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Bonny Albo

Do You Believe You'll Find Your Soulmate?

By August 29, 2013

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In the July 2009 edition of Cosmo magazine, 70% of their readers admitted it was important to marry their soulmate, but more that 50% of the respondents thought it would be impossible to find that person. I'm not sure how many of you feel this way, but I'm of the opinion that that's an awful lot of pressure to put on someone you're dating.

Is there really only one person out there for all of us, or are we able to connect deeply and intensely with more than one human being? Fans of polyamory think it's entirely possible - even while in a relationship and/or in love with someone else - and the experts interviewed in the Cosmo (Buy Direct) article I read also felt the concept of one soulmate didn't exist in reality. If anything, those interviewed for the article felt that people who believe in The One and one and only, were doing themselves a disservice by either staying in a relationship that wasn't a good one for them (because they'd convinced themselves there were no other options), or were so picky that they'd overlook their soulmate because they didn't immediately fit.

How about you? Do you believe you'll find your soulmate? Have you found your soulmate already? Do you think soulmates exist? Why or why not?

Related: Are You Soulmates? Quiz, What is the Law of Attraction?, I'm Tired of Being Single. What Can I Do?.

August 7, 2009 at 3:04 pm
(1) Trevor H. says:

Come on, here’s the truth:

You will never find your soul mate. Furthermore, there’s no such thing. There’s only compatibility. Sure, I guess that if one were to call the person that they’re most compatible with their “soul mate”, it would make sense, but try sifting through more than 3 billion people of the opposite sex in the world. Too broad? America’s 50/50 gender of 125 Million (out of a total of 250 Million) is hardly different. There’s still lots and lots of people.

The chances of you actually FINDING this person in your lifetime is slim to none. Nevermind the fact that if you want to have children with this person, you’ll need to find them before you’re in your late thirties.

If things were perfect, EVERYONE in the world would have a profile on a dating site of sorts (or “registry”, if “dating site” doesn’t sit well), that way, their “soul mate” can be found without wasting years searching.

My suggestion: Look for him/her, they’re out there. And when you find someone you can see yourself with YEARS down the road, stop looking.

August 7, 2009 at 11:29 pm
(2) Hot Tea says:

I think finding a “mate” is the key.

There’s not one soul that you are matched with, that doesn’t even make sense. Too many people, too many scenarios – more important to just learn to make the most of someone who is a good mate.

August 9, 2009 at 9:45 pm
(3) schrodingers cat says:

Whatever it might have meant, the soul mate thing is now ruined by marketing from Eharmony and similar businesses selling love connections. So the term is polluted. But what about the concept? Does each of us (or do most of us) have one person that will stand head and shoulders above all others – if we can just find them? I think the answer is in two parts – 1) its a romantic concept that many people need, 2) probably more than one person can fill the role – you just stop when you find the first one.
The complicated part is when we choose to stop. That is influenced by so many factors in life – timing, your life’s changes, your needs and baggage…
Doesn’t mean that a person can’t fill the role of soul mate to another. But its not as simple as those who push the concept would have you believe.

August 10, 2009 at 2:39 am
(4) Joseph Jones AKA Hitch says:

very good trevor, you speak some truth

August 10, 2009 at 8:58 am
(5) Ron says:

“Soul mate” refers basically to souls that have a past connection (referring to reincarnation). A past life lived and those that were included in those lives. Upon meeting someone a direct attraction or even a negative like repulsion. Both are examples of possible soul mates and in theory we have many. The romantic notion of a one and only soul “mate” is a idealistic thought of more modern times. (the last 200 years of humankind). The soul connection would have us linked to our immediate family, Mom, Dad, brother sister, etc. Our friends play into that scenario as well. Who have you surrounded yourself with in this life? Is there a potential “mate” there? A life mate in a past life may not be one in this life if the lessons learned for that soul were achieved. Improbable? Yes… Impossible? No…. If it is, then it is definitely a holy spiritual thing.

So do we really honor “all” our current relationships as we should? All of our relationships and our way we look at them make us who we are. Looking for that one special someone to make us whole is a misconception. We are the products of our lives and how we chose to live it. Look within, it’s as simple as right and wrong…

August 13, 2009 at 10:11 pm
(6) Kathy says:

“Soul mate” to me is a term used by those who have little maturity in relationships, regardless of age, and certainly by those who are captured by all that marketing!

If you’re fortunate to find someone that you connect with on a very deep level and can remain married/partnered with that person for a lifetime, I think you’re very fortunate indeed. If you’ve ever found such a person, you’re luckier than most. And if like me, you’ve found that very individual twice, hopefully you’ve lived long enough to have learned that while the deep connection may have never abated, it isn’t enough to sustain a relationship without true compatibility.

Love, affection, compatibility, fun, commitment are worth so much more in the long run. I say leave “soul mate” status for those who have yet to reach their majority.

August 14, 2009 at 10:25 pm
(7) neverlost says:

Well…here it is. I have made extensive research on that particular issue, and have come to some very very valuable inside and conclusions.

All those who believe a “soul mate” does not exists ..are wrong!

Those who believe that first you have to be married, then divorced to find your soul mate…are wrong!

Those who believe that one has to follow a religion or a church to find their soul mate…are wrong too!

Those who think that first you have to grow up to be able to find your soul mate…are wrong as well

I could list many more ways, people think a soul mate can or cannot be found. The fact is, soul mates for a particular person DOES exist. It is true that there are not many of them and the chances that one person actually find their soul mate is pretty impossible.

However I found a way to overcome this burden. I am working on it but would appreciate some help. I would like to generate a web page (free) for individuals that are looking for a soul mate.

I need a programmer, that is interested in this project. Contact me at alcurious@yahoo.com

August 15, 2009 at 1:37 pm
(8) PhillipDale says:

People in this world seem more worried about a mate and not being lonely. It’s not just about having a relationship that lasts long. It has to be a fire that smolders. People look for their Soulmate (notice I’m not using quotes) because they want to believe in something magical that shows that they were meant for each other. I don’t blame them, I’m looking for my soulmate too. But, what people don’t understand, is that a soulmate is not a predetermined person. Each and every one of us determines who that soulmate is. Yes some relationships are hard and some are easy. But, it’s up to use to decide whether or not that person is the one. I don’t like using terms like “compatibility” or “mate”, these terms make the search purely for mating purposes and chemical/environmental attraction. We want purpose to find that one.

So yes, I believe there is a soulmate out there for each of us, but that person is not determined until we find them.

~Phillip Dale
From Chicago to Coronado – The first Twitter Soap Opera.

October 27, 2009 at 1:29 pm
(9) jonathan says:

the concept of a soulmate does not mean there is one person out there for you – there a many soulmates for any one person – that is, many people with whom they could share a very deep and loving connection.

Furthemore, with the right mind set, you can put yourself on the path to finding a soulmate…and it does not have to be something that is completly left to the whims of fate.

November 26, 2009 at 4:28 am
(10) david swan says:

Getting to crux of ‘not wanting to be lonely’ and identfying what you want in a soulmate is very different than looking for a clone of yourself in the form of the the opposite sex.
If you know what you want, and lets face it, most people couldnt describe in detail exactly what they want in the perfect partner. if they did, then it is not that difficult to find ‘the one’.

August 23, 2012 at 11:34 am
(11) My Dating Hangovers says:

Believing in the idea of finding your soul mate is the equivalent of believing that once Cupid’s arrow has landed on your backside, feelings of love will follow. I don’t think there is a such thing as having that one person who is the perfect fit for someone in every way, and if there is someone this doesn’t mean there is just one.

I can count on my fingers and toes how many times I have met “that one” who seemed to get me in every way, compliment all of my attributes, and bring balance to my life. Soon after, those feelings begin to wear off like your best perfume after an 8-hour day and at the end, “that one” seems like all of the rest.

Now there are certainly differences and those situations where you are really in tune with your significant other and he/she is in tune with you, but this doesn’t mean that some cosmic events must be in place for those types of connections and feelings to occur again with someone else.

The bottom line is this – we may meet someone who is a perfect mate at the right time in our lives. No matter how wonderful or seemingly well matched we may seem, people change and grow so the possibility of you starting out with your soul mate and things not working out doesn’t mean there isn’t another who may be the same or even better.

August 23, 2012 at 4:32 pm
(12) codyj says:

My neib has tried all those dating sites,and got ZERO,except scammers,and dudes from poorer countries..looking for a free ride. He told me,after 40, things really dried up. his ‘curse’ is that he doesnt do drugs,not interested in the ‘scene’,coll edu,well travelled,well mannered,yet nobody gives him a hail,a kinder ,more helpfull dude couldnt be found…guess its true,” nobody wants yah when yr old n gay” ..My bf and I are some lucky to have each other,we feel so sad for him,again, he says all those on line sites are shams

August 23, 2012 at 7:50 pm
(13) Gomez Munoz says:

I agree, there is no such thing as a “soul mate” or a single perfect match for you.

The main thing is that you have to be open to meeting people and you have to not be so particular and have such high expectations and high standards that you are always disappointed.

I had problems meeting women my age because I am in my 60′s but love things that women who are 40 years younger enjoy. I love Industrial Music, Techno, Goth Music, Heavy Metal, Death Metal, and love to go to Goth clubs and Heavy Metal clubs, Renfaires, etc. Most women my age are into 60′s and 70′s music or Country and Western music, and wouldn’t be caught dead in the places I love to go, and they won’t listen to the music I like, and they definitely refuse to join in the things I love to do. (Not to many older Goth Chicks around, and the ones that are, seem to mostly be back east or in Europe.

So I had to bite the bullet and change my expectations. I met my present wife online on a dating website and we carried on a long distance relationship and finally got married (which I had vowed to never again get married, but hey what can ya do). She at least has gone to some Goth Clubs with me, and I have gotten her, kicking and screaming, to actually like a few of the bands I do, and I put up with her music. So things are working out, not like I wish they were but, at least she is much better than some women I have been with who totally refused to join me in my likes, and tried to make me over into someone THEY wanted.

So, a person can find someone out there if they wish to. They just have to change their expectations and perhaps lower their standards a bit and go with it.

August 23, 2012 at 7:59 pm
(14) Gomez Munoz says:

I had to break this up since it was to long.

In continuing with the thread of my last post, I had a female friend who went through guys like crazy. She was pretty, had a nice personality and was fun to be around, but the problem with her was, she was so particular about who she wanted that no man could even come close to meeting her expectations. She told me several times that she was scared to death that she would end up an old lady, all alone and end up dying alone and no one would find her for days. I regularly told her that she should not have such high expectations and if she found someone that was close, to go with it. She refused. She had a list of qualities a guy had to have and she was sticking with it. The only guys who fit her list were the fantasy Princes in fairy tales.

Unfortunately, her worst fear happened. She ended up dying all alone and no one found her for a week. She had a brain aneurysm and died, sitting on the couch in her apartment all alone.

So I tell people, you may have to lower your expectations and take what comes close, because there is no such thing as a Soul Mate, or perfect match.

August 28, 2012 at 3:44 am
(15) Tony says:

WE LOVE IN ANOTHER WHAT WE LOVE IN OURSELVES. (And the converse of that is also true, of course.)

So IF you find someone who reflects what you love in yourself; IF you find someone who completes your thoughts all the time, who finishes your sentences, as you speak, and for whom you do the same;

IF you can sit somewhere together in total companionable silence and yet be comfortable with each other; IF you can almost “read each other’s minds” – whether near or apart – then, my friend, you have found your soul mate. How do I know? … Well, it once happened to me!

September 18, 2012 at 3:57 am
(16) Lovecentrel says:

The subject of a soulmate is a sensitive one and in matterd like yhis you try to find the origin of the subject matter.

In the beginning God made the man and caused him to fall into a deep sleep,performed the first survery ever. God took a rib out of the man and formed the woman and when the man woke up and saw the woman, he said, ‘this is the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh’.

Every woman was made out of some man. No man or woman can feel complete untill they find the bone of their bones and the flesh of their flesh, which is their soulmate.

I don’t want you all to see this as religion or a fallacy, we all must believe in something, it is not impossible to find a soulmate if we go about it the right way, for there is always a way to do everything.

When you ask of the one that made the institution of marriage, he certainly would connect you to your soulmate. It is not his desire for any marriage to breakdown.

When the servant of Abraham was to look for a wife for Isaac, he sought the help of God and the Angel o God led him to Rebecca and you will find that when Leban refused Isaac marring Rebecca, he worked extra years until he married Rebecca, his soulmate.

Let us go back seek God when it comes to marriage or relationship and He would direct us to our soulmate.

Your soulmate is out there, if you missed it before, you can still make it right, just call on Him and he would help you. Its not for you to wonder how it can be possible, just trust Him enough and He would do it for you.

Be fruitful and multiply. You are blessed.

October 25, 2012 at 1:27 am
(17) Billie says:

There is a perfect person out there for everyone. You need to believe that true love exists even though you haven’t found it yet. Maybe you already know the person. That person might be right in front of you, but you don’t know it because you don’t believe in the idea of a true soul mate.

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