he doesn't want to and then you can broach the subject, just make sure to be kind and listen well. I do however believe he's into you, its just a matter of how and if he shows his interest in a physical way.

But fair readers, what do you think? Is this man trying to take things too slow, or is there something else going on?

Comments
July 28, 2009 at 3:57 am
(1) Yser says:

Taking things slow means that he’s not really into you. If he continues to date you without much resistance, then his interest level is around 51-70% and he wants to give both of you a chance. Men do invest that time and energy on someone who they aren’t into especially when the field is limited. There’s not much that you can do except to take two steps back and take it even slower, but the level of affection should remain the same or higher. Persuasion is difficult. Time is the only solution to this kind of behavior, slowly tear down his guard by being affectionate. The moment he develops a habit of being close to you is the moment he wants to go faster. Remember to continue your dating lifestyle with others as well.

July 28, 2009 at 11:08 am
(2) Ian says:

I think could be one of two things. First is he’s afraid to escalate physically with you, alot of men have been brought up to believe that men who escalate are “pigs who just want sex”, the take it slow statement gives him breathing room. Second is that he doesn’t really like or need physical intimacy, he enjoys emotional intimacy, but not physical.

June 26, 2011 at 1:51 pm
(3) Phillippa Ferguson says:

Thanks i feel this is the reason. Reson being is im dating this guy and we have been through a lot before we started dating however our relationship was just really based on sex, lack of communication. So one day came and he said baby i need to talk to you about us and he then said he wants to communicate more because lately all we have been doing was sexing

July 29, 2009 at 1:50 am
(4) Adam R-Z says:

This is something that actually happens surprisingly often – guys showing all the signs of interest minus that whole fun, physical side.

The fact of the matter is he doesn’t want to take it slow – he in fact doesn’t want it to go anywhere! It would be one thing if he were just holding off on sex, but the fact that he is not even kissing or holding hands means that he doesn’t see it going anywhere physically.

See the thing is he is getting exactly what he wants right now – the company of a wonderful woman, without any of the perceived baggage of a physical relationship. If that’s good enough for you then cool – you found a nice “companion”. But if you really want a true relationship, complete with kissing, hand holding, maybe even some (gasp!) sex, let this guy go.

Adam R-Z
Co-editor
usayisay.com

July 29, 2009 at 9:02 am
(5) Tom Head says:

He sounds more anxious than uninterested. Have you tried initiating the affection yourself? I think Bonny’s comments are spot on–grab his hand and see what happens.

July 30, 2009 at 12:12 pm
(6) Jeanette says:

UGH, this is the same going on with me and a gentleman I am seeing. Now after 7 dates, he is wanting to be with me sexually but heck if I know how he really feels about me. Gonna read everyone’s comments for insight cause frankly this behavior from a man turns me off. LOL

July 30, 2009 at 2:45 pm
(7) Out There says:

Thanks everyone for the feedback, I did actually approach him on the subject and he revealed that he is not feeling attracted to me that way at this point. Disappointing and confusing, but better to know now…

July 30, 2009 at 7:28 pm
(8) Renee says:

Not attracted that way at this point? I hope you are not holding out for him to change his mind!

July 30, 2009 at 9:11 pm
(9) Kathy says:

He’s waiting for something he likes better. You are wasting your time.

August 27, 2009 at 5:00 pm
(10) Ana1117 says:

I have been seeing a guy for about a month and we both have recently come out of long term relationships. He mentioned that he would like to “take things slowly” but he also said he is very attracted to me, we’ve been physical but haven’t had intercourse. He told me I’m the most senusual woman he’s ever met and he just wants us both to be sure and get to know each other better before having sex. He’s very loving, calls me every day, we talk for hours,.and we spend time together,..we don’t even have to be doing anything special, we just enjoy being together,…..so I’m thinking,..this is good. Am I wrong,..am I missing something?

June 18, 2011 at 5:44 am
(11) James says:

hi ana, I met this woman who like myself is 42yrs old on a single parents dating site, we meet for the first time last sunday she said she wanted to meet me face to face first so i was cool with that, we talked had a drink, then kissed a lot on the train home, I had to go to work, we talked every day for a week, and texted every day, she said she missed me and loved to hear my voice, then we had our first proper date yesterday, it was nice, we had a meal, and we talked then she said she wanted to take it slow i was feeling quite hurt maybe i misread the signs, she admitted to being very touchy feely, she is seperated at the moment with two young kids, and she wants to take it one day at a time, we are going to spend the night together tonight, I rold her yesterday that we should hold of on having sex, until she feels its right, also to meeting the kids which she agreed on because she doesnt want the kids or herself hurt, how do i proceed to taking it slow, sorry ut i,ve never been in this situation before and could use some advice thanks james

September 1, 2009 at 1:20 am
(12) Searching says:

omg! That’s exactly what I’m going thru… I think it can lead to something good if we just keep it slow like it’s been so far:-p

November 22, 2009 at 5:29 pm
(13) Gail Perry says:

I would go with just holding hands. It’s very non-threatening and would establish a physical connection in a very safe way.

May 16, 2010 at 8:21 am
(14) Paul says:

I’m a slow guy and women have told me that it’s a real turn-off. If a woman shows an interest in me, a lot of times I miss the signs. When I “get it” and show my interest in her, she now thinks I’m a creep. Why are women so unforgiving if I don’t charge after them at full speed after meeting them for the first time?

February 16, 2011 at 4:14 pm
(15) Cynthia says:

You sound exactly like my brother, its actually quite funny too read there are more guys like him out there “blind sighted to flirts”. I think you should not charge in but just slowly flirt like “Hey! your gorgeuse!” something like that out of the blue would leave any girl dumb strucked!! hey! it happened to me jejeje, and just pay more atention to things woman say to you! belive me when woman flirt ohhh boy we flirt!

i hope i was helpful :C

August 4, 2010 at 5:29 pm
(16) martha Dalke says:

I dated this guy for 4 months. I broke his heart. Now, after 3 months, I want him back. We have been talking and have even hung out a few times. He says he loves me, but wants to take it slow. What does that mean?

August 10, 2010 at 4:49 pm
(17) AtWitsEnd says:

I am currently seeing someone that I dated back in high school. We loved each other back then but I chose my ex over him (which he politely told me recently that I messed up! lol) Anyway, after about 30 years we happened to find each other again through a friend. He was extremely excited as was I. We started talking and he told me he loved me and was so romantic with dedicating a song to tell me how he felt which was wonderful and spot-on! But he has had some bad experiences and hasn’t been with anyone in about 5 years (never been married) and he now says that things with us are just fine but he wants to take it slow. He doesn’t say he loves me anymore or very very rarely. He doesn’t really respond to any verbal affection I show him. He will hold my hand and give me a kiss when we see each other. (oh did I mention he lives 4 1/2 hours away?) Anyway, I really want this to progress because I love him with all my heart. I know it has only been about 6 weeks but it’s not like he just met me. He knows how caring and kind I am. I’m not sure what to do but this is taking me on an emotional rollercoaster! I don’t know how much longer I can go on not being able to express my feelings and get anything in return. It makes me feel unwanted even though he says I am very special to him and if prodded will say he loves me. I don’t know….. any ideas??

September 2, 2010 at 12:14 am
(18) nevergiveup says:

Hello: Atwitsend,

Your story sounds familar to mine. I hope it isn’t the same guy. Doesn’t he have kids? LOL.

November 29, 2010 at 1:44 am
(19) d says:

after 40… dating suck… LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE..
You are old, experienced, have collateral, and just ready to go home…. dating is for ppl in thier mid-teens to late 20′s… IF YOU STILL TRYING TO CAPUTRE THE ” YOUTH ” good luck…

A OLD DOG CAN TEACH YOU NEW TRICKS BUT YOU CANT TEACH NEW TRICKS TO AN OLD DOG !!

December 2, 2010 at 1:47 pm
(20) Rebecca says:

I think actions speak louder than words. The guy I’ve been relating to over the past few weeks is also “taking it slow.” I have to admit it’s been hard for me to read him. I think I’m starting to get it, though. My programming as a woman has lead me to believe that if a man isn’t trying to get up my skirt on the first date that he must not be into me. But let’s look at the facts: He calls or texts regularly. He makes time to see me as often as he can. He makes kind gestures toward me. He listens when I speak. He texts me goodnight and tells me how much he enjoyed seeing me.

Wow. It dawns on me that maybe he’s a gentleman instead of a douchebag. What’s to complain about?

December 3, 2010 at 11:43 pm
(21) ashley says:

omg same with me….he says he wants to take things day by day, but we’ve been down this road like 4 times and he’s making me go crazy with being slow all the time.

January 10, 2011 at 1:22 pm
(22) Deb says:

I know it ia so confusing. The man I have been dating one month Said he wanted to take thing slow. I was shocked after spending the holiday with him for five days. Than he tells me tells me that. He is in his 50 S. I need some advice.

March 15, 2011 at 2:20 am
(23) Just me says:

I have just started dating a guy 9 years older than me, for 3 weeks. We talk alot, laugh cuddle on the couch kiss passionately, and he holds me close and tight. But I have tried to take the next step and he keeps stating “He wants to get to know me better” What better way to get to know me by allowing me to please him? Am I completely off track or just impatient lol

August 10, 2011 at 11:32 am
(24) Marty says:

If it was upto me, any slower, you would be going backwards, might as well be like the Doc & Marty, I would just jump into the Delorean, switch on the flux capacitor and hit 88mph.

October 28, 2011 at 4:16 pm
(25) Lola says:

Great insights! A lot of you are talking about the other person as wanting to take it slow…but what about ourselves? I’ve recently met a guy who clearly has an interest for me and has even inquired about dating. I said yes but wanted to take it slow. I found it kind of weird that he’d asked me on our first walk…it wasn’t even a date. We seem super compatible and share very similar views/values, but there’s something about him that is making me hesitate. Is he just too eager and so now I’m turned off? Is this a bad sign and I’m just not interested? Maybe I have nothing better to do. Or maybe I’m hesitating because my last relationship ended terribly and I’ve avoided dating for months…so I’m giving this a chance. It would seem I should be able to answer my own questions, but I’m blocked on this! Any help please?

December 12, 2011 at 10:39 pm
(26) just me says:

I am glad that me and my man is taking it slow I have been hurt so many times in the past. That I almost gave up on the men out here today. The men don’t understand that a woman is here but has to check herself as well as her surroundings and make sure that she is comfortable with that man.

December 18, 2011 at 9:37 pm
(27) fine with slow says:

Ok, from a guys point of view. Taking it slow is very nice, but its not easy. We want a lady who will say no.

But wants funny is I’m dating a women who I dated 18 years ago for a short time. Back then I think all we did was kiss and never talked. Now….we have been dating for about a month and we haven’t even kissed yet, my how times have changed. Now we do live about 5hrs from each other so when we do get together we will spend the weekend together but we don’t do anything. Now I would love to hold hands and kiss but she keeps saying we need to get to know each other. I was taking it has a sign she wants to be friends but she keeps telling me she’s interested and she calls me and text me first everyday. So….well I don’t know, you women are so confusing, but your worth it. Good luck ladies!

December 29, 2011 at 6:48 pm
(28) goo123 says:

Hmm, i find this all interesting I met a man online 4 months ago, his wife cheated on him, he’s been divorced about 3 yrs. He has young kids n hasn’t dated a lot since, no one has ever met his children. 1 lady after 4 months wanted to move in, other after 4 months wanted to meet his kids. 1 of the first questions he asked me was how soon after dating someone did I have them meet my kids, 1 didn’t meet them for 6 months and the other already knew my children. In the beginning he pursued me; texting and calling frequently and always pushing the envelope with flirtatious texts. I set the pace by telling him i had a 3 month rule and he was ok with that saying he wanted to take things slow as well and wait until we were both on the same page. After the first month his communication slowed and he explained that he had been busy with his kids and finding a new home ~ which i understood but also shared with him that I like more attention, to which his reply was, if he wasn’t giving me what i wanted he understood if I looked elsewhere; I replied that he wasn’t kicking me out the door that easy. We also talked about being intimate (1 month into dating we were doing some heavy petting) and he said that his heart was guarded right now because we hadn’t started right off the bat in bed with each other but then when we did become completely intimate his heart would be unguarded; 3 months in and we became completely intimate. Now the hard part about all of this is …. he has been moving into a new house the last 2 weeks and celebrating the holidays. I’ve had very little communication with him over the last 2 weeks but he says he’s misses me and asked me to go shopping with him for his kids for christmas but I couldn’t … am I barking up the wrong tree? I’ve met his best friend, we all had dinner together but I haven’t met any of his family yet but I know they all know about me ~ I’m so confused by this man. I’d appreciate any insight

January 9, 2012 at 3:21 pm
(29) Olivia says:

When a guy wants to take it slow it’s no indication that he’s not into you and has an alterior motive or hidden agenda. And it’s not necessarily because they are unsure or have suffered from a bad relationship in the past. Both men and women may take it slow to really get to know a person and not get any nasty surprises further down the line and then it gets complicated and messy when breaking up. It’s really about them feeling comfortable that their feelings are recipricrated and they don’t want lust to ruin it. Communication is key. If you’re unsure of how they feel then ask them and do state that you’re not presurrising them to move faster but need reassurance that they are into you. A relationship is a two way thing, your feelings count too. It’s also best to spend time doing things you enjoy yourself, make time for friends and family. If he’s worth his weight in gold then he’ll soon realise what a sassy, hot person you are and will want to spend time with you more. If you’re happy then you’ll attract them like moth to a flame!

January 17, 2012 at 2:56 pm
(30) Doug says:

Great response Olivia. Having the patience to let things develop gradually allows you to lay a foundation which can lead to ongoing success in a relationship.

February 2, 2012 at 1:37 am
(31) BeenBurned says:

I am a 42 yr old woman that has been burned more than once! I married a couple weeks before I turned 19, had 2 kids and a divorce by 22. I have been divorced 20 years now…….and still looking. I started talking to a man that graduated from my high school 2 yrs before me (with my sister), we knew who each other were, but didnt KNOW each other in high school. We started by talking about 6 mths ago and started seeing each other almost 3 mths ago. We talk and/or text daily. He tells me that he wants things to progress with us, but is shy……I want to take things slow because I have been hurt alot. We talk about things and seem to be on the same page, but if he is truly shy should I make the first move? He hugs me (very passionately) everytime he sees me and he did give me a little peck goodnight once, but then I think I may have scared him back a few steps when we talked later that night and I told him I am in no hurry. He seems to be sincere about being shy and is interested in seeing me more since he has been talking to me about plans come spring and summer…..things he would like us to do together. What do you guys think?? I am making dinner this weekend and wondering if I should make that first move……I sent him a little “you, me, Sat night, dinner, movie and my couch” text and he replied with a “Im there!!”.

Would LOVE to know what you guys think………this is new territory for me. I have always been with guys that move QUICK and things never work out or I am cheated on……this guy is sweet and seems so sincere, now I think I am scared…..if I keep him where we are then I am safe.

PS I have met his kids, mom, and grandson. He isnt hiding me from anyone so I know he is at least talking about me to them!

February 3, 2012 at 3:28 am
(32) Irene says:

Alot of good insight,,im 33 & kinda, almost, goin thru the same thing, i used to hang out wit this guy like a year ago. dint go ne where,&we lost touch.Recently,i called him out of the blue,we had a blast,& 4 the first time he kissed me@the end of the night! the next weekend he invited me over for dinner&cooked me a full course meal! even made his own spiced wine!,,we live about an hour away,it was 3am, he asked me to stay,,NO SEX! he dint even try,when morning came, i said i should go, he said no, stay longer,bout noon, he delightfuly, made me a cappacinno& ,i had no make up on,he told me i was naturally beautiful, best compliment ive had to date! this past friday, he came to Jersey(mind you from Brooklyn with all the tolls ,its about 36 bucks..he was dressed so nicely,,he held my hand but this time it felt different,,NOW this is where it gets like the experience most of us are having,,it was our 5thdate,after our first kiss, after him making me dinner&being concerned bout me driving late ,after him telling me im naturally beautiful, i felt i needed to see where his mind was at. i asked him”if this was just hook up or”&as i searched for words, he finished my sentence saying or are my feelings genuine”? he said YES, but wanted to take things slow.I felt offended, dont kno why, if he wanted to take things slow, why all the PDA? i told him “well mayb this isnt the right time for us then” “what the hell was i thinking”?? i erased his #, something that we’ve all done, dont lie ;p,.he texted me”let me kno you got home safe” i was short& said “im ok, thx”, that was a week ago,,i dont have his number 2 smooth things out,im disappointed in myself,i miss him already,,i keep thinkin, was i wrong? he hasnt called,i feel i acted like i was 15! i need some honest advice from you& 2 you gentlemen out there, would you atleast make one more attempt to give that girl a call, or run for the hills? Le me kno,might help put my mind at ease..i dunno,talk to me people!

February 24, 2012 at 6:22 pm
(33) carrottop says:

@ Irene….sounds like he is a really good guy who treated you like a lady. You didn’t expect it, got scared, when you expected him to say he was looking for a hookup. Maybe you were just looking for a hookup and didn’t want to hurt him….if you are real and looking for a serious, good-guy relationship who will treat you like a princess, I suggest to go back and apologize, and then treat him like a king in return!

June 27, 2012 at 10:46 am
(34) Ian says:

Since she didn’t mention a very fundamentalist religion issue then he’s probably got a very low sex drive or is asexual. The slow thing is just a smokescreen since he knows that women like to hear that. Since she’s affectionate this isn’t a good match and it isn’t going to change. You might get him to be physically affectionate with you but it’s going to be like pulling teeth every time.

July 2, 2012 at 9:14 am
(35) loving says:

My boyfriend of 3 months and I were in an argument and his roommates heard. After he moved, he now won’t invite me to his new place. He blocked me on facebook. He said he wanted to take things slow to rebuild our relationship and when he is comfortable, he will invite me over. He said he wanted to see me badly. I asked him if he wanted to see me badly enough, how come not badly enough to invite me over? Then two days ago, his last text was “I’m not ready for that, I’m sorry. But I love you no less. But your persistence is telling me I need to stop speaking to you, so I guess I must. :( Goodbye.” I haven’t heard from him since. Why would he tell me he loves me no less and goodbye at the same time? Why would he push me away, yet say he loves me no less? I would appreciate any/all feedback you all have.

July 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm
(36) Elizabeth says:

Been there and the souvenirs suck! I dated a man who could not get enough of me. He showered me with text messages all day, telling me how beautiful and sexy I am. Then he started the “I want to take things slow” and “I do not know how I feel.” I stuck with it in faith and it only got much worse as it only escalated into an abusive relationship in which he wanted all the power.

Do yourself a favor: get out now while it does not hurt so much. I did not get out when I first heard this, sticking around and devloping feelings for him, only to see who he really was. There is not a day that goes by that I wish I had not dumped him when he started with his “buyer’s remorse”.

July 17, 2012 at 10:31 pm
(37) Kit says:

I’ve been dating this women for two months now. She told me she wants to take it slow. I’ve have to admit this isn’t easy for me. I really do like her and I have to stop in my tracks every time. Now I’m sitting here waiting for her to call me. I haven’t talked to her in 5 days. But I am not going to call her. I need to know if she really wants me or just doesn’t know what it is she really wants. I’m confused big time here

July 20, 2012 at 2:45 am
(38) never taken it slow b4.. says:

(hi Kit! i think u should call her!)

So everyone, i have quite a dilemma… i started dating this man a month and a half ago.. we work together so we had chemistry that had been building up. we ended up sleeping together after only a couple dates & then come to find the man im dating says that he ‘wants to take things slow’ while here i am ready to jump into being an official couple. we are intimate and he texts me every day and i know he’s into me. i just dont know how MUCH and how LONG he needs to decide to take things further. i try to talk to him about this but all that ends up happening is me getting upset/confused and we end up fighting. ive never taken anything slow b4 & especially after we already became intimate so fast. im trying to be patient and i have my own “time line” of when/if things dont progress i will stop contact w/ him. but until then should i just enjoy getting to know him and have fun. or should i dare try to talk to him again and ask him “how long he needs to decide whether or not he wants to commit”……………… i just dont know what “taking it slow” means……… esp, in this particular situation..?!!? Any imput greatly appreciated!

August 10, 2012 at 6:45 am
(39) lilly221 says:

Reading these comments this morning, I am trying to take what Olivia said to heart. I was recently engaged and now single, ended the whole thing. Mainly because we are 2 different people but also because I feel my heart was some where else, as much as I didnt want to admit that its true. Ive known this person for a while now, we dated a few years back and it just didnt pan out for whatever reason. (Ill tell you its because it just got out of an engagement) Anyway, he and I always had this weird relationship, when he found out I was engaged, he made it seem he was happy for me, but he wasnt. It was obvious in his actions. I am good at ignoring….so now going on 3 years back n forth as friends, hanging out as friends….well this past year he started coming around more n more. I didnt understand why. To the point he called my friend to make sure I was going out. So now its Aug, about a month ago he invited me and my g-daughter to swim (we are very young g-parents, 40 something) and I had an ah ha moment watching him with her and his 2 g-kids. I still said nothing..so last week after much built up frustration with work, life and nonesense I called him and asked if he was doing anything, he invited me to yacht club for dinner. we had a great time with other club members, its when he took me to his boat to talk, vulnerability caved in. For me, he is the only person I have been with since my engagement, and he said to me one day at a time, please…2nd time he has said this to me in the last 2 months. 1st time I was like no way-I dont trust you because of our past….but now, I look at him diff anf the situation differently, but now Im confused because what exactly does takie it one day at a time mean for me? So I am trying to take what Olivia said to heart. Im over the game playing tho and not sure if I should follwo this one through…..I am an overly cautious person by nature, and me and trust, well thats something that needs to build….so unsure at the moment.

September 11, 2012 at 5:00 am
(40) secretseahorse says:

Believe it or not, sometimes someone likes to get to know someone on a very personal level before they physically connect with someone. I truly believe withholding from immediate intimate interactions when you meet someone will result in a deeper connection in the end.

September 18, 2012 at 8:39 am
(41) Bunny says:

I’ve started spending time with this guy about once a week for almost 6 weeks. We often kissed passionately. He tried to to have sex with me but I refused but we still cuddle and kiss. He only text me/ call me once a week to organise dinner. I’m confused…I don’t know if he likes me? should i hang around for him? I work with him btw.

October 15, 2012 at 8:38 pm
(42) Juan Tovar says:

Communication is the key. I recently went on a first date with a girl and we hit it off. We met on an online dating site probably about a week ago and before actually meeting for the first date we communicated a lot. Got to know each other a little better before the first date. When the first date happened, we hit it off. It was a great time and we both enjoyed the night. There was some hand holding and kissing involved. Not passionate over the top kissing but little pecks here and there thru-out our date. Even a goodbye kiss. No sex. We’ve been communicating after our date and established where we stood. We both want to take it slow. To me, taking it slow means getting to know each other better thru the dating process. That is what the dating process is for. Communicate with each other often and get to know each other better. What are his/her wants. Be honest and upfront with each other. Communication is the most important key if a relationship is to be successful. Don’t worry about the sex. I’m a guy, but girls, don’t have sex until you are ready and have gotten to know you’re partner well. If you aren’t ready, don’t be pressured into it.

November 4, 2012 at 6:42 pm
(43) Malibu says:

Question??? Meet a guy on match.com seen each other 6 days in a row. We had sex the in the 3rd date which was way out or the ordinary for me… Been single for 2 1/2 years not used to the dating thing at all. I’ve seen him a total of 9 times in 3 weeks and he has stayed the night with me also… I really like him a lot but we haven’t been out on another date yet just go to each others houses… He says he wants to take things slow becuz in the past he rushed into a relationship to fast and that didn’t work out. I’m not sure if he is dating anyone else since he still goes online and gives me a hard time becuz he sees me online which I have not talked to anyone since I met him… Is it to soon to ask if he is dating others since we have slept together for precaution for me and my feelings? I have butterflies for him and I don’t want to get hurt…

February 8, 2013 at 12:22 am
(44) firstrelationship says:

Hi so I have been reading all the comments and I’m in my first relationship. And I met this great guy and we started talking, and after 4 months he asked me to homecoming and later asked me out. He told me from the start that he wants to take it slow, and I’m like how sweet. Well its been 5 months now about 4-5 dates later we see each other at let twice a week do to highschool and church, but we haven’t held hands or kissed but he seems to show a great interest into me and Is always texting and smiling saying how nice I look but I’m scared because the more time I spend with him the more I have feelings for him, and I’m afraid it will end and I don’t won’t to get hurt. another thing is, do I make a move or wait for him?

June 16, 2013 at 11:21 am
(45) Dandelion says:

I’ve been dating this guy at first we going well but when he knews that I have sex with his friend … He suddenly told me we should go slow because he said he is very uneasy when someone he is dating has sex with his friend

But it has been 2-3 years …….. he told me that his friend was his best pal ……. Somehow I still dont understand why he is pushing away when I told him that me and his friend is no longer have any affection but he seems like quite “do mind” about me and his friend

what should I do? Should I go on? or Should I just go slow as he wanted?

June 16, 2013 at 11:21 pm
(46) Lindsey says:

Hi everyone,
I am here reading everyone’s comments because I feel that after googling why I am in this situation this site popped up guess I am not the only one in a bad situation. So here I go…everyone has had to of heard of Plenty of Fish website, Well I added myself to the site after a a few months in between from a bad 3yr relationship I wasn’t looking and I’d get messages from suits and based off the profile pic go oh hell no delete. Just so happens one night I got a message and my phone went off I go I could only imagine so I opened it up and found a common interest so after reading up on him I messaged back the convo was strong and funny happen to be a state trooper that patrolled my area so I said hell why not? So we exchange numbers we talked everyday all day all night into 130a to almost 2a couldn’t let each other go to sleep so this went on for a week or two convos were getting heavier all fair, we decided we would meet that following Wednesday an we did we met for dinner and we really hit it off we went back to his place watched a movie and we just started making out and things led to others and 2x later that night I was like I gotta get going I had surgery the following morning. So on my drive home I messaged him telling him I had an amazing night and would he wants to continue to see me and spend time he said YES. So we talked everyday all day ever since and 3 weeks ago was when we first met we finally saw each other since then this pas Thursday we hung out we had a good night I said goodnight we talked since and now I am sitting here wondering what the hell is going on our convos since 3wka ago have become minimal granted Ed busy with work but what about the off hours and the in betweens? He said he likes me and wants to see me but don’t wanna “bum rush into anything” what does that mean?? I talked to him 1230 this afternoon and haven’t heard from him since do I continue to keep trying or give up ?

June 27, 2013 at 4:44 am
(47) Anon says:

Hey, everyone. To start, I’m just gonna say I’m a 15 year old guy and I feel like in general I understand the whole take it slow/shy guy kind of thing. While its obviously possible that some guys just use it as an excuse or cover up as previous comments have said, my perspective is that to put it bluntly, people like me just don’t want to screw up. I have a girlfriend who I’ve been dating for a few months and at least what I felt like early on was that if I came on to strong or tried to take things too fast, the relationship might not be genuine. I don’t want a relationship in which the base is physical attraction. It wouldn’t work out or at the very least it wouldn’t be as strong as a relationship built upon similar hobbies, personalities that work well together, and overall communication. Another thing I always seemed to worry about was how would she react to something I might say or do. What if she takes something the wrong way? What if a complement sounds fake or perverted? Not only that but what if I miss something? Does she want me to do something? Is she testing me? While some of these questions and doubts are a bit far-fetched, similar thoughts can all cause someone to act shy or want to take things slow.

June 27, 2013 at 6:58 pm
(48) Jay says:

True… But what if you’re to shy.? We just need to take a deep breathe and dive.. It’s all about taking that chance.. That leap of faith.. So yes, i do agree with you.. But think about this, females are shy, loving, sensative, and magestic creatures.. And if a guy does one thing, and not another, that could leave us Confused, Unsure, Doubtful, and with low Self-Worth.. But nothing is never clear…. And im not saying it’s all up the the males.. Females do have a role to play of their own aswell…….

August 1, 2013 at 7:55 pm
(49) John says:

I am a 40 something guy, so here’s my thoughts. You have your ideas about how fast a relationship should go, and what “milestone” you should be at. He has a different idea, but his ideas aren’t important to you, and you’d like to change him.

Do you want to know how we feel when women rush us? We feel like you care more about being seen “in a relationship” more than you care about the actual relationship with us. Hey ladies, look at me, I’ve got a man!

No one likes to be used. Don’t be surprised when the man breaks it off.

September 13, 2013 at 1:00 am
(50) Rita says:

I’m 50 yrs old and have been seeing a man for 6 months. I’ve been divorced 7 yrs and he has been divorced for 2 yrs. He was really hurt by his ex and I understand that. He says he just wants to take it slow and be friends but at the same time he stays over at my house or I stay at his. It’s gotten really confusing to me. I have strong emotions for him and have told him his reply is he doesn’t want to hurt me like he was hurt. We talk daily for hours. I just wonder if I’m being pushy or if he is just stringing me along. He really acts like he cares and even says he does. Now it’s been 6 wks since we’ve seen each other and I’m beginning to wonder. What is the deal? Any advise???

September 29, 2013 at 1:05 pm
(51) Burns says:

Sorry I really don’t have any advice for anyone but I’m only17 yrs old and a senior in high school. I understand where he is coming from Rita cuz I have the same exact feeling. But I would like some advice from anyone. Me and my boyfriend from exactly 1 month just broke up 2 days ago. Then last night at our homecoming dance he says lets be friends first and take it slow and we will see where it goes from there. But I asked him if he still really likes me and he said that is for me to know and for you to find out. I’m so confused I need any advice.

October 7, 2013 at 8:35 pm
(52) chels says:

hey, So I’ve been with a guy for about 2 months.. I really like him, I’ve met his entire family, have actually gotten pretty close. he lives about 2 hours away so we see eachother every so often.. He is extremely busy with sports, work etc.. He told me he wants to “take things slow”, he said he just has a “gut” feeling saying not to jump into anything with me.. Weve had sex, get a long great and he says im perfect but he doesnt know why he just think we should keep doing what were doing with no labels..but he really does care about me.. So how long is too long to be doing this? and is he really even into me? or is it just some lame thing men say.. he still does talk to other women, so i dont know if hes just waiting for something else to come along.. even tho he says no.. sooo what do i do??

December 1, 2013 at 6:19 pm
(53) seabreeze says:

I am also curious about this statement. I know this guy (he travels alot for his work) online sometime ago. He was v affectionate and suddenly things cool off…we kept in touch once in a while until he decided to ask me out. He kissed on the 3rd date. And he said he likes me but wanna take things slow. He said tt after the 4th date too but said we would probably be happy together.

He returned fr a packed overseas biz trip and we were supposed to meet up to have dinner (his birthday is a few days later). When I text him where he would like to go for dinner. He said he would like to have a quiet nite as he is due to travel again 2 days later.

I really dunno… so tiring… so what does he want?

February 5, 2014 at 7:05 am
(54) Anon says:

Help!!
I recently split up with a partner of 18 mths around Christmas & felt like my world had ended, I was desperate then & now realise it was definitely not meant to be. New opportunities arose with business etc & it took my mind off things. I bumped into some old school friends, one of which I had major feelings for (21 years ago!). We had a few drinks together that night &it turned out he had split up with a long term partner after 7 yrs (Christmas) which I have experienced before so did not initiate anything. I ended up staying at his house & it turned out we were both looking for similar futures, met his parents but we both said no sex. This was fine & I went to work the next day not expecting to hear from him, I sent him a text later in the day saying thanks for a great night & left it at that. He replied later on which was great & a week later we went camper vanning for the weekend to visit one of his mates, had a great time and still no sex! He was still texting me once everyday with the occasional phone call & he invited me round for dinner one night – really great night but no sex again, we always go to sleep cuddling. We always kiss after a few drinks which is what is getting to me as sober there is none of that. I have now met a lot of his family & friends & don’t know where I stand as surely he would not introduce me to his close family if there wasn’t something there?! Is he just shy when he’s sober or is it because when he sobers up he starts thinking about his ex? I have asked if he has considered getting back together with her but he said they haven’t been in contact since, but again I am not sure! I havent been bombarding him with texts or calls & have left it up to him to ask me to do things but I honestly don’t know if he likes me like that or are we better off just being friends? I can’t handle the drunk affection & then the sober drought!

February 10, 2014 at 4:34 pm
(55) sparkle dring says:

I have started dating this guy that’s 60 yrs old Im 54. We have had 7 dates so far .. We haven’t had sex yet. .. He told me he is in love with me . I told him I had fallen but that’s it. I know he has ED . Told him that’s not a problem we work on it in future. Hes one that’s all over me all time kissing me holding me swatting my butt .. but the other night he told me I was going to fast for him . I was like what the heck??? I felt horrible no man has ever told me that ever. so decided to just play miss G rated . he hasn’t been In relationship in 2 yrs ( he was divorced before his last gf they were together 2 yrs ) I am a widow I have dated quite a bit had 2 realtionships not long term. I think hes worth it is this normal for him to say this about me?

February 21, 2014 at 5:15 am
(56) Zak says:

His probably gay. Let’s really think about it

February 26, 2014 at 12:17 pm
(57) Cara says:

Give this guy a break, we all want what they do, most women use sex for everything , it makes me sick, you need to understand men a whole lot more if your going to put yourself out there in the dating game!!

April 13, 2014 at 10:12 am
(58) Phil says:

Hello, I am a Man dating a woman who recently ended a 4 year relationship, We hit it off right away, chemistry everything was very good, after the second date which she asked me on, I kissed her, then she kissed me, then we kissed again, I thought she was going to fall over, anyway, when I expressed to her that I wanted to make a date for the following weekend, make dinner together and hang at my house, she said that she was still in her funk from her last relationship, ..so I backed up I said ok I would leave her alone, and her response was that she liked my company, and wanted to continue to see me, just not ready for romantic evenings yet….I asked her out again, she then “forgot” that we mad plans to go on a hike and when I contacted her she asked me to go for coffee, I said ok no hike, she said she forgot, to which I said ok whatever you want. It seems to me this is not the way to proceed, and this has gotten me to the place where I just want to walk away, however for me It has been a long time since Ive had a connection with a woman like this and I am still very attracted to her, going to meet for coffee this afternoon, unless she forgets and wonder about your feelings about how I should handle it.

April 16, 2014 at 10:20 pm
(59) jill says:

I’ve been dating this guy for 4 months and today I asked him where I stand with him and he can’t answer me back I really like him and I told him its normal to have these conversations early on then waiting and all he keeps doing is ignoring me is he hiding something from me

April 17, 2014 at 5:50 pm
(60) Matthew says:

A guy who is calculated, has had several emotional challenges and doesn’t want to hurt you or destroy the relationship you have will tell you that he would like to take things slowly.
He does care about you and doesn’t want to hurt you in anyway. Most of us men want a friend who loves us more than a lover who wants to get intimate. We like to take our time and handle the matter delicately. He wants your friendship nothing more.
if you are interested in something more intimate then you have to tell him how you feel about it but i can guarantee you that he cares and doesn’t want to destroy the friendship. Some people are better kept as friends. If in your heart you desire something more then discuss it with him on a light mood.

April 17, 2014 at 5:55 pm
(61) Matthew Rewes says:

Jill, my strong advise is to let him go. He doesn’t love you. Get the hell out of the relationship.

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