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What To Do When He Ends It For Another Woman

What To Do When He Ends It For Another Woman


Teenage girl (17-19) watching couple embrace (focus on girl)
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Kristen asks: "For the past month I've been dating the perfect guy for me (who also happens to be my ex boyfriends friend...). He just told me he can't see me anymore because within the past week he has started talking to his ex fiance again! They've been broken up for 3 years and during that time she has been nothing but malicious towards him and done whatever she could to spite him! I don't understand why this is happening now?! He tells me how much he likes me, but that he's already been through everything with her! I want to know from your past experience, does getting back together with an ex work? Do I still have a chance with this guy?"

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Kristen, I'm confused. Why would you think this man was the perfect guy for you if he doesn't see it? Just from your email I know that:

  • You've only been dating a short time, so you really haven't had a chance to see what his not-so-great side is (and we all have one);
  • He's decided after a month of dating that he wants someone else;
  • This someone else isn't a person who has been nice to him, and yet, he still wants to be with her; and
  • He's telling you what you want to hear, but not what's really going on, i.e. he thinks you're swell, but he's still breaking it off to pursue things with her.

Read over my list up there. Take a good, long, hard look at it. Would you tell your best friend in the whole wide world that he was a good bet? There is no way that, after a month, you can have invested enough time into him to say he's The One, and even if you could? He feels differently, and trying to change that only says you're acting out of fear instead of love.

I read something recently that resonated with me about this topic, and I think it'll help you too. I'm paraphrasing, but basically the dating advice book shared, "If he wants another woman, push him in her direction, let her have him." (Make Up Don't Break Up, by Dr. Bonnie Weil) Why? Because if he's wiffle waffling about you and another gal, then he's focusing elsewhere than how amazing you are, and he obviously needs some space to find it out. So, let him figure out on his own that you're someone he misses, wants to be with, and pursue, because if you start the crazy-making behavior, trying to prove to him you're 'worth it' or that you want him no matter what, he'll leave you no matter whom he wants to be with.

I'm avoiding your question with my answer, I realize that. But there really isn't much you can do here, especially since you've only been dating a few short weeks. He has every right to date someone else, and I applaud him for telling you outright so that he doesn't lie, cheat, or otherwise do hurtful things. But the fact is, he's not your 'perfect guy', and its time to stop hoping or waiting he'll come back, and move on to someone who appreciates you for who you are.

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