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Readers Respond: Who Should Pay For a Date?

Responses: 54


From the article: On a Date, Who Pays?

Save the money

Don't get taken for a ride. Don't ask them on dates. Make her ask you out. If she wants me bad enough, she'll ask me out. If she asks me out I'll say "so you're taking me to dinner?" If I don't like her, I'll pay my half. Guys are straight up. Women will use smoke and mirrors. Dinner dates are for suckers. Once she's given up the goods, I don't mind paying for the dinner. Thing about it. A prostitute costs $90. Dinner costs ~$60. Chances are you'll need two meetings considering a high likelyhood of scoring. If you date two women and 1 of them gives it up (not gonna happen) on the first date, you spend $120. You still save with the prostitute. If you give women undeserved importance, they will use it against you. You're paying for hope that you'll get laid. Chances are you won't. Mentally you'll know that you can get laid on your terms.
—Guest Studmachine

21st century

The one who asks should pay unless you both agree to split. What's the complication? This is the 21st century. Why should the guy always pay just because of he has concealed under his trousers? I'm from the younger generation, and in my generation it is considered spoiled for a girl to always expect the guy to pay. Maybe this is different for the older generation, though, since most of them grew up with gender roles.
—Guest Zerbu

It's your turn

What about when your guy date says "It's your turn to pay"? Turn off to moi

small token for so much effort

I think the men should pay as a small token of appreciation I work full time then come home and start my wifey job. I took a dumpy house and made it beautiful, I clean this house, cook his meals, do wash, sex, help him with the lawn and trash. It is a matter of respect to me for him to pay.. Right now he isn't getting anything because he counts how many times (2x) he has paid for dinner... I told him that since I have to pay for my own dinners he can make his own, and clean his own house and make friends with himself all over again...

Southern...maybe old fashion

I (female,southern 25) have not paid for a date before, but I was taught that if you are taken on a date, you don't order the lobster. I make a habit of ordering appropriately and of suggesting things that may not be expensive--i.e. I cook, u bring the wine, dinner and a museum, etc. I guess when a guy is paying a $100 for a date there could be problems.

Your kidding!

I have dated three women in the last year making 100k+. They wouldn't think of taking a turn paying for a night out. If they did, you knew they were making an exception. Their attitude was that paying is my job. Women I know from work making 40k a year wouldn't dream of making the guy pay for everything and even suggested I not see the tight wads. I think the this is an example of, "what's mine is mine and what's your's is mine."
—Guest ttnnelson

Dating is expensive

I can't imagine what it would be like to have somebody ask me out on a date and then pay for it. Tell me how good I look and great I am offer me sex. I then turn it down and bitch about it to my guy friends the next day saying how cheap she is.

Equality rocks

I pay for the first date and I think it is good for the man to almost always pay for the first date. But, after that, this is an equal relationship between two adults. I am a single father, and mostly date single mothers. It kills me all of the women who want equality on anything they feel entitled to, but want old fashioned whenever that happens to suit them better.
—Guest Equality

Women do not pay during courting!

As a confident woman who considers herself a feminist, I don't need a free meal, I'm trying to find my soul mate here. I'm looking for an amazing man with a good career who is serious about finding a partner. It's a huge turn off if a guy expects me to pay!! Are you kidding me? Women are supposed to work (still making 77 cents on the dollar to men), look good, be witty and personable, go through pregnancy, have babies, raise children, continue to work while raising children, and we're also expected by some to pay for the company of a man when he's courting us? That's ridiculous, and I suspect most self-respecting woman will expect to be woo'ed and treated like a goddess during courting and after (if a man is lucky enough to win her). The fact that a beautiful, sweet, intelligent, and amazing woman is sitting across from you is a gift on it's own, treat it like such and maybe you'll seduce her lovingly into starting a family with you.
—Guest Jen

awomanwhowill pay

Spending money to look good for the ....male. Either your sniffed too much nail polish or denial is a place to live. There comes a time when a woman either is in a relationship or is just playing along because it's free or better. If the woman is serious, then of course she holds her own. As you say, it is the 21st century.
—Guest aguy

Men Paying = Status and Wealth

I think the man should always pay on the first date no matter who did the inviting because when a man pays it subconsciously shows to the woman that he is able to provide for her (and her children). Woman look for qualities in a man that show he can provide for her and a family. Paying shows a level of status and wealth that women find attractive in a father/husband figure. I am not an anti-feminist; It's all rooted in human evolutionary past.
—Guest Alina

Who Should Pay for a Date?

The first date would depend on who asked who. If I ask a guy out (which I haven't done in 20 years), I would expect to pay. I'm a modern woman, so I think on subsequent dates, the man and woman should take turns paying. If the man makes a lot more money, however, and insists on paying, then I would receiprocate by cooking meals for him or washing his car or maybe hemming pants or sewing on a button. Not to turn myself into an unpaid maid or anything but just to show my appreciation.


I think that at the beginning the woo'er should pay or at least the person who did the asking should pay, but then after two or three dates both should pay. It's just fair.
—Guest paul

Men should be men... and pay.

I think the man should pay for the date, it keeps is simple... Heck I even read from a professional matchmaker that men should pay, so who am I to argue with that?
—Guest Dean

If man can't pay wht is he good for then

I don't know what world you live in, but in my world men always pay, 1st date, 2nd, 10th, whatever. I am a lady and why would I date not a gentleman? And gentlemen always pay. Single ladies have to have a job, spend lots of money on cloth/shoes/make up/hair products+hair salons/fitness centers/tanning salons/fashion magazines etc. jut to look beautiful. For who? For MALES! Also, every male expects to have free good time, free sex and free psychological session. And what do we get in return??? You don't make us favors by paying, no. Maybe we'd much rather sit at home by tv wearing night gown, instead of spending time on getting ready and rushing somewhere... And what do we get in return? Option to split a bill? It's funny! We should be getting presents just because we turned up. Married females in 21st century have a job, raise kids, look after the house, cook, and have sex with husbands even if they don't want to! So-if males can't even pay for dates, then what are they good for?
—Guest Midea
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