Sunday November 22, 2009
Its rare that a week goes by where I don't get asked by a reader through the dating forums or dating advice request form whether or not I think their love will last. Thing is, its a very difficult question to answer - especially since I'm only getting as much information as the reader cares to share. Plus, even a healthy relationship can be thrown depending on a variety of factors no one really wants to plan for: the passing of a loved one, losing a job, a sudden health crisis, etc.
Still, there are some common factors that can help guide us towards seeing whether or not a love relationship will stand the test of time. Thinks like trust and levels of commitment, how friends and family view the relationship and how long you've been together for instance. So I've compiled these known traits into a quiz to help those of you asking along the path: Will Our Love Last? Quiz
But what about you? What do you think are the markers for a long lasting, healthy relationship?
Wednesday November 18, 2009
I speak fairly regularly about myself in this blog, whether it be my own dating experiences or those of my friends, family and clients. You know me pretty well if you're a regular reader of this blog, but other than those of you who share your stories through the dating blog or dating forums, I don't know you at all.
So today, I'd like to give you the floor. Who are you? Why do you visit the dating site? Are you in a relationship, dating, or want to be? Do you love to talk about dating and relationships as much as I do? Please share your answers at the bottom of this message. I'd also love it if you voted in my dating polls, specifically the one about what you'd like to see on this site.
Friday November 13, 2009
According to the October 2009 edition of Psychology Today (Buy Direct
), when we interact with someone we feel physical attraction to, we lose the capability to perform simple cognitive tasks. Worse still, the stronger the physical attraction, the worse things get.
Researchers at Radboud University in Holland discovered this behavioral hiccup - as many people who have suffered from a dating disaster already know - by asking people to take a basic cognitive test after interacting with another person. The more physical attraction, the worse the men's performances, irregardless if the gent was in a relationship or not. Women also fared negligibly, although not nearly as badly as the men did.
Why the embarrassing behavior? When trying to attract someone, a lot of our focus ends up in trying to make a good impression. This leads to small but sometimes significant flub ups with motor control and how we hold ourselves physically, such as tripping when you see an attractive woman or being tongue tied when you run into a hot guy.
The take away? Don't beat yourself up too much if you are a klutz around someone you like, because it happens to most of us (but more so men than women). And for those attracted to men, if the man suddenly starts acting oddly or becomes more accident prone around you, its a good bet he's interested, suffering from this unfortunate situation, and trying his best to make a great first impression. Take it as a compliment, and try to cut him a bit of slack if you can.
Related: The Law Of Attraction, New Law Of Attraction - Have Them Come To You, How Much Do Looks Matter?
Source: Huston, Matthew. "Tongue Tied." Psychology Today September/October 2009 Vol 42, No 5:17.
Sunday November 8, 2009
A reader asks, "We had a great first date two weeks ago, but I haven't heard from him since about a second date. When will he call?"
I've answered with a bit more breadth in
When Will He Call For A Second Date, but basically I'll say that after two weeks if the guy hasn't even touched base with you its time to move on. I'll also recommend picking up a copy of Why Didn't He Call You Back by Rachel Greenwald (
Buy Direct). In it, the author shares her findings regarding 1,000 men, and why they didn't call their dates back. I think almost every single woman will find herself in at least one of the categories listed, and it might provide you with some constructive feedback as to what to do in the future.