1. People & Relationships
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Discuss in my forum

Bonny Albo

What Do You Consider a First Date?

By April 23, 2014

Follow me on:

"Are we on a first date?" whispered my client quietly into the phone, as I imagined her crouching in a busy bar's bathroom stall, calling me.

"What do you mean, are you on a date? Did he ask you?" I inquired back, matching her tone and volume.

I was met with silence for a few seconds, and then, heard a puzzled, "I don't know. Maybe? He asked if I wanted to go for a drink."

The same week, I counseled a friend about what she thought was a dating relationship. She shared:

"We've talked every day since we met about two months ago, hang out at least once a week, been intimate, he even said 'I love you'. Yet the other day, he told me we're just friends? That if we were together, he would have used the word 'date' and taken me out to dinner or something."

In both cases, my answer was the same: "I think you're on something other than a date." After the initial upset, I explained myself.

I define dating as intention, meaning, whatever the intention of the two parties involved, determines the labeling of the interaction.

So in the cases of these two ladies, you'd think the intention was there, correct? Unfortunately, no, because the intention was only clear to the women, and not to the people they were spending time with. If either of them had asked, "Is this a date?" they (hopefully) would have gotten an answer, and could have decided from there what they wanted to do next. Instead, they both chose to ask me, instead of the person they were sitting across the table from.

Now, I'm just as much a culprit here as anyone. I've lived both of these situations as well, and it's infinitely easier to give advice than to put it into practice. Still, there comes a point when we all have to own our own stuff, and in doing so, choose love for ourselves over the fearfulness someone may respond in a less-than-desirable manner.

Therefore, if someone in a bar, on a dating site, or through friends asks you, "Want to hang out sometime?" or, "Can we go for a drink?" answer as you see appropriate, yet assume it's as friends only. If you're interested in more, playfully ask. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

What do you think, dear readers? How do you know if you're on a first date or not? Do you find it difficult to ask if you are, and if so, why?

Related: Picking a First Date Location, My First Date, What To Do on a First Date.

April 22, 2013 at 7:00 am
(1) Tracy says:

A first date is when you and your date go out and to something together.

April 26, 2013 at 1:32 am
(2) rose says:

first date is when some one calls you

April 26, 2013 at 8:21 am
(3) Patricia says:

I agree ask the person across from u…sound advice

May 2, 2013 at 6:39 pm
(4) Pulseguy says:

If you have to ask, you’re not on a date.

May 2, 2013 at 6:41 pm
(5) Pulseguy says:

If you have to ask, you aren’t on a date.

April 24, 2014 at 11:48 am
(6) soapberryusa says:

This reminds me of that Seinfeld episode. Just semantics and does it matter so long as the goods are there.

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.