What kind of relationship were you in?
Second Marriage
How long were were you together before the break up?
5 years married + 1 yr dating
Describe the break up.
She left me about a month ago. The "why" is complicated, of course, but differing feelings about how much effort and energy should be invested in the relationship (activities, time, etc) as compared with individual goals.
She eventually joined a group of volunteer first responders, found a passion for the effort, and lots of male & female friends. A new lifestyle too, plenty of 30-somethings out doing brave acts. No real suspicion of an affair per se, but a few minor warning signs. Maybe.
She moved out, left me the house and plenty of $ to soften the blow for 6-months.
How did you cope after the break up?
Not well. Still pining, miss her terribly, but she only moved out 5-weeks ago and the PSA has been signed for 3-weeks. First time alone since 1984. Deleted her cell # to prevent me from texting. I stopped calling and e-mailing as well. Painted the bedroom a different color. Got a facebook account. Started asking a few select women out @ work.
Lessons learned
- it takes time
- mistakes will be made
- after 5-years, the relationship probably did have some high points
- if you accidentally order flowers for her....find an alternatiive recipient and change the delivery!
- don't chase or beg
- minimize communications
- don't keep going to the same marriage counselor, if the separation papers are already signed!
- give him/her space to move out
- don't burn out friends & family with the saga
