1. Dating & Relationships
Send to a Friend via Email

Your suggestion is on its way!

An email with a link to:


was emailed to:

Thanks for sharing About.com with others!

You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Discuss in my forum

Readers Respond: Who Should Pay For a Date?

Responses: 59


From the article: On a Date, Who Pays?


I was suprised and shocked by the handful of responses that I read by men. I think I am the ONLY woman out there that has dated and married or lived with, the ONLY men out there who, while they have jobs that paid 2-3 times what I make and (I own my own store) have NEVER fairly paid their own way in our relationship! I have brought home "the bacon", fried up "the bacon", served and cleaned up after "the bacon", only to be left hangin'! I can't help thinking what's in it for me? Honestly, i've even considered turning to women but any women would see right through me that I am NOT a lesbian! I only "need" a man for sex. And while they all ACT like that's what they all want, they FAIL me in that department as well!
—Guest Superwomam

Always look for a trust fund girl

I've made it well and early in life. I've dated women who were basically tens in the looks department but zeros in the success department. I've also dated women who were tens in both departments but zeros in the wife-style potential department. The only women that seem to be good quality wife-style potential these days are women that have grown up on dad's dollars and trust funds. Surprisingly these ladies are willing to commit to the wife-style duties as long as there are no restrictions placed on their spending. All in all the man should pay for the courtship. Why not? It's really very cheap when you consider what you are really paying for, even if you have to wait for a few dates to get it, it will come, it always does. You will end up paying for most women for the length of the marriage so why worry about a few thousand dollars to get to know them? Makes no sense to even question what is inherently inbuilt in our instinctual hunter / gatherer and her submissive obedient nature.
—Guest Desirable Devin

Equal give and take

The man is not responsible for the woman anymore than the woman is responsible for the man. Women today have a colossal, false sense of entitlement bestowed upon them by men who refuse to stand up for themselves. If two consenting adults decide to do something which requires spending money, then each is supposed to be a mature, responsible, self-sufficient adult and provide for him/herself. Money has nothing to do with getting to know a person. You can spend a million dollars on a person, and that million dollars will never determine if you are compatible for dating, have chemistry, or the same interests; the list goes on and on. If you really want to get to know that person, then you have to communicate. All the money in the world won't buy you a positive, healthy relationship. There isn't a person on this planet that is so special you have to spend money on them to be with them. None of us are entitled to a damn thing in this world. Practice reciprocity and I'm sure we all get along.
—Guest Flyfisher

Nothing's change people

Ha, no one's in this evolved group yet where women pay half. I mean guys have to pay, guys have to ask the girl out, etc etc. Anyone that thinks otherwise is really overestimating our culture. Just give it up arguing otherwise, this is also why women are thought as lesser people for centuries and still in some areas.
—Guest Mike

why should the man always pay?

I was in a relationship for a year in a half. For the first dozen dates, i always paid and would expect different. My ex is a strong believer in gender roles but only the roles that suit her needs. She didnt believe in cooking or other roles that did not suit her. I am not a rich man and always wanted to make my partner happy by trying to fill her emotional and physical and financial needs but after awhile, i felt like a walking wallet. In time, it felt like more of my job to pay and less about the relationship because the lack of appreciation. I believe in time, things should become more mutual and the financial burden should be shared. Remember ladies, that money we spend on dates is money we are not spending on ourselves and that is a sacrafice.
—Guest johnny

Save the money

Don't get taken for a ride. Don't ask them on dates. Make her ask you out. If she wants me bad enough, she'll ask me out. If she asks me out I'll say "so you're taking me to dinner?" If I don't like her, I'll pay my half. Guys are straight up. Women will use smoke and mirrors. Dinner dates are for suckers. Once she's given up the goods, I don't mind paying for the dinner. Thing about it. A prostitute costs $90. Dinner costs ~$60. Chances are you'll need two meetings considering a high likelyhood of scoring. If you date two women and 1 of them gives it up (not gonna happen) on the first date, you spend $120. You still save with the prostitute. If you give women undeserved importance, they will use it against you. You're paying for hope that you'll get laid. Chances are you won't. Mentally you'll know that you can get laid on your terms.
—Guest Studmachine

21st century

The one who asks should pay unless you both agree to split. What's the complication? This is the 21st century. Why should the guy always pay just because of he has concealed under his trousers? I'm from the younger generation, and in my generation it is considered spoiled for a girl to always expect the guy to pay. Maybe this is different for the older generation, though, since most of them grew up with gender roles.
—Guest Zerbu

It's your turn

What about when your guy date says "It's your turn to pay"? Turn off to moi

small token for so much effort

I think the men should pay as a small token of appreciation I work full time then come home and start my wifey job. I took a dumpy house and made it beautiful, I clean this house, cook his meals, do wash, sex, help him with the lawn and trash. It is a matter of respect to me for him to pay.. Right now he isn't getting anything because he counts how many times (2x) he has paid for dinner... I told him that since I have to pay for my own dinners he can make his own, and clean his own house and make friends with himself all over again...

Southern...maybe old fashion

I (female,southern 25) have not paid for a date before, but I was taught that if you are taken on a date, you don't order the lobster. I make a habit of ordering appropriately and of suggesting things that may not be expensive--i.e. I cook, u bring the wine, dinner and a museum, etc. I guess when a guy is paying a $100 for a date there could be problems.

Your kidding!

I have dated three women in the last year making 100k+. They wouldn't think of taking a turn paying for a night out. If they did, you knew they were making an exception. Their attitude was that paying is my job. Women I know from work making 40k a year wouldn't dream of making the guy pay for everything and even suggested I not see the tight wads. I think the this is an example of, "what's mine is mine and what's your's is mine."
—Guest ttnnelson

Dating is expensive

I can't imagine what it would be like to have somebody ask me out on a date and then pay for it. Tell me how good I look and great I am offer me sex. I then turn it down and bitch about it to my guy friends the next day saying how cheap she is.

Equality rocks

I pay for the first date and I think it is good for the man to almost always pay for the first date. But, after that, this is an equal relationship between two adults. I am a single father, and mostly date single mothers. It kills me all of the women who want equality on anything they feel entitled to, but want old fashioned whenever that happens to suit them better.
—Guest Equality

Women do not pay during courting!

As a confident woman who considers herself a feminist, I don't need a free meal, I'm trying to find my soul mate here. I'm looking for an amazing man with a good career who is serious about finding a partner. It's a huge turn off if a guy expects me to pay!! Are you kidding me? Women are supposed to work (still making 77 cents on the dollar to men), look good, be witty and personable, go through pregnancy, have babies, raise children, continue to work while raising children, and we're also expected by some to pay for the company of a man when he's courting us? That's ridiculous, and I suspect most self-respecting woman will expect to be woo'ed and treated like a goddess during courting and after (if a man is lucky enough to win her). The fact that a beautiful, sweet, intelligent, and amazing woman is sitting across from you is a gift on it's own, treat it like such and maybe you'll seduce her lovingly into starting a family with you.
—Guest Jen

awomanwhowill pay

Spending money to look good for the ....male. Either your sniffed too much nail polish or denial is a place to live. There comes a time when a woman either is in a relationship or is just playing along because it's free or better. If the woman is serious, then of course she holds her own. As you say, it is the 21st century.
—Guest aguy

Share Your Thoughts

Who Should Pay For a Date?

Receive a one-time notification when your response is published.

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.