Tina asks: "A guy I've been dating has just told me he loves me (3 days ago). Today I get a call asking if I know about computers. I called back and said no, not really. He tells me his computer is not working, someone in has "hacked" it and I was the only person in the house! I told him I would never do that. He won't believe me."
Thanks for your dating question Tina. It's simple but a good one, because it covers how much you can trust someone early on in a relationship - a concern that comes up often with readers just like you.
First, some basic information. A person can be anywhere and hack into a computer. It's much more common for hackers to target folks through the internet, and that's not even touching upon the rampant viruses, trojans and other nasties one can attract just by surfing the web or clicking on a link. Accusing you of hacking seems odd, and tells me that your partner needs to educate himself a bit about how these sorts of things work. About.com's Guide to the Net for Beginners has a huge category devoted to such information and discussions: Viruses, Spyware, Hacking, Scams and Identity Theft and an excellent article on the topic called, "Help! I Think I've Been Hacked!"
Now, you can't change your partner's behavior or how he reacts to his computer falling prey to a hacker. If he fails to believe you, there's little you can do to convince him.
Therefore, it's time for you to review your relationship. Unfortunately, love and trust are two very different, and separate things - and his actions are saying either he's lacking trust in you, is paranoid, or both. A loving partner might get upset considering the circumstances, and they may even get mad and accuse you - however love means listening to your partner and hearing what they're saying. Most reasonable folks, after calming down a bit, would realize their accusation unwarranted and apologize. From the sounds of it your partner is in a very different mindset.
You need to ask yourself some difficult questions now, ones that involve how you feel and what you want. Do you want to be with someone who automatically assumes you want to do harm to him? Can you continue a relationship with a person that fails to trust or believe you? If trust is an issue now - three days after professing his love for you - does that create any red flags for you? Can he ever trust you? Is this trust issue really about you, or are the walls finally coming down and his true self shining through?
These questions are for you to answer, because I don't have enough information, however you must investigate within yourself further to determine the next steps. Convincing your partner that you're trustworthy is outside of the issue. Focusing on yourself and your needs, and whether or not your guy is the guy to provide them, is right at the heart of it.
What say you dear readers? What would you do in this situation? Do you have a suggestion for Tina?