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Bonny Albo

Can I Make Him Want More Than Friends With Benefits?

By June 28, 2013

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Melanie asks: I am 20, single and am seeing this 24-year-old guy named Adam. When we met a month ago we went on a date to go see a movie, and it was obvious that we liked each other. Our second date we went to his house, watched a movie and then became friends with benefits. About 20 days ago and handful of dates later, and I told him that I wanted a relationship with him because I liked him so much, and that friends with benefits wasn't working for me anymore. His response? "I'm not looking for a relationship."

Two days ago I asked him out, but he replied quite angrily, "I already told you I don't want a relationship!" Yet just before I asked him out he said he thought about me the day before, and that he wanted to cuddle with me even though he normally hates it.

I really want a relationship with Adam and not just a friends with benefits relationship! Is there any way I can convince him?

Bonny's response: It's highly unlikely that you'll ever get more from this guy other that what you've already had. If you want more than friends with benefits, it's time to end the interaction and find someone who wants the same thing you do, as he's been very clear with you that he's not interested in anything else. Try next time you meet someone you're attracted to and interested in to be upfront from the start about what you're looking for. In the meantime? Forget about this guy. Don't call, email, text or otherwise get in contact with him. Don't reply to his obviously disrespectful requests - you don't want just sex while he's pushing for it - and invest your energy into meeting someone who is on the same page and respectful of your needs.

But you tell me readers: can Melanie turn this friends with benefits relationship into something more? If so, how? If no, why not? Or, share your friends with benefits story.

Another reader Friends with Benefits question

Comments
July 21, 2009 at 8:52 am
(1) Chris says:

Why would any woman want to “convince” a guy to want a relationship with her? Then what you have is something that you will be insecure about because you forced it and that’s not a healthy relationship…if it’s considered a realationship at all. I agree 100% with the advise given in that you should move on and don’t look back. You are young and there are guys out there that are on the same page as you. Don’t make yourself desperate when you have no reason to be.

July 21, 2009 at 2:04 pm
(2) kb says:

you can’t make someone want something they don’t. He said he doesn’t want a relationship with you-believe him. That’s really all you can do in this situation. Only be friends with benefits with guys that YOU ALSO don’t want a relationship with.

August 16, 2011 at 5:09 am
(3) nisa says:

“Only be friends with benefits with guys that you also don’t want a relationship with” Great advise…..lol

September 27, 2011 at 8:33 am
(4) kb says:

ok but how can i make him or she want what she or he dont like.

July 22, 2009 at 1:00 pm
(5) LaDy says:

Don’t do this….I’ve been in this situation, and I’m living it now….and though he and I have been friends for 16yrs to date; we been in a relationship the last 7, and it sucks. I hurt everyday about it, we talked about what we wanted and the goals we were going to set. But the issue is, neither one of us is happy, and he keeps referring to how in love he was with the friendship. Don’t do it…and I’m 20 years older than you…so please listen. And I wasn’t giving the bedroom benefits, I was keeping his mom who suffers Alzheimer’s and he took me for granted. So don’t do it.

October 15, 2011 at 9:54 am
(6) Amy says:

OMG…I am you but I am only 6 months into this…You have just become my light…my slap in the face…TOTAL WAKE UP CALL. I am 36 years old and I want kids, why am I sitting here waiting for him to change his mind, when he made it up months ago. Funny part is, when we met, he wanted to be my BF and I didn’t want him. Hell if I know how it got turned around on me, but I am not waiting around for something that is NEVER going to happen.

Would love to talk to you sometime…I could use some advice…I am in Jersey.

July 22, 2009 at 1:02 pm
(7) LaDy says:

And this can be turned into a relationship…but only if you walk away. He may mature, and sometime we don’t know what we have until it’s gone. So walk away!

November 5, 2011 at 2:37 pm
(8) SDivaW says:

Stop being a hoe. You slept with him too quick and you honestly think he wants you. He may have on the first date but when you give it up before 90 days, he looks at you as easy and it’s on to the next. This CAN’T be turned into a relationship. When you spread your legs it was over.

July 23, 2009 at 11:01 am
(9) claudia luiz says:

We can’t always choose who we fall in love with – that’s the problem – and you have fallen. We can’t always fall in love with the “right” people. Because we are irrational human beings, this happens. It is also irrational that you might, on some level, enjoy the “chase” and responding to his teases. Sometimes, these relationships, even when they end up in excruciating pain, are important stepping stones. No-one can tell you not to make a mistake – you may have to learn for yourself that a man who says he doesn’t want a relationship has serious problems to work through. Even if he lets you know that despite himself he can’t resist wanting to be close to you, he still can’t give himself over to real intimacy. If this is where you are too, yearning for intimacy but desiring a frustrating chase for it, his ultimate rejection will cure you so you can move on. I say go for it…

November 13, 2011 at 11:35 am
(10) alived says:

Great Advise Claudia!!!!

July 24, 2009 at 9:31 am
(11) Benoit says:

Why did you give it out so easily to begin with? He did not have to invest very heavily in you to get the goods and he probably doesn’t respect you. I mean, if you gave it up because that’s what you wanted, then great. But don’t expect that being easy is going to translate into great relationships very often. Perhaps more dates and closed legs would have been a better path to either establishing that relationship you wanted or finding out it wasn’t going to stick. Good luck.

August 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm
(12) Lainey says:

She was asking for helpful ideas and advice, not judgmental puritanical criticism. Nicer words would probably go a lot further in helping her situation.

August 20, 2011 at 12:38 am
(13) michelle says:

I feel your pain I’m in the exact situation I’m 35 and he is a lil older. He’s in a relationship which I didn’t knw at first, but once I found out I was already hooked. I’ve tried numerous times to break it off begging him not to contact me cause I was in LOVE with him. He still does and tells me he knows he can call or text anytime and I will come running or him over here, it did go like that for a while and he will not leave her, but why shld he he has his cake and eat it too. So its been 3 weeks and I keep turning him down its hard, but if u love it set it FREE!

August 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm
(14) surfrider says:

Why is it automatically assumed that when a woman gives into her desires that she is “easy” Why isn’t he considered a gigloo, slut, cheap, easy…he quickly gave it up not investing more than probably a few minutes. The Woman’s Sexual Revolution is here we don’t have to apologize for anything we do. The days of binding us in corsets, petticoats, and behind closed doors is over. A woman is never to blame for her passion and desire.

September 10, 2011 at 8:32 am
(15) savvyB says:

Surfrider – I totally agree with you! Way to go….what a breath of fresh air! About time people start realising this! Man or woman…it should be the same principle….Neither is superior to the other. And yes we absolutely do not have to apologise for anything we do… WORD!

September 20, 2011 at 12:37 am
(16) lady bug says:

You’re probably one of the same people who cries objectification when a woman is half naked, dancing in a sexual manner on a music video.

November 11, 2011 at 12:52 pm
(17) MissUniiQue says:

sooo Truee!!

September 10, 2011 at 12:31 am
(18) Jeny says:

Ummm, i dont think, this guy already know what he wanted no mmatter how much dates he would have had with her. I have to friends that wrnt to bed fast, and they end happily married, because both where looking for a relationship. It depends is both are looking for the same thing, if not, you must run away or if he is a good person just be friends, without benefits, if he doesnt want only friends, he just want to use you for sex.

November 20, 2011 at 5:24 am
(19) Twinkle-Twinkle says:

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol that did make me laugh!

July 24, 2009 at 12:53 pm
(20) Trevor H. says:

Are there NO women that see absolutely no problem with being “friends with benefits”? Friends that fulfill human desires without throwing love into the equation?

The thought comes to me how impossible the concept is to most if not all. There’s ALWAYS going to be attraction. That’s why you’re having sex in the first place. Actually, if you were to just take away the “friends” part, you’d just have two strangers having sex. Boom. That’s it. Simple. Why is it so damn hard for some people to understand this concept?

March 10, 2011 at 11:12 pm
(21) Briana says:

Because she has feelings for him and she wants more. He doesn’t. She can’t just continue to sleep with this guy cuz she’s going to get even more hurt. Yeah fwb and one nighters are fun but not when you want something more emotionally from your partner.

July 22, 2011 at 3:56 am
(22) Arby says:

Trevor: I agree with your comment. And I’m saddened by the fact that those who think like we do are forced to knock love even though we don’t actually have any problem with it, due to the fact that so many others use the word the way they do.

And I don’t agree with the commenters who seem to have their own issues and somehow find this guy Adam – who we don’t know just from this bit of reportage – to be morally off. It’s Melanie’s position, not Adam’s moral rectitude, that we are assessing, so why beat up on Adam who has done nothing wrong? But there’s nothing new here. Folks with issues act strange sometimes, and sometimes that strange behavior can be alarming, as when it involves abusing in some way total strangers who can’t defend themselves.

Bonny’s advice in this situation seems right to me. I don’t think – from what I’ve seen over time from Bonny – we have the same moral code, but I’m wondering whether any two people on the planet do, a good reason perhaps for everyone to think twice before they try forcing their views, and, directly or indirectly, their ‘perfect’ moral codes on others.

July 24, 2009 at 2:17 pm
(23) gpshunter says:

Here’s a couple of cheesy quotes that hit this one squarely on the head:

“Never make a priority of someone who only makes you an option”

“Never give the best of you to those who don’t invest in you.”

I’m sorry you are in this situation…I’ve been there and it really sucks. Hopefully you have found someone who deserves you.

July 26, 2009 at 6:27 pm
(24) Laura says:

He sounds like a jerk. A guy who plays mind games can be dangerous. Leave him and go find someone better!

July 27, 2009 at 12:25 am
(25) DesertRose says:

This type of relationship only works out in the movies; rarely if ever in real life.
Cheers,
DesertRose

July 27, 2009 at 12:30 am
(26) DesertRose says:

Relationships like this only work out in the movies; rarely in real life.

July 29, 2009 at 9:05 am
(27) Tom Head says:

It sounds to me like the problem is him, not you, and if that’s the case there’s nothing you can really do to change the situation.

How does the lovely old song go? “I can’t make you love me if you don’t”…?

July 30, 2009 at 12:09 pm
(28) Jeanette says:

What is with us woman that we are such sadists to try to stick it out with a guy who obviously doesn’t want the same. Heck I am 44 and I have done it! Ladies, let’s stop wasting time on these guys, they really don’t deserve us!

July 30, 2009 at 1:05 pm
(29) Suz says:

First of all, FWB is a relationship. Not necessarily the relationship of our dreams but it is a relationship. The name is poorly defining as it includes the word “friend.” I have had nothing but FWB relationships for many years and I have never had them turn into anything but devastation for me thinking each time I could change the outcome. Let’s face it, friends don’t treat friends inconsiderately. If you are feeling as though you are being disrespected, you are not dealing with a friend, you are dealing with a predator and that would be a much more appropriate acronym for this type of relationship…PWB.

July 30, 2009 at 9:15 pm
(30) Kathy says:

The one thing this man has told you is what he wants – only a FWB relationship. I had one of those, but the funny thing was, we only participated in the “benefits” part. Yes, we talked via IM. I dumped him and have never looked back. Take the hint, honey.

July 31, 2009 at 2:52 am
(31) Chris Parker says:

Other posters are dumping on friends with Benefits, but I don’t necessarily see a problem – you can be sweet and sexual together and be content with that. Hell an awful lot of marriages and boyfriend/girlfriends are really just friends with benefits and commitment on top. But you want more, and it isn’t commitment I hear you wanting (now) it is his passion and investment in you (that’s not commitment, it’s about power and attraction).

I don’t see that he’s a jerk. He’s being honest about what he thinks, or what he thinks he thinks.

I too think it’s time to back off (though not necessarily break ALL contact). However I also DO think you have some hope of getting him to go for you in a deeper way.

You know there is already attraction at some level. If there were no attraction, you probably wouldn’t have any hope. But you do, because he is interested in sleeping with you, so there is something to start from.

If you back away (but don’t disappear entirely) you become scarce. Scarcity makes you more desirable and alters the power dynamic – and increases attraction. If you’re chasing him, you don’t give him space to come towards you. Jealousy is dangerous and could send him packing completly, but a little ambiguity and a hint that there might be other people can also change the dynamic and make you seem more desirable.

Perhaps the biggest aphrodisiac is confidence (yours, that is). Take a look at yourself and what you have to offer. Not him specifically, but someone. Have alternatives. Confidence is hard to just create instantly, but you can change how you package yourself and present yourself and emphasize your assets (which changes the messages you give yourself).

I don’t think these things are “games”. Ultimately it’s out of your control, and you can only change your own presentation. So give yourself more power – not out of a desperate attempt to manipulate, but because you are worth claiming your own power. Do that and the specific outcome won’t even matter so much. And paradoxically when it doesn’t matter so much, you are more likely to get it.

October 9, 2010 at 4:55 pm
(32) Jules says:

All I can say is WOW after reading this. And thank u for making me look @ my FWB in a different way. I’ve been w/mine for 7 yrs. He persuaded me while I was married, and is still around. I totally don’t understand why.

March 12, 2011 at 10:47 am
(33) Anon says:

This is one of the best responses I have seen so far. I am in kind of the same situation for a second time and after reading other responses about no respect for yourself by having sex with someone you are attracted disheartened me. Attraction can be a starting point but not always I know!. However one could say the same about relationships, I was in a 10 year relationship which also did not go any where for various reasons – this also started in a friends with benefits situation. I chased the guy for years and didnt feel loved back. Gradually as as I developed more confidence, stood by what I wanted (after 9 years!) he told me he loved me. It was too late as unfortunately I fell out of love with this man and the relationship went down hill in the last year although I tried everything to keep it alive (I still care about him). To any one in this type of situation I would say… have fun, be happy and above all always know you have a choice in what you do or don’t do. You have more chance of being respected by someone if they know you are transparent and honest. Remember to be positive and fun when you meet – negative and needy does not appeal to many people – this is often a driving force to make people run fast! Also I would say dont listen to what others tell you you should and should not, do or get upset by their views. Go with what makes you happy, of course its important to hear peoples experiences/views…But the main view at the end of the day is yours.

July 9, 2011 at 10:18 pm
(34) JM says:

Beautifully and realistically said!

July 9, 2011 at 10:22 pm
(35) JM says:

Beautifully and realistically said! Wow!

November 13, 2011 at 7:34 am
(36) asngal says:

Your comment is worth the time to read..its so enlightening..thanks chris

November 22, 2011 at 3:48 pm
(37) Ayumi says:

Your post is the best one here. Question for you, how do you back off without breaking ALL contact/without disappearing entirely?

July 31, 2009 at 10:12 am
(38) Ron says:

I for one hope this post is still being followed by Melanie, Each and every one of us will have our own opinion and words of advice. Some will be short and sweet and others longwinded. These point of views reflect everything “We the posters” have experienced, scams we’ve pulled to get more than benefits or to simply keep the relationship as it is. Our responses could be our reactions to our own would’ve, could’ve, should’ve after thoughts. My point little sister is this: You asked a question… That question alone tells me you are not very content with the way things are. No matter what anyone of us do we cannot control another’s true feelings and set ourselves up for disaster in deceiving ourselves that we’ve done so. Your question tells me you already have the answer within you and you really don’t all of us to validate that. Someday someone will treasure you just as you are, to them be loving, faithful, helpful, and hopeful for a lasting relationship. “We are only called upon to be our strongest when we are at our absolute weakest”.

August 5, 2009 at 3:50 pm
(39) ebby says:

i dont think that melanie will ever succeed in getting this adam into a relationship. i have a friend with benefits. but is just that. friends with benefits just want to get laid and if try to turn him into more than that then he might end up cheating. some men dont want relationships. plus the single life is wonderful. why not live your life. my advice for melanie is to forget adam and get someone who will really care for her. not some jerk that rejected her like that. my friend with benefits its just strictly friends with benefits. no strings attached. and plus i feel like a woman shouldnt be asking a man out. thats the mans job. but melanie is way to good for adam. melanie: u could find better. keep your options open and keep your head up. adam is no good.

November 24, 2011 at 11:53 pm
(40) Katie says:

I thought I had met the perfect friend. He is actually my producer. Problem is, does business and pleasure really work out if you both have the same passion? I think so. We started off as friends. But he made the first move. He kissed me. Which lead to another 4 months later of make out sessions. It wasn’t till the last month that we finally slept together. I honestly think he is in love with me. But of course I got NOT INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP. My heart was crushed buy why the hell did it take him that long? And there has not been one day so far in 6 months now where we haven’t talked. I just want him to admit he likes me if not fell in love with me. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY TO THINK MEN CAN JUST HIDE THERE TRUE FEELINGS. I dunno whether to cut all ties off and start another business partnership with another producer.but we’ve grown as best friends along the way. It breaks my heart to know he just doesn’t show any emotions Luke the start… What do I do?

August 12, 2009 at 2:45 pm
(41) julie says:

quit tryin to change his words and instead just try to accept them. life will be a lot easier. some guys are really just better as a friend, because a lot changes, wether its him or you.. or moral values.. blah blah.

i understand emotions get in the way, but you dont wanna be with a guy who doesnt want to be with you, right? if he cant give you what you want, dont give him what he wants.

October 3, 2009 at 9:13 am
(42) Maineac says:

I’m a guy in a FWB relationship and me and my friend seem to have the opposite dynamic going on. I want to go to the next step but because she lives with her ex-husband she is not willing to commit to me.. Sometimes I feel like I’m in love and sometimes we act like it.. I’m riding it out because I haven’t felt this good with someone in a long time and I don’t foresee meeting anyone as sweet as her. I hope I end up the 1 out of 10 FWB that actually moves on to love. Good luck to you.

January 19, 2010 at 7:12 pm
(43) jane says:

I was in a FWB and recently ended it.The sex was great,but I started liking him more,and I just don’t see him as a “booty call”anymore.I like him,yes.But he does not want a GF right now…and he says when friends goes ot dating and if it does not work out,it can be bad.Very true…I would hate for that to happen.Just because a man does not want a relationship,he is still going to want sex.A guy can be attracted to a woman,but not want to date her,or have anything serious.He has a busy life right now,it wouldn’t work out prob.So i just want us to be friends,and leave the complicated stuff out.Hopefully it works out.Why buy the cow if he can get milk free right?I think if he is true friend and good guy,he will respect me more.I also think if us women don’t make it so easy for men…they might want us even more.

January 21, 2010 at 11:47 am
(44) Lyn says:

I did want to add that the problem with so many FWBs/casual flings are the mixed messages, as Melanie mentioned. One minute he’s angrily pushing her away, and the next, he’s sweet-talking her. Yuck. That’s the part that is so damaging about these “relationships”. Hopefully, Melanie has moved on by now. Besides, she’s only 20 and has her entire life ahead of her. She doesn’t need to bother with guys like Adam.

March 7, 2010 at 11:06 pm
(45) I feel AWFUL says:

I a girl who has a friend with benefits he said before we had sex that he would remember the night and try to be a couple with me we had practiced having sex by dry humping or getting naked and humping but stoping well when we had sex I was DRUNK and said some bad stuff about him so bad and then I felt bad but then I found out he had a boyfriend he was GAY now it hurts worse

May 26, 2010 at 8:50 pm
(46) Bittersweet says:

I’m 24 and have had 2 friends with benefits relationships in the last 5 years. I know this post is almost a year old but it hits so close to home that I gotta comment…. I agree so much with what Chris Parker wrote, everything he writes is sooo true and I wish I had the strength to follow what he said earlier than I did…problem is you have to make sure your going into a fwb thing with the right intentions and I believe as a woman you need to be confidant in yourself and have a real good sense of who you are and to get out of it as SOON as you start catching feelings. The mistake I made was not doing this….thinking if he hung out with me more and more eventually he would want to be with me…..needless to say that didn’t happen. My self esteem dropped to an all time low and I hit rock bottom. My thoughts were “my body and looks are good enough for him, but my personality isn’t or else he would want to be with me” In retrospect I’ve grown so much as a person through all the crap I went through emotionally with it (thank God I didn’t show it to him) and realized that I myself wasn’t valuing me…and the only thing I thought was good enough for anyone especially men was my body. It takes a certain type of female to be able to be in this type of relationship. This is alot of personal info but if it happens to help any girl think twice before she actually begins a fwb, or help one get out of one…then I’m glad I wrote it.

October 9, 2010 at 5:02 pm
(47) Jules says:

Ik hear you. I’m just seeing Chris’s comment a yr later & he spoke volumes 2 me. I’ll just keep searching. Mine tells me that he doesn’t want me w/other men & he isn’t w/other women but that 2 me isn’t a FWB.

June 8, 2010 at 5:26 pm
(48) I'm one 2 says:

Its clear that your’e changing and your emotional needs are no longer being met or fulfilled from this type of relationship. Move on or risk the potential of severly damaging your self-esteem and the potential for you to have a committed, meaningful relationship with someone else in the future.
View it as a learning experience!
Adam got angry with you because you haven’t been clear about YOUR needs from the start. He on the other hand was being very clear and honest with you. This will not change and you must accept that you are not ‘the right one’ for him to pursue a serious relationship with.
In future let the man do the chasing( this allows them to act out their natural hunter-gatherer instincts) and learn to GAIN enough CONFIDENCE & SELF-LOVE and RESPECT for yourself to hold off on sex until you build up real intimacy and rapport with someone. Only then can you expect real feelings and the potential for love to grow in a relationship. Men know this deep down and will never want a meaningful and serious relationship with a girl who gives in too easily. Men are attracted to girls who are IN CONTROL emotionally and psychologically. Adam has learned to associate your relationship with sex,he will never want you to fulfill all of his emotional and physical needs, just his need for sexual intimacy.

September 5, 2010 at 5:04 pm
(49) Tita says:

I’m livin that case 4 about 5 months n now i’m realy confused coz he never kisses claimin that he never kiss a girl unless he loves her but he tried 2 kiss me twice but he got back , we know every little thing abt each other but love though sometimes he shows n others not

September 18, 2010 at 9:11 am
(50) Miscol says:

Hey. Theres some good advice here. I have been in a fwb relationship almost 2 years, and am trying to end it. My fwb constantly tells me he does not want a relationship, the problem is I have completely fallen for him. I stay at his house 3 -4 nights of the week. Wish someone would of told me the rules of these types of relationships, like no over nites. He used to adore me, but the last few months he has been very distant. He has been hangin out with another married woman, (I am not married), but constantly tells me there is nothing going on. I dont believe it, but he always sweet talks me. Don’t know what to do. Everyday I have knots in my stomach when I think about him. I really thought I could try to get him to love me, but I know he never will. It is very hurtful. I have some major self esteem and trust issues now. Funny thing is, he always told me we are only friends. He told me what he wanted. I don’t understand why we as women always get so wrapped up in this. And why men don’t understand the hurt it causes us.

September 19, 2010 at 9:36 pm
(51) Paige says:

I Like this Guy named Preston, Ive known him for quite awhile, and he like my bestfriend. its odvious he likes me, he amazing, i need some advise! how do i tell him i like him as a boyfriend, without him freakin out and problaly get annoyed by me?

October 14, 2010 at 11:18 am
(52) tracy says:

Ok I have had two of these and I am currently testing the waters as to how these relationships work. In my experience, If you dont want the guy and remain that way and leave, you have a 75% percent chance in time and distance he will want more later…..If you dote on the man and go with what he says and compromise your integrity it will flop, maybe not right away but years from now it will and you will kick yourself in the ass, so to speak, for wasting your time later. Now I’m currently playing the game of cat and mouse, being honest and genuine with what I want and need from the beginning and its up to the guy if he wants to continue, but at least he knows what I want and need and I pull back more. So in the end I have no idea what will happen, I enjoy all the chemistry we have and I know if it doesnt get serious at least I know Ive gained a great friend.

October 21, 2010 at 2:35 pm
(53) Jbrumford says:

Well, I’ll say this You can turn a friends w/ benefits situation into a relationship but it depends on where both people are mentally and emotionally in their lives at the current time and it also depends on how you genuinely feel about each other. Quite honestly most relationships start out as friends, then the benefits come in and then the committment. But the best thing to do if you want to turn the tables on a relationship is to walk away, cut off the benefits and cut off contact. Whether men want to admit it or not they often think of the women that have left their lives. For some reason you become more significant to them when you are confident enough to walk away. You have to make him work to come back into your life though as to pursue what it is you want to be on the same page about it, either he’ll step up or step out.

However, after reading this scenario it is the prime example of a friends w/ benefits that won’t become anything more than what it is. Not just women get wrapped up into this either. I understand that sometimes we start out saying it’s cool to be casual because we often don’t know what we want until we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of what we don’t want…just get it right the next time.

November 1, 2010 at 1:15 pm
(54) east meets west says:

I am an older woman who recently met a much younger
man. We’re keeping it hush, hush as we live/work in the
same development. Here’s the thing…
After weeks of talking I made the first move. He said
he is very shy and was afraid of being rejected.
We’ve been together every night since. He had
mentioned that we’re FWB BUT when he sees me
walking around the development he wants to give
me a hug. I was married for 30 years so I’m not
looking for marriage. He was married several times,
so again he’s not looking for marriage.
His birthday is next week. I wanted to give him
a little something with a card. Should I hold off
knowing that he doesn’t want a relationship or
give it to him anyway just as a nice gesture?
Do you think by giving him a gift he might just
come around and want something more then
what we have now?
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. I only
have until next thurs. so I will be awaiting a reply.
Thanks everyone!

December 10, 2010 at 10:39 am
(55) skywalker says:

When you were preparing to ask him for a relationship, you should have known that it will end in 2 possibilities: first, he also wanted a relationship but he afraid to break the friendship that’s why he didn’t say it, so this is the happy ending. Or second possibility he just wanted sex and don’t want a relationship, in this case you have to walk away coz there’s no turn back anymore.
In my experience, the first one is very unlikely and only happens in movie and novel.

December 17, 2010 at 5:10 pm
(56) Honey says:

If a guy really wants you, he will work for it. Sure, you may have started out friends with benefits, but if he wants more he’ll do anything in his power to keep you in his life. You went on a DATE first, right? It’s obvious he wanted to date you. Where did this idea of Friends with Benefits surface? Now, he just sounds confused because he may have deeper feelings than he is willing to admit. In my experience (I’m 45) w/ men older and younger, pay attention to what they say, how they say it, and their behavior. My FWB partner and I took our 20 year friendship to another level of FWB after over a year of him asking, which is a sexual relationship w/no strings attached, no commitment and pure pleasure. We won’t have it any other way. We do “check” ourselves quite frequently by way of straight up talk just to make sure we are both accepting of the rules of this FWB relationship. We know what our relationship consists of, but we also know we have a deep attraction, both physically and mentally, for each other. I know this because we have shared this with each other. His life and my life are way too busy and we live over an hour away from each other, so when we do have our interludes, which went from 2 hours to several overnight stays with about a 3 hour break where we sleep side by side and then go at it again. We have been in this FWB relationship for 8 months, which is a record for most FWB relationships. Interested others come and go and we talk about those too, of course, but we are addicted to each other. If we were both looking for LOVE, we could say we’ve found it, but because neither one of us can commit to a more serious relationship due to many factors, this FWB relationship works for us because we are so attracted to each other and enjoy every minute we spend together. In the meantime, we are taking it day by day, week by week, month by month.

December 30, 2010 at 6:38 pm
(57) kbj says:

omg! when I read your post it mirrored my situation almost exactly except i have doing 2 yrs and 2 months with my Fwb and we are 45 and 49

September 27, 2011 at 8:38 am
(58) kb says:

i have a problem right now can oyu help me out ?

January 21, 2011 at 10:05 am
(59) Susan says:

Guys love FWBs. Its called free milk and cow.. Friends with benefits allows a guy to woo you and at the same time openly disrespect you and drop you at any moment. All while you get more attached when he calls to romance you for a night with sex as the objective. Been there did that, the FWB is painful.
The only way it has ever worked is (don’t get attached) meet once a week and don’t call at all through the week except to verify the date you meet. Someday you will realize you ar ebeeter than that if a relationship is what you desire.

January 31, 2011 at 9:43 pm
(60) Caroline says:

i am at the apparent end of a 3 year fwb relationship. We started out going on dates and that all ended after a few months. At first, I didnt realize that I wanted a relationship. Once I did, I was told this wasnt something he was looking for at this time. We would end it for a few weeks, then go right back to where we left off. He has said he loves me, is in love with me and thinks about me all day, every day, how we have a connection that is unlike anything else. I agree completely. 2 days ago, he told me he met someone. In a text. Then it turned into an ex girlfriend that he never stopped caring about. I am heartbroken. He says he wants to be friends. We have never actually been friends. So why start now. I believe its to keep me around just in case this other situation doesnt work out. Which I hope it doesnt. He gets to keep me in his life and I get to be devastated every day? I deserve so much more than this. We are to meet to talk in 9 days. What do i do? Do I meet with him? He knows I want more and am extremely hurt. I actually love him and wish I didnt. So how do I walk away with out hearing anything? The problem is I am 8 years older than him. Its not a problem for me, but it seems to be the only reason I can think of. If I dont go, I will always wonder. But if I do go, there is the potential to be hurt even more. Help!

February 6, 2011 at 5:50 pm
(61) manicdancer says:

If u have a fwb and u want something serious leave em alone and tell him why u want to end it if he comes back remind him of what u want if he can give u what u want leave it alone dont waste ur time to many fishes in the sea and not enough time in the world remember time enregy and the attention u give someone is valuable dont waste it on something thats nothing. i had to learn that but whats funny he wont stop callin and i wont awnser cause fwb dont work for me .

February 22, 2011 at 2:40 pm
(62) Celi says:

Wow, I enjoyed reading all the comments on this FWB. I especially enjoyed what Chris Parker wrote. I have always been in serious relationships and took a break and learned being single wasn’t so bad. The thought of getting into a relationship nearly scared me so I made sure to be completely upfront when i would go on a date. After some time I finally met this guy who is 8 years older. (I’m 30 he’s 38. We both were married previously and though I’ve been divorced longer he isn’t freshly divorced (a year). Time doesn’t really matter but anyway. We hit it off great. When we kissed it was electrifying and our chemistry was on point. We went on a few dates and then he told me that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. I then said well I feel the same way though I wouldn’t have brought it up with this guy because I had already given this guy 2 – 3 dates because he was interesting to me. I would have just seen if it evolved into something. So since we agreed that we wouldn’t make it serious right now we then continued to date. It sure as hell felt like a relationship in private and in public. But no labels. I kept the sex out of it for about a month in a half and as soon as we did I felt it was important to reassess the where we both were. He then agreed and we said putting a label on it for bf/gf wouldn’t change anything so why do it. So thats where the no strings attached happened. At first I was completely ok with it. I went away for the weekend to see some friends and did my own thing but then a few weeks past and I realized I was actually starting to like him.

February 22, 2011 at 2:42 pm
(63) Celi says:

Continued post……
We don’t hang out much during the week, maybe once or twice but normally on the weekends we are doing something together. Well I finally in a sincere way told him I liked him, and he froze and said becareful. I was stunned by this because the way he acted toward me (calling me babe, baby, good night babe, how was your night last night babe, etc, kissing, hugging, and acting very affectionate in public, around his friends, etc rang bells that he was possibly feeling the same but to scared to say it). Me being not a shy person decided to be true to myself and to him. Ugh I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to leave his place and he said he over reacted and asked me to stay. I finally agreed but also told him there must be a reason he froze from me just telling him I liked him. It meant just that, nothing more. Of course i also want a relationship and more later whether its with him or some one else. Either way, the next morning I acted like everything was fine, joked and was playful and we talked about what we would do that day. Turned out he had things to “take care of” but we might go to the movies that night. No problem! I left his place with him saying “ok babe, I will call you later and maybe we’ll go to the movies”. I said “whenver”. I have not heard from him since. I have also not made any contact. I just don’t know how long to wait. It’s been 3 days and not a peep. Normally I initiate the contact with a text but I’ve not done this so I wonder if he’s wondering or even caring, rather I wonder if he’ll ever contact me. Chris Parker gave me a sense of hope but I do know I’m to good to not be true to myself and walking away to something that was about to make me fall is probably the best thing unless he changes his tune. It just sucks because we get along so well and truly enjoy each others company. Anyway further advice from anyone?

March 12, 2011 at 7:02 pm
(64) L says:

FWBs are 98% a no-win situation for the woman. Because of the nature of the relationship either of you could be dating others, but usually the women don’t. And if he’s spreading the love around he’s creating a physical barrier to any real intimacy. The second you make him uncomfortable for any reason he just moves on to the other FWB he’s got. I really don’t know why they bother calling it a friendship because it’s unlikely he’s a real friend to you. and in terms of risk, the women are taking on way more risk than the men for something with little return.

And oh hell, I really hate it when men approach me for an FWB and they’re bad in bed. Not only am I not going to get any of my emotional needs met he expects me to train him??? Waste of time. I’ve only ever met one man who really should be shared with the world – he was incredibly selfless when it came to sex. Of course, he’s ruined me for any man who’s followed which is why I don’t do casual sex/FWB anymore. I’ll have to put up with a lot of mediocre BS and get nothing out of it. so sad

March 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm
(65) give me nothing ill give you nothing right back says:

So reading all these posts made me think about my “fwb”… I have two or had two, now I only have 1…let me start of with my first excperience… I am 19yrs old and my first fwb is 25… We met at our workplace and are college students, therefore we had no free time. He tried talking to me for a month until we finally went out on a movie date, then he would invite me to dinners, lunch, little dates etc… But once after a few months of dating we had sex, after that he got a new job and had “less” time than before I told him I liked him and he said he did too, but I’m sure it was bs point is I let it lose, I still txt back here and there but haven’t had contact in months, best decisio I made because I was beginning to like him.
Now, I shouldve learned from my previous “fwb” but I’m in a seconf fwb relationship. My “buddy” and I have “rules” where we can only mess with each other and no one else. We go out to eat at times go out even if its just dancing, he is just 20.. Now I’m scared to like him also.. So is it too late to make him my bf? Should I bother? He’s a flirt and tells me he doesn’t want a relationship and I gave him the same response. That I have my priorities set and its not a guy… We always tallk/text everyday. We go to the gym together ever so often and some of his friends know about us?? What does it mean? What should I do?

September 14, 2011 at 11:54 am
(66) kelly johnson says:

I’m dating this guy, he says he can’t committ but I say ok then I guess its ok for us to see other people right? he tells me NO! I dont want you to see other people, but dont you think that is unfair to me if he can’t committ? I should have the right to see other people if he can’t committ.

May 15, 2011 at 6:24 am
(67) Sara says:

I agree with the posters who think that Melanie should move on, it’s been a while since her original question so I wonder if there will be any follow up from her?

I’m a woman and I guess I am surprised to read some of these posts. Especially the post that says that FWB is a 98% lose situation for the women. I’ve had three FWBs. 2 out of the 3 wanted a relationship with me and I didn’t want one. The third one worked great, neither of us wanted a relationship with the other one. All of them were fairly short-lived (just a few months each) and satisfied our need for sex and physical closeness without the drama of a full-blown relationship. We were both upfront and honest about what we wanted, and we got it (although the 2 guys changed regarding what they wanted, and neither of them was what I wanted for a relationship otherwise I would never have done the FWB in the first place, so I ended things).

Take control, ladies! Only have an FWB set-up if it is on YOUR terms, otherwise NEVER have one. Don’t hang around torturing yourself!!!
<3 Sara

July 5, 2011 at 6:03 pm
(68) Meghan says:

This is my jumbled mixed advice! Take any of it that you feel applies to you and go with it!

I feel he is just confused because you are 20 and he is 24. He feels more like your baby sitter than your partner, especially when he cant take you out for a drink. No guy wants to show his interest off to his friends at Chucke-cheese!

From experience, if you want to win the guy over, make it seem like you dont care so dont come off as needy, make HIM work for it, let your sexy confidence show, and if you are looking for something serious go and find it! If this guy is being a big pansy about how he feels about you go out and find a REAL man who is looking for the same things you are.

Or if you really feel like he is the one why is a label necessary if you two are happy being around eachother. My mom always says “distance makes the heart grow fonder” and “if you love something let it go, and if it never comes back it was never yours to love” If he loves you he will come back, and if not you are making room and opening your arms for the one you belong with :) Good luck girl!

July 8, 2011 at 2:44 am
(69) winilly says:

She probably could by abstaining from having sex and only interacting with him as long as he shows respect for her. No one will ever love a person they can’t respect. This is tough and the guy doesn’t sound like he’d be worth all the effort in the end. Chances are he’d just say what he had to get him to sleep with him again and she’d take any compromise as a lot more serious than it is.

July 21, 2011 at 12:36 pm
(70) honestyisrare says:

I am in the situation right now, totally in love with my fwb! it’s been only 2 months, and we both have such a connection, we could stare in eachothers eyes for hours.. i broke my contact with him for three weeks, then he came back asking me out!! late at night when he was drunk, but stupid me I missed him so much.. so I thought I will go and see if he has changed at all! i got candles, wine and romantic music.. and he was happy to see me, we kissed and we danced.. he made me feel like he wanted ME not only my body.. AGAIN i fell for it.. Player mind games. Now … I decided not to see him anymore, because he already told me he didn’t want a relationship.. thats why I cut contacts in the first place.. and now.. i got my low self esteem to re-build, and my heart to heal.. shittiest part is that I am scared I may not trust any guy the way I trusted him again, such a shame, since he doesn’t deserve niether my time, my body nor my heart..

July 22, 2011 at 4:08 am
(71) Arby says:

I’m absolutely mystified by this! Bonny’s blog post is dated July 22, 2011. That would mean that she put this post up not long ago. It’s 4:06am for me right now. One, How did so many posts appear so quickly. How is that there are posts dated from well before this post by Bonny? What am I missing here? I check in on Bonny’s dating blog often enough. Numerous times a week. So it’s not like I am accidentally posting to an old, old blog post.

July 22, 2011 at 3:44 pm
(72) Bonny says:

I’m traveling right now on a working vacation. Sometimes I recycle and update older yet still relevant blog posts when I don’t have the ability or time to write something new while on the road – and thus the replies dated quite some time ago.

July 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm
(73) Arby says:

Very well. Thanks. Later…

July 25, 2011 at 5:52 am
(74) Verdopple deine Dates says:

If you want, anything is possible in a very nice round here.

July 22, 2011 at 6:51 pm
(75) Emily says:

It IS possible yet unlikely. I had a FWB situation that began last fall…no feelings at all, just totally FWB. No intention of having a relationship. It ended up growing and evolving and a few months ago, we started having feelings for each other. We are now stronger than ever…but I’ve found most cases end in heartbreak. Don’t get me wrong, it’s certainly been a roller-coaster with him but the good definitely outweighs the bad.

July 25, 2011 at 4:37 pm
(76) LovesAnimals says:

This is sooooo crazy…. I knew I wasn’t alone in how I’m feeling but so many people feeling the same way? He has been nothing but honest with me saying he doesn’t want a committed relationship but being the emotional person I am I “read” into actions and drunk talk and think it’s something more… He even said some of his drunk talk while sober so I’m thinking he just doens’t want labels on things… We didn’t hang out much during the week cause of work and all but pretty much one night on the weekends or all day even. We started to see each other for a few hours at night during the week even… We would text/talk every single day. At first he called me by my name or sweetie or something like that and then he started calling me baby and we started hanging out with some of his friends going out and he didn’t care if people knew about us…

July 25, 2011 at 4:38 pm
(77) LovesAnimals says:

Continued…I’m a little older than him but just as good looking as anyone his age plus I support myself successfully…. He started talking about future things like saying in a year we should do this…. and saying we to things which signifies to me a sort of relationship without lables… Then one night drunk he asked why I’m so good to him and I was honest and told him I loved him and and slowly the dynamics changed between us and the every day contact dwindled away and hanging not hearing from him for days at a time and mostly not hearing from him over the weekend. It’s been over a year and even one of his friends referred to me as his girlfriend but now it feels like he’s just completely lost interest. He was the one who made comments and took it to a more intimate place to begin with… but at the same time always said he didn’t want a relationship and he was not good in them… I’m confused on his actions and what he says but from all the comments I’ve read…. I should just let him be and let him go shouldn’t I? I’m just going to continue to hurt being in this situation wanting it to be more than it will ever be…. funny thing is I was happy when it was just fwb and us hanging out every so often and he’s the one who stepped it up and made it feel like a relationship. He even referred to himself as my boyfriend a couple of times… All I know is that my feelings are true love and I think the situation is definately a no-win for me… any comments… even though I already know the answer :(

July 28, 2011 at 11:24 am
(78) What? says:

If an intimate relationship is not friends with benefits then what is and what is the intent? To care and allow to be free or to own, use, manipulate for your own purposes.

August 4, 2011 at 2:30 pm
(79) What? says:

To care, be kind, be truthful, verbal integrity, physical integrity, relationship integrity, not complicate life, passion, pleasant energies, pleasant thoughts, calm communication, create a clear paradise I live in in my brain every moment, no need for another individual to do what I do, no need for another individual to believe what I believe, understanding of entitlement to live without external inteference in my life, self sufficient.

Love is freedom. When above principles are inside in to fill the brain love overflows through the body and brain to another in behavior, actions, energies. Love is from inside in until love overflows.

No one loses anyone else. An individual can only lose themself. Negative emotions are a lie that the brain has been told by the self, that the brain incorrectly believed due to incorrect perspective, due to previous generations putting incorrect information into new brains.

August 4, 2011 at 1:09 am
(80) Jean says:

I’m new to the fwb. Been in this relationship for 1 1/2 years. I fell totally in love & still am. He on the other hand says it’s more than fwb for him & we are in an exclusive relationship but not committed. He says he’s not happy with our relationship as it is, but not sure if he wants to commit to me. He confuses the heck out of me. I do look at other men & try to stay open to meeting someone else, but always find myself comparing them to the qualities I love in him & no one else comes close. I was in a 30+ year marriage & know what I want. He’s been single for about 25 years. I think he’s scared half to death of having to answer to someone. For now, I’m keeping my eyes open while enjoying my relationship with him & working on me. If it’s meant to be it’ll happen & if not, I’ll either fall out of love or find someone else or he’ll hurt the heck out of me, but I will survive! The sad & scary thing is I know people who end up settling & marry someone else because they can’t have the one they want or have been single looking for “the one” for 20+ years & I really don’t want either of these senarios to happen & at the same time can see it possibly happening.

August 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm
(81) Luvcee says:

Hi Honey,

My situation is very similar. I told him that it’s best
to be honest with each and have an open communication.
We have great conversations and great sex. It feels
more like making love than just sex. He says he
enjoys my company and that I’m great. So, what
is the problem? Why do I feel so insecure? How do
I keep confident and not worry. I keep saying to myself
that men needs trust, understanding and space.
FWB relationship have been going on for over a year.
Our communication through email since he lives
500 miles away. So he mentioned he may not get
back to me right away, but he will get back. So, why
do I feel uneasy when he doesn’t respond to email
after a couple of days. I need to learn to be patient and
confident. I haven’t heard from him for over a week now.
I have to be strong and not email him. I’m confident he will
get back to me soon?

August 18, 2011 at 12:15 am
(82) Jean says:

It does sound very similar to my situation. It is hard for me to stay strong as well. However, I am determined that I am not going to chase or beg him to love me. I’m sure he will get back to you as well, as relationships like that don’t come easy. He won’t be able to replace you that easy. It’s just sad that it may never be more than what it is as I’d really love to have the contact daily.

September 19, 2011 at 9:05 pm
(83) jacqueline says:

Iam feeling completely humiliated after reading all these posts,3 years and 2 months for my FWB (or so i thought we were iin a relationship) until we had an argument the other nite and i was informed we were “just friends” so why was i upset. Now i am really fuming i actually got a spine and told him for the first time a week ago what i wanted and what i thought we were in and now he says he needs space. Iam trying to not text him or phone him but my stomach is in knots i feel like throwing up. He is 10 yrs younger then me, him being 38. I have been divorced for 8 years now and love him and we have had 3 great years until now i find out it was really kind of a fake relationship. I am having such a hard time dealing with feeling like such a looser and loss of confidence (I used to be a very confident business women) now i feel like a broken hearted highschool girl that cant concentrate on my job, I am hating myself right now for being so stupid!

August 18, 2011 at 11:48 pm
(84) Donyale says:

I am into two FWB men. I can’t call it a relationship because it is not. I only call one of them if I want sex. It is difficult not to get attached to them. I want a relationship, but it seems as if men just want sex. “Why buy the cow when they can get the milk for free?” I am thinking about just not having sex anymore until I meet someone who wants more than sex, because really that is all it is to my two FWB. They are just with me until they find the perfect woman that they want. It is sad but people are going to do exactly what you allow them to do to you.

August 25, 2011 at 4:33 pm
(85) DD says:

I have been in a fwb thing for 1.6 years. I want to say thank you the person that finally said what I feel… FWB IS A RELATIONSHIP! I entered the situation with no communications and no expectations, it just happened. Now that i have been put in situations where i have been direspected several times I AM DONE. He will keep calling cause it has always worked in the past…I always text back, and if i don’t he will call. We have mutual friends and he acts like he doesn’t even know me in social settings, even tho half of them know what we do. I feel completely stupid at this point, BUT the sex was good…I just know that I can’t handle this type of situation. At 1st i was good, I was maintaining, but once we became comfortable and started seeing each other more often (3x wk) thats when i started to catch feelings, he knows i care. I care about my self more than I care about him… Cut him off hunny! Think about the positives and not the loss, cause all ur loosing is sex! Invest in a good dildo!

August 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm
(86) MC says:

So I’m pretty sure I am in a FWB situation, but its complicated (you tell me after you read this!)… We’ve worked together for about a year now; mutual friends, but never really good friends. One day we run into each other at the same event, have a couple laughs, and go on. I decided to send him a text to razz him… he texts me back later, no biggie. Then the weekend rolls around and he asks what I was up to. We go out for a little while then back to his place… makeout… I spend the night but NO SEX. Over the next couple of weeks, this happens again twice. We get together, talk for awhile, maybe watch some TV, get in bed and just snuggle for the night.
Fourth time we hang out, looks like its going to be the same routine… then it happened. And it was AMAZING sex. A few weeks later we hang out again. This time he opens up; we talk about our family, ambitions, goals, secrets, etc. for hours and we end up have sex again.
We hardly ever talk in between these times, but when we’re together we always have a great time, have a lot in common, no drama at all. I’m not looking for a full-blown relationship right now, and I don’t feel like he is either, and we’ve never discussed our “status”, but I would like to have some kind of idea on what’s going on, but too afraid to ask him! Any advice from anybody who’s been in a similar situation? Is this FWB or something else?

August 26, 2011 at 8:46 pm
(87) cween says:

it is FWB, since you guys do things together especially sex but have no commitment.

August 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm
(88) kendra says:

I Have a guy that is living with me and we are friends with benifits and i am feed up with it and i want him to move out

September 4, 2011 at 1:35 am
(89) Tess says:

Yes…she can walk away – he may regret the loss. But then she has to play it really cool – and don’t give the milk away! I agree with the other though, why would you want to make someone want more? Women have to realize they have the power…may sound old fashined but its true…once you give up the power – you have more cards to play.

September 4, 2011 at 5:17 pm
(90) Candy says:

I met a guy on the internet 10 months ago – we hit it off really well immediately. We met up for drinks and conversation on 3 occassions – once to a bar, and twice at his place but NO SEX, then in January he invited me to his place and we ended up having sex, it was amazing! Soon after that the contact seemed to dwindle and become less and less, and then just by chance I found out that he was meeting up with other women from the internet – I was devastated. I had caught feelings for him, and I didn’t even realise it. I tried to talk to him about where we were going as a couple, he did not want to discuss it. I found it hard to approach him on ths subject. He came to my place for lunch the day before Valentines, he did not buy me a card/present or wish me anything. I was so disappointed. I had bought a present for him and finally decided not to give it to him, I still have it. We had amazing sex that day and he left a few hours later, I asked him to stay the night, but he said he couldn’t due to a business trip early the next morning, I felt used, and decided to cut all contact. I managed it for 5 months with him sending IMs every so often. He has now started chasing me again full on, and its hard to resist, and he has since told me that he did not mean to hurt me, or to give me the impression that he was using me because he is not, he says he is really attracted to me, but not to the point where he wants to commit – I miss him and think about him alot and about the amazing sex we had together. Has he changed, does want something more with me, or is still just about the sex. I met a guy just over a week ago, we got talking, he seems nice, he gave me his business card, and asked me to call him. I left it nearly a week before I sent him an email, he replied almost immediately, and he said he would like us to catch up when he is back. What should I do?

September 4, 2011 at 5:35 pm
(91) Candy says:

What should I do? I still feel hung up, over the other guy.

September 5, 2011 at 10:16 pm
(92) Jean says:

Candy, I feel for you! I know exactly how your feeling & don’t know either. I know women who end up settling for someone who does love them, but they are still in love with the other guy, just because they don’t want to be alone or in the fwb relationship. I personally don’t want to settle. Then, I also know women who have stayed single for years because of they don’t want to settle. This isn’t something I want either. So what do you do? Right now, I’m not seeing the fwb guy & am sooo lonely. I like alot of touch & although I try to keep busy with work, it still leaves me with emptiness. I say I’m not seeing him… It’s been 2 weeks since we were intimate & 6 days since I saw him (I’ve been seeing him for 1yr 9mos & we’ve had sex 1-2x a week til now). I work with him one day a week as a volunteer & am considering quitting even tho I love the work & the other people as well as the cause. But he calls me rarely & when I’ve really missed him or gotten really lonely, I’ll call him only to get his voice mail & sometimes he may return my call. I just feel like I’m chasing him & that’s not a good feeling. He says he only sees one woman at a time (which I do believe). However, it’s still fwb… no commitment. When we’re together tho, I love the conversations as well as the sex. We have more in common and “like” beliefs than anyone I’ve ever met & I’m 50 so it’s not like I haven’t met very many people. Idk he’s not letting me go completely & I know I deserve better, but like I said I don’t want to settle or be alone, so what do you do?

September 8, 2011 at 5:13 pm
(93) equestrian4444 says:

Ok so I guess I have my own problem along these lines I need help with. Well im going on dates with a guy ten years older than me. Im 18 but I found I’ve fallen in love with this guy. My problem is we both got out of relationships and he dost want one yet and don’t know if he’ll ever want one with me but we have so much in common and have so much fun. Is this right? Does anyone think I have a chance of later becoming more or Idk plz tell me what u think and what u think will happen. And I really do love him too.

September 12, 2011 at 11:38 pm
(94) k says:

I recently entered a fwb relationship mainly because I just needed a physical relationship, but also specified that I would only do oral, not intercourse. He was sooo into me at first, but I can’t help but feel hurt that he doesn’t even want me sexually anymore. Everyone says to wait for someone better, but NO one has ever wanted me consistently and I’m 25.

September 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm
(95) anonymous says:

Hey, everyone. My heart pours out to all you women who had to experience a FWB relationship. I read almost every post. And, it has connected me with all of you either understanding Both women and men. Guys who want to be FWB. I’m curious How long you all have been true ” friends” to begin with. I just had a recent FWB offer. And, saw the warning signs Guys say just to get into your panties. Things like “for some reason, i just TRUST you. I’m not here to break any hearts, i just want to have fun.” He butters you up with compliments. ” hey pretty lady” Insecure girls and women fall for this crap because finally here is someone giving u attention, affection, compliments you should tell yourself and know yourself. This is my first time Hanging out w the dude and he tells me he TRUST me? RUN. He switches the conversation to sex.don’t settleThere are billions of Guys out there that want to give you What you want. You want to attract the right man? You Must VALUE and LOVE YOURSELF. God Bless all of you. “whatever you believe in.. God, Allah May he watch over you. “

September 29, 2011 at 2:15 am
(96) Victoria says:

I’m 22 and have been in a fwb relationship with a friend of mine for about 5 months now. I had been working with him for around three years and never thought I would ever sleep with him. He wasn’t my type and is a couple years younger than me. But, I considered him one of my good friends. When we got closer , we started hanging out a lot more but I still never saw him that way.. I just thought of him as one of my coolest friends who was more like a brother than a potential hook-up. I started to notice he was paying more attention to me and seeing as I was lonely at the time I started to be consider what if? So the night he finally decided to suggest we have sex, I just kinda said what “what the hell?” I thought we would be the exception. He and I got along so well and we always hung out, I figured we would be the exception, we’d be able to have friendship and sex. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Almost overnight the relationship changed. No more hanging out during the day was the first change. (We still work together so that’s probably why we still see eachother.) We have shared friends so we still were at the same parties and get togethers. He began to treat me like I was just some girl and not the friend he had been so keen on. What started out as something that happened at a reasonable hour soon turned in to 3 or 4 in the morning.. and never on my terms. We used to have sex once or twice a week, then it turned in to once every other week. I know this is an unhealthy relationship and is doing more bad than good, but the truth is I feel like this is better than nothing at all. It’s someone I feel sexually comfortable with and on some level, care for because he is one of my close friends. To sum up my incredibly long story, don’t do it unless you are prepared to lose a good friend! And no matter how much you think you’ll be able resist developing feelings, you most likely will end up with them. Friendship is way more important than sex.

October 6, 2011 at 6:02 pm
(97) lexxi says:

After reading all the posts I feel compelled to share my story. I was in a FWB relationship for years on and off again. Being that I was 19 and he was 21 when it started, we both decided that it would be nothing more than FWB. As the time came we dated other people but would end up cheating with each other. So we decided to end any other relationships and just focus on ourselves. Little did I know he had impregnated someone during one of his escapades. They then were forced to marry by their parents.
 
During their one-year marriage we would periodically see each other. I know I sound like a total hussy. Sometime then we realized that we had fallen in love. Once his marriage was over I would receive threatening phone calls from his ex saying she would find me and kick my ass.
 
One day we got into a sort of argument. Ok ok I cried and yelled, he listened and tried to comfort. He received a call from a “friend” while we were hanging out. While on the phone he attempted to fondle me, needless to say I pushed him away. He quickly got off the phone and I asked him to leave my home. He insisted on talking about it, which we did. I told him that I deserved and wanted more. All he could say was that he just wasn’t ready for it. Which I tried to understand, he had just finalized his divorce. But I could not have it continue any longer.
 
That day I decided to move, which I did out of state. I changed my phone number and all. The calls from his ex and his blatant disrespect towards me tore me apart. So I quit my job, packed up all my belongings and left.
 
I was gone a whole ten months. During which he tracked me down using my family and friends. Once he found me he asked me to never leave his side again.
 
Somehow although we skipped having an “exclusive” relationship, I am ending up being Mrs. FWB! We now live back in California. Currently engaged, we love each other.
 
So for the time being we are Engaged Best Friends with ALL the Benefits.
 

October 23, 2011 at 3:51 am
(98) lisa says:

Congrats! Im happy everything worked out for! I wish my relationship could be like ur story!

October 23, 2011 at 3:46 am
(99) lisa says:

Im in a fwb relationship for 4 years but what hurts me the most is that i told him i had feels for him…but doesnt feel the same way about me we even have a beautiful 2 year old together…would u call those feels….if he texts me when he is out of town with his guy friends just to tell me what hes doin and when hes coming back home!

October 23, 2011 at 11:30 pm
(100) Amber says:

Omg don’t do this to yourself. I might be young but i have been through this before and you end up being so depressed after he keeps doing stuff with other girls and stuff. I was trying to make something work with 2 of my best guy friends in my life and it ended up horrible, and ended our friendship. But im happy it didnt work because i found somebody who loves me for me and treats me like gold. Keep your head up and walk away! 7 weeks might be painful but try 7 months.. Of falling for someone and when he finally starts ignoring you which he knew he should of been doing months ago is the most painful experience. Please take my advice

November 13, 2011 at 5:20 pm
(101) sunny says:

Im agree with u sunny the rite thing to do is to walk away from him guys who wants to be friends with benefits are the worst and it will never work the simple…

November 13, 2011 at 5:17 pm
(102) sunny says:

omg i been reading a few messages. great stories, i have the same situation i was an a serios relationship for about 4 years i was engaged i was gonna get married and everything but my ex boyfriend interfered he was always there don’t get married you don’t love him blah blah, at the end i ended it up my engagement my now exboyfriend was a very wealthy guy with a great heart. i dont think i was in love anyway. so after breaking up mu relationship my ex came along . he makes me happy buy he just want to be friends with benefits i never done this before i been always in relationships i dont want to have a friend with benefits so i decided to stop communicating with him, and it has been great we live in a small town so we see each other alot everywhere but i feel gd to actually been the one who ended our friendship no man is going to make feel less and he always did i dont feel sad about ending my serious relation because i was not in love, and i feel great that i ended my friendship with my ex. I think i did the rite thing i rather be alone then unhappy and when the rite guy comes along i will know.

November 20, 2011 at 4:13 am
(103) Sarah says:

hi all… i loved the comment by chirs.
I have similar problem that i am going though these days. I recently started working in a org. When i went on my first interview, there was this guy (AM), who was all the time eyeing me. he works there btw. it took around 3-4 weeks after i got my second call. i went and when i went he was actually HAPPY to see me. had this huge smile on his face. well, i got selected. started working, but we didn’t talk to each other for the first 1, 1 and half month, although we sat in the same office. i have my back towards him, but i can tell every time he is/was watching me. anyways, days passed on, we started talkin, he seemed interested, the spark was there. flirting started, flirting transformed into those wonderful meaningful smiles, he’d at times get lost in my eyes, still does… we spent some time together (cuz of work) and we became touchy touchy, little not too much. he’d wait for me and all. then one night, while we working late, there was no one in the office.. i was on the cell… he came from in front of me, and we kissed… briefly.. but we kissed… it was short n sweet. there was this different feeling.. we both felt it.

November 20, 2011 at 4:15 am
(104) Sarah says:

it has been a complete month since we started this.. i can tell when he’s getting jealous, if i talk to some guy (he looks n has this worried expression on his face, eaves drops too)… i know this one guy makes him nervous. he n i started out fine, we didn’t say out loud to each other that we r gf/bf or fwb. i m 28 n yet a virgin n i told him that. he doesn’t have a gf i know this, n i told him i m the loyal type, n he’s the only one i m with, don’t have any other guy in my life. then all of a sudden things changed. he used to msg, call more often. but then he completely stopped. i called n he gave me a lecture that “i m not his priority, he hasn’t made any commitments to me, not of calling everyday, not of anything else, that we r FWB”… i got pissed, n cuz i don’t believe in the FWB concept, i told him flat out loud that we r not friends, we may not be together but we r not friends, his tone changed a little, as if thinking, “OOkkk, what?”..

November 20, 2011 at 4:16 am
(105) Sarah says:

there is this anther guy(SAM) in the office who is tryin to get me, n tells AM one thing about me and tells me the other about AM. basically tryin to create misunderstandings between us. AM n i had a fight 3 days back, i wanted to clear it out, but SAM told me not to and to leave AM alone n not be frank with him etc. i was stupid i listened to him. but last night i woke up n just called AM up to see how he was doing? n to clear out things… he was mad tht i didn’t call b4 n told me that i m expecting too much from him, n that i shouldn’t expect anything from him cuz i will end up getting hurt. (i talk to SAM n AM gets jealous, the look is there, the awkward pounding silence is there.) that’s when he told me that quite a while ago somebody (i take SAM) spread the rumor of me going out with someone else. and maybe this is why AM has grown cold with me, we fight all the time at office,

November 20, 2011 at 4:16 am
(106) Sarah says:

he says it’s cuz he doesn’t want anyone to know that we are together. i had ignored him the day after our fight, he didn’t say anythin, but kept looking at me, all day long.. was quite as hell… looked down… i m confused about him his feelings.. when SAM told me one day that AM had gone out on a date, i felt jealous.. that night AM cleared it out that he did not, he was with a friend discussing business. then he goes n tells me that i m not his priority and then goes on and tells this girl (in a loud voice so tht i can hear it too) who called him up, that he’ll cancel all his plans for her, n goes out a date with her, comes to the office next day n kissed me, pecks my cheeks asks me what’s wrong with me? and then also clears it out in front of everyone (loudly so that i can hear him too cuz i had my back towards him, this was the day i was ignoring him after the fight) that she specifically said not bring his two leech friends n to come alone.. so he did… went to see a movie with her… my heart sank, but i just ignored him, n that helped. we haven’t had sex yet. n i doubt i will.. he is amazing at phone sex. i donno make of all this. when he’s quite, his silence speaks to me… o the problem… i am 4 years older than him. i feel he likes me more than he wants to but cuz he has been heartbroken b4, he doesn’t trust any girl anymore, he even said this.. what do i do?

November 20, 2011 at 4:24 am
(107) Sarah says:

AM tells me all the time that he doesn’t care who i m with or what i do or wear. but i can see that he cares when i talk to some other guy. he is selfish type.. told me flat out loud that he doesn’t become dependent on any girl and vice versa. he is going trough some personal problems too, which he doesn’t share.. but tells me that i don’t share my feelings.. tell him what.. when he doesn’t let me be close to him? i m not expecting anything from him. i told him that. he is rude with me. i want a great time too, but neither of us is having great time. we r fighting more, arguin me.. growing apart.. n i donno the problem.

November 20, 2011 at 4:28 am
(108) Sarah says:

do u think feelings for each other r there n we just not confronting them? that we r running away from them cuz we dont want to get hurt again? cuz everyone at work feels and thinks and has said to us and still say to us over n over again that “we both like eachother”.. infact “love eachother”… and if we didn’t “we will end up liking each other, cuz of the way we are with each other”.. the no good arguments for no good reasons.. r a way to went our anger of not being able to, willing to, come to terms with the fact that we both like each other. ?????????????

November 23, 2011 at 4:16 am
(109) Lauren says:

All because a woman has sex on the first date doesn’t make her a whore. My friend had sex with a guy the day she met him and theyve been dating for months now and are very happy together. I knew a guy for a month and I wanted him the first day I met him but thought it’d never happen. Then FINALLY he picked up on my hints and we flirted for a week, touching on each other every chance we got. After a week we finally kissed and a little more. We never had sex. And I was so sure he liked me, I really thought he did….I asked him to date me and he said no. Broke my heart. I still tried, hoping he’d change his mind. I eventually had to just give up. It was driving me crazy! I wanted him so bad, I even convinced myself that I liked his friend and sexed him, but I guess that was just in hopes to make Perry (the guy I loved) jealous. My plan was to date his friend…who I also thought liked me but he just wanted sex….it destroyed me so much and I ended up losing my best friend because of the destructive path I was on. She didn’t wanna be around me anymore. Now I’m involved with this other guy I want to date that doesn’t want a relationship…I don’t know how I keep getting in these situations…it seems like only the guys I don’t like want to date me. It’s lowered my self esteem so much and I want to ask this guy I’m with now if he’d date me, but I’m afraid of a repeat of the Perry situation. And now that I’ve lost my best friend, I don’t really have anyone else in this hicktown…so I’m afraid to completely lose him. Even though the answer seems so simple, to get rid of him, I can’t get myself to do it. I guess I’m just going to have to go through the heartbreak again to realize he’s never gonna want me.

December 3, 2011 at 1:44 am
(110) Melanie says:

I’m also in a FWB relationship. However, the guy I’m seeing wants a relationship with me. I’m too scared to pursue it. Two more months have passed since then and within that time he ended it with me. Last week he managed to get me back. He really hurt me and he made me loose all trust in him. Now that he wants me back, he should be putting more effort into our relationship, but he’s not. Does he not want a serious relationship with me anymore? What should I do? Can this even be classified as FWB??

December 22, 2011 at 6:25 am
(111) just a female says:

I’ve read these stories and it just seems like we all do the same things…. Believe in these guys.
So, he didn’t want to say it was a Fwb but I declared it that. We stated some basic rules like keeping it a secret from close people we knew and make sure to let eachother know if we plan to have sex with someone else so we stop messing with eachother since he knew I wanted to date someone.

Well you know we cuddle a lot and kissed and had okAY sex. I guess he was there as a friend to confide in and feel relaxed with. He then started to give me compliments and told me he wanted to do more for me and asked me unofficially out on a date where he kissed me in public for the 1st time. I was so confused by things because he I knew he didn’t want more and j do but I never tried to give him the impression that I liked him but it seemed like he was falling for me.

After one day of no sex but just hanging back I felt like I should ask him about us again but was a bit scared, instead I called him and told him I think we should stop being Fwb because I started to like him and he agreed but it was like he still liked me since he told me he started to think about us being a couple.

I was like dumb ass so scared to say anything until I broke things off. Or so I thought. I mean he now knows I m going out on dates and still once or twice a month will have sex with him . I hate this now because I now know he did like me enough to go out with me but not that much since he gave me the excuse that he doesnt want to have fights and can’t be there so that’s why we can’t date.

I still think of him, and im liking again and it seems like he still likes me since we still converse and not have sex for a long time. I don’t know if I should ask if he likes me or not. Things got complex and sure don’t plan to do this again after him.

December 25, 2011 at 12:03 am
(112) fakinitsom says:

Yes using a dildo is one way round not bothering to be hurt by fwb. Some are not worth it anyway.

December 25, 2011 at 12:15 am
(113) melanies says:

I was in a relationship for 4 years – I call it that – but he said it was a diwersion when he broke it up. But that was not how I saw it. We had sex, had strong feelings, said so, hung out, shared intimate feelings, shared confidences, laughed, had fun, supported each other, cared for each other, went out tog, were passionate, strongly attracted. What hurt was he had met someone else 4 months earlier and did not tell either of us he was two timing and doing things with both.
I wanted to tell this other woman but did not. Then she dumped him and he tried to get back with me opening the wound only to go back with her when she wanted to and it is worse than before

December 25, 2011 at 6:44 am
(114) just a female says:

Melanies, just move on from this jerk and try not to think about all the good times its the past and your future shouldn’t have to feel like your 2nd choice to this guy. Move on and it may hurt like hell but you deserve to be someone’s number 1 lady. Listen to a song by Sarah Evans called I get a little bit stronger. It helped me get over an ex who hurt me really bad. If you stay with this guy just think about what your asking your self to do and be. If he is your Fwb lay rules down. Like me I tell my Fwb that I’m looking for someone to be there emotionally and if I do find someone ill let him know so I won’t mess with him and another dude. And its so hard to not feel for the these guys who are there for us in these moments but they don’t want to be with us in the long haul cause if they did they would do anything to be our man. I’m still learning about who I am Nd what I deserve and want.
Make a list about what you want in a man and don’t make excuses if the guy you like doesn’t meet your list then all it means is that hes not right for you.
This helped me especially when I started falling for the man I m just Fwb it helps to remind me that we don’t have the same wants.

December 26, 2011 at 7:36 am
(115) Amalina says:

I found this guy on a dating site that said looking for ” Long Term. ” I found out he lives 15 Min’s away from me and he was really cute (unlike most on those sites). A friend and I was messing around making ourselves accounts and probably got 100′s responses. None where attractive. I get extremely bored one day decide to check my mail when I find his email and we started talking about our life. He invited me to come see him. We met up a few times, played pool alot. He came to my house and we played video games. We was watching a movie and he just kept inching his way closer to me on the couch and then eventually ended up kissing me. Didn’t sleep together that night though, we fell asleep on the floor. Couple days later we ended up sleeping together. That was the first time and last time but he still comes over and stays and we cuddle up and go to sleep watching movies. He says we are just friends ” Kicking It. ” We have been talking for a few months now and spending alot of time having fun and gaming. One night he randomly text me saying ” Would it bother you if I said I want to keep ” Kicking It ” and just stay friends? I really need to get my life together right now. ” I really didn’t know how to respond to that because Idk if I want to keep ” Kicking It. ” I enjoy our friendship to and I really do like him alot but i’m afraid if we stay ” Friends With Benefits ” I will develop feelings for him and end up hurt.

January 1, 2012 at 5:42 am
(116) just a female says:

Amalina, since he definitely doesn’t seem to want more than don’t put your self in that situation. Keep it simple, I mean you can be friends but I would stop the cuddling and sleeping over. Don’t be afraid to put some boundaries. My boundary for this year is no more Fwb , I’m holding off on spending too much time with mines. I know what I want and don’t need and having a Fwb gets tricky and keeps me from looking on. I hope things go good with your situation. Just ask him straight up what do you mean by kicking it, you know we females do think too much into context and can interrpret the wrong thing especially if the guy says things randomly.

January 1, 2012 at 6:59 am
(117) Rel says:

Wow, ive read all these comments hoping for abit of advice and well ive found it.

Heres my situation, Been seeing this guy for jsut over 3 mths. Been doing the couples thing, Cooking together, Hanging out, Great sex, Sleep overs. He came over xmas night and then stayed another 4 nights (inbetween me going to work/ him going out fishing etc) i met his mum last week and he said she said i was nice. He met and liked my m8s (they liked him too). In my opnion we were a couple. Hell.

Then today i broke things off with him. He said hes not looking for a relationship. So im guessing he must have been seeing me as a FWB this entire time, Yet last few weeks ive been thinking i could be in love – thank god i did not tell him.

And now after reading all these posts i think the best is what i have done – end things on my terms and then for their to be no contact.

January 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm
(118) ac says:

i hope someone reads this!!so i had a massive crush on my friends brother when i was like 16 ( hes about 10yrs older) and we shared a few kisses, then he got with a girl. we stayed in touch (as friends cos i no his gf too) im now 23 they split in jan last year, and we got talking again, i didnt feel attracted to him i just saw him as a friend, then he started coming over to hang out, we sent flirty texts (thats how we are) and i thought he started to like me so i kinda didnt exactly ignore him, but when he’d suggest coming over or hint he was bored id change the subject so anyways i started thinking about the past and started to think hmm what if, so he came over again and is like i saw him like i used to 7 yrs ago!!! we went out with separate friends one night n met up and had a snog….then he came round last night and we slept together…he was distant today so i left him to it, then got a txt apologising for being distatnt so i said no worries its ok….then it felt like he was blowing me off, he was like “ive got a lot on at the mind, i cant get my head around my finances blah blah, to much going on in my life at the min” so i txt saying i wish you had told me this b4 last night and he was like yeah its a pride thing im not blowing you off just alot on” ….WHAT THE HELL help me?? is he blowing me off nicely or genuinely has a lot on…i just feel so used and i didnt think he was like that! ive been friends with his bro since we were 11 …im so confused i actually cried when i read the txt

January 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm
(119) ac says:

** also i dont wanna lose him as a friend i really enjoy hanging out with him!! why cnt men just be honest….i asked him after we kissed on the night out if he regretted it he sed no….i asked him today if he regretted last night he sed no why do u ask..i replied good, and just wondered … he txt saying dnt be so paranoid lol….grrrrr

January 4, 2012 at 10:40 pm
(120) Unforgivable says:

Amazing post!!! Ive been w my fwb for 6yrs..at times I may lik him and feel lik I want more than that but w time I realized I dnt want to be in a relationship w him…for the same exact things u post…he ruined me, the attention is what I truly wanted from him..even though this suxs cuz its all it will ever be FWB..Learn to apprecite it lik I did. Think about this and it as so true cuz I learned this..BEING IN A FWB IS BETTER THAN A RELATIONSHIP OF BF OR GF BCUZ ONE THING IS FOR SURE, ULL HAV IT NO MATTER WHAT & WITH NOTHING TECHNICAL, WHERE BF OR GF YOU GO FROM EX TO NEXT….its been 6yrs an I just look at the positive and let nothing keep me from being the #1 play the game and all those thoughts ur having will nt b the same!

January 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm
(121) Guadalupe says:

Okay I need some advice I been messing around wit my best friendss brother and I been knowing them since I was 12 im 18 now and still talk to him we recently did it I was a virgin all these years we only kissed and touch I moved from the area cus im n foster care he said that wheni left he wanted to ask me out when she wasnt working he wud always want to see me but now since he always works we dont talk much wat is this shud I tell him wat I feel for him

January 12, 2012 at 8:55 am
(122) stormy says:

Well I see where this girl is coming from. I havve almost became so frustrated with dating and the lies and the games behind it how sex always made the Guy go nuts because I guessit was just always to much for these young inexpierienced boys I was dating. So I dated a sex addict because I figured it wouldn’t change him since he was already. We had a great relationship. We even became engaged. But later I find that he had been playing games because he was still young and wanted to have fun so he couldn’t ever be honest because he said he couldn’t give up the mind blowing sex. He only wanted to marry me because of the sex. And this hurt me deep because it seemed I could not win. I value honesty and desperately long for something real and I’m like one of the most down to earth cool cute sweetest girls around and aand I feel like they don’t acknowledge it. So because the sex is so good the lust just takesvover the men and they can’t think of much else especially love. So then I decided to have friends and if they showed both interest and promise I would be friends with benefits just because that’s real and if they happen to decide they want more they already have the sex so I would know then that really they wanted me but that only came even close to happening once I just don’t understand at all what to do or what’s even remotely going on in guys heads but if a Guy wanted more when he already had the sex would let meknow he saw me. But I doubt its at all common that? Hen q Guy had the sex he will want commitment but oh well I’m just done I crave q healthy relationship but I feel it doesn’t exist for me and I’m done looking and I’m done sleeping with losers

January 20, 2012 at 6:52 pm
(123) Jeremy says:

Girls everywhere and all you emasculated “men” who are trying so hard to be politically correct at the expense of your masculinity, listen up.

Men and women are equals. This does not mean that they are equal in every single thing they do. For example, men are, on average, physically stronger than women. It is much easier for a semi attractive (even a 6/10) woman to go out and get laid. The same cannot be said about men. Men have to work at it, have some skill (game) and thereby get a woman to sleep with them. It is a LOT harder for an equally attractive man to get women than it is the other way around. This is one of reasons behind why we, as a society, naturally celebrate men who are successful in bedding multiple women; while at the same time shame women who bed multiple men.

Let us briefly visit the topic of virginity from both perspectives. Virginity in a man is not a desirable state or label when it comes to an attribute that the opposite sex wants. This is because he has obviously not been preselected by other women. However, female virginity is not looked at negatively in the least by men. If she looks decent, no man cares if the girl is a virgin or not. In fact, a female virgin is often wanted more.

January 20, 2012 at 6:53 pm
(124) Jeremy says:

Now don’t get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she’s good in bed, partly because it’s sex. But any decently intelligent, self-respecting man will know that it is a terrible idea to emotionally involve himself (i.e. date) a slutty girl. That would be a very dumb move. Why would any man want to get emotionally involved with a girl who’s had 15+ sexual partners? We would just be setting ourselves up for failure. There are many nice worthy girls out there who don’t have daddy issues and haven’t slept with an entire fraternity house. But, by all means, fvck the brains out of sluts in the meanwhile.

Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.

To put it simply, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and of little worth. But a key that can open many locks is a master key and is valuable.

January 24, 2012 at 5:35 am
(125) Miranda says:

I’ve been a FWB relationship but he said he liked me and I really liked him.
We met for 1 week in another country and he wanted to kiss me one night but I didn’t. 2 weeks later, we met again in my country and we kissed and a little more. He said he liked me but I couldnt feel it much, especially in front of our friends.
He came back to his country 2 weeks ago and he doesnt care about me much. I’m really sad…

January 25, 2012 at 12:42 am
(126) denise says:

FWB can turn into a relationship. Women, there are a few things to remember. Don’t begin the relationship wanting a boyfriend, because it may not happen. But if you do end up having feelings for him, there are a few things you can do. Be a good friend to him. Be fun, happy, and don’t ask too many questions or get too psycho. A big thing you can do is try to be amazing in bed. A guy will be more interested in hanging onto you if you are the best sex he’s ever had. Watch porn for tips, buy some lingerie, ask him what his fantasies are…believe me, this works. If you can trust him enough to go on the pill and not use condoms, he will get hooked on you that much faster. Only do this if you are sure he has been tested and is not hooking up with another “friend”. And don’t be afraid to demand respect from him. He’s not your bf, but he is supposed to be your friend. Tell him you don’t need a commitment but you do need him to only be with you because you can’t risk a disease. Let him text first, let him ask you to hook up, play coy with him, let him see other guys interested in you, and then blow his mind when you hook up. Try to walk the thin line between rock star in bed, but he had better respect you as a woman and a friend. Whoever said “why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free” was most likely awful in the sack because my FWB went from telling me to “never expect a relationship” to babbling about getting married in 5 short months. :)

January 27, 2012 at 11:53 am
(127) yuppy says:

You cant turn it into a normal relationship. You must move on immediately. Do not contact him in any way; do not text, call, email, chat with him, do not answer his calls. If he felt he needs YOU, not your body, he will tell you that he wants a respectful relationship. Dont believe him if he says he misses you, because you body what he is missing.

January 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm
(128) kd says:

I think what you really want to know is if he is denying his feelings for you or telling the truth. You can only judge his words and actions. He obviously told you he is not interested in a relationship and he clearly is not respectful of you. Its your choice to decede what you want other potential good guys to think of you and if you want to respect your own feelings and desires. I regret wasting my time on a guy who didnt want the same things i did.

February 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm
(129) Janice says:

Believe him when he says he does not want a relationship and move on. Do not waste your youth on someone who is emotionally unavailable and only wanted to chase you, bed you, and now the thrill of the hunt is gone. There is a special guy out there who will value who you are and fall in love with YOU, not your antics in the bedroom..however amazing they may be. You may find a lot of guys are not even good enough for you if you think about what’s really important to you (honesty, respect, loyalty, trust and constant communication). These things should not be negotiable. If they are, then you get what you settled for with eyes wide open!

Getting to really know someone as your friend FIRST, building trust is the path most people SHOULD do…but we all know how short or non-existent that is. I know what I speak of. Been married to ex for 14 yrs, had a FWB who was my best friend many years ago prior but we had different ‘expectations’ and a different ‘time line’ for our relationship and it ended–badly I might add. Now a year later, I have another trusted friend who finally let me know he’s interested…and I have reciprocated the same feelings (that I was previously unaware of!)…but we are both not ready for a full blown relationship. We are taking it VERY SLOW. We are 44 and 45 and growing the trust and friendship until it deepens into something more…we really enjoy one another’s company. He is a Leo and I am a Cancer…so I must keep myself in check.

February 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm
(130) Ian says:

All these comments are about the situation and not a solution.
What they are is irrelevant, what she can do about it is what she is asking.
First thing that comes to mind as a solution is hypnosis, if it can make people stop smoking, it might be able to make him want a relationship with you. Good luck finding a hypnotist that will do this should you pursue this route.
Other than that crazy idea, I wouldn’t conceive of a other than becoming more attractive to him that would work.
But sooner or later, if she stays with him as is, she is wasting time and energy.

February 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm
(131) Teri says:

Hi, i would like to share my experience with people and any comments are appreciated. Im in a FWB relationship with my neighbor,and it has been going on for about 10 months. I went into it not thinking i would develop feelings, but now i have. I told him that i have fallen for him and that i loved him. He likes to brag, because he says im crazy about him,which i guess is true. He says he doesn’t want a relationship because he likes the way things are now. I find myself getting confused because everytime we are together he can’t keep from touching me,or playing with me. We see each other every day. I guess im just confused on what to do. I find myself wanting to not continue this because of the hurt its already causing but then when he mentions sex i run over there like a puppy dog. He calls me all the time, and i see him all the time because we are neighbor’s. He also gets jealous if he thinks im talking to another guy. And what does it mean when he tells me im a 6/10?! I guess that’s probably not good. So whats the best to do about this situation. I find myself reading the comments about some people’s FWB turning into something more, and i guess im holding on to that hope. But is it all false hope?

February 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm
(132) Tiffany says:

I didn’t mean for this to happen..I got involved with a man that I knew from highschool,he has 2 daughters that are amazing.He and I started hanging out. I would go over to his place at night and often sleepover when his kids were at their moms.After a little while we started doing things together. Him, his 2 daughters, myself and my daughter, which also included all of us having sleepovers at his place.Usually I am leery about having my daughter meet someone I am involved with so soon but in this case I thought it would be ok as we were friends first..he would txt me all the time, I helped him out, he leaned on me, he washed my hair, made me breakfast, went to both his daughters birthday parties where everyone thought I was his wife..so many tender moments etc. He told me he wasnt ready for a relationship but on the other hand was scared that he would get to the point where he wanted to say he was my guy etc. I’ve gotten attached. I’m in denial so I wont call it love but that is what it is I think.My heart hurts like that. We have been “seeing” each other about 6 mo. now. At one point while sleep talking and spooning with me told me that he missed me.. now he thinks I’m in love with him even though I have not said so to him and he is not txting me as much etc. I respect that he doesnt want a relationship and just want to continue spending time with him and his daughters. I’m not pressuring for anything more.. I want him around in any capacity I can have him.. I guess I’m wondering if its best to just back off and let him figure out what he wants and needs etc. I date others but he is the only person I seem to want.. we are so good together, have so much fun, mesh like I havent meshed with anyone in a long time.. he is awesome to me when we are together kind and thoughtful and sweet and funny. He’s a great dad which I find very sexy… siggh..this is truly super tough. I walk around with a tummy ache all of the time.Any advice???

February 10, 2012 at 8:16 pm
(133) MizzItt says:

FWB is a concious excuse for guys, or girls, to skip getting to know each other, and go straight to “gettin busy.” The problem with dating & sex in today’s society is that the concept of dating is not practiced. We, as a people, have become lazy and want everything, including relationships, FAST,FAST,FAST! IIf it is so URGENT for them to get laid, there are professionals who will gladly oblige them. Dating allows us to build on our Attraction & Desire by way of Respect & Communication. This allows us to make RATIONAL decisions. You DENY yourself the chance be respected and loved when you settle for this type of relationship; A
FREE, THRILLS ONLY (it’s always in your bed or his, he’s to cheap to pay for a hotel)
WHAM-BAM THANK YOU MAME/SIR
DON’T CALL ME, I’LL CALL YOU
ACT AS IF WE DON’T EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC
I’LL NEVER BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED ME (for anything)
SPEND HOLIDAYS AND YOUR BIRTHDAY ALONE

You get the point………………….. What kind of friend is that? DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, RUN, DON’T WALK PASS GO, AND COLLECT YOURSELF! THIS IS YOUR LIFE, NOT A
GAME! DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE PLAYED; put back in a box until the next time the player wants to play the game. LOVE YOURSELF, and let yourself be loved.

February 14, 2012 at 8:46 pm
(134) guest says:

To Teri (131), I would say stop seeing him. The 6/10 seems like an insult to me and if that’s all he thinks about you, don’t keep having sex with him. If he truly does get jealous when you talk with other guys and confronts you about it after you’ve stopped having sex, you should tell him you want a real relationship and if he doesn’t, then you keep looking for someone who wants the same thing.

February 16, 2012 at 12:35 am
(135) experienced says:

break off contact with him. I know how hard it can be, but you will only end up hurting yourself. He dosn’t see something special in you that you see in him, then he is not worth your time. dont give up, you will find someone hotter than him who will treat you lkike a queen. it happened to me, it will happen to you. stay strong.

February 16, 2012 at 5:06 pm
(136) fwb says:

Im in fwb n hav been for over 3 months he is my ex we did date for 2 months a few yrs ago but broke up coz my best mate got caught in the middle as she is his work colleague. anywayz its fun fwb if you kno wat ur gettin urself into but yes it can b confusin wen ur mixed messages from the other person

February 16, 2012 at 5:07 pm
(137) fwb says:

Im in fwb n hav been for over 3 months he is my ex we did date for 2 months a few yrs ago but broke up coz my best mate got caught in the middle as she is his work colleague. anywayz its fun fwb if you kno wat ur gettin urself into but yes it can b confusin wen ur mixed messages from the other person . by the way we hav become close friends over the yrs n im.actualy gettin to kno him more

February 18, 2012 at 1:48 am
(138) Danielle says:

i totally have the same situation and it sucks… it sucks when u really like someone and they do not want to date you.. its almost like its hurting your ego .. you think whats wrong with me that this guy doesn’t want to be with me?? at times they make it seem like one day it will be something down the road.. but in the end there only saying that to keep you around for the time being….. I’m learning that guys like this will never come around and you shouldn’t have to wait for anyone to want to date you… there are many guys out there that deserve you and will want u for more than just sex.

Guys suck! lol

February 18, 2012 at 11:12 pm
(139) Hurt21 says:

I’m in the same situation been here for two years did everything for the guy I gave him my virginity he told me he had been hurt that he just needed time to trust a relationship again I was 19 I believed his every word I liked the fact that he was being honest … I waited six months before I had sex with him every thing was great he called me his gairdian angel that I was the only girl I trusted he even told me he loved me…. But I woul always find stuff about him and him being with many girls n he lied n denied everything it hurt so much…. Got pregnant he made me get an abortion saying he didn’t want a kid with me to just get rid of it since it was the size of a cockroach anyways :’( I did it and never have forgiven my self for loving him more than my own kid. Now six months after I just turned 21 that I find out he gave me Hpv and now have cervical cancer… He says he didn’t mean to but he’s moving on and has fallen for someone . Trust me girls no guy who never even took u seriously enough to be ur bf is worth all this pain

February 22, 2012 at 4:20 am
(140) Scarlett says:

I have a slightly different story. We met a few months ago online, and something ‘clicked’ between us as friends when I went over to his town. We had already had amazing conversations over IM, so it was like confirming our attraction to each other as friends.

I stayed over at his house the first night, believing him because he says he’s a Catholic and he believes in keeping his virginity. No sex that night, but it was obvious that he was interested in getting into my pants when hands went where hands aren’t supposed to be.

Fast forward to last weekend, 4 months later, and although he knows that I’m looking for a relationship, that I felt terrible for letting him get anywhere near my pants that first night, and that I kept reminding him that he told me about how keeping himself a virgin was important to him, he slept with me anyway. What hurts me was the way he really thought we could still be friends, telling me he’ll still be there for me even if he gets a girlfriend.

What a jerk. 4 years of celibacy was wasted on him. Good thing I had already planned to toss him aside if he gets in my pants. Unfortunately, the reason why I even let him near me in the first place was because I like him so much. That’s the part that hurts.

February 23, 2012 at 10:49 am
(141) kate says:

I have been in a FWB situation with a guy for about 4 years now. we met eachother in college and the first semester we met he would just hit me up in the middle of the night when he was drunk and ask to have sleepovers and i let him. he would always wait atleast a week before he would talk to me again after that. so we would end up hooking up every other week. then that following summer for 4 months we didnt see eachother but he was texting me day and night, just about sex mostly though. then when we got back he tried sleeping over but i had a hickey on my neck from someone else. so for that semester we didnt talk much, i started hooking up with the boy who gave me the hickey, and he started hooking up with another girl.
until one night i went to a party at his house. he tried to convince me to come home with him but i said no. then later that night he kept texting me and eventually (scince he was too drunk to drive) ran all the way up to the dorms to see me. the next day i heard that the girl he was hooking up with found out and yelled at him saying “i thought we were dating!” but he said no to her and we continued to hook up.
the next semester, i transfered schools but we still kept in touch. I finally got a car and would go see him freqently. then soon after, for about the past year i have had a serious boyfriend, but still kept seeing him.
things between us have changed, he says he doesnt like me with someone else and that he loves me so much and he talks to me everyday. but he still says he “doesnt date”
so my problem is, even though he now tells me he loves me, idk if we will ever be more. things have progressed between us over the years, and he has gradually begun to treat me better, but i still dont know what to think. I mean if i break up with my bf anyone think hed ever date me? I love him so much and we have gone through alot over the years, but idk if its worth it nemore. :(

February 24, 2012 at 10:36 am
(142) yo says:

hello B**ches, Men don’t like girls who are easy and sadly you are all too easy with no class

February 24, 2012 at 8:56 pm
(143) kayla says:

im actually in the same boat as her in a way. a guy and i met a few months ago and we hit it off immediately an i fell for him hard an it has been years since ive felt this way for a guy since my ex fiance cheated on me. but my guy nathan says he likes me and he cares for me a lot but hes confused and doesnt want to let his feelings out until he knows what he wants, but then in the mean time he gets back w his ex who treats him horrible and still says he cares for me. ive stuck around because i really do care for him. we talk every single day all day long. he says he wants to b w me when he and his ex r broken up, but then he will get back with her and say he cant be with me. it breaks my heart. i turn down other guys because of my feelings for him. hes everything ive wanted in a guy. he now says he doesnt want to ruin our friendship. says im his best friend even though he has deep feelings for me. what should i do? i have no clue. he knows me feelings. even though hes hurt me a few times by going back to his ex, i keep having this feeling that god wants me to stay w there and wait for him, but i really dont know if i should anymore and maybe just b his friend only. itll break my heart even more if i end it, but………ya idk =(

February 25, 2012 at 7:01 pm
(144) zaney8922 says:

I know how you feel love, I’m 23 and been fooling around with someone who’s 27 and he’s made it clear he’s only after sex, but I want it to be so much more, and it’s never going to happen no matter how much I love him, it took us 6 months before anything actually did happen, but like people have said, you have to walk away, if he comes bk to you and wants a relationship then he was always yours to begin with. if he doesn’t then he was just being truthful with you and he never was yours to start with. hope you sort it out chick.
x

February 26, 2012 at 5:56 pm
(145) gally says:

maybe hes just afraid of love or has been hurt too many times before. you never know…everyone has had one event in their life that changed them as a person. me, ive been dating this girl and she cheated on me with my best friend. my whole life fell apart. now i dont know if i can afford the price love costs. hes probably just scared of something…talk to him, if that doesnt work then i dont know what to say. love is a bitch, it will stab you in the back and destroy your life however it can, but you have to ask yourself this question…is it worth it?

February 26, 2012 at 10:57 pm
(146) Veronica says:

I had a fwb relationship

February 26, 2012 at 10:59 pm
(147) Veronica says:

I had a FWB relationship. It was great! I had several long term relationships and was done with relationships for awhile. So i was in grad school and this guy and I hooked up every weekend nite for a year. It was great! Then I started liking him… so I had to break it off. I learned that giving it up – women eventually will start liking the dude no matter what.. so i don’t do that anymore!

March 2, 2012 at 6:58 pm
(148) BP says:

I’ve been talking to a guy for around 3 months. I was looking for a relationship when we met online, and he knew that, I think. but I just recently found out he doesn’t want a relationship right now (due to him being very busy and he’s had bad relationships in the past). I want to continue seeing him, I suppose as friends with benefits. We’re not having sex (I’m a virgin) though I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t considered sleeping with him… I’m not sure what to do. Any advice?

March 8, 2012 at 5:59 pm
(149) shorty says:

this is what depresses me

March 26, 2012 at 5:39 pm
(150) Kelley says:

I don’t think either of them have done anything wrong, but she should definitely find someone else. I’ve been fwb a few times, and it is fine as long as neither of us has feelings of more. But once someone develops feelings, it pretty much has to end, otherwise feelings will get hurt. Also, you can’t blame her for being a “slut”..she did nothing wrong, and he went along with it..and you also can’t blame him and call him a jerk because they both agreed that it would be friends with benefits..it’s not like he suddenly changed his mind or something, and it’s not his fault he doesn’t feel the same way. She should just move on because trying to convince him to want a relationship will just annoy him and ruin the friendship. She shouldn’t have to convince someone to be in a relationship anyways..

March 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm
(151) melbeau6 says:

To BP.. how old are you? How old is he? Internet is not the best place to meet someone, first of all. 2ndly, DO NOT give up your virginity to someone that is not good state of worthy! This person doesn’t sound to be in a mindset of wanting to be in a relationship. He probably needs time to heal. You do not want someone who is not emotionally ready. Use good judgement, don’t do it for the wrong reasons.

April 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm
(152) Brody says:

There are only certain a select few types of girls that can handle a friends with benefits relationship. And those are girls with family issues, daddy issues and just plain sluts. But without these misfits, there wouldn’t be so many happy guys out there who got to bang so many girls. These kinds of girls also happen to be the best in bed and the most adventurous. It goes without saying that dating one of these creatures is a terrible idea. I know quite a few of them and bang them whenever I’m bored, which is often. They know that I’m not interested in dating them and stop pursuing to save face. What a great deal!

April 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm
(153) Confused says:

So I have a question. I’m kinda in a situation like this, the guy says he likes me and doesn’t want a relationship and that’s fine with me, i told him I don’t know if I could be friends with benefits and not get feelings but he said no biggy. And then he said the only reason why he couldn’t see us being anythin more is because he doesn’t think we have anything in common. But he doesn’t even know me or care to get to know me. And when I asked him what he knew about me and why he thought we weren’t compatable he couldn’t come back with anything. We’ve only gone on 1 real date and hung out at his house 3 times. I just would like for him to actually like me and mean it and not say it because he thinks that’s what I want to hear so he can get some. I don’t know what to do. End it? or go with it and see if something does happen? If anyone could help me I’d appreciate it.

April 20, 2012 at 5:27 pm
(154) gina says:

Well This guy started out jsut a hi how you doing and then it became more texting hot texting for up to 2 months to the point that he sd he loved me..we finally hooked up and then things changed i stopped all contact with him because I truely fell in love.. and all he wanted was a FWB thing.. so i started to do my own thing and he finally texted to feel the waters again and i was up to the FWB deal but he would get upset when we couldn’t hook up or I really wanted to hang out with other freinds..so he started to get me jeoulos by saying then he would have to have to call his other FWB.. or invite his girlfreind to dates.. I would always say great i’m glad u have other options like I do…until he just made me stinkin mad I don’t know what the purpose of that was If your going to have a FWB great but leave out what ur going to do with other poeple out,, the underdstanding is if u can’t hook up catch u next time but why would he tell me he will be with someone else.. to hurt me?? idk so I finally told him to F–off and I didn’t need him or his time.. he sd i was being mean.. The only thing is I really did fall for him and I don’t know if he will ever call or text me.. my real quetions is was he trying to get me jeolous? for someone that doesn’t want a relationship and tell you you they dont know if they want a relationship sure does use tactice to get a rise out of me.. HELP!!

June 1, 2012 at 1:47 pm
(155) Em says:

there is no such thing as “friends with benefits”or “no strings attached” Because some point of a time one of them will be craving for more than that and by that time emotional feelings was developed during those days they thought they are just friends that having sex without realizing it earlier.

June 8, 2012 at 8:46 am
(156) Orgardewees says:

I’ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.

June 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm
(157) Jessica says:

I’m 23 years old and I have been friends with benefits with a guy for over a year now. We work in the same workplace. Recently a new foreign girl just joined us the staff. She is extremely hot.

One time when I was having dinner with my FWB guy, he told me that he asked her out. I felt like throwing up at his face. I know that we are not in a relationship but I can’t help it not being jealous. I’ve tried to meet with other guys in order to forget about him but it seems to make it worse. I always end up crying. I know I’m being stupid about this. I know that I should just forget about him but I don’t know how.

I decided to go abroad for 6 weeks maybe that way I will forget about him and meet new people. But when I come back I have to work there again. I was thinking of finding another job but it’s a good place where I am atm and I need to work there until I graduate. I don’t know how am I suppose to react amongst them. I don’t know if he did go out with her or not yet. I’m sure he will by the time I get back.

I don’t know who is the most stupid person, wether it’s him or me. I know that he’s not the guy for me, he has a very low standard of education. And he barely nows how to speak english. So if they go out on a date I think he’ll need a translator!! Sometimes I feel that I’m just being selfish but other times I feel that he is a complete animal. My problem is that I don’t know how to react amongst him and her when I come back. Any suggestions?

July 17, 2012 at 9:41 am
(158) Renee says:

This is the help I need. Im 25 and started dating a guy last week, then out of the blue he texted me telling me he started this relationship too soon and just wants to be friends with benefits. What do I tell him, I’ve been crying over this guy nonstop.

August 17, 2012 at 7:46 pm
(159) Sunshine says:

Hey I know as I am involved with a FWB…its great but he is married….not so good….he too calls me babe, honey, and so on and so on…..I call him a nickname. I have fallen in love with this guy but he will never know it. I will keep being FWB until I meet someone that wants the same thing i want. It sucks when you want a relationship and you both agreed not to have one…..

August 28, 2012 at 2:34 am
(160) cecilia says:

The reason why he don’t want a relationship could be 3 things-1.He don’t wanna get tied up by only one girl in his life right now,coz he wants to enjoy life like a free bird. 2.Or he don’t want you enough to be his gf 3.Else he have a couple of bad relationship in the past and that he is not ready to start a new one again coz he might be afraid to make the same mistake again as he is afraid to get hurt as before. Whatever the case is, it’s best if u could forget him and move on, bt if u can’t live without him n choose him beyond any othr guy, of course their is always a chance if u r patient enough. Feelings could change,what we dnt want today ,we could want it tomorrow. Don’t try to force him gettin into a relationshp, just try to win his heart by gettin close to him warmly,knw what he likes and dislikes. That way, slowly by slowly he will get attach to you and at the end of the day,before he even know it, he won’t be able to live without you!.Bt it takes time, and you have to be patient.

September 12, 2012 at 9:36 am
(161) Leila says:

Hey all,

I thought I would share my rather peculiar Friends with Benefits situation.

So my first love age 16 was a forbidden relationship (both from religious families but from different religions)….It was, for both of us, our first real relationship….However, we never had sex (again for religious reasons). A year later we got found out and had to end the relationship.

I was heart broken to say the least, particularly when he kindly informed me that he went on to have sex with numerous girls…

We never really broke communication with one another but the feelings did eventually subside.

Fast forward six years to this year, and after another heart break relationship for me, my ex and I started talking regularly and a couple of months ago we became “friends with benefits” (but without actual).

Being a typical girl…the best bit for me is when we hold hands after we have been physical and we talk and talk. But he has told me in a year or so he will start looking for a wife….I think that should be my queue to cut loose….But the stupid romantic in me keeps telling me to hold out.

He’s definitely stronger when it comes to cutting relationships/communication off but I know we have a special bond, as the saying goes ‘you never forget your first love.’

The rational side of me says ‘leave such fanciful thoughts to the fairy tales’. I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on this situation?

September 23, 2012 at 6:38 pm
(162) kitty says:

For women, it is difficult to have “friends with benefits” because we tend to fall in love although we know that there was an agreement that it cannot go beyond further… we still cant control our emotions… and so we ask or tell them how we feel and what we want…

Currently, I am in this situation… I want to have a relationship but I know that he don’t want it… not because he doesn’t want me, it’s because of his past and the drama that women creates during the relationship… he doesn’t want to deal with that… He treat me good, treat me like his girlfriend when we are together, treat me with respect and all that… not to lift my own chair, he likes me a lot… he keeps telling me that I am a good woman, that he wishes he meet me before, that he likes everything that I do…

but… then… again… we are just friends with benefits…

I am starting to fall in love with him and I want more… I don’t want to tell him that I want a relationship because he made it clear that he doesn’t want one… now, the question is… what am I going to do?

I will make it easy for me… i will delete his number on my phone… i will not respond to his text and not answer his calls… invest my attention to other things… smile and feel happy when I am around with him although it is hurting me… and stay away from him…

because… I need to respect and prioritize myself…

It was indeed fun to be with him but I know that the longer I spend time with him, the harder it would be for me to fall out… so, I am out…

sad thing is that… this man is my coworker… I just need to avoid him at work… unless we have to be in the same room for a meeting… it will burn the hell out of me…

October 29, 2012 at 10:45 am
(163) Angelstar says:

I too have been in this situation, I’m 29 and it is sort of still happening. Ten yeas ago I met and fell in love with this guy and we had a very strong relationship has friends – but apart from the sex he didn’t want anything more. Then when I was 23 he gave in and for a year and a half we were happy. Things happened and we parted (though the relationship wasn’t finalised – something other made us part.) Since then I have put myself into study and tried to forget about him, but life has a way of making you hang on. Recently he has been in contact, he told me what I wanted to hear, then changed his mind and is telling me he misses me… I don’t think he knows what he wants but, I do know that he makes me feel safe and he can be different – but I don’t think this game can go on any longer!

November 29, 2012 at 8:10 pm
(164) tete says:

I started a friends with benifts relationship when i was 17 i am now 31 n have a baby for him i really love him and still am emotionally attached even though we’ve only had 1 sexual encounter when in 16 months last time before that my son was 3 months. I want a relation.ship he know but he says time is the master i know its a possibility we could end up together but in tired of playing the waiting game n he knows in not seeing n e body else!!

January 13, 2013 at 10:46 am
(165) Ana says:

you can never force a guy to do anything he doesn’t want to do. usually if a guy really cares, they will take drastic measures to keep you with them even though they have stated for a while that they don’t want a committed relationship. The woman needs to be firm about her decisions. It is the only way a man will understand that he needs to do something to keep you.

February 12, 2013 at 1:20 am
(166) Mikkena says:

I’m going thought the same exact situation. I’ve been fwb’s with this guy for about a month and we both made it that we didn’t want relationships but we talk everyday, when i spend the night there he cuddles me, holds my hand, kisses my forehead, and kisses me goodbye. I started liking him and told him and he said he’s not looking for a relationship. I left it alone for about a week and he still kept doing those things so I asked him on a date and got shot down. I tried to give up on him but we started talking again and I’m back in the fwb hole. My friends say I should play hard to get and other friends say I should give up..

March 5, 2013 at 9:29 pm
(167) Mike says:

Once I asked someone on a date but she turned me down. Then I suggested to be her FWB but she said she had plenty of friends and she could get plenty of sex so she did not need me even as a dildo! But then she said if you do this instead I will sleep with you! I compare that monster girl with you and I think why good girls sleep with s*** guys?! And then they have to beg the s*** guy to respect their feelings just a bit!

By the way, how a guy can find a FWB? I don’t have many female friends so is there any way I can find a FWB?

March 11, 2013 at 5:11 am
(168) catie says:

OMG. Why are there so many of us women out there with this issue? Reading these posts I am thinking what are you thinking “hello, wake up girl!” But, I too am lost and in love with someone who wants only FWB’s. We were in a relationship for 6 years, lived together for 3 years..broke up and had been apart for about 2 years, seeing each other occasionally.I have loved him the entire time and cried myself to sleep many nights. He contacted me about 4 months ago and we started hanging out again but he made it clear that we were just FWB’s ( I am now hating that term).I will give him this much, he was honest.. I said I was a big girl and could handle it. Well, I couldn’t handle it. He knows I love him and he says he loves and cares about me, but doesnt want a relationship. I know I should move on but I don’t want to. It’s crazy and I feel so lost and sad.

March 11, 2013 at 5:14 am
(169) catie says:

PS: I couldn’t handle it when I found lip gloss (not mine) on his night stand. I feel sick to my stomach.

March 19, 2013 at 12:52 am
(170) That Girl says:

Here I was, reading these advice comments because I am going through the same thing. I have been with this man for 9 months, in which 8 of them we were in a serious relationship. We broke up, but the sex never stopped. I have brought up getting back together, to only be brushed off and told no. Yet that night he expects sex. We used to talk on the phone and text practically 24/7. But now it “hurts him too much to talk to me”.
He tells me he loves me, and he can’t wait to spend time with me. But I get lost with these mix signals…And I am so desperately in love with this man. I’m always either smiling or crying upon hearing his name, and I am tired with these mixed signals!!!!! I want to be done being his toy, but I can’t lose him and I kinda like it at the same time…
SOMEONE HELP! :(

March 28, 2013 at 12:48 pm
(171) Beth says:

To everyone who has commented on this post, who is in pain because of a FWB situation, speaking from recent experience – walk away, now.

It will hurt short term. Long term you will feel a million times better.

And its true, if they have feelings for you, regardless of what they have stated in the past – they will come back. Then you hold all the cards.

If a man says he does not want a relationship – BELIEVE HIM.

By agreeing to enter into a FWB / Casual sex arrangement – you sign a contract with a guy. Dont think you can go changing the terms just because you have developed feelings for him. Thats not how it works – and believe me – he will throw that contract back in your face before he walks out the door and onto the next willing ‘friend’.

If you want respect, love, integrity, exclusivity – set your satll out as such from day one. Else suffer the consequences. Very rarelt do guys settle with a casual sex partner. A man wants to keep what he values.

So cut the contact and walk….if you never speak again, he just did you a MASSIVE favour.

And by the way – the term ‘casual relationship’ is an oxymoron – there is no such thing. Love x x

March 28, 2013 at 1:12 pm
(172) Beth says:

….if I can add one last thing…

The debate over ‘can women REALLY handle sex only relationships?’ will rage on. My opinion, based on fact is this:

But for a few exceptions, they cannot. We are built entirely different to men, and we attach ourselves to our partner biologically and chemically during sex.

Men generally dont. Men can detach and compartmentalise sex from emotion. Fact.

So if you are hurting, use the facts to enable your decison on whether or not to keep giving it away to a guy so easily. xx

April 23, 2013 at 8:20 am
(173) effie says:

He will probably continue to contact you for sex, and continue not to want a relationship, so don’t misinterpret those phone calls. They are spam. The guys spend sooo much time trolling the dating sites and calling girls looking for uncommitted sex. I often want to tell them that they would be getting a LOT more sex if they would settle down with one girl, but I think it’s the promise of variety that motivates them…. go figure!

April 27, 2013 at 7:08 pm
(174) Jane Doe says:

I ran across this question and felt I need to add my 2 cents worth.

First of all, its no one’s fault but you’re own. If he stated to you from the very beginning what he wanted with you, then it’s on you. At that point in time you should have thought about it and asked yourself if you were ok with an FWB situation. If the answer was no (and by the question you asked it’s obvious you weren’t ok with it) then you should have never started anything in the first place.

Second thing is, no matter what kind of relationship a man is in, the are wired to be strictly physical. They don’t have the emotions like women do. This is why an FWB situation is so difficult. It is very hard for a woman to not leave her feelings out of the equation. Once a woman starts to feel like her emotions and feelings are starting to evolve she needs to make her FWB aware of that and see how he reacts. Sometimes but not often, their partner may be ok with it but most guys will end things if they feel the woman wants more then what they have.

At this moment in time I am in an FWB situation. Before things got started he made it very clear he was not looking for a GF or relationship because he simply did not have the time. He did however state that POSSIBLY in the future down the road he would have time.

I don’t bank on that, or expect it I just accept what we have for all its worth. He has respect for me and he treats me well when we spend time together and its beneficial for both of us. The key to a successful FWB thing is to keep the feelings out and don’t expect anything to evolve into more, if it does GREAT if not then it is what it is.

May 21, 2013 at 4:37 pm
(175) Ash says:

Im 20 now and starting seeing a guy is 26 and has two kids from his past relationship. I’ve been seeing this guy for 6 months now we started off pretty clearly that this is just based on sex and none of us are interested in dating or relationship. But eventually he was the one who started having feelings for me whilst we were sleeping together and claimed that he does like me and would probably consider a future with me but nothing for now which i agreed with because i dont feel i need a relationship yet. He is single and not with his kids mother or anything as such. But now i have feelings for him which i cant seem to handle no more and told him and he was like u do know that i dont want a girlfriend im not ready for that and i do like u but dont have major feelings as u do which is fair enough. But i just feel so crap at the moment i dont know what i want or what should i do

June 17, 2013 at 12:02 am
(176) Heather says:

I’m glad I came across this article, and that I know I’m not alone in my situation. My fwb situation started out as a relationship, then after a year together he found it too much work, and didn’t want to worry about having a girlfriend. I was desperately head over heels in love with him by then so I was grabbing at straws just to keep him in my life, hoping that over time he would fall in love with me so much that he would want to really be with me again completely. Unfortunately, that never happened, and although it still seemed like he was my boyfriend and we’re in a relationship, he had put a wall up, and never told me he loved me anymore, but the sex remained amazing and I would stay at his house a couple times a week. The thing that made me finally realize this had to end after 2 1/2 years was getting more and more attached to him and to his son, and realizing that he was happy to blow me off and not call whenever he was ‘busy’. That just hurt too much. I just finally had the strength to end it a few days ago. He’s completely happy to just see me walk away, I guess I was foolish to think he would say “no baby, don’t go, I love you”. He tells me he loves me ‘as a friend’ but I know that I can’t stay in his life, I will just end up in his bed confused and hurting myself if I do. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but my self respect and self esteem is being destroyed being with a Man who doesn’t really want to be with the completely, and being ignored and blown off whenever he doesn’t feel like seeing me. I know it’s possible for these kind of relationships to evolve, but for most women I think it’s a recipe for heartbreak. I’m sure I would be with someone else by now instead of wasting all that time with someone who didn’t really love me. Why put yourself through that? Move on….

June 28, 2013 at 4:28 pm
(177) Ximena says:

Me and my fwb has been with 2 years now. and in this 2 years, he didn’t have a girlfriend. He is a workaholic that he cant focus on a relationship, but he stay seeing me and we get to business like we always do. I have a feeling for him and i want him to be more than a fwb. But i never ask. so i dont know what it means. But in your situation, stop what u doing, he doesnt want to have a relationship, and thats the end of it. Say bye bye and hello to new bf.

July 4, 2013 at 3:37 pm
(178) David says:

No women can’t handle a sex only relationship. It’s not their fault just the way their built.
I’ve a situation where I’ve know a lady for 14 years and recently she agreed, in fact her idea, that we could have sex.
Wooopie thinks me being she’s a real babe and a lingerie model.
11 count em, that’s 11 months later still NO Sex!
Al talk no action and some serious trust issues with this lady.
Recently getting fed up with this and having her parade around in some seriously sexy lingerie but can’t touch.
Decided, I been put in the friends zone so time to end thing, ultimatum to her we can’t play I’m not staying.
Called it off.
Now this is one of the reasons I don’t do the just friends things with babes. I don’t need to hear how much she wants this guy or that guy and hear the sordid details of her sex life when it’s me that wants to be doing the sordid things to her.
So if i hear the “lets just be friends”or if someone commits to a sexual relationship but doesn’t come through (watch the actions) it’s closely followed by my words.. Fark off then,.
It may be a little bit of pain but it’s a hell of a lot better than the pain of waiting for some lady to take 11 months to decide after all.
No Sex!.
Essentially if you stick around and be a whipping post to hear female angst you get what you deserve, time to be moving on.

July 4, 2013 at 9:57 pm
(179) bren says:

Been through a similar situation, I can definitely relate to this and like everyone says here you have to move on. Self respect comes before anything and everyone else. Don’t move to fast on the sex scene next time and please make sure your next date is worth it.

July 10, 2013 at 3:51 am
(180) Marilyn says:

I have been in a situation like this before but i must confess that i really loved the guy too much that it hurt to think and know that he actually loves but was just playing with my feelings and emotions and probably wanted sex alone but i wanted more… We were crazy about each other and the sex was great, I’m single and so he is. To cut the long story short, i used a commitment love spell from merujhaspellcaster and really it work, i dunno how he did it or whatever he did, but i found out that my relationship with this great guy moved away from sex only into more commitment and talking about the future 2 months after i had used the spell. We are still together going strong and very happy with each other till this day..

July 14, 2013 at 11:02 pm
(181) Roberto says:

What if the girl I’ve been seeing for over two years now, always said to me if you find a woman you want , tell me and I’ll leave?? what does that mean?

July 16, 2013 at 2:57 am
(182) DeNise says:

Quick answer. You can’t. If he doesn’t want a relationship, you can’t make him have one. In the future, remember the benefits of friendship are having someone to go to a movie or dinner with. Intimacy is the benefit of a relationship. No relationship. No benefits. Period.

July 18, 2013 at 12:24 pm
(183) Court says:

So I need help. My ex is my FWB. We dated two years, broke up for three. I never feel out of love with him am we never lost touch. We have been hanging out and had sex a few times. When we hang out we act just like a couple.. He takes me out, holds my hand, cuddles, kisses, etc. well he informed me that he isn’t in the position for a relationship and he wanted to be FWB. Now I’m heartbroken but I still hang around bc I’m in love with him and think I could change his mind bc of our history together. He also told me he loves me but isn’t in love with me. When I aske if he could see himself falling back in love he said only time will tell and got mad at me for asking. Now we have been fighting about it and he told me we are only friends and he’s tired of the drama. What should I do?

July 22, 2013 at 7:12 pm
(184) Jules says:

I have a fwb and I’ve developed feelings for him. We’ve broken all the fwb rules. Please don’t judge but we are both attached. We text every day always in contact. Heavy flirting and meet for sex. We talk about things in our lives. He is not affectionate (kissing, holding etc). I’m passionate person and I need that. He got me a job where he works. Brought me into his life. Mixed messages and Now things are so complicated. I feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes. He’s a big flirt with girls. We are totally in eachothers lives. I know we can’t have a heavy relationship but a nice meaningful hug is nice. I dont want it to end but the fun seems to be slipping. I would love some thoughts on this.

August 11, 2013 at 11:01 pm
(185) AB says:

Wow so I just read the entire thread and its amazing how so many people share the same issue. Let me share mine and ask for suggestions…

He is five years younger than me and we have been friends for almost a year before he started hitting on me. A good friend of ours suggested we send time together and we did, we became inseparable. People started to talk about us and the talk got nasty so we ended things (after 6 months). We talked maybe once every week, he always checks on me until we started up again, we have been back at this now for a year, we both agreed to keep it to ourselves because of what happened the last time. We sleep over each others place at least 4 times a week and we have sex maybe once or twice a month.

He tells me he cares about me and when I travel calks everyday to say he misses me. I told him recently that its time to end this because I won’t more, he said hes unstable and doesn’t want to loose the closest person in the world to him because his head space is messed up. His last relationship ended pretty bad and he tried to commit suicide so I u dear stand him.

We talk every night, he always checks in and even with the fighting lately the most he misses is a day without talking to me. But I don’t know what to do, we hardly have sex but if we do we make love and he talks to me about everything, we have gotten to the point where we both can hardly sleep if the other isn’t there. I know he loves me but he’s afraid of committing and it’s killing me.

He’s destroyed that hes been hurting me and now he’s distant, he talks but just the regular if I’m ok and if we do send time together he behaves as though he doesn’t want to let me go. I love him but I don’t know what to say or do, sometimes I mess up and tell him how much he means to me and then feel like an idiot when he barely responds. Can someone help…

August 19, 2013 at 4:14 pm
(186) AE says:

I am in a similar situation….but a little more complicated. I met this guy at the end of last year and he began pursuing me for months. Since I was new to the area, he introduced me to his co-ed group of friends..and now they have become my close friends. Also, he has successfully chased off any guys who showed interest in me. We finally started going on dates in April. I then met his sister in June, and we hung out when I traveled to her city this summer.

About a month ago, I revealed to him that I was interested in him, but he then told me he wasn’t sure if he wanted anything serious due to a possible relocation. So, I then cut him out of my life completely. The more I cut him off the more he started to pursue me again. I confronted him about his “lack of commitment” and he reminded me that he just was unsure because of his job instability. Well, we wound up reconciling and sleeping together and have been since. While we don’t have a title, I know and have hung out with all of his friends…and one even slipped and told me that he was in love with me. He has met my friends too and has willingly gone to my friends’ parties. Also, he has now started introducing himself as “my man”, when we are out.

I’m so confused on whats going on here! Is it a FWB or more?

August 21, 2013 at 12:58 am
(187) Lisa says:

I was friends with a guy for several months and one night we had sex. We decided to try FWB…after a long 6 or 7 months we began fighting and being jealous of each other. If I had a date with someone, he would get jealous…if he had a date, I would get mad. Finally, I told him I was in love with him and was leaving our relationship all together. I could not stay friends with him any longer and certainly could not sleep with him any longer. Usually this only happens in movies, but he did tell me that he was in love with me as well, he did not want to lose me and did not want to date any other women anymore…he wanted to be committed to only me. That was 4 years ago and we are now engaged and will be married in a year and a half. It CAN happen but you have to be willing to take the chance to not let him use you anymore. He has to respect you and not see you as just sex. If you tell him good bye and he lets you go, believe me, there is someone much better out there. Good luck!

August 22, 2013 at 9:42 am
(188) Angel says:

I have recently entered a FWB relationship..when started out we met on a site.. We met for sex and then switched numbers.. Started hanging out alot, asked me out for a nice dinner about 4 weeks after hanging out.. He told me three weeks after that dinner that we have to stop seeing each other cuz he was getting feelings for me, he was crying and it took him 3 hours to leave .. The only reason for us to not b tog. Is he is afraid of commitment and live 5 hrs away from me and here for only wrk. I was very upset and begged him not to do this.. I was very surprised that he had feelings for me, i never realized i did till he walked out the door and spent the night/ day crying… We txted iff and on theought out the next day and he said he wanted a few days to think about whether or bot he would come to cisit but no sex… So that same night he woke up after sleeping for an hour tells me he cant resist me and that its just FWB we cant do more than that we have to leave it there..
So hard to b with him knowing that we gave feelings for each other but they have to stay where we agreed in the beginning.. My question is kind of the same. How can he do this knowing he was juat crying and saying if we kept thia up he will get attached and wint b able to leave me. But cant walk away.. Grrrrr.

September 11, 2013 at 2:31 pm
(189) Tee says:

Here’s my story:

Back in Jan, I met this guy at work and we became cool associates. At the time, I was infatuated with a different guy, from my church, so I didn’t even consider “X” as a potential anything. When the guy from my church turned me down when I asked him to celebrate my one-year Anniversary in my new city (I relocated in Feb) with me, I asked “X” out to the movies, as “just friends”, since he had previously invited me to Karaoke night with friends. He agreed and we went out and had a great time and he gave me a peck at one point, which I didn’t like, so I stepped back so as to avoid another kiss. During the outing, he also told me about his “philosophy”, which is polyamory (multiple lovers for both partners), so that solidified that I definitely would never wanna be more with this guy, regardless of what may or may not happen with the guy from church.

September 11, 2013 at 2:33 pm
(190) Tee says:

During the next few months, we kept in touch, via phone calls or text or FaceBook and when he moved into his own place in May, he invited me over. I went and he started making moves on me, but I turned him down for anything beyond kissing. We planned for me to visit his place again but then the guy from church told me he only saw me as a friend, so I cancelled the meeting with “X” and told him I was heartbroken and therefore didn’t feel like visiting; he asked why and I told him. FF to early June. Still not completely over the guy from church, I agreed to visit “X” at his place and I made it clear I’d be open to sex should he try it again (I was heartbroken and therefore not thinking clearly). When I went, he made his move and we did it and it was AWESOME! The second week, I called us “fwbs” and he didn’t object. For the first month or so, we hooked up 1x/wk but then we escalated to 2x/wk per his request. Outside of our hook-ups, we’re really cool; we’ve gone to the movies again, to a couple of concerts, out to a local lounge, and out to eat. I’ve also met some of his friends, so I know he’s not embarrassed to be seen with me. We also talk 2-3x/day and I visit even when it’s “that time of the month” and nothing’s gonna happen cuz we like each other’s company that much. And when I visit, we literally spend the whole time cuddling and kissing while watching a movie, and I spend the night and we spend most of that time spooning. We also rarely call each other by name, it’s mostly “baby” and “honey”.

September 11, 2013 at 2:35 pm
(191) Tee says:

During this timeframe, I realized I was catching feelings but afraid he’d run or slow things down, I said nothing. Still, when HE brought up the word relationship mid-July, cuz he was talking about “Libras in relationships together” (we’re both Libras) and I asked for clarity, he said we ARE in a relationship cuz people who communicate/meet up alot do have SOME form of one, but there’s no need to label things and so when I asked straight out if I could fall in love with him, he said no cuz he knew I was only recently getting over my infatuation with the guy at church and he didn’t wanna be a rebound. He also said that he sees me in his future, though, and wants me to be around.

Now, 1.5 months later, my feelings go back and forth. For the most part, I’m happy with what we have cuz I like not having to answer to anyone and other things that go with relationships, but at other times – mostly PMS time – I’m sad and heartbroken that he doesn’t want more. Since he’s polyamorous, I know it’s not a matter of him holding out for someone else since he’d just juggle us (I HATE that idea but he doesn’t seem to be seeing anyone else atm and I see others, so I can live with it), so I just don’t know. He does talk about the future alot and he refers to himself and me as “us” and “we”, and while in the car a couple of times, he’s answered the phone and said he was with his “girl”, but that could also mean ‘homegirl’; he also called me his girl another time but again, the meaning was unclear. Additionally, he has called me SO many things that now I have no idea. Just in the last month, he has referred to me as “wifey”, “helpmate” (a Biblical term), and “woman”, but he also calls me his “friend” alot, too, so I’m unclear on things, but I refuse to bring it up again, as I consider myself fortunate to have talked about it once before and gotten away unscathed.

September 11, 2013 at 2:36 pm
(192) Tee says:

Then, a few days ago, we were talking and when I mentioned a guy I’ve been seeing for three weeks, he followed up with a story about a woman he’d asked to dinner months ago, before we started “kicking it”. It was a little thing, but it told me that for some reason, he found HER attractive enough that he asked her out – with what goal, idk, but still – but since he never asked me out, despite a month or so that he could have, he didn’t find ME that attractive. That really hurt and made me open my eyes to how things are and that we’ll never be anything more. I spent about 20 hrs crying then turned my emotions off. I went over last nite and we had a good time and the sex was good, but I managed to maintain a kind of mental space so as to keep from being further hurt. So now I won’t end it, as I prefer to keep what we have while waiting for a man who’ll want what I want, but I’ve also determined to keep my heart OUT of it and just enjoy it for what it is. I’m actually pretty happy this morning, as I type this; I’m not mourning what could have been but instead am just happy with what is. I just hope I’m able to maintain this distance and not go back to wishing and wanting.

Oh, and for the record, I am totally able to do FWBs minus feelings, as just before “X”, I had a diff FWB for whom I never developed feelings – maybe cuz I still wanted the guy from church? Idk. – and in fact, I let HIM go cuz he caught feelings. And I had another successful FWB in my hometown, so I can do it, but “X” is just such a great guy, I couldn’t help it.

September 18, 2013 at 3:54 pm
(193) Nelly says:

Hi! I was in a similar situation. I am 19 (ill be 20 on Sunday) and my “crush” is 23. We met last year online, but soon realized that we attend the same school, in same class, and from the same hometown. We first started off just texting and messaging each other, then we started to flirt a little. Finally one day he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and I said yes. When we were hanging out, I couldn’t stop looking at him because he was even cuter up close. I instantly fell in love with his looks. We talked for a min, then one thing led to another and we made love. I don’t usually have sex on the first day and even though I did, I actually didn’t feel bad about it. We continued conversation but we mostly only talked about sex because he seemed to like talking about it. I felt like if I did what he wanted then he would like me more. Obviously I was wrong. We had sex on three more occasions and I thought he loved me. He always tells me good things about my “sex game”. He always smiled at me and laughed at my jokes. I misunderstood him. Recently, I texted him and asked him where do we stand and he freaked out and replied not a relationship. Look we need to cut it off because you trying to get too attached and I’m not looking to start a new relationship. Those words were VERY PAINFUL for me. I cried for an hour. Then I thought about it and I said I deserve better. I texted him back and said yes. You are right. We do need to cut it off. He replied ok cool. I haven’t talked to him since then, and this happened this past Monday! The point I’m making is some lessons are best learned through pain. I regret ever opening my legs. Now I feel like I won’t ever get the respect I deserve. I’m a really sweet, good girl. I just made a huge mistake.

September 22, 2013 at 11:56 am
(194) nepher says:

Hello everyone, I’m going through somthing similar and I’m in a big mess! I’ve had a crush on this guy sinc my first year in college… We js used to say hi then…. In my 3rd year my boyfrind and I broke up and somehow I came across my crush again nd dis time we really got talking…bout 3months later we started having sex nd I think I’m in love with him but I don’t know wht to do about it…its been 7months now n I can’t tell him cos its obvious dat we’re fwb but I don’t want to lose his friendship by pushing a relationship on him. He shows emotions sometimes n its like wen he realizes he is, he holds bck. He’s really hrd to read so I dunno what he really feels about me. My ex begged to have me back last week nd I accepted…I don’t think I love him annymore, I’m in love with my fwb! I need help!

October 6, 2013 at 9:27 pm
(195) Ronnie says:

I met and fell in lust (perhaps love as well idk im young) with a guy when i was in high school. he never wanted to be with me then. i ran into him 5 years later at a party and he told me it was meant to be. we moved in together and he told me he loved me and that i was his soul mate but that he wasn’t yet ready for a relationship. he had been in relationships with other women before me and between the time we hadn’t been in contact. he lied to me and used me for sex. and i left him because he lost his job and couldn’t afford the rent. it was all my fault though. but just a tip to ladies. if you REALLY REALLY like a guy dont ever be FWB with him. PLEASE. it does not ever grow into anything more. unless he is lonely. but when he gets back on top again youre the first thing to go.

December 10, 2013 at 1:10 pm
(196) Maggie says:

Hey! When I’m reading your story I see there my story. I’m in exactly the same situation. He constantly saying how much he hates relationships, after his last experience he doesn’t want to have a girlfriend.We have been travelling together for half a year and at that point I didn’t want a relationship either.I overheard him saying that he decided he wants something more than what we have but then at some point I find out that apparently he doesn’t want anything.I don’t know what I did, maybe because I just got too comfortable in this whole relationship and if I kept myself still distanced it would work.It’s been almost a year of our friendship. I share with him beautiful moments and he is one of the closest person I know. I tried to walked away but always end up going back to him. We spoke recently and again I’ve heard the same, how much he hates the relationship and that he doesn’t love me, not in this way, I’m very important and he has feelings but they are more for a sister than romantic ones. I’m trying to move on but it’s difficult, I keep hoping he will change this attitude, I know it’s silly but I’m a big believer that anything can happen. I wish you all the best with your friend and I hope you will find love:)

December 12, 2013 at 8:52 pm
(197) Christie says:

Here’s my situation…

December 12, 2013 at 8:59 pm
(198) Christie says:

Currently I am in a very strange situation…

I am on the cusp of having a friends with benefits. We haven’t had sex yet…but he has told me just recently that he doesn’t want a relationship because he doesn’t want to sew any roots in the city we’re living in.

We’ve been dating for 3 months and going out for drinks/dinner. We’d get together and afterwards we’d make out at his place or mine. I am crazy attracted to him and thought we’d have sex by now but working int he same building and knowing that it would be very hard emotionally for me (if things didn’t work out) has prevented me from going all the way.

Initially I told him I’m into casual dating if things work out great and if not that’s ok too. He read this as wanting a friends with benefits situation.

We started going out and texting through the weeks and just being with him physically has been so great. I love the feeling when we’re together and I’ve managed to keep it pretty light when it comes to making out.

He has said at times “I don’t know what I want” out loud in front of me…suggesting that he doesn’t know whether he wants a relationship or not. I was hopeful about these words

We both really want to have sex with one another still and he’s just gone away for 1 month. This has been a big relief to me. I can really sit back and think about it.

So….my situation is that we’re not friends with benefits yet. I really want to have sex with him but am worried about the consequences i.e. him just wanting to leave after it.

What would you do? I know the answer probably seems obvious but I am so attracted to him and I believe he feels the same.

February 1, 2014 at 4:36 pm
(199) Ananya says:

I have been in exactly the same situation.
worst part in that we study in same college, are part of same group And same friends.. there is not a single way that I could avoid him.. I just love him too much But it’s just all sexual for him and he says that he has no feelings for anyone And doesn’t want any kind of relationship.. it hurts me so bad yet I cannot do anything about it .I just cry myself to sleep every single night, thinking And dreaming about him that probably one day he’ll realize the value of my love And care towards him But then all those feelings go vain..
I wish someone could help me. someone could love me.. someone could make him realize..

February 16, 2014 at 7:09 pm
(200) orangeo says:

I am in the same situation, as I have fallen in love with the wrong guy. We became friends about 5 months ago, and it was just amazing. I still can’t believe he only wants sex. When I met him, for the first 4-6weeks, he would call me all the time. He had told me he had just got out of a bad relationship, and was dating someone new when I met him. At that time, I only cared to be his friend. He had also told me that he had some issues and he needed to get married to a u.s citizen, I told him I just wanted to be his friend. Now I am in love with him, and we started having sex about a month after we met. He was so nice and sweet to me, he would cuddle and hold me all night long. 2 months later I told him I have fallen in love with him, and he suddenly starts to pull away. He told me he doesn’t want to hurt me. Last month, I realized he had broken up with his other girlfriend and started a new relationship. I asked him and he said he loves the new woman he’s dating now. I decided to unfriend him on facebook as the new girl is allover tagging him in posts on fb. I have been trying to move on since last month, but everytime I make progress distancing myself, he would call or text to check on me. Last week he called me and said just because he was in love with another woman didn’t mean that he does not have feelings for me and want me. We had sex again. And just last friday, he had told me he was gonna be with his girlfriend. But he called me later and we had sex again. I kept feeling bad because when we were together, his girlfriend kept calling, and he just ignored her. I sent him a message today that I didn’t want to sex him anymore. I know I will miss him, ‘cos I genuinuely fell in love with him. However, I just hope he’s going to miss me and come back to me.

March 7, 2014 at 8:20 am
(201) michelle says:

I had love at first sight with him at a gas station….but with my mom so had to go…first..eyes locked…..months later seen him at New church went to….still had wicked feeling for him…my daughter even commented that I liked up and was bugging me….he asked me out on date..we got hammered and had sex that night(I haven’t had it for2 years)..he got in habit of coming by at night and leavin in morning….I asked him to define our relationship..he said Fwb….and he didn’t know if ready for relationship bullshit…I called him on it saying I like you…. Know it….if you don’t no it ..I guess you don’t like me and I am past time while you try to find the one…he stayed with me at night but he was really mad at me..sulking in my bed….I told him I wanted commitment and marriage from get go..I haven’t.heard from him and still 4 months later can’t kiss anyone because love him..but he moved out of town…now working on myself..if I see guy I like will try it out…don’t think I will give it up anymore until know each other

April 19, 2014 at 9:12 am
(202) Joey says:

I was involved in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy I liked. He asked me out last January but I couldn’t date him so around last March we started flirting to the max and then around April we began to act more like friends with benefits but not physically just with talking and texting. Around May he officially asked me to be friends with benefits and at first I had refused but then I accepted. We were friends with benefits until December, by mid December I got into a really silly relationship with a friend of his because he kept telling me he didn’t want a relationship. In the end, he confessed he wanted to be in a relationship with me. Now we’ve been together for three and a half months so not all relationships that start as friends with benefits ends up badly. We are really close and really care about each other. We trust each other the way siblings trust each other. Don’t be quick to judge all friends with benefit relationships.

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