Readers Respond: Who Should Pay For a Date?
Responses: 30

By Bonny Albo, About.com Guide

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Mostly the guy should

In everything between individuals and people, there is the head. If the lady pay sometimes it indicate support and caring. guys must pay regularly to show authority and respect. I did not indicate that the man have total control earlier. The lady have a part 2 play. And a portion 2 pay. In this century, We blind the two. Old school and new school. How? Lets face it, if she is pushed behind to do all chores (room & kitchen staff) man you aren't caring nor loving. Our ladies if you don't assist in the dollar/cedi/pounds /. . . and all, you aren't dependable.
—Guest Kwaku Asare

I nearly always pay for my dates(not that i had many due to relationship). But i always paid. I dont think it should be something girls should expect. Cuz tbh u can pay for yourself. If u cant let the guy know when he asks u out. Yes picking up the tab is nice. But it shouldn't be taken bad if he cant. Thats just beeing shallow(prolly a better word to describe it but). If u cant pay for yourself tell prior to the date... I'll mostly pay for both. But thats just cuz i see it as me asking her out on a date and therfor should pay( a bit old fashin i know)
—Guest Average joe

ALWAYS dutch. Sorry ladies - if you want to use the "I don't make as Much as a man" excuse, you either have a lack of ambition or don't know how to effectively negotiate your salary. Times are bad - everyone has to pay their own way , or just stay in and let nature take its course.
—Squarebubble

It is my feeling that on a first date, the man should pay. Many posts here talk about how women are independent and make their own money. The reality of the our current economic situation is that if I can even be hired for the same job as a man, I will be paid 20% less for doing it. That is a statistical fact, as well as an anecdotal one. When a man asks me on a first date, I do expect him to pay. If we have more than one date, I may politely offer to "help out", or offer to leave the tip. No man I have ever dated has taken me up on an offer. I will also offer to drive, or to bring the wine for a BYOB and that sort of thing, if it is a second or third date. Once I am in a committed relationship, I expect to make some meals and to chip in more often. I have never felt in any way obligated to exchange sexual favors for a meal. When I have meals with male friends or colleagues, we usually split the cost, but even in these sorts of situations, men frequently pay the whole bill.
—Guest Zoe

Personally, I believe that the "man" of the relationship should pay for the first date, and if the two people decide to go on more than it should be shared - each pays half. That's being polite and fair.
—Guest Atari

I think a man should pay for first date but it would be nice if a woman offers to pay half. I generaly pay in full for the first date even if they offer, but once in a while I like a woman to offer to pay the full amount, but if they don't, then that turn me off.
—Guest victor

I wouldnt mind offering to pay for part of the meal and the date as long as we dined at McDonalds. I work at a job making a little more than $7.15 an hour and I cant afford to go to some expensive place and be expected to pay half the bill
—Guest rubs64

But I am an old fashioned woman that i would NEVER ask. I just don't. I know it's a modern world, but I'm just not that modern. Recently on a date, he paid for dinner (I did offer to cover my half. He declined.) so, I offered to pay for coffee. he declined that too. In my last relationship (after we became long term) we mostly took turns paying. He didn't ask me to pay as much because i am a single parent and am support 3 people to his 1. I did frequently offer to pay, and he occasionally accepted, and we were both fine with it.
—Guest Melissa

Such a tricky issue! I'm saddened to say that I have spoiled a couple of dates trying to sort this stuff out at the end of the night. I found this article of financial etiquette about dating to be really insightful.
—Guest Corvas

Old fashioned values were out the window years ago! Some women love to fall back on the phase "I'm old fashioned". Let me tell you about old fashioned. Women stayed home. They cooked and cleaned and if they had a job they usually made sqwat compared to their male counterparts. They made a home cooked meal for their man nearly every night (yes even just dating!). I'm not talking about a frozen pizza either. That sure doesn't count! Then the man would treat his lady to the show for 50 cents once a week. Maybe once or twice a month he would take her to the fancy family diner. Thats Old fashioned. I don't know what world you're living in but the last time I took a date to the movies it was close to $50. A far cry from 50 cents. If you really love someone why would you want them to endure finacial hardship on your part. I think a sound solution is taking turns treating in this day and age. Times used to be much simpler and dates cheap with little or no expense.
—Guest Mr Old fashioned

To say a man should pay for a date is saying women have to give sex on the first date. Men and women are equal to expect one to do this or that is making you to belive you are better than that person. Stop being selfish and self-centered
—Guest Johnny

Anytime one adult individual pays for the other adult individual there is no friendship, there is no care, there is no truth, there is no trust. There is only one adult being financially used and one adult financially using. This is not a basis for adult love or adult sincerity or adult integrity.
—Guest Truth

I often offer to pay or subsidize because I have never felt comfortable assuming my date plans to pay. There are so many ways to contribute to a relationship that all ways of giving should be taken into consideration (he fixes things, she cooks dinner rather than them going out on a date...) rather than focusing on just this one area. I would like for my date to pay for the first few dates, but I'll generally chip in, e.g., he takes me to dinner & I offer coffee and/or dessert. egardless of social changes, I believe there is still a male/female energy/role thing that we generally, innately fall into. Men tend to enjoy being respected for their ideas, knowledge, and someone who takes care of things and women (at least most of the women I know) tend to provide the romance, warmth, loving environment.
—49phoenix

I'm recently retired due to a medical disability I was not financially ready for. I was always working hard and was not dating. Now I have the time but not the money. Seriously, how should I bring up this issue?
—Guest a cheap guy

I mean, seriously? I think the gesture shows the individual's character. If a girl pays for the guy, chances are she views him only as a friend and not someone she can rely on. Besides, first dates are like, coffee and cake...It should hardly break the bank.
—Guest Sonia