What kind of relationship were you in?
Engagement
How long were were you together before the break up?
2 years
Describe the break up.
My break up was a huge wake-up call. I dated my (ex) fiance for 2 years and we were engaged for about 6 months. When he told me over the phone, "I think I made a mistake by proposing to you. We should go back to bf/gf," our whole relationship flashed before my eyes. In shock, I immediately said that was the worst idea ever and decided it was over. Overall, I now realize how much crap I overlooked, including his resistance to seeking full-time employment since, in his words, "I would always make more than he would because of my education". He lived in his Mom's basement and had no desire to find full-time work.
How did you cope after the break up?
*I was hesitant to share the news with anyone at first, including my family. I think I kept it a "secret" for a few days and pretended like nothing happened because I was in shock and I was in denial.
*I cried a lot
*Did I mention I cried a lot?
*For the first month, I tried to keep talking to/seeing my ex, but it was like talking to a stranger.
*I temporarily deleted my Facebook account to avoid the embarrassment of my relationship status going from "Engaged" to "Single"
*After a month or so, I started socializing more and signed up for Match.com.
*I had a 45-day-ish downward spiral rebound with someone I dated in my past who had also just ended a relationship. It was bad on all fronts but helped me move on.
*I watched a lot of movies/Gilmore Girls (the season where Lorelei broke off her engagement with Luke was so helpful)
*Beer, wine
Lessons learned
- Alcohol doesn't work. It just delays dealing with feelings.
- Cutting off all communications is the only way to truly move on from a past relationship.
- A broken engagement is better than a miserable marriage or divorce.
- Sharing relationship info. on Facebook seems likes a good idea when things are good, but when things go bad it gets ugly fast.
- Meeting new people is the only way to start fresh because going back to old relationships after a breakup just puts you in the "waiting room" zone.
- Never settle for the status quo in a relationship. Your partner should inspire you to be better.
