From the article: On a Date, Who Pays?
a man should pay first dates
- I think a man should pay for first date but it would be nice if a woman offers to pay half. I generaly pay in full for the first date even if they offer, but once in a while I like a woman to offer to pay the full amount, but if they don't, then that turn me off.
- —Guest victor
Guess that dating is out for me
- I wouldnt mind offering to pay for part of the meal and the date as long as we dined at McDonalds. I work at a job making a little more than $7.15 an hour and I cant afford to go to some expensive place and be expected to pay half the bill
- —Guest rubs64
Whoever asks pays for the first date.
- But I am an old fashioned woman that i would NEVER ask. I just don't. I know it's a modern world, but I'm just not that modern. Recently on a date, he paid for dinner (I did offer to cover my half. He declined.) so, I offered to pay for coffee. he declined that too. In my last relationship (after we became long term) we mostly took turns paying. He didn't ask me to pay as much because i am a single parent and am support 3 people to his 1. I did frequently offer to pay, and he occasionally accepted, and we were both fine with it.
- —Guest Melissa
Financial Etiquette of Dating
- Such a tricky issue! I'm saddened to say that I have spoiled a couple of dates trying to sort this stuff out at the end of the night. I found this article of financial etiquette about dating to be really insightful.
- —Guest Corvas
Old fasioned values
- Old fashioned values were out the window years ago! Some women love to fall back on the phase "I'm old fashioned". Let me tell you about old fashioned. Women stayed home. They cooked and cleaned and if they had a job they usually made sqwat compared to their male counterparts. They made a home cooked meal for their man nearly every night (yes even just dating!). I'm not talking about a frozen pizza either. That sure doesn't count! Then the man would treat his lady to the show for 50 cents once a week. Maybe once or twice a month he would take her to the fancy family diner. Thats Old fashioned. I don't know what world you're living in but the last time I took a date to the movies it was close to $50. A far cry from 50 cents. If you really love someone why would you want them to endure finacial hardship on your part. I think a sound solution is taking turns treating in this day and age. Times used to be much simpler and dates cheap with little or no expense.
- —Guest Mr Old fashioned
It should be equal
- To say a man should pay for a date is saying women have to give sex on the first date. Men and women are equal to expect one to do this or that is making you to belive you are better than that person. Stop being selfish and self-centered
- —Guest Johnny
1 Adult -1 Adult =
- Anytime one adult individual pays for the other adult individual there is no friendship, there is no care, there is no truth, there is no trust. There is only one adult being financially used and one adult financially using. This is not a basis for adult love or adult sincerity or adult integrity.
- —Guest Truth
Always a toughy for me
- I often offer to pay or subsidize because I have never felt comfortable assuming my date plans to pay. There are so many ways to contribute to a relationship that all ways of giving should be taken into consideration (he fixes things, she cooks dinner rather than them going out on a date...) rather than focusing on just this one area. I would like for my date to pay for the first few dates, but I'll generally chip in, e.g., he takes me to dinner & I offer coffee and/or dessert. egardless of social changes, I believe there is still a male/female energy/role thing that we generally, innately fall into. Men tend to enjoy being respected for their ideas, knowledge, and someone who takes care of things and women (at least most of the women I know) tend to provide the romance, warmth, loving environment.
- —49phoenix
good question
- I'm recently retired due to a medical disability I was not financially ready for. I was always working hard and was not dating. Now I have the time but not the money. Seriously, how should I bring up this issue?
- —Guest a cheap guy
At least on the first couple of dates
- I mean, seriously? I think the gesture shows the individual's character. If a girl pays for the guy, chances are she views him only as a friend and not someone she can rely on. Besides, first dates are like, coffee and cake...It should hardly break the bank.
- —Guest Sonia
Men should always pay?
- I'm fine with paying on all my dates and I always politely decline an offer to split the bill. Still, I find myself somewhat annoyed when women insist the guy should always pay. Equality is such an important issue (obviously) and has been for some time, and the reasons why guys have traditionally always paid (he is the one who has the money, she needs somebody to take care of her, etc) are totally ridiculous in this day and age. So ladies, I'm more than happy to treat you on all of our dates. After all, it is how things have "always been done." But if you say that you wouldn't date me if I didn't pay, after we get serious I'll politely inform you that I believe you should not leave the kitchen unless it is to clean the other rooms in the house. That's also the so-called "traditional role", is it not? come on, use some common sense before you insist that guys should still be paying every penny, and be grateful that we still pick up the tab without hesitation.
- —Guest Johnson
Welcome to the real world
- In todays world of independent men and women it's a toss-up of who pays. Some people think whomever did the asking by all means should be the one to pay for the date no matter what the activities. But bare in mind, not everyone has that multi figured income. Dating in todays evolvement can be rather expensive. It could cost the asker a days wages or more just to spend some small amount of time with someone they they are attracted to. The asker runs the risk of being labled "cheap and a bum" if they don't visit their local loan company before their date. I think the "dated" should consider this and be willing to bend either way to make the date go well for both parties involved. You never know. The date might go so much more enjoyable if the financial tension is non-existent and could lead to more good times with the same person. Just a thought.
- —Guest Rob
Dutch
- I have done and always will split the bill right down the middle. Sure, it has lost me a few repeat dates but since I value my independence highly it's clear that we were not right for each other. I feel that it clearly indicates to my date that I am an independent person, should there be any doubt :) and while I understand the social convention that men pay, I respectfully disagree.
- —Guest Bralla
Dutch Always
- Women have been getting over on this issue for way too long. It doesn't matter who asked who, if there is a commitment to having fun together or too each other, it should be dutch--all through the relationship. Its always girls who call guys cheapskates, as if its some ordained thing that they just have to cough up. NO WAY.
- —Guest Mark
unbelievable double standard
- So it's unanimous: the guy should pay... at *least* partly. Upfront, I am not a cheapskate, and I am very much a gentleman: thoughtful, honest, respectful, compassionate, fun, and yes, giving. I even agree in principle that whoever initiates the date should pay. But when is that the woman? In my life and from what I see, women initiate maybe 5% of all dates. To those who say *always* the man, can they say *why*? Good rules have good reasons. Why should "gentlemanliness" be measured by a flowing wallet, whereas expecting a woman to pay is considered out of line? And if money is, to some women, a measure of how much the man cares, why isn't it a measure of how much *she* cares? I think I've always paid for all my dates, but this is a terrible double standard. Like any societal norm, it is not questioned; it's just "the way it is" and upstarts like me who simply see things a little more objectively are considered mean or unpleasant -- until the sentiment gathers momentum.
- —Guest John
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