Readers Respond: Who Should Pay For a Date?
Responses: 29

By Bonny Albo, About.com

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In todays world of independent men and women it's a toss-up of who pays. Some people think whomever did the asking by all means should be the one to pay for the date no matter what the activities. But bare in mind, not everyone has that multi figured income. Dating in todays evolvement can be rather expensive. It could cost the asker a days wages or more just to spend some small amount of time with someone they they are attracted to. The asker runs the risk of being labled "cheap and a bum" if they don't visit their local loan company before their date. I think the "dated" should consider this and be willing to bend either way to make the date go well for both parties involved. You never know. The date might go so much more enjoyable if the financial tension is non-existent and could lead to more good times with the same person. Just a thought.
—Guest Rob

I have done and always will split the bill right down the middle. Sure, it has lost me a few repeat dates but since I value my independence highly it's clear that we were not right for each other. I feel that it clearly indicates to my date that I am an independent person, should there be any doubt :) and while I understand the social convention that men pay, I respectfully disagree.
—Guest Bralla

Women have been getting over on this issue for way too long. It doesn't matter who asked who, if there is a commitment to having fun together or too each other, it should be dutch--all through the relationship. Its always girls who call guys cheapskates, as if its some ordained thing that they just have to cough up. NO WAY.
—Guest Mark

So it's unanimous: the guy should pay... at *least* partly. Upfront, I am not a cheapskate, and I am very much a gentleman: thoughtful, honest, respectful, compassionate, fun, and yes, giving. I even agree in principle that whoever initiates the date should pay. But when is that the woman? In my life and from what I see, women initiate maybe 5% of all dates. To those who say *always* the man, can they say *why*? Good rules have good reasons. Why should "gentlemanliness" be measured by a flowing wallet, whereas expecting a woman to pay is considered out of line? And if money is, to some women, a measure of how much the man cares, why isn't it a measure of how much *she* cares? I think I've always paid for all my dates, but this is a terrible double standard. Like any societal norm, it is not questioned; it's just "the way it is" and upstarts like me who simply see things a little more objectively are considered mean or unpleasant -- until the sentiment gathers momentum.
—Guest John

I do agree that who ever makes the date should pay even if its the woman. What I don't agree with is the man should always pay for everything. I feel that the dating process should be enjoyable for both parties. It tends to get a little un-enjoyable when there is a difference of opinion, especially when it comes to this touchy subject. Just my 2cents!
—JasonBernard

Men should always pay in the beginning, but you'd be surprised how impressive it is if the lady offers. I agree, if the guy accepts splitting, the lady should make the decision if it's a deal breaker and she likes him enough to wants a 2nd date. Further uninterested women should never accept a 2nd date just for a free meal.
—Guest Eric

My thinking is simple - if you book the date, then you should offer to pay for the meal or venue you went to with them - no matter if you are heterosexual or same sex dating. If they want to pay for their own meal, let them do it. You don't have to press the matter, just offer to cover the cost of the meal or event you went to, and if they (your date) want's to cover their own costs, then let them. Arguing over who pays for what would be a waste of time and send you both into negative vibe mode. If you insist on covering your own way, say it up front so there is no hassle of discussion at the time the bill arrives.
—Sigfusson

To be fair, I would say that the one who did the asking should be the one who pays. But since that might be too challenging to traditional gender roles, if the woman did the asking, she should at least offer to split the tab.
—Guest SusanH

It shows that they are into you if they are willing to shell out the money it costs to spend time with you will getting a bite to eat or some drinks... It's okay to pick up a drink or some small things, but until he's very in like with you, he should pay. Then the female should pick up ordering pizza or Chinese food... but he should still pay on "dates".
—Guest Neen

Men should show that they are gentlemen. Men should ask themselves this: "If I had a daughter, would I want her to have to pay for dates?" If later in the relationship, they're close and there's a mutual decision to share expenses, then it's ok for a woman to pay her way, every once in a while. But until they're serious, a guy needs to step it up.
—Guest Tanya

If it is a first date, the gal should offer, but ultimately the guy should pick up the tab. If the guy lets the gal pick up the tab, he is cheap. I would not go out with him again. On the other hand, if the man is really lousy company, I will get out money to cover my half of the bill and escort myself out of the restaurant. If there are subsequent dates, the guy should always pick up the tab. The lady is his guest. If she splits the bill, it is not a date. It is friends sharing a meal.
—Guest Talia

My date came from Eastern Long Island to Manhattan and since I know the city better, I prearranged, and paid for 2 inexpensive activities and told him if those went well he could take over for the second half. He was impressed with my thoughtfulness and hospitality and returned in like. I think it was a nice way to do things.
—Guest Linda

The man should always pay. Hands down. I have very old-fashioned values and I believe he should always take care of his woman. She can reciprocate in other ways. But a man should be a man.
—Guest Jennifer

since the idea of date outing is always from the guys except if the guy declared that he has an empty pocket and the lady promised she is gonna pay for the bill which means this is the only reason the woman can pay for dating bills. Thank you.
—Guest Mark