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Bonny Albo

What Falls By The Wayside When You Start a New Relationship?

By March 27, 2014

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There are a number of friends in my personal circle whom I know, without them having to say a word, when they've started a new relationship. Why? Because suddenly I stop hearing from them, or they cancel plans more often than not.

What about you? Do your friendships change when you start a new relationship? And what do you do if a friend of yours suddenly goes AWOL because they've too wrapped up in New Relationship Energy?

March 4, 2009 at 9:59 pm
(1) douglaspaul says:

Well I’m odd cause I am both a loner and very social so nothing really changes for me when I start seeing someone except that I get less time to spend alone (although that’s not a problem).

Now what does change is how I deal with all the lady friends in my life. Over 90% of my friends are female and once I start a relationship, there are those who want to protect, those who are disappointed it isn’t them and those who are curious. Handling all that can be a bit of a challenge.

In the end tho I don’t disappear. I just happen to bring another with me lol.

March 5, 2009 at 4:17 pm
(2) CasualEncountersBlog says:

Well, you know. You start a new relationship and you start meeting your partner’s pals, family, etc. Your friendships can change (or at least be added to) because of that.

If a friend goes AWOL because they’re boning someone new, I sort of feel like good luck to them and I hope it all works out? How else would you feel?

I’m secure enough in my friendships to not need constant contact with my friends to derive value and comfort from them. Maybe it’s a guy thing?

March 5, 2009 at 6:09 pm
(3) chris says:

Well my boyfriends former best friend had such a “HUGE” problem with him spending most of his time with me that he and his wife tried to break us up by setting up my boyfriend with the wife’s best friend – a married woman who slept around quite a bit.

They met me only once and started in on their manipulations the very next day.

My boyfriend was flattered by the attention and approval of his friend that he ended up cheating on me with her but realized later what a mistake he was making and broke it off.

His friend, however, wouldn’t stop talking trash about me, wouldn’t acknowledge my existence let alone apologize for his and his wife’s manipulations.

That’s what “toxic” friends do when you are no longer meeting their needs.

Needless to say, my boyfriend sees very little of them anymore because he realizes how self centered his friend really is.

I think, as a friend, that you should give your friend some room to get to know this new “intimate” and when they are ready you just start including both of them in your fun together, assuming you like their new “intimate”.

Don’t however, resort to what these people did. Never, ever, ever try to break up your friends thing. If you don’t like who they are dating you can tell them your opinion but that is where it should stop. And, please, at least give your friends new pal some time before you decide that you don’t like them. We are all nervous when meeting “a significant others” good/best friend and this can be a real disadvantage to revealing the real you.

Good friends will always find eachother again cuz it’s all about feeling good for your friend who is feeling good about their new relationship.

March 7, 2009 at 10:31 pm
(4) Stephanie says:

I am actually quite the opposite. Instead of disappearng on my friends, I probably tend to talk to them a little more. I have been single for a long time and my friends are all in long time monogomous relationships or married.

Because I have been single for so long and don’t really date that often due to work, my daughter, family, and yes friends, I usually don’t have that much out of the ordinary to talk to them about. So when I start dating someone, I finally have something different to say!

Also, when you consider that they themselves have been in the same relationships for so long they don’t even remember what dating was like, they say they get to live vicariously through me.

March 8, 2009 at 5:59 am
(5) Dating Clues For Women says:

Classic! This happens all too often when some of us start dating new people. I mean, it’s kind of understandable, espcially if you’ve been in a drought for a while.

You get giddy, over excited by the buzz of actually dating and then you forget about your best girlfriends who dragged you through the barren months!

Bit tongue in cheek my comment, but finding a balance is always key!

March 10, 2009 at 10:09 am
(6) tired and busy says:

That really happens mostly in your teens and 20′s. After that relationships and kids are priorities. If you are ever going to stop being “girls” and want to be women, that’s just the way it is! Sure you can always meet up for dinner or brunch and catch up, but real women are BUSY! with dating, careers and family, or just getting time alone by themselves.

March 12, 2009 at 10:20 am
(7) How to Get a Date - Jack Reed says:

hi friend..
the thing which you say is perfectly true…
but as previously we tend to get involve with new friends more and the older one think that they are being avoided or ignored… we need more expertness to tackle this situation…
older friends should made involved in newer friendship too…

March 18, 2009 at 4:10 pm
(8) April says:

I seem to always find myself in this category – the one who my friends go AWOL on (lol)! I don’t mind it so much b/c I like to be by myself a lot! I love my time! The only problem I had with one of my friends that did this was that when she got her boyfriend she acted like I went AWOL on her b/c we didn’t hangout as much. The truth is that she was the one that would invite me to hangout and go to different venues, so when she got her boyfriend, it stopped b/c she was hanging out with him. Which I thought was great b/c I was happy that she had found happiness. So, yeah, often times friends will go AWOL when new relationships surface, but true friends will understand and just be there when they need you.

April 30, 2009 at 2:35 pm
(9) ENOCH says:

hello friend,i never fall in love before,so i dont know how it gose when one find a new lover,if he/she will forget his/her friends just bcos of the new friend that they found,as for me,if i by a any means fall in love i will never forget my former ones, and pls link me up with a GOD fearing person who have passion of making a change in the whole world, bcos that is my ambition.

March 14, 2012 at 3:17 pm
(10) Dobie says:

Some friends are “Singles Only” friends – not doing things with couples in their circle.

Same problem when a relationship ends. Some friends were “Couples Only” friends. You are no longer a part of a couple – then the invites and inclusions go away from some of them.

Friends meet a social need that we all have. Some of that social need is absorbed by the new relationship (justifiably). And the relationship deserves a priority higher than the others. Important to not let the priority for the others go to zero.

April 3, 2013 at 9:28 pm
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