A single friend of mine is down in the dumps. He's miserable, angry, frustrated, you name it - and it shows. So when he asked me today why no one wanted to meet him off a dating site, I paused before answering.

Because in my opinion? Mood does affect one's attractiveness. Without question.

A number of years ago I did something I've since labeled my smiling experiment, where I spent an evening sharing my 100-watt smile to everyone I encountered on a busy weekend night. Prior to my very non-scientific test, I was in a similar head space as my friend. I couldn't attract someone for the life of me and it was really starting to get to me. So instead of moping about it, I went out and tried something new. I genuinely smiled. At everyone. Even though I really didn't feel like it, and even though (at the time) I felt horrible about myself. Within two hours my mood had changed dramatically - and with it, my attractiveness meter skyrocketed.

With that story in mind, I wanted to tell my friend that all he had to do was change his mood. Somehow, he had to start feeling better about himself before he'd be attractive again. "Try some Wii Boxing," I suggested initially, thinking the endorphin rush would assist him in feeling better while still remaining tactful. He did, and it helped, but he was still frustrated - so I decided to share my smiling experiment trick. "Go for a walk and smile at everyone you encounter. I don't care who they are or what they are doing, just give them a smile that would light up any room, and then continue on your way. Don't ask for anything, don't linger, just smile and keep on walking. Then call me when you get back."

My friend hasn't called me back yet, so I'm hoping that my tactic worked for him as well as its worked for me. But I'm curious: do you find that your mood affects your attractiveness? If so, what do you do to change it?

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Peach asks: "The other night my boyfriend started joking around about having a threesome with me. I laughed and told him sarcastically why not but I was joking too and I thought he knew that. Now he won't stop talking about it, asking me if I find this woman or that woman attractive and so forth. I have no idea how to tell him it's never gonna happen now. Help?"

Bonny's answer: You've run up against a definite difference between how men and women communicate. Without getting too stereotypical, let me say that when most men 'joke' about a threesome, they aren't joking. They're testing you to see if you're able, willing and/or interested.

This isn't to say that every guy wants a threesome with his girlfriend or partner. Some do, some don't. Some just like the idea that they might have one, or want to fantasize with their lover about the possibility. If he's truly joking around and has no intention of trying to make the idea a reality, only then would I say have some fun and play along. He knows that the majority of heterosexual women aren't into threesomes; he just wants you to support his fantasy.

Having said that, your guy has started to take further steps towards making the dream a reality. If you're truly not interested at all in sharing him sexually with another woman, then it's time for some firmness. There's no beating around the bush here. The next time he brings up anything threesome-related, let him know in no uncertain terms you're not interested. Pause, look him in the eye, maybe even touch his arm gently, and say, "I know you're really excited about the idea of a threesome, but nothing in this world could convince me it's something I want. I don't mind hearing about your fantasies or even getting a bit playful with them, but a threesome will never be anything but imaginary for me." Cater the words to suit your personality and situation, but make the message the same. He'll stop asking you or pushing for answers, even if he doesn't stop thinking about it.

What say you, dear readers? What would you say if you were Peaches? Have you been in this, or a similar situation? What did you do?

_{Related: Male / Female Sexual Desires and the 'Threesome', All About Sexual Fantasy, Get Dating Help, Couples Communication Quiz.}

An overheard conversation about a magazine article got me thinking the other day about cheating and betrayal in dating relationships. Specifically, an article that a friend of a friend read stated that one of the newest dating rules was that you didn't tell your partner if you'd cheated, as it would only add to the pain on both sides. Rather, the article suggested (as told to me second hand), if you were remorseful for your actions and knew you'd never do it again, there was no reason to share with your partner about the unfaithfulness.

Although I kind of, sort of, get what the article was getting at (why stir the pot if the issue has been resolved already?), why would any relationship 'expert' tell people that betraying their partner was acceptable behavior? Sure, coming forward might end the dating relationship, but it might also strengthen things after the initial shock. In fact, I know of several folks whose relationships were better off after having been cheated on, serving as a wake up call to all parties with regards to what wasn't working, and who gave them a means to make their bond even stronger and better than it was prior to the infidelity.

Which isn't to say I condone cheating, or that I feel cheating is a good thing for a relationship - I most definitely do not. But I know I'd much rather know if my partner had betrayed me than be left in the dark, so I could (at the very least) make an informed decision about my next step.

But what about you? Do you think that its ok not to tell your partner that you cheated, especially if you've learned from the experience and it will never happen again? Or, if your partner cheated on you, would you want them to tell you?

_{Related:Did He Get Caught Cheating?, Signs of Cheating, Predicting Infidelity, Lust in Translation, Can You Break Up To Make Up?}

Nicky asked this dating question: "I recently told a coworker that I was attracted to him. He feels the same. We have had sex, which was great, and we plan on seeing each other when I return home from school. We have a ton in common, feel completely at ease with each other, we were friends before we were intimate. The problem is, he has a girlfriend who he lives with and has been dating for two years. I was fine with being friends with benefits but we talk every day and can't wait to see each other. Should I stay in this and see if he leaves his girlfriend, or am I asking to get my heart broken?"

In a word, yes, you are asking to get your heart broken - especially if you believe that the "problem" is his girlfriend, and not the fact that you are sleeping with a man who is supposedly in a committed, live-in relationship. I realize these next words are so often mentioned that they seem trite and not very helpful, but they bear repeating: Someone who will be unfaithful with you, will have no issue cheating on you. So even if the gent does leave his girlfriend for you, you've got a huge uphill battle ahead. Few relationships (if any) can thrive with this kind of background.

You say you have no issue with the friends with benefits relationship, which isn't a problem if that's all you are looking for. But asking if your heart might be broken with this arrangement tells me another story: that you want more, but aren't quite ready to admit it, even to yourself.

My advice? The talking every day needs to stop, as does the friends with benefits arrangement. Being coworkers may make this a bit more challenging, but nevertheless it needs to occur. Sever all interaction. If he asks why and you feel the need to give a reason, let him know you feel you've made a mistake and need some space. Don't answer his calls, emails or any other methods of communication. If he's The One for you, he'll understand that he needs to break things off with his girlfriend, move out, and spend some time alone before trying to even be friends with you again, let alone attempt a sexual or romantic relationship. And if it was only friends with benefits for him, then you've lost nothing other than a casual sex partner, which isn't hard to find with someone who is available/single if that's all you were after in the first place. As for your friendship with the gent, it may survive the situation if what the two of you shared was strong to begin with before you became intimate, but do yourself a favor and steer clear of him for at least a couple of months.

What do you think, dear readers? Do you have any advice for Nicky?

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