Saturday November 30, 2013
When Thanksgiving rolls around, it means the start of Meet the Parents Season - or at least it does for me and many of you, if my email inbox is any indicator, as well as my own personal experiences. A few years back I shared my Thanksgiving date disaster story (and encourage you to share your own date disaster stories). But my question here doesn't revolve around bad dating experiences, but rather, when you met the parents.
What time of year did you meet the parents of your current and/or past loves? Did the holidays push you into meeting the parents earlier than you normally would have? I'd love to hear your experiences by filling out the poll questionnaire, or if your situation doesn't fit the choices, by adding a comment.
Related: Thanksgiving Date Ideas for Couples, Thanksgiving Dinner With Your Partner.
Saturday November 30, 2013
X asks: "I've been with my boyfriend for a while now. Recently he told me that he doesn't care whether he is with me or not and that he doesn't care about me. I love him to bits but I just wish he would make up his mind and tell me straight if he wants to be with me or not. What shall I do or say to him?"
Bonny's reply: X, I think your answer is in the question. If your boyfriend doesn't care about you, why on earth would he be your boyfriend? Why is there even a discussion about what to do or say?
I understand that you love the gent, but please don't use that as an excuse to stick together, or get upset that I don't understand how you feel. I get many, many of emails every week from women like yourself who wail, "But I LOVE him!" as their reply to my suggestion they look at other options in their love lives. Now you haven't said as much in your email, but the fact that you're asking what to do leads me to believe you might.
So. Instead of saying, "I love my boyfriend. What can I do or say to make up his mind about me?" Try instead, "I love myself. What can I do or say to honor that?" I believe that once you sit down and ask yourself that question, the answer to what to do about your boyfriend not caring is obvious.
Readers, what do you think? Feel free to share your thoughts, opinions or similar experiences by commenting.
Related: Will My Boyfriend Ever Commit?, Why Doesn't He Want To Be My Boyfriend?, Is He Into You? Quiz, How Low Self Esteem Affects Dating Relationships.
Friday November 29, 2013
It's rare that a week goes by where I don't get asked by a reader through the dating forums or dating advice request form whether or not I think their love will last. Thing is, its a very difficult question to answer - especially since I'm only getting as much information as the reader cares to share. Plus, even a healthy relationship can get thrown depending on a variety of factors no one really wants to plan for: the passing of a loved one, losing a job, a sudden health crisis, etc.
Still, there are some common factors that can help guide us towards seeing whether or not a love relationship will stand the test of time. Things like trust and levels of commitment, how friends and family view the relationship, the manner in which you communicate with each other and how long you've been together for instance. So I've compiled these known markers into a quiz to help those of you asking along the path: Will Our Love Last? Quiz
But what about you? What do you think are the markers for a long lasting, healthy relationship?
Related: Communication Skills for Couples, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others, Should We Take This Relationship to the Next Level?
Friday November 29, 2013
While researching and talking to other dating aficionados about the newly introduced dating boot camp, I spoke with the gent who runs 100RedFlags, a dating blog that discusses "...the small things that women do that drive men away." [Note: The 100RedFlags site is not work-friendly, and uses language that may offend some readers.]
I plan on covering dating red flags in the boot camp eCourse, so of course I wanted to take a closer look. Many of the red flags already listed I agreed with, such as She Wears a Slutty Hallowe'en Costume. Seems fairly straightforward to me.
But once I looked a bit closer at the red flags listed, I started to get confused. "She Was Homeschooled," and "She's Run More Than One Marathon?" "She Carries Condoms In Her Purse," and "She's Never Smoked Pot?" Really?
I disagreed with the blog owner, and sent him a note specifically regarding the last "red flag" (not having smoked pot). Here's his response:
"...absolutely it's a red flag, and believe it or not one of the ones that we've posted/talked about to date is most commonly met with approval amongst guys. It could mean rigid views of the world, it could mean a conservative stance on societal issues. I won't belabor the issue, but maybe will just make it clear that these things are all representative of potential character and lifestyle flaws that would inhibit a healthy, successful relationship. It's quite possible one could say she's never smoked weed and yet can sit across the table on a first date and it'd never even be a thought - but without enough evidence the assumption could still be there and there may never be a date two if women aren't aware that some men may take issue with it."
In the hundreds of men I've worked with and coached with regards to their dating lives, and the thousands that have emailed me throughout the years sharing their opinions, not once have I heard any of these as issues. The ones I most commonly hear from gents focus on larger personality traits that some might find stereotypical (i.e. acting like a princess or being bossy), or frustration with what they feel is a 'bait and switch' (i.e. how you presented yourself isn't really who you are). Rachel Greenwald, who wrote the book, "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date" (Buy Direct) found similar themes.
But, you tell me: what are your dating red flags? Do you agree with the ones presented here, or do you have a differing opinion?
For those of you participating in the dating boot camp, looking for today's installment, here you go: Dating Boot Camp Day One.