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Bonny Albo

Why Would She Choose a Casual Relationship Over a Serious One?

By October 29, 2013

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Scott wants to know what he can do about a woman he's recently reunited with after a 30-year absence. She can't decide between dating Scott - knowing he wants something long-term and potentially lifelong - and the casual, going-nowhere relationship she's been in and out of for years.

For the details (as well as my in-depth answer) take a peek at Why Can't She Decide Between a Casual Fling or Something More? In the meantime, what would you recommend to Scott, a gentleman who can't fathom why a woman wouldn't choose a long-term and stable relationship over an ongoing fling? Have you been in a similar position? What did you do?

Related: What is Casual Dating?, Can Casual Sex Become a Relationship?, Gift Ideas for New or Casual Relationships.

October 29, 2008 at 4:42 pm
(1) dating double says:

Scott should play hard to get. I think he has made himself to available and should follow your advice Bonnie and cut off contact from his end. Meaning if she calls he should answer but not give her too much, be evasive with making plans, insinuate business, and basically have her chasing him. This women wants a challenge and Scott should give it to her. Keep in mind tho that what Bonnie is saying makes sense, if you are looking for a comfortable relationship this isn’t it..

November 2, 2012 at 9:33 am
(2) Greg Jones says:

There are a ton of middle aged daters that have decided that the long term relationship might not be the best option for them. These are not raging man or woman “sluts” they are typically only dating one person at a time, but they simply have no plan of getting a mortgage together or commiting to a growing old together type of arrangement. I own a casual dating site. (www.findmeahotgirl.com), and not to plug, but simply give some authority to the statement that after being connected to the “casual” industry for a time, that it is becoming a bit normal. Women and Men alike have simply been burned by planning your life around someone else for them to simply decide that they no longer want to be there, leaving moms to take care of two kids and a home, or dads left hanging because his wife of 12 years “needs to go find herself”. Don’t be afraid of a casual relationship, if it can turn to something lasting it will. Don’t try to establish that in the beginning as a requirement. Enjoy each other’s company, if you wind up on the porch in the end side by side in a rocking chair. Great! If you find you outgrow each other in a year, part as lifetime friends, and gain memories that you will cherish forever.

October 30, 2013 at 8:24 pm
(3) Lexi Loser says:

I completely disagree with dating double and agree quite a bit with Greg Jones. Dating Double’s advice is just a bunch of game playing. Yes, games like that can work, but when you have to play games to get someone to date you it probably won’t work out in the end. What you want is something that actually -wants- to go out with you.

It sounds to me like this woman and the person who wrote the letter want different things out of life. As Greg says, not everyone is looking for a long-term partner. Maybe she felt things were getting too serious with Scott and longed for the casual-yet-fulfilling relationship she had with the other man. If Scott is unwilling to try something casual, so that she can date both of them, then he should move on.

Alternately, the woman may still be completely hung up on this other man and in “I’ll take what I can get from him” mode. If that’s the case, she’ll need to work these feelings out on her own and it’s not Scott’s place to be a part of that process. Again, he should just move on.

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