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Bonny Albo

My Boyfriend Doesn't Care Dating Question

By November 30, 2013

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X asks: "I've been with my boyfriend for a while now. Recently he told me that he doesn't care whether he is with me or not and that he doesn't care about me. I love him to bits but I just wish he would make up his mind and tell me straight if he wants to be with me or not. What shall I do or say to him?"

Bonny's reply: X, I think your answer is in the question. If your boyfriend doesn't care about you, why on earth would he be your boyfriend? Why is there even a discussion about what to do or say?

I understand that you love the gent, but please don't use that as an excuse to stick together, or get upset that I don't understand how you feel. I get many, many of emails every week from women like yourself who wail, "But I LOVE him!" as their reply to my suggestion they look at other options in their love lives. Now you haven't said as much in your email, but the fact that you're asking what to do leads me to believe you might.

So. Instead of saying, "I love my boyfriend. What can I do or say to make up his mind about me?" Try instead, "I love myself. What can I do or say to honor that?" I believe that once you sit down and ask yourself that question, the answer to what to do about your boyfriend not caring is obvious.

Readers, what do you think? Feel free to share your thoughts, opinions or similar experiences by commenting.

Related: Will My Boyfriend Ever Commit?, Why Doesn't He Want To Be My Boyfriend?, Is He Into You? Quiz, How Low Self Esteem Affects Dating Relationships.

Comments
November 28, 2010 at 4:00 pm
(1) TG says:

I totally agree with you. Asking yourself why you would put up with someone who doesn’t cherish you is a good, and hard, question to ask yourself. People take things for granted and it’s not until you’ve decided he doesn’t deserve your love will he, maybe, figure out that he can’t live with out you! It’s the old question Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free… Stick up for yourself!!

November 30, 2010 at 8:06 am
(2) Egyptian Flower says:

I think you are totally right, why to keep around in a relationship where the man does not care, I have a boyfriend who work out of town for 25 days and come for one week vacation, I keep in touch with hom many times a day during his working time for the sake of only not make him feel lonely there, and I expect the normal thing is he cares for me when he comes on vacation but on the contrary he is not even keen to see me during the vacation.
I complained, he set excuses, i tried to break up with him and he refused, and now I lost any motivation even to see him, I feel like acting, I don’t care to talk to him or go out with him. I want the peace of mind I had before i knew him, because of him I have health troubles and my productivity at work went very low and I don’t feel like sociable or want to see my friends like before.
I am really fed up and done with him, and he notices quickly the change in my attitude towards him, now i put excuses not to see him or talk to him, I am really fed up

November 30, 2010 at 9:36 am
(3) Christina Vuleta says:

If he doesn’t want to commit and you do, he is not the guy for you. Many of the 40-something women I talk to in my research on “what I wish I knew when I was 20″ regret wasting too much time in relationships in their 20s. Thinking guys will change and then after waiting and waiting, realizing they won’t. When I guy knows he knows. And likely the more you stay with him in this type of relationship the less he will respect you. Move on and get back into you! As one 40-something said, “he should be digging your dish”.

November 30, 2010 at 12:38 pm
(4) Beautifulmingles says:

I think that Bonny, you are totally right. if your match does not commit anything, he/ she is not the right match for you.
People ( specially online dating ) thinks for granted love but it is not so, until you have decided for . Most relationships of this type do not last long because love is not one way.

December 2, 2010 at 1:13 am
(5) adut dating says:

hi..nice information here….!

December 3, 2010 at 2:02 am
(6) dorcas mandabe says:

he does not deserve you,move on they are better men out there.

December 3, 2010 at 8:52 am
(7) kelechiarums says:

please dear,since you know that he don’t love u why not qiut him and be on ur own,be ur slef and be proud of urself,u’re a WOMAN another man that love and cherish u will come to u,so live him alone and be.

December 5, 2010 at 1:44 am
(8) John says:

As a guy, I can definately say that its not always easy to break up with a girl. Instead of telling her outright, sometimes we prefer dropping signals to show them that we are no longer interested. While a lot of people say you should be point blank with the girl and tell her you are not interested anymore, I think it is actually more hurtful because the girl will lose her self esteem. Anyway, the point is that the young lady should definately end the relationship if the guy shows apathy towards their relationship!

December 6, 2010 at 5:08 am
(9) victor says:

its obvous that the guy doesnt love you instead of forcing yourself into his life by making him love at all cost which may watch hunt you later on i beg of you quite from that relationship now that the green ligth is obvous from him

November 8, 2012 at 12:27 pm
(10) sally says:

A friend once told me this when I was struggling in a relationship with someone that clearly was apathetic and wanted out of it. She said, “Why would you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you?” I will always remember this.

December 2, 2012 at 10:01 pm
(11) Dale Winston says:

Miss I want what I cant have lol. This situation is a very common issue with alot of women. But on the other note, that very thing that keeps them in doubt and in question about their “boyfriend” is whats making them stay :( . To alot of women (alot of them under 25) this type of unpredictable attitude from a man presents a “challenge” and women like a challenge in a man and thats cool but there are healthy challenges for women, and there are unhealthy ones, and this is a very unhealthy challenge. In her pursuit to be the one who can say she made him realize how much he needed her and he finally devoted all his love, shes gonna find out her gas tank just isnt big enough, because men dont like to be pursued and will always run when they can look back and see someones behind them flashing those needed bright lights…

December 19, 2013 at 5:27 pm
(12) B4RL2 says:

To X , and thanks Bonnie.Yup, honor yourself-learn how to be healthy selfish. There are women and men who will love you back! Who needs a “crazymaker” and a taker.

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