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Bonny Albo

What Does 'Taking a Break' Mean?

By July 29, 2013

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The Meetcha Live blog once talked about divorce being "catchy" (see: Have you caught the divorce bug?) yet I hear more about 'taking a break' than anything else these days. The problem is, most folks are confused about what taking a break really means, even if they're in that stage of their relationship, or even suggested it.

One reader summed it up for me nicely: "Taking a break means not cutting ties to each other, but postponing the relationship temporarily to see where things are at." I like the definition, other than the 'see where things are at' part, because it's still vague and fails to list specifics.

To me, taking a break means taking a step back from a relationship that has yet to meet one or both partner's needs, and reviewing how the relationship fits into their life picture over the long term. It's about re-evaluating or redefining the relationship and removing the stress-filled aspects the relationship itself temporarily.

The problem with 'taking a break' is that few people actually define what it means for their relationship. Does it mean one or both of you see other people? Do you contact each other (like texting), or do you really take a break from interacting on all levels? When does the break end, and how will either of you know it? What outcome(s) are one or both of you hoping for from taking a break, and do both parties know it?

The only book I've read that tackles this touchy subject is one I've talked about briefly: Don't Break Up, Make Up by Dr. Bonnie Weil (Buy Direct). In it, Weil suggests that couples take a break to save their relationship, and outlines specific requirements to ensure everyone's needs are met. For those of you currently taking a break or considering it, I highly recommend picking up up for a read.

But what about you? Have you ever taken a break? Why? What happened? Was the outcome positive, or worth it to you? Why or why not?

Related: Take a Dating Break, What Not To Do After a Breakup, Can You Break Up to Make Up?

Comments
July 29, 2010 at 9:52 pm
(1) Marc Dwayne says:

‘Taking a break’ suggests one or the other partner is feeling ‘smothered’ or ‘stifled’. If someone wants to ‘take a break’ from you, one thing you should never do is ‘contact’ that person in any way, shape or form. Never act ‘desperate’ …bawl…or make a scene. Make yourself a little less ‘available’. Enjoy the break and see other guys. The best revenge is to live life to the fullest. Don’t mope around or lay in bed watching re-runs of ‘Desperate Housewives’. Men can smell ‘desperate’ like a bloodhound smells a cadaver. Let him know you can live ‘with’ or ‘without’ him. And if you ‘are’ smothering him, you would be wise to remember that men sometimes need to ‘run with the pack’. Give him some breathing room and try not to act like a jealous bitch.

September 24, 2010 at 1:46 am
(2) Jonmerry says:

I would say taking a break is good because it makes one get revitalized and freshen up. But then it puzzles even further when you decide to give the other person space but they keep on sending you messages with mixed signals. Coz i think in the first place the break was as a result of a misunderstanding and you want to figure out something but someone continues to drag you back in the confusion.

November 23, 2010 at 10:52 am
(3) Marcos says:

I love my girlfriend and I asked for us to take a break because I felt that the problems in her life plus some of my own situations was having in effect on our relationship and holding us back from being able to have the type of relationship we could have. she had asked for time and space but wanted for us to keep contact as usual via txt and calls and just us not being around eachother as much( not that we were to beging with), I agreed but was making me feel rejected because she was acting distant and different so I asked her for us to take 2 weeks apart with out contact, my reason being not that I wanted to break up, AT ALL, but that it was to give us time and space to miss each other and to let the stress and emotions level out also to not feel rejected and wanted for us to miss eachother and not let problems ruin what we had or still have, we never really argued we always able to communicate and we get along great, she didn’t seem wanting to not have any contact so I said to forget the suggestion but she is now mad and seems not wanting to continue and ask that now she is the one that wants to to take the time to figure if she wants to continue or not… what will happen? I don’t know…. I do know that I love her and if she loves me she will see and want for us to be together

July 20, 2011 at 2:16 am
(4) Kianna says:

So me and my boyfriend agreed on taking a break a few days ago, it hurts like hell but I totally understand it. He’s older than. Me 8yrs to be exact. I’m just starting to get on my feet as in ill be buying my 1st car in less than 2months. He’s financially paying for everything we do all the dinners, movies, golfing, mavs game b4 they won everything. Plus he’s coming back and fourth to come and pick me up about 35mins back and fourth so I understand this break. I’m just scared as to how long its going to be. I asked him does he think it’ll help us and he said yes. He told me he needs at least 50/50 or 50/40 coming from me which is why I understand this break. But then again he said were able to date he said he Is not getting into any other relationship with anybody, but why date hmm idk that’s the part that had me thinking but I have to give him his space I’m forcing myself not to contact him even though he said we should still keep some kind of communication going. I can only hop and believe what he says because I don’t want to lose him. Me trying to get on my feet will be good for me to get on track with things. Of course I would love to pay for dinner or a movie every once in a while now that I have a job I can do that. So I’m praying that this break is a good thing in the end and that we will get back together. Praying that it’ll make the relationship better for the both of us. If anyone has any advice please reply to Kianna, thanks

December 29, 2011 at 3:02 am
(5) cM says:

me an my boyfreind were exactly 8 months wen he asked for a break.. at that time i didnt understnad, i couldnt face the fact that he was gna be gone.. i tot that we were still toghether bt jst didnt talk…. no it want like that he told me ..that it was better if we seen other people and dt wtevr we had was veryy special but we couldnt be toghter.. i got really depressed even lost 20 pounds.. i didnt want to face realty.. i never did i was soo blinded by the word he usyo tell me.. he would say i love yuh.. i dont knw wt i would do withoutnyuh..( BLAH BLAh)… he was the sweetest ting that ever happend too me..
we eneterd high skol and wt a sursprise i had him for 1st period..it scared me by the time we got bak toghther, caused becuse he got jelous.. he seen me wen i was dateing my boyfriend.. he realized i moved on,he tot i wasnt strong enough too get over him but i did… and it hurt him,he wanted me bak.. we did go bak and broke upp.
last time that we went bak, we were seperated by family,his family tryed too seperate us,for a bad dicion me and him did that day,… we kouldnt be toghther till he fixed things with his family..he did bt he decided that it was better to move on…
it hurt me becse i tot all the things he promiised me that this time it would work out were reall. bt they wornt.. he told me this a day after winter brake… i ishh that wen we go bak to skol and he sees me he will realixe that he loves, me hopefully he doesnt realize it toolate… wen im already wit soemone eals, becuse nits hard trying to decide who to saty with… when yuh love themm both. ive been in this sittuation 4 time.. only 2 of the times ive done the right dciond..
but i dint regret enything and yuh shuldnt either.. all the mistakes we doo is our choices, and wtever good or bad comes out of it,we are gna have to face and live wit..the rest of out life we like it or not….

July 18, 2012 at 5:57 pm
(6) Ash Ley says:

Let’s stop sugar coating it for all those people out there who thrive on that last bit of hope. Move the hell on. If he or she is asking for a break…it means he or she is breaking up with you. Sorry doll, but you didn’t make the cut – they don’t want you. Cut your losses, use it as a learning experience, and do whatever you got to do to just get over it – because they are already over you.

August 8, 2012 at 10:51 am
(7) gina says:

I am 55 and I asked for a break from my seven year dating relationship. I just got cloudy because so much had changed in the course of our dating time together. I met new friends and took some long weekends to myself. There was a new manfriend but it was just a little adventure , no real intimacy. Anyway after three months I would have made the best wife and love my partner dearly. I was ready….He was gone I think mainly his ego got in the way. Every one get so defensive when they are not the center of attention. Serously I found out how much I loved him….I needed the break. of course he is gone now forever and I am lost.

August 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm
(8) Sue says:

You know what Marc, I found myself in this position with a guy. Only problem is he overlooked the fact that I get mauled by interest from other men. I can see this clearly and so I’m going to give this guy as much ‘space’ as he wants – he can have so much space we don’t need to ever speak again!

October 25, 2012 at 6:35 am
(9) ozzy says:

My girlfriend said little time ago that she wants a break. I said it’s ok , but it really hurted a lot. She changed her facebook status to single at the same day. I have tried to text her but she acts distantly so i stopped texting her at all. I have been very desperate and i’ve been telling to my good friend about my bad feelings. Few days ago i sent her a long meaningful text where i explained how much she means to me and how much i love her. She replied whit an one letter text “K” … Somebody help me pls, i don’t understand this at all. A day before she tell about break we were like before. Loving eachother and act ing normally . What the f*ck happened!?

October 30, 2012 at 2:19 pm
(10) Missy says:

Jut bcz she acts “fine” doesn’t mean she is, she is just holding it in. So if you can think back, what is the argument she keeps having with you? That’s what is bothering her and she is frustrated that your not doing anything about it. Because to us, when you fail to act on it, it means that you don’t care enough for the relationship to change it. So the break is to give you space to see I you want to make the change on your own.

November 11, 2012 at 8:15 am
(11) Karry says:

Me and my boyfriend just started to take a break.And its only the third day and its driving me nuts! I miss him so much.:( The reason for this break was..well first,i was going through a lot of family problems, And i got to clingy..my boyfriend is the sweetest guy i know, and i was having trust issues and he was scared to tell me everything cz he didn’t want to hurt me , and i would get upset for anything..ever since my mom left i wasn’t acting like myself..We started having dumb arguments,we would get over them quick,but we were stressed out..and i think what the main problem was..was that we were hanging out non stop…And i never gave him his time to do his own thing..i was scared of losing him,but I’ve learned that when you don’t give space in a relationship it just makes things worse..three days ago we both agreed on the break..it was so hard for both of us..we both cried a lot…but we knew that we had rushed things way to fast in our relationship ..and that we needed time to figure out who we were and what we did wrong..in order to start in our relationship again..we have been sending long messages to each other ever since the break started ..but we take long to write back..i miss him and love him so much i know he does also but i feel this is what we need in order to make things right and start fresh again..we don’t know for how long this will go for but were waiting for the right time for us to see eachother and talk about everything

December 6, 2012 at 3:43 pm
(12) Cierria says:

I think it should not mean seeing other people. You two are not broken up, just not being in each other’s company. How you contact each other (if both of you agree on it) is up two the 2 people in the relationship. Dating someone else while you’re on break is cheating, also it is insincere. How can you really be examining things if you are seeing someone else? Once again, taking a break means you two are not contacting each other as much or at all, but in the mist of it….sorting through things. It is a thinking process. Is he good for me? Am I good for him. Will I be hurt again? What should we do to prevent this or that from happening again? But make sure you are really thinking things through, they are not going to wait their whole life for you. It is also hurtful to be dating someone while you have feelings for another, how can you date someone else and have mixed feelings for another. Save yourself the heartache as well as the new person you are dating…..soon to be a victim.

December 15, 2012 at 9:49 pm
(13) amber says:

me and the guy i was with he asked to take a brake we have been friends since we was little and iv had strong feelings for him he is older than me by two years . I understand where he is comming from he works his butt off all the time and im the first real girlfriend hes ever really had in high school . I dont want to see other people cause i see that as cheating and im wanting things to work out not get worse its hard but im going to stay strong cause i have faith in this .

December 22, 2012 at 7:02 pm
(14) janice says:

I’ve been seeing someone for well over a year. We met last July and have been in a relationship ever since. He met someone else and moved in with her but we continued to sleep together. We just can’t seem to say goodbye to each other. We have been through a lot and i know he cares for me and now he tells me he is trying to take a break from me. i love him he cares about me but he is confused with the relationship,so we will see where it goes.

January 3, 2013 at 1:35 pm
(15) Andrew says:

my gf me 5 months said to me today she needs a break to sort herself out and concentrate on her health. she has been sick for past 4 to 5 weeks and doctors not sure what is wrong. having tests for everything. i have known her for years. she says i treat her better then anyone has in tho past and she loves me but can’t be with me atm.
i am so hurt and confused. only ever want to make her happy but feel i was to full on.
what is everyone’s opinion what should i do?

February 22, 2013 at 3:00 pm
(16) gary says:

the relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years was great. never a terse word between the two of us. she told me she’s never been happier in her life. We both love one another deeply. about 2 months ago she told me she needed to explore another interest, a married guy she works with. he’d confided in her regarding his unhappy marriage and told her he’s interested in her and wants a divorce. We ended our relationship and have gone no contact for the most part. I spoke with her after 2 months and she told me she still cries thinking about us but she HAS to play out this other interest. he still hasn’t filed for divorce and claims that due to financial issues he needs to live with his wife for 4 months. she made the mistake of telling people at work and the gossip mill began. she pushed the issue with HR and they ended up moving her into a non-managerial role at a different facility. Worse yet, nearly the same thing happened to her before I met her, married guy, she ended up quitting/losing her job. How blind is she that she can’t see the destructive path she is on?

March 4, 2013 at 6:45 pm
(17) Crystal says:

I’ve been in a four year relationship where we had so many issues but truly love each other. I’ve also been married in the past. My boyfriend has been exhibiting signs that he wants space, so I told him that we needed a break so that we can rejuvenate. That was 5 days agao. We’ve lived together for 3 years and it’s hard because he moved out yesterday. We decided that we’re not going to cut each other off and still hang out occasional. I’m going to Europe for a 17 day trip by myself in 6 weeks and when we get back he says we will talk about us dating again and living together.

This has taught me so much about how much I love him and about myself. I’m sure that I’ll learn more once I fully move out into my own place and travel. Sometimes hen you’ve been together for so long, a little space is needed. We made the mistake of being around each other constantly. I’ve learned my lesson not to do that anymore.

Hopefully this works out and I will keep you updated. For the most part, it’s a good thing because if it was meant to be then it will be. If not, you’re saving yourself some time from experiencing the inevitable.

March 10, 2013 at 8:39 pm
(18) bob says:

ozzy i can relate to.you because through same thing just happened to me. the day after our one year anniversary she tells me that the only way she can be happy is to.be with other people. yet she treats me like we are together when we are in person with each other yet when.im.at work she tells me she can’t be with me (over a text) yet tells she loves me and misses me still acts like we are together. she’s the one who.wants a break and its out of the blue. a day after we’ve been together for a year. i give her everything she asks for but her “break ” is so she wont feel.bad when she is with other people. but i have a question i dot. know if anyone can answer because she doesn’t even know but how can she act like were together and nothing is wrong but then behind her phone or when she’s not around.me i mean nothing?

April 10, 2013 at 12:10 pm
(19) Kelcie says:

My boyfriend and I are taking a break. We got into a huge fight, the biggest we have ever had during our 3 year relationship. We moved in about 6 months ago and we still had a lot of issues to be worked on before we moved in, so this didn’t work out too well. I was very unhappy to the point I was getting depressed, and low and behold he was too. So we decided its best if I move out. Luckily though I feel like we’re on the same page with the right talk. Basically we’re both gonna be really busy for 3 weeks so were not gonna talk, so we both can clear our heads because we’re so confused. After 3 weeks were gonna meet up and talk. We both discussed that we were not ready to say this is done and that we think this can work if we really work on it. I’m not sure of what the outcome is going to be after this, it could result in break up but I think we love each other enough to make it work. I think we really needed this because without this, I don’t think we ever could get the relationship we needed.

April 28, 2013 at 2:25 pm
(20) theodore says:

My boyfrd told me a wanted a break does dat mean he does nt love me?cos even on valentine day he did nt not call me he only sent a txt.2day later i called him 2 ask him y he did nt call he told me dat he was sorry.then i asked him if he truly loves me,n hw many percent was d love he had 4 me,he told me 2 end d call if i had notin 2 say.does it means he is cheating on me?he smtimes send a txt 2 say he loves n misses me.4 2months nw he has nt called me.does it means he cheating on me?

May 13, 2013 at 2:00 pm
(21) carmen says:

Theodore, I have been googling taking a break. It sounds like a true break is 2 people coming together mutually agreeing what the boundaries are for a break. Usually it is not daing other people, no contact, and the agreed time of length to get back together. (they recommend not more than a month). It sounds like this never occurred in your relationship and it’s been past two months. I would move on if I were you. However, if you truly want to try to close the chapter. I would call him and say something about two months have passed -Question is he met someone else and have your self respect and state that you can no longer go on this break and need to move on.. Personally, it sounds like he is seeing someone or other women and is keeping you on the back burner just in case it doesn’t work out and it is unfair to you because it really is a “break up” not a “break”

May 20, 2013 at 3:17 pm
(22) shannon says:

My boyfriend and I are on a break. We have been miscommunicating and I have been going off on him it seems for every little thing because he never seems to speak clearly about what he is trying to say. We are still talking and still close but he spends time with his friends more now and there are some changes he needs to make. Together for 4 months now, and he cannot say I love you at all. Doesnt know if he will ever be able to say it. He is asking himself some self-evaluating questions right now like: Do I love her? Do I want a lifetime committment with her? He asked already asked me to move him with him twice and I wont do so without a committment of some seriousness. I dont know how to react–every second I feel like it is over when he walks out the door and spends time on his own. He says that he isnt seeing anyone and I am not either–we both agreed we wouldnt. But dont know how long this break will be and if we will come together at the end of it. Any hints of what to do now?

May 22, 2013 at 2:21 pm
(23) Michelle says:

My boyfriend and I decided to take a break 3 weeks ago .
I realized that he was feeling indifferent , and cold , he wasn’t acting like he used too . I decided to tell him how I was feeling and it upset him, he felt bad but couldn’t give me an answer to why he was acting like that . We went 2 weeks trying to figure things out and work out what was wrong but nothing seemed to be effective. I then came to the conclusion that he needed a break . To figure out what he wants to do with his life , how he feels about me and this relationship. We have been together for 3 years and we have never been apart for so long , we would see each other everyday, and now I can’t see him nor can
I talk to him . It hurts me alot to be in this situation and I think about him everyday . I love him and he loves me to , he says he just need to get things in order . I’m afraid to lose him since he has become not only my boyfriend but my best fiend as well . I just don’t know how long does this break need to be . when it’s to little or to much ..

June 28, 2013 at 7:37 am
(24) boy says:

We’ll my gf wants us to take a break which I don’t agree with coz I asked her wats the problem n y doz she wants 2 take a break and al she syd is its personal n she jst wants 2 take a break from me, so doz dis mean she’s hiding something from me dat she does,nt want me 2 know about r is it another bf she got so now she’s scared to tel me?

July 22, 2013 at 6:28 am
(25) etienne says:

I’ve been dating my gf for 2 years, I have huge financial issue in where I still depend on my parents to give me pocket money which I used to take her out. Things started going wrong in her family and decided that she wants her a “break” I didn’t like the idea at first and then she started a new friendship with a guy that she schools with and this guy has been close to her because when I ask her what was going on she flipped on me and said “not every guys try to get in my pants” wtf. Then when she asked for a break I told her we need 2 have boundaries so that we don’t cheat on one another and she said I should think of myself as a bff n not her bf. Yes it hurted me n I told her my boundary for her will be that “she may not hang out with other guys,unless the guy is gay” she flipped again. That’s when I noticed that she wanted out of the relationship but I stillrefused to give her the break. Then when I decided that I will give her a break she tells a friend of mine that she went out with that guy and they are not dating and also tell him dat we were done and dat its over between us

July 24, 2013 at 6:38 pm
(26) Melody says:

I’ve been wanting to take a break with my boyfriend for a while now, only been constantly putting it off. We’ve been together for 2 years and believe I do love him. It’s just the first long term relationship I’ve been in, I’m not used to it, and I worry that I may be losing a part of myself or something. I also feel like we may have lost that happiness we had in the beginning of the relationship. And I really want it back. So that is what I see “taking a break” as. A means of finding yourself, and allowing yourself time to evaluate everything. To think about what matters and what doesn’t. To consider your happiness. I find being in a relationship can really hamper my ability to think clearly at times and decipher what it is I actually want because I always have my partners wants in mind too. A break can also allow yourself time to miss each other, which I believe can bring you closer. I wouldn’t want to see other guys on my break though, and I would not want him to see other girls. It would just be painful for the both of us. And inevitably screw up our future together.

August 4, 2013 at 11:14 am
(27) Robin says:

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years he went on hoilday to meet his dad for the 2nd time in his whole life bit when he came back he wanted a break which I was really surprised becuase he were so happy went he left life was good but ever since he told me he wanted a break he not spoken except from the times I have a go at him becuase my close friend who is dating is best friend has told me hes talking to someone new but she has a track of lying so I am not sure if I believe her or him:/ I want to be with him but this break is making me go crazy:/ I am just gunna wait until he text me but I dunno how long that’s gunna be:/ but I think we just need time and space from ewch other:/

August 4, 2013 at 6:37 pm
(28) Kristine says:

i just experienced a so called time for a break from a guy and we are close in age by a difference of 2 years in our 40s. We have been dating for over a year. Things were going fine for a while somehow i felt him starting getting distant on me. The problem was i was working all the time and late evenings for the past month. He works nights and cant seen to spend the quality time like we did in the beginning. I tried several times to discuss this situation with him. But somehow always had a smile on his face telling me to relax. Kept asking him to plan things and just never did. Weill he told me that on a thursday, spent that friday to saturday together. Then didnt hear from him until monday with a text stating I’m not feeling it that much anymore and we really should take a break. Why does a guy have to do that on a text when you try talking to them in person. We did wind up talking in person and stated that he wasnt saying goodbye to me needed a break. I was trying too hard. So now i am not trying at all no texts, no phone calls nothing. Just trying to stay positive and its hard because I realize how much i miss him and i dont want to lose him in my life. I feel so sick all the time now. So i am just going to hold out and pray that we talk soon and give him the space he needs.

August 9, 2013 at 8:40 am
(29) naty* says:

me and my bf been dating for almost 2 yrs we live together the whole time. am considering a break, our relationship been rocky this past 8 months. i have been faithful in every aspects so far. we do everything practically together we do the whole 9 yards movie, dinner, go places, cook-outs friends house. Dont get me wrong i love it but we never have time for our selfs as a couple. were ever we go or do we do it as afamily we have 2 kids mine from previous relationship as well for him. i feel like we never get to do the whole 1on 1 things acouple. his not an affectionate person evern though i ways asking to be it but never is its like i have to drag him to say i miss you or i love you. dang a girls likes to hear nice things from her significante person. i know i have done things wrong the way it shouldnt been done. i dont now how to communicate with him since if i say something he says its excuses or dont even reply back to me. :( i guess it is time for that break.

August 20, 2013 at 5:14 pm
(30) Byran says:

I just took a brake with my girlfriend and it hurts like hell because I’m too emotionally attached to her. Each day passes I feel like I’m loosing her from this gap between us. The problem between us is that were both short tempered which leads too us fighting 80% of the time. So this gives us piece of mind and time to deal with our tempers that is the good part about it but the bad part is that I might actually loose her because now theirs this gap between us that just keeps filling us and she doesn’t seem ready to re-united yet. Yip guess love hurts!

September 25, 2013 at 2:09 pm
(31) Ryan11433 says:

How long a break is supposed to take? it been over four months. =(

September 26, 2013 at 12:01 pm
(32) Sarah says:

Ryan 4 months seems a little long. but how is the relationship? is there communication? progress?

September 26, 2013 at 12:09 pm
(33) Sarah says:

My love and I have been together 4 years. Moved in 3 months after dating. We have 5 small children, my 2 and his 3. I am 27 he is 31. Our main issues have always been the kids. He and I get along great, best friends, same hobbies and lifestyles. However we can’t seem to accept eachothers kids and this is becoming extremely hurtful for everyone. After 2 years of me staying home due to daycare costs things have gotten rough. He works, my JOB is EVERYTHING else. I have built resentments and am angry all the time. This is not me. Last night we agreed to take a break but are going to take a couple of days to work out the details. I appreciate all the comments about boundaries and communication. I am incredibly nervous, I’m not sure we can learn to love eachothers kids like our own and this is the ONLY way it will work. Any insight is welcomed.

September 27, 2013 at 12:22 am
(34) karla says:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and he is very old fashioned and since ive been cheated and lied to my whole life i kinda talked to a couple friends who would hit on me when we had a bump in the relationship. he never talked to girls and he was very commited. I didnt know he was that serious with me but when he finally told me and we were gonna try at the relationship seriously he wanted to make sure so he asked for my phone and i was dishonest cuz i did keep contact w some friends in the very begining of the relationship, basically he didnt want me to have any guy friends and hanging out if they liked me. so he got mad and was about to break up but then his mom heard us talking about it and she said he should give me a chance, one last chance. i told him that since he said he was serious w me that i was gonna show him w everyday actions that hes the one i love and i was begining to but how if he had to look through my past? him and his mom talked and he came back to tell me that we should take a break, that he is very mad couldnt be with me then, to take some time off for now but who knows when we come back. he said that during that time we could see what i end up doing with my time. so i agreed and immediately erased all social media and changed my number. now what? will he even try to return? a break, wouldnt he have just broken up with me and not have to deal with it? i am very confused, why not just end it? means he might still want to give it a chance but just needs to cool off?

September 29, 2013 at 6:28 am
(35) Ryan11433 says:

Sarah, yeah I see now there was communication progress as we were still texting each other and that was a mistake so we agreed to redo the break and I will just have to wait and see what happen?

September 29, 2013 at 7:47 am
(36) Ryan11433 says:

Another note I’ve stopped texting her since 09-27-2013.

October 2, 2013 at 10:08 am
(37) Ryan11433 says:

The break is indeed working as this website that I discovered last week was helpful and if she really don’t come back it is fine I really can live without her. I have suffered since May and I got more of myself back on Monday. I do miss her and always will. It is really up to her to decide but not me anymore – It never was for me to decide for her to come back.

October 6, 2013 at 7:46 am
(38) Ryan11433 says:

Hmm thanks for the suggestion but I shouldn’t make her to decide right away even though I just had another bad dream that I am already engaged to her and she is missing from me almost five months now that is really sad I just have to wait and see what happen that she comes back to me or not. Who knows?

October 7, 2013 at 10:55 am
(39) Contemplative Gal says:

The man I have been seeing this past summer said he needs a break. We nailed it down until Dec. 1st. We get along great and always have a wonderful time together, but he is going through a divorce and he doesn’t want to complicate things by her finding out about me or me being dragged through it.
On some level, I read what so many of the posts say “He’s not that into you, move on” which might be the case. OR he might just need the time because his head is very scrambled. He assures me he thinks I’m terrific, but just can’t cope with all that is on his plate now. He also has been experiencing health problems.
I don’t know that there is a cut and dried way to go about this.
Perhaps as one poster said, really giving the other his space might be the way to go. If there are true feelings there, you might just have to give the person a lot of space in order to miss you.
He wants me to go out if I am interested in someone else. I said I sure would go out if I met someone I liked.
I have never been in this situation before and it sucks. I love him. I’ll let you know what happens…but for now I am going to the gym, Meetups, being active and just having a good time. I refuse to cry in my pillow…not that much anyway!

October 7, 2013 at 11:31 pm
(40) Myke says:

I met a girl, just saying a girl but she’s a lady, at a bar, she introduced herself to me, and im not that pushy, never was,she was with a female friend, and we talk for a while, laughing and got click very quickly because she wanted it, introduced me to almost all her guy/girlfriends even her daughter, so we been close really fast and she started on showing me that she wanna take it to the next level apparently, we had a lot a good time together, crazy times, and she even started on making plans with me for travel, business together, I’ve got in a point of changing my work schedule just so we can be close, big mistake, she acted clingy, and don’t wanna go to the place we met cause she judge it cheesy and out of her style, so we don’t go there no more just so I could meet her needs, but been like two months I was struggin personal stuff, enrolled for school, not having a job cause Im more focus on achieving my school now and have the life I’ve always wanted,im not taking, that away from her, the sweetest person someone could be with, no lies I love her, but since those two months she withdrawn big-time and not even want me to call text or whatever since she’s the one that spoiled me at first on those habits,telling me she’s breakindown, need space and stuff ok but how long? And all of a sudden she tell me to forget her, and I’ve never ask her for any support financially always on my own asked her just to support me on my study and it kept me focus, long story, it’s been a month since I saw her and she doesn’t act like she care last time we text she just told me to stop, so I asked her, and the very late at night the next day she made it clear its sounded over, so it’s been a week since I have the text message, im losing the ability even for study, I don’t know what to do …

October 8, 2013 at 11:07 am
(41) Ryan11433 says:

Myke I don’t want you to suffer what I have gone through and the real answer is that you just need to let go the girl you have met as she told you to forget about her. I know it’s hard and it hurts.

October 12, 2013 at 4:06 pm
(42) 03152013 says:

Me & my boyfriend have been gong it for 6 months, and yesterday he told me he wanted to take a break, I was so sad, there were alot of years from both of us. I didnt understand why there should be a break, if we would still hang, go to church together and text. Then I thought aboit it and I guess it is for the good, I told him I won’t talk to anyon or mess around &he wont do that either. Ive liked him since I was in second grade and I was so happy when I finally got together. But I guess I can wait longer now that we are taking a break, it just hurts, he hasc really made me so happy, this is the realest relationship for me that if ever had a few weeks ago he was just was going through things and It kinda got in between our relationship he was acting distant to me. I can honestly say I want him to be my future husband not any time soon. if we do exec get married ill write back on here to let yall know lol

October 17, 2013 at 2:57 pm
(43) TinaB says:

I am currently taking a break from my boyfriend. I have some really stressful things happening in my life right now and he needed to be removed. It worked out perfect because I realized I had lost own identity. We talk once a week and text when our favorite sports teams are playing, we Like the same teams and did before we even met. but through the break I have been able to find myself and when he talks to me in our weekly phone call he can tell I am getting back to my normal self and alot of my stress has been lifted. We are hoping that things will work out so that we can reconnect in about 2 months.

October 20, 2013 at 1:46 pm
(44) Ryan11433 says:

TinaB thanks for the idea of your comment and your boyfriend seem correct that from taking the break causes more stress to be lifted as you get back to normal. Maybe that is the issue that leads harder ways to find yourself when you miss him?

October 24, 2013 at 1:32 pm
(45) mathews says:

i hade the same problem cause me n ma girl we whr having a problem of having sex , so i think xe is running away bcaus xe is scared of hving sex wit me but its really painfull

October 27, 2013 at 1:12 am
(46) Bing says:

I had been with my girlfriend for 15 months. We met in college. Fell in love. Both thought we had found our soul mates. Talked about moving in together. Marriage. After we both graduated, there was about nearly two hours of distance between us. But we made it work. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been able to find a job since graduation (and is living with her parents) and I haven’t been able to find a better job to allow us to move in together. Thought things were going well till the last time I went to see her and she was so distant. When I got home, she sent me a message saying she needed a break. That she loved me, but she didn’t want to be with me right now. I love and care for her enough that if this is what it takes to make it work, then so be it.

For two weeks though, she would still message me on Facebook and sending me mixed signals (that she missed me….then she needed space…and back and forth) and I found myself starting to resent her every time she messaged me and it was not to get back together. So I suggested a no contact rule and she said till February. We’re not even a week in and I feel like I’m missing a half of me.

October 27, 2013 at 8:10 pm
(47) Nikita says:

My boyfrined errr…. ex boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, all of a sudden he wanted a break but the things he said just makes me think it’s more of a break up.

He said he thinks of me everyday
yet he needs space to figure out how he feels…
I said okay, take your break.
Then he said he doesn’t know if he’ll come back or not
but he doesn’t want me to hope that he will
and I should learn to be happy with out him.

Which makes me think I waisted 3 years of my life with this guy. Lol oh well. Yet I still love him which is insane.
I know he won’t come back now.

But how do you get over someone you can’t ever feel angry about, does that mean anything when you just forget about the bad they do?
I’ve never felt this way about a persons before
and yes I do understand he’s not coming back.

October 30, 2013 at 11:33 am
(48) Natasha says:

Nikita this is exactly how i felt right now . all i know is confused, sad, angry and any sorts of mixed feelings .

November 2, 2013 at 2:48 am
(49) Nikita says:

Hi Natasha

This is what happens when a guy just leave you for no reasons but his own.

They’ll never tell us why and looking
for answers has wore me out.

November 3, 2013 at 1:45 am
(50) Myke says:

Thanks Myke for those words of support, Right now im more focus on my carrier now than a relationship,I ve been deceived too many times, the best thing either a girl/or a man can do when someone you care for ask you for space it’s to respect that person choice, at the end no one is better are perfect than another it takes real love and understanding and humility and empathy to not hurt someone’s feelings, after all life goes on, im strengthen myself spiritually and emotionally, there are too many people available that would make each other’s life happy, we’re all human, love and unconditional acceptance make the difference.

November 13, 2013 at 10:24 am
(51) Lynda says:

Ok, I need some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3yrs, and the first 6months were the best. I’m not sure what happened, but it feels like we have constantly been arguing for 2 and a half yrs. The problem is, we love each other. At least, I think we do. He has this thing he does, where nothing I say or do matters, that someone else’s opinion is always going to be better. He purposely tries to make me jealous, and when he gets angry he purposely says things to hurt. I, overall, try to be understanding but its starting to get really hard. I have considered breaking up with him several times, but am currently leading towards taking a break to see if that will bring up feelings that may have been forgotten. This is my first serious, long term relationship. I am 22 and he is 25. I should also mention that it’s hard to be intimate with him, because I don’t feel secure in the relationship anymore. I need some advice, is a break worth a shot?

November 25, 2013 at 12:10 am
(52) Tyler15 says:

Hi there. my girlfriend said about a week ago that she needs time to figure out her life. she is stressed about university exams and she’s going away for 2 weeks at christmas time. i am so in love with this girl. this break is killing me, we have been together for 6 years and i can’t see myself with her. I’m a depressed piece of sh*t right now. i just need advice on how to cope with it, because i want the break to be useful and actually make her want me back instead wanting to fully break up with me. I’m so lost right now.

November 26, 2013 at 11:58 am
(53) Noah says:

My girlfriend and I had been together for nearly 2 years. About 3 weeks ago she said she needed a break, but after a week she was in situation needing my help. We saw each other a couple of times after that but then she said that she need more time. She says she loves me and can’t imagine her life without me, but wanted time away to sort herself, as she has some personal things to deal with and think things through, adding that she doesn’t want to throw it away, and that we should fix this. That was two weeks ago with no contact since. Last few days though I contacted her saying we need to get together to sort things, but she said she was in a bad place, which made me worried. I then told her this and, and we should talk it over, with her agreeing to meet up next week.

I love her with all of my heart, see her problems through with her and I want to be in it for the long haul, but I also may know why she wanted a break. This time away from her made me contemplate what exactly got me here, and had realised that the last few months have been a bit stressful for me, and in turn, and hadn’t paid her the love and attention I had previously, to the point I realised I may have been cold shouldering to her when I was at my worst. I want to tell her how much I love her, and want to be with her, but I don’t want to sound desperate either.

Any advice?

December 18, 2013 at 8:18 pm
(54) Jamil says:

Hello everyone,
I came across this website because I was searching for answers, support, a “shoulder to cry on” and plain ole desperation. I first would like to say that all of your stories have truly touched me in away that offers me wisdom,healing and most of all self love and acceptance.

I would say to anyone going through a break up, or separation “space” this is the time for YOU. This is the time for you to become completely honest with yourself about everything. This is the time for you to dig deep and build a healthy loving relationship with yourself.

Get a journal and write down your thoughts and emotions. In this process you have to take the attention away from the other person and re-direct it on self. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to scream then scream. If you need to talk to a friend, then do that. If you need sexual comfort, do that too. This is a time to not deny yourself anything that you may need to allow you to move on. Please, please, please do not compare how the other persons life may look. They might be happier with out you, they may be joyful because they found someone else or they might feel the same way you feel. The most challenging thing to accept is you may never know how they truly feel about you afterwords. So do not feel ashamed of missing,loving, caring about someone who does not give that back to you. Do not feel or think less of yourself. Why? You may ask, Well you truly loved, you truly opened yourself up to the experience, you allowed yourself to become vulnerable.

Remember you cannot own another persons thoughts and emotions. They have every right to feel and think whatever they may. It is their life journey and yours too. Take this as a learning experience and send them love anyway. This may be hard for some but when you can start forgiving, and continue to love them despite their actions or thoughts, feelings. Life will align itself for you, not against you.

December 19, 2013 at 8:22 am
(55) Jonathan says:

I asked for a break once. Worst idea ever. She broke up with me right there and then. I said to her just give it a week and she never wanted to see me again. We had fights about her very flirty guy friends and her family always trying to break us up but it never happend till I asked for a break. She told me later on that she wouldnt have dumped me if I didnt ask. Now shes dating another Jonathan. She only calls him by his last name though. Can someone tell me why she said she wouldnt have dumped me if I didnt ask. Im realy looking for some closure.

December 31, 2013 at 1:54 am
(56) bunny says:

Ok im sorry but the term taking a break from your relationship is the utmost stupidest reason I have ever heard of when it comes time for a person to tell the other prrson the truth. Its purely an excuse and the person doesnt have the gumshue to just to tell the other person its over. I dont believe in taking a break-you make your bed and lie in it or pay the consqences. The term taking a break is absolutely childish, either you know how you feel about the person you are in the relationship or you dont and that is when you tell the person, im breaking thing off. Sorry but im soully convinced that taking a break is a safety net of saying ill come back to if I dont find what im looking for or if I dont find something better then whtat you have in the relationship and you are technically taking advantage of that person. Life hapoens deal with the cards you have been delt with. Its just as bad as saying its not you but its me….really??

January 2, 2014 at 11:41 pm
(57) Sativa says:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a good one month. But he all of a sudden wants a break. He says that hes afraid to fall in love and needs space to think about it. But i don’t know how long to give him. He just said hell contact me when hes good.What is that supposed to mean? Im heart broken and confused.

January 3, 2014 at 4:37 pm
(58) UniGirl says:

I could use some advice –
I was with my boyfriend for almost 2 years until just before Christmas he told me he needed a break, we decided to spend the time we had together around Christmas and take the break when I went back to Uni.

We have both been having doubts about the relationship for a while now as the distance has been really getting to us and with his busy city job he doesn’t have as much time on his hands to communicate with me as I would like.
The only time we would ever argue would be concerning this issue and he told me he can’t take another term of this particularly as he now needs to look for a new job and can’t handle the extra stress at least not right now, he also told me he loves me and is just feeling very lost at the moment, I could tell he was also very hurt by our situation.

I have my year abroad coming up this September and he doesn’t know if we can carry on as we have been which has broken my heart but to some extent I know he’s right and we both want to be happy.

I really love him but he told me I need to let him go, I just really wish there was another way and feel if he really loved me he would want us to continue working through this together?

I’m now trying to study for my exams next week and just can’t seem to take my mind of things. He also text me the day we broke up telling me he’s here for me if I need him and that he really enjoyed our special time together at Christmas.

I feel so lost right now, should I wait for him to think things through or do I try to move on regardless in hope things will get better once I return from my year out?

January 8, 2014 at 8:02 pm
(59) Meagan says:

I have been with my boyfriend for little over a year and on Sunday we decided to take a week long break. I didn’t want to, but he felt that we needed it because we have been fighting more than usual. But I am just so scared that he isn’t going to miss me or want to come back toe. We talk still like we text and stuff but is just so different it’s hard tat alking to someone you love very much and not being able to say that. I just want to know I am I over analyzing the situation maybe we just need to make our relationship stronger?

January 11, 2014 at 11:03 am
(60) Steph says:

I have read through all the comments and can totally relate to the mix of emotions and not understanding the point of a break in my situation but I know she loves me. I have been in a 2.5 year relationship with my girlfriend and our main issue comes down to her family and being in the closet. She has realized she was gay for about 8 years now and has been in relationships with others and always prioritized her life with her parents emotions and wants as number one. She has created a codependent relationship with the where she supports their household financial and lies about why she moved in with me 7 months ago and any other reason for her not being home with them. Feeling I was on the back burner I insisted that things start progressing so we can truly live our lives together and not have to have needless stress of what they might think and their need to control her until she marries a man of her same culture.

She has been getting pressure from her family as to when she would be moving back and said she is not ready to tell them she will not move back and she is not ready to tell her father she is gay.

So she moved out this week and knowing the main reason she left was to deal with her parents and the relationship they have that has been created over almost 29 years I felt it was best to have no communication. And with one simple text where she stated how much she missed me I was drawn right back in.

I have been devastated and physically and emotionally drained and as challenging as this is I know I need to stick to my original plan of no communication because it is harming me more and allows her to continue in a double life for her parents.

January 13, 2014 at 10:52 am
(61) Stacey says:

I’ve known this guy for a year, and seven months ago we made an official committment to become boyfriend/girlfriend. On our two month mark, he started doubting our relationship. Saying that he was not the guy for me, that part of him wanted to be single and that he would likely break my heart. At that time, I told him that I didn’t understand, but respected his feelings. He immediately said he didn’t want to loose me. Now, 7 months into our relationship, those fears are back. A week ago, we were out on a date, everything was perfect, and in two seconds (I’m not exagerating), it was 2 seconds, he said things weren’t working out for him. This time too, he is confused, been saying similar things as in the 2 month incident. But, this time he took it a bit further and said his feelings were probably not where they should be by this time. We are on a break (I think). Last time we talked, he said that he “thought he had made his mind the previous night”, that “we would talk later”. We haven’t touched the subject since. I’m going crazy. I don’t sleep thinking about what could have gone wrong. I feel so blind sighted. The texts occasionally or messages me on facebook. But, after last night, I decided not to initiate any texts to him. I will respond if he sends them to me, but I won’t start them. He’s the one that needs to think as he said on “what is right”. I miss his children so very much. Just like I miss him too. Anyone advice?

January 15, 2014 at 12:18 pm
(62) Annie says:

Today would be the first day of my break with my boyfriend. I asked him for a break maybe for 2 or 3 weeks and see how it goes. Lately, he’s so busy with work and when he’s not working, he would go out with his friends which also his housemates.

I understand that he needed some space so I figure that it’s the best for both of us to take a break. At first he doesnt agree with this whole thing and that he feels he needed to talk to me everyday (which eventually he will not) and so i asked not to text/call me at all. My boyfriend is always dependant on me but when he caught up with stuffs he just seems to forgot about other stuffs like his gf. And it hurts when he said he will text me but ended up didnt because he was busy. But eventually he will text me a day after and saying how sorry he was for not keeping up with each other as he was too busy. I understand him and i care about him. Thats why i think this break would work for us.

I feel better now knowing that i have some free time on my own and not worry about whether my boyfriend is ignoring me or something like that. But its just been a day and i can cope not having him in my life. I just hope that later i would feel that i miss him because i know he’s missing me right now.

January 28, 2014 at 1:56 am
(63) chris says:

So my girl asked me to give her space and time to figure out what she wants to do…but she told me she was unsure about everything. .. so we have been off for a week now but we still kinda talk and she hasnt changed her relationship status on Facebook and i even said something about but she wont do it. Then she tells me that i shouldn’t be posting anything about it. She still tells me what shes doing and syuff so it makes me think What is it she wants to do. You know.

January 28, 2014 at 3:41 pm
(64) Jake says:

I just asked my gf for a break. We’ve been together 8 months. It seems like the last couple of months we’ve lost our spark. She doesn’t do any of the sweet things that she used to and I almost feel like she is annoyed with me half of the time. I feel like I have evolved to a very thoughtful, conscientious, sweetheart of a boyfriend and she now takes it for granted. So, I broke it off. I wanted to see how it would be without her. Not stressing about her and her opinions and changed behavior and mood swings and selfishness. I gotta say the first weekend was really really nice. I think this break is going to lead to a more permanent break. I just don’t think we are right for each other. Sometimes having a few days alone allows you to parse through your independent thoughts.

February 12, 2014 at 9:43 pm
(65) NG says:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years now and recently she hasnt been acting her self and we argue once In a while but over dumb issues but.she asked for a break yesterday and I didn’t agree with it but I agreed to take one today and she wants to take a month break and I don’t think its a good idea so I offered her a week break,and she says she’s stressing over me and I’m too much its just crazy . Need some advice .

February 13, 2014 at 10:52 am
(66) Amanda says:

So.. my boyfriend and I just had our one year anniversary in jan and we seemed so happy …. so last thursday I stop by his work to see him and give him a coffee and he tells me he wants to take a break … I of course dont understand. ..and he tells me he loves me and just needs time apart to figure out his feeling …. we agree not to see other people … so a couple mornings before I move out I notice a message on his fb to another girl saying hes confident we r over and she tells him she is not flirting with him but is his friend and he says he was hoping she was flirting …. now I got upset and confronted him and he was all apologetic and started crying Nd kept saying he loved me ….. so anyway I move to my aunts and he texts me I miss you annd I love you but I just want to miss you so much ill never let you go again…. in time ……then he makes plans with me to take me out for a movie and dinner on sunday for valentines (on fri) but he works fri as do I and he does overtime on sat wich has always been normal even when I worked there with him… I just dont k ow what to think and then he says I think iam being an idiot for doing this…. Iam just so lost and alone plus on top of everything my dad has been given only a couple months to live due to cancer ….what do I do any advice

February 16, 2014 at 12:45 am
(67) Loren says:

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (he lives in England, I live in the Eastern USA, and yes we HAVE met in person more than once). We just passed our one year anniversary on January 2nd, and I thought things were going better than ever. We don’t have a perfect relationship and we fight every once in a while but it always gets resolved within the day. Last week, we spent an amazing day with each other on Thursday (2/6), and I’ve barely heard anything from him since. He told me yesterday he wanted to take a break for a week and “try life without me”. Now of course I’m devastated because I don’t know what I did wrong, he tells me it’s because he hates texting so much, but that doesn’t seem like a reason to want to go on a break.. I tried to talk sense into him by saying texting is basically one of the ONLY ways we can speak to each other (other than Skype but he seems annoyed with that too for no reason at all..). He said he wanted to have minimal communication, AKA he’ll talk to me if and when he feels like it. I feel like I can’t live my life without him and I’m very afraid when the break is over he’s just going to end it between us. I try to tell myself that it could be good for us but I can’t get myself to believe it.. I need him around me to keep me sane.

February 18, 2014 at 5:23 am
(68) ashwin says:

wel i have a best frend since 3 yrs we know each other she is marid n we were so close we share evrythng .,at once she has begun to avoid me n when i ask her if there any problem between us or a fourth person had come in his life she told me no n also i ask her if im creating problem in his life tel me i will go away but she told me …she just need a break …anybody can help me coz i dnt want to lose her

February 19, 2014 at 11:03 pm
(69) anne says:

We have been in a relation for 5yrs and we often fight regarding trust issues and now my bf wants some alone time, so I asked whether he wants to officially break up, but he said that he is not breaking up with me but need time to think about our relation for our own good. I asked what his problem was but he says he doesn’t have any problem but he doesn’t feel like doing anything these days. And he asked me to keep using my phone as he will keep in touch with me and asked me not to take things negatively but to stay at ease.. and said he love ne..but I couldn’t take it and kept my phn off on our 1st day of break and on the 2nd day I txtd him saying I miss him but he didn’t rply.. I dont know what he really mean and whether he will come back or not!! I m too confused.. plz help.. I want to let him know that I understand him and respect his decision and that I will be waiting for him but he didn’t rply my txt. So what shall I do?? Does he want to break up??

February 22, 2014 at 6:28 am
(70) Joan says:

<b>10371.27km away from him</b>

I am 23 this year,
So, I met my boyfriend through work. He was sitting 2 desk away from me. He was on a business trip to Singapore for 3 months (July 2013) and we were so close and started dating..since then we had a Long Distance Relationship….and its now Feb 2014. He is from Germany and me, from Singapore.
On February 22, he was suppose to fly to Bangkok to study at the same time being closer to me. But he cancelled the flight due to Bangkok protest, and even during Valentine’s Day in his country, he said that it is not common for them to celebrate.. I rarely hear him telling me that he loves me even in whatsapp or skype. Valentine’s Day was important to me that i even sent him a card 2-3weeks before…=’(
As for me, i didnt receive any letters, words from him or gifts. I don’t mind not getting anything from him as long as he says something that he really means on Valentine’s Day.
We are 7 hours different.. My afternoon is his morning.. and i have only half a day to only chat with him. But recently we quarrelled BADLY, because of him going to a friend’s (girl) home at 10pm watching movies with her younger siblings till 1am or 2am. How am i suppose to feel when he did this after Valentine’s Day!
This hurts me so much when i started explaining how i feel, and this was his replies that totally hurt me for a week,

1) Please do not ask me to choose between you or my friends
2) I can go out with who or how long i want
3) I need some space
4) Friends are forever, he said. I replied, (What am I then? Temporary?)
5) I cross the border and
4) I nearly wanted to broke up with you

February 22, 2014 at 6:29 am
(71) Joan says:

1) Please do not ask me to choose between you or my friends
2) I can go out with who or how long i want
3) I need some space
4) Friends are forever, he said. I replied, (What am I then? Temporary?)
5) I cross the border and
4) I nearly wanted to broke up with you

Its been going for a week, and I cried so badly that I didn’t slept or ate properly. He doesn’t show really show his feelings to me. Not much message from him after the quarrel and always saying his busy.
I am already near to giving it up. Whatever i do, he doesn’t seem to care and appreciate it. During Christmas, I went to Germany to visit his family and friends. I bought them gifts, even today is his parents birthday, i even wrote a card and sent me through mail.
His replies today was only, “Thanks”.

The pain i am going through hurts so much that i can’t even distract myself from doing other things. I do miss him, but no matter how much i try, if he weren’t even gonna try giving me the love that i need, there is nothing i can do. From all his previous relationship, it lasted a year or less. I left my previous boyfriend of 4 years to this man I chose and thought he would be the one for me and i deserve a man like him. But it seems like i am not the one for him. He can even ask his best friend (girl) for help, look for her and help her but never was he there for me when i needed him. I Hope too much and nothing has happened.
Why do i even think that i would marry you someday?

<b>I tried loving you Jan, ;’(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((</b>

February 27, 2014 at 10:55 am
(72) cwright says:

Hi, I’m 19 and my boyfriend and I have been together for a year in a half and I want to take a break but then again I don’t. The only reason why I want to take a break is because he’s always with his friends and I feel like he rather be with them than me. All I want to do is spend a little more time with him other than feeling like I’m in competition with his friends. Do you think I should take a break? So I can have time to think and just let him be with friends.

February 27, 2014 at 4:50 pm
(73) Kevin says:

Ok so. 4 years ago I was going through a truly truly horrible relationship which I could only see once I got out of it. I confided in a girl who I had a lot in common with, similar interests and things and mere months after the break-up with the first girl, I started going out with the girl I confided in. We have now been going out for 4 years. The trouble is we have always had communication issues, she has never had anything bad happen to her in her life, sounds hard to believe I know but it’s true. She therefore cannot empathise with me, she doesn’t get me. This wasn’t a problem when we basically lived together at uni but now we live about 4 hours apart we both have very demanding jobs. I feel like the same cycle is starting all over again. I’m worried that she was my rebound and because the situation didn’t change, it worked. Now that most of our contact is over the phone she isn’t stepping up to the mark which I need her to. Have I wasted 4 years with this girl?? So I’m confiding in a friend who I can’t work out if she has anterior motives, i.e. if she is trying to break us up or not. How would I find this out without ruining our friendship? So anyway, my girlfriend suggested a break the other day because she doesn’t like how frustrated I get at her for him not understanding me. I agreed that maybe I needed to work out who I was without her. It hurts but i need to learn to stand on my own two feet. The trouble is, the more time that passes and the longer I spend thinking about it, the more I’m convincing myself that she’s not right for me. Any opinions will be welcome.

March 2, 2014 at 10:43 am
(74) Brian says:

My girlfriend said she needed to take a break, but it would be just a little break, and that she loves me and cares about me, and that I am the best guy she has ever been with. She said she needs to reevaluate things, change and grow. She said that at times I smother her (even though we text maybe 20 minutes a week and see each other for an hour a week now because of her work). That was three weeks ago.

I don’t care if she is seeing someone else, she legitimately still wants to come back, or what the situation is. I think that if you try to solve a problem by ending a relationship, the relationship is not going to work. The person who asks for the break is saying “it is too inconvenient to be with you right now, and I don’t care enough to try to get through any issues we have.” Breaks that are not mutual are100% bullshit. Just walk away. Find someone else. He or she doesn’t care about you the same way you care about them. Do right by yourself and find someone who does.

March 30, 2014 at 8:58 pm
(75) lucas says:

To the person before me your right they don’t care
about you the same way. They’re not u and can’t it’s always going to be different. Some one always loves the other more and has more invested and thats usually the one who gets hurt

I’m taking a break from my girlfriend of almost
3 years I love her so much but for the last month I
have been thinking of splitting up. are lives are
Not heading where I want to be .she has a 4 year old daughter that I love also but I don’t think I want to give up my freedom for some one else’s kid .it would be different it she was my child and it would
be different if her mom wasn’t a bartender. I just don’t see my self getting married and having to watch her daughter friday night till three in the morning . I have talked to her about this and she tells me do u think I want to bartend the rest of my life and that she has plans of doing something different. Butt we r almost at 3 years nothing has changed . It f–ed up I love her and I don’t want to heart her in any way but what can I do keep going on and hope she changes her career of almost 10 years for me or cut her free. I hate this I love her I feel like I’m being selfish but you only have one life to live . And some one always gets heart im normally the one that does and im not use to being the one giveing the pain. wish I had all the answers

March 31, 2014 at 12:30 am
(76) Jess says:

I just initiated a break with my bf of 4 years. We had lots of fights in these four years, mainly cos i have borderline personality disorder and am hypersensitive to criticism and neglect. He loves to criticize me jokingly and has a habit of sulking when stressed, and these always trigger me off. Well i only realized this during our break.

I have asked for breaks many times and each time i begged him for forgiveness after just one day apart. He thinks that i can’t leave him alone and i am desperate for him.

This time, he lied to me about smoking again and wasn’t even apologetic. I asked for a two weeks break. The second week i will be overseas on a biz trip.

I feel scared that i may lose him if he feels that he is much happier without me. But that is a risk i have to take. I want to regain my dignity, and not be clingy anymore.

April 2, 2014 at 5:12 pm
(77) Courtney says:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years now, and just this past sunday we had a big argument at our apartment. We just moved in together in September as attending university. I am 19, and he is 21. He wouldn’t speak to me and kept himself locked in the bathroom, called his dad, his dad was on his way over so i left. I got a text that night saying ” I love you, and i don’t want to breakup but i will be staying at my aunts a few nights and take care sweetie ” And today is Wednesday, and I haven’t heard from him at all since then. And it turns out he lied, and is really staying at a motel in the area. I haven’t went and tried to visit him or anything though.. His mom said he needed space and time to study and focus on school for a few days. And should contact me soon.. His dad helped him move to the motel. I went back to our apartment the next day, and everything he owns was gone. EVERYTHING. It really hurts. I feel like he is moved out for good. I don’t know what I should do. I really don’t.

April 9, 2014 at 1:27 pm
(78) Connor says:

My Girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. and I’ve been giving my girlfriend space and everything when she wants to go out with friends. I respect her decisions and i know she won’t cheat on me. We went to prom this last weekend and i kept asking her if she was having a good time and she kept saying yes and we she touched me and kissed me like nothing was wrong. and I was going to make it official that we were going to be in a committed relationship when i was going to hangout with her family and and her for the day after prom. but she didn’t tell me that she was going directly home after i dropped her off with her parents and than later that day she said she wanted a “break” I know she was having stress from having 7 more people staying in their house and her losing her room and stuff. I’ve helped her through this, and i haven’t heard a complaint about her family for about 2 months. but when she asked that. I was really confused! she says I’m too good for me and she’s just dumping herself down. and I was telling her that none of that stuff is true. I feel like if she wanted to break up she would’ve just been straight up and tell me.. but I’ve been losing sleep ever since this has happened (3 days ago) I couldn’t eat for the first 2 days. i am just an absolute wreck.. and i’ve been blocking communication ever since cause i know that’s what you’re supposed to do.. but i need help to know when to send her a message and hangout as friends and see how things are going. and see if she wants me back and stuff…. Please help me!!! i cant see myself with anyone but her and i’m just going crazy about her

April 10, 2014 at 11:13 pm
(79) J says:

I’ve read through most of these comments and what I have gathered is that unless the break is MUTUAL, then the person who wants the break is unsure of whether they want to be in the relationship or not. The person who does not initiate the break is the one ending up with the broken heart.

If you initiated the break, I know that it’s hard to let someone down but it’s better to be honest with them rather than drag it out and let that person suffer even more. You either want to be in a committed relationship or you don’t. Work through your problems together, not apart. If you need more space, tell them you need more space. If you are not ready for long term commitment, communicate that. Our wiser elders have told us since day one that the most important thing in a relationship is communication. For some reason most of us forget this most important tool, and fail to use it. Thus failed relationships, thus taking a “break”.
Sometimes the break is needed because you never really worked on a relationship with yourself. That is the first thing you need to do before you can even have a successful relationship with someone else. If this is the issue, break off the relationship and let the other person have peace of mind by letting them know what is going on with yourself.

April 10, 2014 at 11:13 pm
(80) J says:

If you are the one on the confused, broken-hearted end of the relationship, hang in there. Try and enjoy the relationship with yourself for a while – love yourself first and foremost. Time will help you decide if this relationship is worth waiting for, or if you deserve better. What does your gut tell you? Like I mentioned above, if your significant other tells you that they want a break, it is probably because they are unsure about whether or not they want to continue the relationship. If you are willing to give this person time to decide if they want to be with you, then give them their time – but don’t let it go on for so long that you are not moving on with your own life (because they are probably moving on with theirs). If you decide that you would rather not wait around for someone to decide if you are worth being committed to, then break it off, chin up, and do your best to move forward in life.

April 15, 2014 at 1:58 am
(81) Kelly says:

My bf has just asked for a break as well. We have been dating for about 6 months. At first I initiated the break, but then when he agreed and asked me for a break for several weeks I got really really upset. Our main problem is that we never see each other in the first place (weekends mainly), so what is a break really going to do. He says that he needs to figure things out (such as his work and thinking about going back to school). He has recently moved to this town from across the country and I don’t think he likes the area that much. Our main problem is communication, honestly, we never even realized when we began dating.
He was very civil with me and came over to my house to talk with me (which I appreciated). But then why did he have sex with me the night before? Why did he ask me to meet his mom not even two weeks ago?? I have to admit the night prior the break I did break down because I have other issues going on (such as moving and finding a new place to live) and I am not sure if that scared him. Now he his texting me and sending mixed signals? I am soo confused and scared. I don’t want to loose him, but I am respecting his space as much as possible. HELP?

April 16, 2014 at 11:22 am
(82) melmel87 says:

Just yesterday my boyfriend and I took a break we both have been dealing with so many problems of our own that it was stressing the relationship, I love him and he tells me he loves me too but he says he feels suffocated.It was mentioned that we wouldn’t see other people even though when i first mentioned it he didn’t know but i guess he promised he wouldn’t. He feels we need to work on our personal issues before we can come back to us. He mentioned not knowing what he wanted right now and that he doesn’t know where we stand, i agreed to give him his space but its difficult because we are expecting. 15 weeks exactly. He wants to still be part of the doctor appointment and still be there for the baby but i know it will be awkward. I don’t know how long we will take this break for but it really sucks, bad timing: (

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