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Bonny Albo

Would You Date Someone With an STD?

By May 28, 2014

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Several years ago I dated a man who told me that he'd had a run in with genital warts. He told me early on in our interaction, and assured me that it had been taken care of. He also had a clean bill of health, and wanted to know if I'd go with him to the STD clinic to get tested.

Compare that experience to a male client of mine, who recently told me that the woman he's been dating for three months just advised him - in the heat of the moment - that her previous boyfriend had given her herpes. They are now in discussions about what to do next, although the gent went to the doctor to discuss it and was told, "It's not a big deal, more than 60% of people have the herpes virus, they just don't know it."

Horror stories abound on this topic, and my intention is far from fear-mongering. Rather, I'm curious as to what is okay and what isn't for someone with an STD when it comes to dating. Have you dated someone that has one, and it wasn't a big deal? Or was it a deal breaker? Are you someone with an STD who hasn't had a problem telling people, or has it been a difficult experience? How did it change your perception of dating, or how you've dated?

Related: My Partner Has HPV... Now What?, Dating With Herpes, STD Dating Sites, Free STD Dating Sites, Ten Reasons Your Partner May Not Have Told You About Their STD, and Should I Tell My Date I Get Cold Sores?

May 27, 2010 at 7:45 pm
(1) wayne pauluk says:

I’ve never faced that situation. It would depend on the STD, how the woman talked to me about it, and how interested I was in her. It would tell me a lot about how she might deal with problems, and how she would treat me.

May 29, 2010 at 7:34 pm
(2) Giovanni says:

Honestly i couldnt… there are too many people in the world… i would talk to a person that is clean

June 7, 2010 at 3:37 pm
(3) Mochacoffee says:

I just started to date a nice guy and i’m the one with the std. We started to get intimate and before we got really serious i finally sat him down to chat with him about me having Herpes. I explained to him how i got it and told him to chat with his doctor about my std. Today he received information about it and told me not to worry, he still wants to see me know matter what. :)

February 13, 2011 at 11:05 pm
(4) Chase says:

I just recently gotten an STD. I became extremely depressed upon this discovery of mine. I think that i’ll never have another partner for the rest of my life. The only way i’ve been able to deal with this is to not think about it at all. I’ve been turning girls down because I couldn’t possibly become intimate with someone without them knowing. And at the same time, i’m too embarrassed to say anything. Simply afraid that the person will spread the Rumor like wildfire.

What do I do?

July 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm
(5) StillLearning says:

I originally came to this site to learn more about ‘how to date with an std’. It ended up being the average responses I’ve seen before, but since I met this girl a few weeks ago, my insecurity in the subject has surfaced again.

Take it slow.

You will hear everything from “oh that’s all?” to “so?” or “it may not have been your fault you got it, but I’m not going to make it mine.”.. Also be prepared for the lack of anything further, calls, friendly conversations, anything.
All of these things will happen.

But ultimately read everything you can on whatever you have. I haven’t had ‘the conversation’ yet with the girl I’m now speaking with, and I’m absolutely terrified because I’m actually being a prude these days with who I even attempt to date, and she fulfills 3 of my ‘omg I never thought I would find this’ wishes.

It does get easier though as time goes by after being vocal about it with people you’re dating, I promise.
But always take precautions until you’re married. It doesn’t matter if they say it’s ok, IT DOES NOT MATTER, if things don’t work out, that guilt will rip you apart.

Good luck, do what you can, be honest always, and keep yourself healthy. But do not let anyone bend your principles, this isn’t just about you anymore.

May 9, 2012 at 9:43 am
(6) Melz says:

If EVERYONE would practice SAFE sex, then we would have this problem.
No glove , no love!

May 9, 2012 at 9:44 am
(7) Melz says:

*would not

May 9, 2012 at 7:18 pm
(8) Melz says:

Melz: Not all STDs are 100% preventable with safe sex practices. Sure, they do help in many/most cases, but things such as herpes, where a condom usually does not cover the point of transmission, they are only one part of a safe sex plan, and even then no guarantee.

November 26, 2012 at 6:51 pm
(9) Cierria says:

If it isn’t cureable then no. What if I want us to have a baby one day? I’m guessing I do not want one,but what if I change my mind.

December 21, 2012 at 1:15 am
(10) AK all day I stay strap says:

I wouldl say hell no. How can this be happening. You have an std keep it to yourself and do not spread it.

December 29, 2012 at 8:35 pm
(11) Phil says:

I dated a girl in college with herpes for about a month. She eventually told me after a couple weeks. I felt bad for the girl, and she eventually told me she didn’t want to hang out anymore. It was likely due to my lack of interest, and I didn’t care ‘no skin off my back’ if you will. I was very happy to guilt free pursue healthy sexual relationships while in college.

Now I have been graduated from college for a year. My options are significantly less than when I was in college. One if the only available girls i would have interest for around my town is very pretty and cool, but in high school I heard she had genital warts.
We have hung out and have made out in the past, but I haven’t pursued anything further, mostly due to the fact that I’m relatively sure she has warts.
I am under the impression warts is incurable because it is a virus. So by this point she has likely suppressed it, but it is still transferable.
I know there is plenty if fish in the sea, but right now I’m in my parents house and in more if a pond. (BTW I’m in the generation graduating into a crap economy, I’ll move out as soon as possible, have some pity ;) )
I don’t like believing everything I hear, particularly from high school. I am fairly certain, but not 100%. Regardless there really are very few options available to me for any sort if romanic relations at the present moment.
I also don’t want to start a relationship for attention, and have it premeditated I am going to dump her bc she has warts.
If I ask her if she has warts before initiating the relationship- a. If she does and I don’t pursue she will know why. B. if she doesn’t I could be seen as an ass b/c it presumes she wants to have sex with me, and is kindof rude c. She lies
Or, I could continue to suffer with no romantic interaction.

Any feedback for a guy? Advice? Maybe a fact check?

August 14, 2013 at 7:35 pm
(12) Kmis says:

All of the people who said they wouldn’t have probably had unprotected sex or even protected (which doesn’t protect you from stds) yet they say they wouldn’t date someone with one. Umm you would and you would even sleep with one if your sexually active. You may have happened to get lucky and have not gotten one but please don’t pat yourselves on the back, you did the same things as the people who got one. Thats too bad that people automatically exclude ppl without giving them a chance, no wonder the divorce rate is so high, ppl dont understand true love. The absolute worst disease that needs a cure is ignorance, stop spreading it

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